Appreciate That Farts Are Funny (And Other Things Moms of Boys Must Do)

If you could see my uterus, it’s probably blue. And has a beard. Why? Because this baby factory only makes boys.

This fact was a little bit of a cosmic joke, because prior to birthing a domain full of dudes (four, to be exact), I was a total girl’s girl. Makeup, exfoliation, perfume, cute shoes. Fruity drinks instead of whiskey shots. Risk breaking a nail? No thank you. Bugs and worms: ewwwwww.

But being the mother of a male – whether one or many – changes you. It doesn’t mean you have to give up your girly ways (in fact, it’s probably more necessary than ever to preserve at least some of them), but parenting someone of the opposite sex can bring challenges that you’ve just got to adapt to.

So if you’re pregnant with a baby boy, know someone who is, or have a very young boy that’s still more babyish than boyish, I’ve compiled a list of helpful prerequisites to being a boy’s mom.

You’re welcome.

1. You must love bath time. And by “bath time” I don’t mean you yourself sitting there in a candle-lit bathroom with an inflatable pillow and a tub full of luxurious rose-scented suds. I mean you must love giving baths, because boys require a lot of them. You must be prepared for drenching splashes, a wet-dog smell, a soaked floor, and tons of dirty towels. Same when they get old enough to take a shower by themselves – except then, there’s the added “bonus” of the wet-dog smell lingering after they’re done, even though the body wash is disappearing like they’re eating it. Unless you stand at the door and remind them twenty times to use soap … everywhere!

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(PS – don’t buy expensive body wash.)

2. You must think farts are funny. By the grace of God, I was born with this toilet-humor-loving trait, so I have had a pretty easy time dealing with this aspect. Boys think farts are funny: period. And the way you handle that can determine your stress level. If you laugh with them, you’ll all benefit. If you try to get them to stop laughing about it, it will only make things worse. Just stress that there are appropriate times and places to let one rip (i.e., not during the silent part of church or while eating at a restaurant) and you’ll be good to go. Even if you personally don’t find farts humorous (in which case, I’m wondering why you’re on my blog), you have to learn to tolerate those who do. Because there’ll be a lot of that going on.

3. You must be prepared for constant – CONSTANT – battle with the toilet. From the time I found out I was expecting my first boy, I was dead-set on one thing: teaching him to use the toilet properly. You know, putting the seat down and stuff. Common courtesy. I have always been a straight-up dictator diligent with my sons when it comes to that, because one of my fears is that they grow up to be men who don’t put the seat down. Ick. But despite my best efforts, there’s always something. One remembers to put the seat down, but not to flush. One remembers to flush, but doesn’t close the lid. One leaves toilet paper in weird places, like hanging out of the bowl or on the floor (WTF?). And they all sprinkle when they tinkle. I am forever reminding them to aim! Flush! Put the seat down! Close the lid! And then to add insult to injury, I have to clean it. It’s seriously exhausting to keep a clean toilet when there’s a boy (or a few) using it.

4. You must rethink your standards of “safety.” Okay, nobody call child protective services on me – I’m not talking about letting your kids ride without a car seat or letting them play with a lighter. But think about the mom you know (and we all know at least one) who sterilizes her kid’s pacifiers and bottles religiously. The mom who hovers endlessly and gasps loudly when her precious snowflake takes a teensy-weensy tumble. You know that mom? Yeah. You can’t be that mom when you have a boy, because boys are just rough. They jump off of things and slide down things and climb up things and roll and tumble and tackle and leap and pounce and run. ALL THE TIME. They taste dirt and kitty litter and glue and hardened gum from beneath park benches and restaurant tables just out of curiosity (I mean, one of my boys ate candy that had been peed on). They try to ride their bikes, scooters, and skateboards faster than everyone else … and try to out-jump everyone else on trampolines. And if you’ve got multiple boys? Fuhgeddaboutit. They do all that plus wrestle, and occasionally get into full-blown knock-down drag-out fights.

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Just stock up on Band-Aids and look the other way for a little bit. For your own sanity.

5. You must not be surprised at drama. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me, “Oh, you’re so lucky – boys are way less dramatic than girls.” … Really? Because my boys are as dramatic as they come. There is plenty of stomping, eye rolling, sobbing, shouting, door slamming, and general sassiness going on around this place. I don’t know why everybody thinks boys are naturally easy-going, respectful, agreeable creatures. It must be because my sons’ dramatic outbursts are over “legit” things … like me not letting them use my good earphones, or getting relegated to “Player 2” on the XBox. Right? Recently, my eight-year-old “hated this house and all his brothers” after a burping contest escalated. And after tripping over his shoelace, my Kindergartner flattened himself out on the floor and wailed, complete with tears, “This world is too dangerous for someone like meeeeeee!”

Don’t ever let someone tell you that you’re lucky because boys aren’t dramatic. Seriously. They have no idea.

6. You must be prepared for messes. Sometimes I go slightly insane at the condition of my house. But unless you can afford to hire a full-time housekeeper, messes are just something you’ll have to deal with. And I’m not talking about just clutter from toys. No matter how often you yell and threaten tell them, boys are just not that conscientious about tracking in mud, or grass clippings, or getting toothpaste all over the place, or spilling milk and then maaaaybe half-assed wiping it up with, say, the corner of the tablecloth. (And the boys’ toilet? See #3.) Boys will also wipe boogers on walls and carpets and slop food all over the place like pigs at a trough. This isn’t due to lack of coaching; trust me, I feel like I spend 75% of my waking moments preaching about keeping things neat and tidy. (I spend the other 25% cleaning up the messes that result when my preaching goes in one ear and out the other.)

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All of this intensifies with multiple boys and/or a visit from multiple friends. Which brings us to the next prerequisite …

7. You must have a lot of food on hand at all times. I was so fooled by this one. Because when your kids are really little, they eat virtually nothing, and you think, “I sure am glad my kids aren’t big eaters!” And then they get to this stage where – holy crap – did he just inhale those scrambled eggs? My tiny, twig-like eight-year-old will annihilate a man-sized portion of breakfast and complain that he’s still hungry. And they always. Want. To snack. My refrigerator opens every five minutes when the kids are home. (And in between those five-minute spans, they’re raiding the cabinets.) We spend enough at the grocery store every month to make me feel faint in the checkout line, and we still run out. These little eating machines are like a pack of hungry locusts – and when one has something, they ALL want their own. I can’t wait until they’re all teenagers!*

*Note the sarcasm. I can totally wait. I need time to find a few more jobs and take out a second mortgage so we can almost afford the grocery bill.

8. You must be prepared to go through LOTS. And LOTS. Of JEANS. I have written several blog posts about this very subject because seriously? Four boys later and I am still utterly astonished at how fast they can ruin a seemingly-sturdy pair. Denim is supposed to be this rugged fabric, and it may work for lumberjacks, but it’s no match for the crawling, scraping, staining, and scooting of little boys. I find this ironic, though, because …

9. You must be cool with nudity. I don’t know how my boys go through so many pairs of jeans because, hell, it isn’t like they wear them at home. In fact, it isn’t like they wear anything at home. In my experience, from the time they are physically able to remove their own clothing, they will. My boys start stripping down the instant they get home from school. Sometimes they lounge around in their underwear, and sometimes they forego the underwear altogether.

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Which brings us to my very last piece of advice …

10. You must get used to “The Grab.” I’m talking about the penis. The wiener. The tallywhacker. The wee-wee, the pee-pee, the goods, whatever term you use. They are going to grab it every chance they get (see #9 for an approximate estimation of just how many chances they get). Your adorable infant son will reach down to grab his as soon as you take his diaper off, and in my nine years of experience mothering boys, it doesn’t stop after that. They’ll pull on it, stretch it, flick it, anywhere, any time they can get access to it. They’ll do it in the bathtub and while watching TV. I have literally been forced to utter the phrase “Stop wrapping your penis around your fork.” They do it in a way someone might, say, bite their nails or twiddle their thumbs: automatically, absentmindedly, innocently, frequently. After a while, you won’t even notice.

… You’ll probably be too busy cleaning up messes or shopping for new jeans.

Related post: The 10 Best Things About Having All Boys

10 Things Moms of Boys Must Do - via Scary Mommy

About the writer

@fightingfrumpy

Rita Templeton is a writer and mom to four lively, imaginative little boys. She lives in Davenport, Iowa, where she maintains her sanity by blogging at Fighting off Frumpy (and occasionally locking herself in her closet with a box of cookies). Come say hi on Twitter @fightingfrumpy, Instagram, and Facebook.

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sarah 14 hours ago

its funny because while i was reading number #2 my 9 year old walked out of the bedroom and leaned over the couch and farted then said ahhh and walked way…mind you i was reading that in my head! so he had no idea lol i about died laughing

THWOMP 3 months ago

Not much different than raising girls, to be honest.

