10 Things You Don’t Need For Baby

Baby-Shoes

So you’ve just walked into Babies R Us for the first time ever and one of the employees (who either had a lobotomy or needs one) hands you this little booklet that has a list of allllllllllll the shit you’re going to need for the upcoming arrival of your little poop-machine.

And that’s where the fun begins! And by fun I mean the crazy torture of going up and down each and every aisle trying to figure out whether you need f’ing nipple shields or Butt paste. The correct answer is yes and yes.

With that said, man did we buy a lot of crap for Baby #1. Baby #2, on the other hand, got all hand-me-downs. Yup, every single little thing. Yes, even the diapers. And no they weren’t cloth. I don’t care how good cloth diapers are for the environment, there ain’t no way I’m putting turds into my washing machine. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Except for the fact that you’re putting turds into your washing machine (awwww shit, here come the comments). But I digress.

So here goes. A bunch of crap I bought when I was having a baby that I now know was a total waste…

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1. A fancy bedding set. Like two seconds after you tear open your fancy bedding package a Babycenter email appears in your inbox. Ding! Bumpers killed 9 million babies last year! (FYI, I like to exaggerate, it was only like 7 million) Okay then, no problemo, you just won’t use the bumpers. And then you’re reading your What to Expect book and it tells you what to expect in the first year: expect your baby to die if you put a blanket in his crib. Okay then, you’ll just throw the quilt on the back of the nursing chair for decoration, which totally doesn’t work because then your head is all shoved forward when you sit in the chair. So basically you’ve just spent a bazillion dollars on a single fitted crib sheet. A single sheet that is about to be destroyed when your newborn poops his brains out the first night home from the hospital. And I don’t care how much Shout you use, that shit stain ain’t coming out. So you have two choices: A. Don’t buy the totally adorable bedding set to begin with or B. Buy a set with a lovely brown amoeba pattern all over it so the shit stains blend in.

2. Clothes that go over a newborn’s head. Have you ever tried to put clothes on a newborn? Impossible. You’re all like, my new baby has a really strong neck until you’re pulling that really cute onesie over her head to take her home from the hospital and suddenly her neck is like jello and her head falls off and you’re screaming NURSE! NURSE! and she’s walking in all cool and collected like they see this shit all the time. Well, at least that cute leopard-print onesie with the Burberry trim is soooo adorable maybe no one will notice that your child is headless.

3. A wipes warmer. Yeahhh, that’s what you want to do, let baby get used to having his royal ass cleaned with a wipe that’s been heated to the perfect temperature. ‘Cause then do you know what happens? You’re out in public trying to change his diaper and he throws a conniption because your wipes in the diaper bag are freezing and his ass has turned into a total pussy (wait, that’s not right). Besides, do you think someone like the Fonz had warm wipes when he was a tike (tyke?)? No way, no how. Because people who have warm wipes as infants turn into douchebags. No, I don’t have any examples, but it seems pretty damn obvious. So unless your Mum is Kate F’ing Middleton, no one’s heating your stupid wipes.

4. Shoes for your newborn. Newsflash, babies can’t walk. Plus, if you stare really hard at your baby’s feet you can literally see them growing, kind of like how if you stare really hard at a clock without blinking you can see the minute hand moving. So basically putting a newborn’s growing feet in shoes is akin to Chinese foot binding. Yes, I know those two-inch Air Jordans are like the cutest things in the whole wide world but maybe I forgot to mention, BABIES CAN’T WALK much less dunk a basketball, except maybe those roller-skating Evian babies.

5. Expensive baby clothes. This one’s pretty much the same as the last part of #1. Just buy a lot of cheap stuff from Tarjay or once again, buy everything with a brown amoeba pattern on it.

6. A fancy stroller. If you’re the kind of person who bought your house outright without a mortgage, I hate you. Wait, no, that’s not what I meant to say. If you’re that kind of person, by all means, buy a fancy delancy stroller. I remember standing in the middle of a high-end toy store while a woman half my size demonstrated the bugabooger to me. “Push this button, then this one and voila it’s so compact it fits in the palm of your hand.” And then I remember this. Standing in the middle of the parking lot at Scabies R Us and I couldn’t get my damn fancy stroller to collapse because it had like 9,000 doodads and buttons and levers and thingamajigs. These days I’m like just give me a simple umbrella stroller, and if I want something fancier I’ll buy it for half the price on Craigslist. You know, in case I decide to chuck it across the parking lot and then drive over it with my minivan.

7. A baby bathtub. Guess what, your house already came with one. WHAT?! The realtor didn’t tell you?!! Hello brainiac, it’s called a sink. But wait, my sink doesn’t look like a cute whale or a duck! No, it doesn’t. But it also doesn’t cost an extra $30. Or come in a weird ass shape that doesn’t fit in any logical place in your bathroom. And guess what, your kiddo’s not thinking, “It’s not fair, Javier down the street has a bathtub that looks like a turtle and I don’t.” All he’s thinking is, “Aggghhh, who the hell is pouring goddamn water on my head?! I’m gonna scream as loud as humanly possible until they stop!”

8. Car seats. I mean, WTF is it with everyone getting these things?! Nahhhh, just kidding. Seriously, I’m kidding. Really.

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9. The Bumbo Seat. There are all these companies out there that make stupid products to help your kid hit some milestone they’re gonna hit anyway, like the Bumbo. In case you don’t know, this is a little seat that props your kid up before he can actually sit up. You’re gonna hear all these jackasses, I mean really nice moms, say that their kiddo wasn’t sitting up and then she got him the Bumbo and whatta you know, two weeks later the kid was sitting up. All because of this magic fucking chair. Ehhhhh, wrong. Your kid is sitting up because he’s 6+ months old. Not because you forced him to use his Bumbo and work his muscles into a damn six-pack like Mike the Situation from Jersey Shore.

10. Pee-pee teepees. FYI, pee-pee teepees are just a cute present people buy because their gift only came to $15 and they needed a $5 item to make it expensive enough. Oh, and they’re always people who never had a boy so they have no idea that pee-pee teepees don’t stay on, but of course, you never realize it’s fallen off until your kid starts spraying you with urine and some of it gets in your mouth.

About the writer

Karen is the ridiculously hairy, self-deprecating writer of the blog Baby Sideburns. She also likes to make people pee in their pants with her daily entries on Facebook and twitter @BabySideburns, but that's not saying much since most of them had babies.

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Jenia 3 months ago

We are those weirdos who never had problems with putting clothes over our newborn’s head :) Lucky, I guess.

I have to disagree on the nice stroller. We started off with a cheap umbrella stroller and it was a useless piece of junk: it fell over if you hung anything (ANYTHING) on it, it did crazy pirouettes if you took one hand off it for a second while moving, it required a couple of kicks and a string of cussing to fold, and would not stay folded. We gave it away and bought a nice used stroller (no Bugaboo or Stokke but still) and have been very, very happy. It made all the difference. I’ve been suggesting expecting moms to go and try several before buying.

Lynda 3 months ago

The BEST thing I ever got? I can’t remember the actual name, but I’ve heard them called ‘punkin seats’ so I’ll go with that. I used them ALL the time. I have wooden bar stools with backs so I used to strap the punkins to the stools and, hey PRESTO!!! High chairs. I could set them on the couch when it was time for bottles and being in a reclining position prevented reflux and spitting up. I had twins so while I was holding one in my arms with the bottle, I could give attention to the other while they were waiting for their turn. The best by far however was that my son, who had terrible issues with startling, could sleep in a semi-reclining position on the (sectional) couch while I slept next to him holding his hand. It enabled him to learn how to self calm and the whole family slept better

Sokie 5 months ago

Totally agree with the bedding sets. I never used bumpers, positioners, or blankets in the crib, all I’m using right now is a fitted cotton sheet and a wearable sleep sack by babydeedee.com. Baby is sleeping beautifully and not to mention he looks super cute. Most of the newborn size clothing and accessories goes unused as your newborn is going to spend most of the time in bed. What you need the most, onesie, footies, sleepers and sleep sacks.

Teray 5 months ago

This is EXACTLY why I put one on my registry. XD

Bonnie Carver 5 months ago

Zip or button up shirts and Jammies is all I can think of. However I just came across the “real” reason Onsies have the shoulders designed the way they are… So you can pull them on from their bottoms up!! I was skeptical when I read this but of course I had to try it and MIND BLOWN it works amazingly well!! I do it all the time now, especially when my little fella is sleeping. Give it a try :)

Claudia 6 months ago

I know!! I’m a first time mommy, I have a 7 mo baby girl and of course she got some really cute puma booties but I just can’t make her wear them.
We live in Puerto Vallarta, México and weather is starting to change… our winter?? (not really) is gone, no chances of wearing those freaking boots and well it’s just way easier to put on some socks than worrying about loosing a shoe or even worst trying to put her shoes on!

rshorton 7 months ago

REally enjoy your writing. I don’t know if you were kidding about the cloth diapers, but just in case… you know you’re not supposed to put the poop in the washing machine, correct? You rinse in toilet b/f putting in diaper pail, then do washing.

Patricia C. 7 months ago

Good thing a baby monitor is not your list cuz I just bought one yesterday. I don’t buy baby clothes until baby hits 3rd month. I have a few pairs from my sister.

Pookie 7 months ago

Yeah I agree, I have to say if you can buy a cheap used warmer it benefits you more than the baby… if you can do something about the banshee wailing why wouldn’t you? I wouldn’t think that I’m spoiling the baby as much as I’m making them a little more less whiney so I can get through one more freaking diaper change without wanting to pull my hair out.

Ophelia 8 months ago

I agree when it comes to NEED there is very little needed for a newb. However, what you may find useful is highly variant based on many factors, not the least of which is your baby. Some mom would say to them a swing was essential. My first child would scream like he was on fire every time I tried it. Not useful…and big, and pricey. Thankfully the two following babes made that a much less wasteful purchase. 😉 Baby 1 LOVED a baby carrier/sling/wrap…you name it. Baby 2 acted like he was in a straight jacket set on fire. Again, NOT useful for him (and sooo disappointing since I needed the extra hands now with two kiddos. I could go on all day. I LOVE our Bumbo. I never thought it was going to help my baby set. I sat on the floor and fed them in it a lot. ALL smooth, no buckles or crevices for disgusting things to get stuck in. Wonderful. I adore the baby bathtub. I put it in the tub with me. I would put appropriate water temp for baby in in the baby tub and hot water in my tub and we could bathe together at temps we both enjoyed. Now with 3 kids, I stick baby in there inside the older kids bath & it keeps her area separate while she feels part of what is going on. Also the boys are filthy, I don’t want her in their water…lol I also directly cobathed a lot with each of my kids as tiny ones.

I’ve never owned a bedding set for a baby, so I get you there. I do love baby shoes though. I know they often don’t or won’t go on or stay on, but some do. When they do, I try to get a picture in them and save those & hang them on the tree each year as a keepsake ornament. They are by no means a must & I generally had booties to keep their feet toasty instead,

I do love a wipes warmer. I cloth diaper & EVERYONE steals the warm wet cloth wipes, even Dh. They are wonderful for sticky faces and everything else. We live where there is winter though and I’ve had all winter babies so it’s nice not to have icey wiping at 2am and wake everyone right up. I would add my best investment is a small portable washing machine right next to my changing table. Diapers and wipes go straight in & when full I run it & then I wash a load of her clothing after. It is the perfect size for that and it keeps her clothes looking great as it’s more gentle than a full size. I am astounded by how her clothing has no wash wear compared to my older ones clothing, which I had found it sooner. I wash my delicates in it now too. LOL

Ali 8 months ago

In GA it’s illegal to have the baby in the car with no car seat …. What state is that you’re in ?

Mom of 5 8 months ago

After baby #3 I discovered these leather moccasins for babies, Kidzuu (there’s another company out there too, but I can’t remember their name….). These lil slip on shoes, if you don’t lose one, are amazing and can be worn for 6 to 8 months before being out grown. Quality material, cheaper than the baby shoes that don’t fit, totally reveal an experienced mom behind the babe….bought mine on Amazon- never left the house because who can navigate a mall w 5 kids anyway?? Or big pregnant w#5 as the other 4 are running amok. Plus, living in podunk, our mall wouldn’t have these amazing leather moccasins, even if I did have the time to shop. I bought 3 sizes, so baby #5 now won’t out grow them until she’s walking good and ready for shoes anyway. They match everything. And if they don’t, who cares?

Second, baby wipe warmer. Had one for first born, 13 years ago. It about caught fire, burned itself…decided to chuck it along w the baby monitor (monitor was picking up alien voices and freaked us out).

Happy parenting. :-) :-)

Stacy 9 months ago

I agree with most of these except for the tub! That thing was put to good use. Wet babies are slippery babies and trying to hold on to a tiny newbie in the sink while simultaneously scrubbing them clean and not letting them slip under the water is HARD! My baby tub was a mini clawfoot type tub that sat over the sink. It had a cloth-like hammock that I removed when bad-ass (<-that's my wee-babe) could sit on her own. When it was time to move to the real deal tub, B.A. was freaked out by the new size, so we put her in the baby tub in the big tub for awhile until she grew accustomed to the new fun size. Side note: It's so awesome watching the stages of a babies opinion on something…First she was afraid of the big tub, then she was a afraid of the running water, now she FEARLESS and plays under the running water!

ROB.H 10 months ago

Real story it is!

Jenni 10 months ago

It’s a baby not a fetus. More worried about saving the environment with cloth diapers than calling your child inside of you a baby.

Kelly 10 months ago

Car seats are more comfortable for the babies and i dont think it will be harmful to the baby at any position and there are so many products are available which provide more safety features too.

Amazon 1 year ago

I am regular reader, how are you everybody?
This article posted at this website is truly good.

sarah 1 year ago

bottle warmers were a great for me for the first 4 months. i used formula which for the first for months u r suppose to boil, so every morning i’d make enough for the day. being able to pull a cold bottle out & stick it in a bottle warmer was so much faster than the faucet or boiling a pot of water. when baby is hungry its all about speed. Of course once i could stop boiling the water i would just turn on the faucet & make bottles as needed so water was good temp & no longer needed warmer

sarah 1 year ago

it is actually when they can sit up by themselves you can put them in an exasauer. once they have that solid neck control and steady independently sitting then their spines are strong enough. walkers you wait a little longer since it takes more strength to move something, then to just sit there.

while there is not enough proof yet i personally don’t think bambo seats are good for the spine. think you are trying to force your baby to sit before its time (when used with 0-4 month olds) a Bouner seat is a much more natural position & baby is secure but can still see

sarah 1 year ago

I too felt like the video monitor is best investment ever.
i also used a bottle warmer, for the first 4 months i would make enough formula for the day (which your suppose to boil water & add formula to the hot water) so i would fill up a bottle on demand from fridge & stick it in warmer to bring it to room temp.
Mobile I put above the changing table which did wonders as she got a little older

sarah 1 year ago

see i personally preferred the bouncy seat. I feel its more structurally sound (less chance of tipping) and a more natural position. but not completely flat like on the floor & not sitting straight up either. plus it had a musically toy bar that clipped overhead if wanted.

sarah 1 year ago

See i loved my baby tub. simple plastic tub that had newborn insert, so i can have water in the bottom of little tub while she was laying in insert & sponge bathe w/ rinse cup till she had neck control. in fact i still have my 10 month old in it cuz its easier. i just could never figure how to put a newborn in the sink. i’ve seen the baby tub that attaches to most newer sinks (my sink way way too old)

Bamboo seat=horrible. my LO got stuck in the one with the circle tray at the store-guess her legs too big. floor time is best, but for time off floor go with swing or bouncer

Shopping cart cover is also a waste. at 5.5 months my LO started riding. 1st cart cover used the straps from cart. once i ran the straps though it was too small to buckle her at most stores. the straps & the holes rarely line up so by time you run them though, there’s not enough left. then i had the deluxe model with built in straps, too bulky & just takes too long to put on. Plus if there is no cart in the lot, you drag in yet another item & it is impossible to hold baby & install cart cover. nope, she just goes right in the cart.

sarah 1 year ago

i bought a plain diaper bag that had the opening for wipes in the front. Its been great. i love having the wipes right there at my fingertips, makes things so much easier. it also has a back flap that i throw my wallet, keys, phone in since i’ve never been a purse person anyway

Sarah 1 year ago

I never saw the need for a changing pail either. However, I LOVED our diaper genies. We had one for each floor of the house and they worked great.

Sarah 1 year ago

Buying two high-end strollers was the best investment we made.

1) I am tall. A 5’11” woman can not walk comfortably pushing an umbrella stroller. Also, we live quite a ways from a real town, so when we go shopping, it is an all day thing. Those big strollers were perfect for storing things instead of having to carry them around — like a built-in shopping cart!

2) I run — and usually on gravel paths. If I had not bought a running stroller with good treads on the tires, I would not have been able to run for years after my daughter was born.

Sarah 1 year ago

I never went the cloth diaper route, but we did use cloth wipes, and swear that they helped to prevent diaper rash. We did use the disposable wipes as well, but only at day care and when we were on the road.

Angie 1 year ago

I agree with everything! Especially…

Pee pee tee pees. Ugh!!!!! Everyone mentions they fall off- I wish mine did! I got them as a gift I didn’t register for- shock shock :p when my son actually did pee with it on, all it did was turn in to a backwards umbrella and literally spray his pee right back down and all over his stomach, legs, chest, everywhere! He needed an immediate bath. Useless! My lesson was firmly learned- so whenever I see someone looking at them in the store, I kindly tell them they are a waste of their money.

leather backpack 1 year ago

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Jed 1 year ago

Amen. I was just thinking the same thing about all these mom’s who co-sleep with their baby. Are you serious? You could freakin’ kill your baby! Is that more important to you than having to get out of bed and calm down your crying baby? For crying out loud just get out of bed and calm down your crying baby! For real. It’s not worth risking killing your baby over!

Jed 1 year ago

I hope the person that said “This is why we co-slept, against doctor’s orders” was just kidding. That is one of the worst things you can do and you have a very high likelihood of killing your baby. Aside from the baby killing thing, it’s not a good idea to let your child sleep in your room at all, for emotional developmental reasons. You could start some real behavior problems. If your child is afraid or sick, go sleep in their room on the floor.

mom of 2 1 year ago

I don’t think I have laughed so hard in a long time. The things u said where right on and I loved that it came out uncensored. Loved it and hope to read more!

Greg Van Laar 1 year ago

So………………… my comment won’t be approved.. because it’s not “whining mommy approved” (like Kix cereal… which every poverty-stricken mother of 12 approves)

Greg Van Laar 1 year ago

#11. Church $$.. You want other people to pay for you to have sex and smell tiny baby heads which makes you feel so “yummy” yay. You’re a hell-bound bastard. Don’t go to church and tell people they’re hell-bound for earning the money that pays for your mortgage (or NFL package, or super-ultra-wet-wipes, or unbridled sex to have babies (which the person you need $$ from is in control over), or however you look at it)

Darla 1 year ago

But the pee pee Teepees make such nice first birthday hats haha.

duska 1 year ago

the best wipe wormer it is moms hand …you keep your baby wipe in your hand for 5-10 seconds and voila …

Amanda 1 year ago

It’s never funny to joke about infant death. The way you worded the section on bedding and infant death was very distasteful, even for an article for scarymommy. I, too, lost a baby to SIDS. We didn’t have fancy bedding. Nothing but a sheet, as a matter of fact. Point is, it’s not funny to make infant death the butt of any joke.

Michelle 1 year ago

I thought this article gave good advice, though I think she took the reality of babies dying and turned it into a joke. My son, Chance, died August 2013, at 2 months and 26 days old, from SIDS. Not suffocation, not anything else. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. We had police Investigators in our home, they did a full autopsy, and still questioned us at the hospital while we were there holding our son’s body for the last time. I remember when I found him, cold and lifeless, yet I still attempted to give him CPR. Maybe it’s when you know the feeling of putting your lips against your cold sons and getting nothing, then watching EMS rush him to the hospital… then Infant loss, no matter what kind, isn’t such a joke and would never be used as one to make an article “funny.” Here you all are arguing about co-sleeping and whether wipes are high maintenance… in my eyes, it’s pathetic. I hope you all stay as naive about the subject of infant death and never know what it is like to have to keep living without your child.

For anyone interested, my husband and I started a non profit called Hope For Chance, that can be found at http://www.hopeforchance.org. We raise Awareness about the truth of SIDS, raise money to assist families with service and burial costs, and also raise money for research.

abby 1 year ago

I like you. You write like I talk. I trust that.

Kristie 1 year ago

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Amy 1 year ago

*Like*

Amy 1 year ago

Or a baby hammock.

Amy 1 year ago

Kimono onesies.

Amy 1 year ago

I always wondered why I was the only one who seemed to know that. Every time I told people we were going to do cloth diapers, I got too reactions. 1. Oh, you’ll hate it (from those who don’t really know about the newfangled cloth diapers and covers/wool night covers option) and 2. You have to clean them. Well, yeah. And you’re supposed to clean the disposables, too! Breastfed babies just make it easier to CLOTH diaper. You don’t have to rinse out the poop before you throw them in the washer and use your homemade eco-friendly detergent that costs about a penny a load.

I know cloth diapering isn’t for everyone, but I really have to wonder how all moms made due before disposable diapers.

I AM getting a hammock style bath-tub (sink) insert. I can just see it now without one. Ooops, the baby was slippery and I lost my hold on her. She hit her head on the stainless steel edge and we’re now on our way to the ER.

Jenn 1 year ago

I guess being an emerg nurse and seeing babies come in VSA because they were smothered while co-sleeping.. I disagree.. And that is without drugs/alcohol/prescription medication involved.

soontobenewbiemom 1 year ago

those Bumbo seats are terrible for baby. They force your baby into a posture for which they are not developmentally ready. Same thing goes for walking rings. these chairs and rings and bouncy door swing things all have negative effects on the baby’s developmental milestones. the baby needs to be rolling around on the floor, not forced into a seat. And this advice comes from a colleague of mine who is a NDT trained physiotherapist.

Loblolly 1 year ago

You are dead on! Finally a mother with a brain! It is hard to come across these days! These women are petty and childish.

NEWSFLASH: unless your kid is price George no one gives a flying fuck what your opinion is! You are just another mother. Yes just another mother! 50% of the population have children! You are not special! To the supportive women on here, congratulations I’m sure you live fulfilling lives and are loved by many. To the other hags who try to bring everyone else down… Your opinion is irrelevant and no one cares. Stop trying to degrade others for making different choices than yourselves. You do not know everything and by the way you go about expressing your thoughts it is doubtful others would try to emulate you or your choices in any way. Quit focusing on what others are doing and fix yourselves and your families. If you speak to strangers like you do, I really pity your families

Loblolly 1 year ago

I would disagree on one point… I doubt the women on here can afford the things they are so passionately bashing. Instead of wasting time and energy responding negatively to articles such as these, the same women should inquire in to the ads regarding making money from home with no skills that are advertised on all the websites they frequent.

Loblolly 1 year ago

I feel sorry for your husband… And that’s assuming you have one. As judgmental as you are you likely will not for long. My guess is you got knocked up by your boyfriend and he still has yet to put a ring on it. When people are as judgmental as yourself they generally have quite a few skeletons in their own closet

Loblolly 1 year ago

You women are crazy! Does any human even remember their mother changing a diaper let alone the temperature of the wipe! Seriously get a life! I cannot believe you women sit on fourms for hours to debate cloth vs disposable diapers! If you are that worried about your carbon footprint don’t have kids! The world is already overpopulated!

Miriam 1 year ago

I agree with everything, but car seats. How can someone carry a baby in a vehicle without it?

Aidan Firsov 1 year ago

this was an awful blog. you sound like you should not have children. Who refers to their babies bottoms as assess? Seriously? To me it sounds like having a baby was a bother for you.

Ali 1 year ago

They have a rinser that attaches to your toilet and it all goes down the toilet

JT 1 year ago

Every time I see a list of “Stuff you don’t need for a baby” I always scroll to see if my favorite must-have item is on there… Yup, the wet wipe warmer. :) We totally loved them and went through at least three of them when our kiddos were babies. To each her own, I guess.

Harrison 1 year ago

Bathtubs: The kitchen sink is one of the dirtiest (think bacteria, things you can’t see, etc) surfaces in your home. People don’t disinfect their sink’s nearly enough. A baby bathtub that goes into the sink is great for preventing contact with these surfaces, especially since at this age you shouldn’t be using any strong soaps either.

Strollers: Umbrella strollers are great once baby is a little older, but a lot of people that live in large metro areas like New York or Chicago need strollers for rough terrain like city sidewalks and parks. They also need them to have a flat recline if the baby is younger than 3 months (something umbrella strollers don’t offer). So I think the stroller one is very situational based on the family’s needs…

Bumbo: May not be the miracle ab machine, but it’s definitely a convenient place to set baby down where you can attach a snack/play tray that isn’t reclined like a swing or bouncer would be.

Sahar 1 year ago

Hahahaha!!

Susan Jones 1 year ago

Peepee Teeppee? I’ve never heard of that and I have 2 grown sons, must be new. I always unfolded the new diaper, turned it sideways on top of him across the old diaper before I took the old diaper off. A lot of times I’d wind up having to get a THIRD diaper lol but at least my hair and face were urine free :)

tarah 1 year ago

oh gosh….hilarious. I had to google what peepee teepees were. thank you for this article :))

just me 1 year ago

I bought a 4 dollar dishpan at the grocery store and used it in the kitchen sink as a bathtub until she got old enough for the regular bathtub. First I’d wrap her in a towel like a burrito to wash her hair under the faucet. Those memories make me want to cry, they are so precious. But an umbrella stroller? No way, there is no padding and I bet their whole backsides fall asleep and they feel like crap. And I still think the hardest part about caring for a baby is keeping their bedding clean. They should make it easier somehow. Maybe put an adult diaper in between three or four sheets so you don’t have to take the whole mattress out to change the sheet. But then you’ll find baby curled up in the corner of the crib, poopy sheet where the diaper isn’t. I love babies. And I loved my Snugli. So did my baby. Can’t imagine carrying around the baby AND the detachable car seat thing they use nowadays. Just loving Memory Lane here.

Cynthia Negron 1 year ago

Maybe because all the moms who had those complaints gave up on cloth diapering? That’s me. I tried it for two months, hated it, and when asked, will complain about how much even the fanciest cloth diapers suck compared to a fancy disposable. Buyt nobody ever really asks.

Cynthia Negron 1 year ago

By that logic wouldn’t you have to clean the bathtub before the bath then? Because you put a filthy baby into it last time and then they sat in their filthy water for a while and then you just rinsed it. Or maybe not even that? Just a thought. We use a bath seat in the big tub and only wash the whole ensemble like every other week or so.

Lauren 1 year ago

It’s really amazing to see how much controversy this article has caused in the comments!!! Ladies, ladies, ladies…. what do you care how other moms bathe/diaper/wipe, etc their kids??? The article was intended to be a comedic take on what works and doesn’t work for THIS mom. Lay off each other! And chill out with the defensiveness just because someone else has a difference of opinion…. sheesh, I feel dumber for even reading some of this stuff…. think I am going to stick with the articles and stay away from the comments section on Scary Mommy from now on…

Jennifer Merritt Frisbee 1 year ago

Used a Bumbo with all three of mine and they are just fine, thanks for the advice but I got this.

dk 1 year ago

Pathetic :-)

First-timer 1 year ago

This is great! I agree that we probably don’t need all this stuff, but I’m hoping to get at least a bathtub at the shower! Then at least I can say I didn’t actually pay for all the unnecessary crap!!!

Jennifer Merritt Frisbee 1 year ago

My kid, my business, I don’t want her sitting in a sink to give her a bath, I am a actually very OCD about cleanliness so nothing in my house is nasty, believe that. I prefer a baby bath tub, always have always will. That is my business just like it’s yours to put your kid in a sink to bathe him or her.

Jennifer Merritt Frisbee 1 year ago

I don’t really wash dishes in my sink, I have a dishwasher so yeah, my sink isn’t gross or nasty like you are implying it is, I mean you don’t know me at all so why are you trying to make such a big deal about where I bathe my kid. I use a bath tub, you use the sink…to each their own. Get a life instead of picking a fight online.

hilbuk 1 year ago

instead of a bumbo, get a bouncy seat. same effect, but not bad for your baby.

hilbuk 1 year ago

My sink is clean enough for washing hands (because I don’t touch the sink when I do that) and washing dishes (we have a dishwasher, so we don’t fill the basin to wash dishes) but not clean enough to wash a baby. It’s not that I’m a germophobe, it’s just that if you’re giving your baby a bath it’s to CLEAN the baby. So adding food particles / grease to your baby during the bath doesn’t seem like the best plan. Cleaning out the sink first would totally work but it takes more time and I’m lazy. We have a whale bathtub and it is a huge pain to store in the bathroom but it does the trick and we’re satisfied with it.

hilbuk 1 year ago

We’ve never had one, but I’ve heard of wipe warmers being useful for overnight changes because with it, apparently some parents were able to change their kids without the kid waking up. My solution is no diaper changes overnight except if there’s already soaking through of some kind.

We do have a bathtub, which is good, because the kitchen sink is extremely gross most of the time and too small for a baby after 2ish months. I’m not comfortable using the regular bathtub until 9+ mo when the kid is sitting really well.

As for clothes that go over the newborn’s head…nice idea but don’t like 90% of the clothes go over the baby’s head? Or maybe you’re just talking newborns <2 mo of age? For our kids we did tend to dress them both in pjs until they were 1-2 mo old, thereby avoiding clothes going over their heads, but at a certain point it becomes unavoidable since every single onesie goes over the head.

Shari G. 2 years ago

I never used my baby’s changing table. Waste of money! Dressed and diapered him on the bed all the time.

Leslie Langwell Travis 2 years ago

I love you! Your amazing!! Is there a way to subscribe? I would love to read more of your stuff.

