Your Penis Won’t Fall Off And Other Things Boys Should Know

Your Penis Won't Fall Off

My dearest sons,

You know the dangly appendage that occupies your thoughts and/or your hands for a large percentage of the day? Well, as a concerned mother, I feel it’s my duty to enlighten you on the subject of your penis.

Now, never having been in possession of one myself, I can’t be considered an outright expert, but I’d like to think that my experience raising you counts for something. After all, I’ve seen enough nakedness around this piece to rival any nude resort. So, for you, and any other boys out there, here are nine things you should know about your penis.

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1. Relax; Your penis won’t fall off.  It will stay right there in your pants (provided you’re wearing any), so you can stop clutching it while you watch TV and falling asleep with it in your fingers. In fact, it will be with you for the rest of your life, so maybe you should think about being a little less rough with it.

2. One exception: Having a firm grip on it is encouraged – and preferred – when using the toilet. It’s floppy, and when you don’t have it under control, you spray like a leaky hose.

3. Keep it in your drawers, ok? (This is a piece of advice that will have a different, but equally significant, meaning during your teen years – so don’t forget it.) There’s really no need to lay it on your brother’s arm. Or dip it in your chocolate milk. Or poke it through the hole of a DVD. Or wrap it around your eating utensils. Or your pencil. Or your brother’s pencil.

4. It might not hurt you when you stretch it out ten miles long like it’s made of rubber, but it hurts me just looking at it, so stop.

5. On rare occasions, you may actually let go of it in order to grasp something else. Like a sandwich, or your brother’s face. In the event of such occasions, hand-washing before you touch anything else is the courteous (and sanitary) thing to do.

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6. It’s not the end of the world when it’s facing the wrong way or bunched up in your underwear. No need for a meltdown.

7. It’s handy and portable and all that, but just because you can pee anywhere doesn’t mean you should.

8. If you’re gonna stretch/dangle/pull/twist/twiddle or otherwise manhandle (boy-handle?) it, please do so in your room and spare us all a little awkwardness. Please.

9. I’ve seen it a million times, so there’s no need to waggle it in my direction after your bath, nor make it dance and jump around by thrusting around like Elvis with a hula hoop. (This also goes for your dad, so pass that tidbit along.)

I’m hoping this letter will serve as a handy reference to the proper penile etiquette, and that you’ll start having a little ding-dong dignity.

You’ll thank me later… or at least your wife will.

Lots of love,

Related post: 10 Things Never to Say to a Mom Expecting Another Boy

About the writer


Rita Templeton is a writer and mom to four lively, imaginative little boys. She lives in Davenport, Iowa, where she maintains her sanity by blogging at Fighting off Frumpy (and occasionally locking herself in her closet with a box of cookies). Come say hi on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

From Around the Web


Jeff 4 months ago

ignorant and sexist by saying “HARDLY the same thing”

Alyssa 4 months ago

My son’s turning seven and we taught him about privacy at the age of four… So I haven’t run into any these problems. He’ll actually do anything he can to keep me from walking in on him.

Ash 4 months ago

Aw, I straight up cried. Hilarious, especially #3 which completely describes my four year old.

Dan 5 months ago

Dear Ladies — I’d like to correct a very common misconception. MOST of the time when we guys miss the toilet, it is NOT because we’re being careless with our aim. You may not have this issue, but, sometimes, our pee hole gets stuck together. Yes, that’s right. It’s not uncommon that when we first start to urinate, the urine does not come out in one straight stream. Sometimes it shoots right. Sometimes it shoots left. Sometimes, get this… it comes out as two streams — in two different directions!!! It takes us a moment or two to correct our aim and hit the target.

Rather than yell at your boys (or your husband) for being careless, you’d be better off telling them to wipe up the floor and around the toilet. Or get a standing urinal installed. Then you’d never have to complain about the toilet seat being left up.

Just thought you should know.

Brian 5 months ago

The high rate of circumcision is the U.S. may be an important factor in this issue. I know it’s not the only cause. My 3 boys are whole, and did do this a little. What curious boy wouldn’t? But it’s heartbreaking to read descriptions of the effects on the sensitivity of the penis because of circumcision: extremely high sensitivity when young because the protective hood has been removed, and decreased sensitivity in older age from constant exposure to the remaining sensitive parts. Please keep our boys intact and spare them the struggles of the effects of this unnecessary removal of an extremely important body part.

Marisa 5 months ago

I have a pretty bad habit of reaching in and grabbing a big ole handful of boob to wrangle that bra into place. I’ll most likely teach my son the value of discretion (and practice a little myself) but not outright refrain. In my world if it’s a quick over the clothes fix, step to the side and turn around. If it’s an itch or something more time intensive, head to the bathroom AND WASH HANDS. When the over-the-shoulder-Boulder-holder is askew, something must be done or I’ll go crazy. It’s probably the same for you crazy kids with the swingy dingy.

Ray 5 months ago

Yeah, well, I have seen women adjust their sweaty labias in public. Women are humans just the same as men. You all sweat and have the same bodily functions….don’t get me started on all the gross and impolite things I have seen women do.

Ray 5 months ago

I am so sick and tired of this ‘women are innocent and me are pigs’ stereotype. Not all men sexualize women and not all women are perfect little angels. Case in point, the thousands of female teachers who rape their male students.

mindy 5 months ago

OMG! My son, who is 3 years old, feels the need to hold onto his 24/7/365!!!! Boys are gross. Lol But I do love my son. I try to tell him it’s not going anywhere but he just won’t listen. This article had me cracking up out loud. Love it!!!

Anne 5 months ago

Understanding all that, the fact it can be really uncomfortable and men (& boys) will continue to do it regardless of what women say to complain about it. I think the point of #6 might be that you can readjust and fix the issue but that the entire world doesn’t need to be made aware of the situation. Teaching that you can let your Mom or Dad know without needing to start crying about it, at the end of the day you’d think it was an issue that could be corrected fairly easily with some simple re-positioning.

Also as far as the standpoint of hygiene is concerned, what bothers me isn’t even the act necessarily but how men just keep on keeping on when they’re done. I’ve been out with guys, my own DF does it, where they adjust say, during dinner, and then go back to eating, potentially touching their food after touching their penis. Or reaching to hold my hand, or touching their face (itching nose, rubbing eyes) and all I can think of is the ball sweat on their hand now being transferred about like it’s nothing. If I touch my genitals I wash my hands, be it in the bathroom or sexually or even to make any underwear adjustments. And if I need to make those underwear adjustments I do so in a bathroom not in public view of everyone.

I agree sometimes you need to adjust, male or female, but there’s a big difference between pulling up/on a bra strap and outright touching/moving your genitals. The latter requires hand-washing, and as much discretion as possible. It’s not to shame men, fully accepting that sometimes it’s necessary to adjust, but cleanliness is important and so is respecting other people around you, strangers who might not want to bear surprise witness to the casual shove of one’s hands down one’s pants as they wiggle their private parts into submission. Necessary does not mean you can’t be polite & respectful. If a woman needs to do a full breast adjustment I would expect no less from her that she would shift herself in as private a location as possible, again bathrooms are an excellent spot for this.

rneill2012 6 months ago

I was a huge fan of this page until I saw one of the most disturbing and disgusting comments after the penis blog. You should really edit and police your posts a lot better. You have someone on here talking about her “special relationship” with her son and being graphic about it. I will never read anything on this sight again!!!

BHoe 7 months ago

Well uh, number 5 is kinda silly. Penises aren’t dirty, provided you don’t rub them in dirt throughout the day. You bathe, and put on clothes, then it’s kept in a little pocket of cleanliness basically all day. It’s not anymore “unsanitary” than your ears, or your chest, or your knees. I feel like this is promoting a “willies are dirty” mindset, so maybe a rephrase would be nice :v I don’t wash my hands after going to the #1 because my hands don’t touch anything dirty, and if I’m in a public washroom I don’t touch any handles or knobs anyways

April G 7 months ago

My son never did much with his penis… thankfully.

Idmx303 7 months ago

You made my day! How funny. Although mine is at ISU I can still remember the days when I wanted to utter a few of these…… Thanks for the laugh :)

Justin M. Bird 7 months ago

Men give as much attention to their penis as women give to their image, and for the same reason.

Libby 7 months ago

my son, 25 years ago…”look mommy, a snake!”

Ange 7 months ago

My son is two and a half and I swear this written about him. I feel like a parrot everyday saying get your hands out of your pants. He is obsessed with it.

Liz Porter 7 months ago

LOL! All the things I have to look forward to

Josh Wellman 7 months ago

Clearly written by someone without a penis…

Nikki Marvin 7 months ago

This is so funny! My son is 3… It’s just so spot on!

Angela Welch Courteau 7 months ago

aww lawdy if only……..(shakes head)

Janet McCormack 7 months ago

It might fall off if you cheat on the one who really loves you and then lie about it

Ginger DeWitt 7 months ago

So stinking funny!

Ingrid Gretchen Sjoberg 7 months ago

SO glad I have girls.

Dana Salzillo 7 months ago

Lmfao! Omggg!

Jason 7 months ago

Because who knows more about being a Boy than a grown woman……

Tara Jill Schryer Ecker 7 months ago

Just wait if you have a boy…….I have another story from last night it just keeps getting better and better! :-)

Tiberius Adams 7 months ago

#6 is a lie!!! It matters more than anything

Eulie Embry 7 months ago

My desire to have a little boy just disappeared, LOL!

D’Arcy Ann Pryciak 7 months ago


He’s planning hunting trips when puberty hits.

Carla Marie 7 months ago

I’m sure your hubby’s not.

Diane Cormier Balzano 7 months ago

Waiting for the penis envy joke from the rogue fellas reading this….

Morgan Suyazo 7 months ago

So great!

Jessica Ramirez Ruiz 7 months ago

Haha! Love this!

Courtney Costigan Mamone 7 months ago

So funny, and true!!!!!

Sarah Travaglione 7 months ago

So true! All of it!

Joan Cunningham Adams 7 months ago

We also have to remind him periodically to go easy on it because it has to last a lifetime.

Joan Cunningham Adams 7 months ago

My then 7 yr old came running out to his dad crying, ” daddy, daddy my penis is swollen and it feels like it’s going to explode!” My husband failed in his daddy duties to explain why this happens. My son went and got an ice pack to put on it and took one Motrin tablet because in our house Motrin fixes everything.

Kendra Fritz 7 months ago

4. Seriously.

Aleshia Prosser 7 months ago

my middle child used to do that… I told him stop playing with that its not a toy and he replied “yeah it is, its a train!”

Christina Harvie-Medlam 7 months ago

LOLz SOOO true >_< (goes for a lot of “grown-up” boys too! 😉 )

Shelby Taylor 7 months ago

My husband is worse than my sons lol

Jenni Wiles 7 months ago

So funny……and true! Two boys – ages 6 and 3 1/2 :)

Elena Hazard 7 months ago

I kind of love how much my son loves his body and everything it does. Part of me hopes he never stops marveling at his parts, while the rest of me realizes this would likely limit him job-wise.

Sarah Jackson 7 months ago

As a mom of three boys, I’m dying!!!

Megan Zrna 7 months ago

Thank god it’s not just me! Boys!!!!!

Kate White 7 months ago

My 19 month of son sticks his hands in his underwear and runs around the house saying tickle tickle tickle. Ooooo boys

Janiece Pritchard 7 months ago

Oh dear God, I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. My husband actually giggled while I read this to him!

Tina Katharina 7 months ago

Mother of daughters – yet hilarious! Thank you!

Sandra Koller 7 months ago


Kim Hapcook Sfreddo 7 months ago

Omg #6!!!!

Donna Melim 7 months ago


Daniel Hern 7 months ago

You may find that because you ate all so concerned and are making such a big deal of it, that is why it has becone a game for the boys. The other side is EVERY boy does it, Every boy will do it, so get over it!

Lindsay Hale Murdock 7 months ago

Lol. Love this

mommamarchuk 8 months ago

I so want to forward this to my 22 year old son because they all seem to apply still to this day.

Carolyn Wanatee 7 months ago

#2, I mop the WALL around the toilet. 8 months ago

You need a number 10… It’s not big, stand closer to the toilet.

Darlene McDonough 7 months ago

Found myself laughing all the way through this! My son did it all!

Julie Chemberlin Quick Fredrickson 7 months ago

Yea, after 3 boys…sounds about right!

Kim Leslie 7 months ago

Omg, #3 cracked me up!!!!!

Michelle Molesky Laskey 7 months ago

Such a hoot!

Elizabeth Font 7 months ago

Too funny…lmao

Eric Hayman 7 months ago

Mommies… Until you have one, don’t underestimate how big of a deal it is to get it smashed or tangled in your shorts!

Lisa Cote 7 months ago

Bwahaha! I strictly enforced #8….until he came out saying it was bleeding! Took him to the clinic just to find out he must’ve been playing to rough and ripped it a bit. I had to coat the head and foreskin for a week and a half in polysporin! I still bring it up to him and he is now 20 :)

Jackie Swanson 7 months ago

I really needed this today!!!

Tricia Hardy 7 months ago

Omg I’m dying…I have a 5 year old and yup!!

Brianna Choate 7 months ago

Yep…haha my youngest son is always trying new “tricks ” with his….LOL his latest trick he’s discovered is “making it disappear” by taking his finger and pushing on the end, to make it disappear back up into the surrounding skin. He says “Look mama I made it disappear! Cool!” Freaked me out tho when I first seen him do it!lmao and he likes to dance around and make “it” dance too after he’s had a bath…..anything having to do with it is comical to him…..I’m always having to say lol “Privates are called privates for a reason! Put it up, nobody needs to see that!”lol but my oldest won’t ever touch his! Even to pee! Lol so its just difference in personalities.

Magie Szyperski 7 months ago

Definitely agree with number 4

Scottie Ho 7 months ago

That’s too funny!!! I loved and disagreed with #7 😉

Shannon Shields 7 months ago

Omg fits my 2yr old perfectly lol

Meg 8 months ago

This argument got dumb really fast. It seems like everyone kind of agrees that 1) they don’t like to be told how to handle their own body/discomfort and 2) Most people will go out of their way to be “polite” about the necessary adjustments. People have to adjust sometimes, and most of us do it subtly. There are gross people of both genders, but unless they hand me something covered in sweat or crotch fluids, or adjust and immediately go to shake my hand, who cares? It’s not going to hurt you, either way. Just ignore it or laugh. Clothes are uncomfortable.

Alex Parsons 7 months ago

Having you son shout mum over and over at bedtime, to go up to hysterical screaming. I asked him whats wrong ? He said my tail ,its got my tail. I pulled the blankets back to find his penis and nuts wrapped inside the leg mechanism of a power ranger. I prized it off and went to rub the offended area better. Umm hold back , thought well I am not kissing it better thats for sure ! He is 3.9 mths and shreaking holding his tackle. begging me to rub it better, I gently stroke it to have him say ” oh that feels nice ” Maybe not ! So I shouted. hubby and told him to deal with it. Went off giggling to hear son say Dady will you stroke it please :) Never did find out what he was doing with the Power Ranger. But laugh now as never expected to see it pop its head out of his PJ bottoms lol

Karis Hulbert 7 months ago

Fortunately they do slowly grow out of some of these!

Debbie Griffin 7 months ago

I can barely type this thru tears of hysterical laughter. Jessica you came to my mind first.LMAO

Amy Marie Cook 7 months ago

So glad I have a super modest husband, hoping his habits go on to our son. As in good aim, not publicly scratching himself, or just sitting around holding it. Though I do notice it seems like all guys fall asleep holding their junk like it will disappear in their sleep lol.

Bobbie Lawhorn Kirk 7 months ago

My boys when young used theirs as cannons to shoot others. Their penis was their gun.

Jennifer Flynn 7 months ago

oh my goodness ladies. I’m in for a treat. lol

Ashley Hall 7 months ago


Sera Bourdier 7 months ago

They do that??

Nicole Van Hoose 7 months ago


Kylie Russell 7 months ago

My 3yr old is obsessed with his but doesn’t pee everywhere thank god!

Linnea Slemmons Russell 7 months ago

Oh no is this what I’m in for!

Kylie Russell 7 months ago

Well having a son do it 24/7 doesn’t give you much choice lol

Nicole Van Hoose 7 months ago

My older one used to wrap it around his finger. My younger would hold it out as far as it would stretch and then hang things from it. I have a great photo of him with a coat hanger hung over his penis.

Cyndi Sandro 7 months ago

Oh my! Glad I have girls lol

Jane Frazerhurst 7 months ago

I’ve got this one lined up for later. Great minds!!!!

Thomas Dikel 7 months ago

Speaking for the dads in the scarymommy world, just so you know, if you REALLY want to get a guy’s attention, starting a sentence off with “Your penis won’t fall off…” will definitely do the trick.

Sarah Louise Green 7 months ago

I love this especially number 4 and the last one Julian Hansell!!! X

Liza Campoamor Hondros 7 months ago


Madisen Oldfield 7 months ago

Omg. If I had a boy I wouldn’t have known what to do lol

Haley Evans 7 months ago

Story of my life with sons…,

Alison Echevarria 8 months ago

That was my first reaction… As my husband is sitting here (after I read these aloud in his honor) saying “be proud of the peen!”… I’m just sitting here shaking my head, hoping our son doesn’t take after his father!

Taylor Krusinski 8 months ago

I’m surprised that so many woman agree with this, considering that they don’t have a penis. To relate to the experience

Cheryl Heller Flores 8 months ago

2 boys here 12 and 10 and I swear I have said these many many times and yes to my husband too, oh and they still have their hands down their pants and always have to compare.

Linda Osborne 8 months ago

Haha!!!! Oh no, was he?!

Mary Ittak 8 months ago

Before I was a Mom, I was babysitting my nephew when he told me he had a scratch on his penis and he thought it was going to fall off. Talk about being unprepared for a conversation! Luckily I was able to keep him calm until his Mom got home and we could figure out what happened and assure him that it was not going to fall off. Now I have a 3yr old son so hopefully I’ll be ready if faced with it again. LOL

Ashley Lytle 8 months ago

Lol Bethany Ranford my son asked me what were in the bags w on his peepee at 2. Then told any one he met for months after that his pee pee bag had “Popsicles” smh

Bethany Ranford 8 months ago

Yup. I remember when my oldest was 3 and he was shocked to discover there were “marbles” on his “bottom”…the upside, you never have to provide bath toys to boys…they come with one built-in lol

Linda Osborne 8 months ago

Haha!!! This is hilarious and sooooooo true

Mandy Engelbrecht 8 months ago

they never grow out of it, tho son is way better than the soon to be ex husband

Laura Martin Badawy 8 months ago

NO! Girl, girl, girl, girl!!!!

Christina Russ 8 months ago


Shannon Ingraham Thomas 8 months ago

Haha I am still holding it down for the twins. They don’t get it yet. And my hoodie is in the washer right now cause I got peed on before nap….He started before I could point it for him.

Christina Russ 8 months ago

I think I forgot to have the convo about a firm grip when using the toilet

Valinda Buedel-Herrman 8 months ago

Emily, I thought you’d appreciate this!

Kimberly Kleckner 8 months ago

This goes for husbands too right?

Bettyann Norris 8 months ago


Jen 8 months ago

Oh my! I have 3 boys and this is spot on…. Haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

Aggie Schmidt Lawson 8 months ago

Hahaha love this

Kristy Engel 8 months ago

Yep. Story of my life.

Rachael Van Os Morgan 8 months ago

This had me laughing so hard, I had to wipe tears before I could comment. I have two young boys, and I can attest this isn’t just a thing toddler boys do. My youngest is nearly 5, and I swear, his hands are seriously down there nearly all day still. It’s like he’s convinced it’s going to disappear if he doesn’t check on it a hundred times a day. He also feels it’s necessary to compare his with his brother’s lol. Oh, the joys of boys!

Anna Redbourn 8 months ago

Brilliant! Loved this, so true.

Julie DeFrancesco Fletcher 8 months ago

Lol these stories are hilarious! But my 6 year old never messed around with his. Now he doesn’t seem to when I can see, and I don’t care about otherwise!

Rissa MakingitVintage 8 months ago

With my 2 and 3.5 year old, it’s #4 and #9 here all the time! And a couple weeks ago, my 3.5 year old discovered a capillary and freaked! “Mooooom! It’s cracked! It has a crack! Is it going to fall off?!” Total panic. It was HILARIOUS!

Melissa Harris 8 months ago

Hilarious!!! Me and hubby were cracking up! We have two boys and can totally relate to this! We have witnessed the Elvis slash hula hoop many times!

Ashley Lytle 8 months ago

I once walked into the dining room to see my (then) 3 yr old wrapping his penis around a fork like Christmas tree garland.

Ashley Ann Russill 8 months ago

It looks like my son is going rip his off. He’s now doing it to his scrotum so he see behind it. Sometimes he pulls his penis out of his diaper. I tell him we don’t play with our penis in the living room but he doesn’t get it. One day I hope he will stop and he does seem to be doing less so that’s good.

jackie 8 months ago

My son and I have had this talk so many times. I have just given up(he is 8 now). I was hoping he would be a bit more modest but so far no go. He always says it gets “stuck” whenever his dad and I catch him playing with it through his pants.

Rissa MakingitVintage 8 months ago

You better believe it! LOL!

Rebekah Lynn 8 months ago

Omg. My 20 month old is seriously obsessed with his penis. I can’t change him or bathe him without him abusing his peepee Lol now he thinks its funny when I open his diaper to shriek “PEE PEE” and violently grab it. Not sure how that doesn’t hurt, but hey, that’s another body part he can correctly identify, so I take it as a win.