Jacquie Andraos 3 months ago

Oh yeah! Pretty much all of the above. Except the bath together… They get so dirty I have to scrub the bath tub before between each bath!… Won’t change any of it!

Juli 3 months ago

I have 2 of each and unfortunately my little “ladies” provide the same kinds of “blessings” my boys do (void the penis, of course). *sigh*

LiSA 3 months ago

OMG, thank you!!!! I finally found someone who feels my pain. I have 3 BOYS, and they are constantly fighting, complaining, eating, and whatever else they do. As a stay-home-mom, it doesn’t help. Reading your post really helps calm my nerves and feeling totally SANE AND NORMAL.

Tonya Skinner 3 months ago

If anyone ever figured out how to really get rid of that smell, they would be rich. I gag everytime I go in my son’s room!

Jennie 3 months ago

‘Don’t wrap your penis around your fork’ …..I lost it. Had to check to make sure I didn’t wake the baby boy up.

Lydia 3 months ago

Every single word. TRUTH! So damn funny

Kieran 3 months ago

My daughter definitely has never gotten up before us and decided to climb into the kitchen sink to play with food dye. Nope, never stripped naked outside and covered herself in mud. Never smashed my face in with impromptu swords. Doesn’t make bathroom messes either. Or eat very much. Nope. O wait…

Navy Stark 4 months ago

Thank you for the very detailed article. I don’t feel so alone with 3 boys (4 year old/19 month twins). Thought I was going crazy constantly having to raise my voice every time they bite, kick, grab their junk and stripped down.

Wanda 4 months ago

ROTFLMAO!!!! This is hysterical. As the mother of two boys now 26 and 30. I can so relate.

christina 4 months ago

4 boys here! Well said sistah! As for #9 & #10, at least you didn’t get a call from your son’s teacher stating your son forgot his lock combination and locked his junk in it! Cheers to all moms of boys!

Matt 4 months ago

So much clickbait! More sex-based generalization and stereotyping. Why can’t you just say that the boys at my house do this or that? You don’t even have girls to compare to. My DAUGHTER eats more, farts more, has more potty drama, and takes mor risk than EITHER of her brothers.

mom5boys 4 months ago

HAHAHAHA, oh thank you for this , it was absolutely hysterical! We have 5 little boys (age 8 and under, twins in the mix) and I had to share this with my husband. We HOWLED with laughter and I was crying by the end because I laughed so hard! Numbers 9 and 10 were our favourite, sooooooooo true, hahahahaha!

Erin W. 4 months ago

These are so true! I find some of them to apply to both my daughter and my son. And I will say my four-year-old daughter think fart jokes are just about the funniest thing on the planet. Think 21-fart gun-salute from Despicable Me 2. Slays them both every time.

Edith Matney 4 months ago

This is completely true every bit of it!!!! The only thing that I think needs to be added is that boys are completely lazy in every aspect of life. My daughter is three years older then her twin brothers and by the time she was their age she could and would do twice as much for her self as they will even attempte to. Dressing there selfs is completely out of the question they can’t , don’t know how (even after I have demestraed and helped a dozen times) or just plain refuse to.

Jessica 4 months ago

Love love love your blog. Mother of 3 boys, I can relate to EVERY step of advice and concur!!!
Great blog. Thank you and Happy Mothers Day to you! ( Canadian holiday tomorrow in case it’s not the same for you ;))

Aislynn 4 months ago

That brown patch on the neck just behind the ears you have to take a brillo pad to to get off! Gahhhh!

Danielle Hubert 4 months ago

I heart you with all my heart!!! Xoxox- keep it going! You are my sanity.

Gemma Pearce 4 months ago

3,5,6 and 7!!!!!

nikki 4 months ago

As I sat hear and read this article I just laughed as I had flashback of my boys doing each and everything that is mentioned only to think I am so glad I am not the only one who has experienced all of the above and that my crazy, not so right boys very well be normal! Lol loved this :)

Movean 4 months ago

I a m the Mother of two boys, a 13yr old and 12mths, However, I consider my 41yr old husband my biggest child! As if the kids need an y encouragement in the bathroom dept. He rough houses them and wrestles all over the house, especially whatever room I happen to be in! I love my boys and we laugh a lot but I am the law-in-forcer at my house! And when the messes get to be too bad- I go on strike! No food cooked until……(dishes done, clothes picked-up, bathroom sanitized, whatever!) Works out pretty good for the most part, unless Dad says “Yay! We are going out to eat!” but he usually stands by side. If I am totally stressed out, he and the boys band together to gang up on me and Always make it better! So yes, boys are messing, crude, and rude…..truth is they Love their Momma!

Amelia 4 months ago

Thank you! I’m a mom of 4 girls, and can honestly say every single one of these happens in houses full of girls too! (even #10….they just have a different part! ) It’s time to stop talking about these things as a boy or girl things, and just accept that these are things all parents deal with, regardless of their child’s gender!

Nicki MacKenzie 4 months ago

Only had one…and it all applied….mine liked to eat sand and pepperoni….often when he was little…I should have known then I was in for a lot of ‘fun’! My daughter and I have seriously contemplated writing a book about raising my son, lol! Btw…there should be a #11-they will try to flush anything and everything they can get their mitts on-even the cat…..

Judith Sorrajja 4 months ago

Oh my I couldn’t have said it better. I have one daughter and three boys. I call my daughter the rose among the thorns. My boys are so much more dramatic than she ever was or even me and my three sister’s were. I was so outta my element when I had my boys. Being the oldest of four girls . We didn’t have brothers until I was sixteen and they were way older than us girls so pretty much past a lot of stuff . Good thing we all thought farts were funny ourselves. I often tell everyone that living in my house is like being center ring in a WWE smack down event. My oldest son dud the penis stuff all the time about killed my mother in law one day. He was pulling on it so hard I told him to stop that pulling on it wasn’t going to make it longer he said yeah it will. Then proceeded to say size matters and that he wanted it to his knee. He was 2. My poor mother in law almost fell face first she was laughing so hard. My poor husband had the strangest look on his face that day. Boys sure are different. I would rather have 10 daughters. I love my boys but not all the noise.

Beth 4 months ago

Oh boy is this true! I have 7 boys and 1 girl! I can relate to this so, so well! And yes, as teenagers, they just eat more! And my house… Yeah, it smells like a sock no matter how many candles I light. One of our favorite stories involves our now 20 year old son and the fact that shook the ceiling fan! Life is grand, if you can find the joy in the simple things (and plug your nose!).

HeatherS 4 months ago

I have 2 boys (2 & 1) between my 2 girls…and OMG these couldn’t be more true!! Just today we were at the park. Our 6 year old princess wouldn’t risk going down the curvy slide head first at my susuggestion. Our 2 year old, however, not only went head first, but managed to tumble to the feet first position by the end. Then, he lovingly insisted on “helping” Daddy with our 1 yr old on the smaller slide by pushing him down…which my littlest man LOVED!! The drama from both boys is beyond comparison of our 6 yr old daughter. They fill our hearts with love, laughter (fart noises anyone?) and the insatiable urge to have a paramedic on call at all times. And we wouldn’t have them any other way. I LOVE your blog and am thankful for Facebook introducing me to it. Much love from one highly sarcastic and humorous family to yours.

Nikki 4 months ago

“Stoop wrapping your penis around your fork” LOLOLOLOL!!!

Christina 4 months ago

This is in reply to JimmyJohns–the reason boys should put the seat down afterward (instead of telling girls they should put the seat up) is that toilet seats/lids are supposed to be CLOSED when not in use. Who wants to look into the gaping bowl all the time? Plus, if it’s left open, that means the person who flushed it did so while it was open–and that is SUCH a disgusting habit. Germs and poo and pee all over the bathroom flung into the air by the flushing toilet…google a fast-shutter image of what the air looks like over an open flushing toilet…and to think that the sink and toothbrush holder is near all that…yuk!

erika 4 months ago

Mom of 4 boys (10, 8, 5 & 3) & this is my exact life!

Sue Parke 4 months ago

I have a girl and I feel like she’s like your little boy hanging from the railings lol. I am constantly rethinking my safety standards! There’s no grabbing of the private parts though hehe! Great post – loved reading it

Elise 4 months ago

Thank you for literally making me laugh out loud multiple times!! I have 3 boys and 1 girl crammed in between boy #2 & #3. Every single point you make is spot on in our house too! It’s better to laugh about it than stress about it so thanks for reminding me of the humor in it all!

Mimi 4 months ago

While this is no doubt a hilarious read and has many true statements….I must admit, I don’t think it is as much a boy thing as a personality thing (with the exception, of course, of the penis grab, haha). I have one of each and honestly, many of these describe my daughter over my son!