Katherine 2 years ago

I laughed so hard I at #2. This was a great article. I found this website today and love it.

permafrost 2 years ago

I have jarred food on hand for when I go out. it doesn’t need to be refrigerated so if I don’t use it that day it stays in the snack bag for next time. Lifesaver.

permafrost 2 years ago

Judgy mcJudger, lol

permafrost 2 years ago

but a disposable diaper baby is not having several blowouts daily necessarily. a cloth diaper baby is pooping and peeing 8-12 times a day esp. if breastfed. I’m not saying it’s wrong to cloth diaper, I respect those who do. Just admit that it is more laundry, and lots of work, even if it is healthier and cheaper. (I don’t know if it’s better for the environment: less landfill waste, but increased use of water and detergent… may equal out). It’s NOT for everyone. I was interested in cloth diapering, but had twins who spent 7 weeks in the NICU; when they came home I was alone since my DH was deployed with the military for the next 6 months. I was already stretched thin, and made a choice appropriate for my family.

permafrost 2 years ago

bahahahaha! wish I knew that one! I had a *great* time extricating my Bundle of joy from the pasty clothing, back face and my hands dirty anyway lol #goodtimes #gladtheyreover

permafrost 2 years ago

use the bumbo to bathe the baby! no need for a tub, his/her face is out of the water, and it’s small enough to fit anywhere! hahahahaha! #2birds1stone

Ashley 2 years ago

This was great!!!

Zee 2 years ago

When cloth diapering, no one (that I know) puts poo in their washing machine!!!!

Pam 2 years ago

You are hilarious! At wipes warmers I was laughing out loud. I did have a bumbo though and it was useful. I didn’t think it excelled my children’s abilities any but it definitely help with feeding and they liked to play in it when they could crawl and walk around. Anyway, funny stuff!

MomOfTwo 2 years ago

Yes!!! I scoffed at the Bumbo when I got it, but man does it get used. I have zero intention or expectation for it to help my baby “sit up” but it allows us to sit down at the table and my son can be part of things without being bounced on our knees while spilling food all over the place. And yes, I know you aren’t “supposed to put the Bumbo on the table,” but it’s the only place we use it.

Ashley 2 years ago

I have the super cool “baby jacuzzi tub with built in shower head” that bubbles (after putting in the dozen C batteries) and a tiny water reservoir that needs to constantly be refilled. We used it once. My baby screamed the entire time at a decibel I never thought possible (at one point I swear my dogs were in the hallway smashing their heads against the wall). He pissed, everywhere. Now our expensive fancy baby jacuzzi with built in shower head that bubbles while it eats up $30 worth of C batteries and lights up and teaches your kid how to speak Latin and worship the devil sits beautifully in its very own hidden corner of the nursery.

crazedmommy2008 2 years ago

So you put the poop in the kitchen sink that makes it all sooooo much better thanks for clarifying

Babies No More 2 years ago

The first time baby has a big crap while you are in the tub with him, you will find an alternate way to bathe him, trust me (been there done that!) lol

EpicallyTalentedSinger 2 years ago

Hahahahaha

EpicallyTalentedSinger 2 years ago

You sir are intriguing! 😉

Angry Gamer Dad 2 years ago

You madam, Are AWESOME! I enjoyed this article too. The only people who have something ignorant to say are probably the dumb bags of cunt who went out and bought all this shit, And think that maybe if they keep up their fanboy/girl consumer appearence, that the company who they shelled out $1756.83 for organic, lavender scented, limited edition, Cradles Cap Prevention Cloth. That maybe they might throw them a bone, because their husbands havent fucked them in 3 years because they spent the whole time talking about how much they want to get surgery to deal with their baby fat, rather than doing exersize. Yes Complain and Judge the person who wrote this article, all you professional mothers with your little clipboards and list of expectations you have for your 4 year old. Its going to be all the more tragic when he/she becomes a junkie, pawns all your shit, and then moves to a nice cozy location under a busy intersction, where they can learn life lessons from the other hobos, whos parents took control over too much of their childrens lives. Have fun blaming everyone but yourselves, you lazy, sex starved, hover people.

Mb 2 years ago

And you are an incongruent asshat. It’s not a stretch at all. I use disposables, and came to the same conclusion.

Miranda 2 years ago

For all you up-tight mothers..grow up, this was an article for comic relief. This was a simple way for some of you to relieve stress & have a laugh from being so worn out from your little ones. & the writer knows that shit doesn’t go into the wash machine…Jesus…read between the lines, it’s a thing called sarcasm!!!

Gillian 2 years ago

Wow! are you completely without a brain or sense of humour…or both?

Gillian 2 years ago

Wow cloth diaper mom, you really nit picked and stretched to pull that “contradiction” out if this satirical article. You’re an ass with too much time on your earth friendly hands.

Jo 2 years ago

Holly cow! I’m laughing so hard im crying. It 4 am I can’t sleep and I woke my husband laughing! This is so funny and true!!

Kez 2 years ago

Thank you so much for talking about the coat. My baby is always in the baby car seat blanket and there are so many women who tell me that the baby should be in a coat. I don’t know why I feel the need to try and explain myself to them. SHE CAN’T WEAR A COAT IN THE CAR SEAT! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND THANK YOU!

Your mom 2 years ago

Ha! The blog was flippin hysterical…but…the ridiculous responses take the cake. A little cheap entertainment for us parents who can see the humor in raising kids. All of you replying with nonsense really need to lighten up and quit taking life so seriously 😉 it’s ok to laugh at yourselves. After all, I took a Facebook IQ test and got a 90 and I am still able to, somewhat, legibly type out this reply. There’s some hope, cupcakes!

Beth 2 years ago

As a mother of 4, the youngest now 20, I can tell you that they all wore cloth diapers and none of them were ever stuck by a pin. There’s a lot to be said for cloth diapers. Even the new ones like “Fuzzy Bunz” (that my granddaughter wore) that grow with the child, don’t use pins and no need for rubber pants and have reusable liners. I will say, that the “old” pre-folded diapers had multiple uses – from burp rags to dust cloths. I still have a few that I use for dusting and they are still in great condition (not that I’d use them on a baby, but they’ve held up through the years). I’m a big fan of umbrella strollers and I think the kitchen sink is a great bath tub (not to mention, the kitchen table, a bowl of warm water and a wash cloth – infants aren’t running marathons, they don’t have to be submerged to wash them). “Pee-pee-teepees” – seriously??? If they are what I think they are, I will tell you that the first time my son peed on me (my face, mouth, hair, clothes) when I was changing him, I learned to be very quick with that diaper. Some of the other stuff listed, seemed a little non-essential to me as well. The one thing not mentioned were baby bottles (and it seems there are now half a million different brands out there now, as opposed to only two when my kids were babies). We had 3 choices: Evenflo, Playtex, and Gerber. My kids ate baby food, and still, to this day, they all love Gerber Oatmeal (as do I). I loved this article, even if some of the stuff was foreign to me. Thanks for bringing this grandma up to date. I have 3 daughters who have yet to have kids – I will be better prepared to help them with the decisions when the time comes. Best of luck to all you young moms and moms-to-be! It’s not an easy job, but it’s well worth the time and effort you put in to raise your children!

Banana 2 years ago

First of all, I love you. Wanna be my best friend? 😛 Not even joking. I love your sense of humor, some of it is a lot like mine and this really had me laughing.

Second, I want to go through your list.I got my son a Winnie the Pooh bedding set that came with everything, including the bumper. I actually used the bumpers because without it he kept getting his arms and legs stuck through the stupid crib bars and would wake up screaming his head off and I figured he was far enough away from them without having to worry.. when he was move to the crib, anyway. We still haven’t used the comforter yet, BUT his crib turns into a toddler bed as well so the rest of the bedding WILL come in handy eventually.

With the clothes that go over their head, I never had a problem with my son. I think it might depend on the baby, but he was really good with letting me switch onesies whenever I wanted or needed to.

Never did get a wipes warmer, but I figure maybe you’d avoid the problem you had pointed out if you got a portable one and were able to bring it with you wherever you went. I always feel bad when my baby like shrinks back against the table because the wipes are freezing.

I barely got my son any shoes because when he was born, it was summer, BUT I did get him some little crib shoes for winter for when I took him out. It’s warmer to have socks and shoes even if they’re not totally legitimate shoes. I didn’t want his little feet freezing.

Never bought expensive baby clothes. I always get them either clearanced or whenever I get a 30% off and I feel like the price gets marked down low enough. That’s generally at Kohl’s. I get some great deals.

Didn’t get a “fancy” stroller either.

Of course we need car seats. 😛 They actually won’t let you leave the hospital without one and without having it installed properly.

Lastly, never heard of the bumbo seat or tee pee thing. Didn’t get any as gifts either. They sound pretty useless to me. I used to just prop my son up on the couch and he’d sit there fine. lol AND you should totally add those walkers to the list. They actually hinder a child’s walking capabilities so it takes them longer to learn how to walk. If you get one of those things you hold onto yourself though and help them along, that’s fine.

britt 2 years ago

They have snaps and velcro now on cloth diapers so no more pins

Molly Guagliardo 2 years ago

It’s hard to admit but by now it’s been decades. Children are now 32 and 33 yrs old. I’m very well aware and grateful for the upgrade and changes in baby items. Especiall diapers. Sometimes wish these items were that way back then. It probably would have made life so much more easier.
My question to u is : if not pins then how does one attach cloth diapers?

Melanie 2 years ago

How long ago were you a first-time mother? Nobody uses pins anymore.

Molly Guagliardo 2 years ago

Cloth diapers vs disposable diapers – for my first child I signed up for a cloth diaper service that delivered right to my front door. Some reasons for this decision were: 1) eco-friendly. 2) they seemed more comfortable to baby’s skin. 3) lovingly presented with baby’s fresh linen weekly. What a huge mistake: a) baby can be stuck by pins. 2) disposable were more sanitary 3) disposable were more absorbent 4) the putrid odor, while awaiting pickup, was nauseating; whether precleaned or not, the smell hung like smoke in a fire. Sometimes u would rather inhale smoke from a fire. There are many more reasons this was a wasted first-time mother
mistake.
Changing tables vs any comfortable flat surface. Bed. Floor. Sofa. Crib. Car. Anywhere but changing table. Ultimately serves as disorderly clutter depository.

Christine 2 years ago

Right in the beginning of each diaper change, I would put the wipe in between my boobs. Sounds funny, and each time it gave me a quick chill, but by the time I was ready for the wipes, my natural body heat warmed the wipes.

Granny Langlois 2 years ago

Love it. I’m a granny now and I see my daughter doing the same thing. Expensive bedding..etc. Its something you have to learn on your own I guess. Thanks for this story…it made me laugh. I even shared it with my husband. Lol

Carrie Lynn Kirkpatrick 2 years ago

Hands down…this is this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I haven’t laughed this hard in 6 months!

Momof3 2 years ago

The only reason I don’t agree with the whole sink thing to give the kid a bath is… Have u ever tried to hold a slippery wet infant that is kicking and screaming Cuz they don’t like baths and are too little to sit up my them self while try to wash them and rise them off and not all while trying to not let them hit their head on the sink. Did it once NEVER gonna do it again.

April @ 100lbcountdown 2 years ago

I never knew that people used Bumbo to help them learn to sit up. I used mine to entertain my daughter. The little table would have her toys on it. We occasionally use the bathtub, but only because someone bought it for us. Love the list.

Kati Fenner 2 years ago

I like to use baby tubs because I bathe them on top of their changing table for the first couple months. It’s just easier for me because everything u need is right there. Plus my back is a pos… other than that agree 100%. Btw… WTF is a pee pee teepee?! Am I the only person wondering this? lol

nbgiant25 2 years ago

Some of us do need baby monitors. We can’t all co-sleep or have a house with all the bedrooms within two steps. If my kids wake up or start crying after a nap or in the middle of the night and need to be attended to, I’d have no idea without a monitor. They’re upstairs and down the hall.

th3hbomb 2 years ago

It’s satire. Simmer down…

Lola 2 years ago

I cloth diaper, but I must say there’s NOTHING lazy about being a parent, regardless of how you deal with your child’s poop. I probably only put an extra 20 minutes a day into cloth diapering (it’s really not that much more work). Let’s stop judging, ladies.

Lola 2 years ago

The only complaints I’ve EVER heard about cloth diapers come from people who don’t cloth diaper. Anyone who does it love it. Turds in the washing machine??? That’s absurd! Of course you don’t put diapers with turds on them in the washer!

Lola 2 years ago

The baby tub – My sink is filthy, tiny and there’s no way my daughter can sit up in it as an infant. For the person who mentioned washing dishes and your hands in the sink – I don’t rub my hands all over the sink when I wash them, or my dishes, for that matter. I’m a clean person and clean it out, but there are dried bits of food in my sink and I wash out plates that have had raw meat on them into it. Also, when they’re a bit larger and you transition them into the tub, the baby tub is smaller and, therefore, uses less water, so you’re not filling up your entire bathtub and wasting water/electricity. They’re only about $20, anyway.

A fancy stroller – no, you don’t need a $1,000 designer stroller, but if you buy a $100 one, chances are the first time you fly and trust the baggage people with your stroller, it’s going to come back with something broken. If you don’t fly, it’s not an issue, but if you do, spend a bit more for something sturdy. Do you need the $300 bassinet attachment or $100 parasol? Probably not. Do you need to spend a bit extra to get one that has a travel system, so you can just click that carseat onto it, and don’t have to wake your sleeping baby to get him/her into the stroller? Probably. Think about getting something your child can grow with, something that will last, can be used for a second child, and something that is a combination of compact (fits in your car along with groceries), sturdy and lightweight.

The bumbo seat – I have the Mamas & Papas version of this and it’s a life-saver. My daughter wants to see what I’m doing when I’m cooking, so I can just set her in it on the counter (it’s very sturdy and she’s not going anywhere in it!) and she watches. Otherwise, she’d be somewhere else crying over not seeing what’s happening. I sometimes put her in the Ergo, but when I’m chopping things with a sharp knife, I definitely don’t want to be wearing her. They’re expensive and really not necessary, but they can be nice to have.

Fancy bedding – get two or three $10 fitted sheets from Target and a sleepsack. You don’t need anything else. You’re going to be given so many quilts/blankets as gifts, anyway. You can throw those things on the floor so they can roll around on them.

Expensive clothes – don’t even buy something from Baby Gap that isn’t on sale. $35-40 for a dress your baby is going to drool all over or poop on? No. Wait until it goes on sale for $10-15, because it will. Don’t buy your baby something like Baby Dior, unless you don’t care about money. There are so many affordable, cute clothes for babies, there’s no need to spend a fortune. Also, young babies will be wearing sleepers/onesies most of the time, and you’ll soon find that putting them in outfits everytime you leave the house will be annoying. My daughter has a ton of clothes she never wore, because I was stupid and thought I’d dress her in outfits everyday. Nope. Not even close. I found myself putting her in outfits she was about to outgrow, just to take photos for the grandparents, ONLY so they didn’t go completely to waste. Oh, and as for coats – if they always leave the house in a carseat, don’t even bother. Getting an infant into a coat is a nightmare. Get one of those carseat sleeping bag things, which make coats completely unnecessary. A baby isn’t supposed to wear anything bulky anyway, so the carseat straps are tight on them.

Shoes – the only time you’re going to want your baby (who doesn’t walk) in shoes is when you’re taking photos or going somewhere that they’re dressed up, like a wedding. You can find a cute pair for $5. They’re going to wear them once or twice and kick them off after a few minutes, so be cheap. Babies don’t need Uggs. Yes, baby shoes are tiny and adorable and I found myself having to buy them, but resist the urge if you can (I couldn’t, so I won’t judge).

edik415 2 years ago

…and disposable diapers. Sorry, I had to say it. Buy cloth diapers and learn how to clean them without putting turds in your washing machine.

edik415 2 years ago

Other things you don’t need:
1) Video baby monitors. Heck, I’m not even convinced that you need an audio baby monitor.
2) Diaper changing tables. Unless you don’t have a floor.
3) A special “glider” chair for nursing and rocking the baby. Unless you don’t have a chair.
4) A “stroller sack” that encloses the entire stroller/car seat in cold weather. Cold air still gets in. Stay inside if you don’t want your baby to get cold.
5) Bottle warmer. If you insist on warming your baby’s bottle, use the stove. But really, babies can drink cold milk.
6) Gerber (or other brand) baby food of any sort. Buy a food processor, some fruit and vegetables.

xion 2 years ago

using the baby bath tub was actually more convenient for me. and easier. i didn’t have to worry about my baby slipping out of my hands and cracking her head on the metal from my sink. for people who use the sink, fine, if that works for you then thats cool. but they make baby tubs for a reason.

Amandak 2 years ago

OK so #7 is a must for me and no it’s not because I’m scared of germs. It’s because there are times that I am tired and my sink is full of dishes and the baby needs a bath… worth every penny!

Melissa Ann Edmons 2 years ago

I actually do need a baby bathtub. My sink has two faucets. one super hot and one super cold. no adjusting possible…. Old house.
So I need the bathtub for the bathroom that has water with adjustable temps.

kitty 2 years ago

Also, women warmed the washcloth for baby’s bootie before baby wipes were invented.

kitty 2 years ago

People who use cloth diapers do not put poo in their washing machines. The diaper and all feces is rinsed before the washer.

Jen 2 years ago

BEST POST IN THE WORLD! Thank you for making me (FTM) laugh!!

Someone20001 2 years ago

This is true. My old neighbor was so adamant about giving her kids hand sanitizer, washing their hands, keeping them clean all the time. They were ALWAYS sick…and I mean ALWAYS. Me, on the other hand…I let DD4 get dirty outside. I only make her wash her hands after going to the bathroom, and she rarely gets sick!

Angela M Giglio-Stopczy 2 years ago

I used the crap out of my bebe pod!! And it’s probably the longest used equipment from 3-12 months

mizfortunez 2 years ago

Poop doesn’t go in the washing machine. Maybe research before you say something. But other than that it was cute.

Kristen inDallas 2 years ago

yeah… bumbo’s aren’t really necesary for “teaching” them to sit up… but if you have a little baby cheetah like I did, they do make a nice, socially-acceptable alternative to a straight jacket. :)

Kristen inDallas 2 years ago

bingo… when it comes to clothes, target’s ok… but for something that’s going to become a tiny brown poop sponge, go good will or once upon a child (or hand-me-downs)
Other needs – a baby first aid kit (makes a good gift) clippers, snot sucker, ear thermometer and baby-friendly medicine.
Also outlet covers and latches/locks for all the low cabinets (ask a god father, uncle, or single male friend to help with this as an alternative to getting you “baby stuff”)

Stacy McKinney 2 years ago

Too funny, I actually did not buy ANYTHING on this list. Although some people gave me the bumbo (I never used it), the pee pee teepee (never used it), The bedding I bought I made sure to buy the set W/O the bumper (I made my own that only cover each rail). I LOVE the way you put everything about each item. Thank you for the laugh.

Jennifer Dill 2 years ago

Bahahaha! Yes!
Especially the baby bathtub! Like, I have to scrub both the real, big tub AND this tiny thing with five hundred crevices and drain holes and corners?!? No. Thank. you.
My sink is a no-go for the baby washing, though… All of my little ones have been super allergic to like every single thing you can buy cheaply (thank you, ancestors with sensitive skin, who must have angered a shaman at some point, cursing our family for generations), and their skin rebels terribly at touching anything that has ever once touched any other kind of soap – ever. But we just do the sponge bath-y on the counter for a long time, until baby is big enough to sit up on his/her own and then we use that handy dandy little tub from the hospital that they send home with you. :-)
Although, someone did give me a nice little fold-up baby tub with my last baby, and that was pretty sweet. It actually did fold up and fit under my sink! But I still had to (read; should have) scrub it… Which is completely uncalled for.

Caitlin 2 years ago

As a person who works at Babies R us as a furniture consultant trust me we associates definitely don’t think you need all the stuff the company we work for sells. I have had many registering mothers ask me if certain things on “the list” were necessary and most of the time I reply No absolutely not. And as far as the “has a lobotomy or needs one” comment, (even though sometimes we wish we had one to deal with some of the customers we have to on a daily basis) please make sure you understand that not all stores are like that. You probably encountered a less than star performing associate who was having a bad day. I can assure you (at least the 2 stores I have worked at) are very uplifting, honest, and most of the time pretty cheerful. Most new mothers don’t know what they need and what they don’t. and considering I work in the furniture and bedding department I greatly enjoy explaining what they NEED and what are just nice to have accessories. And as far as bumpers go they are not sold in those big expensive sets anymore so they have the option to buy it or not, and there are breatheable bumpers now that are less than half the cost and are a perfect alternative if you are unconfortable with traditional bumpers. The blanket (quilt) that comes in those is not meant for use with the baby any way it is purely decoration, meant to hang on the wall or over the baby’s crib, which I make sure every mother knows so they are clear on what they are spending their money on. And as far as registering it is always a good idea to register for those things you might not necessarily need because the goal is that you won’t have to buy it any way if you are having a shower. In the end if no one bought it you still don’t have to buy it and haven’t waisted any money. A lot of the people I work with are mothers and will always be honest with customers on what are needs and what are not. But just saying I loved the #10 I have always laughed at the pee cup and thought it was humorous. I had a mother ask me once if it was a need and I told her buy a towel and save 10 dollars. But I would expect to get one at your shower anyway cause people think somehow it is an awesome gift.

Hannah 2 years ago

I didn’t avoid using the sink because of hygienic reasons, but because of the tap being awkwardly in the way. I have a very tiny sink. But I didn’t use a baby tub, just took him in with me.

As for car seats, in some provinces of Canada, it’s mandatory to have an up to date car seat before being discharged from the hospital.

Jessi 2 years ago

Do you sanitize your tub after every shower? How about every time someone poops in your bathroom? Those germs go airborn when you flush. Oh god, we keep our toothbrushes in that air too, how will we ever survive? I’d take the kitchen sink over any bathroom surface any day (I mean if I actually gave two shits I would)

Heather 2 years ago

I have a great idea! All of you butthurt moms should shut the fuuuuck up and get off of the Internet. It’s supposed to be funny (and it was), just…just go. Go away.

This was hilarious and so true, definitely taking all of this advice if I ever have a second baby!

P.s. Sorry if my language fucking offended anyone. I’m really motherfucking sorry.

Darcy 2 years ago

I am having my third child and when I was registering I kept thinking about all the things I didn’t use– high chair, bath tub, play pen, stroller etc… Then my mother in law was asking me all kinds of questions about why I hadn’t registered for anything big and I just said because I don’t need it. I did register for the seat that goes INTO the bathtub though. So many of those things are just crazy and unnecessary.

jf 2 years ago

spraying down the sink at the end of the day seems like part of the job description, but even if you didn’t, why not just do it right before you bathe the kid? It would be easier than cleaning up the tub, although I’m starting to wonder if anyone even thought of doing that!

Cloth Diaper Mom 2 years ago

So no poop diapers in your washer, but poop crib sheets…
Cute but contradictory article. Enjoy your babies ’cause they grow up fast!

K Biehl 2 years ago

So true on all of it, except the turds in the washing machine. If you’re cloth diapering and putting turds in your washing machine, you’re doing it wrong.

mom247 2 years ago

Um i have put my baby in the bathroom sink.. maybe if it is too dirty to wash the kid in then it’s too dirty-so wash the sink!

abnm208 2 years ago

Not the bathroom sink!! The kitchen sink!

Nichole 2 years ago

Okay, with this being comment number 650, I doubt it will be read by many people… then again that isn’t going to stop me from saying my piece. First I have to say I laughed so hard I cried at each and every one of these! Our daughter was the first granddaughter for all three sets of grandparents… can we say SPOILED! Family purchased a lot of the stuff on this list… and most of it was never used and placed on craigslist… with the exception of the fancy stroller… Loved that thing until it fell apart. Then it was left in the middle of the mall parking lot. LOVE this post!

Karina 2 years ago

I was born and raised in Asia (No, not China, Japan or Korea) and when we had our little boy on my 2 year of stay in the US, my trip to babies r us is like the first time I went to bed bath and beyond… Too many unnecessary f’ng choices! so everything listed above, which I admit to buying almost all of them (and regretted later) except the wipe warmer, were not even heard of in my birthplace. Add the “all organic” baby sling, pack and play (2 of them), jumperoo, playmat, 10 different kinds of baby bottles (2 of each kind), rocker (1 for Mom and 1 for baby), matching baby room stuff from curtains to crib mobiles, white noise thingamajig, a chic diaper bag, toys, toys and more toys… all on the first 3 months of the baby’s life. well, at the end, we were too broke to could not even afford to celebrate our babys’ first birthday. I blamed myself because I should have known better. of everything listed as baby’s essentials, the most important one was MOM and DAD.
It was a good thing we bought half of these things from Amazon and they have great return policies.
The only thing I kept was the battery operated snot-sucker! ^_^
So to all Mom-to-be, motherhood instincts kept humankind from being extinct. Every Woman is born with one. (and the Man is compelled by evolution to provide support so don’t insist on the equal task that he needs to change the diapers just like you- it has to be his choice too)
Oh and btw, I used a bedding cover as a sling just like my forefathers used on us and my baby calms down and goes to sleep in 5mins (maybe I should not have done that because he is now 18mos old and 26lbs)

Marie 2 years ago

You have got to be the most hilarious person I’ve ever read on the Internet and so refreshing! Boy am I tired of reading politically correct people too scared to insult people with their opinions! I agree 100%…..people need to stop buying some of these ridiculous things for their babies who just either poop on them in 5 seconds or grow out of them in 5 days and all these germaphob people are crazy! People have been having babies for thousands of years without any of these stupid baby inventions and kids need germs to build up their body’s immune system! Terrific post!

Jenny 2 years ago

I LOVE this! We have 4 children and had every do-dad imaginable for the first one…….It just takes living life with children and doing what works for you. This was very funny, thanks for the laughs!

Gramzy 2 years ago

So your sink isn’t clean enough to wash a baby in, but its clean enough to wash dishes/hands etc? Babies have been getting bathed in sinks for hundreds of years, and we has a species have somehow managed to survive. Wash out the sink before you put the baby in it. Besides…. babies need to be exposed to a certain amount of germs to build up immunities. We are so freaked over sanitizing everything and this is why kids now days have so many allergies and come down with so much stuff.

=) 2 years ago

yeah, that’s gonna work out every time… =/

=) 2 years ago

yeah okay miss “perfect”…

Anna 2 years ago

Do u sanitize the sink after every person washes their hands in it too?

Miranda 2 years ago

Dree that is to the original comment. Not yours. my bad.

Miranda 2 years ago

Lol if your sink isn’t clean, that’s your problem. Talk about a stinky kitchen! You realize you eat off those dishes, right? I clean my sink every time I’m done with washing the dishes (thought it was basic kitchen hygiene) and also bathed my daughter in it. She’s fine and also doesn’t smell like leftovers.

Dree Sikorski 2 years ago

Um, sanitize the sink before hand.

Shanny333 2 years ago

Haha this is great and I agree with my third child I got the cheap necessities and saved stuff from my second

Jennifer Merritt Frisbee 2 years ago

I don;t agree with the Bumbo seat or the baby bath tub. the Bumbo seat was a life saver with my last child, she loved being able to sit up and see everything. I would never bathe my baby in a sink, yuck. Too many germs, def love and used the baby bath tub ALOT!

Isa Richardson 2 years ago

My Son takes a bath with me, he is only 2 months old. After all, he seen me naked. Bath Tub costs money. Another thing, Wipe warmer isn’t used for my son, I warm the wipe up with my clean hands when it is in the diaperbag. No bumper pads for my son. I am a 1st time mother and what I am doing works for me.

jacob 2 years ago

I don’t agree with the baby tub on this list. I wouldn’t want to put my kids in the sink. Its dirty from all the mouth and face washing.

Alex 2 years ago

You have baby tub on both lists…

Crystal 2 years ago

Perfectly said.

perla 2 years ago

Hilarious! !! Love it! !!

Tony 2 years ago

I found it amusing that one of “the only 12 things you need” is a baby bathtub, which you denounced as a waste.

Jen 2 years ago

Do you know what I discovered to be a complete waste of money when Kid 2 was born? Pacifiers. Kid 1 was a binky junkie. She always had one (or two) in her mouth, a couple more at the ready in her hand/pocket, three in her crib at all times… we had them everywhere. So when Kid 2 was born I went out and stocked up, and guess what? She wouldn’t touch them. She turned out to be a thumb-sucker. Totally useless. My point is that even though motherhood is a universal condition for women with kids, it is a unique experience for each of us. What is useless for one can be a lifesaver for another. I get tired of watching mothers have to defend themselves over every little thing when we’re all just trying to do the best we can for our kids. Share your experiences and wisdom, sure, but why do we insist on bashing one another when we have a different experience and opinion? Nobody needs a $1000 stroller, sure, but nobody needs to drive a Mercedes either. Who cares. I’m not talking about the blog author, by the way, because that shit’s just funny.
Signed, a mom who found baby bathtub to be useless but thought the Bumbo was pure genius for Kid 2

jessie 2 years ago

exactly, we should be supporting one another…everybody’s different.

Aleshia 2 years ago

Most people I know who use cloth diapers use clothes lines, because drying them in the dryer is not only a waste of energy, but it’s also damaging to diapers. As for the person who had problems with cloth diapers, sometimes they can be difficult, but I buy all in ones or pocket diapers and I’ve never had problems with diaper rash or the diapers hurting baby (never used plastic covers). With my first diaper rash was awful, because of the chemicals in the diapers. Both of my boys have sensitive skin. I also don’t know about the chemicals used in washing, but I know that I use an environmentally friendly soap because it keeps the diapers from clogging and not absorbing anymore, and it keeps my kids from having a reaction.

Sydney 2 years ago

Wow I don’t understand why so many of you feel the need to fight on here…you are all allowed your own opinion there’s no need to force feed it down other moms throats and as far as the cloth diapers I don’t care how green the are its gross it reminds me of an episode of extreme cheapskates where they used cloth squares instead of toilet paper..again not for me. And then the wipe warmer you’ve got to be kidding me I live in michigan and it was -40 yesterday the last thing I’m worried about warming up is a damn baby wipe and no one goes to therapy because their mom didn’t wipe there ass with warm baby wipes so sorry kids but you’re getting a room temperature baby wipe

Nadine 2 years ago

When wipes are kept warm in hospitals, they are only left in the warmer when they are unopened, and there is a limit to how long they can be left in the warmer before they need to be thrown out. I don’t have children yet, so I don’t have an opinion on the use for kids; but the hospitals don’t let wipes go back into the warmers after opening, nor do they stay for very long on a warmer. I would think that using a small plastic baggie for the wipes that you might need in one day, and leaving that in the warmer would be better than risking bacterial overgrowth by leaving the entire pack in the warmer (because doesn’t it take a good week or more to go through the pack of wipes?)

Max 2 years ago

The funny thing is I believed none of your points before I had my first child…my second child received none of the items which you listed as needless. I think I also used dirty towels from the garage a couple of times in a pinch. 😉

angmo 2 years ago

Ahhhhh, Finally someone with my kind of humor.

mrsktel 2 years ago

Pee pee tee pees oh how I hate you. The choice is pee on himself and me or put a teepee on and the pee dribbles on himself and the changing table. The pad on thoae tables is not washable but my clothes are. Soooooo guess I’m getting peed on.