Louise Cockrill 8 months ago

Crying with laughter! Thank you! :)

Jennifer Ahier 8 months ago

My son is three and doesn’t ever touch his penis unless he’s going potty.

Andrea Green Kuieck 8 months ago

You win Facebook today, Scarymommy

Megan Ruse-Sullivan Blamires 8 months ago

I thought mine would tear it off at diaper changing time. Yes, you can get ahold of it. No you should try to tug it up close so you can see it better! :)

Jennifer Flynn 8 months ago

oh whew, ok! lol mine is 4 months and the first boy in the family in years. lol

Mandy Johnson 8 months ago

But i could see the other things happing to other people.

Mandy Johnson 8 months ago

Lol. Well i have two boys that are 9 and 4 and the only real thing have done on this list is thinking they can pee anywhere.

Dina Grooms 8 months ago

Lol, boys

Kimberley Jane Richardson 8 months ago

Love number 9!!!

Jennifer Flynn 8 months ago

this happens?! oh my what I have to look forward to! lol

Cari Vince 8 months ago

Sooooooo true LMAO!!heehee

Christa Gibson 8 months ago

hahahahaha!! L)

Odin 8 months ago

want your child to grow up maladjusted, shamed and uncomfortable with his own body? Follow this advice.

Trs Edwards 8 months ago

so many of these things are just.not.true :/ ~grown-up-male.

Lamarick 8 months ago

Wow, is this average? I don’t remember being so penis-oriented when I was a kid.

Lamarick 8 months ago

Hey, sometimes things get sticky down there and you have to readjust. Though, I usually do so subtly

Terri 8 months ago

Holding a sleeping baby…another boy..another and trying not to laugh out loud.
This is pure gold!!

allison 9 months ago

i think some guys do the whole adjusting thing because they really are having issues down there. maybe theyre wife bought them new underwear and its just not working right you dont know. so cut them some slack, on the other hand theyre are some guys who seem to constantly have their hand on the crotch weather inside or outisde their pants for no real reason and for that i say, ” yes we know you have a penis and balls, no i dont need you to point it out, so get your hands off it unless theyre is an actual issue down there.”

abbie 9 months ago

This is Fantastic! My little one (almost 2) is CONSTANTLY pulling, grabbing, anything to his! It’s slightly awkward for this momma lol

TT Operator 9 months ago

As a young man, reading this article brings me back to my childhood and growing up with this “dangly appendage”. It is a weird but interesting thing that fascinates all young boys in the beginning stage of growing up. But I do remember weird things such as always feeling the need to adjust it (no matter where I was or who was around and watching) and make sure it was always pointed and laying in just the right direction and position. I was also always asked by my family and family friends if I was “playing my air guitar?”. Lol! I imagine it did look like I was strumming a guitar with my one hand while I was constantly “adjusting” myself in my little sweatpants when I was moving it around and adjusting it to be the right way. And yes, I think we all stretched and twisted and even pushed the outside in to itself to make it look like it wasn’t there, then you let go and it looked like a turtle head slowly popping out of the shell! Lol! Little boys are very weird and curious, but (most of the time) we all grow out of this weird phase and fascination with “it”. Although, some habits as a little boy change as you get older and turn in to other habits using the same part. But hopefully everyone does this whole alone now that we are grown and know better. But there are aome rare breeds out there. You never know! Lol!

Ben Jones 9 months ago

Gee, another article where a woman tells men what they should and shouldn’t do with their body parts that they don’t share. Thanks for the info.

kathyann 9 months ago

I don’t know, I think that we’re just jealous of them because they can write their names in the snow with their pee!! :)

Baby boy 9 months ago

Dear Mommy I may be young but I have an instinctual feeling that this appendage will play a significant part in my life as I get I will regularly check to make sure it’s where it belongs and fully functioning .I will check it’s preparedness by pulling, tugging and if need be sticking it wherever I please including my brothers eye. And until you have your penis bunched up in your underwear like poorly made pretzel……don’t judge my reaction .we can continue this conversation about the difference between boys and girls right after my nap
Love your baby boy

Please put the toilet seat up when your done

Summer Lee Mclelland 9 months ago

As a mother of 2 young boys, this literally had me crying I was laughing so hard.!!!!!

Mindi Stillings 9 months ago

I have a 5 year old son. I can really relate to this. It always scares me when he pulls it. He thinks it’s hilarious.

Nancy LoPreto Pohlman 9 months ago

Wow I am so glad we had a girl

Ashley Burnam 9 months ago

Hahaha number 4!!!

Karen Weise 9 months ago

Love it! Last night my youngest pulled his taught & twanged it like a guitar string (whist making guitar noises)… It’s so hard not to laugh

Kimberly Westerman Craft 9 months ago

I just caught my 6 yr old sitting in the bathtub. I said ew quit that!! He laughed I’m still traumatized lmao it’s not rubber !!!

Kaara Moyers 9 months ago

My kindergartener is autistic, and I swear, it’s like a comfort object to him. He’ll grab it at seemingly random times, like it helps him focus when he’s talking. 😛 I always ask if he needs to go potty, and he gets mad and says, “No, I don’t have to go potty! Stop asking me that!” I’m slowly trying to redirect the habit, and telling him that if he wants to touch his private parts, he needs to go to a private place, like the bathroom or his bedroom. I have a feeling it’ll be an ongoing “battle”.

Carlos N Amy-Chris Gomez 9 months ago

LoL :-) …I’m going thru this!!!…….my 2 year old is exploring too. At first I thought; “this isn’t normal” I guess it is after reading the article and comments. Thank you.

Trina Kinney 9 months ago

As a mother of 2 boys I find this so true and hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

Shaye Boucher 9 months ago

An adult female (as in 32 years old) told me her 20 week anatomy scan of her baby showed a penis. I congratulated her on a son. She said, “Not necessarily! The penis could still fall off and make a girl!” I about died. And then realized she was serious…

Scott Webb 9 months ago

It’s a right of passage. Mother Nature designed us this way. We can’t help it. Lol

Juliana Mendrano 9 months ago

With 2 boys in my house, there’s a whole lot of that going on.

Catie Floyd McDermott 9 months ago

This is my life.

Magan Laczny 9 months ago

I love this one and laugh my ass off every time I see it!

Beatrice Leavens Brown 9 months ago

I loved it. I remember all of it. Thak you for the laugh.

Allison Spiva Hunt 9 months ago

I can’t believe how early on the penis stuff starts and never ends. The other day I’m in the kitchen talking to my husband and he’s standing there absentmindedly playing with his wing wang. I say “are you seriously standing in my kitchen playing with your penis?” He says “oh sorry let me go play with it in dining room.”

Cheryl Swaim Stinson 9 months ago

Hahaha! That’s so funny!

Kirstin Gabler Salazar 9 months ago

I really hope I don’t see that wrapped around a pencil or in a glass of milk. Lol.

Rachel Mae Campbell 9 months ago

Good to know my son (2.5 years) is not the only one obsessed.

Samantha Arriaga 9 months ago

I wish my 8 month could read and comprehend #s 4 and 5!!!

Laura Laird 9 months ago

I swear some little (& some bigger) boys need this read to them every day!

Christine Huang 9 months ago

I love this post. Every once in a while, after dealing with the boys, I go back to it for some sanity…and then pour myself a glass of wine.

Ashley Doyle 9 months ago

I loved this!!!!!

Stacey Gunn 9 months ago

My 2 year old recently asked me to put a bandaid on his (since his sister needed a bandaid and heaven forbid he go without!) – We compromised and put one on his knee instead

Ruby Graham 9 months ago

#7 and #9 for sure!

Vicki Mena 9 months ago

Love this!! I deal with number 4 ALL of the time with my two year old!!

jessica 9 months ago

We are currently dealing with number 6. My two year old keeps telling me it is stuck because it moved a bit.

Sherrie Lowery 9 months ago


Cathy Hood 9 months ago

Jane Venter

Nicole Litterst 9 months ago

Too funny

Kristen Nicole 9 months ago

O god! Lol i will die!

April Napoleon 9 months ago

I love this! (Mom of 2 boys)

Doug Roberts-Author 9 months ago

So….I can wrap it around a pencil? Really?

lulu bells 9 months ago

That is both an awesome assumption and a safe one, you have made this comment scroll worth while thank you.
and no its not comfortable but if you have things like the lacy cami that is attached to your bra it makes a semi decent hidden pocket without all the uncomfort of boob sweat.

Kalisto 9 months ago

I found thee article very funny! but most of the comments irritating…
Lets us all not play with our selves in public, have an ‘issue’ find a bathroom and deal with it privately.
Unless you are chasing your small child and something is going to fall out then everyone can go f themselves if they taking issue lol

and to the guys from me ( I don’t know if other woman agree) But ‘ajusting’, Scratching and otherwise putting your have in your crotch in front of me is just as bad as picking your nose. bleh

dorothy 9 months ago

this may change when he is three. The only advise I can give on boys is this,
1. when riding the bus to and from kindergarten make sure he wears Jean shorts with a belt. that will fix the urge to show all the little girls the family jewels.
2. when daddy is out on deployment and your son hits puberty , he will come and tell you that it itches down there , Don’t tell him well your just sweaty from it being hot out go take a cool shower. I had the cleanest 12 yr old that summer. until he talked to daddy on the phone and dad informed mommy to stop telling him to take a shower , hes not sweaty hes growing hiar down there its called puberty . LOL

Jenny 9 months ago

I love this! Reminds me when my boys were super small and one yelled “Mom! I have three penises!” He was maybe 3 or 4 at the time. He was examining himself in the bathtub and counted his penis and two testicles – I had to explain the difference. One of mine also would constantly touch himself while watching TV in the family room in the presence of others. I simply made him go to his room when he did that – he was told that he needed to be in private to do these things. I relate to this article as a Mom.

Mary 9 months ago

My son is no different. He is 4 years old and he embarrasses me so much in public and at home. He would just sit there udjusting his stuff saying it itches. Also at home he would sometimes take his close off and run up to his sister who is 12 and me and show it off.

Catherine 10 months ago

I just read this article to my 10 and 7 yr old boys and we laughed and laughed. well written :)

Jennifer 10 months ago

Very well written! As a mommy to an 8 month old who is starting to discover what’s under his diaper I totally expect more of this lol

crykyt 10 months ago

Yes. Mine is 13 and we seemed to have escaped all of these.

AmeliaJade 10 months ago

I’ve never seen anyone do this, and I was, once upon a time, a cashier. Do women really do this? Because I can’t imagine it would be comfortable to store things in your bra.

I live in Las Vegas–I just automatically assume all money I touch has been in some woman’s g-string.

David DeGuire 10 months ago

Hmmm…. I disagree with a couple of these!

Rachel Concepcion 10 months ago

Lmao oh boy I’m in for it!

LuAnn Braley 10 months ago

My husband sent me the link to this post. :O)

Kristy Hughes 10 months ago

How about peeing on things? My two- almost- three old peed on his pb&j. Still don’t know why. He just wasn’t feeling pb&j that day.

Hdjdjejshden 10 months ago

Only if you eat gluten…

Nancy Ryan 10 months ago

#4 is my favorite!

Martha cruz 10 months ago

that is marvelous!! Having 4 boys of’my own, I remember those days! And my youngest one let me know,,hey mom, you’re the only one In our without a goobie.. YA RECKON? What funny times we experienced.

Stina 10 months ago

What about the “dog-wag”? Flop that thing back & forth!

Michele 10 months ago

Oh, I remember those years! I remember the after bath wagging, sleeping with the hand in his pants and chasing his sister with it. He’s 15 now and very over all that but this article brought back some memories.

kim 10 months ago

My 4 year old is obsessed by his. He likes to play with it, show me it after it has become erect, and exclaims “mommy, my penis is growing” or “it got bigger!!!!!” He is a nudist.

Daniel 10 months ago

When our youngest was 3, he paid a visit to the bathroom where his older sisters were having a bath. A few seconds later he shot out the door with a terrified look on his face, screaming “they’re going to get me with their abaginas”. I thought it was good to instill a little fear on him for teenage years

Peggy Jones 10 months ago

I have two grown boys and I can totally relate to it all. very funny

Nicole Lynn 10 months ago

My 4 year old boy says to me, ” Mommy, YOU have a VAGINA. That means you are a girl.”. Um, thanks honey? hehe. I love having a little boy. They are so special.

Shannon Riggins 10 months ago


Renee 10 months ago

My son thought is would be a good idea to wrap his in silly putty . When silly putty gets warm it’s impossible to get off !

Asehpe 10 months ago

I certainly try to adjust discreetly, since I’m no fan of making people uncomfortable (blowing noses, burping also bad, even if I need them — quickly go somewhere else, out of sight). Also clearly the blog post is meant as a little caring joke: parents will often say something funny about their kids and laugh about it, even though they love them dearly and would do anything for them.

Yet, having said this…

Having once tried to discipline my then 4-year-old daughter for showing her vagina too much (‘look, people! a hole!’) and having gotten the displeased looks of ‘father trying to repress his daughter’ from all those around (who were clearly uncomfortable by my daughter’s behavior), I have to agree that such posts, despite their innocent intentions, despite the cheerfulness with which they try to address the topic, still make me sigh and yearn for a time when equality will be real everywhere.

I’m sorry if your boys’ penile behavior is sometimes uncomfortable. Let it be a consolation to think that this is not their intention.

SAYWHAAAT! 10 months ago

Ladies, ladies, ladies, imagine this, being able to sit down in a hard seat on one of your breast! Yeah, well, you say “just wear something loose”, this is what happens to boys and men when they do wear something loose.
And you talk about being “gross” and “unsanitary”, what about women who reach inside their bra to get the phone out, or their cash to pay for something? Now that’s gross AND unsanitary!
You walk around with half of your stuff popping out of your top , and when a man looks at what you’re advertising, you call us a pervert!

What gives?

Rae Marie Maynard Benjamin 10 months ago

Oh my I can’t stop laughing. … so true. .hits home lol

Wendy Krug 10 months ago

Love it.

Rachel Logue 10 months ago

THis is so funny!

Jazmine Lee 10 months ago

I didn’t even know it could be tucked in

Meredith Lockhart 10 months ago

I just laughed so hard!!! I can totally hear my three year old saying this!

april 10 months ago

Im a catholic mommy and we dont believe in mb or touching or whatever. There are ways to teach your boys to not want to touch. You dont be an idiot and say oh its gonna fall off. I have taught my son that he only touches if he is peeing or needs to fix it real quick. He knows its not proper to touch. Guys are already disgusting now a days and i am raising little gentlemen.

Selena Lee 10 months ago

I knew you would have given your tribe of boys!

christyane-syrek 10 months ago

My son Nathan 11 starting puberty.YIKES! I told him I’m going to duck tape his undies on so he can’t play with his new

Rebecca Cote Toscano 10 months ago

And it’s all been true for us! Every single one. Lol

Edith Mielnik Prestidge 10 months ago

This is awesome! I actually laughed out loud.

Juanita Nance 10 months ago

That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing, as I am wiping away the tears from laughter. Being the Mom of two grown men, My memory may be fading somewhat but memories of those men as little boys is priceless,!….

Katie 10 months ago

How is that sexist?! My son is just about to turn 5, and all this is applicable. I don’t have a girl, so I don’t know about that, but as far as my son goes, this is spot-on.

Katie 10 months ago

I LOVE this! My son will turn 5
next week, and this is just starting to become an issue. As in, he finally realizes he has one, and now he can’t wait to show it off to the world and learn all the cool things he can do with it. Thanks for posting this!

Amanda Lynn 10 months ago

Omg to cute i have twin boys i have to share

Joshua Kinsey 10 months ago

Wow. Just wow. Good to know women./mothers are every bit as sexist as men!

Kenny Riffle 10 months ago


Andy Vierra 10 months ago

No. Fun.

Rebekah 10 months ago

Brilliant and all absolutely true.. from a mum of three boys!

Robin Farrell 10 months ago

Hahaha this made my day

Ali Hall 10 months ago

Of course just after reading this my 4yr old runs past me saying “I have I pee” and heads outback to “pee on the tree”

Jennifer Thomas-Goering 10 months ago

I hate to say my kids make me drink…but they do! Just for this reason!! Wine purses with attitude!

Lisa Jackson 10 months ago


Kathy Curlee King 10 months ago

Too funny. And so true.

INTACT 10 months ago

Simone, if he was circumcised . that might be the problem because he might have an issue from the procedure that
was performed right after he was born

Elspeth Bretton 10 months ago

Number 4! I asked my son, once, to stop hurting the “pretty body mommy made” for him and now if he is mad at me, he will stretch out his penis and shout, “Look! I am going to break your pretty penis!”

Tamie 10 months ago

As the mother of 5 son’s,23,22,20,13 and 2 you are on the mark.
The compairing size still goes on,for the older boys. And all the grabbing twisting pulling and wiggling came back with the new one!
IT WILL NEVER STOP mommys,best to just pretend you know nothing,see nothing,and have a “stiff” drink after they go to bed!

INTACT 10 months ago

way to go Megan! to bad everybody don’t have the same thoughts as you do if you want more Information on that go to INTACT America .org and everyone else and read the pros of having foreskin

Jess Ica 10 months ago

Omg is this really what I’m in for?!? I’m breastfeeding my boy and laughed so hard I woke him up xD he gave me the funniest look like wtf mom

Justine Garcia Driscoll 10 months ago

Hahahahaha. So damn funny. Thanks for that!

Maria Carmen Hayes 10 months ago

This is HILARIOUS. I routinely have to deal with #7

Brooke Valosio Coupland 10 months ago

This will always be a favorite of mine!

Karla Manus Kuepker 10 months ago

“Ding dong dignity”, lol! Glad I have girls. :-)

Cindi Sherman-Vinci 10 months ago


matt 10 months ago

My wife isn’t much of a fan of the helicopter which makes it even more fun!

Akasha Pearson 10 months ago

#9 omg!!!

Linda Parkis 10 months ago


Jan Scallan 10 months ago

Will masturbation make you go blind? Will it?

Danielle Terrill 10 months ago

Hilarious. Reminds me of my brothers.

Paola Kennedy 10 months ago

Mine flicks his softly and says “my pee pee tickles”

Shirley Weinert 10 months ago

leave it alone to the boy’s – that’s my grkid’s

Jennifer West 10 months ago

Perfect! My son to the T!

Shirley Weinert 10 months ago

sometime’s it cute – kept saying to boy’s it wont fall off

Chad Gioimo 10 months ago

In regards to #1 you can definitely brake your penis…

Liz Johnson Stelter 10 months ago

Hahahahaha!!!! This is 110% correct!!! Just cracks me up!!!

Brooke Erkman Dawes 10 months ago

SO true! LOL

Don Nelson 10 months ago

So funny

Patti Pitman-Fisher 10 months ago

Have a little ‘ding-dong dignity’, even if you never have any ‘penis etiquette’!

Rachael Katherine 10 months ago

Hahaha probably

Karen Gurrie 10 months ago

These were a blast!

Cheryl Britton 10 months ago

That is the part I LOVE about my daughter. She is a princess! She is sugar and spice!! Bows and glitter thru the house and I love it! Never thought girls were for me but I am soooo thankful. If I had ten kids I would want ALL girls! And I remember a quote I read “A son is a son ’til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life.” It’s usually true…unless it’s one of the boys that never leave their parents basement. Not sure why there is more and more of that.

Denise M. Rigney 10 months ago

Too funny!

Amber Krofta 10 months ago

I just died laughing! Lmao

Linnea Kaser 10 months ago

Every. Single. One. Of. These.

Pat Stephens 10 months ago

This is the cutest . I wish I had seen this when my Danny was born.

Tu Anh Quach Schroeter 10 months ago

Lo. So funny

Amy Cota Patenaude 10 months ago


Morgan Buchanan 10 months ago

However, I told my son rather early on that it’s not polite to play with it. It is a part of your body and not going anywhere. And it is there for only peeing (for now – the talk for the other uses will be later) not playing.

So I rarely have problems with him playing with it. However he got a squishy ball a few day ago and when he squished it (at home) and it stretched out on one side he said, “look mom it’s like a ball like boys have.” Haha

Morgan Buchanan 10 months ago

My son was in the shower and pulled on of his balls down and said, “look momma, it’s a ball.” Haha I just laughed and said, “yep and Ya know what? You have another on on the other side” he was rather amazed….and I ended up having to help him find it because for some reason he couldn’t. Lol

Morgan Buchanan 10 months ago


Janene Ball Rigney 10 months ago


Susan Whitworth 10 months ago

as the mother of two adult sons, this sounds like advice i gave them many years ago and they both made it to adulthood without damaging anything.

Meya Bullock 10 months ago

My son has a fit when it’s the wrong way…he says fix mommy fix

Shanna McMillan 10 months ago

Ha ha. My son isnt quit this bad. Def the it may not hurt u, but it hurts me.

Tim Stanley 10 months ago

Sorry but #6 is wrong. Lol. I still have a meltdown.

Suzanne Smith 10 months ago

True and hilarious!

Kate Major-Montalbano 10 months ago

Becky Boo got to read

Heather Wenzel Mathis 10 months ago

This is awesome!

Melissa O’Brien 10 months ago

PML. There is some good advice there. A must read for the boys

Michelle Crawford 10 months ago

Oh so true.

BenandMari Martinez 10 months ago

Lol they are something else aren’t they?

Debbie Neal 10 months ago

My brother held his penis for years because my mom told him there a was a thrift that steals them he was afraid so always kept his hands in his pants to protect it lmao

Jen Amato 10 months ago

Ah yes….boys are not the same as girls lol!