Nicole 4 months ago

Oddly enough, I have 3 girls and can relate to most if not all of these too, though probably not to the same extent. I definitely know the wet dog smell and wet floors, farts are hilarious around here, the toilet is more of a clogging issue- who uses a full roll of tp per day? I mean really? And how do you pee under the seat and down the front onto the floor? I don’t think I have the safety thing quite as bad, not with the older two anyway. My youngest tries to swing from the dining room light, and she’s not even 2 yet. She climbs and jumps off of everything! Lol. There’s drama, of course. Already dealing with mean girl drama at school with my 2nd grader, but that shit started in kindergarten. Girls are mean little bitches, and over sensitive at the same time… Wine should come in an IV. Girls wipe boogers on walls too, and couches, car seats, under tables, pant legs, on their little sister’s hair. My 8 year old eats more than I do, and my 5 year old is just getting out of that “I hate clothes” phase… Now she changes outfits 6 times a day. And of course she thinks it’s all dirty after 5 minutes of wearing it so there’s an extra load of laundry..i kinda miss the nudity. I don’t really deal with the worn out jeans so much though. And the only one grabbing his junk around here is the hubby, but usually only after a kid has kneed him there. Lol. Were expecting one more in October…don’t know the sex yet…but like you, I’m convinced I am the owner of a gender biased uterus, so I’m assuming it will be more princesses and pink frilly shit everywhere. (I just cried a little.) Lol. I think we all have our reasons to drink, boy mom or girl mom, and our reasons to smile too. Love this blog.

Erin 4 months ago

I have two boys ages 8 and 2. All of this rings true in my house. Farts, ripped jeans, naked time all the time and what is up with the penis thing?!
They give the best hugs and tell me they love me all the time. My 12 year old daughter doesn’t always get it, but they love her too so she just laughs at it all.

Heather 4 months ago

Love ‘“This world is too dangerous for someone like meeeeeee!”’
And you actually had to tell your son to ‘“Stop wrapping your penis around your fork.”’? Oh my. That sounds painful…

Amanda 4 months ago

This is the best blog post I’ve read in a while. Laughed the entire time because I already see SOOO many of these things in my 2-year-old, and my 4-month-old is well on his way to boyhood. Oh, thanks for posting!

Kelly 4 months ago

After reading this I have discovered that I’m pretty sure my daughter is a boy…

Bobbi 4 months ago

It’s great to hear that my boy is perfectly normal. (Thank you thank you, thank you!) Especially in regard to # 10. I’m a single mom and asked my son’s God Father when that will end an he told me when he stops he’ll let me know. I guess it never ends. My question now is why they never seem to stop touchng it EXCEPT when they pee?! Then the hands are on their hips and it’s FREE WILLY!

hlhaas 4 months ago

He ate pee’d on candy?! Oh man… I have 5 sons, all 2-3 yrs apart. One of them licked a turd laying on the garage floor because they thought it was chocolate. That one also pee’d in a box of Kleenex to be funny. Oh and set his carpet on fire (only a little) and didn’t tell me until I step on a soaking wet rug. One jumped off the roof of the garage into the pool (which is only 4.5 ft deep). One took a grill scraper and pounded on the pool not realizing he could put a hole in it. It’s just Never. Ever. Stops.

Kath 4 months ago

I do note you were unable (and be thankful!) to list under toilet habits or messes or even a topic of things you never thought you’d hear yourself say…. my second son had the lovely habit of wiping his rear on his bedroom curtains. He would put the seat down and flush. Toilet paper? Who needs it! I’ll just walk down the hall to my bedroom and use these here curtains and watch Mommy’s face turn purple as she washes them for the third time. Today.
Enjoy them and the chaos. Before you know it they’ll be 22 and 21 as my boys are and you’ll be going gee… I actually miss the days of washing poop off the curtains or having to try to fix the 30 cassette tapes (yes I am old) they pulled off the wall and systematically pulled the tape out of with glee. (Never think you can take a minute to go to the bathroom with the door shut) They really are over in the blink of an eye.

Maureen 4 months ago

EVERY WORD IS SO TRUE! Iv got 3 boy’s and I feel like all I do is clean. I’m surprised I get anything done! They’re 6,2, and going on 10 months in a few days. So true, you can talk until your blue in your face some days. The others there being sweet as can be helping clean up, doing dishes( mine just like o say)

Carey 4 months ago

Omg I had 3 boys, aged 2 years apart and married a man with 1, you nailed it! They are enough to drive any mom crazy! This is the funniest thing I have ever read! I love in Davenport, IA also and I thank God every day they are grown, maybe not grown up enough (maybe another number about boys) but at least not living here.
Nice to know someone else understands !

Shaunna Tucker 4 months ago

Heck my 9 year old daughter does all of this and i mean ALL no missing any numbers on this list lol but i also have a 3 year old boy so im prepared for all the challenges he brings me

Lila 4 months ago

As mother of four sons as well who are now grown men. They are still my lil boys and the sleep best at mommas house on sundays!

Kristin 4 months ago

Its like I read about a day in my life! 4 sons and 1 stepson! Love this post, at least I know someone else understands! Lol

Namale 4 months ago

I have for adult sons. If you think they eat a lot now, wait until they are teenagers. A loaf of bread each BEFORE the evening meal!

Chaleque 4 months ago

Hi Michelle,
This is the best way to stay sane. My moto, is if I hear a loud thump and no crying, just continue with what I was doing. After awhile the 30 second turn has become almost automatic with these guys! Boy do I love the excitement I get with my boys!!

Chaleque 4 months ago

I am the mommy of 4 boys as well. I must admit, you hit the nail right on the head with every prerequisite you mentioned. My oldest is 8 and I am still learning about things the opposite sex does :) Btw….fats and burps have become the funniest competitions in our house!! I love being the mommy of 4 rough, energetic, dramatic, messy, and very hungry boys. Thanks for sharing.

Cyndi 4 months ago

Hysterical silent laughing at image of wrapping ‘it’ around a fork! I’m hanging out on the phone at 10:30 PM with my young adult son who can’t get to sleep. Don’t think he tried that trick, though I will ask him tomorrow when he’s awake. Thanks for the entertaining writing!

Michelle 4 months ago

#4 definitely!!! My 3 year old terrifies me in ways my daughter never did. I completely agree, you have to look away for your own sanity!!

Sharon 4 months ago

Found my best defense at a friend’s house was to put myself in a timeout to escape from 3 growing boys, the sass and volume. I love these boys and their family.

Jim the pilot 4 months ago

Thanks for bringing back the memories. I was one of a family of 4 boys and one girl.
She taught us religiously to always lift the seat.
Our dad was a safety engineer in a factory, tasked with preventing fires and explosions. You guessed it. We four boys taught ourselves how to make our own firecrackers and blow things up. We got a model railroad (HO scale) fro Christmas and spent time blowing up the engine and lighting the track on fire.
When dad was at work, our mom didn’t mind letting us be boys.
We would run around the bedrooms upstairs–with all the lights off and throw “Lincoln Logs” at each other as hard as we could without thinking of the consequences. When camping in the mountains of Pennsylvania, we would collect fire wood and then throw the sticks at each other. Our mom knew about all of this. I only had to go to the hospital once for stitches near my left eye!
Mom and dad let us climb up 80 foot high Hemlock pine trees to the very top and see who could go the highest without “chickening out”. I dropped bricks on my older brothers foot (he let me) and learned about physics and cause and effect.
It taught me to take calculated risks in life. Job risks, real estate investment risks, stock market risks.
I am now an elevator safety inspector in buildings and on construction sites, tasked with protecting the public and preventing people from getting injured.

Cassidy 4 months ago

I’m currently pregnant with boy #4 ! This article had me laughing out loud. All so true.

shann 4 months ago

All of it is true. Three boys and I love them so much

Mishele Smoak 4 months ago

we have FIVE boys, ages 20, 18, 16, 14 and 14! Most people are positive although I get many sideways glances. I thoroughly enjoyed the article. BTW, the,..uh…, best is yet to come so hold on!

Maryrose 4 months ago

Enjoy these times because at a blink of an eye they are all grown up and the only worry about safety was climbing on everything. Safety becomes driving too fast, friend choice, getting in cars with others. The penis never goes away and still a need to touch and pee all over except in the toilet. If you can handle “doing the laundry” it will become a huge joke with your boys. My 23 year old now stocks the refrigerator with his craft beer (beer that tastes so awful you can’t even enjoy) taking up valuable milk space. The mess is now sports equipment and broken windows from the sports equipment! The battle was wearing appropriate clothing for events now it is what tattoo to get on my scrawny arm! The “scrawny arm” is my words to discourage any tattoo art on his body. I have found the hardest and saddest part about being a mom of a 17,18,and 23 year old is how much
to cook for dinner. Most nights I eat alone because they are working, at school or getting a bite with their friends.
But the best part is when they hop in bed with me to snuggle, if only for a few minutes, and I get to rub their back. So don’t blink enjoy every moment because what you think is a big problem only gets bigger when they do.