KLF 2 years ago

In 1979, I was adopted at the age of 6 weeks. I slept in a crib, wore disposable diapers, was bottle fed formula, and I turned out just fine. My adoptive Mom couldn’t have children. I know research shows that breast milk has all sorts of benefits including increased brain development/possible higher IQs or whatever but, my four younger cousins were all bottle fed as well and they all turned out to be some of the most intelligent people I’ve ever known.

Laura 2 years ago

Something to consider the Price Lionheart wipe warmer makes an excellent night light…beyond that it’s useless because it dries out the wipes.

Jaime 2 years ago

I agree with everything that’s said here, but as someone who worked for Babies R Us, isn’t that introduction going just a BIT too far? Employees there are just that-employees. They’re trying to earn a paycheck just like everyone else, and have no control over what items are put on that list, or what items they’re forced to recommend. When I worked there I did my best to help the new moms get the things they needed, and tried to keep them away from the useless items…but in all fairness, I had to do my job, just like everyone else. And saying that I’d had a lobotomy or needed one simply for doing what I was instructed to do to earn my paycheck? Classless.

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Tierra 2 years ago

I thought this was a cute and hilarious one. I couldn’t help but laugh I still want the Bumbo and Baby Shower/tub for the next kid , go a for a gently used one, because this Incredible Hulk 7 month old boy I have… is alot to handle without the extra toys.

Jen Suan RN 2 years ago

Or use a neat product I found and have been using on many items in my home, as well as clothes…Folex. This stuff is amazing and it gets everything out of anything. Try it.

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EricAnd Melissa Tucker 2 years ago

Although I agree that you sometimes can dump the poop in the toilet, it's not always possible. I had a breastfed baby and poop was slightly thicker than liquid. There was no dumping it into the toilet. :-(

Cris Holston 2 years ago

Penelope Samatrici That's cool, I've never heard of it! :) I love to learn about something new I might like to have. Thanks Penelope.

Penelope Samatrici 2 years ago

Cris Holston Yes it's a little sprayer also called Mr. Bidet, that you can attach to your toilet and use to rinse your own ass from your own shit!
Also to simply wash your genitalia and be fresh and clean after you use the toilet.

Some people discover it to rinse cloth diapers. It works also for that purpose.

Cris Holston 2 years ago

Alicia H you have a hose in your bathroom?

Anna Ewers 2 years ago

Funny article! I gotta add a couple of things: About bedding, get a fitted sheet, then lay a receiving blanket on top of it as a sheet protector. The mess will be on the receiving blanket instead of the sheet. If it's cold use a blanket sleeper. About shoes: They come off while you're out and you find you've only got one. Use socks instead. Get a bunch that are exactly the same so if all the left ones get lost you still have several pairs.

Anna Ewers 2 years ago

If you walk or jog for exercise, a good quality jogging stroller is a must-have.

Kristin O’Shaughnessy 2 years ago

That woman is hilarious! And so true!

Shannon Arruda 2 years ago

I couldn't agree more with all of this. I have four kids and the 1st had everything possible and I barely used any of it or he grew out of it before I even realized I had bought it.

mom to 3 2 years ago

Agreed.

You need:
1. bed for baby (get a cot) & mattress with cover
2. pram (that folds down so they can sleep
3. car seat (very NB, pref new as old ones may have been in an accident)
4. bottles (if bottle feeding)

make your own:
1. sheets & flannel blankets (receiving blankets) just hem fabric
2. knit cute cardigans, or get the grannies to make them

second hand:
1. clothes
2. toys

if someone asks what they can buy you:
1. diapers
2. wipes
3. toiletries

Jenny Zech 2 years ago

Sunlight removes poop stains, esp breastmik poop ones.
Wash as normal, while still WET put outside in the bright sunlight. POOF! Stain is gone even on whites…it's like magic!

JessK 2 years ago

I am 10 weeks prego with my first and live in a small house, so this was refreshing to read! I personally use wipes myself, so if my baby gets a warmer, I will probably use it too! :)

Andrea 2 years ago

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and this is my first child. I can’t stop thinking about what to get and what not to get… THANK YOU! AND this shit was hilarious on top of that haha!!!

Janet Jorgensen 2 years ago

Wow, cute article but many of the comments are really disappointing. Ladies, we are all on the same team and we all want what is best for our babies. There is no right or wrong way of doing things if your baby is healthy, safe and happy and the parent/s are healthy, safe and happy. Use your best judgement and do what is best for your family! You are all outstanding in your parenting no matter what your choices are! We are all raising amazing little beings who will go out and create magnificent things in the future. Let's love them, guide them and then get out of their way! xoxo

Chiara 2 years ago

Very funny, but I don’t really get the one about car seats (#8).
In Italy (where I live and we’ll have our baby) car seats MUST be used. It’s an annoying expense, but you get fined if you don’t use them!

Amber Kuntz 2 years ago

Love you! I've said this stuff forever! I'm expecting my 2nd, and especially the Bumbo seat and wipe warmer. I worked 8+ years in a vet clinic, and do surgery now, once you see Parvo or anything else that goes into a veterinary washing machine you keep yours super clean at home. I've even invested in the washer cleaner tablets. I normally run 2-3 cycles if something catastrophic like flu season hits at oh so dark thirty, but if it's too much at the moment lol that's what a garbage bag and the local laundromat are for. I contemplated cloth diapers but then meh what the heck I lived learned and got Luvs.

Nikole Fucci 2 years ago

Poop stains will generally come out if left to dey in the sun. Spit up/foods stains too. I received a hand me down that was absolutely adorable and then I went to out it on baby n it had a giant stain I hadn't seen before. Got it just wet enough to be damp threw it over my rail in the sun to dry And viola stain gone :)

Lori Patterson 2 years ago

i am a mom times two and i used cloth dipers for at home and a face cloth to wash there butts with and i used wipes and store bought dipers for travel and visiting and also carried babys bar soup and a washclots with me everywhere in a zip lock bag for the really bad poops plus my own plastic bags to dispose smelly dipers as a new mom i wanted all the cool things for baby to find out most of the things where a waste of money or just didnt get used because the baby grow two fast i so wish i could rewind the times and start all over again because it would be more like the olden days and more money in the banks just saying

Christopher Prejean 2 years ago

I agree! Might not have been a necessity, but it was nice to wipe my son without waking him!! Made getting up in the middle of the night that much easier knowing I was going right back to bed!

Debbie Lynn Barlow 2 years ago

Teri Downing that is what I done too or had them in the tub with me and then passed them to grandma or daddy to dress

Natalie 2 years ago

Oh bless u, your comment about farting made me laugh so hard… Too funny!!

Natalie 2 years ago

I 1000% agree, do what is neccesary to get your kids to be healthy & happy… Here’s my story, my daughter was born early & weighed 3lbs, we spent 5 weeks in NICU, so i focus on feeding not on diaper cleaning! I love that there are mothers that use cloth diapers, Good on ya! I have a full bin beside my change table being unused as I focus on trying to get in a little tummy time between doctor’s appointments, & find they take more time than i have!
This morning while breastfeeding ( which if u have a bottle fed NICU baby you know how frustrating this can be) i laughed so hard i cried, which made my daughter giggle like a banchee (sp?) and then fed better than usual, so thank-you for making a usually very upsetting process a blast this morning! To all those mothers out there that laughed at this & then felt guilty b/c of all the hateful replies… Is your child fed, clothed & connecting with you, if so, keep doing what u r doing b/c u are building the next generation, and that is a lot of responsibility! Be the best mom / dad u can be & LOVE your kids… And don’t feel guilty if somedays u think they are a douche, it happens to all of us! Good luck! Oh yeah, and be nice to people b/c kindness is one of the best things u can teach your children!

Amanda 2 years ago

This was a funny read! Thank you for brightening up my overnight shift! What I don’t find amusing is all the horrible people out there willing to jump all over another person who doesn’t follow their parenting practices. I think we’re all trying to get to the same end result. Get through parenthood with some sanity, most of our hair and not raising kids that knock of convenience and liquor stores (my apologies to parents who actually training their children for this purpose). Get a grip people. For those of you environmentally conscious people who cloth diaper and clothed diaper wipe even (if only I had the time! Wow!) thank you for taking up the slack where other parents don’t have the time, resources or just not the commitment to it! At least there’s less diapers in the landfill because of you. So now that you’ve got a warm fuzzy feeling keep your snarky comments to yourself about cloth diapering. Same goes for those putting the diapers in the landfill. I used a wipe warmer for sensory reasons until you have a child with a sensory disorder you have no idea what I’m talking about. I don’t care about antibacterial properties or lack there of. My kid didn’t scream like he was being skinned once I started using one. End of story. So my point is, if your kid is alive and thriving you’re doing it right. For now, until there’s discussion of participation trophies, then things change.

Denise Sanders 2 years ago

Oh thank you !! I just laughed my ass off!!!!!!!

Kimberly Standish 2 years ago

Like a lot of clothe diaper moms have already pointed out – No turds in the washing machine. There's nice little liners that you pull out and toss for poo, a sprayer that connects to your toilet and uses clean water to hose off the diaper or you can rinse by hand. Toss the used clothe into your zip up bag and once full, dump into laundry (diapers and the bag itself.) No smells! Lots of nifty stuff out there now for clothe diapers!

For me, clothe diapers have nothing to do with environment. It's more about what is in the disposables worries me for my child and the cost of disposables vs cost of clothe.

All of you arguing and debating about clothe vs disposables need to cut the shit. No single way works for every family and it never will. Calm down and diaper on. Raise your child like you want – that's your right as your child's parent!

Virginia Carver 2 years ago

Omg as for the bumbo seats I didn't even know they were for teaching baby to sit. My daughter loved laying down so I never had an issue there but my son who's 9 mos hates not sitting up and always has! My sister in law gave me a bumbo and it saved my sanity and house from falling into more of a disaster than it already was.

Stephanie Herszon E Hugo Torres 2 years ago

Now, talking about the whole section here. I agree with you, you do over exaggerate on every single point. But I guess that's your point of view. I agree about buying cheaper things but not on the amoeba pattern part. My son did not shit his brains out when he came out of the hospital. Unless you did not change as often needed. And the few times he had some sort of diarrhea and it leaked out of the diaper I washed the bed shits, and the pillow with just regular soap and it came out.
The bathtub you need it, because not every sink you are going to be able to put your baby in. I understand they wont feet at any regular space, but its needed.
The wipe warmer, the expensive clothes, and other points are totally true… you do not need to get them( But if you do get them, WTH?! Just use it as much as you can.)

Now, I know some ppl say that bumpers can kill your baby… but I think it depends on you and your baby, My baby used until he took it off himself. :) So no issues there.

Stephanie Herszon E Hugo Torres 2 years ago

Well, I have to disagree a little. My genie's diaper thingy did not let any smell come out. Never! Plus, it held more than just 10 bags. I dunno if my brand was better but I was happy with it. Any how, I would (when it was full and I couldn't add anymore-usually a week- more than 10 diapers) throw then straight out on the garbage outside. The bag was almost my size tall LOL but I carried it out and the garbage man would pick it up. 😉 No regrets on that one.

Kristen Copeland Dutsch 2 years ago

lol I hear ya I think some need a time out!

Kristen Copeland Dutsch 2 years ago

be have ladies gracious, a time out maybe? lol hugs

Kristen Copeland Dutsch 2 years ago

Bought our baby bath tub second hand and loved it! BUT yeah still used the sink at times then the bathtub lol o'well as the mother of three boys each method worked for each child lol.

Kristen Copeland Dutsch 2 years ago

lawd yes grrr fac and veven if your smart enough to use a reg tall kitchen trash bag ya still have a very heavey long worm like shape of diapers just ready to be put in the garbage >.< so now you have a heavey worm like thing to carry before it ripps open and you can smell if rather than skipping the middle man and not speding all the time and effort and just throw the nappy in the trash already (did I mention even putting a simle trash bag in these things is NOT fun! lol

Troy Rowekamp 2 years ago

arm and hammer has one that has baking soda. it hasn't smelled yet and works better than diaper genies I've used

Newdad 2 years ago

If you have some correction for the list because of some crappy statistic and “it’s in a study”. I want you to go to the nearest bathroom look in the mirror and punch yourself in the face. Lighten up and see the humor, good god. EXCELLENT ARTICLE!

Juliet Fox Jordan 2 years ago

You say Duh, but how is any of that evident if you don't have the experience?

Crystal Wilkinson 2 years ago

Not everyone lives in town with a big fancy diaper service. I live in a small town where people have never even heard of a diaper service…lol l Also some people have full-time jobs and don't have time to "Save the environment" and do laundry everyday. Do you have a job lady? Pssssh! lol

Trace Keene-Latham 2 years ago

ROTFLMAO! Yep, spot on! Except you didn't mention the umpteen-thousand dollar F'ing 'convertible' crib that's supposed to turn into a toddler bed, daybed, or twin bed, but you end up beating the bloody thing with a crowbar because none of the pieces go together like they're supposed to, after you've been reading their stupid instructions and trying to follow the diagram for SIX HOURS. So, just spend $80 on the bloody pack-n-play that has the removable bassinette, and buy bigger beds as they need them. Which will be years from now.

Jody Leigh 2 years ago

I used the regular bath tub. I laid them on their backs in 2 to 3 inches of water.

Jody Leigh 2 years ago

So you are saving the earth by using cloth diapers, but using twice the water. Ha!

Christina Schaeffer-Lickfold 2 years ago

In my opinion people should do whatever the hell works for their family…

Val Hobbs 2 years ago

We use Fuzzibunz and LOVE them! I can agree most things marketed as baby neccessities are garbage but I think our generation needs to educate themselves properly before commenting on something they know so little about. I spray them clean in the toilet, then I wash them once my containers full. I wash at reccomended heat settings and then I line dry. I always run a empty load of hot water and bleach afterwards. Have your kids never thrown up on a outfit? Was your kid so great they potty trained w/o incident? I suppose no one has ever wet the bed at your house either? In my opinion disposables are for lazy people.

Steven Welsh 2 years ago

you bitches are all potty-mouths! Parenting, the original: same shit different day. And "Kiss my ass" was first said by a baby

Sarah Hodits 2 years ago

Oooohhhh, I did not catch that. Pregnancy brain.

Connie Wilson Willenburg 2 years ago

That was my intent, goofus <3

Sarah Hodits 2 years ago

And yet by commenting on it, you ended up sharing it. Score one for Scary Mommy.

Connie Wilson Willenburg 2 years ago

Great advice! I would have shared, but the f'ing language was too distracting and unnecessary.

Vanessa Maheu 2 years ago

Whitney Norris It's not just about the so-called carbon footprint; the diapers your kids use will be taking up plenty of space in landfills long after you, your children, your grandchildren, and your great grandchildren are gone.

Natasha Narver 2 years ago

Made of powder-coated steel that does not absorb odors – Ubbi Steel Diaper Pail You have to buy the right pail. This is what i got and its awesome, Plastic absorbs smell. steel doesn't.

Natasha Narver 2 years ago

You attach a fricken hose to your toilet, takes like 4 seconds. Relax

Jessica Gloria 2 years ago

" Too much work? then go ahead and buy the plastic wrapped plastic shit"

Motherhood, all by itself, is A LOT of work. Work has nothing to do with it for some of us. Everybody has different parenting methods and makes different choices. It is an extremely cheap generalization to assume that us mothers who do not cloth diaper are lazy. There is already enough pressure from society on mothers to do EVERYTHING by the book. Why be an asshole and get all self righteous about cloth diapering on a blog that is clearly satire? Good for you, I guess. Ridiculous.

Anonymous 2 years ago

Thank you so much for this!!! I'm a first time mom and not only was this helpful but it made me laugh out loud several times!

Carlee Seigler 2 years ago

Haha! Hilarious and so true!! I have a 2 month old right now… Her quilt is hanging over the chair… Risking it with the bumpers in her crib… Ditched the wipe warmer a week in… A fancy stroller that doesn't fit in the back of my SUV unless you take the fancy wheels off… And a bumbo sitting in the corner of her room!

Carlee Seigler 2 years ago

Haha! Hilarious and so true!! I have a 2 month old right now… Her quilt is hanging over the chair… Risking it with the bumpers in her crib… Ditched the wipe warmer a week in… A fancy stroller that doesn't fit in the back of my SUV unless you take the fancy wheels off… And a bumbo sitting in the corner of her room!

Carolann 2 years ago

You know I was pretty ok with using cloth diapers, but my husband wasn’t. This man has a hard time cleaning dishes because he thinks about all the gross leftover food, so we didn’t cloth diaper and I am happy. Being a working mom , and a lazy mom, don’t work with cloth. I am happy to throw away my earths best diapers and wipes which are made from the same shit as organic travel liners for cloth diapers and I’m happy. Although I do keep a cloth diaper in my car just in case I forget diapers or something.

Sabrina Conery 2 years ago

Donna Karen yes, I do. It's sooo much more comfortable and many moms report having shorter periods and less cramping. I use a menstrual cup too (Lady Cup). Which doesn't have the same toxic issues as tampons.

Helen 2 years ago

I have three kids, they all had blankets in their beds, and they survived fine. Heck, I even had bumper pads. I don’t understand why they are freaking out about blankets. The baby bath was the best thing I bought, one of the cheaper plastic ones, because when we went camping, it worked wonders for dishes, carrying stuff, and everyone having a bath even if it meant standing up. Thanks for the laugh about the diapers.

Paul Gladwin 2 years ago

Awesome!You are funny and down to the point. I agree with all of this!!!! I am on my 4th son (in 6 years) and so many items are impractical. I always bathed my babies with me (until they could sit upright on their own) yes they squirm, but you don't need a ton of water. And a wipe warmer! Ha ha ha! But ya know most first time moms have to learn this on their own, 😉 and sure enough they will learn

Teri Downing 2 years ago

Took mine in the shower with me, got the job done and passed them off to daddy!

Paula 2 years ago

Baby bathtub is so pointless, and the giant sponge to lay them on instead is just ad pointless. I’d wring that thing out everytime, but it would still get moldy. instead, I’d just lay a large towell, folded length- and cross-wise in bottom of tub, then run a little warm water. Lay baby on the towell. wring out towell, hang it to dry, throw it in the hamper to wash!

Sarah Kelly Klaus 2 years ago

when emptying diaper genie after several days the odor was so bad I wanted to vomit….I prefer just putting my diapers with the regular trash….if they are that bad the trash goes out early that night lol

Sara Page 2 years ago

Tanya Torres, your awesome!

Sara Page 2 years ago

Jennifer Amanda seriously went insane over a damn table I never use! We ordered one, took it back, when all over town and now there it sits. Collecting dust. Like when a kid starts rolling over, sorry I would rather already be on the floor than have her fall from 4 feet off the ground lol

Jennifer Amanda 2 years ago

I love this…so true

Sara Page 2 years ago

Are there only ten things cause I see nothing about the diapers.

Sara Page 2 years ago

A CHANGING TABLE! WE NEVER USED OURS, LIKE WENT ALL OVER TOWN LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT ONE TO MATCH OUT WHITE DECOR, AND YEP…NEVER USE IT! THE FLOOR, COUCH SERVES ITS PURPOSE FOR THAT ONE. LOL

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Deb Montgomery 2 years ago

Danielle Cheri Scholten well before you jump to disposables I would suggest that you buy a box or two of adult diapers and wear them yourself and if after that time you determine that they are comfortable and throw out all of your underwear in favour of disposable diapers for youself, then go for it… wrap that baby in chemicals and plastic.

Dani Pidgeon 2 years ago

We tried the baby bath tub and agree it was completely impractical. We ended up getting a baby "bath seat" that cradled our son just right in the bathtub, which we filled only a tiny bit – then we had both hands free to bath and play with him :)

Brandi Docksteader 2 years ago

Sasha Matchett Lol, sorry you misunderstood me. I found the article funny, the judgmental comments attached to the article- and in just about every motherhood journal and blog in existence- not so much.

Sasha Matchett 2 years ago

So I'm guessing you got this off of my wall, after reading what you wrote i'm not sure if you're pissed about what's in the article, or if you found it funny.

Brandi Docksteader 2 years ago

LOVE it when people make judgmental comments when they have NO CLUE what other people's situations may be. So something was AWESOME for you- that's great. But there is absolutely NO reason to judge others or comment on others actions and choices especially when 9 times out of 10 they have NO CLUE why the other person is using or doing what they do.

For all the "Oh (insert ridiculous item you don't REALLY need here) doesn't cost THAT much. I'm sure you could afford it, so why doesn everyone complain about it" comments, I secretly fantasize about punching them repeatedly in the face. I found out I was pregnant after 2 years of fertility treatments had ended in having been told I couldn't ever have kids- obviously the doctors were wrong as I now have a 3 yr. old- so 7 years after the infertility diagnosis I had spent what I had previously saved up on a new house and my 'Saving for Baby' account was nonexistent. I also found out I was pregnant 6 month into the pregnancy and my daughter was born a bit early so it's not like I had 9 months to save up. More like 2 months. Roughly 90% of my daughter's clothes, bedding, furniture, etc. were hand-me-downs or gifted, not because I was being trendy by being thrifty, but because I HAD to. I also know that there were others in much worse financial distress than me with children and I am incredibly grateful for what we have and for the friends and family who helped us.

To make matters worse, I HATE it when people judge me for not breastfeeding especially since feeding my daughter formula wasn't even a choice I made but one that was forced on me. So you breastfed your kid until they were 6. Good for you. For some people breastfeeding literally isn't even an option. There's no need to get all asshole-ish toward them. I wanted to breastfeed my daughter SO bad- it was the best thing I could feed my daughter and it's much cheaper than formula (like I said earlier, I was trying to save every bit of money I could so buying formula was NOT my initial plan). After 5 days of tears and struggling I was forced by the hospital to give my daughter formula as she was literally starving to death while latched on my chest. Meanwhile I got the guilt trip of the century from hell from the lactation consultant at failing at something so natural and was made to feel less than human. Even with medication and trying to increase flow with a strict breast pump schedule, after 2 weeks I could only get 4 oz. every 2 days and it ultimately just made the pain worse with no improvement. Then after 2 weeks of pumping, swelling, soreness, and tears- and oddly NO leakage like other breastfeeding moms I knew had problems with- we found out what was wrong after a sonogram of my chest identified the problem. I have a rare problem (apparently it's hereditary as both my maternal grandmother had the problem with all 5 of her children and my twin sister had the issue when she had her son) where I had 1/4 of the milk ducts most women have and breastfeeding was not possible. The milk was there which was why I was swollen and in pain, but there wasn't enough ducts to let the flow out. I could not breastfeed no matter how much I wanted to. 3 years later I still want to go back to the maternity ward and slap that lactation consultant. She had NO RIGHT to say the things she did and NO RIGHT to judge me the way she did over something that was completely out of my control.

And then there's the 'Cloth Diaper Mafia'. Yeah, I understand both the financial and the environmental reasons for using cloth vs. disposable diapers as well as the sensitivity problems caused by the chemicals in disposable diapers. And yes, my daughter had a sensitivity problem with disposables. However, to those who get all self righteous about cloth diapers and get all judgmental to those who don't use them, they aren't an option for everyone so get off your high horse. When my daughter was born BOTH my husband and I were enlisted in the Army. We BOTH had to be at work at 6 in the morning and we BOTH often didn't get off work until some time between 6 and 8 at night. The only daycare we could find that could accommodate our hourly needs without being restricted by state hourly restrictions (10 hrs.) was on-post day care and they had a disposable diapers only policy. We weren't FORCED to use on-post care, but they were the only ones who accommodate our units' schedules so we kinda were 'forced' to use them or face jail time for going Absent Without Leave (AWOL-which since it was in a time of war they could have- and in some cases have- tacked a treason charge on just for the hell of it, regardless we're talking jail time) to pick up our kid or leave her there until our unit released us and have CPS take our child and face jail time for abandonment charges. Basically the difference between the choices if we didn't use the post daycare that could take the hours we needed was which prison we wanted- Fort Leonardwood in a miltary prison or go to a state prison. I wish more than anything that I could have put her in cloth diapers but ultimately had no option. There was no winning in our situation. The Army couldn't care less about the state of my daughter's delicate behind or the environmental impact of the daycare's policy. Now that we're both out and we don't have to work 12 (or more) hour days, if we were to have a child again we would go with cloth diapers. I do know they are better for a million different reasons, but at the time cloth was not an option for us, so I get a little ticked when I see others get all self-righteous over cloth diapers. Again, it's become just another reason for people to get all judgmental about things they have no clue about.

Karon Shepperdson 2 years ago

I did that with both my sons lol back 36 years ago LoL.

Gayle Grice-Cudmore 2 years ago

Everytime your baby has a poop in his or her diaper….clean your baby & re-diaper then go into the bathroom & dump the poop into the toilet & flush it. I don't understand why people with disposable diapers wrap it up & put it in the garbage…no wonder it stinks! Cloth diapers also, put the poop in the toilet.

Valerya Rose Baker 2 years ago

I disagree with about half of this. Especially the wipes warmer. It saved our sanity with our two older girls, who were both born in fall/winter. It was honestly the best $15 we've spent, even though we only used it for a month or so with each of them. Not hearing blood curdling screaming in the middle of the night while I changed a diaper was so worth it.

Alicia H 2 years ago

No cloth diaper user puts "turds" in their washer. They use a hose with a strong sprayer and rinse the diaper into the toilet. It's almost clean before it goes into the washer.

Alicia H 2 years ago

All a Bumbo does is put your child in an unnatural position. At the Early Head Start center I work at we had an infant who started with us the day she turned 6 weeks. As we are governed by Head Start Performance Standards, we had absolutely zero baby positioning devices such as bouncy chairs, Bumbos, exersaucers, etc. That baby laid on the floor flat on her back or on her belly when she wasn't being held. Would you believe she was rolling, scooting, crawling, sitting and pulling up before any other baby I had experience with? She was forced to use and strengthen her muscles naturally.

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Ashlynn Deavereau 2 years ago

I agree, the listed items are not really needed. I would like to add all the profanity used by Alpert is also not needed to make her point. Just saying…

Courtney Griffith 2 years ago

Fantastic article! I laughed so hard my coworkers were staring at me!! After having my first and now onto my 2nd baby, I'm needing to refresh my memory about what nonsense shit I bought the first go-round, and this reminded me perfectly :)

Jessica Mehlich 2 years ago

Many people get their panties in a bunch about this diaper thing! Without saying you should or should't use cloth diapers, I am curious for you people what do you do when your babies get poop on sheets, clothes, blankets etc? whats the difference?

Jean C Florian 2 years ago

You don't put the poop in the washing machine. You dump the poop into the toilet. Then you rinse the diaper , bopping it up and down as the toilet is flushed. Hang on to the diaper. You accomplish an extra neat thing. Your toilet is always shiny and never stained.

Heather Eubank 2 years ago

borox in its natural state is not toxic. This is why it is added to so many different things for different uses, including some toothpastes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borax

Cat Morrow 2 years ago

And when you go to dispose of the toxic waste it un'ravels and shoots week old shit and piss all over your house. Yay poopy tornado!

Ashlie Marencian 2 years ago

my favorite part was about the wipe warmer

Ashlie Marencian 2 years ago

yea it was

Sherry Freeman 2 years ago

This was a funny read, nice!

Tonya Dickerson 2 years ago

I really enjoyed how people took your seriously when really it was just your opinion and so what you don't want to use cloth diapers. They aren't for everyone.

Jessica Lindsay Orwiler 2 years ago

I got a running stroller off of Craigslist for $15. It was actually a present from my good friend, and her hubby cleaned it all up, and put new tennis racket wrap around the grip part of the stroller. Like new! Can't beat $15 for a running stroller!!

Renee M Cole 2 years ago

they are much more comfy for a baby and they really aren't that expensive. iTs only a one time purchase too.

Renee M Cole 2 years ago

borox is toxic too.

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Kelly White 2 years ago

I've never even heard of a peepee teepee!?

Rebecca Hillstead 2 years ago

Lol, loved this. :-)

Silver Hardy-Smith 2 years ago

OMG, this is hilarious. I laughed all through…..#1 and #6…..classic lol. I'm glad I read this. Got me some ideas now considering I'm going to be a first time mum..

Laura Long Woerner 2 years ago

Anitia I agree with your comment. You throw the turds in the toliet and rinse the diaper in the sink…its not gross at all..guess what you will be washing turd covered clothing ANYWAY because babie and kids poop on clothing. I think our society so stupid and ignorant it scares me.

sheila 2 years ago

I don’t know what’s funnier: the article or the self-righteous mummies. Who cares if you cloth diapered, avoided chemicals, ate organic, & never farted near your child for fear of CO2 emissions? Live and let live.

Emilia Huezo 2 years ago

Meghan Steinman Watson yep and those nasty diapers will still be here long after you, your kids, and the planet are gone or destroyed…

Christine Welsh 2 years ago

Connie Martin Birth Chemicals may not have "touched" your child, but they sure went down the drain into the environment for the rest of us.

Sarah Vee 2 years ago

Rinsing clothing diapers in the toilet is really not that disgusting… In America, the same water that comes out of our sinks is found in the toilet! (Not true in many countries). Or you could try a mini portable washing Machine (i.e. the Panda is $90). I know it's just another thing to buy, but if you are reusing cloth diapers, you are saving money by not buying loads of disposable ones. Also, this way you can avoid the problem of putting poopy diapers in your regular washing machine.

Jessica Marie Thweatt 2 years ago

i know! THey're just a pain in the ass, i can understand taking a little grocery bag and putting it next two where you change, but my goodness

Suzanne Carol Marie 2 years ago

Danielle Cheri Scholten – it never ceases to amaze me that people find it gross to rinse out a cloth diaper. My toilet was never cleaner while my boys were in diapers :-) And you know that thing called soap? I always used some on my hands after I rinsed a diaper.

Julie Chacon 2 years ago

Though I never would have bought a wipe warmer I actually found it very useful. My little guy would Pee the minute you used a wipe. So after 3 weeks of this I broke open the wipe warmer I was going to return. He stopped peeing every change.

Baptismalgownsplus.com 2 years ago

And after a little while they just smell disgusting because you have been actually choosing to store poop in the room that your baby sleeps in for many, many hours a day…

Toni 2 years ago

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Ashley Bond 2 years ago

I agree with you on the car seat issue. Who the hell has $200 to spend on one of those plus an extra $80 for a base to go in your other car. My baby is 2 months old and will undoubtedly be too tall for her infant car seat by the time she is 6 months. If I had bought my car seat (I didn't) it would have cost me an extra $200 just for the privilege of driving her around in my car for 6 months. Then I'd have to buy another $200 car seat.