Jen L Kell 10 months ago

I have a 7 month old son.. He is starting to grab himself already.. I’m like already!!?!

Joaquin Soler 10 months ago


Sheree Najimy 10 months ago


Tiffany Ellington 10 months ago

Omg lol so true

Amanda Neill 10 months ago

Mate that is soooo true!! Made me LOL

Ben Cook 10 months ago

Only someone who’s never experienced #6 can say “there’s no need for a meltdown”. There most certainly is and it must be corrected AT ONCE! Haha

Zita Durian 10 months ago

My 2-Year old calls it a tail too ! :)

Chantelle Roy Kimball 10 months ago

So glad I have girls!!!!

John Maclean 10 months ago

Only Dad looks down like that

Mary Jeffries 10 months ago

Oh, dear lord. There are no words. I have no idea what I’m getting myself into.

Lucy Burkitt 10 months ago

hahah funny x mine has fallen off according to oz ….

Linda Jayne Spray 10 months ago

I don’t have any boys, but I think most of this applies to my husband! Lol

Rebecca Eve Bowkett 10 months ago

Lol I will Lindsay though he has grown out of that

Wendy Hagen 10 months ago

I have said that to my sons so often…. “its ok you dont have to cuddle it, it will not fall off”

Toney N Candace Jones 10 months ago

Laughed my butt off! I have a twelve yr old and 7mth both boys! You would be surprised how early they even notice it’s there!!!

Lindsay Catalano Fmrly Traylor 10 months ago

I sometimes think a little boy would be nice…….. I just changed my mind! Remind me never to accept a hot choc in your house….or cutlery…..or a sandwich!

Nikki Redgrave 10 months ago

Haha! It’s the comment about stretching it out that makes me laugh! I look at Liam and think how does that not hurt?!! X

Lesley Forrest 10 months ago

Funny that we were just talking about this :)

Rachael Ireni Utley 10 months ago

Number 9. This applies to your dad too. *Face.Palm*

Gillian Brennan 10 months ago

That’s awesome

Porsha Edwards 10 months ago

My 8 year old thinks his has to dance after every bath lol “Look at me mom, my penis can dance” oh the joys of having a boy.

Amanda Mirambell-Grice 10 months ago

It’s like, “Just because I am fond of Jami’s penis, (their stepdad) that DOES NOT mean I want to see yours every time I look around.” (For the record, I say this in my head)

Amanda Mirambell-Grice 10 months ago

Malissa, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They pull it, twist it, fold it, wrap it around crap…………..UGH

Danielle Breslof 10 months ago

Wtf….i can’t stop laughing

Bob 10 months ago

As for #6, it actually is quite uncomfortable if it’s facing (hanging) the wrong way. Especially in tight underwear.

Steph Emerson 10 months ago

Number 9, over here!

Lauren Drinkhall 10 months ago

Yes. All of the above lord help us all

Jennifer Osso 10 months ago

You must have a VERY small one.

Melinda Hicks 10 months ago

When my son was three, we potty trained him and from then on he held on to his penis. I have mostly sisters and mostly girl cousins, so I was worried maybe he had a urinary tract infection or something (he was largely non-verbal at this point, so I couldn’t count on him to tell me if it burned to pee.) I asked my mother in law if it was normal for little boys to walk around all the time holding their penises. She said, yes, and that some boys never outgrow that phase! LOL

Jennifer Osso 10 months ago

Relax buddy. It’s just a sarcastic funny piece about little boys and their early obsession with their penis. Moms can’t talk about that? In my option the obsession never ends.. Lol

Loyce van den Berg 10 months ago


Raquel McIntyre 10 months ago


M Elissa D As 10 months ago

#4! Ouch!

Katlyn King 10 months ago

Molly Dodd ..”there’s penis’ everywhere!!” Haahaha!!

M Elissa D As 10 months ago

My two year old thinks I pee out of my butt, since I’m missing a penis.

Jenn Basko 10 months ago

My son is four and all of it is true.. I was laughing… I had my son after my two girls so didn’t have the penis problem until recently…thanks for sharing

Bryan Buck 10 months ago

Julie, I totally get where you are coming from on this. Seriously. Though I find I have problems with number 1 myself…

Erin Acaster 10 months ago

Glad I have girls

Maggie Davis 10 months ago

I’ve three as well. Chaos at all times.
Nice to see another Mom in the fratbros trenches with me.
Stay strong!

Maggie Davis 10 months ago

That is hysterical. Similar sitches in our home (3 boys, age 3,5,7). Still don’t get the whole “Nope, mom
does not have a penis. And that is OK, friends! ….
Like thanks for stopping by the John for the 40th time while I am in desperate need of privacy!”
Oy vey.

Vikki Ashton 10 months ago

Many men could do with reading this list!

Maggie Davis 10 months ago

Similarly and in familiar language my 3YO proclaimed “I NO HAVE TAIL…..
* Caps are my emphasis because he was so dramatic about it. He says it every once in a while. He’s a pip!

Travis N Jen Pelfrey 10 months ago

This is my son Colin. High functioning autism. Such a wonderful boy

Sharon Hastings Fillner 10 months ago

This is hilarious and so true!!

Nelson Clarke 10 months ago

Funny article, I definitely laughed but, giving penis advise visit someone who doesn’t own one is like me trying to give vagina advise… you just don’t understand unless you have one (aka if the penis is bunched up or sitting g the wrong way, it’s very uncomfortable and distracting and must be fixed). :-)

Nick Carr 10 months ago

All accurate except for the “facing the wrong way” one. That kinda is a reason for a meltdown.

Alex Chang 10 months ago

Lmao is this true? My 18 month doesn’t do this yet…well to this extent atleast.

Kevin N Alison Ely 10 months ago

Yes. Times three.

Ashley Reid Kaufelt 10 months ago

So funny!

Brandy Werdal 10 months ago


Shana Cooper 10 months ago

totally!!!! sooooo funny!! my life, they don’t put this stuff in the parenting books!! This is totally my 2 boys.LOL. I’m crying I’m laughing so hard!

Heather Randall 10 months ago


Heidi Walsh Kay 10 months ago

I am dying laughing right now. This is SO true.

Susan Costa Galvin 10 months ago

“ding-dong dignity.” DYING.

Amanda Carman Paulson 10 months ago

Oh my I am cracking up!!! Love it!

Nena Metcalf 10 months ago

Oh my gosh the stretching, oh man the stretching…

Karlee King 10 months ago

I’m having a boy in spring looks like I have a lot to look forward to lol

Kory Humphrey 10 months ago


Anabelle Myers 10 months ago

I read it to the boys and they laughed their little butts off.

Lori Marshall Ford 10 months ago


Becky Winch 10 months ago

Baa haa haa Been there with my two boys!

Michael Vickles 10 months ago

Would I talk to my daughter about how her vagina worked. This is such a crock of shit

Jan Levine-Wilson 10 months ago

#4!!!!!!! Dying!!!!

Suzi Leonard Boccanfuso 10 months ago

Yes. Yes to all of it!

Christy Mathews 10 months ago

Yes, #1!! I keep telling him it’s not going to go anywhere

Jamia Salmons-Greenfield 10 months ago

OMG! This is hilarious I have 3daughters so we have a whole different set of issues. That being said its good to know that boys who are obsessed with their “junk” turn into men who still love their “junk”. I laughed out loud several times reading this, great article

Kathy Gonzalez 10 months ago

hi hows it going

dana 10 months ago

Also, please don’t tell your younger sister not to worry because she will grow one someday. She won’t.

Bryan Michael 10 months ago

I beg to differ on #6. It IS the end of the world when it’s facing the wrong way or bunched up in your underwear.

Joseph 10 months ago

I really liked the post, it made me laugh. I am raising 4 boys and me and my wife did not run into these situations. I agree that all men should be way more respectful to women and espically their moms. that being said, kids are going to take awhile to learn that.
holding anything sensitie that gives you pleasure can be very comforting and a lot of guys are insecure, thus the holding. try holding your boyfriend or husband as he falls asleep, he will love you for it. adjustment is a fact of life, it hurts when it is bound up and hurts even more if it needs room while the penis is expanding. being respectful and not doing it front of people is just something that has to be taught. As for peeing anywhere, Its just to much fun. maybe it goes back to caveman days and marking territory or maybe it just brings out the little kid in us. However I am a big fan of sitting to go pee, who wants a wet seat. I do have one suggestion you did not mention that all men should do, Keep your penis clean. its good hygiene.

Brandon DiPietro 10 months ago

#’s 6,7, and 9 are completely wrong. You wouldn’t understand unless you are a guy…

Erin Cook Robinson 10 months ago

So true. I have two boys and she nailed it. Still laughing!!

Tracy Lynn Damiani 10 months ago

So true.

Corey Nicholson 10 months ago

Everyone is born a boy, and the penis falls off the dumb ones

Linda Hinze 10 months ago


Jade Keane 10 months ago

Bahahaha this was a great read. Hannah Ryan Sam Keating made me laugh so much.

Colleen Bailey 10 months ago

I’m so glad that this is normal. I had 3 girls & then 1 boy who loves his “wiener & wiener balls”

Bella Baldock 10 months ago

Haha number 6: mummy my weewee is pointing…. Well stop touching it.

Cera Casavant 10 months ago

Nailed it! Kudos to you!!!

Linda Girard 10 months ago

OMG! I just can’t stop laughing!! So funny and true

Geraldine Mabel 10 months ago

Loved #5 especially

Samantha Meader 10 months ago

My. 4 year old daughter informed me after seeing me change a boys diaper that’s boys pee out of a little peach log

Susan Morrison 10 months ago

So laughing out loud right now. HILARIOUS.

Sarah Boiarski 10 months ago

This cracked me up!! As a mother of 2 small boys, I found everything in here to ring true!

Laura Baumann 10 months ago

Omg yes!!!

Taj-Lew Wakefield 10 months ago

My first introduction to my son was an ultrasound of him playing with his willy. The tech couldn’t stop laughing. Even before birth they are fascinated by it.

Heather 10 months ago

Among one of the many lies we told the boys while growing up was….if you don’t keep it clean it will fall off and that’s how little girls are made, they are just dirty little boys…needless to say they were very diligent in being clean

Sarah Martin 10 months ago

Too funny…..good advice for males of all ages!! Lol…

Stacey Goodin Sellers 10 months ago

Spot on. Haha

Lauren Maxine 10 months ago

Oh my god, is this what’s in store for me??

Sian Graham 10 months ago

Hahahahaha! Omg ALL of these! Every single disgusting one. May I add ‘mum! Mum! Look at my big ballies mum!’ Whilst flopping his penis over the top of his shorts

Anne Pollis D’Angelo 10 months ago

Mom of 3…. This is my life!!!

Anne Lawson Denner 10 months ago

Omg I just laughed so hard I am in tears! Jack loves his! Lol

Janet Welch Burke 10 months ago

Number 3 made me spit out my water!

Rib Bit 10 months ago

I told my oldest that he may think it’s a cool toy, but think about cool toys… The other kids always wanna play with them too. So if he didn’t want anyone else playing with it he should keep it hidden in his pants and don’t let anyone know it’s there. It worked.

Amanda Riley McKinney 10 months ago

Yes… most common phrase in our house… don’t hold that while you are talking to me.

Rebecca Louise Herbunot 10 months ago

Sure I’ve said all this and more to my 3 lol

Julie Laughlin 10 months ago

While I don’t have biological boys of my own, I still find this amusing. #2 is a must!

Miriam Lokelani Smith 10 months ago

Oh my gosh, I just about died laughing. !

Debbie Cress Prowal 10 months ago

Yup he’s started figuring that one out already !

Samantha Hoyt 10 months ago

Oh haha the things I have to look forward to with my son

Rachel Wheeler 10 months ago

Haha!! I have 3 girls, and so glad. Boys are silly!

Brittney Gandara 10 months ago

Laughing so hard!!!

Erin Mirenda Moore 10 months ago

Haha. Needed a little hysterical tonight. Thank you.

Chelisy Foster 10 months ago

#7 lmao

Christina Colella LoPresto 10 months ago

Lol!!! So true

Justin Stark 10 months ago

My 3-year old daughter was watching me change her newborn brother and she said, “look dad, that’s his bum…and he has a tail!”

Megan Crick Posey 10 months ago

As a mother of two boys, I say this is so accurate. They come out of the womb hanging on to it! 😉 And not every guest or stranger wants to see it thank you. You may be fascinated with it, but the world isn’t….

Ken Korkosz 10 months ago

haha…..well that makes sense now…:)

Cindy Robertson 10 months ago

Cute…great advice!

Ellen Clulow Shepley 10 months ago

Lol! Life with two boys! Hilarious!

Jessica Lutz Hurd 10 months ago

I actually tell my boys it will fall off if they aren’t careful what they do with it….

Clare Spencer 10 months ago

All of them!

Sandra Cunha Tranquilli 10 months ago

Every morning – Good morning pumpkin. Get your hand out of your pants. Ewww pee-pee hand.

Cherie Wilkerson 10 months ago

Good god! Glad to know I’m not the only mom whose kid treats his penis like stretch armstrong!

Valerie Murray Biver 10 months ago


Kelly Nelson 10 months ago

Hahah great!

Julia Holtzman 10 months ago

Lmfao. Omg yes… I have three sons and I swear this very well covers it all!!!!

Nola K Stahmann 10 months ago

This is too funny!

Mauri Mo Hoerning Staten 10 months ago

Yes! All of the above.

Samantha Kempton Wyland 10 months ago

OMG I am crying laughing!!

Cassie Vorm Barr 10 months ago


Gina Vona Kadlec 10 months ago


Bonnie Brown 10 months ago

Again, mothers of sons – a must!

Billie Susan Longfellow 10 months ago

Our 7 month old has recently found his boy bits. Everytime he gets his diaper changed he grabs for it with both hands. This would almost be cute if he didn’t insist on doing even when he’s having a poopy diaper changed. lol

Allison Wilson Wright 10 months ago

If only I could like this multiple times.

Caitlin Margaret Rose 10 months ago

Mom of 2 boys…this is PERFECT

Ariana Brown 10 months ago

I will add: There is no reason to feel sorry for mommy because she doesn’t have one. My 2 year old will say “Mommy, no penis? Mommy a vulva? Oh, sorry. So, so sorry.” and hang his head. Thanks, patriarchy!

Corrina Williams 10 months ago

i was giving 2 of my daycare boys a bath one evening and joey yells “no ricky that mine you have your own” i laughed to darn hard i couldnt help myself :)

Lisa Renee Benson-Kase 10 months ago

This makes me happy to have girls

Neal 10 months ago

She has no idea what she’s talking about. These things are part of our being as males. She might as well tell her son not to breathe anymore! 😉

Alyssa Crowe 10 months ago

Love this…I have 2 boys I’m the only girl in the house and I have seen more private parts than I would like to admit….and I’m not bragging!

Joanne Barclay Chee 10 months ago

Spot on!

Shannon McCurdie 10 months ago

Love #9!

Liz Combs Merring 10 months ago


Aimee Hempy-De La Cruz 10 months ago

Hysterical! OMG. I say these daily. Glad I’m not alone.

Shivani Shah 10 months ago

Funny. True.

Amy Lane Jodie 10 months ago

So true and so funny!

Diane Calderone 10 months ago

While on the tub, my grandson says “Gramma, I line playing with my pee pee.” Me, “I bet you do!”

Holly Pierson Rosby 10 months ago

My 3yo asked me…”why did your penis die and fall off?”

Mindi Stillings 10 months ago

Hahaha! I can relate.

Karen Boen Clark 10 months ago

Love it!!

Jennifer Hebner 10 months ago

Totally on point : )

Karina Jones 10 months ago

As a mother of three , make that soon to be 4 boys, I laughed and cried a little too … Lol… Esp about the pee . We live in an old one bathroom house and it’s horrendous the damage these little Monters …. Uhhhh I mean my sweets , can do. Either way loved it !! So funny and every single one is so true!

Chula Dacks 10 months ago


Jessica Rangel 10 months ago

Im really thankful my son has skipped this awkward phase! He acknowledges his body, but doesnt touch it too much.

Jessica Renae Matthiesen 10 months ago

My son found his appendage at the grand age of 6 months and is now 18 months and still very concerned about his penis. This article is absolutely hilarious and I’m sure I will be experiencing all of it shortly!

Autumn Valdez 10 months ago

Omg yes. This is great! So on point.

Jennifer Guilmette 10 months ago

Don’t point it up when you go potty.

Kate Baillon 10 months ago

#4 and#1 and my son is only 1yr

Sadie Rearick 10 months ago

#4. Uh yeah.

Janet English Fraley 10 months ago

3 and 4,

Lana Ross 10 months ago

Every time I get my son’s diaper off (15 months old), he runs away hitting himself there and laughing. I can’t even… I thought it was supposed to be painful??

Tanya Gallaway 10 months ago

Omg this is so funny

Anne-Marie Johnson Leake 10 months ago

Number Nine! And I would add, “For the millionth time, Mommy does not have one!” There was no convincing my son of that when he was three.

Joe Medler 10 months ago

I got to about #8 before realizing women have very little understanding of an owners perspective.

Kate Duerr 10 months ago

Omg! Hilarious! I think I’m going to frame this and hang it on the wall!

Sarah Hutchinson 10 months ago

Haha! Any mother of a son will find the humor in this

Amanda Hammon 10 months ago

There is no such thing as a Penis Snatcher. Repeat.

Jessica Gardea 10 months ago

I’m 34 weeks pregnant. Since 30 weeks and on this kid is always holding on to his penis. I’m starting to get embarrassed. lol

Allison Edlund 10 months ago

I have said all of these almost daily to my two boys. I had tears I was laughing so hard!

Bryan Williams 10 months ago


Erin Thinks-you’re Amoron 10 months ago


Crystal King Maupin 10 months ago

ROFL!! One boy!! Almost 7. After bath he is streaking dancing juggling and giggling like a deranged loon!! Goofy child!!
One addition though. If my dear boy you pinch it hard after making it hard in your bath it will HURT!!! Stop pinching it and it will stop hurting. In maybe an hour. Lol.

Lauren Womble 10 months ago

Ha! My almost 6 year old and number 9

Lauren Stockton 10 months ago


Amber Shuttleworth 10 months ago

So true. My toddler loves his penis more than Kanye loves Kanye.

Jori White Ruff 10 months ago

3 boys… Enough said!

Joyce Gordon- Moorman 10 months ago

I thought it was funny……and accurate….and I read it to two of my sons (ages 25 and 18), lol

Gillian Nicole 10 months ago

I really hope the baby in my belly will be my #2 girl lol. Had my three nephews over last weekend penis everywhere … Yuck

Dianne Ball Wegner 10 months ago

Love it!!! So true!!!

Scott Sweebe 10 months ago

This is hilarious.

Amy Volk Berger 10 months ago

Umm, number 9 in my house….

Karen Anderson Bostian 10 months ago

Mother of four boys laughing hysterically here!

Barb Stiltner 10 months ago

Awesome ……9 Is what I have always said

Cheryl Britton 10 months ago

OMG! I am so thankful I have daughters!!!

Lisa Studer-Alcala 10 months ago

Yep! Spot on. Still laugh when I think about my eldest son coming out to the kitchen, with his tally wacker pulled high and exclaiming “Look mom, I have balls!” And yes, we had company over.

Courtney Cameron Patterson 10 months ago

Love this, its so accurate! Lol

Ann Maree Dudgeon 10 months ago

Lol hilarious

grace 10 months ago

I have three boys. This article is my life.

Tracy Forshay 10 months ago

Love this!! My boys won’t take their hands off em when a diapers not on!!

Deann Grindle 10 months ago

I have three girls and a little boy! My son is only 10 months old so I’m not used to all this penis talk lol! But this is going to be my son. I can see it now. He has already started!

Lisa Kleinsasser 10 months ago

#2 Please hold tight and aim!! It still happens and he’s almost a preteen LOL

April Dunn Carr 10 months ago


BenandMari Martinez 10 months ago

As the mother of three boys…aye aye aye this is just perfect lol

Taylor Stewart 10 months ago

Number 8. Dear god number 8

Krystal Dunaway 10 months ago


Melissa Moore Wilson 10 months ago

My 2 1/2 year old likes to run around with no pants on and tackle the dog. I’m always telling him to get his penis off of the dog’s behind…

Sami Hall 10 months ago

I am cracking the hell up! OMG haha this is what I have to look forward to when my 17 month old gets a little older huh?

Shawna Couture-Hedenkamp 10 months ago

Oh gosh so dealing with this right now with my son. Haha!

Manon St.Onge 10 months ago

Hahahaha all of these sooo true! Lol

Cindy von Metzger 10 months ago

I love this site!! Awesome articles that make me laugh!!

Shelley Waters 10 months ago

I found out the hard way just how much money I could have saved on bath toys. :/

Marisa Lott 10 months ago

Yes #9 my husband !!

Julie Anna Cottone 10 months ago

Great laugh! I remember those toddler days vividly

Holly Elizabeth King Green 10 months ago

yesterday my almost 3 yr old pushed his penis in and then went “Where’d my peenee go!!!!!” I was like omg gross, go put your undies on

A 10 months ago

I have to disagree with #6. I feel uncomfortable when my boobs aren’t right so I can imagine they do too….

INTACT 10 months ago

Sarah I like your comment ! everyone should look up INTACT and read the pros and cons about circumcision, It is getting to where it is getting to where it is being called Genital mulipalution and it should be left up to the child when he gets older to make the choice to have this done..
I hope that people will take notice on the Information and read the reasons for having foreskin ad its functions.