Crystal 4 months ago

Lovely article! As a mom of 2 boys, can totally relate! Thanks for posting!

Marylisa64 4 months ago

Number 10 made me laugh so hard coffee came out my nose! My son went to an all-boys boarding school where even though there was plenty of female faculty, evidently grabbing your privates in public was not a correctable offense. Every holiday and summer I spent the majority of it reminding him he had returned to “co-Ed world” and “junk adjusting” in public was taboo. It’s such a habit for them, they don’t even realize they are doing it….it’s like blinking and breathing to them!

Leigh Crane 4 months ago

Your family sounds fun. Boys are very active when they are allowed to do so. The same is true about getting dirty, bathroom humor, being loud, etc. Most girls are taught to “be nice” and not allowed to “run wild”. Therein lies the rub.

Carrie 4 months ago

#7! I used to say I needed industrial strength hinges on the pantry door! Food bill was a literal mortgage. Great post!

Jessica August 4 months ago

This made me laugh so hard. I have 3 boys: 7, 5, & 2. Help me! Ha.

Danielle King 4 months ago

Six boys here, ages 15 to 6 (no twins). No, we weren’t trying for a girl. This post nails it! I am laughing so hard! People ask me all the time how I stay so calm. I’ve mastered the art of selective attention and picking my battles. #3, though! What is with that? That’s where I lose it every time. Hilarious post and nice to know you and the rest of the boy mommies get it!

Carli 4 months ago

This is so funny. My son fits all these but two. He’s an only child. Just yesterday my husband and I were discussing how good our son’s bathroom habits are, though. I clean the bathrooms at least once a week, but anytime we have extra kids over that means extra cleaning. Not a single one of his eight and nine year old friends can aim appropriately, flush, and put the lid down (the dog drinks out of the toilet so this is especially important). We also don’t do the nudity thing here. My son will run around without a shirt but that’s it. Occasionally at night he will hang out in his underwear, but it’s pretty rare. It’s not something we have ever forced, but I guess it’s just his personality.

Lisa 4 months ago

Same in my mixed gender household (two girls and then a boy). Especially in the bathroom. The mystery toilet paper hanging out of the toilet and on the floor? The girls did it. Toothpaste everywhere? Got that, too (cleaned it off the outside of the bathroom door yesterday and it had a wad of hair stuck in it–what?!). Boogers on the walls? Happens with girls, too, LOL! I, like you, just chalk it up to a “kid thing”, and not one gender and not the other. :)

Michelle Gardner 4 months ago

Mom of 3 boys (10,5 and 7 months) and this is so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ann Brookens 4 months ago

You are SO right! I am the second oldest (and only girl) out of SEVEN kids and mother of one boy (and three girls). I grew up falling out of trees and jumping off garage roofs along side my brothers. Let’s see…there was the time one brother built a large kite and tried to strap the youngest to it to see if we could get him into the air, or the time mom came home to find 4 of us up on top of the two-story house roof because the ladder was left set up. Somehow we all survived…and so did mom!

Christine Stafford 4 months ago

Fkn hilarious!!!!!! Thank God I only have one boy, I wanted more!!! My son has peed in the wastebasket, had the cup of pee in the tub, soaks every towel I own during a bath and blows massive bubbles with the soap…..mommy, come look at this one!!!! Thinks farts are hilarious, and even more so when his sister is sittin by him!!! Never a dull moment in my house!!! Love my boy!!:)

Elle 4 months ago

“Stop wrapping your penis around the fork”

Best. Thing. Ever. I kinda want to have a boy, just to use this phrase and tell a story like that.

Seriously though, I’ve always hoped to have a little boy. My husband’s is one of 2 brothers, where my family is all girls. It seemed that everything was easier with him, and I hoped it was the same. Apparently I’ve overestimated that. Still sounds like a lot of fun though!

Dawn 5 months ago

Really? I am a mother of 1 child (a beautiful boy) and I found no fault in the writer having multiple children take baths together. The above commenter had an opinion that was different than the writer. That is not just cause to assume that those of us without multiple children all feel the same way. It is also not okay to act as if women with multiple children are somehow “better” and have the right over others to share opinions. This is a sweet, light hearted blog about little boys. Perhaps we shouldn’t belittle other women and act as if all mothers aren’t equal or important enough to share opinions based on the number of offspring we each have.

Tara 5 months ago

OMG! this was awesome! I have 3 boys and 2 girls and every one of these is RIGHT ON THE MONEY! Thanks for confirming that it’s not just me. Lol

Salena 5 months ago

I feel so much better about my melt downs over toothpaste in the sink and pee all over my bathroom! – mom if 2 boys (14 & 6)

Emily 5 months ago

Wow! Absolutely everything you said is spot on accurate! I love my boys with all my heart and wouldn’t change them for the world, but god they’re gross!

Leanne 5 months ago

I agree- some behaviors are universal. BUT these hilarious truths in this post do make me thankful that I am a girl mom. For now at least…

Melody Lema 5 months ago

My “boys” are 45, 43 and 25. (That’s another story). #10 had me rolling, because it is so TRUE! They act like if they don’t hold it, it is going to fall off! The only thing missing is the competition between them. Would can jump further, run faster, eat faster, slurp loudest, etc. The best ever, peeing. One day, I go outside, and I see these wet lines from the porch. I ask, (how foolish), and find out that they had to go outside, and wet the sidewalk so that they could measure. Yep, it continued. When the youngest was 2, the others were 22 and 20. They competed over who could put together a bike for the 220 year old the fastest. Everything is a contest, ALWAYS . But I love my boys.

Julee 5 months ago

You forgot to mention the ear shattering noise, exponentionally and unintelligible. High energy whirling durbishes, they are! Love em

rhonda 5 months ago

3 BOYS HERE. 8, 3 AND 4 MONTHS

Sola 5 months ago

Great article!! Love me boys!
What is it with farts? They fart and laugh out loud about the rhythm, or how loud, or smelly it is. Eeeewwww.

Though I don’t really get why toilet seats being up or down is a great big issue!?!?! It takes less than half-a-minute to clean up the toilet seat and use it. I am the only lady in a house with three males and I dont get bothered about this at all.

Doug 5 months ago

Father of 7 boys 16-10 months, I feel so sorry for my wife. Add to the great points in the article the expense of 5 in Catholic school at once and 2 more in the wings. 400$ a week in groceries is the norm. God Bless Mothers, I don’t know how you do it.

terisa 5 months ago

I laughed so hard at the fork thing! Thanks!

Pat Dowd 5 months ago

4 sons. What a ride. All grown now. Grandparents now. Two wonderful boys, and miraculously, a girl. First girl in my husbands family in 56 years. And only the third girl since 1906!

Traci 5 months ago

This was a good read, thank you. I have 6 boys. And 3 girls. Two of my boys are twins. They go through jeans like crazy. And yet my girls won’t wear an expensive dress twice.

Barb 5 months ago

Reading the article was amusing,but the comments are priceless.I have to agree that a mom needs a sense of humour and I have not lost mine yet. I appreciate the input from the guys–some young and others a bit older.I do think your perspective changes with your life experiences.That last comment applies to both men and women!

Y 5 months ago

It’s obvious you don’t have daughters, the same list applies…
Seriously, it does.

Ellen 5 months ago

Agree…4 in a tub is 2 too many

David 5 months ago

Nick, you’ve got mental problems if you think sitting to pee is somehow wrong. I’m sure you’ve peed barefoot and/or wearing just shorts. What is that you feel on your feet and legs? It’s pee. I don’t care how good your aim, it splashes out. I am a single dad who raised a boy. Nobody is cleaning up after me, I have to do it. I don’t feel like coating my bathroom floor with pee, not to mention my feet, legs, pants, or shoes. I taught my son to sit to pee. Somehow he still managed to be an all conference football player, get married, father a child, be a police officer, and, well, not be very girly. Nick, you sir need to rethink your priorities.

Carrie 5 months ago

I have four girls and still, I very easily related to all of these. Great list!

Chefette 5 months ago

Love the part about drama. Totally agree. And as for the mess I gave him the biggest blanket we had to make a fort out of the dining room table three days ago & we now just eat at the kitchen counter…it’s just easier. And the Nerf gun, baseball, & paper airplane in my bed can just stay there b/c I’m too tired to move them tonight.