Jim Desaye 2 years ago

First sponge bob diarrhea now this!

Cathi Luzar Rush 2 years ago

Holy crap! I was eating a bowl of fruit while reading this and when I got to the part about putting turds in the washing machine, I laughed so damn hard that honeydew melon literally fell out my mouth. I felt the exact same way about cloth diapers.

Meghan Steinman Watson 2 years ago

used pampers, kid and planet are still here

Angela Giesbrecht 2 years ago

I need the diaper genie, my dog is addicted to eating poo! Yuck I know right….the love we have for our fur babies…shes hard to love sometimes… but it will keep her out of the poo!

Paris Sweeper Pitt 2 years ago

I was cracking up by #2, crying at #4, and wet my pants on #8! Thank you so much for the laughs. I'm a FTM and I think I put all this stuff on my registry! Lol! I'm just imagining myself putting that onesie on at the hospital. Hilarious! This just reminds me to loosen up cause more than likely once I get it on baby girl she'll poop on it!

Anne Marie Mysliwiec Allman 2 years ago

the diaper genie sticks after a few diapers tossed in it

Jenn Polachek 2 years ago

I don't care what any of you uptight people critisize about..I think she is absolutley hysterical! It is great to have a good laugh after taking every last thing so serious during my pregnancy…. lifes to short. LAUGH ITS FUNNY!

Debbie Kester 2 years ago

When my first child was born disposable diapers (pampers) we very new. All the littles that I babysat as a teen were in cloth diapers so I was used to that. I thought, "no big deal to rinse the diaper in the toilet" and the first poopy diaper took FOREVER to rinse in the toilet and my fingers got wet with poopy water, sooo disgusting! This lasted about 2 weeks and I was a pampers mom from that point on! Especially away from home you are not carrying around a stinky dirty cloth diaper all day. All those cloth diapers then became burp/spit up towels! I'm just sayin' as an experienced mom and grandma!

Azy Chrzan 2 years ago

I was just crying for no reason (thank you hormones) and this just cracked me up. Thank you!

DLatrice 2 years ago

Idk what is wrong with everyone talking about the car seat thing. She put in the article “just kidding”. Do you know what a joke is? Obviously you NEED a car seat. Pay attention.

Marian 2 years ago

When my kids were little (40+ years ago) they had to wear high top shoes. Getting those on fat feet was the worst. (We are on to great grands now and they go barefoot a lot).

Sharon I. Roach 2 years ago

There are things that we don’t need to get for our babies as they really don’t need them yet. We should only buy the ones that are only basic. Shoes and clothes for babies need not to be expensive. The most important thing is to buy clothes and shoes that are comfortable.

Jen Shimada 2 years ago

I agree with most of this.. except the Bumbo seat. I actually have the bebePod (which is similar but has a tray). I am a physical therapist and a mommy of two, so I can attest to the importance of using this seat for strengthening and motor development. I used a wipe warmer for my first baby, and not for the second. And I totally agree with the whole overhead clothing thing for a newborn! Even with my second baby, I all of a sudden COULD NOT put on the over-the-head onesie when leaving the hospital… I had to tell the nurse we needed to keep those hospital wrap-around baby clothes because I was afraid of putting on the onesies I had packed! lol I quickly got over that fear once we were home. As far as the fancy stroller, I did craigslist for my bugabooer for my second baby and got it used but still in good condition (I really wanted the bassinet!). And THANK YOU for talking about the bedding issue and those stupid bumpers that are still being sold in those sets and are SUPER dangerous. Parents that don't know any better ("well it's sold in stores so it *must* be safe!") are buying those sets and using them with their babies, and unfortunately it can lead to SIDS. I just had a whole long conversation with a new dad about those bumpers (throw them away! they will kill your baby!) and he still was hesitant about trashing them because it came in the fancy bedding set, so he thought it had to be used.

Kami 2 years ago

Why is it that if a mom uses cloth diapers, she’s a hippy and a tree hugger? She’s made a choice to use what she thinks is best for her child and is doing the best she can.
So, why is it that if a mom uses disposable diapers, she’s inconsiderate to the environment? She’s made a choice to use what she thinks is best for her child and is doing the best she can.

Point? Everyone grow the eff up and stop judging other people for having different opinions and practices than yourself.

Mary Hustad Hill Allard 2 years ago

Wipe warmer is ridiculous. Let your kiddo get used to a little discomfort. Life for him/her will be full of it! When I gave my babies a bath, I would intentionally pour water over their head when washing their baby hair. They got used to spitting it out and never had a problem putting their faces in the water when I taught them to swim. They are not china dolls, but rather quite durable little beings. You will make life easier for them if you gradually get them used to things that they will need later on in life.

Mary Hustad Hill Allard 2 years ago

OMG, and all of us who were brought up before disposable diapers are REALLY horribly sick from wearing diapers that were rinsed in the toilet. Shoot, people are just REALLY so very paranoid. Maybe that's why kids have so many illnesses now. They don't wear diapers that were rinsed in toilets. Duh. Oh, and if you get too queasy to rinse the poop out of diapers (into the toilet), then you're wimpy. Get over it. You and your kids will be better off for it. :)

Audrey Hulsey 2 years ago

I'm still laughing. I bought all those things and regret it. A wipe warmer? Pleeeze, kids are too pampered as it is. I would add diaper genie to the list. Just put it in a bag and throw it out, man, it's nasty.

Kaly Mbula 2 years ago

Danielle Cheri Scholten 😐 uhm…okay. First, look up the definition of ignorant. Second, tell me how Anita is the ignorant one? She found some info and actually took the time to educate herself, while you are sitting here spewing nonsense out of your mouth after thanking her for your confirmation of "NOT" buying cloth diapers. Tell me again who is ignorant? Let me help you out here..Just in case you didn't know, there is a water sprayer that attaches to your toilet. Yes, it's disturbing to look at when the poop comes off but it's not like you're dipping the cloth diaper into the toilet bowl and scrubbing with your hands. Sure, there is a residue but it's not like chunks it just shows that something WAS there. It will wash out. Now ask yourself why water doesn't sit in our washers after we're done…drains. When the water washes everything, it drains. If there is poop in your washer it's cause you failed at rinsing or didn't care and just took the cloth diaper right from your baby's butt to the washer. If for some reason you did fail, it's called taking some rubber gloves and doing something about it. Someone else mentioned flushable liners. There you go. Maybe you'll be a bit less ignorant after reading this. ^-^ Crisis of actually having to sometimes put in a bit of work averted! :)

Whitney 2 years ago

The study linked above was done in the UK, where most had high efficiency washers and dryers. Chemicals used to make disposable diapers are considered, as are the chemicals used in WASHING diapers. The only scenario in which total carbon footprint was less for reusable diapers was one in which parents used clotheslines.

Whitney Norris 2 years ago

A study was done in the UK to compare the environmental impact of cloth vs. disposable diapers. The TOTAL carbon footprint was THE SAME. The only scenario in which less fossil fuels are burned is one in which the parents hang the cloth diapers out to dry on a clothes line. If you are using a dryer, you are doing just as much harm (and a lot more work) than moms who buy disposables.

Jennifer Walker 2 years ago

They only hold like 10 diapers anyway

Jennifer 2 years ago

I used to work at BRU, and although we strongly encourage you to add all of these things onto your baby registry for friends and family to buy for you (it increases registry value) we will also try our best to let you know that not all the items are going to be absolutely necessary. I agree with the post, I didn’t get bedding because I knew of the risk of sids, totally agree about the wipes warmer that’s why I sold the one I got for free, I do however love my tub because my daughter is huge and has a big head and long legs lol. Our stroller was free from a charity when we were struggling. We didn’t get her her first pair of shoes until a few days ago, she’s 7 months old. We didn’t spend very much money on our baby at all, but she was very happy. We did get her an expensive swing/rocker/vibrating combo to entertain her as a newborn, but that’s the most we ever spent :) It was worth it

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Connie Martin Birth 2 years ago

You are not supposed to put the baby in the bucket silly girl!! Forgot to put I washed and rinsed everything twice and then hung everything in the sunshine to dry. No chemical touched my babies, but then again? Maybe, that's why they are so beautiful!

Kristen Keener 2 years ago

NO, don't do them the way she says, I agree, that's…YUCK. I recently started cloth diapering and I find that using flushable bamboo liners really takes the ick factor out. They come in rolls of 100 for about $8 (use Bummis, but there are other brands that are more or less expensive, its all about preference) and you just lay one inside their diaper and it catches the solid waste and you just dump that in the toilet. The liquid is soaked in the diaper/liners and you just take the diaper (after removing the liners if necessary) and put it in the laundry bag. Come laundry day, just dump everything, including the laundry bag inside out in the washing maching (so basically push the diapers out and push the bag inside out and into the machine so you don't have to touch anything). Easy peasy IMO.

Danielle Cheri Scholten 2 years ago

RINSE in the TOILET!? That's so disgusting! Your comment has confirmed that I will NOT be buying cloth diapers, so thanks for that. As for you calling her ignorant I would say that YOU are the ignorant one as there WILL be fecal matter left on those diapers which will go into the machine, just like your dirty underwear.

JennAndy Blaire 2 years ago

I would love to hear your thoughts on the diaper genie (concentrator of nasty odors that no parent should willfully subject themselves to) but then I might've actually peed my pants.

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Mermaid Atlantica 2 years ago

Disagree with the baby bath simply because I still stick my 4 year old into his baby bath so I don't waste an enormous amount of water to wash him and end up with an inch high bath. Also, an expensive stroller doesn't have to be a complicated stroller. You need one with great suspension if you live in a place with cobblestones like I do and I don't want my kids head smashing around a cheap ass umbrella stroller. I agree with almost everything else, missed out on the cloth diaper drama it seems lmao.

AnnieT 2 years ago

These comments are funnier than the post itself. I thought it was all funny. It’s HER list. Her opinion. I have two kids, and I am fairly green, but I am pretty certain that taking everything so personally and well, bitchy, is not the way to persuade ANYONE to be like you.

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Stephanie Csornok 2 years ago

Still laughing, but I would disagree with #7. I did try several times to bathe my son in the sink. I tried every sink in the house, and I simply could not keep my arms in the right place to support him and bathe him without becoming a contortionist. Plus I'd have to spend another 30 minutes that I didn't have cleaning up the mess all over the floor. A plain baby bathtub with a sling inside our regular bathtub was a lifesaver. I never regretted that purchase!

katrina 2 years ago

As an alternative, my mum always said, if you know your bub has a poo, get out the wipes first, scrunch them in your hands and take the chill off of them that way. Totally portable.

Kristy A. 2 years ago

I believe we are spoiled as parents these days.There are so many items that are not necessary to get through the first year of a baby’s life I am having my second Child 11 years apart mind you and in this time frame the amount of crap they have come up with and convinced these poor new moms is needed to parent correctly is absolutely ridiculous. Let me start by saying cloth diapers or store bought like religion is a preference choose what works for you. As far as items needed get back to the basics STOP READING ALL THESE ARTICALS TELLING YOU EVERYTHING IS UNSAFE!!! think back to when you were a kid what did you need, what did your mom do. Remember a bottle is a bottle if the child has gas or colic the bottle will not cure it, when a child has a fever stop put the phone down don’t call the doctor get the baby Motrin and Tylenol and rotate every 4 hours we are killing children’s immune systems by over sanitizing and over medicating, Read to your baby toys and gadgets don’t teach them we do, so buy simple items to care for the baby price doesn’t make it work any better you will find the simpler the item the easier it is save the money put it away to do things with them as they grow. Just a thought

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Mary 2 years ago

My mother-in-law informed us, while I was in the hospital in labor, that she was buying us a infant tub. We quickly told her that we specifically didn’t want one because we didn’t want to find a place to store it. Guess what? She bought the stupid thing anyway and had it mailed to us! She said we could throw it away when we were done with it if we wanted :P. Sometimes you can’t keep the crap out of your house no matter how hard you try.

I will say, though, that dumb thing actually came in handy. It fit sideways in our shower stall so I could put our daughter in it while I showered and then I could wash her off real quick while I was in there. We did that for 6 months! Now she has no problem with water being sprayed in her face.

I wouldn’t go out of my way to get one though.

Tanya Becena 2 years ago

The snarky tone of this comment is practically jumping off the computer screen.

Lydia Del Bianco 2 years ago

Lysol is super toxic! I used cloth diapers and I had some minor stains but no smell just doing 2 cycles in the wash, one cold and one hot. They do not need to soak in chemicals – might as well use the plastic ones if you are going to do that. Just sayin' Grammy! :)

Tanya 2 years ago

HILARIOUS!! We all make those first time mistakes. For those of you who got your panties in a bunch about what was said, grow up and get a sense of humor!! Seriously.

Tanya Torres 2 years ago

It was all meant to be funny, no matter what your beliefs are. Stop getting your cloth diapers in a bunch. Seriously. Grow a sense of humor!!

Lyn 2 years ago

Shame about the swearing.

Mandi A 2 years ago

Amen!

Stephie B 2 years ago

I was laughing the whole way through! Quite entertaining! I am first of 9 kids, so by the time I had my own two girls, I had learned a lot of this stuff. It was fun to shop for our firstborn, though. You don’t get to do that twice. I don’t think i have spent over $50 for clothes for our second daughter. She wears gently-used hand-me-downs and she couldn’t care less. Hilarious!

Lyz 2 years ago

I’ve read quite a few of your posts, and want to say

1) You are f’ing hilarious. And probably one of the main reasons I’m never having children.

2) For how hilarious you are, you have some of the most stick-in-the-mud readers… I think this is the first time I’ve ever read down to the comment section and if your other comment streams are half as ridiculous as this one I’m surprised you haven’t given everyone the proverbial bitchslap and turned the comments off. Bravo to you. Keep writing, some of us appreciate you =)

Connie Martin Birth 2 years ago

Hints from Grammy! After rinsing out cloth diapers and stains on baby clothes, put them into a diaper pail. Do they even make diaper pails anymore? If not use a Rubbermaid trash can with lid. Use 1 cup of Lysol Concentrate (brown bottle) and 1 cup of Borox, in enough warm water to dissolve Borox, put into enough water to cover clothes. I even put the crib sheets into this solution. Use until you have enough items to wash together in 1 load. Do not wash diapers and baby clothes with other laundry. Make new solution each time you empty pail. Majority of stains come out with no additional effort. Learned about this from my Great Aunt Glenn, when we only had cloth diapers.

Leah G. Goodman 2 years ago

A good stroller is not the most expensive one on the market – Citi Mini is a very nice stroller, and loads of moms like them without costing a ridiculous amount…

Liz 2 years ago

I saw the first comment & I said, oh geez people are too damn serious these days! Lighten up! If you don’t like, it don’t read it. I wish I would have read this as well. It gave me a good laugh this morning. Thanks!

Kristen Sabourin 2 years ago

I think this pretty much hits the nail on the head, however when you have a nosy baby who just wants to sit up but can't yet, the Bumbo is a super good investment! Also, if you walk a lot, a good stroller is worth it.

Kristen Sabourin 2 years ago

My crib bedding went unused. I never bought a set for my second child, totally useless!! I did get a nice Joovy sit and stand once I had my second though because like you said, a nice stroller does make a difference especially if you walk a lot (which I do).

Anita Swerdlyk 2 years ago

Your comment about turds in the toilet is actually quite ignorant. I raised 4 boys on cloth diapers which I agree are best for the environment. They are also the best for sensitive skin. They also tell you the second there is a pee instead of the pee piling up and being absorbed. The poop doesn't go in the washing machine unless you are a real pig. You rinse in the toilet then throw in your diaper pail (which doesn't smell if you use the right product). On laundry day you simply dump the entire bucket of "rinsed" diapers including the liquid into the washer. You spin. When done..you set your machine on Wash. Duh Duh and duh. Too much work? then go ahead and buy the plastic wrapped plastic shit. You will feel real good about the environment I am sure and as long as your babe doesn't have sensitive skin you can go to sleep happy. Really? The world is a magical place patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. If you are busy there is always the option of a diaper service.

Kia 2 years ago

This was too freakin funny thx much for the laughs & I got here by accident

Suad Mohammed Abullais 2 years ago

I wished I read this before I had my first baby, I regretted buying expensive clothes, bathtub, baby shoes and fancy beddings…really unnecessary and now have storage issues…but you totally need a real good stroller if you are someone who goes out a lot or have to travel by buses or walking…they are an absolute blessing to have and makes moms life easy…but if u've got a car then you don't need to invest in a stroller as much as a car seat.

Renee 2 years ago

I really hope you don’t talk to your kids with that language. You can be funny and effective without using words like that.. And sound a lot more educated while your at it. I was looking forward to reading this and couldn’t finish because all the nasty language. Please be more respectful. Your kids are following you.

Valerie 2 years ago

DIDO! loved this but at 9 months that much laughing probably wasn’t the best idea! Love your gymboree class comment too! I’m convinced I’m having a gymnist!

Courtney Sullivan 2 years ago

I would add diaper genie's to this list…why do we need a trash can that is designed to hold one type of trash and then get disposed of in the regular trash? Just use a plastic bag to put the diaper in OR take your trash out regularly.

Setjay 2 years ago

Not all good tips. No baby bathtub ? I don’t think so. None of my 3 children couldn’t been hold in the sink when they were born, and they barely weighed 6,4 pounds… I think french sinks are made to avoid baby bath in them !
However, i never heard about wipe warmers, bumbo seat (which is a nice thing and i wish i had one so my children did’nt fall back so many times on their heads) or pee-pee teepees (?!)=> this one is very funny, i only have boys but i didn’t spend enough time changing their diapers for them to pee on me LOL

Kyarain Speare 2 years ago

O who ever wrote this is do true its hard we they say you being a first time mom already then having to figure out all this crapits like come on its hard enough trying to be a new mom.do I'm with you.goodluck:-) it. Will all work out:-)

Rachel 2 years ago

I am currently pregnant with my first child (due in Oct) and I was laughing so hard at this article that I literally had to stop reading because I could not see the words through my tears. Thank you so much for the laughter break in my day.

And to the people getting upset about some of these things: Loosen up. I for one found these things absolutely hilarious. From the get go I was dying at the “clothes to fit over a newborn’s head”. Just the wording and the picture that it painted in my head. The wipe warmers had me going. I thought about getting one, but quickly decided that it was a waste of money. Besides, let’s face it, our parents didn’t have half of this shit and we came out perfectly fine.

ming 2 years ago

Woah this weblog is great i love studying your posts. Stay up the great work! You realize, many individuals are hunting around for this information, you could help them greatly.

Karlie 2 years ago

Thanks for the laugh! I laughed until I cried! lol I can relate to many of these! I am 5 months pregnant with my second child and I am not setting up a fancy room, I am not buying the wipe warmer, and I tried cloth diapering with my first and they stink when you leave them out to stack up a few days worth to wash and they are about the same cost as the diposables if you break everything down. I think they are a wonderful idea and power to you if you can do it, but it is not for me. I will find another way to help the envrinment so I do not have to do a million loads of laundry. I can see how many of these things could offend people, but the truth is..don’t take yourself too seriously…love and laugh..Jesus was born in a manger and was just fine without all the things we have today that drain our bank accounts and clutter our house…

Lindsey 2 years ago

Just read this and was literally laughing until my face hurt! Being pregnant for the first time is such a scary journey! People give you so much scary advice, this light hearted look at things is just what i needed x

Sarah 2 years ago

A fancy stroller…or in our case any stroller at all! We would go shopping with our baby all in his stroller. 5 minutes into the store he would be screaming to be picked up. Stroller ended up in the grocery cart with no room for groceries. Washing our baby in the sink never worked through. Maybe I just have super slippery kids, but they would slide all over the place! But with the clothes that fit over baby’s head, my son was born in August and pretty much lived in onesies…I don’t remember ever sitting up my children to dress them. So it would have been impossible for their heads to flop forward.

Sarah 2 years ago

I don’t see how they can prevent the growth bacteria. Most bacteria grow optimally at room temp or slightly above. My cousin had one for her son. I told we weren’t using one because I was preparing my kids for the cold cruel world.

DavAnthony 2 years ago

Don’t understand all the hating here. Y’all are some mean girls. Nothing DiscoDeb posted was any worse than the entire blog you just read above.
And she has a good point, no one puts turds in a washing machine. Jokes are funnier when a part of it rings true. Making things up threatens your credibility. The turd in the washing machine takes away from an otherwise really funny post.

Laura 2 years ago

This is why we co slept …against the doctors orders…

Laura 2 years ago

My son was born in the winter and so the wipes were really cold and really ticked my son off! I would stick them in my cleavage to warm them up…and tadaaa wipe warmer free!

Carissa 2 years ago

I personally use cloth because is more wallet friendly. You just have to know how to buy them. The same dips I have for my son, I’ll have for this next baby due in December. I’ve had to re- buy some because when I was first starting out I was clueless as how to wash these high fandangled ones (I was taught how to use the old school dipe pins and rubber pants) but all in all, we came out much cheaper than disposables. Not to say I don’t sometimes wish I used disposables, especially when I’m laying down all day with all day sickness and don’t want to smell ammonia when I wash them. What I’m trying to say is, though I hate the thought of most disposables not degrading and polluting our earth, we moms should not be bashing one another for our personal choices. Some don’t have the choice to use cloth because they work and have to send their kids to daycare. And some moms can’t afford to shell out half their minimal paychecks on disposables.

Lin 2 years ago

Personally, I think ditching the car seat (or rather everyone else’s knowledge you have one) is a great idea. The more you are at home, the more of a chance you will have to sleep (not much more, but still more). Pretending you can’t leave the baby and you don’t have the means to bring a baby with you saves you from having to take your baby “on tour” when s/he is born and during the holidays, which is especially nice when you know Gramma doesn’t childproof her house in the slightest.

Jamie Knupp 2 years ago

holy shit this made me laugh so hard. The “headless baby” thing is what got me the most. Seriously – how the hell are you supposed to get this huge misshapen alien looking head on a rubber stalk into a shirt or onesie? I cheated with my second – she was so little that normal onesies and sleepers didnt really fit so I would put gowns on her (with an extra yard of fabric hanging off the bottoms of her feet.) The plus side to those? They have extra large head holes so you can pull them up from the bottom! Getting her arms in was always another story though… why are baby clothes so complicated??

Jaimie Schultz 2 years ago

This has to be the funniest, and BEST, thing I have read in a really long time!! Thanks!

billybob 2 years ago

Not possible to empty the poop of a breastfed baby. Not solid turds. All smooshed into the diaper.

Kay 2 years ago

Can I just say, like!

NanLT 2 years ago

The absolute best item of clothing I ever had for any of my babies was an oversized cotton t-shirt type thing with a drawstring at the bottom.

No muss, no fuss. And easy as the dickens to get the little darlings in and out of.

Lecobra 2 years ago

Hi Bliss! Hey, maybe she’s a single mom, via choice, divorce, or widowing. Maybe she has a partner but they only like to get busy in the shower or in their own (private, none of your business) way.
should we all be just like you, Bliss? What did you have for breakfast? How mmany times a day do you poop? I want to start training to be your g-d clone!

Brandi Merchant 2 years ago

BEST POST I’VE EVER READ! I laughed so hard….thank you so much. LOVE IT!

Toni 2 years ago

Wipe warmer? I have one of those, I put the baby wipe in my bra for 30 seconds :) It’s a travel one too.

Raegan 2 years ago

Hilarious.
I could add on with diaper genies, and 20 packs of receiving blankets. But I have 3 kids and can’t live without seat protectors for my car. Literally could have an apocalypse and I would be fine. .. until one of my spawn spill a damn soda on my car seats. ..

Biss 2 years ago

oh my. eight year old, six year old, and four year old in your bed with you? nice. i can already tell your love life is unbelievable.

Biss 2 years ago

Uh, there are these things called high efficiency washer/dryers. Invest, they’re awesome. Also, not everyone lives in the city, slick. I live on well water. Which is free. And renewable. And chemical free. Another thing, there are these things called clotheslines. They’re an awesome concept. It’s a line, which you hang clothes on to dry. Which, by the way, is free! What, did I say free?! Why, yes, I did! Besides, the sun kills any remaining bacteria in the cloth, and it gets out yummy breastmilk poop stains :) Fabulous.

Jessica 2 years ago

I don’t understand why it takes people so much time to do laundry. You throw the laundry in, add soap, press a button and then walk away until you put it in the dryer or hang it on the line. Really, come on!

Jessica 2 years ago

Please, do tell me what they do in other countries where the entire family sleeps in 1 or 2 beds. I’m pretty sure they don’t have a crib.
The United States is ONE country in the entire world. I bet the percentage of people who use cribs is much higher here than anywhere else, and I bet the infant mortality rate is higher too.

Jessica 2 years ago

Wow. Really? Get informed.

Jessica 2 years ago

So wait, do you guys not put the poop in the toilet? You do know you are supposed to do that, right? Just like those annoying cloth diapers. Look on the side of the diaper package, it says to put the waste into the toilet. If it goes into the landfill then it gets into the water and soil and THAT causes harmful bacteria and diseases (yup, even more chance of bacteria than a wipes warmer!)

Christine 2 years ago

I was laughing out loud so much, the tears were just rolling down!

Alex 2 years ago

oh yea bumbo seat well, some kids can through there wait and what not and knock it over. My little one doesn’t I always watch her but she loves it. I will never put it on a table or counter though! and she always sits next to me with it on the couch. When its on the floor which is carpet and on a blanket. My little girl sits up very well but then she gets excited so she always falls over back side what ever. And she isn’t bothered she then rolls to her. The carpet seems to be good enough I guess for her not to be hurt. But every baby is different. Mine baby likes to roll out of the bouncer just so she can get to her tummy. Did so I looked down at her she looked up at me with the biggest smile, to each there own right lol

Alex 2 years ago

Well every mom and baby is different! There are things out there people end up buying that just wasn’t useful for them, but for me the stuff that wasn’t I had tons of friends also having babies. And also you could try to sell it. Now I have one six month old baby girl and so far the only thing I can say is, as a first time mom all the things I said I would never do, HA! You will find what works best for you, I found that my baby was not by the book. Breast feeding, nope only had to use breast pump, and then after I produced less I started to use formula until she is now on it fully. As for the sids thing well lets just start with if I wanted sleep at first she had to sleep with me. But she quickly grew into me getting her use to sleeping on her own and at one and a half months slept in her own room. Then they hit the rolling over stage I have came into the room and there she is asleep happily on her stomach. So we mothers will do our best, with what works best for us and our little ones.

Mister 2 years ago

Shoes for big people are meant for walking in. Shoes for babies are meant to keep the damn socks on.

Jessica 2 years ago

Hmm I disagree with quite a few of these I have two kids!! Makes me wonder if you know what your talking about or lazy.

Jocelyn 2 years ago

I completely agree with this post. But I’d like to submit an alternative use for the wipe warmer “that” friend gets you for your baby shower: use them in the bedroom. For yourself.
I mean, what self respecting lady doesn’t want to roll over, clean up with a warm, wet, readily available cloth and go the F to sleep?! :-)
I’ll throw that crap away in the morning!

Jana 2 years ago

Thank you! This post made me laugh so hard I cried! I love this post and the way you write. Love it.

KC 2 years ago

I agree with you…I so would of enjoyed it ….without the bad language ….

KC 2 years ago

I think you had some interesting things on your list….but I couldn’t get past the bad language ….I think you could of left all that out..then reading your post would of ment more….discusting ….have some respect…

Karyn 2 years ago

LOVE YOUR LIST! You could have made the list 100 items longer since half the shit you buy for your baby goes unused.

How about those bassenetts??? We bought one for our first and used it for like 5 minutes. What the heck? We saved it and used it for 3.5 minutes on the second kid. Sold it and before the 3rd came around. What a waste.

How about the fancy dancy playpen with all the attachements that weighs as much as an actual crib?? Never used it or the attachements either.

jpp 2 years ago

My little one hated the bumbo bc her legs were so chuncky that the seat squashed them lol

jpp 2 years ago

I actually like Dr. Brown’s bottles and wouldn’t use any other kind! No air bubbles.

Ashley 2 years ago

OMG This is a great article With humor… i really did lol

Peggy 2 years ago

HA HA HAAA!!! Reading this made me snort…at work :S Too funny – and yes, my kids are grown and you are correct on all counts. Don’t forget the bottle warmer (in my day it was a pot on the stove) and the diaper genie (in my day we just put them in a grocery bag and stuck it in the kitchen garbage) and….ah, you get the drift :) Thanks for making me laugh :)

Laurie 2 years ago

I am proud to say that as a first time mom I only fell for a couple of these, only 1 that I regret which is the bathtub. Totally unnecessary. As for the fancy stroller, if you consider a Graco Travel system “fancy” then, well, I got one of those, but I still use it two years later and never have a problem folding it up :)

Hilarious post!

Melanie 2 years ago

If you rub the wipes in your hands they get warm.

mommyT 2 years ago

This techique is what we used in our house. Wipe warmers scare me when that notice came out about them starting fires. Hubby and I just rub the wipes between our hands for a few seconds and bammo warm wipes!!

Monica 2 years ago

My hub and i Laughed so hard I thought I was going in labor.

joanna 2 years ago

OMG this was hilairious i literally cried laughing so hard! comments were a riot too haha

Heather 2 years ago

You pretty much made my day after reading that. By far the funniest thing I’ve read in my life. Also one of the most informative 😉 Love it! Keep it up mama!

Whitney 2 years ago

AMEN! It was good enough for most of our butts. Get back to the basics, but use some sense. Help the environment, but not to the point that you take time away from your kid. And remember “What works best for one, doesn’t always work best for others!” and the MOST IMPORTANT – YOU ARE THE MOMMY! YOU KNOW BEST!

Me 2 years ago

I never used cornstarch on my kids. In my cooking yes. On my kids no. I did use nail clippers on my first child once. I never used them on babies 2 and 3.

Me 2 years ago

Haven’t read all the comments. It was pretty funny especially the no poop in my washer reference to cloth. Then the mention of washing poopy sheets. I assume the sheets were washed in the washing machine and not by hand.

KTV 2 years ago

cosleeping is the norm throughout most of the world. and for good reason. so much easier to nurse your babe when they are in bed beside you.