INTACT says 10 months ago

the reason the boys keep grabbing at themselves is because when they were circumcised is that the operation was not done correctly and that the gland is dry and has no protection over it and that is maybe why they are always trying to ease the pain that they went through when they were circumcised as an infant

INTACT says 10 months ago

way to go Louise! keeping your sons Intact was a very wise choice. if you want to see more information on BEING INTACT go to http://WWW.INTACT NATIONAL. ORG . and the rest of you that read this . it very informative information on the subject of being Intact.

Anne 10 months ago

SaintPeter pinch & roll?! That sounds really painful.

To me, the difference is above/below clothes, in public.

Sometimes I need to adjust my bra strap, my hand is typically on my shoulder or near my shoulder blade and I just move the strap, untangle my hair, etc. If I need to do more (ex- fully adjust how my breasts sit in my bra) I’ll find a washroom and do it in there because there’s a risk for a nip-slip & it gives me the freedom to adjust as necessary.
If I’m home & my breasts need adjusting I’ll just adjust, no one’s near but me & my man, he doesn’t complain.

If as a man you need to adjust (in public) do it OVER your pants, and adjust away. If it’s something you need to stick your hand into your pants for then go to a washroom stall & do it. That’s what crosses the line for me. I totally respect the need to move things around at times, but when you are actually putting your hand down your pants in public then it becomes inappropriate. That’s when you need to go somewhere private and make the necessary adjustments. Also wash your hands.

I’m a stickler for hand-washing all the time anyway but adjusting a penis or scrotum warrants post-adjustment hand washing. Even at home when it might be more acceptable to adjust under the pants if you need/want to.

Also I think discretion on the part of both sides is just polite. I understand you can’t control when your junk bunches or when maybe you get an awkward erection, or when the underwire sits wrong or the bra strap is twisted. But to talk to a man and have him just reach down and start manipulating himself is as uncomfortable for me as it would be to have a girlfriend just start shoving her hand into her bra to shift her breasts. I don’t need/want to witness this, so be discreet if you please, slide a hand into your pocket and move things as needed or ladies, shift your posture and see if that helps. I don’t think anyone wants to be exposed to blatant junk wrestling with a random person or even a dear friend. Exceptions may be made for your own children or significant other but if I’m at the mall and someone starts talking to me and then reaches down to jerk themselves around like they’re using a joystick it’s going to make things really uneasy for me. I respect the need to adjust, even women’s panties don’t always sit right but there is definitely something to be said for discretion and acknowledging when it’s appropriate to go somewhere private to make the necessary adjustments.

BODY SHAMER! 11 months ago

I can not believe that you are body shaming your child this way! Any parent that would do such a thing is hurting their kids expressive sexual development!

I have no idea how I got to this horrible page, but you are INDEED a “scary mommy” who needs to talk to a counselor about appropriate parenting techniques. As a mother, I would never in my life talk to my son in such a demeaning manner.

Your child is an independant person who should be celebrated and cherished. You do not have the right to hurt their self esteem through body shaming or any other psychological warfare/ torture. I would never talk to my worst enemy this way, this sort of negativity is poisonous to a family and will not allow for a healthy attachment of the child to the parent.

What is wrong with you for wanting to body shame your child? Were you indoctrinated at some church that your child is not allowed to have a full and positive sense of sexual self? Did your family of origin have boundary issues/ practice shaming/ not positively support you? Do you have an insecure attachment style?

You need to figure this out before your child suffers irreparable harm to his sense of self.

Stephanie 1 year ago

All of these apply to my 19 month old son AND my 30 year old husband. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you who spends more time holding it…

Kat 1 year ago

So true. What scares me most about this piece, however, is how much still applies to grown men.

Caley 1 year ago

Once I went to pick my, then 3 year old, up from daycare and he had his hands down his pants playing with his penis. So I told him, “It is ok to play with yourself, if we are at home and we do not have company over.” He took my hand, looked me straight in the eye and said, “I will mommy, I will!” So serious, but I am glad to say he has kept that promise for two years now. lol

Anna 1 year ago

OMG!!! I have 2 boys (19 &17) I just laughed until I cried reading these! These are all sooo true!

Keith 1 year ago

Um…that “firm grip” advice isn’t going to get you the result you’re looking for…

Erin Myles 1 year ago

Love this!!!! Hit the nail right on the head…pun intended. Thanks for the laughs!

Charles 1 year ago

A note of caution from “the other side,” 40 years ago my dear, well-intentioned mother was very stern in regards to “touching yourself down there,” or ever referring to sex. This was normal in the past. However, the result was a man who felt very secretive about sex or genitalia. Until a very understanding, kind woman (my second wife) helped me understand the many things that are normal for guys. I am so glad she did. Please don’t repress your sons about normal behavior.

Cathy 1 year ago

Seems like there are some men here (and a few women) who don’t understand the meaning of humor. Yes guys, for the most part we laugh as we tell our sons these things.

As far as adjusting body parts, if you are an adult you should make every effort to do this in private or at the very least by turning away from other adults. Otherwise if I see someone making an adjustment I assume it’s am emergency and look away.

Just an FWI, I had an employee who was constantly jiggling his junk, both hands in his pockets. When my supervisor came to me about it I told him I assumed it was a nervous habit, but most of the other women took offense to his behavior and he was terminated for sexual harassment. That is not something anyone wants on their record. Just something to think about.

jean narine 1 year ago

My son fix him!

lauXren 1 year ago

Now I REALLY have penis envy! you cant do half that stuff with a va-jay-jay! :( 😛 😛

Heather @ Life of a Traveling Navy Wife 1 year ago

HAHA and here I thought this was about my husband. 😉 I kid I kid! He has three girls I’m bonus mom to, but this still had us cracking up.

Jenni 1 year ago

I actually had to make a rule in the house that I refused to listen to anyone of they had their hands on their penis. I won’t be talked to with…. That going on! :)

Andrea 1 year ago

Boys; Noise with dirt on it. 😉

Andrea 1 year ago

I laughed out stinkin’ loud at number three. We have three boys and have had the delight of experiencing nearly all of these situations. sigh. I’ve told my boys that I will need therapy after having raised them. lol

Laura 1 year ago

My son has been doing all of this since 3/4 months and still going strong at 10 months! I cringe whenever he tugs and squeezes and rolls it!!
Great post, btw!! I feel like I wrote it with how you worded it and everything! We must have the same kind of humor. :-)

Laura 1 year ago

My son has been doing all of this since 3/4 months and still going strong at 10 months! I cringe whenever he tugs and squeezes and rolls it!!

Kojáck Vásqueẍz 1 year ago

I’m sorry #7 is an outright lie, it has been upheld by both science, and the sum of roughly three million years of experience, that if you cannot pee on it, you cannot trust it.

Grant 1 year ago

How I got here…I have no idea, and why I was intrigued enough to read it…curiosity apparently. I have to say that the writer “mom” has some issues she needs to get taken care of.. A little bit much on the adjectives, I know it’s gossipy but come on. Go focus on something other than a young boys penis. There has to be something else to put on the internet for everyone to see how your brain works…

Andrew 1 year ago

About #6, sometimes it really is the end of the world, especially when (#7) Mom is a little uptight about you making a simple and totally normal, natural adjustment. This thing took millions if years of evolution to reach its current state, and pants (and underwear) came along fairly late in the game. To steal a line from public-breast feeding moms, “it’s not my problem if you have a problem with it”.

Jillian 1 year ago

This whole post and the replies I’ve read make me think of all those men who want to be OBGYNs….why? You don’t have a vagina. Just because you go to school and get a degree does NOT make you an expert on it! And the boob/bra comments…..if you don’t want women to tell you all about your penile behaviors, then don’t talk about our breast ones….or hell, just don’t read the article. This is from a MOTHER’S point of view. I can only imagine what this same “point of view” would say if it were written by a man. She’s free to say what she wants to say. It doesn’t mean she’s telling people to raise their own boys that way.

bitty girl 1 year ago

I am sorry but breast are not a reproductive flesh or sexual organ, they are mammary glands. is time people become educated about this.
but this is not about who should or should not adjust, we all need to some time or another but we don’t have to be so bold about it. A little decorum wont kill us.

Joanne 1 year ago

I had very limited experience with boys only to babysit when younger so after parenting 4 girls. I adopted a boy he was 5 when he came to live with me. It’s been a while ride the one about lounging around the house in state of undress constant. Now wants to take out trash in underwear he 13 I’m sure he has rap his parts round things.

trisarahtops 1 year ago

The only time I keep anything in my bra (other than my phone, but nobody else is touching that, and I’m okay with touching my own boobs) is when I go out to a bar and don’t plan on buying any drinks. I keep my phone, license and debit card tucked safely in my bra where I know they won’t go missing, or keep them in my SO’s pocket. As someone who worked a cash for 4 years, sweaty boob money is the worst, especially now that Canada has plastic money, so none of the sweat gets absorbed. I get handed slimy pieces of plastic from the depths of a bra that I don’t know when was last washed and that’s not okay with me.

Jen 1 year ago

My son feels the need to tell EVERYONE “I got penis” anytime he is naked or close to naked. The whole family, child care and random strangers are now well aware.

bullsballs 1 year ago

get rid of clothes, and we get rid of the problem…
too bad people have a hangup over nudity tho…

JustEric 1 year ago

Amen. And for what it’s worth, I think they’re being intentionally “thick.” I can’t imagine anyone not seeing the parallels. I think they’re just refusing to acknowledge it for whatever reason :)

JustEric 1 year ago

Most men don’t adjust themselves in front of women, either. Aside from my partner-at-the-time, no one has ever seen me do it. And I’ve only occasionally seen other men do it outside of a men’s room.

Nitpicker 1 year ago

Point of order: Sexism is discrimination based on gender. So, whether the target is male or female, if they’re being targeted for being that gender, it’s still sexism. :)

I have no idea what “reverse sexism” would be. Perhaps me hating everyone because I’m a man? Or loving everyone because of their gender? Who knows? :)

Jenny 1 year ago

I am DYING! Seriously almost peed in my pants laughing at this!

Christine 1 year ago

Ha, ha, ha! Tensile strength of his johnson! LOVE IT! I only disagree with #8. In my house, it’s called ‘private parts’ for a reason: we only mess with them in private. Goes for me and my boobs or vagina, or my husband’s and son’s penises. My son is a preteen and after reading this and a little thinking, I’m beginning to guess why he spends so much time in his room lately. Sigh.

Christine 1 year ago

I see a lot of discussion about adjusting body parts. I won’t adjust my bra or pull a wedgie in public, if I can help it. Now if my bra strap slides down my arm, or I turn and my bra doesn’t turn with me, causing my boob to leave the cup, I will do what I have to do (in the case of the boob leaving it’s holder, I excuse myself, had that happen once in a push up bra). I believe the appropriate thing to do is teach your child to try to excuse themselves to a private place (restroom or at least an empty aisle at the grocery store, just somewhere where there aren’t people around) to adjust themselves. I don’t have a penis, but I have tried to teach my son (with my husband’s help) that a penis is a body part to be respected, it’s the only one you have, and you should only handle it in private. If he needs to adjust something in public, he will whisper to me ‘cover me’ and I’ll look to make sure no one is looking and he’ll do what needs to be done, or he’ll excuse himself to the restroom. Women should do the same thing. I can understand something might cause it to get bunched or moved to the wrong side (yeah, I know the old ‘how’s it hanging?’ joke and what it refers to) and it might hurt, just make sure no one is looking, then fix it. I’ve had a ‘private hair’ get caught on the elastic in old underwear and understand pain ‘down there’ so do what you gotta do, but try to be subtle and private. :)

Dawn 1 year ago

No offense, but I Think we as women just need to get over it a little. Once it starts, it never changes. My hubby is 43 and does it all….. My son is 10 months and already has started some of these things! It’s the nature of the boy!

Dawn 1 year ago

My hubby is 43 and I still have to tell him all these things! ROFLMAO!

John 1 year ago

Tears of laughter

Luna Lianna 1 year ago

Women’s cloths often do not have pockets, and if they do have pockets they are very little. i have a couple of pairs of Men’s shorts that I wear when hiking just so I have pockets that are big enough for my keys and a phone. Heaven for bid you are fat or pregnant. Apparently plus size and maternity do not need pockets at all.

Joe 1 year ago

You MAY have raised two men, but you don’t know the first thing about having a penis. yes, we may have to actually more the body part, but that is because we have a different anatomy than you. you do not know the discomfort of your balls being pinched by your under pants or getting it twisted. and no, different clothes do not help at all.

do not tell me how to use my penis, ive had it all my life, and you have no experience with it other that having one in your mouth. so kiss my ass i say! as i jiggle my junk.

Chris 1 year ago

While I appreciate the sentiment, a woman talking to her son about what to do w his penis makes as much sense as me talking to my daughter about what to do during her period. Your hearts in the right place, but you will never fully understand.

Baby Rottie 1 year ago

I totally agree with you on that one! I’ve seen way too many other women use their bra as a purse, pulling out the cellphone, credit cards, cash, and even once, a tube of chapstick! Gross! My bras are for the boobs only, not sticky, sweaty bills! And unless that bill is brand-spanking new, fresh from the mint, and handled only while wearing gloves, who knows what kind of funky, disgusting crud is on there!

beawsomeb 1 year ago

A gentleman learns to control himself. I’ve got 5 boys ages 22, 19, 19, 7, 6, 1 and thankfully they do not normally do any of these things. Plus they wash their hands. I ask them if they have to go to the bathroom if they are grabbing in public. If the answer is no then- hey don’t do that. It’s the same for little girls grabbing themselves. I have 2 girls. If they are itchy they must need a bath. It shouldn’t bother them until puberty. And by then if they have a problem go in the bathroom and take care of it. No one wants to see that. There have never been any problems in public when this is the approach. And outside bathroom use is for emergencies only. As for brotherly competition, there are some things that bond brothers that should be overlooked as long as peeing competitions aren’t around others. As for bra adjustments that is dependent upon you view of breastfeeding. I believe if you feed in public and you adjust that is entirely different then adjusting day to day. Plus to adjust a shoulder strap is a safe area where to grab a boob is not appropriate. Just as to adjust a waist band around the underwear is appropriate but to grab your parts- at least find a discrete corner or turn from the crowd to do it in emergencies. And yes I know the discomfort of having a baby bite on my nipple in public and not let go- yet keeping appearances as to not draw attention to my self till the problem can be fixed- so guys can be patient too when public pain strikes.

Edward Monroe 1 year ago

I had mine taken off at 46 because I wanted to look like other guys. I never had a good self-image of myself. I wish I never had it done now. At 64 back then everyone was cut. Now even though I saw it looks better that it is not being done. I lost a lot of sensitivity. Teach your boy that Europe has it right.

mom2boys 1 year ago

I completely agree. Women shaming boys and men over normal human behaviour and getting all church lady about “adjusting” is nonsense.

We adjust our bras, etc.. it’s the same thing. You’ll never hear what anyone is saying if the goal is to make them wrong.

If a man wrote anything like this about his daughter and yes I have heard at the dining table a girl being told not to put the pees in her pee pee. He would be strung up. I’m a strong woman of two happy grown men who manage just fine being appropriate with their penis’s in spite of all the boy handling. I want to care about my boys psychological health too and we all should. But more sensitivity won’t hurt.

Edward Monroe 1 year ago

Never ever criticize his size while he is growing up. It will scar him for life and make him feel inadequate. When I was 11 I had to wear a jock strap for gym. the remark was made from my grandfather and uncle “why he doesn’t have anything to put in it”. I carried that remark all my life and have always felt inadequate of award in a locker room. I still have my moments. I am 64 years old. I avoided sports as much as I could. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I have found out I am much bigger than most now. I might have not had a weight problem. Also parents remember he gets it from your genes.

I was also beat when I peed with a neighbor boy outside. Bad thing. Made me self-conscious and could not use public restrooms after that. Boys like to compare and show off. They will outgrow it or get bored. Usually a couple of times will do it. I lived in an abusive house.

Also don’t criticize him if he is comparing it with other boys. It is a boy thing! Even if the boy is older. Boys want to know what they are like when they get older and what their peers are like. Fathers let them see you naked and if you have a hard on so much the better. Do be ashamed or they will be. They need to know what men look like. Boys now days need to know they are normal looking. Sex has nothing to do with this subject.

Teach your boy to respect others.

Above all it is okay to masturbate.

Citogal 1 year ago

Prophylactic removal is often prescribed by doctors if there is a family history of cancer.

Citogal 1 year ago

Wow, a lot of women do that? Personally sometimes my strap slips off my shoulder and I pull it up again, kind of like maybe a guy pulling up his pants so his butt crack won’t show, more preventative than touching my body parts. If I have to adjust my boobs, I try to find a washroom or private place. Even in a shared ladies room, I’d do the adjustments in a closed stall rather than have other women see me adjusting the girls…

And though the porn industry would have men believing that all women are completely hairless down there, even with maintenance, most women do have some pubic hair that often gets pinched in panty elastic, or stuck on the adhesive on feminine hygiene products. How about a maxi pad getting bunched up during menstruation? Or, irritation from a yeast infection, or underwear creeping up our butts. Or even the after-effects of spicy food. We don’t have dicks, but we often do have other things going on down there.

Touching yourself in public is about a sense of decorum. My mother taught me not to pick my nose or hock a lugie or scratch my crotch in public, even little girls do stuff like that. My mother is a “don’t do that, it doesn’t look good” type of person. I sometimes ask her “doesn’t look good to WHO?” and her mouth gets all pursety. Decorum says don’t touch your privates in public, don’t spit or blow your snots in the street. That reminds me of when I was 6 and our family visited a very poor country, my mother had taken me out while doing her errands. We were walking, not driving. The crush of poor people was all around. I saw a man blow out a humongous snot into the street, I mean I couldn’t believe something that big could come out of anybody’s head and not be their brain, which was gross enough, but then a blackbird swooped down and started pecking at it and that made me scream “Mom, look at that!” She just jerked me away, telling me not to look.

But I’ve seen grown men “jingling” their package like it’s loose change while having a casual conversation, no distress apparent. It’s not clear that they do it because they are signaling attraction, or it’s just habitual handling. I think most women understand adjusting. But constant handling is a bit off-putting, I never know where I should be looking.

Citogal 1 year ago

Ha, filthy lucre is everybody’s problem. If it’s more convenient to not have my purse with me, I keep my money in a little change purse that I can put in my bra for a short period of time, maybe a half hour – so money does not get my boob sweat on it. But, it’s a weird concept to me, my boob sweat is normally on the underside or between my breasts, not on the top slope near the bra strap, which is where the little purse goes, so these women with super sweaty boobs that soak bills seem very alien to me. If I somehow get super sweaty, I don’t want anything foreign in my bra, irritating my skin. Also, I don’t know where that money’s been before I got it. Might have cocaine on it, or snots from sucking said cocaine. Might have some guy’s ball sweat on it, I doubt every guy adjusting himself washes his hands immediately after. Might have some urine or feces on it if the last person didn’t wash their hands after using the toilet. Maybe it was in a stripper’s thong. Most guys I know sneeze or cough into their hands, then handle everything, including money. Yikes, now that I think about it, I probably should wash any cash I get, the ragstock in bills should hold up in the washing machine. If you handle cash, it’s a good idea to wash your hands frequently. Coins are bad too, people put it in their mouths or pick it up off the ground.

I’d like to buy more clothes with pockets, I once bought an expensive business suit just because it had a little inside jacket pocket like men’s suits have. Clothing manufacturers don’t think women need pockets. The last time I bought a dress, I was delighted the first time I wore it to discover there were hidden pockets – cash and spare change went in. My employer does not allow me to wear cargo pants to work. Cashiers and other patrons get annoyed and impatient when a woman pulls her wallet out of her purse to get money, then gets change and takes the time to put it back in securely, then stow the wallet and close the purse. A lot of sighing and eye-rolling going on.

Citogal 1 year ago

Well, if your daughter was playing with her vagina or showing it off or trying to stick things in it in public, especially to gross out a sibling, I hope you WILL say something to her. I have no problem with a man adjusting himself occasionally, it’s completely understandable. We women also would like to get our underwear out of our butts, but I’d say it’s exceptional to see a grown woman do it in public. I do have a problem if a man is obviously playing with himself with his hand in his pocket while he’s talking to me. And if a man has to adjust himself every 10 seconds, maybe a visit to a dermatologist is in order.

Psychnurse84 1 year ago

Omg, my husband has the helicopter thrust as well! They must teach that some where! Lol

Andrew 1 year ago

I may only have girls, but as a man, I feel duty bound to reply for all the Mom’s of boys out there that might get the wrong idea.

1. Relax; Your penis won’t fall off.

You say that, but we are not prepared to take that risk.

2. One exception: Having a firm grip on it is encouraged – and preferred – when using the toilet. It’s floppy, and when you don’t have it under control, you spray like a leaky hose.

True enough, and it helps us write our name in the snow. I still don’t understand, however, how you ladies manage to get pee all over the seat.

3. Keep it in your drawers, ok? (This is a piece of advice that will have a different, but equally significant, meaning during your teen years – so don’t forget it.) There’s really no need to lay it on your brother’s arm. Or dip it in your chocolate milk. Or poke it through the hole of a DVD. Or wrap it around your eating utensils. Or your pencil. Or your brother’s pencil.

Need? No. Want? Yes. Just like you are jealous that we can pee standing up, you are jealous you can’t just surprise someone with your vagina on their arm. Plus, penises are funny — you have never seen anyone running around wacking someone with a giant plastic vagina for no reason.

4. It might not hurt you when you stretch it out ten miles long like it’s made of rubber, but it hurts me just looking at it, so stop.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Boys need to know the tensile strength of their johnson.