Nancy Cannon 5 months ago

Thank you for the laughs. I think you have been secretly living in my house over the past 23 years. I have a son and a daughter. I do have to say that my son was NOT dramatic after living with my daughter for 18 years. Talking about “farts” just brings back all those memories of not so long ago. For my son’s 6th birthday he had a sleep over with 10 little boys. They stayed up til 2:00 am and the conversation was mostly about farts. There always seemed to be a pack of boys at my house, and I always ran out of food. You say you have been doing this for 9 years, wait til your sons and their friends all come over. You will definitely need a 2nd mortgage to cover the food bill. My girlfriend was over one evening and her son helped himself to the cookie jar. When she yelled at him about just helping himself in someone else’s house, he just gave her that “DAH” look and said “but Nancy says I’m to get my own because she is tired of always getting us stuff”. We still laugh about it. We have spent many years at cottages with all our friends and their kids. The boys have been jumping off the 50 foot cliff and railway tresses since they were 10. Dad couldn’t go fast enough or whip them around hard enough in the tube behind the boat. I think all boys and their father’s should share a bathroom, but I want one of my own, because my daughter isn’t any better with her makeup and crap all over the counter and toothpaste turned into cement in the sink. Now that my son and all the boys he grew up with are turning 23 this year, it has started to settle down a bit. They aren’t over as much as they were in their earlier teens, and frankly, I miss it. Those fabulously horrific years just seem to have flown by and I wish I could have them back. Can’t wait for grandchildren – oops, I’m not allowed to mention that word.

Erin 5 months ago

Jon, you are aware that we all have estrogen – even males – and the same goes for testosterone, right?

julie 5 months ago

I love this article! It’s all so true lol. Just had to laugh and agree with everything…. and my son is only 3 lol. I would have to say we are in the obsessive #10 stage lol. At one point I walked into his room and he was standing on his blocks zoned into the tv, pants at his ankles and cupping his junk lol. Oh boys are so much fun! Lol seriously wouldn’t give it up for anything.

Julie 5 months ago

Mine’s not much a penis grabber and a lot of these apply to girls. My daughter when she was in Pre-K to Kindergarten would leave a trail of clothes from the back door to the living room and my son did not. Now, he takes off his shoes and socks whenever possible. I thought my daughter was a drama queen till I had my son; I mean really, he needs to go on stage. My daughter was/is the daredevil. I’ve always said she’s going to be the one to call me from Brazil base jumping! And, lol, I used to grab my son’s face and squish it in my butt and fart; trust me; it is one of the least offensive things compared to what my darling son has done! And BOTH of my kids will gas me out of the car and they are now 13 and 8!

Sandy 5 months ago

I am also a mom of 4 boys and you hit the nail on the head with this post. Luckily, I’ve made it through most of it now. My 3 oldest are adults now (23, 22, and 19) and then we have our baby who will be 15. The two oldest have moved out, but when they come over to our place, those three older ones still wrestle around and give me panic attacks that they are going to break a bone or crack their heads open. Thanks for writing this. I definitely can related.

Niki 5 months ago

I agree with everything but the drama thing…I’m sure some boys are more dramatic just like some girls are less. But I have 3 girls and 1 boy and my girls are WAY more drama than my boy. I always tell people my three girls came out screaming and never stopped and my boy (who knows how to scream right along with them) is a dream compared to them in the drama section. So unless you have girls too, its a hard thing to say you know the difference. But I also don’t think anyone should say having a boy is easier because boys are rougher and tougher and messier and boy do they stink!

Jason Saputo 5 months ago

The picture in #4

Yep, that was me at that age. It would be me now if the banister were stronger!

Catharine Griffith 5 months ago

This is great !

Dawn Waterfield 5 months ago

Hilarious, especially the crossed out bits!

Melissa 5 months ago

You’ve hit the nail on the head!!!! (OMG THE TOILET!!) Thank you for a great laugh this morning!! :)

Kerri Maree Gallen 5 months ago

You said exactly what I was thinking!!
My daughters the wild, my sons the quiet, spotlessly clean kid! :)

Kim Cochrane 5 months ago

I love reading your blog and always find it because a few FB friends post it.
I can so relate to literally almost every single thing you post….except it pertains to my herd of mostly girls!
My oldest is a boy, and my infant is a boy. In between, we have 4 girls. I find myself laughing with every post as I relate! In this one – My girls cover all of the first 9 points and then just swap out the body parts for number 10!

BDovidio 5 months ago

Just going to leave this here ladies…

You need the seat down, we need it up, if we have to be expected to “prepare” the bathroom area to prevent a wet seat, then you can be expected to “prepare” your area so you don’t fall in. It’s a two way street, why don’t you start practicing it.

And leaning in to the “middle of the night” argument, again, if we’re expected to be coherent enough to lift the seat in the middle of the night, you can also be expected to be coherent enough to make sure the seat is down.

Jennie Lescault-Baker 5 months ago

I hear myself saying more times than I care to admit ” SHOOT STRAIGHT OR SIT LIKE A GIRL” lol

Leslie Johnson Fardink 5 months ago

Nail on the head!!

Katherine Ann Reilly 5 months ago

I really enjoyed this, but I think it can be applied just as much to little girls. My daughter is only one year old and she loves to grab her you know what parts. something all parents need to be ready for

Andrea 5 months ago

I have 8 sons. Yes. 8. Ages 17 to 3 months.
You just described my life for the last 17 yrs! LoL

K 5 months ago

Perhaps #10 is happening because #9 is allowed! I also have some girls and therefore no one goes naked. And #10 doesn’t happen.

Jennifer 5 months ago

I only have 1 child and he is 100% boy! I was reading this while he is playing in the back yard…. painting his face with dirt and climbing up the side of the swingset…. Yes, all boy….

Anne-Marie Dieudonne 5 months ago

I have a houseful of girls and they are just as stinky dirty rough and tumble screaming fighting refuse to bath use toothpaste brush their hair befor it becomes one big dreadlocks. And my youngest will grab her fanny as soon as she has access, I too had to teach them not to touch it unless they are in privacy. I’m sure most kids fit this description not just boys. They are all different and you can’t expect anything based on what sex they are. I have mates and siblings with boys who are girliar then my girls. Don’t stick your kids in Pink or Blue boxes people’s, don’t confuse them with gender specific expectations.

candee 5 months ago

I have an 8 year old boy and 3 girls..I so understand. You hit it on the nail…

Amber 5 months ago

the penis paragraph, I nearly fell outta my chair!!! I’m usually just afraid they’re gonna rip the sucker off! ( 1.5 yr old) you’ll hear me pleading, ” be careful. I want grandchildren.” on a regular basis!

Patty Racer Worsham 5 months ago

On the subject of “jeans” my husband told me his Mother got so she would sew knee patches on brand new jeans and they would last a lot longer. True. But, the easy way is to get iron on patches, and yes, iron them in place and then whip stitch them on as well. I did this with my boys and it works!!!

Jonathan Pape 5 months ago

Holy jees, for all the people screaming gender bias, just go away. I have a daughter and yes she is just as tough as any boy and gets bumps and scrapes as well. But this a dang funny article and a made me laugh so hard.

sydney 5 months ago

4 boys, one girl. Peeing while standing up is overrated. EVERYONE sat down in my house. About the time my toddlers were noticing that “dad stands up” He got to sit down. He was like, “WHAT?!” So I offered that he could clean the bathroom(poop on the ceiling and all) He quickly SAT DOWN. It also made it easier when they were little and tromped into Women’s bathrooms with me. No worries about destroying the facilities or having to clean the floor.

I had one that was scard of our toliet(the seat came up automatically) so he insisited on peeing on rack in our front yard(like the dog) for about 6 months.

My favorite boys are just different moment, two toddlers in the bathroom watching dad shave, as I step out of the shower, trying to keep a towel on and the older says, “dad, aren’t you sad that mommy doesn’t have a penis?”

My husband almost slit his own throat, recovers and says, “no, most dads don’t want their wife to have a penis.”

Chelsea Almeida 5 months ago

Sooooo funny and true

Dana Brown 5 months ago

All true lol…though my boys TALK about the penis more than they grab…not sure which is worse!!

Sue Oros 5 months ago

I know a little girl who would do this too

Jennifer Dodge 5 months ago

I laughs so hard at number 10 because our little one is 7 months old and we spend the whole bath time trying to get him interested in toys instead of his “wee wee”!

Pia 5 months ago

you just made me laugh so hard I snorted coke out my nose and had a coughing fit that lasted a full 5 minutes :)

Donald Thompson 5 months ago

Boy’s are boy’s. Never changes.