Melanie 2 years ago

Hah! I love this post. Love it. All of it. I was given a baby bathtub, though, and I did like using it. The cleanliness level of our new-parent sink wasn’t high enough for me to want to put my baby in it. But the whole baby-screaming-because-of-water-being-poured-on-her-head is so true, no matter where you’re bathing your baby!

dandyli0n 2 years ago

i about cried a million times reading this! i’m not a mom, but i’m an avid, over-involved aunty, and i lived with my sister and nephew so i was basically playing daddy. hilarious. all of it. and so much is true!

let’s add baby hats/headbands.. not unless you want them snatching out a patch of hair, also. and they get to grow up to be called “baldilocks”

clp79 2 years ago

So much of this is true but so many new mothers will ignore what previous mothers have learned and still buy all of the unnecessary crap. MY SIL is having her baby shower this weekend and the only thing I bought her off of her registry is the diaper bag she wanted. I then bought her shampoo, body wash, lotion, cornstarch powder and a nail clipper because I know that is stuff she will actually use. Oh and I also got her a breathable baby blanket. My youngest has one and it is his favorite blanket. I wanted to tell her that so much of what she had on her registry will hardly ever get used but hey we have all been there and there was no telling me not to buy something back when I was having my first.

cami 2 years ago

if you’re concerned about your newborn being hot or cold, just put him/her skin to skin with mama. mama’s body has this really insanely cool mechanism that knows to cool a hot newborn and warm a cold one to the right temperature. look it up. we are amazing, us mamas. this stops working after the first month or two (when they can start to stabilize their own body temp) as any mom sweating with her older baby sleeping on her can attest.

cami 2 years ago

omg, if there is anything i can tell a new or expectant parent to make their life easier – do not get sleepers with snaps!!! they are such a huge pain. i don’t even know why they sell them!! and it can sometimes be hard to find the zipper ones, but it is worth the search. we pretty much never put our lo in any of his snap up sleepers (gifts, we didn’t buy them), especially now that he is squirmy and really strong – hard enough getting him in his jammies as it is.

vimbai 2 years ago

after reading this blog, i just love being an African

cami 2 years ago

i keep trying to tell my husband to change the baby on the floor now (we still have a changing table and baby is 7 months). i’m convinced he’s not going to move to the floor until the baby rolls off the table!

cami 2 years ago

wipes warmer is pretty dumb, imho. first of all, they dry them out (silly things), then as others have noted here, they make a perfect environment for the growth of bacteria. just what you want. my baby has never had one, and has never seemed to have a difficult time with room temperature wipes.

Rachel 2 years ago

This was GREAT! Everything on here I never did BUT buy an infant tub. It aloud me to sit and wash her when I had trouble standing. Never bought infant shoes, what’s the point they DO NOT walk! Expensive clothes? HA NO, I went to a yard sale or thrift store and bought name brand for a quarter of the price. Wipes warmer? Are you kidding? That’s a joke. I didn’t even know about the Bumbo seat until I was pregnant with my second child and my first is only 2. It’s useless. Just another thing some people ASSUME is a MUST have!

That was seriously a GREAT post! Enjoyed reading it!

hollow tree ventures 2 years ago

Katai, I was joking. Sorry, I forgot the universal Internet symbol: 😉

I figured it didn’t matter so much since the author knows I was joking, but hopefully the winky face clears things up. 😉

Katai 2 years ago

It was a joke chill out!

Deb 2 years ago

Here’s a tip if you want a wipe warmer minus the bacteria and crap. Its called a warm wet washcloth.

gaga 2 years ago

Not accurate Kyle. That is propaganda from Proctor and Gamble. The energy, resources and chemicals plus the water ruined by making the pulp to make the chemical diapers make disposables a much less environmentally friendly method than cloth. Also you need to take into account the gas to transport them, and then the fact that we don’t knnow how long they take to break down in a landfill setting. No, cloth isn’t perfect, but since I’m not prepared to let my child run around without a diaper, cloth is a more EF choice.

misha 2 years ago

in colorado they just passed a law in 2011 that kids have to be in booster seat till theyre 12. lmao i dont even remember being in a carseat/booster seat when i was 5 lol

Monty 2 years ago

What? Wipe Warmer? What kind of soft namby-pampy kids are you trying to raise? At what point do you stop warming their wipes up for them?

hahahahaha

I have never heard of something so ridiculous in all my life.

Eliane 2 years ago

Awww that was brilliant thanks for a good laugh and great advice!

MMH 2 years ago

Now it all makes sense! I thought my teenagers were unbelievably annoying just because they are 13, but now I know it’s because I didn’t warm their wipes, twist their poo in special bags, or parade them around in a pretty stroller!

El Toro 2 years ago

Yeah. My diaper genie was the trash bin in my garage – it came with the house and was only 10 steps away. Another thing I didn’t bother with when baby #2 was born was a changing table. I kept a changing pad under the bed and did diaper changes on the floor. No more worrying about baby falling out and wondering what to do with the changing table once you were done using it.

ja— 2 years ago

The A&H is awesome! After hubby changes a few genie (what he called) shit sausage links, he vowed never to own one, instead of regular baking soda we actually use oder neutralizer carpet clearer, still from A&H just a little scented. WORKS PERFECT!

Karri 2 years ago

Pretty much spot on. I liked the Bumbo though because it was a great high chair for those early feedings when I just wanted to sit in the living room rather than the kitchen. I would add regular sized high chair to your list. Completely unnecessary and it takes up waaay too much space. Great blog!

Abby 2 years ago

Omg your so funny!!! I’m a FTM and totally have every single item you said we didn’t need!! Where was this 2 mo ago! Oh wait we didnt get a car seat though I just figured he can roll around the back of the car… 😛

%anchor_text% 2 years ago

asswipe vjayjay
Normally I do not learn article on blogs, however I would like
to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look
at and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me.
Thank you, quite great article.

Kyle 2 years ago

Actually cloth diapers are no greener than disposable, unless you are hand-washing those things. The electricity from the washer and dryer, as well as the unseen environmental cost for the city to clean that water, results in harmful impacts on the environment.

There are many reasons to use cloth diapers, but when it comes to being green, cloth diapers have about the same carbon footprint as disposables

Whit 2 years ago

Kudos for using “fetus”, as that is the correct term. Fertilized egg -> zygote -> embryo -> fetus -> newborn -> infant -> toddler -> child -> adolescent -> adult.

Frankly, I don’t see why all those other people have their knickers in a bunch.
Uh-oh, did I just say “knickers” instead of “panties”? Now I’m gonna get yelled at too.

Renee 2 years ago

Shut the fuck upppppp!!!!!
I loved the blog!! Keep it up ; )
Ladies pull your heads out of your spoiled rotten kids cloth diapered asssssss and go get a fucking life…
Truelly pathedic, truelly!

sherry 2 years ago

I hate the Bumbo Seat. both my daughter’s used one and I couldn’t convince them not to use it. I believe people (I’ve seen it) put their poor babies in them too soon. the baby is uncomfortable and possibly in pain. they are too young to sit up and fall to the side on hard plastic, poor little heads flopping around. the back of the chair is too short and must hurt their backs. this seat is a gimmick! babies will sit up when they are ready and I don’t believe this seat helps them in any way. it should be taken off the market! IMHO

Real biggedst waste of money, 2 years ago

Why has no one put the “BOTTLE WARMER FOR THE CAR?” As if your able to drive, heat up a bottle, feed your kid and burp them all at the same time! BIGGEST WASTE OF MONEY! VERY STUPID IDEA! Ban cell phones and market bottle warmers for the car, as if your screaming kid isn’t enough of a distraction!

Mariah 2 years ago

I guess I’m not as naive as a lot of moms-to-be…. Either that or I read way too much ahead of time! haha. My baby’s due tomorrow (Tomorrow!!!! Not that that means much. He’ll probably wait a few more days even though he’s trying to kick and stretch his way out the front), and we have almost none of these things. Especially fancy bedding sets and bumpers. (Actually, we do have a bumper, but that’s because someone got one for us. I’m not going to use it.) Those things make me mad. Why in the world are companies still making them? Shouldn’t there be a law against this?

Katie 2 years ago

Stick the wipe between your boobs while you take baby’s clothes and dirty diaper off, and the wipe will be warm enough for baby’s behind by the time you get to that part :) (advice that works from my doula)

Leesa 2 years ago

I have four kids and never used a diaper bag. Had a purse, put a couple diapers, some wipes, and the bottle in there and we were out the door.

nichole 2 years ago

if your taking your cloth diapers, and putting the filled poopy ones in your washer… you need to rethink how you do cloth diapering. your sopost to flush the poop. whats left ont he diaper, is the same as whats on your babys onsie because the diaper exploded. and if your that worried about the poop in your washer, only do diapers and poopy baby cloths in a load, and do a rince cycle with vinegar. i did vinegar in a downie ball because my lil had a very sensitive behind. i personally found she got less rashes with cloth then with dispoable. and while some plastic covers are a bit tight, others arnt, you just need to find the proper size and brand for your lil. and i happen to like my baby bath… kinda… it converted into a seat for the bath, which was useful when she was older and wanted to be in the bath with her big sister. otherwise, mykitchen sink was way more convient. i mean, you dont have to neal down at all, mine has the spryer, which was awesome for rinsing baby after bath, sence lets face it, you know they peed, and a lot of times poop in them when theyre little. and i soooo agree with camo pattern on cheeper car seats and strollers. you dont need all the bells, and really, its cute now with light yello duckies and such, until the stains turn teh duckies into some very interesting colors…

Eryn 2 years ago

The other really big pain about a baby bath is where to store them when your baby doesn’t fit in it after 6 weeks. So not worth it.

Marcy 2 years ago

I agree with this statement. :) Yes, we do have wipe warmers in the hospital, and those little old ladies love them!

Alaina 2 years ago

Hahah, *shod*…. that’s great.
On a sidenote, I am so glad to have found a forum of common sense. Just hit 12 weeks along, trying to remember all the little things about helping raise my nephew half a lifetime ago, this is helping. I don’t think this bumpo/bumbo was used/ existed 15 years ago? At least not in our house! lol.
And to the author… THANK YOU for your willingness to write as you speak… I too cuss like a sailor and appreciate having a site to read that is genuine and not “pregnancy and babies is cupcakes and unicorns!” I am grateful for the nephew experience, not going into my own childrearing with any delusions! lol

Nicole 2 years ago

Hi I’m not a mother and I don’t particularly want or plan on being one anytime soon but I literally died laughing, I feel that if you continue to blog about the trials and tribulations of being a mother you might solve the birth control issue. :-) seriously hilarious I had a horrendous and this made me laugh.

Cassidy 2 years ago

and honestly, ur kid just spent 9 months in water…thats what they are used to, and they have a natural reflex to be comfortable in water, so kuddos to u kara! :)

Cassidy 2 years ago

best way i see to get the man to take the kid out on the town, let him pick out the bag, easy as that! if he can pick it out, then he can carry the damn thing lol

Anna 2 years ago

I thought that was the funniest thing of the whole article- baby’s who use wipe warmers grow up to be douches. That’s hilarious. Why would you ever take that seriously and think she is calling a baby a douche? Lighten up…

Kathy 2 years ago

I said the same thing about the kitchen sink! It totally grosses me out when I get showed pics of people bathing their kids in their sink! Worse is if you were at their house for supper!

Kathy 2 years ago

The only thing I can say is I hope you use a bathroom sink. Just as you mentioned poop in the washing machine, I can’t handle thinking there is poop in my kitchen sink where most people wash dishes. But too funny for sure!

Alexandria 2 years ago

I worked at Babies R Us and I have a three year old! I can’t tell you all the idiotic stuff people register for while forgetting the important things they actually need!

You do NOT need a bottle warmer. You do not have time at 1:45 in the am to wait forever for the warmer to actually warm up the bottle enough for babe to eat ! (trust me i tried..)

Don’t register for clothes at all. When your shower comes round those clothes will NOT be in stock and the poor people working the registry counter get yelled at!

You DO need a baby care kit (with the clippers and thermometer and such)

I could go on and on.. I wont.

Dorothy 2 years ago

I had spring babies and made up my mind before they were born that they would only wear a diaper for the first 4 months and maybe a onesie. But my money was wasted on a stupid Diaper Genie. My home is only 1400 sqft and it was 20 steps from the changing table to the outside garbage bin the trash man dumps each week. The really burn-your-nose diapers could not sit in the Genie for even a day. Wasted money!!

Latisha 2 years ago

I would add changing table to the list. Toss a blanket on the floor and there ya go! I never ran upstairs to the nursery to change little one’s diaper a hundred times a day!

Starla 2 years ago

Thanks for the tip! :) I think that’s the route we’re going. I don’t get many of the poopy diapers anyway…I work most of the time.

WhatTheHal? 2 years ago

Hal spit-up a lot, so ,if we were home, he wore a diaper. Considering I didn’t get dressed either (breastfeeding), I just turned the heat up. Now that we’re past that, he wears onesies. But only the ones with shoulder flaps. And I say “peek-a-boo” whenever I get it over his head…like “making you scream is all fun and games”.

WhatTheHal? 2 years ago

I also love my A&H pail! So worth the money. And, Starla, solids aren’t that bad. If you go the traditional cereal, fruits/veggies, protein/ dairy route, you work your way up to the stinky stuff.

Stephanie 2 years ago

Hilarious and so so true!!

Dorie 2 years ago

I just read this to my husband and he was laughing so hard he had a coughing fit! Love it!

Nicky A 2 years ago

FTM and this is the best thing I’ve read since finding out I’m pregnant in December! Thank you

Vanessa 2 years ago

SO glad I found you before I have kids. You’re so right on so many levels and while I can ‘t speak from personal experience, many friends who have children gave you two thumbs WAY up.

Jason 2 years ago

Like diapers. They are warm moist and sometimes are provided a little food on top of that. Bacteria club med, just saying.

Amanda 2 years ago

hilarious! and i just wanted to add to the comments of all the ppl fussing about wipe warmers….they are actually really good for premies or babies that get cold easliy. hospitals use them esp for premies w/other warming techniques to prevent hypothermia and respiratory depression which can lead to death. it’s like anything else some actually need them and some don’t.

Stefe 2 years ago

I love how the cloth diapers are considered disguting bc they go in the washer, but everyone thinks its sanitary to bathe a dirty baby in your kitchen sink. That you wash dishes in. And then eat off the “clean” dishes. Lol. This page made me laugh but really who cares what you buy for your baby? Buy whatever the hell you want, and enjoy your new kid!

Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy 2 years ago

Love off topic comments when they’re like this! Thank you!!!

Virginia Llorca 2 years ago

Jill,

Off topic.

You look really good in all your interviews and you don’t say, “Uh,” or “umm”.

katina 2 years ago

I agree that time should be spent educating about the safe, responsible way to Co-sleep. Unfortunately though more time is spent telling new moms how horrible it is and that you shouldn’t do it. This only results in families who choose to co-sleep doing it in “secret” because of the stigma attached. This was at least my experience. My son is 9 months old and has slept with my husband and me since he was 1 month. I did lots of research about it and felt comfortable in my decision, but still felt that i couldn’t talk about it because of how it is viewed. Now when people ask my about my experiences with my son, i proudly admit i Co-sleep. I tell them it was the right decision for my family and that it should only be done properly and safely. I only wish this is the advise i would have gotten a year ago.

leeuhnotlayuh 2 years ago

*SO* glad I read this before becoming pregnant. And not just because it’s effing hilarious.

jenny 2 years ago

I was a hippie type minimalist when my first was born. No stroller I just strapped on to my body. Handed down clothes. 3 toys, no baby wipes no disposable diapers no carseat- just a plastic baby tote on the floor of the car. My baby survived but by my fifth baby I began to appreciate all the things for babies that would make my life easier. It is not as easy as some might think to bath a newborn in the kit hen sink! Having toys to play with are great distractions. In other words, my last child had a lot more than the first and it made ME happier.
Y

Christina 2 years ago

I literally laughed so hard at this chick i cried.

Helena 2 years ago

Hahahha. Love this!

I just buy everything from a giant cosigner sale that happens twice annually in Pittsburgh. Then who cares if I don’t use it? That swing was $15, the bumbo was $5, the very nice jogging stroller that does not fit in my car was $20, etc etc. The only things I splurge on are carseats, because the safety ratings mean more to me than saving a few bucks.

However, I LOVE the bumbo. I love being able to sit her down, and know she can’t move. Not all day, just sometimes. And with the tray it is suddenly a small, cheap, very portable highchair. She is 9 months, and I’ve been using it about every other day (or more) for the past 6.

Baby shoes. I had 3 pairs of newborn shoes that she actually wore a lot, because they were simple to get on (baby boots are NOT, and never will be, and so don’t buy them), and they looked cute, and they stayed on once I pulled the baby leg warmers over the heel- which is adorable.

A baby bath chair- the mesh kind- is something I used every single day for the first 4 months. Because newborns can’t sit up in your sink. Set her in it, spray her down with out removable shower head, towel her off. Super easy. And now I use a pink baby bath that a friend gave me, which I swore I didn’t need, because even though I never leave her side for a second while she bathes, I like that she can’t tip over and drown. It would take a lot of effort for her to drown in this tub. She would have to really try. And we can keep on using the shower head to spray her down, which she loves.

So, these things are some of the more functional items I own- they get used almost every day. The baby bouncer chair on the other hand- that thing was a flop in our house. Same with the swings- she hated baby swings. The jumperoo is amazing. She is in it right this moment, and has used it every day since 3 months old. Every baby is different.

JoAnn Nielsen 2 years ago

now that you have 10 things, tomorrow you will have 10 more, the next day 10 more and so on and so on. lol

Linda 2 years ago

This whole post is pretty freaking hilarious. I have never even heard of a wipes heater. Insane. And I bought used fitted sheets because I’m far too cheap to spend that kind of dough on a freaking baby bed set. I love the way you right. Straight to the point.

Susan 2 years ago

I just googled pee pee tee pee and laughed and laughed and laughed…

Sure, that’s gonna work.

Garima 2 years ago

Coudn’t stop laughing ! I just had my second baby and just about every word you said here is very true :)

Keep up the scary work !!

Nicole Baker 2 years ago

I f-ing love this! Thanks for keeping it real!

Danielle 2 years ago

I have a diaper genie as well, I put 2 dryer sheets in the bottom once a month and can’t smell a thing!

christina 2 years ago

You’re not the only one. I would pull my breast milk out, let it sit until room temp then feed. All I kept hearing about was babies getting burned. I didn’t chance it.

christina 2 years ago

I used my wipey warmer for my preperation H hemroid wipes. That’s about all the use I got out of it.

Starla 2 years ago

I hear you, Leigh Ann. I’m from the north, and I’m not going to be running out to my trash can (at the end of my driveway) 7-8 times a day in a snow storm. LOL

15 months too late 2 years ago

I am literally laughing out loud. It is so true!

Leigh Ann 2 years ago

I agree with you Starla. I have the A&H diaper pail as well. It was much higher rated than the Diaper Genie and I love it. My mom kept telling me that it was unnecessary and to just use a plastic trash bag and take it immediately out to the garbage. Who has time for that? Especially with the nursery on the second floor of our house. There are some days I don’t even go downstairs. So yeah, I’m really going to make a special “run” to the garbage to throw out a diaper?

Alexa Hoffmann 2 years ago

Hahaha.. brilliant… love your writing style! Gave me a good laugh… thanks for the advice on what products to avoid. x

Noel Helton 2 years ago

Agree with most, but I love the baby monitor. As for “wipe” warmers, use wipes or a soft wet washcloth, put in micro-wave for 5 seconds and they are warm. I raised three forty years ago and had to start over two years ago with a new-born. I would say diaper bag is not necessary. I used then and now a cloth tote which holds everything you need and don’t use a purse. Just put what I need in the tote. Enjoyed your article, except for the bad language.

Holly 2 years ago

Where is your sense of humor? Maybe look inside your wipes warmer…

Starla 2 years ago

I love the sleep ‘n’ plays. When he was a newborn, we used a lot of the gerber long sleeve shirts that look like wrap shirts and snap open. Only three snaps, very easy. (Winter baby, so long sleeves was a must.) I actually wish they made them larger…I miss how easy they were to put on!

Starla 2 years ago

I don’t have a diaper genie, but I do have the Arm & Hammer diaper pail. It seems to work really well. I have a very strong gag reflex when it comes to smells (I’m already freaking about how to handle diapers when the solid foods start) but have no problem with our A&H pail.

Sam 2 years ago

….what the fuck is a “peepee teepee”? lmfao!! what in the godamned hell.

Es 2 years ago

Agree with you 100%!

Polly 2 years ago

HILARIOUS and so true. Thanks for this!

Sloan 2 years ago

Pretty sure she didn’t call a baby a douche. She said it would grow up to be one. Also learn to understand sarcasm, I’m sure she isn’t 100% serious about everything she says. Laugh a little….it’ll make you feel better! 😛

Betsy 2 years ago

I laughed until I cried reading these! Spot on!!

Sydni 2 years ago

First off I don’t have children and I’m no where near having children…I’m fifteen. I was on pinterest during school (still am..opps) and I saw this come up on my page. Clicked on it and busted out laughing in the middle of my latin class (cause you know, who needs latin). My teacher saw this and started laughing as well. Read it to the whole class. Got written up, but it was so worth it.

Cyndi 2 years ago

I always feel a little guilty when I put poopy diapers in a grocery sack! It takes how long for a plastic sack to biodegrade? And then how much longer for the diaper to do the same?? It’s like a poopy diaper time capsul!!!! Lol

Alena 2 years ago

Thank you! it is nice to know that I am not the only one :)

Mel 2 years ago

Freaking a people. “Chelsea” didn’t say “3 out of EVERY 5 deaths”, she said “3 out of THE 5”. Meaning her friend saw 5 babies die…and 3 of those were caused by co sleeping. Sheesh.

Alena 2 years ago

Dianne,

just can’t help but comment on this… I happen to teach statistics at the university level. So, I know a thing or two about it… saying “So in order for someone to say that 3 of the 5 infant deaths they have witnessed were sleep related there would have had to be over 20000 infant deaths reported in that hospital in the 2 years she worked there. ” is the same as saying that I am making, say, 60 000 and you are making 600 000, but each of us is making on average 330 000 :)))))))))))))

Kitchen2u 2 years ago

I don’t recall any babies dying from cold baby wipes. Warmers? Waste of $$, when you’re done with, it will end up in a landfill

Virginia Llorca 2 years ago

Neat the way this one ran off the rails. Almost as interesting a cat fight as in Cafe Mom.

The thing about “being green” is keeping a balance, eh? My recycler is a case and he will leave a glass jar all spaghetti saucey on the curb, and did do that to a neighbor, because they state that the items can have no food residue on them. So, you want to recycle a glass jar, you use how much water, how much gas to heat the water, how much waste water in the sewage system, how much soap to recycle one glass jar. Also impacted would be the wear and tear on the greenie, the sponge, the dishcloth or the brush whichever you use.
Are there facts and figures on what the cut off point is? When do you cross the line into where you are wasting resources and impacting the environment negatively to put a glass jar back into the system? Same with diapers. Plus with cloth diapers you have way more clothing and bedding to wash. I’m a granny so I have tried them all. Nothing like a washcloth in a zip lock bag that you can rinse out at the faucet at the zoo and reuse all day. But maybe the water I used left a bigger carbon footprint than throwing away the wipe might.

I’ll leave off now. You are getting sleepy.

DHickman 2 years ago

If you live in Texas, just stuff your wipes outside. It’ll warm ’em up real fast!

Madeleine 2 years ago

You just made me laugh so hard – which is horribly painful because I’m oane week post C-section.
But I can’t help it, this post was hilarious! Brown amoeba pattern – I’m dying over here!

Monica 2 years ago

Hilarious and well-said. I did like my diaper genie but that’s because our outdoor trash can was a 100-foot walk in -50 weather, and the genie was the only way to neatly keep those smelly things from overpowering the whole house. At the rate my kids pooped though, they filled up every 24-48 hours and then we threw the blue sausage-links away. As for cloth–sure, throw the “turds” in the toilet. How convenient if your baby only does “turds”. What about all the squishy, peanut buttery poops–do you cloth-diapering moms scrape that off the diaper into the toilet? (I’ve always wondered). I, too, have thrown out things that have been pooped on, puked on, etc. because it just grossed me out too much!!

Monica 2 years ago

Wow, I hadn’t even thought of that, but now that I look back on it, that was something I appreciated too, but didn’t realize it. I was SOOOOO paranoid with my first two kids, worried they’d die of SIDS, and I’d wake up and run to their rooms to hear them breathing. With my 3rd, we co-slept because he would NOT stay asleep in the crib, and would stay asleep in our bed. I never had to wonder how he was doing. It was reassuring having him next to me.

Dana 2 years ago

I was going to say that too. You’re supposed to dump the poo into the toilet and then put the diaper into a diaper pail in between laundry loads.

Actually, you’re supposed to dump the poo out of a disposable diaper too–of course, none of us actually do that.

Anyway, what’s left isn’t much more than the skid marks your husband already leaves in his undershorts. So you already wash poo… you just wind up washing more poo because there are more people in your house now.

If you have a washer and dryer and are good at keeping up with your laundry detergent supply (not one of those people who keeps forgetting to go to the store and therefore puts off laundry for two freaking months, constantly buying new undies ’cause there aren’t any more clean ones), cloth diapers are less of a pain than having to run to the store in a panic ’cause your kiddo’s on the last one and has had the runs today.

But of course that’s a personal choice. Just providing more data for making said choice.

Terri 2 years ago

Totally agree with Denise, plus I felt the last bit about peeing in your mouth was gratuitous grossness. Otherwise very funny and true.

Deuces 2 years ago

Okay, call me crazy, but I didn’t warm up his bottles. I breastfed for 10 months and formula fed on very rare occasions and the last two months of his first year, and I never warmed up his bottles (with breastmilk or formula). He never complained that they were too cold and I never worried about burning him. I feel like I am the only person on earth who did that.

Suzanne 2 years ago

I have used cloth diapers and it was a wonderful green idea. My mom used cloth diapers so with my first, I tried as well. I no longer use cloth diapers. First you have to rinse off the poo and pee which is really gross but as a mom, it’s like wiping noses. Then they have to sit and gather in a pile because you have to wash more than one or its a waste of water. This doesn’t sound to hard…yeah. My daughter had a sensitive bottom so you had to keep an eye on the wetness. The plastic covers seemed to cut into the skin. Diaper rashes left me frantic and I never seemed to have enough cloth diapers. When I went out I used disposable diapers. After a few months of headache, guess what…I use disposable. Less diaper rashes (And I was an avid changer), less time consuming and less cost because the washer and dryer are not constantly used. Sorry, Just not rich enough for a diaper service. I think the cloth diaper is like breastfeeding. Some can do it and some can’t and those of us who have tried, well, more power to those that persevered. I just want more time with my baby and less time doing laundry. Oh,and do the amoeba onesies come in yellow.

Melanie 2 years ago

omg!!!! hillarious. I went through all of this 15 years ago and every word of it is the truth! God bless you mothers that use cloth diapers; but seriously, I was and am all set with washing poopy diapers. I am the mom who threw out a sheet set because my 4 year old vomitted all over it. Oh and the Down comforter too. Way to tell it Mama

Pammy 2 years ago

Cloth diapers are quite easy to dump or rinse out in the toilet. I used them with both boys (early 80’s and plastic diapers were too expensive for 2 kids). By the time they got big enough to REALLY poop a lot, I was an expert and could rinse out a diaper without even getting my fingers damp, no scraping is required.

Jennifer Cunningham 2 years ago

With the wipe warmer i feel as though thats a little too much. There are these things called hands and you just rub them together with the wipe inbetween and pressto! its done like that (i would always wash my hands before and after changing my lil man so i wasnt trasferring any germs!)

brandi 2 years ago

I’m a 1st time mom, so of course I wanted all the cute stuff. I bought the ubber-expensive crib set. I still use the bumper pads, he’s 18 months today, but he hasn’t started climbing yet. I NEVER used the comforter, and probly never will. Any old white sheet you can bleach is good. I won’t ever buy another set. Waste of money. I got a decent stroller for under $100, I’m glad I did, great for the Zoo or places like that. In Utah you have to have your kid in a car seat until they are 80lbs. I got one at Costco for $70 that changes from a rear facing, to front facing, to a booster. I borrowed a Bumpo, I agree they are a waste. I did use it to keep my son in one place while I put his head shaping helmet on, but that was all it was good for. I do like my diaper genie. I can’t run out to the garbage every time my kid has a poopy diaper, I have a dog so I can’t just put it on the back porch and I don’t have an attached garage to put it in a pail. So the DG works good for me, but yes it does stink.
A lot of this stuff was gifts, and as a 1st time mom you don’t know any better, and you just want it all because it is so new and fun. I don’t see a problem with that.

brandi 2 years ago

OMG! I bought some of these ’cause they were cute. But yes they are totally worthless.

brandi 2 years ago

I really like my wipe warmer.

momuv2now 2 years ago

I love it!!!!

Courtney 2 years ago

I do recommend getting a pack n play! They come in handy,the newer ones have a removable bassinet and diaper changing pad for the top part of it and then when they get too big for the bassinet part you just remove it and use the playpen part just like a crib. I would buy a Pack n Play before I would buy a crib.I think its safer! It can easily go next to your bed without taking up alot of space. Plus its easy to pack up and take with you( vacations,babysitters house for naps, or if you have to spend the night anywhere). I do not recommend co-sleeping, but I can’t say that I havn’t done it before. I never worried about me rolling on baby, but my husband is a heavy sleeper so I couldn’t put my baby in the middle of the bed. Then I had to worry about my baby rolling off the bed. Plus are beds are too comfy for infants. If a baby is too warm and cozy when they are sleeping they forget to breath. Its called SIDs. So doctors recommend that they have a firm place. It is also never a good idea to leave a baby in a carseat to sleep. If they are not strapped in they can wiggle out of it and I just seen on the news the other day that a baby was sleeping in a carseat inside a house at a babysitters and he managed to wiggle out of it and get his head stuck in the straps and strangled himself. Very sad situation. Carseats are not made to sleep in. Always make sure they are strapped in.

Ann 2 years ago

I liked the article but did you need to use such filthy language? The article was funny on its’ own without all the swearing.

Rachel 2 years ago

We made our own wipes and used a warmer, too. I highly doubt this is spoiling your child, for goodness sakes. It’s just more comfortable. Way to go calling a baby a douche. Classy.