5. On rare occasions, you may actually let go of it in order to grasp something else. Like a sandwich, or your brother’s face. In the event of such occasions, hand-washing before you touch anything else is the courteous (and sanitary) thing to do.

If he is going to have to wash his hand every time he touches his junk, his hands are going to look like someone with OCD-contamination obsession. Pick your battles.

6. It’s not the end of the world when it’s facing the wrong way or bunched up in your underwear. No need for a meltdown.

Says someone that doesn’t have one and, I am sure, constantly rearranges the girls in her bra. The bait and tackle need to be properly situated at all times.

7. It’s handy and portable and all that, but just because you can pee anywhere doesn’t mean you should.

Don’t deprive your child of important life skills. He will need to know how to pee behind a tree, on a wall, on his friend’s parked car, etc.

8. If you’re gonna stretch/dangle/pull/twist/twiddle or otherwise manhandle (boy-handle?) it, please do so in your room and spare us all a little awkwardness. Please.

Unless he is choking the chicken/beating the bishop/dating Rosy and her five sisters in front of you, its a you problem, not a him problem.

9. I’ve seen it a million times, so there’s no need to waggle it in my direction after your bath, nor make it dance and jump around by thrusting around like Elvis with a hula hoop. (This also goes for your dad, so pass that tidbit along.)

Helicopter time is for everyone’s benefit, not just yours.

Brad 1 year ago

There is this fantastic new invention to take care of that. They are called pockets! It is just as disgusting to see a heifer reach in her three sizes too tight bra and pull something out as it is scratching your rear end and sniffing your fingers.

Willow 1 year ago

It is EXACTLY the same thing!

It’s extremely uncomfortable to be around a woman digging her fingers about her boobs to adjust her chest. But WE do it because a bra can be seriously painful. What’s more, we do it with out even thinking about it, and we expect people, especially men not to look or comment.

So here is a tip, don’t watch a man adjust himself, and don’t comment. Sure it can sometimes be odd, or uncomfortable when someone starts touching themselves in a place we consider inappropriate for public, but they arn’t playing with it any more than we are fondling our boobs.

This type of reverse sexism even in it’s smallest forms like this article is so irritating. Just like all the married women posting half naked pics of channing tatum while complaining about what guys post.

Meredith Fitzhugh Boudreaux 1 year ago

“Have some ding dong dignity” made me laugh out loud 😉 Especially since my son just did the Elvis-in-a-hula-hoop dance this afternoon after taking off his wet bathing suit!

Mike 1 year ago

1. The gallbladder stores bile which aides in the digestion of fat.

2. The tonsils are part of the immune system. They, along with the thymus, produce T-lymphocytes.

With the exception of body hair and wisdom teeth, we don’t routinely remove the appendix or gallbladder unless something is wrong with them. We no longer remove tonsils as readily as we used to,

Daniel 1 year ago

Could not agree more. Adjustments are a necessary part of going through the day, whether it’s male genitalia, or female breasts, twisted up in their socially acceptable but confining garments. Why are we actually spending time on this? Humor, I suppose…

James 1 year ago

Regardless they are sex organs.

James 1 year ago

We’re just adjusting our “underwear” like their adjusting their “bra.”

John M Gigante 1 year ago

I disagree with #6 >_<

Dave 1 year ago

Some of you women are just being thick. You have a part of your body in an uncomfortable position, being held or outright pinched by an article of clothing, you choose to adjust yours but you think I’m going to be uncomfortable because you are present and might get offended if I adjust… You might as well get over yourself, because I refuse to be uncomfortable just so you can be.

Barbara 1 year ago

I have had (almost verbatim) every one of those chats with my son over his 21 years. yes, at 21 I still have to gently remind. So sorry to all those moms of wee boys that are thinking “he’ll grow out of this”. no he won’t haha. But oh the stories you will have for them later and oh the many interesting conversations that are to come. Thanks for the chuckle

Mudd 1 year ago

Here’s a theory, Women go out get yourself a g-string w ear it reversed when the small line of fabric pinches your labia Call me.

Mr.bat 1 year ago


EForest 1 year ago

Speaking about women pulling sweaty money out of their bras to pay for their purchase, as a cashier I can attest to it still happening. One of these days I am going to hand them back their change – but only after giving it a swipe in my armpit.

carrie 1 year ago

My son use to tug on use so much it made me hurt lol. Every time I turned around (about the age 4) he would be playing tug a war. I finally told him if he kept it up the wart he had on his figure might get on his penis and the idea of trying to freeze it off cured him lol.

Leah 1 year ago

Laughing out loud over here! Too funny… Great read to lighten up my afternoon!! thank you!

quinn 1 year ago

Yeah when you have to wear a jock 24/7, you can make a comparison.

Natalie 1 year ago

How did you see into our house! This really could be written by my almost four-year-old! I’m hoping something will change before kindergarten starts in September – at least during the day while he’s at school :)

Austin Elizabeth 1 year ago

Totally agree with (some) of the girls on this. You are uncomfortable, I get it. If I were to get a wedgie out in public I’d want to fix it, but guess what, I’d do it off where people don’t have to watch and I wouldn’t put my hands in my pants to do it.
Adjust yourself freely but PLEASE try to do it where everyone doesn’t have to see it.
And girls, I understand our pockets suck, we don’t always have a purse on us but a bra is NO place for money. It looks just as tacky and equally disgusting. Phone I can get just because it’s not like you are handing it to people and distributing it. It’s yours and very rarely do people touch my phone so as last resort I use my bra as storage for my phone. I don’t really agree pulling up a bra strap is equivalent to crotch fixing. strap=tiny part of clothing which is hopefully out of sight under clothes. Crotch fixing=your hand is obviously grabbing genitals and is either above or under clothes.
Seriously guys though, its not appealing to the eye so when at all possible face away from the group, go off somewhere or a bathroom and fix whatever is going on down there. No I don’t know exactly how yall feel but all the same. etiquette.

cpuenvy 1 year ago

And I adjust my balls when they need adjusting. If someone is offended by it, don’t watch.

Laura wood 1 year ago

Lol that is so funny little kids crack me up.

Gloria Flanders 1 year ago

You people seem to have missed the whole point. It was funny!
Funny, you know! Do you always analyze jokes?

Bill 1 year ago

Thank you, Rita. Very succinctly put. Allow me to share this link from last year demonstrating that the fascination with one’s own appendage never seems to diminish…

jessica 1 year ago

Amen to that. I’m with the guys on this one. Sorry ladies. You don’t have any clue what it is like to have one so you shouldn’t be complaining.

Stefan 1 year ago

I can’t wait for the reaction from all the women on here to my friend’s upcoming article. He’s a father of five girls and, as such, is an expert on vagina and breast etiquette.

Talita Dawson 1 year ago

I must save this and give it to my son when hes a little older and can understand things fully. Boys with their Penis.

David Spence 1 year ago

Mommy why am I circumcised. I did not ask for it but you have cut a piece of me off. Why do my Europeans still have their penises intact but you have mutilated me

Rachiepoo 1 year ago

Soo funny to read this but it’s soo true! Tho I do not and cannot have kids, I do remember very clearly when my baby brother was little. Especially around age 2/3/4, it was as if his hands were literally super glued to his penis. At times I think he really was afraid that something would actually happen to it or that it would disappear forever if he didn’t have some kind of constant contact with it at all times. oh gosh and bc wearing clothes made it more difficult, I don’t think the kid was even able to keep on any article of clothing, beyond his little briefs, for any amount of time longer then what was absolutely required of him until about the age 14! It really is hard for me to recall ever seeing him in anything other then tighty whitys for a good solid 10yrs! and even then it was ONLY bc he started liking girls and found out that if he wanted them to be around him then his clothes needed to remain on! Lol.

Rachiepoo 1 year ago

I gotta agree that no one wants to be handed sweaty boob money but I’m with you on the convenience factor Blondy! I’ve always been one to carry a large purse but if I’m trying to make a fast in and out trip somewhere then I bring only what is necessary (phone, money, ID, car keys) but like everyone else I only have 2 hands and juggling is not my forte! Once you add other items on top of the ones you brought in with you, it becomes too much! My ID & $ goes in one side of my bra, phone goes on the other side and if I have to, I clip my keys on my belt loop and I’m free! But even tho I admit to sticking items in my bra for convenience, it is only there as a temporary solution for the moment and not an all day storage spot.

Judith Johnson 1 year ago

3 boys and so funny! Lol

Richard 1 year ago

ummmmm……who does #4? That sounds like it would hurt…alot!!

SueS 1 year ago

Very funny and very true. LOL

Blondy 1 year ago

Haha!! I totally keep my money in my breasts!! Sorry it bothers everybody :( but it’s so convenient I will probably never stop lol!!!!

Brian S 1 year ago

It fascinates me that our society continues to condition women to believe that it is their job to control everyone and everything at all times. So much that they are the experts on how, when, and why boys interact with their own penis. Really, relax. Somethings are just not your concern. It is totally natural for boys to be aware of their penis. All your fixation on their body parts does is teach them that sex is nasty and bad. Body parts are bad. Boys are bad. Then you will wonder at his sexist misogynistic tendencies. Men don’t teach that. Shaming mothers do.

Barbara Howell Ariens 1 year ago

As a parent of only a daughter, I have been, uh, surprised more than once by my adorable grandson

Tkg Gray 1 year ago


Harvey 1 year ago

Oh really? A lot of you women need to know when to admit you don’t know something. Especially when it comes to….not ever living with a penis…it’s pretty simple

Harvey 1 year ago


Harvey 1 year ago

Seriously? You’re a woman, you don’t have male genitals, which you have no say in this matter. Your article makes you come off as….well, immature and unsympathetic. Not loving. How about ladies pipe down and act like adults, Christ. It’s pretty sad that him prob half your age too. Quit being a bad influence toward younger women

Lori 1 year ago

Exactly!! “please, just put it on the counter” *scrapes it off into cash drawer *

MONIQUE 1 year ago

well written and super funny

Robert 1 year ago

Who cares what you want? It’s his.

Phill M 1 year ago

Don’t forget to mention the joys of zippers. As a child of the 80s, with the one piece sleepers with the zipper running from the right knee all the way up, there were a few times something got caught in said zipper.

And having something that is suppose to point down but is pulled up (or, something that suddenly wants to point up, but can’t) because of tight underwear, or diapers, or whatever is uncomfortable and exasperating. Imagine how it would feel for a woman to have her breast pulled up into her armpit. It’s not the end of the world, but it can hurt bad enough that one may wish the world would end.

Joe Daddy 1 year ago

Not to mention that if I wrote an article telling my daughters what to do either their vaginas, I’d have the entire neighborhood outside with torches and pitchforks. But, when it goes the other way it is considered adorable.

Amy 1 year ago

Dr. Oz has been proven to be a crock.

Me 1 year ago

Well, that takes all the fun out of having one.

Eleanor Wright 1 year ago

Hilarious!! So totally true…

tracy 1 year ago

My son got a mosquito bite on his I almost died laughing. But I think he has nailed the whole list today because of it..loli know im a terrible mom to think it was funny, but all that kept goin thru my head was that ditty” theres a skeeter on my peeter whack it off”..

Beatriz Ruiz 1 year ago

Lol at #3

Stinkfist 1 year ago

Leave it to this generation of pretentious women to assume that because they raise boys, they are experts on an appendage they will never have. I have a 3 year old son, and if you take care in properly diapering, etc a lot of these things dissappear. The rest of it, it wrapping it around a pencil, sticking it through a DVD and dipping it in chocolate milk sound like a kid being a kid. And in all honesty, these are actions that will more then likely be repeated once said individual grows older and is introduced to alcohol at some point, regardless of how any times the all wise, all knowing, all powerful mother hen assures you she is an expert on something she knows nothing about. Leave this stuff to dad, and how about you women start teaching your daughters that having a vagina doesn’t make them any more intelligent, entitled, or better then members (haha) of the opposite sex. And on the subject of alcohol and adolescence, I have to point out the wanton misuse of “ye olde hatchet wound,” by its oh so superior bearers that happens around the same “coming of age” time period. And how frequently it actually happens to be caught on camera and grossly exploited in a crazy place we neanderthal penis bearers call the interwebs… Sorry to bring things to a head, but this article left me feeling a bit flaccid about the state of our society. Don’t want to seem like I’m trying to shaft anyone, but it honestly erects a bit of frustration for me. And it IS the same as adjusting your knockers in public, we just don’t whine retarded shit women do because we were also born with testicles which intrinsically inhibit us from acting like vaginas. Most of us, anyway…

Kre8eur 1 year ago

I’ve seen plenty of women dig in and pull up. Especially to give themselves more flattering cleavage. This isn’t bra straps we’re talking about, it’s flesh. Reproductive flesh or otherwise; it’s FLESH. Also; the day you can get torsion blockage in your breasts you can complain about a man’s need to adjust himself. We can actually develop SERIOUS issues from torsion. Blood flow is important as is position and is VERY uncomfortable to have one’s testicles bunched or twisted, not to mention the potential of organ death from a cut off blood supply because you insist we somehow wait out the pain until we’re in private. Stop speaking on behalf of all women because I know plenty. Not every one is tugging the bra; as I have said I see plenty of digging down and yanking flesh. Give it up already. You want to break taboo but keep adding more.

Marc 1 year ago

I’m just gonna let you guys and ladies have it the real way… sex is gonna do something that the other sex finds offensive. With that being said yes adjusting your bra is about the same as me adjusting myself. Of course you ladies arent gonna see it this way cause i mean men like boobs and yall ladies have a love/hate relationship with our penis. These dudes are right and studies show that the ball sack is nothing but a flab of skin made of many many many nerves, so any little mishap causes discomfort. Regardless of all this, women are gonna stick up for women and men for men but reason a little bit. Just because your boobs are in a bra doesnt mean that when you adjust the bra you arent adjusting your boobs as well cause that is exactly what is going on.Yes when we guys adjust ourselves its more of a display but i mean come on ours is just hanging almost at the center of our body so there is no real way we can just hide what we do. I mean honestly ladies we are grown so what a man adjusts himself and so what you adjust yourself, be a grown up its not like you are seeing the man’s penis flopping around while he is adjusting it or hey you can always just look away….but be grown about it. Everyone has discomforts and if you have to do something to make you feel comfortable im not one to say not to do it….because what really matters is that you take care of yourself….so if something dont feel right you are gonna make it…..but i promise you no one has ever died from seeing a man or woman adjust themselves so medically youll be ok…..have a great day

Kimberly Watson Taylor 1 year ago

Laughing so hard at the truth of this!!!

MonkeyMom 1 year ago

HILARIOUS!!! I LOVE the article and it’s JUST what I needed today – Thank you! When I got to #4, I nearly spit tomato soup across my kitchen. Well written and absolutely true… every word! Bravo!

Moe 1 year ago

All of these are the exact opposite of the truth!

Dustin 1 year ago

Way to tell a boy what he can and can not do with his penis. You said it yourself, you don’t have a penis, so not only are you not an expert you don’t have any experience what so ever. Raising a boy does not magically impart you with the experience of having a penis. While I understand the importance of teaching a child not to touch himself constantly in public, there are much better ways to do this than standing on your soapbox of ignorance ostracizing him for behavior that comes natural.

Nicole Slaughter 1 year ago

this is great … I LOVE IT. as a babysitter of a little boy, i wish he could understand this. ESPECIALLY in front of my 8 year old daughter!!! besides, all of you who are griping about this… you really need to LIGHTEN UP!! no one ever said it wasn’t normal. it’s for fun, if you can’t just sit back and laugh a little… this page is not for you. i think it’s the MOTHER’S who need to grow up!!!

SaintPeter 1 year ago

It doesn’t matter what the item in question is made of, its about making people in public uncomfortable… Although I couldn’t care less if guys or girls adjust themselves regardless of what they’re adjusting, I’d say its basically the same as blowing someone’s knows or fixing hair. In public, as long as you’re not breaking the law, sorry, but you’re gonna encounter uncomfortable situations. But theres a reason someone is adjusting themself, its cause they’re uncomfortable. So bottom line, being a male and having to deal with this thing flopping, dangling, sticking, and living between my legs, (something all women could only learn abut second hand, so no women know better about it than I or my male counterparts) I will adjust, scratch, pull, rub, shake, pinch and roll, and anything else to my comfort that I please. I don’t need permission, and I create my own etiquette for my body. Period. Furthermore, I wil never have a need to explain myself to anyone for it.

Dawn 1 year ago

All conversations related to this issue are handled by dad in our house. Unfortunately, it is more of a joke than a discussion!

Yavanna 1 year ago

Adjusting any personal body parts, regardless of being male or female, really should be done in private.

Gerald 1 year ago

amazingly enough, the senator that was going after Dr. Oz, has payment from the pharma. He personally does not get paid from any of the products that he talks about. He doesn’t talk about a specific brand. He talks about Herbs, Vitamins, Supplements. NOT Brand…..

thank you very much…

YourSonShouldBeMoreImportantThanTryingToBeFunny 1 year ago

With this kind of outlook and parenting, I feel horrible for your son. Smart money is on this kid growing up insecure about his body and instincts to a debilitating degree, while you try to get a chuckle out of your friends. ,

Douglas Gersh 1 year ago

Sound advice

Ladonna Vicznesky 1 year ago

Do you have a camera in my house? my oldest has been guilty all of these at one point or another. #9 especially lol

Dany McDaniel 1 year ago

Very cute!

jazz 1 year ago

Soooo true work in fast food see it all the time

Amber 1 year ago

Ladies see disgusting for men to adjust them selves. Men find anything on a woman sexy. So yea a woman adjusting her bra can turn on a man. Its not our fault that men sexualize women so much. There are some things that really should be done in private. For both men and women.

John 1 year ago

You just don’t know, do you Denise!

get real 1 year ago

and a bigger bra or halter for you

Jeanne 1 year ago

JustEric, it’s not the same thing. It’s genitals versus fatty tissue on a chest. The male equivalent would be just a guy reaching inside his shirt to scratch an itch instead of doing so through the shirt. Now if the girl was playing with her own genitals or digging a cameltoe out of her crotch, yeah, then we’d be talking even ground.

Harley 1 year ago

Having grown up with three older brothers and no sisters, I can say they were very discreet about adjustments out of respect. But they did still adjust. Maybe it’s just because I was surrounded by males the majority of my life, but it doesn’t bother me. I’ve had men touch themselves in front of me in a suggestive way, and I’ve had them do it innocently and there is a HUGE difference. I think of it like farting. You try not to do it in public but sometimes you can’t help yourself. And I think my husbands helicopter is hilarious. I do a similar thing with my boobs, so why shouldn’t he?!

Nicole Van Hoose 1 year ago

Holy crap, this is the truth!

Amber 1 year ago

I’ve been a cashier and agree with Cameron! Find somewhere else to put your money. Do not hand we sweaty boob money!

And for all the guys, adjust your junk all you want, I don’t think I could handle having those things hanging between my legs. But please please please pull your pants up. I don’t need to see your crack or underwear. This goes to the girls too.

Who’d a thunk 1 year ago

Correlation does not imply causation.

Madge Bloom 1 year ago

Simply too funny…

Amber 1 year ago

These are funny and I don’t even have boys, just 5 girls, haha. Girls (babies and toddlers) do some silly things with their genitals as well. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to tell my baby that the vagina isn’t a secret closet to store a toy or hide one from your sister! Simply not safe, darlin’!

I am laughing at all of the women trying to pretend adjusting your cleavage in public is somehow less awkward than adjusting one’s penis. I have large breasts and I’m not gonna lie, bra’s fit like crap, they get far too sweaty and uncomfortable outdoors and my shirts stick to them. Quite a bit of discreet adjusting goes on in public, not gonna lie, haha. Do I mind if a man does it? Nope. Grabbing himself likes he’s sizing up his business while walking around Wal-Mart seems a little out of line but a quick adjustment is nothing to be ashamed of. As for the sweaty money/credit cards, ladies… just say no. Your breasts are no place to hold those things. No one wants to touch your sweaty money, it’s gross. From one woman to another, buy a change purse or wallet, please. In other news, am I really the only woman who gets a kick out of my husband doing the helicopter? Hahaha

An Actual Guy 1 year ago

And your period leaking over the bed isn’t?? Oh right, it isn’t because its yours.

maggie 1 year ago

Dr. Oz was just ousted as a big ass fake

An Actual Guy 1 year ago

This is ridiculous. It makes as much sense as me writing an article about taking care of your vagina. I’ve seen a lot of vaginas in my day, but I would never write an article about it trying to educate little girls about it or their periods!!

And yes, adjusting your bra straps is the exact same thing as us moving our stuff around. Its from the same discomfort and aiming for the same goal…. comfort.

And yes, storing things in your bra is disgusting and makes you look like you were raised in the projects. It makes you look as a woman who smokes. Double points if its your cigarettes being held hostage by your bosom.

Beth 1 year ago

Just a thought on a comment in your post. Wouldn’t a thong just be a wedgie all of the time?

coral 1 year ago

Omg i am soooooo with you …..

Will 1 year ago

This whole thing misses the mark so badly. Just because you’ve seen a penis in no way qualifies you to dispense advice on how to live with it. You have no idea what you’re talking about. Just because I live with a teenage daughter who has a period doesn’t mean I can give her advice on dealing with it. Or tell her what to do the first time she goes to purchase a bra, or dispense advice on hair removal from the bikini area. There is no man in the world who will find one piece of funny or useful advice out of this, because we know what it’s like to have one. You don’t.

garbargle 1 year ago

If you use a ‘firm grip’ taking a piss, you’ll constrict the flow of urine and further disrupt the stream, genius. A passive guiding couple of fingers is all that’s necessary.