Kim Janowski Percy 5 months ago

Thank you for the forewarning. I have 2 boys and a girl. All under the age of 10. Now at least i know what to expect

Jennifer 5 months ago

I have learned over the yrs that boys do have drama , alot more then girls. I have 5 boys & 1 girl. Believe me when I say it’s all true. But when they become teenagers they only come home to ask for money,clean clothes & to argue over who is doing what this week on chores before they test ur patients on how late they can stay out. My pour daughter is the baby & the only drama u will get from her is why won’t they stop being mean to the boy she likes. Believe it or not, they go as far as they can before u have to use that tone of voice that scary ‘s them all into silence. But I love every moment. What I do regret is the sounds of chaos they all make .Cuz 1 by 1 it gets quiet as they move away& ur get the ruckus & broken chairs on holidays. Lol

Panni Talmadge 5 months ago

Mine is very calm my girl well that’s another story

Michelle Prinsen 5 months ago

Omg. THIS IS MY HOUSE!!

Estrogen filled house 5 months ago

Thanks fellow moms of girls for reassuring me I’m not the only one who feels the need to put this thing in a little perspective. As a mom of 4 girls-only girls- and a sister to only brothers, these gender based articles are a big pet peeve of mine. Sorry Scarymommy, I have spent hours LMAO on this website but this one is disappointing and in need of serious revising. Kids are kids: they all love mud they all hang from the rafters, the toilets in my girls’ bathroom go for days being unflushed, toilet paper is optional, girls’ room’s smells like a lockerrooms and they all have genitals. Maybe as a mom of only boys it doesn’t occur to you that parents of girls have farting contests at their dinner tables too or that getting mud stains out of pink jeans is a f%*k of a lot harder than blue jeans. Either way, keep it real but as a mom/woman who has rallied against these unobtainable female social images countless times in her own articles, please try not to perpetuate the B.S. gender biasis’ that are crammed down our throats day in and day out.

Mae Davis 5 months ago

This is going to be my bible. Luckily, I already think farts are hilarious and I’m prepared for messes and I look the other way for ‘the grab’ lmao

Heather Ann Crane 5 months ago

True true!

Mary Oelerich 5 months ago

I think she got right

Griselda Ocampo 5 months ago

Definitely #4,7,8,&9!!

Dee 5 months ago

Reading this today, just gave me a much needed laugh! I have two boys ages 13 1/2 and 11 and I was about to run away yesterday! This made me realize there is some wonderful stories to come out of my life raising boys! Thank you for sharing and making me feel better

Susan Riegerix 5 months ago

So true!!

Misty Marie Leis 5 months ago

So….funny and so true! My little guy is only 10 months and I am constantly running ut of snacks for him. And the pee pee obsession has already begun!

Catherine 5 months ago

4 boys here as well! I believe you may have written this post about me! Lol Thanks for the laughs this was an awesome article!

Nikki Davis McCoy 5 months ago

I’ve always done this too and guess what?!? He’s 6 now and is WAY more careful. It’s a beautiful thing.

Kelli 5 months ago

#5! My son is only 9 months old and the dramatics are unreal already! I’ve closed the bathroom door to keep him out of there and he flops down on the floor and wails like I just cut off a limb! I have no doubt the meltdowns in the future are going to be epic!

Beth Jones McDonnell 5 months ago

I can relate to all of these…

Pamela Hopkins 5 months ago

Ain’t that the truth!

Holly Ribarchik Ferry 5 months ago

Nikki, seriously. So you think girls don’t do that as well? Wow

Holly Ribarchik Ferry 5 months ago

Nikki, do you even have girls?

Holly Ribarchik Ferry 5 months ago

I call baloney on that one Nikki. My daughter is the toughest of the three. She’s taken down a few boy cousins much to my chagrin.
Gender has NOTHING to do with a child’s personality. Girls can be rough and -even rougher than boys – and boys can be more sensitive and calm.
Gender comparison is bullshit.

Jim 5 months ago

I have 2 daughters (8 & 11 years old), and some of the things listed in the article apply to girls as well.
Burping & farting, and thinking it’s hilarious (especially at the dinner table)? Check. Ditto on instigating burping/farting contests.

Making messes? My 8 year old makes more of a mess eating than my 2 year old nephew, and is completely unfazed & unrepentant when we point this out.
Going through clothing? My 8 year old has holes in lots of her clothes, and stains on most of the rest; when asked how the holes/stains got there, her response is always ‘I dunno’. And, my 11 year old is wearing women’s size 10.5 shoes; she’s lucky to get 6 months out of a pair of shoes before she outgrows them. (Nobody knows where her big feet come from: I wear a men’s size 10.5 and her mom wears a women’s size 8. All other adults in the family have smaller feet.)
Taking clothing off? Not so bad anymore, now that they are getting older & are more self-conscious, but there was a point in time my little one would start stripping as soon as she got inside & it didn’t matter whose house it was. It’s still virtually impossible to get her to wear socks inside or a jacket outside.

And rough & tumble? Neither of my daughters plays any sports; my 9 year old nephew plays soccer (indoor & out), hockey (deck & ice) and lacrosse. Yet my daughters have more bruises, scratches & scrapes than he does. And, unless it is bleeding, usually have no clear recollection of how they got them. And, they are more often than not the instigators of the ‘pile-on daddy’ wrestling matches. If one joins in, they ALL have to join in!
And, finally, it seems like my younger daughter must be drinking shampoo & body wash also, because it just magically disappears every time she takes a shower (which is extra unfortunate, as she’s allergic to sulfates, so she needs special (read, expensive) shampoo & soap). Seriously, how does one little person use more body wash in one shower than a full-grown man more than twice her size uses in 2 weeks?

Finally, two last points regarding toilet seats. I completely understand wanting the lower lid always down when not in use. First, it hides the dribbles mentioned in the article. And, second, there is nothing worse than going to sit down & literally splashing down, or hitting the (always) cold porcelain with your bare posterior. (And it always seems to happen at 3 am, when you were too sleepy to put the light on or check beforehand.) But my daughters are just as guilty of not flushing as my nephews. And, somehow, they manage to splash up on the rim, or drip on the seat, too. I’ve known grown women to do the same, and not just in public restrooms, where they might be using the ‘hover’ method, where I could understand if there was dripping or splashing involved.

Tasha Gilbert 5 months ago

I may only have one of each that I gave birth to, but I grew up with 4 brothers, and I’ve done foster care. I’m no stranger to having more than one boy in a home.

Kathi Denfeld 5 months ago

Three girls and three boys, here. The girls have been my booger-on-the-walls sort.

Megan 5 months ago

OMG. The JEANS. I have a 10 yr old boy. I have literally bought 6 pairs in the last three months and only one pair doesn’t already have a hole in it. And not a tiny hole.. A big hole… Thank God for places like Goodwill. And he is tall and skinny, so thank god for the adjustable waist.

Cary Welker 5 months ago

Every single one…no use fighting it

Jennifer 5 months ago

I’m so glad I read this. My 4 year old does all of these things I swear he has more dirty clothes then his sister and it’s like he never wears any. The dramatic part is also true both my older two are a drama queen age 6 but her brother is a drama king he is 4 i also have a 4 month old little boy. I have the best of both worlds but it isn’t always a picnic but you just can’t nit pick everything.

Annie Raulston 5 months ago

Sounds just like my daughter except we go through yoga pants like they are going out of style. Well and of course she does not have a penis to grab

Megan Smith 5 months ago

We go through socks like crazy! My 4 year old won’t go barefoot, so if he’s misbehaving, I threaten to take his socks off as a punishment! And it works! Kids are so weird.

Alexis Saliveros 5 months ago

You don’t know my girls! The gender specific for anything is getting out of hand.

I can’t count how many times I’ve wiped pee off the toilet seat, told them to stop touching themselves, had a mild heart attack over “stunts” they’ve done, told them to put clothes on because we have people coming over, fought over bath time(because they stink), cleaned up countless messes, dealt with drama, they go through clothes almost as fast as food, and they think every bodily function is funny!

The point is, these are KID things… not BOY things!

Theresa Overmann Basler 5 months ago

This entire article is my life with 3 boys!

Julianne Sisley 5 months ago

I have three girls and all of these things are true of them too. That’s what I meant, it’s not only boys! I dislike articles that try to shoehorn children’s behavior into gender roles. Children do children things.

Julie Barton 5 months ago

So so so true. Been there done that. Good luck to my sweet sweet daughter-in-law.

Connie Mai 5 months ago

Yep! Every word is true. I had 3….then a girl….the brothers taught her well about most all the above!

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Oh please! If your offended by this, you must not have all boys. Mothers who have all boys can relate and quite appreciate. Not everything is always equal in this world.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Nope. Not the same

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Haha. Not even close ☺️

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Sure their capable but a household of all boys vs. of both genders is greatly different. There is no comparison.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

They may apply but no where near the level they do for boys.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Have a house of all boys and you will GREATLY appreciate it!

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Just boys

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

No it doesn’t. Households with both genders can’t relate. I truly is a different experience with all boys who are always in a competition and feed off of each other. #nocomparison

Jordan Koelsch Carlson 5 months ago

Nope. My son has been sensitive and cerebral from birth, while my daughter has been wild and crazy since birth. Their genders do not determine these factors. Their neurology does.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

True on so many levels!! Only moms of all boys can truly relate to this post.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Agreed. Girls have their own issues too.