Melissa 2 years ago

EXACTLY!!! My best friend was all SUPER SAFETY mom with her daughter and yet she could practically fall out of that carseat!! “She gets unfomfortable…” WHAT? She’s a baby! They sleep with their heads bent way over and the straps are UNCOMFORTABLE? Get real girl! How uncomfortable is she going to be when she’s gone through the windshield because you were all loosey goosey with the straps!? I’d tighten them everytime I watched her. and if they were in my car–it didn’t move until she couldn’t!

Clarissa 2 years ago

I totally agree on the bathtub. I can bathe my daughter super fast in her little tub that fits on the counter (so I don’t have to bend over the bathtub). If I had to do the dishes first and then sanitize the sink…yeah she’d never get a bath. And there’s no way my chunky baby would fit in the bathroom sink.

Clarissa 2 years ago

And most of those 1 in 4000 co-sleeping deaths involved drugs, alcohol, or sleeping on a couch instead of a bed. Since babies mimic the regular breathing patterns of their parents (keeping them from holding their breath as often), which they can’t do when they’re in a crib by themselves, I’d be scared NOT to co-sleep.

Rachel K 2 years ago

I Just want to start out with….. You are Hilarious!!! I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks. I will be following this blog. I agree with almost everything on your list. I bath my kids in the sink, or take them in the tub with me. Never used peepee teepees. Bumbo was used but I didn’t and wouldn’t have bought it, we got it as a hand me down. I love my umbrella stroller, and my baby carrier. We cloth diaper and cloth wipes are easier when you cloth diaper, we use a wipe warmer, but it is on the counter, it is nice with little dirty hands and faces. I just roll up washcloths and pour two cups of water with a squirt of babywash stired in over top of them and pull them out as needed to clean them up in a flash. I don’t think they are spoiled because of them. We used all hand me down clothes, unless they were gifts, or I got a great deal at Wally World or Target. Baby shoes are the biggest waste of time. That being said: the first person to invent a baby sock that stays on the babies foot deserves a Nobel Prize.

Shanae 2 years ago

Agree with most, but loved my bumbo with #2 & #3! Great for giving them a different view of the world.

However, all of these comments about the tub makes me think no one knows about the Puj Tub. I love it and it is the only baby tub I would bother with. I didn’t have it until baby #3 and it was one of the very few things I would have loved for #1 and #2!

jeannette 2 years ago

put a towel or a muslin nappy in the sink first then sit the baby in. Honestly worked a treat forme until she was six months and more and cold share a bath with me.

Geneva 2 years ago

All I have to say is OMG YOU ARE FUNNY…. I’m done having kids, I have 3 sons all grown up but EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAID IS SO TRUE! I’m sharing you with all the Rookie Mommy’s I known…. Good job! G-funk

crickets_mommy 2 years ago

People are so rude on here!! I laughed at this AND shared it! Your top ten list is SPOT on. Same things I would tell someone. I had my 1st baby this sep, a boy. And I’ve never used his pee pee tee-pee. And btw I cloth diaper my son and i still think this is funny. People are so dumb that waste their time being rude!!! Keep up the blogging and thanks for the entertainment!

Claire 2 years ago

I am so glad I found ur blog….frigging hilarious!!!!! I actually chose my bathroom sink with the view that it would make a good baby bath…hows that for preparation!! And I was still single…honestly I’m not a mental!! :)
Due in 4mths and I have a feeling reading ur posts will get me through the late nights etc etc
Ps WTF is a peepee teepee??

ruthie 2 years ago

Wow….some moms are mean. Cloth diapers are exact opposite of high maintenance

missarah 2 years ago

4littlecuties, you must have been terrified! This and many other reasons are why I co-sleep with my now 7 month old. Thank you for sharing. I will tell your story when I get heat from people about co-sleeping!!

erika 2 years ago

I bought the bugaboo and i love it!! one of my best purchases. light, easy to carry, and my son is super comfortable in it :)

Leslie 2 years ago

I hate to tell you this, but your friends are being nice. I’ve never gone into a house with a diaper genie and not smelled sh*t lol.

Janet 3 years ago

I’m a mom of 5 so all you really need is diapers, milk, lots of love and most important of all patients.

diane mc neil 3 years ago

Maybe this is addressed further down but what is wrong with a facecloth
Why use wipes at all.
And you are bang on about the crib bedding….even if they dont poop on it everything has to be washed at the same because it fades so much

des 3 years ago

Yeap that what we did!!!

Megan 3 years ago

You’re funny. And by “funny”, I mean snarky and not funny. Cloth diapering isn’t high maintenance-that’s a typical uneducated comment from someone who has likely never tried it. Making a wipe solution for reusable cloth wipes (which is what she’s talking about) isn’t high maintenance either…again, you probably wouldn’t know, having never done it. Am I right? No need to answer, I’m sure I am. It takes a few minutes, and lasts months. Sounds so high maintenance.

katie 3 years ago

I’m about to have my first baby and your website just read everything in my mind, hahahah love it!!!! We got soooo many stuff for our baby that I didnt even know what they were, I returned most of them because I really think they dont need this much, specially the wipes warmer, geez!!!!!

Selasphora 3 years ago

I’m sure someone’s already said this if not ten people, but you do not put turds into the washing machine when you cloth diaper. You dump them into the toilet, which everyone is supposed to do, even if they use disposables.

Theresa 3 years ago

I have to disagree with you on the diaper genie. When my hubby came home with this $60.00 genie, I freaked out at him. But after a few diaper changes (Twins) i was happy. Anyone who came into my house, didn’t know i had one and it was in my main floor bathroom. I guess it’s just the type of genie that actually worked.

Manolo Farfan 3 years ago

Typos:
“it was easy…”
“…of the car were great…”
“I can relate to my wife…”

Manolo Farfan 3 years ago

Ha. This is very funny!

Being a parent of two kids now 5 and 2 I have to say I agree with almost all this, except one thing.

We did buy a fancy stroller and for dads like me, – clumsy – I have to say the stroller we bought was awesome. I could fold it quickly in a space small enough that I took it to another country inside the plane as a carry on. I was easy to fit in the car’s trunk, the wheels and the ‘suspension’ of the car where great, awesome quality and I enjoyed pushing my kids there fast, forward, backwards, etc. I am just the person that gets annoyed with non-functional things.

Other than that, I can related to my wife wanting to buy many of these things, some of them she did, but some of them I was like “are you kidding?”… :)

Thanks for the laugh.
Manolo

Amanda 3 years ago

I didn’t see anyone “promoting” it. I think, as with all things, when you say it’s perfectly safe, you mean it’s perfectly safe when done properly. I mean, parenting is perfectly safe….unless you’re high or drunk. Isn’t that just common sense? I think you ARE fear mongering.

Amanda 3 years ago

Unless you’re outside in 100+ degree weather, I wouldn’t worry about the newborn being too hot. Chances are your house is set to a similar temp as it is in the winter, and newborns get cold easily. I had two spring babies and both wore sleepers and pants most of the way through summer unless we were outside in the direct heat.

Jen 3 years ago

You are f*ing hilarious!!!!

Emm 3 years ago

LOL. i used warm baby washcloths for the first month my son was born (unless we were out) then i used regular good ol’ wipes. and ill do the same for this one on the way :) and i still buy baby shoes, but only 2 pairs lol the soft crib ones 😛 and cute expensive brand name baby clothes but i get them secound hand hahaha

Terry 3 years ago

You are such a witty writer!! I love your humor!!!

Great article.

Heidi 3 years ago

You’re awesome. Gonna have to google this peepee teepee thing..lol.. Never heard of it.

Darcy 3 years ago

I was speaking directly to caregivers/parents being under the influence. The FIMR report confirms this – in only about 18% of deaths was a parent/caregiver under the influence (clearly, NOT that majority.) I didn’t say anything about other risk factors. I am from Milwaukee and work in social services, and I am VERY familiar with the FIMR report.

I am not fear-mongering. I understand that co-sleeping can be done safely, but I think that spreading the message that it is always safe is a disservice. There are many factors that can make co-sleeping unsafe – prematurity, tobacco use, sleeping in bed with other children, sleeping in bed with a person other than the mother and father, sleeping on a very soft mattress with blankets and pillows, etc. – and if one is promoting co-sleeping, time needs to be spent on educating parents about these factors. Unfortunately, this is not typically done. While co-sleeping is done safely in many cultures, these cultures are much different than the US, and this should not be used as an argument for co-sleeping.

Tonia 3 years ago

Thank you for making me laugh until I cried … and pee’d my pants a little. I blame that last part 100% on being 8 1/2 months pregnant!

4littlecuties 3 years ago

That’s what I used my bumper for too. :)

4littlecuties 3 years ago

Same here! Bumbo made a great travel booster seat and first highchair. The Boppy however… THAT was a complete waste of my time. Most people disagree with me on that one though. :)

4littlecuties 3 years ago

My newborn son would have died in a similar manner if he were’t sleeping with me! I dreamed he was cold and I needed to call 911. Woke up and he was cold as ice and not breathing. I jiggled him in panic and he gasped and started breathing again. He hadn’t stopped breathing because he was laying next to me- I wasn’t on him and there wasn’t anything near his face! We were lying in the identical position we’d been in when we fell asleep- on my side with him on his back next to me in his sleep sack and his arm was touching my chest, feet against my belly. If he’d been in a crib I wouldn’t have felt that he was cold and woken up. He might not be a healthy 4 year old complaining that there are too many toys to clean up at this moment if he hadn’t been in bed with me that night.

4littlecuties 3 years ago

Wait… HANDS? I was always using my hands to keep the kiddo from flinging themself off the bed/changing table/couch or from rolling away from me. Yeah my firstborn rolled at 6 weeks old. So I would hold onto squirming baby with one hand and stuff a couple wipes down my bra with the other hand, then by the time I got the kiddo undressed the wipes were warm. I used my cleavage as a paci holder too: nice and warm and smells like the real thing.

Lindsay 3 years ago

i can barely breathe i am laughing. so. hard.!!!!!!!

Chelsea 3 years ago

I see what you’re saying, but it’s definitely not the hospitals fault that a parent accidentally rolled over on their baby. I don’t care if the statistics were 1 in 20,000. In my opinion, (which we’re all entitled to) it’s dangerous and not worth it. I don’t look down on anyone whe chooses to co-sleep b/c every parent is trying to do what is best for their baby! Of course it would have been easier for me to just sleep with my daughter since that’s ALL she wanted in the beginning lol but the little bugger got used to it & seems to be just fine in her bassinet right next to my bed :)

Hollie 3 years ago

HA HA! My friend sent me this blog, and I love it! Thanks for making me feel better about bathing the kid in the sink-you wouldn’t believe the dirty looks I got when I mentioned that to other moms! Plus it saved my back and knees like you wouldn’t believe!
And to this day I can’t believe I ever requested pee pee tee pees on my registry-and got mad when my mom laughed at me! O, how naive I was…
I will say this about my wiper warmer-every time a cold wipe touches my little guy it triggers a yellow rain shower like you wouldn’t believe! My warmer only warms the top 10 or so, and has saved my walls, linen, and yes, my mouth, from constant sprinkles, especially when that precious little snot learned to snatch up that wipe we used as cover and throw it back at us!

dianne 3 years ago

That is probably a statistical improbability. In the US 1 in 1000 infant deaths are sleep related. SIDS is used ONLY if no other cause can be found for the death. Of the sleep related deaths reported less than 25% are co-sleeping related which brings the statistics up to 1 in 4000 being reported as co-sleeping related. So in order for someone to say that 3 of the 5 infant deaths they have witnessed were sleep related there would have had to be over 20000 infant deaths reported in that hospital in the 2 years she worked there. I would think that hospital would need to be investigated. In the US there are actually LESS infant deaths from co-sleeping than when the baby sleeps by itself in a crib or whatever.

Kris 3 years ago

I had a c-section and my husband worked a lot so my daughter slept with me all the time we had a crib in our room for her but by the middle of the night she just slept next to the milking machine and I never rolled or smothered her. she is five now and sleeping in.her own bed just fine

Katie 3 years ago

One thing that IS necessary: EMS Scissors. The ONE time you put an over-the-head outfit on your bundle of joy, he or she is going to have a blow out and that joy will end up all over, up his or her back, and sides. Instead of pulling that joy back over the baby’s head and smearing it across the hair and face, just grab your EMS scissors and (just like paramedics do), cut the clothes off.

Katie 3 years ago

I have plans to turn my Diaper Genie into a hair-spray powered diaper launcher. Kinda like a potato gun.

donna guidry 3 years ago

your language is so offensive, i know you are trying to be funny, but actually, you are not, everything you said, was very true, but the curse words and sarcasism, i could have done without, pity

K 3 years ago

In 4th grade science class I learned that mold and bacteria grows in moist, warm, dark places…what is a wipe warmer you ask? You people the worry ur baby is cold, get a grip unless its a blowout diaper it takes 1min I change it. Baby isn’t going to get hypothermia in 1 min.

that guy 3 years ago

We had (adopted) our first baby girl two years ago.
We purchased the overpriced crib bedding – we never used it.
We bought several adorable overpriced crib blankets – rarely used them.
We received a wipe warmer as a gift – loved it.
We bought our baby girl tons on designer/trendy shoes (Toms, Bloch, Juicy Couture, Uggs) -she kicked them off.
She of course had a very stylish wardrobe. Marc Jacobs, Gucci, Little Ella, Splendid Littles, Baby Dior, etc – she grew out of everything so fast.
We owned the fancy bugaboo. While strolling through The Grove, our baby ened up on the ground (in the bassinet), the bassinet became detached from the metal frame. My partner didn’t know the bassinet needed to be “clicked” in, as he put it together. Oops. Thankfully, the baby was fine. We have since owned the Donkey, Bee, and the new Cameleon 3. We love our fancy schmancy strollers :)
We bought a baby tub that sat in our adult tub. It worked out perfectly. Our little girl loved laying back in it while being bathed.
Carseat – Check
Bumbo seat – didnt get one. didn’t need one.

I have no idea what a tee pee pee pee is. Clearly, we didn’t need that either.

So, basically, we bought everything we didn’t need, but we’ve had a great time along the way. Our little girl is now 2 – were still splurging on her wardrobe.
Everyone has a different experience. The point is to have fun along the way

hollow tree ventures 3 years ago

The laughing – it hurts – so… damn… funny… But fuck you if you think kids don’t need car seats. What the hell?

Chrissy 3 years ago

The only one i disagree with is the Bumbo. My kid is 3 months old and I love this thing. He has a strong neck but he definitely cannot sit up on his own yet so sometimes when he’s really fussy I just plop him in that thing and he shuts up because it’s something different. It’s nice to be able to put him down and not hear crying and be able to get some things done. I know he will sit up on his own in a few months but that’s a long time and a lot of fussing away.

kgb 3 years ago

I soon figured out why I received TWO of these handed down from friends! They’re just a bad idea all around.

Bride Holland 3 years ago

It doesn’t matter how fancy the car seat is…my pet peeve is when I see the seat belt attached but with waaaaayy too much slack. That sucker needs to be snug. I actually thought that I had it snug and then got my bubble burst when I attended a car seat clinic!!

Bride Holland 3 years ago

I agree, hate the Diaper Genie. Got rid of that not more than 2 weeks into motherhood :)

ashley 3 years ago

It really isn’t that hard to put a onsie over a newborns head! Lol, are you guys really waiting 3 months? lmao

Danielle 3 years ago

Daddy Baby Shower!
My brother in law threw a mans baby shower for my boyfriend when we were expecting our first child. It was a normal drunk gathering but every guy who attended was expected to bring a bag of diapers of any size. I had a closet of diapers and was able to exchange them when we needed a different size. I saved hundreds and really appreciated the financial help. We have continued the tradition for all new fathers since. Spread the word. It’s the best you can give new parents!

Sean 3 years ago

Sure. All you have to do is make sure the seat never leaves the floor, buy an extra safety strap, and never ever take your eyes off the child for one second even on the floor and strapped in. Perfectly safe.

Laura 3 years ago

Well….

I have to admit I have a wipe warmer but I only use it when my baby poops cause its way easier!!

The bumbo chair is actually a bad thing… It prevents some back muscles to form properly and can cause damage down the road for ur little one…

Car seats — let’s just say I should have taken a car seat class instead of a breast feeding class!!! I don’t know where u all live but they just passed a law in NH saying ur kid has to be rear facing til
2… anyways I could have saved a butt load of money on car seats if I bought the 1 that will grow with him instead if buying 1 then having to upgrade…. Ridiculous!!! Everything else is soooo true… Peepee teepees really use a wipe! What’s funnier is when u r in a baby store watching new parents registering for bottles… They register for the 4-5oz bottles… I tell them it’s a waste register for the 9oz ones cause eventually u will need them!!! Bottle Warmers —- bad idea!!

Sarah 3 years ago

Proud to say I only bought 2 of these. Carseat(gold star for me) and bathtub. It was $10 and got a good 8 months out of it( baby is smaller than average ).

Lisa 3 years ago

Another reason I like my son’s camouflage booster seat. You can’t see the stains.

Tina Dawley 3 years ago

HILARIOUS !!! and so true !!

Kate 3 years ago

Wow, I just had to google “pee pee teepees”. How did I raise a baby boy without one? ;).

When we bought a new Moses basket it came with a quilt that said “only for use at 1+ years”. Who is still using a Moses basket at 1?! So it’s just become another bit o’crap hanging around the bedroom…

Natasha 3 years ago

I’m so jealous that you can sell yours Jenifer :( When my husband finally builds his man cave in the basement I think I’ll turn it into a tv stand or something. Damn you homemade sentimental furniture….

Jennifer 3 years ago

Right?! By the time you’ve done the dunk and swish (or spray, if that’s your thing), that diaper is poo free. I dealt with more poo in the washer when we used sposies (from blow-outs) then I ever do with cloth

Jennifer 3 years ago

Dude, I NEVER used our changing table. It just sat there, being a $150 catch all for everything. Sold that sucker, and will never buy another

Grammy 3 years ago

Love the 10 things you really don’t need for your baby. I have three kids and they all had the cute bed sets with the bumper pads, quilts and stuffed animals and thankfully they are still alive, the bumper padding didn’t kill them. The onesies are a bitch, plain and simple. They didn’t have wipe warmers back when my kids were little so all three of mine got cold ass wipes on their tush and they are still alive and sane I might add. Socks work fine shoes especially when they are not walking yet. Expensive clothes are nice and sweet looking but one or two good picture taking outfits are necessary and unless you go yard selling and buy a bunch of gently used nice clothes for practically nothing, which I did, then you can dress them up as much as you want without all the expense. Seriously who gives a shit what your stroller looks like. People that walk up to you to look at your baby are not looking at or paying any attention to your stroller. The nosy asses just want to see that cute bundle of joy you have inside there. Baby bathtubs are a pain the ass, period and useless. Car seats can’t say anything about this one, they all have to have one before they leave the hospital. Though all of us youngsters that survived way back when, when they didn’t even have seat belts, webwere held by our moms whenever we went anywhere inside of a car. The bumbo seats, never had one, but my daughter does and my grandsons looked cute in them but looked like the seat of rubber was going to swallow them up at anytime, also looks uncomfortable. The teepee covers, I lmao the first time I saw these. The first night home with my son at 1am in the morning was my iniation from him and there was no way in hell one of those flimsy little teepees was going to control that garden hose. Not only did he piss all over me, but his bedding, himself, the crib and the other side of the wall. Needless to say from then on I covered him with a washcloth or blanket every time I changed him just in case.

Valerie 3 years ago

When my niece asked for a Bumbo seat, I had a very hard time requesting it in the store — not because of any problem I had with the seat itself, but because the name is a really serious curse word in Jamaican patois! I’m a well-brought-up Jamaican woman, and couldn’t bring myself to say the name — I just pointed!

Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

Yes, he is. And I know what to look for to determine when he’s protected by the seatbelt alone, but he’s not yet. It still rises up on his hips/midsection and cuts across his neck. So he’s not tall enough.

Dani 3 years ago

Here in MO you’re child has to be in at least a booster until they are either 8 or 80 lbs. For my oldest child (who has been off the for height & weight since she was 2) this is not an issue, but for my other two (7 & 5) & her friends they would be riding in booster seats until middle school if it wasn’t for the age thing! And since all of my daughter’s friends are still in booster seats their parents expect her to sit in one when she goes places with with them (and since she is in Girl Scouts this happens a lot). I had to get a note from my pediatrician stating due to my daughters height it’s actually MORE dangerous for her to be in a booster than not because of where the seat belt strap hits her shoulder.

katie 3 years ago

The Bumbo seat was recalled because of babies falling out, especially when left, oh i dont know, unattended on a table! However, it is just in need of a safety strap and you can go here http://www.recall.bumbousa.com/determine.php to order a repair kit and fix it yourself at home.

katie 3 years ago

The Bumbo seat was recalled because of babies falling out, especially when left, oh i dont know, unattended on a table! However, it is just in need of a safety strap and you can go here http://www.recall.bumbousa.com/determine.php to order a repair kit and fix it yourself at home.

Mike 3 years ago

Great article, especially the stroller part. Some other good points here website design

4 under 5 3 years ago

The homemade blankets are nice because they provide a bit of warmth while being holey enough to breathe through if baby decided to put it over his/her head.

4 under 5 3 years ago

We moved into a regular bed at 18 months with rails on both sides. Much more comfy & I could lay down if needed on sick days.

4 under 5 3 years ago

Totally agree. I also put my minimalist purse stuff in there. i.e.. one credit card, a bit of cash & my keys.

4 under 5 3 years ago

I got a medium-sized black backpack that snapped, not zipped. (At a baby store) It sufficed for twins as well as when I had 4 under 5. The twins are now ten & my hub was totally bummed on our last airport trip this year because the magnetic snap closure broke & we had to trash it. Loved that bag & it never screamed baby or girlie.

4 under 5 3 years ago

I used mine once when we were on a trip basically to restrain her after she sat up. Useless otherwise.

4 under 5 3 years ago

The cart thing is a swell idea- if you can keep it clean & have time to wash it after any messy outing.

4 under 5 3 years ago

Is he under 80# & under 4’9″? Booster seats are more about their weight & where the seat belt hits them than anything else. Of course, a five point restraint in the safest, but going there likely would get you admitted for neurosis.
My 8 year old will be in a seat until she reaches the 80# weight, which may very well be age 12 if she follows my growth pattern.

Charity Deleon 3 years ago

While I agree there is too much unecessary baby equipement the wipe warmer and bumbo seat did come in handy with the last one. The bumbo costs a fortune though so it was a craiglist steal.

4 under 5 3 years ago

btw, I used the Pack-n-Play with the bassinet & changing table, not a just bassinet. It served me well until age four or so for travel, outside time, etc. with each kid.
And while we are on traveling, the other article is hilarious, but other than an unexpected layover we had few incidents traveling. My kids learned very early to behave when in public including at restaurants. :)

4 under 5 3 years ago

You wil be happy you have a bassinet in your room. With my newborns I could hear them wake & rustle & could nurse them without waking hubby or the other kids. An awake but not screaming baby is much easier to deal with at night. They each went to their own room when they were 5 months

4 under 5 3 years ago

I had a tub that had a little drain hose & I left the tub on the bathroom counter, next to the sink and used a washer hose attached to my sink nozzle with a garden adjustable spout on the other end. It was magnificent! Once they could sit up into the tub they went.

4 under 5 3 years ago

The sleeper bags that are for 0-9 mos that zip up are the absolute best. It won’t be too hot if you use a onsies & have the a/c on. No fighting to get their little legs in.

4 under 5 3 years ago

I always bought the real cotton premium wipes at Wal-Mart (Parent’s Choice). They tear real easily into four strips. Then I would hold them in my hands & blow warm air on them. Worked just as well.

Becca 3 years ago

My favorite thing about kitchen-sink-bathing was not having to lean over for a freaking half hour trying to hold on to a soapy slippery baby. I had my gallbladder out a week after my little plumpkin was born and couldn’t lean forward for months without hurting.

Becca 3 years ago

ba ha ha! Heck yes! Babies can tough it out with cold wipes so they don’t turn into douche bags but new mamas and old people should definitely spoil their poor mistreated behinds. I like the way you think 😉

mary 3 years ago

i had 2 boys and never used pee pee tee pees..when i put a diaper on them i would just make sure their little weewee was pointing down instead of up…..worked for me…

Evalynn Rose 3 years ago

All I can say is…

I love you.

Sarah 3 years ago

I know all about o2 saturation my youngest had problems with his o2 saturation. I was just being silly. No need to take offense. And recommendation noted. :)

victoria 3 years ago

I have two children. My oldest had milk and soy allergies, colic, a lip tie, and sensory issues. She did not sleep through the night until she was 3 years old. She had excema that bled and reflux. She was sick 24/7, I lost. Jobs over having to be home with her in one year. Not a pissing contest. I just urge you to research oxygen saturation levels and car seats. I actually never slept the first 6 months, we took 2 hour shifts with her on us, in a sling. My point was it is not safe or recommended to have a baby sleep in a car seat outside of the car and not for long periods without monitoring them often and arousing them.

Amanda M. 3 years ago

I’m 8 months along with my second kiddo and nearly peed my pants reading this: “I don’t care how good cloth diapers are for the environment, there ain’t no way I’m putting turds into my washing machine.” YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Sarah 3 years ago

You have obviously never had a child that couldn’t fall asleep until you put him in his carseat and drove around the block 10 times. Then your baby falls asleep and you don’t want to move him because the moment you do, his eyes pop open and he magically stays up for hours like his 5 min sleep was enough sleep for his life

pauline 3 years ago

baby wipes in themselves are useless; they started as travel wipes. a good wash cloth, warm water and soap does the trick and are less expensive..rinse well and wash with your cloth diapers that you rinse the poo off in the toilet prior to washing.
letting them soak in a tub with the dirty wash cloths until you have enough for a wash cycle; which will be in the next few minutes….lol
Also I prefer the umbrella stroller as well, easier to pack up, and maneuver too. but each mother must find her own way to make her life pleasant and peaceful for her and her new baby.

Candace 3 years ago

Truth be told, most of the stuff people bought us for our sons baby shower does nothing more than take up space in my storage closet now.

Even with a second on the way it probably still won’t get used because it really was pointless…

Candace 3 years ago

Co-sleeping can be a safe and enjoyable experience. It gets a lot of bad rap. Truth of the matter is that a baby can die from improper co-sleeping as well as SIDS in their crib alone… There are many studies done that suggest the babys heart can stop and actually be triggered to re-start and stabilize breathing when the child is against the mother.

My son co-slept, slept in his bassinet, as well as in his crib. All these things worked for us at different times. My son was a June baby so laying on our bed with just a fitted sheet and no pillows (pool noodles under the sheets on the end to keep him from rolling off of a side) was awesome. I got much needed sleep and bonding time with him.

To this day at 19 months old he will still get in bed with us.

Sol 3 years ago

And I don’t share a bed with my children so I can bond with them. It is only one of many reasons. Mostly it is what works for us. Cribs are not what works for myself and my children and I don’t view them as safer.

Sol 3 years ago

Wrong. I will give just one example.
http://www.milwaukee.gov/FIMR2010

If you look at the date presented around 97% of all sleep-related infant deaths had multiple risk factors other than co-sleeping, and on average there were four risk factors present. Evaluating total infant mortality in the region shows that around 0.5% of deaths have co-sleeping as the only risk factor. Evidence actually suggests that an infant has a greater chance of being murdered (2.4% of cases) than die from strictly co-sleeping. It would be reasonable to conclude from this data that risk factors other than co-sleeping were the causative agent in infant deaths.

Stop with the fear mongering. Sharing a bed with a child is not something new and not something parents have just started doing. It is just talked about now in the US where as in the past it has not. Globally it how many families sleep and there are few risks involved.

You do for your family as you choose and I’ll do for mine.

Candace 3 years ago

Such an un-needed product.

It does make one hell of a nice trash can for anything outside of diapers though!
LoL

Candace 3 years ago

Janine-

I never thought of that!!!! Someone bought us a wipe warmer when my 19 month old son was born. I’ve used it once… Better believe I’m hooking that thing up in my bathroom tonight! LOL

Elizabeth 3 years ago

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bumbos are to help your kids learn how to sit up?!?!? I thought they came with that tray so you could lock your already-sitting up kids in there while you tried to cook dinner. Or, at least that’s what I thought until my second daughter leaned forward in it, and then just army crawled around like a little turtle (with the Bumbo being the shell)….

Darcy 3 years ago

Actually, in the majority of co-sleeping deaths that parent/caregiver was NOT under the influence. That is a huge myth. There are many, many ways OTHER than co-sleeping to bond with baby, so it makes sense to put them in a crib (without a bumper, blankets, pillows, etc.).

Mamanuts 3 years ago

I agree with most of the comments – my Bumbo was a waste of money! My girls’ thighs were too chunky to fit in the Bumbo. My 2 yr old now uses it as a high chair to feed her baby doll dog hair! The bottle warmer was a waste of space too! I love my bottle sterilizer though…I wash the girls’ waterproof toys and then slap ’em in there – super clean and no chemicals involved! We started with a pan of water, but working from home with a 2 yr old and a newborn, the pan would sometimes boil dry. The nice thing about the bottle sterilizer is that I use it to sterilize my little pots for my Epicure business – at least I know no-one will have an assplosion from bacteria – if you get one check for two things, though: (1) make sure you get the bottles that fit the sterilizer and (2) get one with a long cycle on it – it keeps the bottles sterile for up to 12 hours – no need to store the bottles for hours in the open air! PS whether you use a pan or a machine, the bottles aren’t sterile once you remove them, just as sterile as they can be – I didn’t worry about it too much though, knowing that in a year to 18 months, they’ll be eating soil in the garden and kissing the dogs!!!!

Denise 3 years ago

Love everything about your blog, except for one thing: the language. I totally get that sometimes there isn’t a better way to express what you’re feeling, and I enjoy a well-placed “damn” now and then. Your expletives seem a little excessive, though. But I completely agree with all these unnecessary items. I’ve never used a wipes warmer or fancy stroller either. Thanks for the laughs!

Sarah 3 years ago

Oh! and we have that blow up duck bathtub and my son is now old enough to sit up in it but we have never taken in our of the box. My husband takes a bath with our son almost everytime. They play in the tub and i come in and wash our little one. If daddy isn’t home, baby and me get in the tub together or I do it in the sink. so yeah, we have never needed a babby bathtub.