Evan 1 year ago

Sorry, boo. You are 100% wrong about #6. That is, in fact, the end of the world, and an issue that needs to be dealt with quite quickly. If your right boob could flip upsidedown ans slide under your left boob while simultaneously being squished, you would tackle that with immediacy, wouldn’t you?

Amanda 1 year ago

OH MY GOD that was hilarious! Love it!! This is highly relivent I’m raising two boys my youngest is 2 years old and my oldest is five years old.

Tabitha 1 year ago

Do not EVER put your cell phone in your bra! It CAN cause BREAST CANCER…Dr. Oz did an entire show on it…a girl was doing that from age 13 on…now she has Breast Cancer from it…please please don’t do that! Carry a small purse that holds the phone or wear one of the clip on cell phone holders…NEVER in your bra!!!

Mike 1 year ago

A lot of the women need to stop being so defensive to the fact that yes you indeed to can do something that is a disgusting display when it comes to your female parts. Re-adjusting yourself in public is just that. Now all you women keep on saying that you adjust your “bras” but there are many times when I’ve seen women adjust their side boob, pull/push and maneuver them into place, wipe off “boob sweat”, re-adjust their thong or underwear because they have a wedgie. Its all the same, you are adjusting a body part just like we are. So don’t go giving everyone the high and almighty talk about how its different for men and women. Its NOT! We adjust ourselves whether it is our boxers/underwear because they are not in the correct place and we are uncomfortable, your our parts moved around and need to be re-positioned to be comfortable. Same concept goes for your boobs and your bra being out of position.

Kate 1 year ago

Circumcisions are NOT necessary. There is no reason to get one and most medically advanced countries do not circumcise. I would like to see it banned just as female circumcision is. Torturing babies is appalling and to do it so his future girlfriend likes the look of it is silly. Let boys choose for themselves what they want later in life. I feel sorry for all circumcised men and I know more men who wish they had skin intact than men who wish they didn’t have any. And FYI girls have MANY more folds than guys and we don’t get in a huff about hygiene. Boys have one tiny fold that actually brings more pleasure…..hey guys here’s a great idea….lets cut off nerve endings and have erectile disfunction later in life because of botched surgeries. (which by the way happens more often than hygeine issues)

Sheri 1 year ago

Men and boys, this woman’s opinion is that if it feels uncomfortable, adjust it. I’d agree that it’s better to do it discretely, so turn around if you can, but it is EXACTLY the same as breasts not being comfortable in a bra. The other women who don’t see the similarity are fooling themselves (I don’t mean just shifting a bra strap…I mean adjusting under the breasts.)

russell engram 1 year ago

It,s nice to know so many ladies like the topic on a man.s penis,just saying,

Krista 1 year ago

Most women don’t do that, but still, it wouldn’t be comparable to storing something in the crotch area. I occasionally tuck my cell phone in there, ’cause, well, no good pockets. But still, adjusting a bra strap (tucking it under the shirt) or even storing something in there is different than messing area in the waste disposal area.

Bobby 1 year ago

You win the internet for today!

KipOffice Guy 1 year ago

I thought you liked when we did this. NO? My bad!!!

Steven 1 year ago

Funny and well written. A natural way to portray parenting challenges.
Some of the comments are offensive.I object to male genitals being referred to as junk. Our bodies are worth more respect, both men and women.

Rob 1 year ago

This was pointless, slow day and needed to post something? Its not even funny, and some of it is just plain off base and awkward. If you have a child touching his siblings with it, and pencils and stuff…. Then your kid needs a shrink.

Patrick 1 year ago

Supporting my brethren here, #6 is off the mark. Dictating how your sons *should* react when their penis is “facing the wrong way or bunched up” is highly insensitive and dismissive of your boy’s needs, particularly given the fact you have no idea what it is like to live with the male parts attached. As some of the other guys have mentioned, it is uncomfortable when things get out of whack down and in many cases, it hurts. It gets worse when you are active and even worse when puberty hits.

Is #6 and issue in our house with our three year-old boy? No, because we are sensitive to his needs and make sure things are pointed in the right direction when changing diapers – pull-ups are the worse offenders – and getting dressed in the morning.

I’m sure all the moms here bend over backwards for their children, but some of the mom comments here make you sound like you’re God’s gift to your child, when in reality they are gifts God gave us to care for. Listen to and respond with empathy to your children’s needs.

Millie Mandekic 1 year ago

I’m drying my tears of laughter…this is hilarious and so true. (with 2 grandsons, I know.

cbw 1 year ago

Wait, what? You mean that I can’t get urinary tract infections because I’m married? Well, my doctor needs to know about that!!

Drew Richards 1 year ago

Sounds like she is jealous. Penis dance anyone?

Rob 1 year ago

Sounds like your jealous lol or prudish or both either way we don’t tell you how to handle or not to your breasts leave us to our parts

Robert 1 year ago

I’m with JustEric.

Y’all should get over your whole, “Eek! A Penis” syndrome. If we’re adjusting, it’s not necessarily to show off but rather because as you pointing out, we have a dangling appendage jammed in our pants between our legs.

Also, 9 times out of 10, it’s not the penis being adjusted, it’s the scrotum. It’s not the most comfortable place to have a sack of sensitive skin with two equally sensitive testicles inside. The last time out of 10 it’s because it ends up tucked to the wrong side. I’m sure y’all won’t possibly understand this concept so I’ll just leave it at that.

Sorry, ladies, but if it gets wedged the wrong way between our legs, it hurts. if a hair gets pinched between our thighs, it feels like getting jabbed with a needle. Imagine your nipples suddenly getting pinched in a zipper and tell me you wouldn’t react immediately to fix this problem.

As was so eloquently pointed out in the article, no, you don’t have one of your own, and no, raising a son doesn’t make you any more “experienced” with a penis than raising a daughter makes a father an expert on a vagina.

Anne Hancock 1 year ago

Haha! Cute! :)

Gloria Licht 1 year ago

I have never laughed so hard as when I read this. Aw Boys what would we do without them???

Jean Smith 1 year ago

AND well written with great humor

Jean Smith 1 year ago

No boy babies… but three bothers.. I can see that this could be most helpful.

Denise 1 year ago

thejoker: Agreed…!!!

Manny 1 year ago

Funny how you all think a woman talking about her son’s genitalia is so cute. If a man spoke about his daughter’s vagina, you’d be contacting the authorities.

Denise 1 year ago

JustEric…It is definitely not the same thing. A woman/girl is adjusting an article of clothing. The guy is actually manipulating a body part that is attached to him. In order to avoid this disgusting display, I suggest a different type of underwear or looser pants in the crotch area. If neither of these helps, a visit to the doc to get a prescription should resolve the problem. And clean hands is “always” – “always” a necessity. By the way, I raised two men. My oldest had every one of the symptoms mentioned by Scary Mommy.

Magic Mike 1 year ago

While some men may develop manners, we never outgrow the facination with our genitals. My wife has to keep reminding me of at leat 2 of these on a daily basis.

Magic Mike 1 year ago

I’m 40 and my wife still has to tell me all 9 of these. Especially number 9 and something I call the “helecopter”

Wendy Hornyak Stanziano 1 year ago

Thank God my son has never been quite that obsessed.

Adeline Eaton 1 year ago

My LO is only 2 so I have most of that to look forward too…but right now I am giggling like a teenager…number 3…enough said 😀

Kim O’Connor Spearman 1 year ago

Boys are so much fun aren’t

Erica Cormier 1 year ago

3, 4, and 5 had me LMBO! Too funny

Heather Thompson 1 year ago

OMG that’s hilarious!!!

G 1 year ago

Or instead of acting like their penis is so gross, you could tell them yes that is your penis, its special for you and no one else so play with it when your in bed or the bathroom by your self.

Kim 1 year ago

Also, for all the men objecting:

1. Breasts are not genitals. You can hardly compare bra strap adjusting to touching your genitals in public.
2. My husband also thinks this is quite the reach (no pun intended) in terms of comparison.
3. You all can go ahead and grab your balls all you want. I wouldn’t marry a one of you. I also wouldn’t adjust my bra straps in public either or my labia, for that matter. But whatever. Grab your crotch all you feel like. And why not pick your nose while you’re at it?

Kim 1 year ago

Thank you scary mommy for helping me realize my son is perfectly normal. And thankfully not as penis obsessed as he, apparently, could be.

Kim 1 year ago

Agreed. Bra strap adjustment is equivalent to, I don’t know, why don’t men have to wear bras? 😉 But yes, it’s a

Whitney M 1 year ago

It is very rational when the children’s father or grandfather has had it. That puts the child in a MUCH higher risk. If rather take some precautions with my son than wish I did while he’s laying in the hospital with cancer.

me 1 year ago

Wow, I cant believe I just sat here and read all of this bs. Lol what a.joke, you people will argue about anything won’t you? That’s 10 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. What a waste.

Shayna 1 year ago

Uhm, married people are not blessed by the hygiene fairy, BF… They are just as prone to UTIs and yeast as their heathen counterparts. (Though being monogamous can eliminate nearly all STD risk, you are correct). But peeing after sex has nothing to do with morals, everything to do with ridding the urinary tract of bacteria of daily life that have gotten rubbed in during the “act of marriage”. I’m all for abstinence until marriage, something my hubs and I both practiced, but comments like yours are what make people like us look foolish. And it perpetuates the problem of people being taught that sex is bad and hush hush. Couldn’t be further than the truth, which is why we should treasure and guard it. Please teach your daughter how to take care of her “future married body” when the time is appropriate. If you don’t, her doctor will when she come for a mid or post honeymoon UTI.

Davis 1 year ago

Absolutely right!! Women complain about men, yet wonder why all the good one have husbands

bosco 1 year ago

It is mine and I will do with it as I please.. if you do not like it, do not look.. Women will show their cleavage and half of their boobs or more, any chance they get.. i have seen much more boob flashing then I ever have penis flashing. They call Boobs tata’s so much, that now I have started calling mexican omelets Frattitys.
Look to yourselves ladies, before condemning men or soon all of us will quit looking at you and get Husband of our own..

Laura Hart 1 year ago


Ruby 1 year ago

How many of the pro-cutters here are also in favour of FGM? If you aren’t you’re a hypocrit. I personally oppose Infant Genital Mutilation in all cases, this isn’t a health issue it’s a moral issue about whether it’s OK to physically “customise” your child without their consent. I can’t see how it can EVER be right in the absence of medical necessity.

bob 1 year ago

Yeah so is women with hairy legs and armpits but you really think that’s pleasing to look at ?

sam 1 year ago

Seriously? Masturbation you mean right..? You think its gross? Girls do it all the time. All the time

Bullchit 1 year ago

Wow. So many doctors

Crystal 1 year ago

I found the article idiotic and perverted!

Crystal 1 year ago

This is NOT cute or funny! It’s perverted! My son never did the ignorant mess mentioned in here and it encourages masterbation. This is so ignorant!

sam 1 year ago

I found this article condescending and irritating. if the same thing was written by a father for his daughters regarding their sexual organs it’d be considered weird. I have a son and I pretty much don’t care what he does with his penis, or even really notice that much…they’re kids. Of course they will dip their body bits in stuff and pull them and ..well. You get the idea.

Brandy 1 year ago

Funny blog! (And thrilled to find my son isn’t a rare case in his obsession with his very favorite toy! He’s never rubbed it raw or in any way actually damaged it, but I have learned in the past 2 years just how flexible and stretchy such a toy can be, stretch Armstrong has nothing on a wee wee!)
Blown away that there are any nasty comments about one’s choice to cut or not. Sometimes it is religious, other times it is based on which potential medical concern a parent decides is more likely to become a problem. As a nurse and a mom of both a boy and a girl, I am shocked to find that so many insults can be thrown out about a parent’s choice to go either way. There are pros and cons with both. As a nurse who saw a young boy (5) need to have his foreskin cut because in a very short time he developed a stricture that interfered with his ability to urinate and it became a medical emergency then an extremely painful recovery with ZERO evidence that the foreskin had been improperly cared for, I opted to cut. While my son did not get the option to choose, neither did that 5 yr old and he will remember the recovery from his circ where my son will not because he was 2 days old. I realize that isn’t normal, but what a horrible possibility for something that isn’t necessary. In geriatrics, sadly, strictures in foreskin is a very common occurrence due to ignorance of caregivers, but nonetheless an unpleasant experience should opening the stricture become a necessity. Regardless, any mom who choses not to cut should have her wishes respected as much as any mom who choses to and vice-versa. I find it very sad that in a case where such a private and very personal decision should be the right of the parents, anyone would find it appropriate to insult another parent’s decision. Very unfortunate that comments on a blog intended to entertain turned to that.

Chris 1 year ago

Anyone who agrees with #6 has clearly never experienced it first hand! Just sayin’ LOL

brandi 1 year ago

The day a brastrap is the equivalent to a mans sweaty balls is the day that will be discussed. And discussing a period is hardly the same at all! Let’s talk a woman playing with her labia in front of people and then well be equal.

Rachel 1 year ago

I think my husband needs this more than my son lol so I sent him the link!

Toni Hammer 1 year ago

Yes! Number 4 especially. My son is only a year old and he just goes to town while I cringe.

thejoker 1 year ago

If men aren’t allowed to do all these things, then women shouldn’t be able to discuss their periods in public either.

Anne Morgan 1 year ago

BF Urinating after intercourse helps to expel any bacteria from the urinary tract that may have found their way in during intercourse. It has nothing to do with morality, or whether the partners are married or not.

Samantha Sigafoos 1 year ago


Larry 1 year ago

I have never understood why (other than for religious beliefs/tradition) the decision to circumcise is not left to the child to make as an adult. He isn’t going to get penile cancer before age 18 at least. Seems like a person should get to decide what is done to their own body (baring any individual medical necessities).

Jessica Ball 1 year ago

Lol!!! Yes! This is perfect

Ella Booker 1 year ago

So glad I’ve never had any kind of experiences like #3

Aurorabird 1 year ago

Andrew.. she may not have a foreskin but she DOES have a prepuce. ALL mammals do. I would think the person that gets to keep their prepuce (Women in the majority of Countries) actually know MORE than someone that doesn’t get to keep theirs.

Wesley 1 year ago

Also my brother didn’t do any of these things and I don’t remember other boys doing any of them either.

Sandi Waters McMorrough 1 year ago

That was HILARIOUS!! Thank you for the laugh!!

DW 1 year ago

You forgot what being a kid was like, didn’t you? You can teach all you want, but it’s better for them to be prepared in the likely case that they’re tempted.

Wesley 1 year ago

I guess this is supposed to be funny but I don’t find it accurate, I didn’t really do any of these things

Louise 1 year ago

Thank-you, this was the best argument in the debate of to circumcise or not circumcise I have heard to date. I could really appreciate the validity of your stance.

Mom of 4 boys, uncircumcised

bross 1 year ago

They are unsanitary..penis’s with foreskin capture and hold a lot more bacteria than circumcised penises.

BF 1 year ago

How about just teaching ur sons and daughters to keep their pants on until they are married! Would eliminate most concerns for stds! I’m not gonna tell me daughter to pee afterwards. I’m going to teach her morals and values. I will teach my boys to keep their private parts just that, “private”. They will be taught to respect and value themselves and others! No I am not perfect and I don’t expect my children to be. But my teaching to them will be based on morals not well if you decide to then…..

Whatintheworld 1 year ago

Why has a funny post been overrun by a circumcision debate? Take it somewhere else.

Will 1 year ago

Sure, attractive women can adjust their bras in front of us, or even their pants just a little bit as long as nothing really shows. Hot girls have leeway we don’t because they are MAJESTIC.

Come on. You can kid yourself all you want, but the truth is that even a really, really good-looking guy is not majestic in the way females can be.

Take one look at Ashley Alexiss, Zooey Deschannel, or even old childhood friends of yours that are girls. Take that in, dude! Is it any wonder girls can do little things without being considered gross or off-putting (at least in some circles not so considered) that boys can’t? In adulthood, I mean, of course.

ams 1 year ago

How did the article turn onto a circumcision discussion? Since we are here, go to youtube and watch a baby getting circumcised. I personally would not and did not inflict that on my child. If he wants it cut then he can do so at a later age. There is nothing wrong with living life with what God gave you unless it turns into a medical issue. My son is still young but he will be taught proper hygeine and there will be no problems. The Academy of American Pediatrics does not recommend it and my local hospital will not allow it to be done on their premises anymore because it is unnecessary and been deemed purely cosmetic.

Brianne Geiger 1 year ago


April 1 year ago

Not that men are dogs but the old adage applies, “Why does a dog lick himself? Because he can!” And little girls / young women are fascinated with themselves too. Just nobody’s allow to write a blog post about it.

Andrew 1 year ago

Sarah, you’re not a man, so you have no real context or first-hand experience with this subject, you are only repeating what you have either read or been told. Please refrain from commenting on a foreskin at all if you have no direct knowledge about it or experience with it. Your son doesn’t qualify as a direct resource, because he has been conditioned by you and the environment you have provided, regardless that it is a positive one. The things you said about your experiences with your own son are circumstantial, not because he is uncircumcised. Not everybody is raised with such fervor toward penis’s as you imply you have.

Randy 1 year ago

I’m curious, Rick, what else you have had preemptively removed, to avoid cancer.

That is simply not rational.

Angel 1 year ago

I’m not terribly tolerant of pee on things. The boys kept peeing down the front of the toilet and one of them is so wiggly I didn’t trust him to stand on a step stool. I told my boys that they weren’t allowed to pee standing up until they were tall enough to do it well. Now that they are 8 and 10 I have no idea if they stand or sit, but we don’t have pee on the floor so I’m happy!

April 1 year ago

2-3 year olds

Jacquie 1 year ago

Having had a son after three daughters reading this truly made me laugh out loud :)

April 1 year ago

P.S. His wife won’t appreciate him much if he doesn’t learn how to dance around like Elvis with a hula hoop.

Joei 1 year ago

Just to respond to one thing – I, as a female adult, think an uncircumcised penis is very attractive. I’ve been with a few if each, and uncut penises are actually better in the way that there is less friction & therefore less pain (one of the reasons to have foreskin), it’s glands also help produce lubricants and anti bacterial properties to protect against infections.

As a mother, I’m glad I made the decision not to cut, he can have it done later in life if needed (I do know 2 teenage boys that have had issues with their foreskin and one chose to have a circumcision at 16 years old), but I don’t have to worry about regrowth of the foreskin (which is a painful and very real possibility for cir’d babies) and I’d rather teach him proper personal hygiene & condom use than pay for an elective surgery anyway.

(Girls need to be taught to pee directly after sex to avoid infections themselves, which is also a conversation parents should have with their daughters, on the topic of females with uncir’d partners & infection rates.)

Bethany 1 year ago

I’m guessing that the difference between your son and your friend’s is a personality issue not linked to the existence or non-existence of a foreskin. I have a friend with 3 boys, all cut, and they all have different habits with their penises.

Julie Riley 1 year ago

A good friend of mine had a nephew that CONSTANTLY had his hand/s down his diaper. I think he was 2 or 3 at the time. When his parents took him to the doctor for a routine exam they found out he had a hernia just above his groin. It wasn’t his penis he was touching it was the hernia because pushing on it made it feel better. He had NO symptoms.

Lora Corbin-Phillips 1 year ago


Danny 1 year ago

As a man, who went through boyhood; and a father, who watched (still watches) the awkwardness that is boys, I agree with and laughed at most of what you proposed here. However, #6 is cause for concern. If you tuck a nut into the wrong spot, it is not only uncomfortable but hazardous to your reproductive system. It’s ok to cry, repostition, and then take a moment to reflect on your life. The rest of your commentary is pretty spot on, hilariously so, for not having been a member of the penis owners club. Keep on writing and we’ll keep reading.

Carla J Chiara 1 year ago

This is some straight talk on rules of the ” unit” :) simple rules to make world less dicky! Lol Ty!!

Chris 1 year ago

This is actually disturbing on so many levels, a mother (and many others) that seem obsessed with their young child’s penises.. And then you have all the know it all females telling guys what’s best for their bodies. If we were telling you to wash your stinky v’s or get boob jobs or trim your bush, you’d be up in arms.. Guys are circumcised for a reason and have been for centuries, it is indeed more sanitary / less STD’s …. etc. if this article was meant to be funny, the person writing missed the mark, I actually found it annoying and a bit alarming ….

Kayla Fitzpatrick 1 year ago

Funniest shit Ever! Yet soo true.
Esp the stretching it part, My son kills me with that…

Basilice Bunch 1 year ago

My boys have taken the Weiner jokes outside of the house and it has become an embarrassing issue, all they want to talk about….anyone have advice to stop this epidemic?

April 1 year ago

I raised 5 kids – 2 girls and 3 boys… Though your story was really humorous and I agree with hand washing and aiming toward the toilet – Boys are proud of and obsessed with their penis because they are boys! And if they aren’t obsessed with it – touching and showing it at home, in the locker room and the board room, then they are NOT boys – they are GIRLS! Moms (and TEACHERS) need to stop trying to turn their sons / boys into daughters and then complaining that they aren’t manly.

It’s reported that Lyndon B. Johnson (ha ha) referred to his ALL the time, even in the White House, as a power play. Hence the term, Johnson.

Chad 1 year ago

Women are always bitching about “it’s my body, my choice” and yet they want to tell us what to do with ours? #doublestandard #sexism

Jessica Boeddinghaus 1 year ago

This is hysterical!!