Jodi Janae Blagg 5 months ago

“Stop touching your butthole” is one we’re going through. Hahaha.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

2.5 year olds don’t clean. Not quite the same

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Nope. No comparison

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Unless you have all boys who fuel each other’s fires and feed off of each others energy, you can’t possibly understand. There really is no comparison.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

Also, always be prepared to buy socks and sneakers. —

Earplugs are wise to have on hand. Boys are extremely loud. Everything makes obnoxious sounds and has to either blow up or crash into something.

Plus, they touch everything and everyone!

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

You say that, but you probably don’t have all boys that feed off of each other. There is no comparison.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

It absolutely does. Unless you have all boys, you may not truly get it.

Nikki Lindsey 5 months ago

I bet you experience a completely different wrestling match between your son and daughter than I do, my boys. Anyone who has all boys will tell you that there is no comparison.

Erika 5 months ago

I’m a mother of three boys and a step mom to three boys…6 altogether…age ranges from 16-6. Every bit that you mentioned is true…I’m also a step mom to three girls. Houseful here.

Sarah Poulsen Ziegler 5 months ago

#10. Sigh.

Nicole Ottmer Saunders 5 months ago

Yup

Geri Armine-Klein 5 months ago

Except for “the grab” this applies to mothers of girls too!

Colleen Reynolds 5 months ago

Excellent!! Love it, on the money totally….3 teenagers, $1000+ a month in food and never enough!!

Aly Hall 5 months ago

Funny because most of these sound EXACTLY like what my girls do. Two older girls, and now a 3 month old son. I think I can manage. Only difference is the penis.

Holly Bouchard Smith 5 months ago

Who says you have to be a boys mom for this?! I mean minus wrapping the penis around the fork deal. Literally every day I’m telling my son and DAUGHTER to stop climbing the banister.

Amanda Jewett Zekanis 5 months ago

Why is this just for boys?! Put the word vagina instead of penis for number 10 and ALL of these apply to my child.

Michael 5 months ago

#10: That’s because we have to make sure it’s STILL THERE. Shoot, it could disappear in the 0.322324598 seconds since the last time we checked.

amy webb 5 months ago

Oh Lord, my 5 year old girl is actually a boy! I should have known. Now she doesn’t grab her penis, obviously, but her hand is always down her pants!

Christie Zimmerman 5 months ago

Every word of this is true. I had a girl first, so I was so blind to all of this when my second was a boy. Holy cow…big difference!

Shannon Gausten 5 months ago

Yes, because this is only “boys”. *eyeroll* can we out with the ways of the baby boomers and their genderization of natural behaviors?

Liliane Conti 5 months ago

Interesting since I had girls.

Emma Jayne Hickman 5 months ago

Thank you for posting this I am the proud mother to two boys and everything in this I can totally relate too its quite an experience one more piece of advice is to create a quiet place in your mind because when fighting noise and mess created by our little boys makes you want to scream you can visit this little place quite often by consciously tuning off lol

Kara Johnson 5 months ago

Love!

Jessica Moore 5 months ago

I’ve experienced them all

Stephanie Altamirano La Rue 5 months ago

My life!!!!! They are really gross lol

TJ 5 months ago

Yes, yes, yes. They all apply to my girl and only one or two apply to my boy. And I’ve always said, little girls like to orbit Venus just as much as little boys play with their penis!

Jo Irwin 5 months ago

My daughter behaves more like this than my son.

Sue 5 months ago

ROTFL My boys are grown now, but all of these things are true!! The manager of the local grocery store told me he was going to have to lay off a cashier when my boys went back to college a few years ago! And my youngest son is “holding himself” in every picture until he was ten. We called it his security blanket! Really enjoyed the trip down memory lane!

Valerie Contreras 5 months ago

hey Imma girl & I use to do these scary “boys” stuff when I was little. dare devil stuff has no gender, as you can see wonderful beautiful women are in UFC. gender shouldn’t play a roll in anything these days as boys & girls are capable of doing the same dangerous stunts

Kylie Warren-Wright 5 months ago

My daughter has my son in a headlock…I think we may not be raising ladies….hahahaha!

Jodi Nickinello Bloom 5 months ago

Especially 2 and 9

Danielle 5 months ago

You wont just go through a lot jeans but shoes too, you will always be buying them new shoes.

Nicole Gonzales 5 months ago

My 2.5 twins clean all the time. We have to stop them some days because they get crazy. But they throw things away, sweep put dishes away clean their hands/face dust etc. Sometimes without us even asking!

Lindsey Maggio-Kasten 5 months ago

Get you hand out of your pants
Don’t lick that
Don’t eat that!
Where are your pants?
Where are your socks. Shoes. Coat. The list goes on.

Evelyn Delgado Carrasquillo 5 months ago

Lol love this

Cindy Greenfield 5 months ago

I can completely agree with everything she says here. She’s nailed it!

Heather Scherer-Wiggins 5 months ago

It’s not just a boy thing. I have 1son&2daughters. This fits my younger daughter more than my son.

Marisa Lanum 5 months ago

Yes exactly!!

Valerie Furlong Harrell 5 months ago

LOVED this! So true!

Courteney Joyce Mann 5 months ago

This is soooo accurate !!!! Love it

Heidi Richard 5 months ago

Stop with the gender stereotypes. All of these thing can apply to both boys and girls. Just put the word vagina where the word penis is in #10.

Amber Fruhling Ly 5 months ago

Lots of drama, Yep!

Susan Hubbard 5 months ago

Oh my! This is my grandsons! I’m so happy they are normal! Lol

Maryann Silverman 5 months ago

My daughter tried this all the time and also tried to jump down flights of steps

Lauren McKenna 5 months ago

LOL my boys do that all the tme!

Jessica Robinson Corbin 5 months ago

Yep!

Cicely Simpson-Jones 5 months ago

Ummm yes #9 & 10 in particular I would add #11 always remember to put the toilet seat down before u go…don’t even stress the issue of having them put it down just be glad they didn’t piss on the wall

Samantha McCormick 5 months ago

This is so true I have 3 boys and now a little girl no doubt she will be in the middle of it when she’s older!!

Jennifer Lyons Elsworth 5 months ago

Have two girls and a boy…. the toilet thing? Completely true. I’m constantly cleaning pee of the rim , walls and floor. I always wondered how my son missed so bad. Then one day he came out and said. ..” I have pee on my hair”. I said ..how the hell did u do that?” He said ” I was trying to see how far my pee would go in the air” Now I’m just thankful when the pee is only on the floor.

Janet Condouris 5 months ago

Now I know why fridge is still packed with milk and snacks …30 years later!

Dana Boester 5 months ago

Haha!! So true. Especially #8 about the jeans!!! Ahh!!

Karen Eggett 5 months ago

Nos. 5, 7, 9 did not apply to my family and I raised 5 boys. Trust me they were all boy. They were not big eaters, they were not dramatic, and they never ran around the house with no clothes on.

Alexis Saliveros 5 months ago

This is funny… but I’m seriously sick of the gender biased crap! I’ve got 6yo twin girls, and ALL of these apply to them!! Including the grabbing of private areas!

Susan Bush 5 months ago

How true , but wouldn’t trade them for the world!!

Joy M Kimmins 5 months ago

Yep

Elisha Brumley 5 months ago

Oh preach it!!! I too, am a mother of 4 boys and I wouldn’t have my life any other way!!! This article is right on the money!!!

Soleille Cyr 5 months ago

Hilarious! As the mother of two boys all I can say is, thank god I had a girl first!

Amor Delsol Laluz 5 months ago

Lol I love the term “goober grabbing”.

Stephanie Petersen 5 months ago

Today at the store the cashier looked at my 2 boys and said “do they act crazy? Do they jump all over the place? I’m so jealous, I have a girl. All she does is quietly color in the corner.”

Se Xiong 5 months ago

These 10 things are the only constants in my household having a house full of boys.

Shannon Lewis 5 months ago

Been there, done that.

Briahlen Havan 5 months ago

She only has boys…so I guess it makes sense that she doesn’t have a clue that girls do the same sort of stuff.

Donna Moore Bodio 5 months ago

Oh yes, this brings back memories.

Jeni Moeller 5 months ago

Articles such as this are exactly what perpetuate gender stereotyping. Enough already.

Dany McDaniel 5 months ago

These are all so true!

Sara Jarvis 5 months ago

Jeans and shoes. What do they do to them to wear them out so fast?!

Rachel Weir 5 months ago

So very true!