Sarah 3 years ago

Oh my gosh! The PeePee Teepees!! lol i’ve said this to sooo many moms of little boys since I got some at my baby shower. They DO NOT work AT ALL!! And i agree with the wipe warmer, however… it might not be a bad thing to have by mommy and daddy’s bed for sexy clean up. My husband wants one for us. lol

kristie 3 years ago

Scabies R Us! I fuckin love!

Crystal 3 years ago

And buying diapers and wipes that you just throw away IS minimalist? I think cloth diapering in much more minimalist and not high maintenance.

DizzyMamaLizzy 3 years ago

So true every bit!!

Marnie 3 years ago

So freaking funny b/c it’s so freaking true! I do have to say that I used the Bumbo…a lawt, simply because my kids were like fucking Humpty Dumpty if I didn’t. Mama needs to get shit done! Love it!

Jami 3 years ago

My twins had the nice stroller because I couldn’t push 2 strollers at once. Also did the bedding thing, but if you listen to the research about everything, your baby can die no matter what you do now. It’s amazing that we all survived! Obviously my girls did!

Tiffany S. 3 years ago

Yeah I’ve just read about too many babies dying from SIDS, so anything that can help prevent it is priceless in my book :)

PrincessMom 3 years ago

OOPS, grammatical error

PrincessMom 3 years ago

Exactly, what is the point of a product that isn’t safe unless your holding it in place? Why not just hold them on your lap? I know, what a concept!

Debbie 3 years ago

You do have a point there with the bumbo seats. I used one with my grandson. I used it while feeding him…..I sat it on the table but I never walked away while he was in it….same thing with sitting it on the couch…..was right there. I used it on the floor with him to give him something else to do besides lying on his back or swinging. I read about the recall….or whatever so I ordered the strap to install. I couldn’t see how that was going to help. The last time I put him in it was while his mommy was over and that was the first time he threw himself backwards in it. We were next to him so he didn’t go anywhere and she said “right there could have been a head injury had he been sitting on a hard surface.” I agreed, but he was never left unattended without someone right there and even then sometimes things happen. I would never use one again.

Debbie 3 years ago

This was the method I always used to warm the baby wipes. There were no wipe warmers when my boys were babies. I also had to use the bottle sterilizers and make up a batch of bottles at night for the next day. We used those baby food trays that you put hot water into and it kept baby food warm without being too hot. Now people just feed their babies out of the baby food jar at room temperature.

dude 2.0 3 years ago

you forgot denim jeans for babies. especially the ones with embroidered daisies.

Susan 3 years ago

My hubby calls that crib alarm baby monitor my new mom moment. He totally thinks it wasn’t worth the money. I like it though, so that’s all that matters to me.

LeeAnn 3 years ago

So you mean you’re not a minimalist. You’ve named an extra 3 things and cloth diapers = high maintenance.

Sol 3 years ago

Perfectly safe as long as you aren’t drugged/drunk and practice proper safe sleeping.

Ruth Utterback 3 years ago

My babies are now parents,but I remember some of useless things I received as gifts and purchased, I love your humor. Thanks

Victoria 3 years ago

Actually, it is NEVER recommended to let a baby sleep in the car seat outside of the car. Car seats are for the car. Babies Oxygen Saturation levels are decreased in the car seat. This is dangerous. Just saying.

Victoria 3 years ago

Actually, they are meant to be emptied daily. No more than 24 hours, if you put a naturally antimicrobial agent in the water (such as tea tree) its just fine. I am on my third baby and am an extreme minimalist, but because I cloth diaper, I like the warmer. You can just put water and a little essential oil and a soap star in and you can wet your wipes as you go. Just saying.

Christi 3 years ago

I never used any of it except the bath tub that was a duck. My boy was much to big to put in the sink and when he was big enough to sit in play in it he loved it and when he pushed its head it would quack he had so much fun. And the Bumbo I was given as a gift I never used it for my son but I sat on it for a few weeks after I came home from the hospital.

Larissa 3 years ago

My youngest is 19 and we didn’t have some of these fancy gadgets thank goodness. I did, however have the “onsie” nightmare on more than 1 occasion. Some things never change.

Bekah 3 years ago

Like the majority of baby item recalls, this was due to parents leaving the child unattended and on unsafe surfaces.

Melany 3 years ago

Lol, I think there is more poo in the form of skid marks on my 5&6 year olds underwear than my little ones cloth diapers. That crap goes in the toilet.

Jamie 3 years ago

Omg I so agree with most of it. I have a bimbo but not to teach LO to sit but just to have my little Clinger in another position besides being in my arms!! It worked sometimes and not others. I have a crib but I so need a new one before this baby gets here since its falling apart but can’t afford to go get another dang crib. Guess we will be cosleeping

msumom 3 years ago

ps) I know that the author didn’t say anything about Coach diaper bags…it was just commenting on a previous comment!

msumom 3 years ago

LOL!!!! I think Coach diaper bags ARE a necessisty!!! And I LOVED the Bumbo for the babies. The rest….YOU CAN DO W/O! Just saying!!! And I have 26+ yrs experience taking care of babies! :)

Sean 3 years ago

Bumbo seats have been recalled because it’s far too easy for babies to fall out. Multiple skull fractures have been reported.

Aimee 3 years ago

Yeah, peepee teepees always struck me as stupid and useless. You learn how to be pretty quick about changes. My boy only peed on me a couple times.

I did like having a baby bathtub, but I got it hand-me-down from my sister, so maybe I only liked it cuz I didn’t have to pay for it!

Beth 3 years ago

You would think that fact would be obvious since bacteria grows in a warm moist environment. Apparently not.

Julie 3 years ago

My baby is now almost 15, he slept in his expensive crib, that turned into a toddler bed and now sleeps in a full size bed with the back part of the crib being his headboard, so it was a nice gift from a very dear friend, and thankfully I didn’t have to pay for it. He never had the wipes warmer, bumpo or any of that other fancy crap. I was lucky that I had a built in changing table because it now doubles as shelves for my books and it was used all the time with a very inexpensive piece of foam covering it. I hated my diaper genie and threw it out after the first couple of months because it smelled so bad. I finally got rid of his pack n play this summer on my rummage sale. As I was setting it up, someone literally stopped their car and screamed across the street, I’ll buy that. Actually sold it for a pretty decent amount and it was a gift from long ago, but still looked brand new. I still have his mini Harley Davidson jean jacket, for unknown reasons but it was just soooo cute. Still have baby spoons in my silverware drawer, they come in handy when I need to scrape something out of a small container. As for shoes, this boy has never had normal size feet. So the shoes I received as gifts at my baby shower, actually got regifted because his feet were already too big for them. He now wears a size 16 shoe! Thanks for the laughs today, and the memories. xxoo

Kelly 3 years ago

I just laughed until I cried. Hysterical!

Tiffany 3 years ago

Too funny! I agree with most of this except the bumbo. I don’t think the bumbo was meant to help them learn to sit. Physical therapists actually say the opposite that it does all the work for them so they don’t learn. I think they are simply used as entertainers. My kids always want to be upright long before they can do it on their own so the bumbo helps when I’m tired of holding them.
I cloth diaper cuz it’s so cheap! And I don’t put poop in my washer haha.
I would also add to this list: shirts! I mean any shirt that is not a onesie/bodysuit w snaps

Colleen Landry 3 years ago

I have been telling my friends all this shit for years! It’s like you live in my head. I have your number 10…those little hairbands for baby girls…cause their thin assed hardly there newborn hair is falling in her face…right!

Jen 3 years ago

Lol, all 3 of my kids with the pack n play as a bed as well…. It ruled! :)

Donna 3 years ago

Your post is hilarious! I love it. Except the car seat part; I know you’re joking but my nephew recently died in a car accident so it really isn’t laugh worthy. Some idiot might not have a grasp on sarcasm and take you seriously. Just saying. :-) But I seriously love your handling on this subject!

Jessie 3 years ago

Ok.. so I agree with the bedding. Our son is 9 months old and has NEVER slept even an hour in either his crib or bassinet. The fancy clothes I agree with you as well… at least.. Now adays.. the clothes at WalMart are just as cute as the stuff from Gymboree… (With my first, our daughter, you couldn’t find cute things really unless you went into the mall). The stroller… I will argue with you till your blue in the face. I went through 5 or 6 inexpensive strollers the first time around.. I felt like Goldie Locks.. too cluncky.. too heavy.. didn’t steer well. We spent the money on a Peg Perego and it’s made my life so much easier.. it’s light weight and I can pop it open with one hand.. while holding baby in the other (A very handy dandy feature especially after C-section)

Constitutionchic 3 years ago

My youngest is 16 and almost everything we used for our kids was second hand (we are very frugal, and I just didn’t see spending a bunch of money on stuff for a month or two). The only thing I would have bought, maybe (no wait, I probably would have figured out a way to make one) is the little cover that goes on their car seat so you don’t have to put them in a snowsuit (my poor kids of course were swimming in theirs because I wanted to make sure that they didn’t out grow it). Otherwise, the author is right–there is a billion dollar industry of stuff a baby doesn’t need, but the stores have convinced partents to buy. Can’t wait to see what my grandkids will need…

Mary 3 years ago

We used a foam pad on a dresser at night until they slept through the night. Then we used our bed or the floor with an oversized changing pad.

JD Bailey @ Honest Mom 3 years ago

#1!!! #1!!!

“Okay then, you’ll just throw the quilt on the back of the nursing chair for decoration, which totally doesn’t work because then your head is all shoved forward when you sit in the chair.”

I can’t believe I’m the only person who didn’t get pissed off about this.

Stupid pretty nursery bedding set.

kim 3 years ago

first time your little boy pees on you – and he will pee on you at some point. You will learn. BTW ladies huggies suck for boys. They leak like crazy.

kim 3 years ago

Changing tables – never had it, I lived in a shoebox of an apartment and there is no way on earth I was going to get a changing table in there. I purchased a pad and attached it to the top of my son’s hand me down dresser. I got a few little cloth bins from the dollar tree, one for the supplies and one for diapers, done, I also didn’t waste time with a diaper geenie, not when every relative was giving me their leftover plastic bags from the grocery store. Clean, stuff, tie it really tight, toss – all done.

Mama and the City 3 years ago

Where was this list when I had my little poop maker? I need a re-fund.

Soniya 3 years ago

OMG this totally made me laugh since I bought half of the things on here. I remember going into Babies R Us when I was about 6 months pregnant and getting so overwhelmed that I sat down in one of the rocking chairs and just started crying. Once I got over that, I discovered the beauty of garage sales in my development and bought hand me down crap from my friends. It didn’t make me feel as bad when DS decided he didn’t like it.

Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity 3 years ago

Wipes warmers are the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of, along with bottle warmers. Uh, stick the damn bottle in some warm water. See? WARM MILK. OY.

And peepee tents?? Good Lord this society has gotten lazy. You either learn to change a boy’s diaper fast or you keep a washcloth or cloth diaper handy to put over his thingy.

Keep it simple, stupid. <~~~ More people need to learn to live by this statement.

kara 3 years ago

Oh can i add i despise those stupid stupid bath tubs….i got one at my baby shower and wanted to chuck it immediately. My baby girl has been in the tub since her stump fell off im big on babies being introduced to water to “swim”

Renee 3 years ago

Same here. I loved the bumbo bc my son liked to sit all the time (nosey) before he could do it on his own. It was also great for “helping” him cleanse.

kara 3 years ago

Im the d bag mom with a coach diaper bag, fancy stroller, top rated car seat, cloth diapers, baby wears, co-sleeps, breastfeeds where ever the hell i please, buys cute little shoes, and my kid has a bigger wardrobe than me. BUT I did pass on the other stuff ::shrugs:: if you have the means and want to indulge yourself why not?!

Jessica Smock 3 years ago

Well, I actually am a fan of the high end stroller. We lived in Boston — horrible cobble stone sidewalks and tons of snow — and our fancy stroller (which cost more than my first car) was priceless. Through months of colic, that thing made me happy every time I used it. And my baby slept in the bassinet that comes with it at night and during naps for the first few months. (Well, if he did sleep.)
I also second the Bumbo, shoes, and wipes warmer. I literally was given dozens of shoes that were not even worn once. I’d also say the bottle warmer was never used. My son didn’t care if his bottles were warm, and why would I have made things more complicated? And what about carriers? We had a Moby, Ergo, Bjorn,… I would say don’t buy any of those until you’re sure that your baby (and you) will actually want to use it.

Tiffany 3 years ago

At dinner I told my husband about wipes warmers. He asked if they really made those. I said, yeah, they do. Without batting an eyelash he said, “They didn’t make those for babies. They made those for men after sex.” bahhhahhhaa

Jamie 3 years ago

all onsies that have the wide necks with the flaps at the shoulders are meant to go over the body and the head. I pull them on over his head, then pull them down so I don’t get poop/pee in his hair if his diaper exploded. Genius, that.

Jessica G 3 years ago

Enjoyed the read, and mostly agree! I never got the Bumbo for my kid to “learn” to sit…just another position they could be in for short periods of time to “sit” and be sociable and view the world from a different perspective…the thing I think you left OFF this list is all the exersaucers/walkers…they are NOT good for kids’ spines…until your kid can pull themselves up to standing, that is! If you put them in a walker/jumper swing-thingy/exersaucer/etc. before they can pull themselves up, their little bodies aren’t ready for it, and you are setting them up for back probs…just my $0.02.

Brandy 3 years ago

This was frickin hilarious! I agree 100%! I appreciate your sense of humor! While my husband is stationed overseas, I am the “single” mother of a little girl (who has taken the “terrible twos” to a new level) and her twin brothers (they are 16 months old…yep, 13 months apart! I kinda like my husband, don’t judge! lol) You are correct, you don’t need any of this stuff! I only have the Coach diaper bag because I seem to have a small addiction to over-priced shoes and purses! Thanks for making my day!

kjm 3 years ago

I love your complete lack of a sense of humour! As much as I’d love to go on a rant about how you should take a minute or 2 to have a Calgon moment and try not to be so anal and ridiculous, I have to go – little Joey is running with scissors and little Katie is playing in traffic.

Michele 3 years ago

I just want to say thanks. You make me laugh everyday when I read your posts.y daughter is 3 months old and I laugh at all the stupid shit I’ve done that you point out in your posts like the really cute leather Yankees shoes I just had to have and the bedding set I bought that I’m not using!! :-)

steffie 3 years ago

co-sleeping actually isnt anywhere near as dangerous as you may think , its called cot death for a reason not co-sleep death. unfortunately though, they bracket any sleeping not done in a cot as co-sleeping so when a mum is exhausted and falls asleep on sofa and suffocates little one its called co-sleeping when it is not. there are many many ways to co-sleep safely but you do have to follow the guidelines to ensure safety for the little one.

jd 3 years ago

Once I trained my (33-year-old) husband on how to do laundry correctly, he stopped making sure that poop and bananas really hung on to all my son’s cutest clothes. We haven’t had problems with poop stains at all since we switched to formula, so I think preventing stains is down to using hot water on light colors more than breastfeeding or not.

Autumn 3 years ago

Dude, totally. I had one with my oldest and it took her 30 seconds to twist out and smack her head on the floor. Never used it again. Gave it to a friend and warned her what happened to my daughter but hers enjoyed it and never had a problem.

Autumn 3 years ago

We did this $10 ducky blow up tub for the time between when lo was too old for the sink and too little to sit up by herself. I liked it bc we could take the air out when we were done. Much better purchase than the $30 tub.

Autumn 3 years ago

Oh Jenny I bought those snap dresses in every color I could find for my lo and her apnea monitor. She seriously wore nothing else for like 4 months lol.

Tiffany 3 years ago

I love reading all of your blogs,they are so hilarious!! I wish you would’ve written this one about a year and a half ago, but I’m not sure even then if it would’ve helped since new moms have some sort of illness that requires them to BUY BUY BUY!!! Lol
We had/have all of this stuff, except the pee-pee tee pee, since we have a daughter and honestly I don’t know what a pee-pee tee pee even is….
The way you talked about the expensive crib bedding set was dead-on. We got it put it in the crib and boom I find out that the crib is now a death-trap, soooo out it comes. The clothes and shoes…….I can’t stress this enough for the soon to be new moms ZIPPER SLEEPERS…..best thing ever made :). The Bumbo also extremely dangerous…..they recalled them and have a kit they will send you to add a strap to your Bumbo so it’s safe, not sure how that makes it more safe I’m sure they can still tip it over, and now it’s just still attached to them when they do. Our daughter did love her bathtub and bathtime though. Ummmm the wipe warmer…..that one was not my fault, my Dad insisted on buying it saying it was absolutely ESSENTIAL……not sure how he even knew about them…lol. I’d like to add to why you don’t need a wipe warmer……cause the warm wipe makes your new baby pee all over,so you’re changing them and the warm sensation makes them pee and now you have to do laundry and clean the changing area……umm no not fun. Cloth diapers are a big ummm no as well and I’ll even throw in a ewwww!!! Also I read a comment about a crib that converts to a toddler bed and then a big kid bed, we do have one if those but it came from Target for like $180. I also co-slept with my daughter until she was about 4 months, but what I did was I bought a travel bassinet from Target for $25, and just put it on the bed next to me, worked PERFECT!! I did read though that a mother has an instinct not to roll over in their baby unless they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. One thing I would say is a MUST is a crib alarm, it goes under the mattress and if they stop breathing for more then 20 seconds the alarm goes off…….this has helped me sleep better at night knowing she’s safe :))). Ok that’s my 2 cents lol….
And again I must say I LOVE your blog !!!!

Elspeth 3 years ago

I have to say that we started out with disposables but ended up switching to cloth. Not for environmental reasons, but because diapers are just so damn expensive!! Poop doesn’t go into my washer, they go into the toilet LOL then into my diaper pail with water and a few drops of lavender oil to soak. Never owned a diaper genie, do have a bumbo with a tray. It was useful for us, but it was always on the floor which is fine since I’m so short. We have a bassinet and crib, but rarely used either since we coslept. Americans here in Okinawa complain about not finding cribs easily off bases. Well that’s because they cosleep! It can be done safely and has been done since the dawn of man. It’s not for everyone, but it’s what worked best for us; especially since my Turd has a tendency to stop breathing at night. She would need that gentle rub, pat or rolling shake to get her to start breathing again. I’m sure that if we put her in her crib, she wouldn’t still be here.

mom 3 years ago

That is very interesting because I tell ALL new moms that my favorite baby item is my video monitor. I was not into them until my baby was a preemie. Then I had to have one, and I’m so glad because it gave me such peace of mind. Plus, I didn’t have to get out of bed as much. I could see if he was really up and needed me, or if he was just crying in his sleep. Then, surprise, pregnant when my preemie was 5 mo. I upgraded and got a video monitor that you can “scan” the room with. Best investment.
:)

Melissa 3 years ago

You missed bottle warmer. We had one that melted the bottle & caught on fire the first time I used it. This was after about 20 seconds & I followed the directions to the tee, being that I’d never used one before. Thankfully, I was standing right there when it happened. After that, I just used hot running water.
I agree with most of the list except bathtub. I was lucky to have a very large counter space in the kids bathroom & that was where the tub went. No bending over & it was right next to the sink so I could just move it over to drain it. My kitchen sink was never clean enough to put my kid in. Apparently, I am the only one in my house that knows how to wash a dish. Having to clean up the kitchen to bathe my kid is asking a little too much :) That doesn’t really work anyway when they’re newborns & can’t sit or even hold up their own head.
Oh yeah, and I have a diaper genie. On the fence about it but it was a shower gift.
Love your posts :)

piperfree 3 years ago

Haha! My changing table was my dresser for all their crap. Never used it for it’s real purpose, the couch and floor worked better!

piperfree 3 years ago

Both my girls slept in there car seats next to my bed for the first month. They seemed to like them better than being all flat in the bassinette. Totally agree on them being a car seat/bed.

Chantel 3 years ago

I totally agree, it seemed like a good idea so the kitchen garbage didn’t stink so much, but we stopped using it because I couldn’t change the bag without gagging and/or puking. Yuck

C 3 years ago

I agree. Loved my Bumbo. I didn’t use it a lot with my first because he was a preemie and didn’t sit up until after he was 1 year. But I did use it with my second. He’s a “clinger”. Holy moly. That was an easy “here, sit and watch me do this while you play (and not get into other stuff)” kind of thing.

Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

He’s pretty content to know that he has a much higher likelihood of walking away from an accident than his peers who are not in boosters seats. There’s not a single thing wrong with having your priorities in the right place.

piperfree 3 years ago

I bet your almost 11 year old is so psyched they are still in a booster.

Michelle 3 years ago

Someone bought my cousin a peepee teepee for her shower. Even back then I thought it was stupid. Guess what we called our peepee teepee? A washcloth. Enjoyed your post!!!!!

Janine 3 years ago

HA! Oh, that’s fantastic. “Retirement present”.

Warm wipes are also nice for new Mom’s with a case of grapes at the backdoor… nothing like a nice, warm wipe to bring a little pleasure to an uncomfortable situation.

Amanda 3 years ago

Was*

Amanda 3 years ago

Heck who needs a diaper bag? I just carried a big purse that fit everything I needed. It wad hard enough to carry my purse and carrier let alone a bulky diaper bag! 😉

Jenny 3 years ago

I preferred snaps, but that was only because my three LOs came home on apnea machines, so they had wires to contend with and you can’t exactly zip them up and have them come out of their neck hole (choking hazard and all that jazz). 😉

Nick 3 years ago

I say if you can afford it and you want your baby to be a pansy buy it all.

Mandi 3 years ago

Iv actually tried that, found it didn’t actually work very well, all it did was transfer the moisture off of the wipe onto my hand. Probably doesn’t help that my hands are almost always cold though. Lol

Lisa 3 years ago

Did you know you were born with built it wipe warmers. They are called left hand and right hand. Stick a couple of wipes in the palm of your hands a couple of minutes before changing your little ones and t-da – warm “enough” wipes. 😉

Lydia 3 years ago

They make travel wipes warmers too. Just sayin’… :)

Brandie 3 years ago

Pretty sure when I used cloth diapers, turds didn’t go in my washer, they went in my toilet….

Natalie 3 years ago

Pretty sure we have a wipes warmer that we never used somewhere in the house. Oh we also got a bottle warmer. >.> Yeaaah never opened that shit either. Oops?

Lisa 3 years ago

I see wipe warmers more as a nice retirement present, by then they are deserved!

Neene 3 years ago

I have 15 month old twins. Out of all the strollers that I’ve owned, none of them were new. It’s not worth it.
If I could do things over again, I wouldn’t have bothered with crib bedding and just would have bought some crib sheets and called it a day. I’m a no frills girl to begin with.
I have a diaper champ pail and I don’t use it anymore. Changing the bag would make me gag and I refused to buy refills for a diaper genie.
Plastic bags from the grocery store work just as well.

chelsea 3 years ago

You’d be surprised. My friend has worked at a hospital peds unit for 2 years. 3 out of the 5 babies she saw pass away was caused by cosleeping. I kno its tempting but i don’t think its worth it

Natasha 3 years ago

Another thing I found completely useless and a waste of space was a changing table. Between both girls I might have used mine 10 times. We used the floor, bed, or couch. Unless it’s the dresser ones, it’s a complete waste. Also mine was homemade by my husband’s grandfather so now I’m stuck with a big piece of useless furniture in my basement for 20+ years waiting to hand it down for my daughters to not use either.

Alyshea 3 years ago

I used the bumbo with my daughter because she is a peanut and the straps on the high chair were too big and I didn’t feel safe with putting her in it so she was strapped into the bumbo to eat.
My stroller was given to me by a friend whose mother was convinced she was having a girl so it was pink and princesses, she had a boy.
I used the baby bather that I just sat in the sink until she could sit up and then I got one of the ducky inflatable tubs that I put in the tub.
I won a gift card to target so I used that for a bumper set and sheets.
I have the arm&hammer version of the diaoer genie, the bags are cheaper and work better.
I buy all of her clothes on clearance, and I bought her tons of shoes, but she was also a size 0 until she was 8 months old, she’s 2 now and is a size 4.

Michaela 3 years ago

UGH diaper genies are SO gross!!! They stink and are just so unnecessary. Get those things straight to the dumpster.

Ashley 3 years ago

*that it’s

Heather 3 years ago

OMG, we totally learned our lesson with the stroller! My mom kept telling me it would be a waste but I insisted on having one. We used the thing about 2 times before realizing it was such a hassle to maneuver through (department) stores and get in and out of the car. Most of the stores we shop at (Target, Wal-Mart, the grocery store) have carts that you can put the baby carseat/carrier in. And once she was big enough she just sat in the cart itself. We got a $15 umbrella stroller after enough frustration with the big one and were much happier and used it a lot more. I feel bad saying this, but I am glad we got the big stroller as a gift and didn’t spend our own money on it. We sold it in a yard sale when our daughter was about 8 months old.

Dawn Carafeno 3 years ago

yep! I hadn’t thought of that, but yep! It was a running (haha pun) joke in this house for a couple of months that every time I put Sebastian into the Bumbo, I was guaranteed to have to remove him and poo-covered thighs and clothes and bleach the Bumbo seat because every time I put him in there, he would have an assplosion.

Shannon 3 years ago

That is so funny. The Bumbo saved my life! My babies wanted me to carry them around ALL the time. That’s great, except for when you need to do housework. When I was doing laundry, I’d set my kids in it and hand them a toy…they would sit there watching everything I did while they chewed on something. I DO NOT think it teaches them to sit (that’s ridiculous), but I do think it is great for setting them next to you at a low level while you do things. Loved it! I suppose there is no “right” answer to any of these things…everyone’s kids and lives are so different.

Sara 3 years ago

I co-slept with both of my children. 99% (not an actual statistic) of the co-sleeping deaths that you hear about are caused by the adult being under the influence. As long as you’re not drunk or drugged up (legally or illegally) your baby will be fine.

Dawn Carafeno 3 years ago

oh, also….some other shit I still have lying around here from the most recent babies. Night time bottle warmer; baby bottle/nipple sterilizer; teddy bear with mama heart sounds; crib mobile (see my previous comment #99); 15 pairs of baby shoes; itty bitty baby sunglasses (who the hell came up with this?); video monitor (never used, not once); about $1500 in giraffe-themed nursery decor – bedding, lamp, rug, etc.; 9 million baby headbands and hairbows (for the baldest baby who ever lived; 2 baby bathrobes (BATHROBES? is the kid Hugh Hefner’s?); uber-beautiful, tres expensive dressy baby coats; baby snowsuits; personalized, professionally made vinyl banner for “Sophia’s 1st Birthday!!!” (I blame a year of sleep deprivation for my decision to purchase that thing); ….now I’m sleepy again. I’m sure there is TONS more.

Jackie 3 years ago

Another thing that’s totally useless is a nappy sack baller thing. You put dirty nappies into a bag which is attached to a roll in a machine. You then screw it round and it balls the nappy up. It then goes into the machines bin. The roll is ready for the next heap a steaming poop.
Problem
1It falls over
2 it’s expensive
3 it takes ages to work out how to use it
4 in the middle of the night it’s downstairs and you are buggered if you’re going to trapes down stairs to package poop up so chuck the nappy tightly taped onto the bedroom floor. Making mental note to yourself not to stand on it when you next wake.
5 it stores quite a few so you have a bacteria farm all of your very own in your house with a multiplying feacal matter lid which can infect everyone including your little bundle
6 I’m not emptying it. It’s steaming and smells like poop
7 it’s not something anyone wants to buy second hand
8 husbands won’t use it they mock it
9 you deserve all of the above IF you actually decided to purchase one at Scabies R Us
10…er…oh yeah. You can’t buy the bags to put in the roll on it easily so you end up putting the nappy in the normal bin anyway!!
Tadaaaaa
My useless item has 10 cons all on its very own!!!!
X

Andrea 3 years ago

Oh, thank you, I so needed that laugh this morning! 9 months preggers with #2 and sleeping like shiiiiiiit (having a gymboree class on my bladder all night and subsequently needing to pee every hour on the hour kinda does that!) Needless to say, sleep deprivation was looking to make my morning with my preschooler less than spectacular. Funny how a good laugh can fix a lot (not too hard to make a pregnant woman pee her pants though, so no kudos there 😉 ) Thanks for the laughs, keep it up!

LindaR 3 years ago

I love our warmer too. So 😛 to the rest.

Ronnie 3 years ago

I agree with you! My daughter, kid #3 is an escape artist, she did not last 3 minutes in there before topeleing over! I used to put the bumbo backed up against our couch, then put pillows all around her to avoid her hitting her head on the wood floor. I then realized that I could forgo the pillow if I used the foam tile play floor thingies we have. In hindsight, I should just bought her a brain-bucket! THAT is a much better idea! :)

rachel 3 years ago

I just shat myself laughing so hard. This woman is hilarious. and it’s funny because it’s ALL SO TRUE.
I died reading the wipes thing. HILARIOUS.

Shannon 3 years ago

I agree with everything except for the wipee warmer and the Bumbo comments.

When you first take home your baby, and you have to change their diaper and feed them MANY times in the middle of the night, you do not want a cold wipee to take them to a more alert level, which requires more soothing and time(time which you are DYING to use for sleep). In the beginning, it was a great thing to have. After they started sleeping through the night, I stopped plugging it in and just used it to hold wipees next to the changing table. It lasted through two babies, and probably still works. Love it.

The Bumbo?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! When you have a baby that is like a barnacle, and you need to actually get things done, the Bumbo is perfect. I would put my babies in that thing and hand them a toy to chew on while they watched me fold clothes or do a little cleaning, and they were happy as clams. I don’t know about the whole teaching them to sit thing, I never worried about that.

Dawn Carafeno 3 years ago

You forgot CRIB. Seriously. A crib. I have five children and two grandchildren. My children are 24, 17. 15, 2 and 1. Yep. 2 and 1! Started completely over, I did. And because Sophie (2) was a later-in-life baby, my husband and I were a bit better off than when my other children were born, and because she was my husband’s first and certain to be his ONLY child, we opted to buy her the most beautiful crib (omg, it converts to a toddler bed, then a full size bed – it’s a great investment!) for over $1200. It is gorgeous. Don’t think it isn’t. But, Sophie will be 3 in April, and we found out that our miracle baby girl was maybe not really the miracle child because OOPS! that shit happened again and we found ourselves pregnant (and completely fucking SHELLSHOCKED wh
en she was not quite 2), and neither Sophie nor her little brother, Sebastian has ever ever ever slept a night in that gorgeous crib. NEVER. I’m still sleeping with baby in bed with me. Sophie finally started sleeping in a toddler bed two weeks ago, but not the gorgeous cherry wood crib-converted-to-a-toddler-bed. No, not that. She insisted that she NEEDED and wouldn’t have anything less than the Disney Princess/Tinkerbell plastic cheap-ass toddler bed we saw at a garage sale and bought for $20. So there ya go.