Vicki 1 year ago

When your son at the age of 4 walks in on you when you step out of the shower be prepared to tell him like I did … ” … no my penis didn’t fall off … mommy’s, grandmas and aunties don’t have one because we are girls.”

Ann Stooks 1 year ago


Teala Renee Neering Besaw 1 year ago

That’s great!

Darrin McDonald 1 year ago

Too funny, too true!

Kelli Herr 1 year ago

So its not just my little guy? Thank goodness!!!

Belinda Heys 1 year ago

Love this!:)

Elise Sweet 1 year ago

Wish I had had this when my grown up boys were little!

Mary Stevenson 1 year ago

Just be sure you tell them if they pull on it really hard it will fall off and they will get a hoo hoo.

Ken 1 year ago

As the proud owner of a penis, I have some…er… first-hand knowledge on this subject and I’d like to point out that #6 is incorrect. If things aren’t adjusted quite right down there, it can be quite uncomfortable, especially if you’re wearing tighty-whities. Personally, that’s why I like boxer-briefs; comfortable and roomy.

Maureen Donnelly Salesi 1 year ago


Tiffany 1 year ago

While people arguing for circumcision can argue all they like there are some conditions that do require the foreskin to fix, I don’t necessarily consider one more clean than the other, it depends on a persons cleaning habits about that one. And while young males may have unclean habits so do young females. People who are uncircumcised can always be circumcised but the reverse isn’t true. It all comes down to choice of the parents and let that be that. No one parent can tell another what to do when it comes to these types of things.

Steven Hayes 1 year ago

I feel like there is a mild misandry happening here: the overt statement that boys are penis-oriented solely, and the implication that men are inherently bumbling and unthoughtful. Just some food for thought. Do pieces like encourage carrying around an attitude that categorizes and classifies young men into particular typologies?

Victor Leoni 1 year ago

Tell them also not only to wash their hands after touching that more importantly they should wash their hands Before touching it!!!

Christina Cruddas 1 year ago

Lol love this

Lisa 1 year ago

This. It’s like saying “oh no big deal, your arm is twisted and stuck in your sleeve. It’s not uncomfortable.”

Larissa Neighbors 1 year ago

I love this lol… Boys will be boys!!

rick 1 year ago

I think it is all in what you are used to. personally i have heard time and time again that a circumcised penis is much more aesthetically pleasing. Uncircumcised penises look like cigars. If you can’t even count on a teenaged boy to shower on a regular basis how can you have any confidence that he will pull the foreskin back and wash under it. I have also heard the statistics on penile cancer. In short I’m grateful to be circumcised and that my son is also.

Jim 1 year ago

Good point! I hadn’t thought of that.

Karen Boemmel 1 year ago

Some boys never stop. Make a rule that he has to be in his room or a private place. Don’t freak because he’s holding it. It’s natural and the bigger deal you make of it it will make him feel like his body and or penis is a bad thing or a thing of shame. My pediatrician told me this and my son is going to be 25 in October. He finally leaves his alone lol! Good luck

jonesy 1 year ago

uhhhh, yeah try saying that to the elderly men at the home where i work! They are soooo unsanitary, when you’re old, it’s hard to clean between your legs. Men with foreskin get tons more urinary tract infections. Even if that doesn’t really matter until youre elderly. Is IT so much more unsanitary.

Barbara R. Bowen 1 year ago

Roflmao!! How true this is!!

Chary Hively 1 year ago

I love you Scary Mommy. Really, I do.

Karla Garris Meeker 1 year ago

Hahaha hahaha! As a mom to 3 boys, I can truly relate.

Natalie McDaniel Merritt 1 year ago

Hahahaha! Definitely True on all of those!

Jamie Tevyaw 1 year ago

Ding dong dignity huh! This one is too funny, can’t wait to recite it to Matty someday. Lmfao

Jessica Barnard 1 year ago

Lol this is great!! :)

Nathan G. Smith 1 year ago

The author definitely has penis envy.

Jim 1 year ago

Penile cancer is almost nonexistent in circumcised males. It absolutely has everything to do with foreskin. That is not, however, a good enough reason to circumcise, because as you said the rate is very low even among the uncircumcised. Sexual partners of uncircumcised men do have higher STD rates, and heterosexual men themselves have a higher rate of contracting HIV. All of these things are true, no matter what you have heard, but are still not enough to CONCLUSIVELY say whether you should circumcise. There are problems with circumcision as well, and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what they are. Fortunately I have only had daughters so far so I haven’t had to decide, because it is a tough decision to make, and not just for your own child (thanks to the increased risk to others.)
I am all for choosing based on facts, but ignoring one side demonstrates inflexibility of thought.

Sarah Chaiban 1 year ago


Sheri Jones 1 year ago

Totally cracked me up!

Judy Sauriol 1 year ago

I would never have believed this before I had grandsons.. Lol Its so true

Natasha Antecki 1 year ago

Omg this is so relevant! Lollll

Steve Wengeler 1 year ago

Obviously written by a person that doesn’t have one.

Cameron 1 year ago

ESPECIALLY if they are sweaty. Having been the cashier before, we don’t appreciate your breast-soaked dollars. I promise.

Jane Hastings 1 year ago

This made me laugh

Cindy O’Neill 1 year ago

This is hilarious…and oh so true!

Jesse Murphy 1 year ago

How do I get my son to stop playing with and pulling on himself? He’s old enough now that it bothers me.

JustEric 1 year ago

Don’t forget storing things in their bras. Nothing more disgusting than seeing a woman whip a payment method out of the depths and hand it to a cashier. Blah

Anita Casey 1 year ago

Great laugh reading this – all mums with sons can relate to this one !

JustEric 1 year ago

I love how you say it’s not the same thing, and then list all the ways it’s exactly the same thing :)

Chasity Elderth 1 year ago

Lol I remember when my oldest son thought he lost his

Henry Petty 1 year ago

So glad my penis isn’t falling off

Hilda Rae Jackson Percosky 1 year ago

Love it, thanks

Javier Esparza 1 year ago


Camille Fox 1 year ago

Hahahahahaha omg that’s all too true!

Sarah 1 year ago

Someone please tell me how this has become a debate about circumcision?? Don’t ruin a funny write up by causing an argument over something that wasn’t even in the damn article.
Hilarious writing, got a good belly laugh from this!

Pam Okuma 1 year ago

Brings it all back!
She is right on all 9!!!

The Hands on Toddler 1 year ago

So funny! I have 2 boys (they are 3 and 11) and ALL of these are true!! My 3 year old came up to me happy to report that his pee-pee is getting bigger and bigger. I said, “That’s wonderful, Buddy!” (It’s always good to encourage, right? lol) Then he gets a weird look on his face and somberly says, “No, wait. Now it’s getting smaller again.” LOL Boys!!

Rosa Maria Perez 1 year ago


Kristina Fowler-Slattery 1 year ago

Wow…that was funny….I had tears in my eyes at points from laughing so hard

JAN 1 year ago

Mine was too..until he had a brother.

Tiffany 1 year ago

HARDLY the same thing at all lol. Grabbing your junk, unsticking your balls, readjusting by any means in front of someone is really awkward and frankly, a little gross lol.

Cathy Kelly-Langen 1 year ago


Cris 1 year ago

I have 2 year old twin boys and I can say this is 100% accurate. I find myself at least three times a day telling them it’s not okay to rub their penis on the front windows when the neighbors are walking their dog.

JAN 1 year ago

Actually we now know that although we can live without an appendix, it contains “good bacteria” that can help recolonize the gut when they are wiped out. Gall bladders serve purpose, ask anyone who has theirs removed about eating high fat diets. Just because we can live without something doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a purpose. You can live without appendages but that doesn’t mean they don’t serve a purpose.

mark 1 year ago

Typical sexist article from a woman. What is it with women in general over the past few years? You all have become soooo sensitive. You pretty much demand/expect comments like “oh you are so stunning” or “you look amazing”, yet hate the truth that should sound like “wow, you are pretty egotistical to post a picture like that”. And how dare anyone ask your friggin age — nothing like facts getting in the way of you feeling good about your self. And now I have to see this article on my facebook post about criticizing young boys and toddlers. You know why they all do that? Because they need to — duh. What’s next, get on them about pooping in their pants at 2? Good god, grow some guts and quit feeling like you have to attack the male species to account for your own insecurities.

Dave 1 year ago

Good information, however I’d like to read this from a dad’s perspective as all of these are from a non expert in the matter.

Gina Fasini 1 year ago

Really couldnt read with w/o laughing myself to tears!!!!

Margaret Groves Kilbury 1 year ago

It will if you mess around with my daughter! 😉

Shawn P 1 year ago

Yeah, but your comment, combined with #6 and #8, don’t acknowledge how many times I have gals in front of me or in front of many in public adjusting their bra straps, reaching in to the shirt or the edge of the halter top or whatever to tug at the edge of the bra around or beside or between the boobs. It goes both ways people.

guy 1 year ago

Horrible and very offensive story. If this was written my a man about his daughters and the random objects she will try and hide in her vagina, (yes, it will happen), the world would come unglued and call for his head.
I just found this offensive and not funny at all. Just my opinion. Sorry.

Sarah 1 year ago

Adam, that’s kinda odd you’d say we didn’t need gallbladers, body hair, appendixes, tonsils etc…. they don’t routinely need to be removed. They serve purpose. The foreskin serves a large purpose. There are many resources to educate yourself on what that purpose is. I’m sorry that you were misled. There are ways to restore if you are interested. If not, I am glad you are happy with your circumcision- just don’t try and justify a forced decision based on ignorance, fear, and misinformation.

Sarah 1 year ago

So, true!! A foreskin is very normal, not disgusting, and really, how can anyone tell a boy not to be obsessed with his penis if his momma was apparently obsessed enough to cut it! Lol. My son is intact and he rarely grabs his goods. Every now and then for a laugh. My friend’s son is circumcised and rubs the head of his penis raw :/ Poor kiddo. Penile cancer doesn’t have anything to do with a foreskin, and it’s rarer than male breast cancer. The U.S. has a very high STD rate and circ rate. So none of these pro-circ arguments have any merit. Don’t be afraid of foreskin and don’t bash it because yours was forcibly removed from your body without consent. Saying it’s dirty is a damn lie. My son stays cleaner than other circ’d boys, always getting stuff trapped in their ‘turtle’ buried penis and needing to be cleaned extra. :/ Just my experience having boy neighbors and daycare experience.

Jim 1 year ago

Having been in the possession of a penis for a number of decades, I take issue with #6. A bunched-up member is not the end of the world, but potentially the end of a good day. Just teach discrete management rather than meltdowns :) Also, the way little boys use them, it should still be pretty sanitary. Hand-washing may be courteous, but no more necessary for sanitation than when they touch, say, their elbows.

Amy Noone 1 year ago

As the mother of a boy (only child) who isn’t even 2 yet… I’m crying and rocking in the corner. And I fear his father’s only reaction will be dying of laughter when our son, say, sticks his penis in his milk…

Pam Shropshire 1 year ago

As the mom of 2 boys (both grown now), I definitely related. Hilarious!

Jim 1 year ago

Not quite unsanitary, but partners of uncircumcised men DO get more STDs. The main risk for the man himself is penile cancer (still quite low) and infections when they ARE unsanitary. Circumcision has its risks too, though.

Autumn Scott 1 year ago

I have five boys…..

Whitney Riffe Warner 1 year ago

This is too fun!

Ashley Lawson 1 year ago

Lol so true!!

Catriona Hetherington 1 year ago

Love it!

Ashley Windust 1 year ago


Debbie Wurmlinger 1 year ago

So funny!!

Leonie Davis 1 year ago

Lol….I got an elvis show just last night Anna Hitchcock

Eloise Gusman 1 year ago

I am still laughing! Thanks for sharing!

Sean 1 year ago

Having been in possession of the appendage in question my entire life, I would like to take this time to address your points one by one.

1. How can you be sure?

2. You have the capability to lift the seat just like we do…how about you meet us halfway?

3. People only grow through testing their limits, therefore how else are we to discover the limits of our penis if we don’t do the same? Besides, if we don’t lay it on our brother’s arm first, then he will.

4. Then I suggest you look away. Reference point 3.

5. See point 1.

6. Oh. My. God. Yes it is. Do you like it when your boobs are in a too-small-bra or stretched out and under your arm pits…same thing. Each penis has a special position.

7. False. If we shouldn’t be everywhere, then we wouldn’t be so conveniently constructed to do so. Go ahead, be jealous.

8. Fair enough. Deal. But you have to knock before you come in.

9. The fact that you have to include dad in this just goes to prove that this behavior is as much a part of our nature as stretching after a long nap or a dog shaking when he gets wet. It’s just something we have to do. Sorry!

I hope this helps clear things up.

Sylvia J Sattler Hofland 1 year ago

I have four!

Kelly McCall Brown 1 year ago

Laughing so hard…

Wednesday Bravo Morales 1 year ago

I am so glad that I found this page. It will be so helpful.

Nikita DeWulf 1 year ago


Sally Roberts 1 year ago


Amanda 1 year ago

Perfect! I’ve got a 4 year old son, and most of this list applies already.

Melissa Ortiz 1 year ago

Lmao!!! I have 3 boys. True, true and true.

Kelly 1 year ago

This is one of the funniest blog posts i have read in ages, thank you for the laughs!

mommyster 1 year ago

My sister in law posted this for her twin sons… they are 35 years old. LOL.

Damir Fonovich 1 year ago

This is an insult to penises.

Gavin 1 year ago

What people do you know that put their penis on their brothers arm or wrap it around eating utensils? What the fuck!

Angela Canizales 1 year ago


Heather Mitchell 1 year ago

Always comforting when I know it’s not just my boys. Lol

Brian Pechin 1 year ago

mine did

Seth Tearz 1 year ago

As a male for the past 37 years, I have to vehemently disagree with #6. The world, since it revolves around me, must stop until I can get my unit situated comfortably.

But yeah, you nailed the rest.

Crystal Duncan 1 year ago

I have 4 boys as well and can relate to each and every word that you wrote! Lol!! Love it! Thx for sharing!

Hannah 1 year ago

Foreskins aren’t unsanitary at all! They’re not necessary, sure, but to claim them “unsanitary” is false. There’s nothing wrong w/ having a foreskin, or not having one.

Penny Power 1 year ago

As a mam of 2 boys I had to share, so funny

Stacey 1 year ago

LMAO! I am a mother to all girls but this is priceless! Silly boys!

adam 1 year ago

Wisdom teeth, appendix, gall bladder, tonsils, and body hair are supposed to be there, too, except evolution hasn’t caught up to medical science yet. So we eliminate unnecessary and unsanitary body parts.

Kayla Kreutzer Neemeyer 1 year ago

In my 20 week ultrasound my son was playing with his penis. It starts young.

Melissa Joyce 1 year ago

I have not gone through most of these yet.

Shannon Klein 1 year ago

I don’t have a boy but I’m expecting a (surprise) in Sept. This gets me to wondering about baby boy-penis psychology. What are they really getting at and how best could moms deal? I know this isn’t scary-mommy territory but it has me wondering…

Brian Fox 1 year ago

Women, am I right? Ya’ll will never understand a mans fascination with his own genitalia.

Michael 1 year ago

Obviously written by a Mommy, because, while most of these are true, I can tell you as a Daddy, that #6, can be a big deal sometimes. Switch the girls around into the wrong cup of the brassiere and tell us how comfortable that is.

Michelle 1 year ago

“Mac, get your hands out of your pants.” “Mac, get your hands out of your pants.””Mac, get your hands out of your pants.””Mac, get your hands out of your pants.” (life at our house…)

Mary Haddock 1 year ago

I have never laughed so hard…..

Kerry Brind 1 year ago

“Ding Dong Dignity” Inspired genius! Am so bookmarking this for my 7 month old son to read… when he can!

Derek Read 1 year ago

I definitely disagree with #6, and so does every baseball player, soccer player, football player and any other owner of a penis you see adjusting it while playing sports 😉

laci 1 year ago

Oh lord I have 3 soon to be 4 boys and this describes it perfectly !!!

Cara Wortmann 1 year ago

I have two boys 7 and 9. This list is so true, yet hilarious!

M Jason Brown 1 year ago

#6 is definitely from someone who does not have one.

The others I’ll buy

O’Boy! Organic 1 year ago

I seriously think I just peed myself! My youngest had and still has some of these traits. Its actually become a huge joke with our family. Gotta love boys!

Hilary Geis Filbrun 1 year ago

#4 – I almost spewed my frappe when I got to that one! So true! And for your future children, please don’t squeeze your balls like play-do!

Kristi Hudson 1 year ago

That’s hilarious!

Tamsyn Taylor 1 year ago

So funny and so true!

Amanda Hilas 1 year ago

Omg! So true and hilarious!

Lori 1 year ago

This was exceptional and timely considering my 3.5 year old was dancing/thrusting yesterday and when I asked him what he was doing? …. “I doing the penis dance.” That’s just fabulous, son…. fabulous.

Emily Underwood 1 year ago

Number 4! I’ve been there

Anthea Kwaw 1 year ago

Love this – so funny but so true x

Kerrie Pinkney 1 year ago


Mona Clark Wilde 1 year ago

Omgosh! This made my day!

Liz 1 year ago

OMG #9… Yeah, the almost 40 year-old-man in my house still does this… lol!

Miranda Prock 1 year ago

Too funny! And amen

Susan Landrum 1 year ago

It is all so true

Brianna L. 1 year ago

I’m a mom of three boys (5, 2, 4 months)….I am framing this article & hanging it in their rooms!!! Awesome!!

Stacy Tina Zachary 1 year ago

Hahaha…I’ll have to share a story with ya all sometime…:) He seems to like the underwear hole a lot…lol

Kelly Bopp 1 year ago

I’m cracking up. So good.

Kimberly Herp Bowles 1 year ago

HIPPO… balls get itchy, its a fact of life. I think bra adjusting and nad adjusting should be socially acceptable. I would hate having itchy balls and having to wait until I was alone to scratch.

Julie Callow 1 year ago

Omg this is brilliant. This is so Harrison lol xxx

Jennifer Schroeder 1 year ago

And you won’t go blind, either.

Cecilia Thurber-Lillard 1 year ago


Patti King Kapral 1 year ago

Ooohhh- so true!!!!

MyLove M. Barnett 1 year ago

Spawn is almost 5, and he vacillates between “Don’t look at me, I’m nekkid!” and “Hey, watch this!” as he does the hula ball dance :/

Jamie Lee Dennis 1 year ago

I’m crying! Sooooo funny

Jo O’Hare 1 year ago

Haha brilliant 😀

Angela Lange 1 year ago


Candace Cook 1 year ago

Haha! Great list! We have experienced every one of these in my house. Another one I deal with is the “lost” penis: my 2 year old put on undies after his nap the other day and then FREAKED OUT because he couldn’t see his penis! (Never mind that we put on undies every dang day.) He kept asking me “Where my penis? Where my penis?” I said “It’s in your undies, son.” So he looked and said “Oh!” and ran off to play. Ah, gotta love little boys lol.

Sheila Dwyer Boyzuck 1 year ago

I have 4 yo twins boys. I love this… Especially #3!

Alexandria Shaban 1 year ago

Lol my 2 yr old doesnt know how to leave it alone! And he touches it in the most embarrassing places! Lol I loved this

Donald R Curry 1 year ago

My grandson (age 8 months just discovered he has one).

Wendy Lawson 1 year ago

I finally told him that I was going to put down some cheerios so he could practice his aim. That made him a little mad, but at least I’ve seen some progress.

Lauren Hulme Lowell 1 year ago

Love this!

Elizabeth Aycock Bagwell 1 year ago

Hilarious & so true!!

MyLove M. Barnett 1 year ago

OMG preach! BTDT and I do NOT gather laundry from my son’s room anymore for just that reason. Time to learn how to work the washing machine, sonny boy!

Jennifer Valencic 1 year ago

Already starting. Yup.

MyLove M. Barnett 1 year ago

LMAO I didn’t think of it like that, but YES. I’m constantly adjusting the fun pillows. I generally DO try to at least turn my back to the room, though.

Adrianne Ward Burney 1 year ago

That’s why I taught my son to take some toilet paper, fold it up, & WIPE THE SEAT after he urinates all over it! Sheesh, by 4 you’d think they’d start aiming better!

Betty Koermer 1 year ago

lol, yes, this is for grown men as well!!

Lisa Eri Backovsky 1 year ago

OMG!!! Ha ha, can I get this in poster size for my boys’ rooms??

Adrianne Ward Burney 1 year ago

I laughed so hard, I shared it!

Jen Eslep 1 year ago

Priceless!! I will have to make my 5 year old aware of these facts:)

Madelyn Stearns 1 year ago

Right? I don’t want boys.

Marcela Marchesini Kapfer 1 year ago

We have four. Uf.

Alexis 1 year ago

I have two sons (8 and 6) and this made me laugh so hard I cried. So true!

Madelyn Stearns 1 year ago

Since we have to deal with our husband’s and sons’ all the time 😉

Peggy Jillian Danson 1 year ago

Things like this are why I’m glad I have a girl!

Madelyn Stearns 1 year ago

But kids need to be taught what is an acceptable/appropriate time to explore their private areas. It’s a parent’s job to teach that. There is no “stop looking”.

Michelle Paull 1 year ago

Loved it! But it actually get worse….oh god…..

Kelly Plair 1 year ago

Mine has already found his at 5 months!

Sue Snodgrass 1 year ago


Heather Poling Garrington 1 year ago

My 5 year old found his friend around a year and Im still waiting for him to realize it will still be there even if he doesn’t have near constant contact. I did tell him it would fall off if he kept messing with it but he is smarter than the average bear and informed me that it wouldn’t because he had been holding it and it had not fallen off yet.

Rosie Berkes Rubio 1 year ago


Greg Henry 1 year ago

I’m so relieved to finally find out after 41 years that it won’t fall off

KEBMAMA 1 year ago

This has me laughing so hard as my DS10m is suddenly fixated on his wang. I encourage self exploration and allow nakey time to be organic for my little monster but the other day I just about fell over laughing when after doodling around with it for a while I realized he was trying to figure out how to get it in his mouth like everything else in his world…

Iyleea Torres Sylvester 1 year ago

Oh that’s funny and I would say I am lucky to have girls, but I know girls have their own set of etiquette issues.

Cameron Gamble 1 year ago

This made me laugh out loud-often! It also made me glad I only had two boys and that they were 9+ years apart.

Alicha Hatch 1 year ago

f’ing bitches! never said I was perfect nor my son. but my kids have never wanted to run naked through the house. this is part of being a boy but to make a big deal of nature is just sad you would do that to your child. telling him it will fall off and such is just cruel. good luck perfect mommies I will go enjoy time with my kids and not surfing facebook etc for entertainment. (written while mine are having a snack)

Candice McCulloch Aycox 1 year ago


Caity Dalton 1 year ago

I laughed so hard.

Jennifer Suhay 1 year ago

This definitely made me laugh and SMH. My husband is the oldest of 4 boys (I have 2 older brothers and a younger sister- my brothers were generally private when it came to talking about their private areas- of coursr theu didnt mind burping, passing gas, or talking about cups or getting hit in the balls in front of us).
Anyways, we have one 14 month old daughter (who is already exploring and grabbing her girl parts anytime we change her diaper >_<). We are also due in November and find out at the end of the month whether it’s a boy or girl. I can already see these conversations coming up eventually in the future (if not for a son than at least with my preschool nephew).

Dara Leigh Cartmill 1 year ago

HOWEVER, I would really rather not catch a glimpse. It makes me 4x as uncomfortable as it makes you. Especially if that “glimpse” is long enough to notice “changes,” so please, close doors, wrap towels, do what you have to do. If there is a slight slip, we can both just agree to pretend nothing happened and never speak of it.

Julie Robertson 1 year ago

Too funny.

Vicki Kovacs-Cantlin 1 year ago

That was kinda gross

Alexandra Sliwinski Kavana 1 year ago

This is great!!

Jessica Alexander 1 year ago

Oh GOD it’s already happening (many of these things). I’m not sure how handling this situation with Liam is going to result in any positive outcomes…I’ll leave it to Dave Harvey. lol

Dara Leigh Cartmill 1 year ago

When my husband brought the bed sheets to my attention, I was so grossed out, and I asked him what age he was when he started doing things that would stain sheets, he just smiled a dirty smile and said “Why do you think I mention it now?” Boys. Are. Gross.

Alexandria Garcia 1 year ago

Haha reminds me of my nephews. And prepares me for when Abel gets here

Dara Leigh Cartmill 1 year ago

It’s a little (ok, more than a little) strange when people think that their sons’ lack of fascination with his penis makes them a superior parent. USUALLY, I’ve found these are the same people who are uncomfortable with the word PENIS. I have two boys, different as night and day, one is vaguely aware that he has one, the other considers it his best friend and never misses an opportunity to “greet” his friend. NOTHING I’ve done as a parent could change this behavior, it’s just who they are. If you have a son who has never greeted you with a woody, congratulations, you will probably not be so lucky with the next child. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kris Callaghan 1 year ago

I would like to agree with you, but with boobs the size of watermellons I ajust those constantly lol so…>>

Jennifer Smith Graves 1 year ago

So true!

Raquel Skelton 1 year ago

That is funny and accurate!

Beatrice Leavens Brown 1 year ago

Thank you for laugh. I have a son, I could have used this a long time ago.

Nelda George 1 year ago

So true!

Alicia Carter 1 year ago

After about 4 or 5 times of having to wipe down the seat before i sit down in my husbands pee, i started taking the TP that i used to wipe and putting it on his pillow….what’s said is that doesn’t work :(

Megan Garcia 1 year ago

I will never forget the look of horror on my sons face when he came out of the bathroom holding himself saying ‘I’ve got a ball in here mom’. After calming myself down I told him to ask his dad about it when he got home. That one went in the baby book!!

Alexa Van de Sluis 1 year ago

Good to tell your boys Sea Noest-hermans 😉

Alyshia Smith 1 year ago

Ohhh man…. Wish I had these when I first had my boys. Why are they so fascinated with it? I was never that attached to my whoha as a child… That came with age

Brittnee 1 year ago

My boys of 6 and 5 are the same way. I’m the only girl at home and am constantly baffled at the amount of contact they make. I really did laugh at loud and then called my husband to read this. Thank you for the laughs!!

Tara Altier 1 year ago

Number three!!!

ChrisandBeth Grider 1 year ago

Lol this is hilarious!!

Amanda Hammon 1 year ago

Got to be careful of those Wiener Snatchers!

Kyle Baker 1 year ago

This is all bad advice. Lol, we never grow out of these things.

Tina Marie Goebelt 1 year ago

My son takes great delight in doing what he calls “the penis dance” when he gets out of the tub. I so needed this to remind me I’m not alone!

Tut TheSphynx 1 year ago

I have girls. This made me really laugh.
Some women are frigid here obviously. I can help, raise your right hand. Now reach down and back behind your bottom. Grab that nasty old stick you’ve got shoved up there and pull, real hard.

Dara Leigh Cartmill 1 year ago

OMG True story – my son was potty training, which means I was letting him run around naked (because that’s how I do … ). It was early February, and he followed his dad outside briefly when daddy took out the trash. It was 22 degrees outside. When we caught the little turd and brought him back in, he looked down and cried out, “MOMMY, IT’S GONE!!!” 30 minutes later I stopped laughing to assure him he still had a penis.

Terri Kern Vessels 1 year ago

LOL I needed to laugh today!

Ginger Roso 1 year ago

I have twin boys and I am DYING right now

Al Chernisky 1 year ago

Since when is a person without a penis become an expert on them? 😉

Ashlee 1 year ago

Oh my this was too funny! My son is only 11 months and we were so shocked by the way he’d pull on it in the tub, it looked so painful, I guess that’s only the beginning!

Marie Plueger 1 year ago

I have 2 daughters and this made me laugh so hard! Passing this along to my friend who is having a baby boy in August she’ll love it!

Anyssa Rae Garza 1 year ago

However it will fall off if you don’t bathe! Wink Wink one of the many ways I have to convince my 3 and 5 yr to bathe! lol parenting at it’s finest!

Jessica Fillion 1 year ago

Alicha Hatch if you are implying that the rest of us who have little boys who prefer to be in the nude, and are curiously occupied by their appendage between their legs, are disrespectful, you might want to seek some professional help to remove the stick stuck in your rectum. And a self awarded crown of righteousness and perfection, is really no award at all. So maybe it’s a good idea to follow your upward pointed nose out of here and find more plastic unreal mommies like you somewhere else. Your type is overplayed.

Carolyn Beeman Carr 1 year ago

Ha, ha! Yep, they all do it!

Cherie Voit 1 year ago

I don’t have boys but this made me laugh out loud. I did have to say a few similar things to a little neighbor boy who was fond of showing off his ” ding dong” every chance he got.

Toni Jo Moore Hoffman 1 year ago


Dean John 1 year ago

its mine ,u can’t tell me what to do with it

Sara 1 year ago

As a Mother to two boys and an Early Childhood Educator, I see these pretty much daily. The kids I care for are lucky I probably won’t be around when they start dating but my own boys are screwed. I have so many pictures and so much blackmail.

I know it’s normal, but at work when they have their hands in the diaper and touch EVERYTHING in the classroom I get so annoyed. I have to sanitize all of that now. Thanks penis fingers.

Dorothy Lee Winkelman Everly 1 year ago

Could have used some of this when raising my 3.

Geri Johnson Foster 1 year ago

OMG this is funny!

Megan Timmins 1 year ago

Omg I was laughing so hard reading it to my sons.

Courtney Patten 1 year ago

I am saving this for my son when he’s older and I’m going to show my fiancé this too. He could use some of these tips too lol

Gina Hamilton 1 year ago

I love this!!!!

Michelle Wylie Van Pelt 1 year ago

#9!! LOL!! My 7 Y.O. LOVES to flash me after his shower! I scream like I am surprised and we crack up!

Bronwyn McKinnon 1 year ago

Priceless!!! I just read it to my boys, and they laughed just as hard as I did! :-) thanks for sharing!!!!

Amber Tinsley 1 year ago

I keep telling my two year old that his penis is in fact not a stretch Armstrong…

Clare Neill 1 year ago

#3 and #4 made me laugh so much! :-)

Patricia Castelhano 1 year ago

AWESOMENESS, thank you!!!!

Danielle Anderson 1 year ago

L.O.L. I have three boys. I TOTALLY get this.

Adrienne Bare 1 year ago

lol, my 4 year old thinks it’s so funny to pee and then not hold onto it and even laughs so it starts bouncing up and down

Anna Russell Moore 1 year ago

The fascination starts young, does it not?!

Chris Ferris 1 year ago


Adeleeuw 1 year ago

That’s funny! She says she has never had possession of a penis before! I wonder how she became a mommy then! Lol

Vanessa Hahn 1 year ago

hahah, I will be having a boy any day now and this just made my day :-) Too funny!

Joanne Davis 1 year ago

LMAO… I need to print this one out…

Brianna Madsen 1 year ago

I’m so glad I have a girl.

Nicole Miller Eagan 1 year ago

My boy will be 2 in a few weeks, so fortunately we haven’t experienced most of these YET. However, I can definitely relate to #4. The squeezing and yanking and twisting…it’s really painful to watch!

Khara Barnette 1 year ago


Jill Vasas Alvarez 1 year ago

SO funny and a nice warning for some of the “creativity” I can expect from my just-now-discovering-it little boys!

Natalie Wyche 1 year ago

Love #9 lol although I did tell my 3yr old when he was refusing to potty train and holding his pee until night time when he would get the pull up that it WOULD fall off if he didn’t pee in the potty lol and he’s been potty trained ever since

Jenny Cooper McEntyre 1 year ago

This really made me chuckle! I have three sons and just looked up to find the youngest watching the TV with both hands firmly down his shorts lol

Jenny Zipp Atchison 1 year ago

Had to share! Too funny!!

Norah 1 year ago

The last one…okay the whole article… had me bent over with laughter. The last one however really made me laugh because my boy (who is now 12) used to play “Weezer Tag” when he was little with his mortified, horrified and thoroughly disgusted sisters. When he would get out of the bath and I would wrap him up in his spidey man towel, first chance he got he was out the bathroom door running through the house to see which of his sisters he could “tag”!

Travis Axtell 1 year ago

Mom’s stop watching then!!!!

Megan Gipson 1 year ago

It’s like I wrote this myself lol

Sierra Rose Brown 1 year ago

haha this is hilarious!!! my 1 year old grabs himself in the tub or when im changing him, or really anytime he is naked so….. G, i cant wait till he can take his OWN clothes off…. should be interesting lol however, i grew up with 3 older brothers and didnt see them letting it all all hang out THANKFULLY! So lets hope my son takes after his uncles…..

Angela Harmon-Crum 1 year ago

So cute!

Tina Newsome 1 year ago

Love this one

Jackie Robb 1 year ago

This is awesome!!!

Theresa Brumley 1 year ago

I believe if you can say. My lil boy has never to any of these. You may want to go to his dr.
All lil boys at one time or another are interested in their weenie. It’s apart of being a boy. I would worry if they didn’t play with it at one time or another.
If your boy isn’t comfortable as a tot grabbing it or shaking it as they run from the tub naked. You may be the problem. Don’t think it has anything to do with being respectful or the perfect lil boy. Let your boy be normal it’s part of the joys of raising boys.
Just my opinion. I’m allowed to have one. I have 4 and wouldn’t change any of them ever.

Olivia Dahlgren 1 year ago

Lol! Love it.

Devan Goodson 1 year ago

Haha number 9 is great

Maria Conley 1 year ago

Omgggggg laughing my ass off……perfection

Rebecca Labonte Montanez 1 year ago

EVERYBODY – Can we take a minute and give Alicha Hatch a round of applause for being perfect… Anybody? No? Didn’t think so.

Dana Shifflett 1 year ago


vicky 1 year ago

Omg my 3 year old does all this. Constantly saying ‘get ur hands out of your pants!’ he pees standing up then let’s go and any leftover wee just goes Everywhere ugh

Chelsey Haase 1 year ago

Yes, this is for my 4 year old. The waggling happens a lot.

Christa Cecilia Parra 1 year ago

When my son is in the tub he will pull back his for skin and say look mom a boo boo.

Amy Snipes Jennings 1 year ago

So. True. I’ve only just started making progress with my four year old with keeping it in his pants when we have people over.

Robin 1 year ago

also… please exercise extreme caution when zipping up so as not get it caught in the zipper.Calling me from your dad’s, 70 miles away, crying in agony because it is entangled in your fly breaks a mom’s heart more than you know. I don’t care if you are a teenager, when you hurt, I hurt. (just in a different place.)

Alicha Hatch 1 year ago

never had these issues. maybe since mine wears clothes,keeps them on and is respectful. YES he is still a boy and very happy

Liesl Cronjé 1 year ago


Ryan 1 year ago

As a man, you have no idea how much fun we are having.
Best of luck though!

Theresa Brumley 1 year ago

Amen. I wish my 4 year old could read. Lord knows his is his very best friend. After having 4 boys I’m pretty much oblivious to seeing naked boys everywhere. I don’t even blink at a lil naked kid running threw our house. Roflmao. At least I’m not alone.

Michelle Laine 1 year ago

Lol. So funny!!

Marisa Daniel 1 year ago

My guy is only a year old and every damn diaper change is a chance to make sure his penis is still there, so i know i have a lot of this to look forward too.

Zarah Tuesday 1 year ago

I have four boys (as well as three girls), yes to all of these. My youngest is seven and I’m forever telling him that it will not get stolen if he takes his hand off it for five minutes. I’ve also told him that if he keeps playing with it, it’ll fall off. His reply? “I’ll just go to the willy shop and get a new one!” 😉

Jen Hrynuik 1 year ago

I have 3 boys, this is hilarious because it’s all true!! Lol

Denise Arneson 1 year ago

And when you turn 6 or so and privacy, well your privacy, reins supreme just remember I’ve seen your penis plenty if times. Both of us will remain alive if I happen to catch a glimpse if it once in a while. I am after all your mother.

Jillian Wiebe 1 year ago

I laughed out loud at this. Thank you lol

Martha Lindhorst 1 year ago

oh my goodness this is hilarious! As a mom of 3 boys (4 if you include my husband) this is a daily battle!

Rosalyn Dritz Mierowsky 1 year ago

Very cute

Dan AndKristin Labbe 1 year ago

TOO FUNNY!!! I love this!!

Jaime Balbier 1 year ago

Reading this while trying to rock my one year old boy to sleep. Trying to hold in the laughter and about brought to tears! Best read ever!! #4 yeah I feel the pain that he obviously dosent feel!

Kimberly Paradis 1 year ago

around my house it has been made clear if you can not pee in that great big open toilet space then standing will be banned and you can start sitting. any puddles or wet rugs will result in a puddle in middle of your bed while you are in it whenever I find it more shocking for you.LMAO

Linda Languirand 1 year ago

I laughed way too much!

Mary Widdicks 1 year ago

Oh my gosh, I love this! Sharing now!!

Jena Toney 1 year ago

Can’t stop laughing!

Kayce Foster 1 year ago

Oh my I’m trying not to bust out laughing at work. That was hilarious!

Kimberly Westerman Craft 1 year ago

I have two boys and well been there hahahaha

Simone 1 year ago

Wow. My boy is fifteen months old and seems to be obsessed with his penis. Already. Sometimes I think it is funny but I think that will change when he grows older. Anyway. Thank you for a good laugh.

Laura Slesick Brunson 1 year ago

Oh My Gosh!!! This is Hysterical!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle Shipley Dumler 1 year ago

Yes! This is so true! I have had this conversation recently with a toddler!

Becki Hahnen 1 year ago

I can’t stop laughing! Mom Of two boys and one girl and this is spot on!!

Susan Grushko Marks 1 year ago


Mary E. Mayberry 1 year ago

Number 9? Men never stop doing that.

It’s called “The Helicopter”.

Cecilia 1 year ago

This made me laugh until I cried.I needed that today. Thank you!

Paola Kennedy 1 year ago

My three year old is obsessed with his! Ugh! Lol makes me so uncomfortable! Hahah!

Kimberly Roland 1 year ago

Well after having 4 girls, I feel enlightened to have read this for raising my first boy! lol

Felicia Rosekrans 1 year ago

So funny!

Susannah Groves Smith 1 year ago

My day just got even better

Meagan Durbin 1 year ago

Or wiping the seat bc they are to worried about playing with it and wait to long to pee so they forget to lift the seat!!

Kim Edge 1 year ago


Emily Moyer 1 year ago

We started the “only touch it in private” discussion when our oldest was 2.

Lisa Neilson-Perez 1 year ago

#4. Yes…please stop that!!!

Jennifer Taggart Sanchez 1 year ago

With 3 boys, I have said all of this and more, many times

Lee Ann Kuhn Buscemi 1 year ago

Eight-year-old son never did any of these things. Although I did catch his hand on it once. After five girls I was completely shocked, lol!!!

Nancy Mares 1 year ago


Julia Chang Girouard 1 year ago

Oh my… What am I in for? Haha!

Megan Swartz Maney 1 year ago

That’s fantastic!

Melissa Spires Long 1 year ago

Funny stuff!

Nikki Rippy 1 year ago

This made me giggle! “Spare us a little awkwardness, please.”

منى منمن 1 year ago

Hhhhhhhhhh awesome

Arline Vaughn Grove 1 year ago

#9 is so my son! Even at 8 yrs old!

Laura Elizabeth Bacile 1 year ago

Love it and so true!
This is the best blog entry I have read all month, anywhere!

Ami Winn 1 year ago


Kimberly Thompson 1 year ago

Great stuff! I have a 9 month old boy, so I’ll keep these in mind as he grows up. Some I believe I’ve already pointed out to his dad a few times!

Ellen Osborne Wood 1 year ago

My boys are 6 and 2, and I feel like I should print and frame this for both of their rooms…

Maria Tuck 1 year ago


Roos Gerritse 1 year ago


Annette Harvey Young 1 year ago

My goodness, yes!

Brittany Lindsey-Cox 1 year ago

Priceless… I have 2 boys ages 6 and 3 and one on the way… the weenie is their obsession!!! It drives me nuts. I love this it is EXACTLY right!

Mari Kristine 1 year ago


Wendy Waldemar 1 year ago

Spot on

Tawnia Moline 1 year ago

That’s hilarious! I’ve got an 8.5 yo boy and a 18 month old boy with another boy on the way (any day now) so this made me laugh hard. The only time I say it might fall off is when my oldest “forgets” to change his underwear!

Wendy Lawson 1 year ago

my husband would benefit from point #2. So TIRED of washing the bath rug because it’s been peed on. So TIRED of stepping in a pee puddle in the middle of the night. Amirite?

Kim Karski 1 year ago

I think this letter should also be directed towards alot of grown men. Good God man, stop adjusting that dang thing in front of us.

Michelle Nashman Solomon 1 year ago

OMG I cannot love this enough!!!!!!!!! #4 had me on the floor!!!!

Lora Kauffman 1 year ago

Ha Ha! Love this!

Megan Kinkade Laiacono 1 year ago

Most importantly, having a foreskin is completely normal. It’s supposed to be there and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. :)

Jenni Nerl Mason 1 year ago


Christie Voltz Mandeville 1 year ago

I’ve got all girls, but OMG hysterical!

Linda Mojica 1 year ago

I’m not looking fwd to this Ericka Aguirre

Eleda Bettencourt 1 year ago

All boys in my home. 10, 9, and 18m. This is perfect! Lmao!

Karen KK-Self Burton 1 year ago

So true!!

Regina Rogowskyj 1 year ago


Priscilla Danielle Aceves 1 year ago


Jes Linville 1 year ago

This is too funny

Brandy Purcell-Christner 1 year ago

Omg haha I just love these mommy stories! I have a 6 yr old boy and can relate to some of these!! Lol

Sara O’Brien Farmer 1 year ago

2, 5, and 8, YES. We haven’t had the other issues, but I only have one boy at this point.

Jme 1 year ago

Hahaha, oh my god yes!! I have 4 boys and you so nailed this perfectly!!

Bethany Wimmer 1 year ago


Brandy Spring 1 year ago

If you touch your weenie, It will fall off.

Lauren Rohr 1 year ago


Deena Olsom 1 year ago

Lol!!!! Perfect! My son 17 months kinda figured out how to ‘play’ with it….he pinched it really hard, looked at me and frowned! Dada and Liam had a talk

Candy Kiss 1 year ago

I mean seriously, I can’t tell you how many times my male students have adjusted themselves right in front of me!! Smh! Lol

Jennifer Lynn 1 year ago

I legit was laughing so hard I was crying, I have a four year old boy so we’ll yeah enough said

Ashley Rockwood 1 year ago

Omg. Love this!

Stacey Gannon Baird 1 year ago

absolutely fantastic!

Christine 1 year ago

Oh my! My son is almost three and we seem to have escaped a lot of this so far, thank goodness! If/when there is another child in the house to impress/compare that might change! Funny article.


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