Ashley 3 years ago

As long as you follow proper precautions, co sleeping is very safe. I did it with both my girls and they are excellent sleepers in their own beds/room now. People think you just stick baby in your bed to co sleep, not true. There are guidelines for safety. I actually slept better knowing they were there too, it was a win/win for us but I understand that’s its just not an option for others.

Amy S 3 years ago

Yep, I had that same experience with babies and shoes. So, I tied the laces together and hung them on a peg in the nursery for decoration. And to remind me when kids 2 and 3 came along to not even try to put them on their feet.

LindaR 3 years ago

I love our wipe warmer. I even put his PJs on top of it while he takes a bath and it warms them ever so slightly. No, it doesn’t help for the cold public ones (but mine would scream over public changes warm OR cold) but it sure does help in the middle of the night. If he’s happy about it… I’ll take 1/2 of the time warm and comfy instead of always cold. 😛 The rest of the stuff… yeah, what you said. Ha! Ha!

Melissa 3 years ago

You can get lighter cotton sleepers or “sleep n plays”. They really are amazingly easy and still cute for those first few months.

Melissa 3 years ago

If I did it over again with #1, only sleepers first six months!

My kiddo hated baths till she could sit up so we just did like half baths every few days (sometimes it was like a week, I know, I know) and then finally she was in the inflatable duck bath (which was like $12 and worked awesome…just a pain in the butt to store in between baths). I wasn’t into the sink bath. I’m too paranoid about chicken guts and baby butts in the same sink.

Erica 3 years ago

I would add a sterilizer to that list. First of all, everyone has at least one pot right? BINGO sterilizer. Secondly, the minute you take it out of ither the scalding hot water or the fancy schmanzy sterilizer it hits the air and BAM…unsterilized! And even if you get it through the air sterilized, where do you put it? A paper towel, a plate, a plastic tupperware, which are all 1. exposed to air and 2. completely unsterilized!! So what is the point?!?!

Beth 3 years ago

I bought my DD a bunch of those white onesies from Gerber. Yep, I am an asshole. She can shit all over them, and I can just toss them out because they are inexpensive. She has some cute clothes, don’t get me wrong, but when it’s just me and her for the day, she goes in a white onesie. She doesn’t care, as long as she gets to punch me in the boob when she is hungry, she is fine.

Crystal 3 years ago

Reread that, she was totally kidding :) But I do have to say the new fangled car seats with all the fanciness to them? Totally not necessary…just a regular, plain, no frills car seat worked just fine for all my kids :)

Katlin 3 years ago

Bathe together! What craziness…just kidding.

I also bathed all my children in what ever sink I could until they could attempt to sit up in the big tub with their sisters. My oldest thought it was great fun to grab the sprayer hose from the kitchen sink…it was then that we moved her to the big tub to avoid a full drenching.

Mandi 3 years ago

Never really researched on the topic (although I might now) all I know is that the one I got says that the thing in the bottom is meant to prevent the growth of bacteria…but I suposse they all say something like that, doesn’t necessarily make it true. Thanks for the tip.

Rebeccah 3 years ago

What she ^ said.

Marti 3 years ago

Do you know wipe Warner’s can grow bacteria and Peds don’t recommend you use them….just a little safety tip for your little ones lady parts!

dianne 3 years ago

I don’t know about that. Both my kids slept with me when they were small because I was too tired (or is that f’ing lazy) to get out of bed every 2 hours to feed, change then hope to get them or me back to sleep. I think you would be amazed at the extreme low numbers of parents who roll over onto their new baby. The number is so much lower than cribdeaths due to being strangled by bumber pad strings or by a blanket, or even a shade cord because someone thought the crib should be in front of a window in case the kids wants to see the sun rise or something.

gina 3 years ago

I’m very shocked to hear of so many people co-sleeping with their babies. It is so dangerous for the baby! A rocker or crib next to the bed is fine, but they should not be in the same bed if possible! It would be terrible if the baby got smothered.

Crystal 3 years ago

Wait. I thought car seats WERE mini-cribs? So you really only need one or the other, right? Until they learn that roll maneuver and that’s when you’re screwed. 😉 Enjoyed this post! Hope there’s more from you in the future.

Crystal

Bethany 3 years ago

And anything that closes with buttons for at least the first year, probably more (haven’t gotten past the first year yet). Baby Gap, I love you, but if you sell Grandma and Auntie K ONE MORE THING with buttons in the front/back/shoulder we’re going to have to break up. Seriously.

Susan 3 years ago

I totally agree with all of this. My first one, a boy, had it all. My second had a few new things since she was a girl. By the time I had my third and had gotten rid of all the stuff from one and two, (they were 10 and 7 when third was born, and we had moved cross country to a place with no basements for storage) Almost everything came from yard sales. They hubs is way more accomidating if you didn’t pay half your life savings for it. I totally agree with all of your list! Wipe warmers are retarded. If you spend any time out in public you will have issues with the cold ones and your child will scream bloody murder for every public change. And I get that you don’t actually put poop in the washer, but who wants to stand over a toilet and scrape all that crap off before putting it in the washer? 10 times a day…Gross!

Mercy 3 years ago

Oh, boy. There is way too much junk sold in baby shops these days, such weird and unnecessary things.

I can relate to all of this – stained sheets, clothes not going on, etc. I’ve never even heard of a wipes warmer before. But I can assure you it isn’t needed. Just hold the wipe in your hands for a few seconds to warm it up.

Mom 3 years ago

The carseat comments are all jokes. Just meant to be cute cuz that is one of theb few, indisputable must haves!

PrincessMom 3 years ago

and diaper genies

PrincessMom 3 years ago

Bumbo seats are the scariest, most unsafe product to come out in ages.

Bev 3 years ago

I am confused by all the car seat comments. In most states you have to have one to even take your baby home and get a huge fine if you are stopped without one. Instead of fancy strollers or bedding, our money went to car seats for each car. In Texas, it is the law.

PrincessMom 3 years ago

and “transitional” rocking crib thingies and Coach diaper bags and bottles that have 3 or 4 parts

Ang 3 years ago

Haha

Ang 3 years ago

Pee pee tee pees dumbest effing thing EVER!! Throw a wipe on it. Have the clean diaper open and ready to go. To much pressure on little ones belly it’s a wrap.

rachel 3 years ago

Bumbos are useless!!!!! WTF?? Babies have been sitting up for ages without those stupid things. I bought one for my son and he hated it. He cried whenever I put him in it. Plus the rubber they are made out of is always freezing. Total waste of money!

Heather M 3 years ago

trust me when i say this, go with outfits that have zippers. they are so much easier to deal with especially at 3 am in the dark. Also, the dresses with elastic bottoms are geniusly easy for newborns. my little guy is 11 weeks and it’s a struggle to get the snaps to go together properly in his nether region while he’s all squirmy after a diaper change.

Lisa 3 years ago

LOL, we actually have and use a few of those items. I totally agree about the shoes, clothes and the bumbo seat.
Thankfully we never bought shoes and only bought a few newborn size clothes, but yeah, we got suckered in to buying a bumbo. Complete waste of money.

Tiffany 3 years ago

Good to know! Thanks!

Ang 3 years ago

We had twins the second time. Used cloth diapers as a pee pee teepee. Also, yes 2 bath tubs. We have a garden tub, so would put both in their tubs in it with their older brother in the middle. All 3 in the tub at the same time didn’t have to wonder what the others were up to. Had a triple stroller which was a bitch to maneuver but let me have a life.

Ericka 3 years ago

I don’t care what other moms comment on how bad of a mom u r. But I F’ing LOVE ur blogs and everything u have to say! U tell it how it is not caring what anyone has to say or judge about. I wish I would have read this 9 month ago! Way b4 I had my little guy!

Julie 3 years ago

Oh come on, everyone knows you need a Bumbo so you can put your baby in it on the kitchen table, go take a shower and then sue the company when your baby falls out…

Ha. I actually loved the Bumbo (not for THAT reason), I used it for feeding as well and as a portable high chair at friend’s houses etc.

Everything else is bang on though!!! :)

K 3 years ago

I was terrified to put anything over my guys head for the first three months. But I found that the Carter’s onsies were stretchie enough that I could slip them on over his bum and pull them up!

Natasha 3 years ago

OMG!!!! I have not laughed so hard in a long time! I love the way you write. You are right on point with this one, though. As a first-time mom, I did most of these things. Luckily, I got them as part of my baby shower, but I would’ve bought them if I didn’t get them all there. The only thing that I used (past the first 24 hours) is the baby bathtub. As irritating as it is to find a place to store that huge thing, it is a lifesaver to save some water and some time. Call it the lazy side of me. Great post!

MILF Runner 3 years ago

Never mind that babies don’t walk or that it’s hard to get shoes onto them. It fucking HURTS when they kick you if they have shoes on. It hurts even if they aren’t shod. And your baby WILL kick you.

Marie 3 years ago

I agree bout everything cept the Bumbo, both kids loved it and then I sold it off so I didn’t have to spend all that much on it, win.

HouseTalkN 3 years ago

Baby #1 had all of these things, even the wipes warmer! By #4, she was lucky to have her own carseat.

Ashley 3 years ago

You’re supposed to put them in the kitchen sink. Much bigger, and easier to clean before and after the bath. I’m one of 4 and we were all bathed in the kitchen sink until we were old enough to bathe together.

dana 3 years ago

Thank God I’m not the only one! I called it the bumbo pot. My son would really be in it for less than 5 minutes and poop. And yes, I’d almost always have to do a load of laundry afterward.
On that note: cloth diapers. I do more loads of shitty laundry when I use disposables than if he’s in cloth diapers. You get a liner and flush, simple.

dana 3 years ago

I’ve gotten poop and spit up on EVERY POSSIBLE thing. Rug, clothing, towels, wall, you name it, it’s been pooped and piked on. I have NEVER had staining issues. You run a load of laundry immediately, warm wash cold rinse. Wash at the same temperature it originated and you’ll be fine. Unless you formula fed? That can peel paint. It smells like fart going IN.

Tiffany 3 years ago

We’re having a spring baby, so these might not be a good idea, might get too hot. at least with diaper shirts we have options…

Annette Djuric 3 years ago

Thank you for posting this. I loved it all. I have a friend and she is always talking about all of the cute designer cloths she is gathering for her unborn child. She has spent a total of 750. on it so far. And she is not rich at all. We are not so close but we do not talk from time to time. I asked her if she has got any diapers. Her answer is that she has 3 more months and that is not a major concern at this point. And she was thinking of the cloth diaper route. I have two kids and I am so glad that I have found this site because it is so helpful to me and with my friend I want to tell her so bad what I really think. It just wouldn’t help, I fear. I know we tend to go overboard with the first kid. But I came from a family of hand me downs and my first child had allot of donations. Like 10 bags. And I have to say the bumbo seat. My daughter never had one. I was given one at my shower for my second. And it is useless. I think that it is best to hold your child and teach them without one. I used it until he was able to wriggle and move his way out of it. (5 and 1/2 months. And he would also topple over because it was so light weight. My kids preferred tummy time. Well that’s all for now. Thank you again.

Kelley 3 years ago

I agree with all except the bumbo. Loved the bumbo for my son who was constantly constipated. I tried so many remedies & exercises but the bumbo was the only thing that consistently worked. The combination of the upright posture, gravity & the pressure of him being crammed in there achieved success in under 60 seconds. Only downside was it usually involved a huge assplosion that required a bath for clean up!

Ninja Mom 3 years ago

“Well, at least that cute leopard-print onesie with the Burberry trim is soooo adorable maybe no one will notice that your child is headless.”

Fave line.

Most relatable moment? Wipes Warner’s = pussy butt.

Mwah!

sarah 3 years ago

they are called sleepers.. the kind that button all the way down one leg so you have a hell of a time getting the other leg in., some have zippers that have the same issue

Klaudia Maksa 3 years ago

Review of the book “Confessions of a Scary Mommy” in Polish, of course

Christina Rodriguez 3 years ago

Never had a wipe warmer, Bumbo, or anything fancy for my kids. Did have car seats and had to keep my youngest in one until she turned 8 because of the stupid ticket I got. I don’t know how I survived since they never had car seats until the eighties. We used the crib quilt on the floor so the babies could play until they could sit up and crawl. I also never bought canned baby food or a ‘baby food maker’ for mine. My oldest daughter screamed when she noticed that her food looked totally different than ours. I just adjusted what we ate until she got older. She’s thirteen now.

Holly 3 years ago

I have noticed a couple things you forgot on your list. Those little hand mittens so they don’t scratch their eyes out and the hats that come with them. Ya know, the hats u keep putting on over and over again because every time ur kid moves their head the damn things fall off.

Virginia Llorca 3 years ago

3 young moms chatting in junction of mall ways, all with strollers sporting Coach logo fabric. Further comments not PC.

Kara 3 years ago

Just ask everyone for clothes in the next size up. With 2 older ones, we did NOT need any toys for this one. I asked for 6-9 month clothes and ended up getting a crap load of 3-6 clothes (that will only fit for a month at most) and toys. Thank God Kohl’s took it all back. Got an $80 gift card that I can now go buy the right size clothes.

Kara 3 years ago

I have a wipe warmer. It came free and won’t BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN. In fact most women have a wipe warmer, they just don’t know it. Just stick the wipe in your bra for a few seconds. It will thaw those wipes that you have been keeping in your car in the -50 degree weather in a matter of seconds. If that doesn’t work, just hold it in your hand (this works for men too).

Kristin 3 years ago

We’re expecting our second child in about 8 weeks and every time I walk into Target I repeat this entire list to myself so I don’t spend money on stupid but REALLY cute stuff I KNOW we’re not going to use.

Guerrilla Mom 3 years ago

Agreed. That Bumbo thing is totally stupid.

Kelly 3 years ago

If we waited until our sink was empty or clean enough to bathe a baby in, baby would never get a bath. At least with the baby tub, the only thing we have to do is fill the g.d. thing. It’s always ready!
One thing we could not live without is the rock-n-play sleeper – best thing ever. Baby slept in that in our room for the first month. It’s smaller than a pack-n-play so baby is cozy. Also partially upright for those congested, snoring babies. Love it! :)
We did pass on the diaper genie, wipes warmer, bottle warmer, & Bumpo thingy. Should have passed on the pacifiers – baby is having NOTHING to do with them. Tried three different kinds. Just survived baby’s first xmas — is it wrong to suggest to people skip the presents and maybe help us pay for daycare or save for college instead?? Already feeling buried by baby stuff, lets add a bunch of obnoxious toys. Gah…

RachW 3 years ago

I agree with everything! Except both baby and I love the baby bathtub. It’s worked great for us but you are totally right about how inconvenient it is to store! Hubby hates it. 😉

Bedding and bumbos and diaper warmers… All things I resisted and told people not to bother buying me! Fitted crib sheets, sure! Fancy bumpers and quilts, no thanks! Although we had some beautiful handmade quilts that are perfect for tummy time. :)

Mary 3 years ago

My girls are 12 and 8, so didn’t have to deal with Bumbo and obviously pee pee tents. Totally agree with the bedding sets. My girls slept in the bouncy seat next to our bed for the first four months. Then we had three fitted crib sheets total for the crib. When they were finally old enough for a blanket, we threw one on them from our stash of 8 million handmade blankets that everyone seems to think babies need. Which they don’t.
I would add Diaper Genie to the list. After two months we sold it. We threw wet diapers straight in the trash in the garage. Poopy diapers were tied up in the plastic bags that newspapers were delivered in.

dms 3 years ago

This grandma found this generally hilarious – just for editorial accuracy – the turds get flushed down the toilet and THEN the cloth goes into the washer. Having said that, baby two – now all grown – was in disposables.

Phoenix 3 years ago

I just wanted to say that I have used my wipe warmer a total of… *clickity clacking on a calculator*

ONE time.

It was a freezing cold night, and I wiped my one-year-old’s butt with a cold wipe. She screamed and cried an threw a fit!

So I dug the damn thing out of the closet, plugged it in, to use for the next diaper change.

When the next diaper change came around, I took a wipe out, and it seemed like a good temp. Until my disapproving daughter threw another fit.

So I just took a cold wipe, warmed it up between my hands, and that was apparently the perfect temp for her pampered little butt.

And I’m not kidding when I say that I never had to do all of this again, because it hasn’t gotten that cold again. :/

Lynell 3 years ago

I didn’t get any of that crap with either of my kids, except the baby bath tub, but the boy hated it so we just took him in the shower with us until he could sit up and play on his own. My daughter got all the hand-me-downs, so she didn’t get anything cool either. Hell, we didn’t even get a crib. We just had a pack-‘n-play that we use after they’ve outgrown the bassinet. Also, we skipped the toddler bed completely for a bunk bed. What is the point of spending $300 on a bed that’s only going to last 2 years tops?

jd 3 years ago

Conversely, one thing I didn’t have at first that did help a lot: a swing. We’re down with Dr. Sears, but unlike Mrs. Sears, sometimes I need to not hold a baby. Like for instance when I go to my own job.

Our kid’s head was frighteningly small (it’s catching up), so the clothes over the head thing was never a problem for us. I agree with many of the others — the adorable whale bath we bought is going to Goodwill before I have my next baby. Our wipes warmer and Bumbo were well-meaning gifts (so I’m hanging on to them for a while…), but I’ve never even plugged in the warmer, and the fact that you’re not supposed to put the Bumbo on a table made it seem pretty useless. If he was on the floor, he was on his tummy.

Like epidural-free childbirth, I loved the idea of cloth diapering, before I had to do either. I bought like five sets of cloth diapers before the baby was born. And then when we got him home from the hospital, where we’d learned to function with disposables, I never found the time to put the little lining parts with the the cute little outer layer parts there by the changing table where I’d need them. Never wanted to persuade my husband to help process extremely soiled linens in a timely and hygienic fashion to Save The Earth, either. We bike to work. That’ll have to suffice for now.

K 3 years ago

Can I add that by the time you get to baby #3 the need for a fancy baby bag goes out the window..I could do wonders with a tote bag, 2 diapers , a ziploc bag with a few wipes, 1 change of clothes, a bottle (once she started bottle feeding) and a toy…less crap to cart around

Jenn 3 years ago

Clothes. Holy shit, tell people not to get you clothes. I got piles of cute things for my son and he rarely wore any of them. Especially not the adorable, but totally impractical, jean jacket.

Toys. Given the choice between the recycling bin and his toy box, he’ll pick the empty milk jug and an old medicine bottle every damn time. My mom is all pissed at me that he won’t play with the obnoxious talking dog she gave him. Like it’s my fault he’d rather eat Kleenex and chew on dirty socks raided from the laundry (guess who just toddled by with a nylon in his mouth).

Baby Bullet, baby food storage cups, and anything like it. Guess what: those fancy OXO baby food cups shatter if dropped out of the freezer. So do the $0. 50 Glad ones. Use silicon ice cubes trays instead because later they can actually make non-baby stuff.

Girly diaper bag. Want your husband to carry the diaper bag and go out with your baby without you sometimes? A giant floral bag will guarantee you’re the only one schlepping it.

Amanda 3 years ago

I’m still laughing and can’t quite quit. This is freakin hilarious! Love it!

autumn 3 years ago

I agree with Erika Marie and Leigh Ann. We used ours for a high chair.

Jenni 3 years ago

Herein lies the reason I feel lucky that the husband and I were the last ones on each side of the family to have a baby. I knew enough not to get a fancy bedding sets (even now, Rolling Dude only has 2 crib sheets), and wipes warmers (seriously?!). Most of his clothes were hand-me-downs, except for maybe 5 outfits and Rolling Dude is 5 months old. However, my husband built the crib (he researched safety specs online and discovered why so many cribs get recalled) and he built it to standard size. After we purchased a mattress, we discovered that it was 1″ too short/narrow all the way around. I used a secondhand bumper (I got a lot of stuff at Salvation Army) to wedge between the mattress and the crib frame. No suffocation hazard, it looks pretty cute, and he won’t roll between the mattress and the frame. Win-win!

Murphy must have had kids 3 years ago

Karen, thank you for the morning laugh! And for writing this post before me. You’re funnier than I am anyways. :)

Yusra 3 years ago

LOVE this list. Made me feel so ahead of the curve when I looked at the stuff I passed on when my twins were born. OK, so in reality, we were too damn broke and unsure how the hell we were going to pay for two kids instead of one to go to daycare, so our beautiful first born children got a craigslist crib and a baby nursery that still hasn’t been finished (they’re four now). I will say we splurged on the baby bathtub and they did have lots of clothes that went over their heads. As for the carseat — they survived. J/K of course. 😉 Love your site.

Common Sense Mom 3 years ago

The Bumbo is great. Just don’t post any photos of your child actually using it before he/she can actually sit up…because using a Bumbo before they can sit up on their is bad for their spines….and you will catch an ear full!!

Brandy 3 years ago

God, those stupid pee-pee tee-pees! My MIL was all into that trendy crap for her grandchild and went on and on about them. The first time I tried to use one, it wouldn’t stay on because my son was wiggling so much. I spent more time trying to keep that darn thing on! We trashed them and stuck with the putting a wipe over the junk trick.

Common Sense Mom 3 years ago

Oh the wipes warmer. Whatever the liquid is in baby wipes, it is chemically designed to drop 45 degrees of temperature the very instant you pull it out of the wipes warmer. I’m not kidding, within 2 nanoseconds of you peeling a toasty wipe out of the warmer it is cold enough to wrap around your 5 year old’s yogurt tube to keep it a safe temperature. Forget ice in your beer cooler, try pre-heated baby wipes instead for a frosty brew.

Yes, the wipes warmer does warm the wipes, just as long as you leave them in the warmer.

Exhaustomom 3 years ago

It has been almost 14 years since my last baby and I have no idea what a bumbo is, but I wholeheartedly agree with this list. I still remember all of the senseless baby thing that I bypassed or witnessed other douchey type moms buy because they thought they were essentials.the baby bathtub is my favorite on the list. You will kill your back if you put into the tub to fill it and use it, then it must be emptied, stored and kept clean. The sink saves your back. I used to put a baby forming spongey thing I found for about 5 bucks in the sink and bathe my kids that way.I also used to purchase lots of baby and toddler clothes at resale shops. They get pooped and barfed on anyway, I had a good friend who thought the clothes were somehow not sterile enough ,even when washed to be good enough for her baby…the one thing I have seen today that I wish had been invented when mine were babies is that awesome grocery shopping cart seat cover that encapsulated the entire seat and cart handle. That would have been wonderful to have!

Nicole(Whole Strides) 3 years ago

It’s true. By baby number two, we way cut back. Except we did do cloth diapers, so there was that. But not the point. We found we didn’t buy a lot of “stuff.”

I’m a nut about carseats, though. My almost 11 year old is still in a booster, huzzah!

MommyChimera 3 years ago

OMG You are sooo my heroin today!! As a first time mom I have been looking at all this stuff and been over-whelmed with all the BS.. I mean.. cool baby stuff in Babies R Us *whistles innocently* and thinking my mother NEVER used any of this and I turned out fine! My mother was all google eyed and drooling over all the cool gadgets and like “we’ll get this and this and this and….”! Don’t get me wrong, my nursery looks awesome with its matching paint, painted murals and crib but my son isn’t gonna be in there for the first how ever long due to my hubby putting a bassinet in our own room (he’s nuts).. Anyway Thank YOU!!! for the laugh and honesty! And for real!! Who needs a car seat 😉

Amy 3 years ago

As far as the baby clothes go, you can include piss yellow, vomit green, and sweet potato orange

occumommy 3 years ago

I agree with most of this, however the bumbo seat made things a lot easier when the youngest was sick of being on his back and one of the older kids needed my attention. I could put him in the bumbo with a toy and get done what needed done without the baby screaming.

Shawnna 3 years ago

Haha, after 2 kids I finally realized what I did and didn’t need for my 3rd. Little princess is technically hubby’s 2nd but the first he’s had the pleasure of experiencing from pregnancy to birth and so forth so you can imagine what it was like baby shopping for her. He wanted the wipes warmer, the best of the best in baby furniture and even wanted the damn diaper geninie.(Had it with my first and I stopped using it after the first 8 months cause the damn baggy things got too expensive and it didn’t help with the smell.) I told him plastic shopping bags are just as effective and free. To compromise I did tell him if he wanted any of the “useless crap” he could put it on our baby registry. Do you know we got almost everything we asked for….including the darn spa bath. Little princess is spoiled.

Erika Marie 3 years ago

I used my Bumbo for feeding! Loved it!

Stephanie 3 years ago

BAHAHA! By the way, I have three (count ’em, THREE) lovely crib quilts I now have NO IDEA what to do with. At least one’s got a 4″ rip in it from our cats. That one I don’t have to worry about.

jenn 3 years ago

Pregnoid….hahahha, I love it!

Leigh Ann 3 years ago

Loved the Bumbo! We actually had a different brand. I used it as a a makeshift high chair for feedings for all my kids. I don’t think it helped them sit, but it was a good source of entertainment, since the ones we had came with a tray and an attachable toy.

Kayla 3 years ago

Hilarious! And i agree on all points. Especially the stupid wipes warmer. All mine ever did was dry out all the wipes. It was awful. I do have one of those fancy double strollers but it was bought used for under 50 bucks and it took me a week and lots of googling to figure out how to work the damn thing.

stacie 3 years ago

Bahaha LOVE IT!! Had everything imaginable for the first kid. The 4th….well she lived in zip up sleepers and car seat?!? Hell we didn’t even leave the house!

Tiana 3 years ago

I’m still giggling. I read it to my husband who laughed. I just have the one kid, but I bought a ton of stuff off craigslist. I found if you don’t use it, the husband doesn’t get as upset as if buying it new. I’ll say this though, it pays to have wealthy, emotionally detached family members. They tend to over compensate with expensive toys, clothes, and strollers. Thanks for your blog. I feel less alone now. lol

Katlin 3 years ago

Crib bedding…I would only have needed that if I had a crib. Every single one of my three babies slept tight next to me…now if I could only get them out. It is kinda cramped in a queen size been with eight, six and four year olds laying claim to your pillow.

And that fancy stroller comes with a lot of straps too. First walk we took with our newborn I clipped her in like we were on a roller coaster. Funny thing was newborns don’t really move much, and those straps are hard to unclip when they are screaming about who knows what.

But no baby bath tub…What! You mean to suggest I put their little naked bum in toothpaste globs? No way!

Sili 3 years ago

This is the best friggin list I’ve ever read. Sharing with all my pregnoid friends now.

Christy 3 years ago

I absolutely LOVE you! Thank you for your honesty. I agree with everything above! Thank you for keeping it real and telling it like it is! I will come to you for all advice from now on!

Amanda 3 years ago

I had twins. I was given two baby tubs, neither of which came with receipts or with the barcode still attached and neither of which would even nest together. Where did my boys bathe? In the bathtub while my husband held them because they both HATED the baby bathtubs.

DiscoDeb 3 years ago

What is it with SM and the vitriol towards cloth diapers? Who in the world would put a turd in their washer instead of the toilet?
Anyway, I keep telling new moms to not spend money for their fetus on anything that is “cute”, because it won’t be with a layer of spitup on it. But no one listens to me. One of my friends got a white rug for her baby’s nursery. Fool!
And YES to not putting stuff over a baby’s head. For the first 2 months, my kid lived in zip-up sleepers and kimono-style tops.

mommagem 3 years ago

cloth (stupid computer likes to delete words on me) I used Cloth

mommagem 3 years ago

haha I used and um yea do know you have to rinse the poop off first right? and they have these things called liners that make the job SOOOO much easier! but as far as the Car seat things goes I totally get that I mean WHY are there so freaking many choices! they should all come with a brown amoeba pattern whats up with all the bells a whistles it’s a seat that goes into the back of your car that your child is going to demolish on the ride home and newsflash it’s going to be covered by blankets 99% of the time!

lesbomom 3 years ago

I had a fancy stroller with the car seat attachment and the cupholder and the sunglasses holder…but I’ll be damned if that stuff didn’t break right off. And the cupholder became a bottle holder. And when did I ever take my sunglasses off?? If they weren’t on my head they were keeping my hair out of my face!!! That being said…my grandmother bought it because I was her favorite.

Wipes warmer schmipes schmarmer. :)

I will disagree with your statement about cloth – I didn’t put turds in my washer. Those went down the toilet like they are supposed to. Even disposable diaper packages say to flush the turds down the toilet. But – to each their own – cloth is not for everyone. Heck – somedays I WISHED it wasn’t for me. :)

And I did have the fancy bedding set. It was adorable. The frog king. Too bad Munchkin co-slept. Hmmmm

Tiffany 3 years ago

You mean I bought a car-seat for nothing? Damn!

For reals though, most of these things sound about right to me too, and I still haven’t had the little squirmer yet! But for the newborns, are there outfits that don’t go over the head??

Allie 3 years ago

I don’t plan on having any more kids, hell no! But I find new moms amusing sometimes and down right cute. I wasn’t so might as well say they are.

I bought that wipes warmer. It warmed the bottom half of the wipes not the top. And as I got further down in the pile, they got outright hot! I chucked that thing fast.

I do need you to clarify the no car seat. I know there are stages of car seats etc. And I do know here in CA you must have a car seat or car whatever to hold you child into until they are like 12 and 80 pounds, it’s crazy, I know. (I may be exaggerating but not much.)

What is it called that you put your baby in when they are newborns? You can’t just hold them, right?

~Allie

sara 3 years ago

I agree with them all… NONE of them are needed. just for the mommies that like to compete in the “who’s mommy has more money” competition. WHO CARES IF YOUR STROLLER WAS 500$!!

Mandi 3 years ago

I know the wipes warmer isn’t necessary, but it’s nice to have, my baby is alot like me and has always gotten cold very easily, she was always shivering…so my MIL bought us a wipes warmer, made diaper changes alto nicer for my small baby. :)
The rest I agree with, completely pointless. Especially that damn car seat, who needs em. ! 😛

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

Where were you when I had babies? I bought shoes. Cute look like little leather boots shoes.

Then I tried to put them on.

Did you know babies have this magical ability to do something to their foot that completely blocks that shoe from going on? The foot seems all rubbery and flexible but no, it’s actually formed into the exact shape that will never ever go into a shoe. Once you think you are almost there something makes them giggle and when the giggle they kick their feet so the half on shoe flies right back off.

I spent half an hour, a lot of curses and some major sweat trying to get just ONE on. After that – my kids just wore slippers.