Joelle Dube 5 months ago

Girls put their hands down their pants too… They just cant wrap it around things… Lol

Susan Elise Walker 5 months ago

Lol! Goodness! Well, I stand corrected. Must just depend on the child then, huh?! :)

Julianne Sisley 5 months ago

I resent the gender bias!

Kim Flores 5 months ago

Ahhhhhh

Allison Holly Hamilton 5 months ago

Haha, they’re all so true! Especially the first 2!!

Amber Haulman 5 months ago

Mine at least keep the undies on now

Mary Bradley 5 months ago

Lol especially the drama!!

Brittany Culli 5 months ago

There is a difference on having one boy and one girl then having two boys sorry but when you have a team of boys this post is true

Taara Datta Donley 5 months ago

My son used to slam the door so much during his temper tantrums when he was two that the door came off the hinges. We had to remove it. He’s four and he still doesn’t have a door for his room. I also have a younger girl, so I really hope her emotional outbursts aren’t worse than his or we are doomed.

Kerry Roberts 5 months ago

Sooo with the farts one. My son has to bring farts into every conversation!

Jennifer Finelli DeFilippis 5 months ago

Lol!

Jamie Renee 5 months ago

All but the toilet one already apply. I’m doomed!!!

Beth Gerwitz-Hernandez 5 months ago

I read this earlier this more. #10 is so true. I don’t think they grow out of it either. Hahaha

Tiff Myler 5 months ago

My son whipped it out at the bus stop on my third day of kindergarten in front of everyone, including traffic. Though it was the first and so far last time, it was both hilarious and embarrassing. I had no idea how to do damage control on that one. An oncoming car honked, and reflexively, I flipped them the bird!

Jennifer Todd 5 months ago

Ha, I’ve seen this before. #10 is especially true. Right now he’s in a peek-a-boo phase with his penis.

Tiff Myler 5 months ago

Lol, I guess you’ve never been to my house! My son has pretty much been slamming the door in my face and screaming, “I’m angry!” since he could. By the way, parenting hack: put rubber bands around the door knobs.

Christine Griffith 5 months ago

I have a 2 year old and a 19 year old (both boys). The drama only gets worse. Teenage boys are so over dramatic! Everything is the end of the world!

Tiff Myler 5 months ago

Do they ever stop being naked?

Tiff Myler 5 months ago

I laughed my everything into one gurgling, gasping puddle. It’s SOOOO true! And I was always kind of a tomboy anyway. But the things little boys do, it’s just shocking (and admittedly gross and hilarious too).

Georgina Gehue 5 months ago

I never had a son, but God blessed me with 3 Gransons. Im raising one. This happened bout 5 yrs ago, my lil guy always took his time in the bathroom, I knew he was always up to something I always went in et sure enuff. Well one evening he was getting ready for bed, he went to the bthrm et yeah he was up to something I kept hearing pssss, over et over, it wasnt him peeing. I waited for him, he washed up,hugged me et went to bed. Bathroom looked fine I saw nuttin obvious. Until I went to use the bathroom, I sat down et felt it! The brat sprayed hard to hold hairspray all over the seat. Apparently alot. My big bare butt was stuck! Everytime I moved I felt my skin almost peel off. I almost cried. Anyone that says hairspray isnt that sticky, wrong! I thgt the same thing. I refused to call 911, can you imagine. After a few mins of wiggling, sqirming, almost crying I was free et threw away what was left of that stuff! …… he turned 9 the other day. I looked back on that day 5 yrs ago et just smile.

Lisa 5 months ago

You totally forgot how hard they are on shoes! We have to buy new shoes every month!

D’Arcy Ann Pryciak 5 months ago

Well, beside the genital parts

D’Arcy Ann Pryciak 5 months ago

Not just boys

My 7y girl would do this

Natasha Cross 5 months ago

She didn’t mention “learn to love spending pots of money on dumb arse computer games”!!!!

Gina Seip 5 months ago

Story of my liiiiiiiiiife

Joan Wedege Lundkvist 5 months ago

Love this!!! As a mother of three boys aged 4, 5 and 8 I can TOTALLY relate!!!

Crystal Shovlowsky 5 months ago

I do the same thing. Plus my 11 year old cleans his entire bathroom including the shower.

Korene Smalarz 5 months ago

Number 5 I hear all the time.

Diane 5 months ago

I feel like this whole list was based on my family lol! I have a nine year old twig like boy who eats adult size portions and is constantly hungry. Everything on this list is true at my house but my youngest, my daughter, is by far more dramatic and sassy than my boys.

Sarah 5 months ago

Love this and so true! Just wait for the smells and bathroom messes u get when they become teens. Oh and don’t forget about the increased water bill for the extended showers they start taking, if u catch my drift. 4 boys total, 2 teens, 1 almost pre-teen, and a toddler. Still trying to figure out who makes the bigger messes, teens or toddlers.

Pamela Travis 5 months ago

Hahaha yup and I also have a friend with four boys who are at my house all the time, so five little people 7 and under running around my house :)

Michelle Kazanovicz 5 months ago

3 boys who are know 16 21 and 28 .. They are all these things .. But they are also kind sweet lovable to there mom .. Love my boys

janabananas 5 months ago

My oldest will be 19 soon. At his 7th birthday party, another little boy came into the house carrying a little baby copperhead in his hand. For the love of god you could have died! How would I explain that to your parents??!!

Karl Zamora Pearson 5 months ago

Haha! I’ll only need 9 of them because I pass no. 7 xx

Meg Crane 5 months ago

Yes, ALL of that!!

Kayla Ortiz-Ferguson 5 months ago

It does!

Bobbie Ann King 5 months ago

I uttered “stickers do not go on your wee-wee” last night. Haha I’m sure I’ll have many more “I never thought I’d say that” moments.

Nicole K Walters 5 months ago

Oh this was good!!!

Lynette Lara Chandler 5 months ago

Looks like us as kids

Lisa Hill Wittliff 5 months ago

Spot on!!

Rainya Abd. Ghani 5 months ago

OMG! So much to look forward to! Hooray! (Sarcasm,of course)

Susan Elise Walker 5 months ago

Girls are still way more emotional. My daughter tried to slam her door shut in anger at age 2. (Note the operative word “tried.” LOL) Most of my friends have one of each and agree that girls’ emotional outbursts far exceed their boys’.

Stephanie Heckman 5 months ago

Oh #8! My son wears holes in the knees of his jeans before we even get out of the store with them I swear!

Leanne Lauer VandeCreek 5 months ago

I have 2 boys–one that is 7 yrs, and one that is 6 months. Dying laughing right now. Dying!

Rhonda Lynn 5 months ago

#5 & #7 not my kids. We don’t do drama in this house.

Kelley Cathcart 5 months ago

My 5 year old eats and eats…he is never full.

Shirley Hausner 5 months ago

Not just the boys!

Gabrielle San Juan 5 months ago

Love this one

Jasmine Heizer 5 months ago

This is my four boys right here. I laughed through this whole thing because every last one was applies to my boys. Great article!!!!

Bea Sanchez 5 months ago

Tried it… Didn’t work

Bea Sanchez 5 months ago

And boys can sure break your heart!

Heather Fulginiti 5 months ago

One of the best articles I’ve ever read!

Megan Nelson 5 months ago

# 8 yes. We thrift store them jeans!

Megan Shafer-Candora 5 months ago

Lol 2,4,9,10 so far.

Jamie 5 months ago

My son is going to be 1 in a few days…number ten is the New thing in our house…

Candi Harding 5 months ago

And I thought, he better not break that railing… And it’s only a 3 foot drop. I have 4 boys :)

Donna Friedeck 5 months ago

This is hands down the funniest yet! “stop wrapping your penis around your fork!” Priceless.

Amanda Rae Weinstein 5 months ago

My 16 months old already thinks farts are funny.

Auntie Barb 5 months ago

Except for the toilet seat battle and The Grab, believe me, these can all be said about the cute little princesses, too. Trade the sprinkled toilet for make-up and glitter on every surface. And believe me, glitter is forever. But in our families we draw the line at nudity. EVERYBODY must wear undies. Or underoos. Shirtless is okay but that butt better be covered! Especially when they sit on the kitchen counter and just eat out of the cabinet.

Elaine J Cruickshanks 5 months ago

My brother decided it would be a good idea to ride his bike down the stairs and ended up in casualty!

Paula Brown Chapman 5 months ago

Ha, the drama of boys! “At least you don’t have girls” is a joke.

Jodi Halweg 5 months ago

Sorry, but everything except the last one applies to both of my girls. They are far more adventerous than any boy I have ever come across and thankfully, we have had no ER visits for trauma…they know how to bounce back up and not cry everytime they fall and I don’t baby them when it happens.

Shirley Didier 5 months ago

And when the girls bring home the boys…….. #7 is a shock. They are always hungry. And they sprawl…. just fill up so much space!!

Jessica Waagner 5 months ago

#7 and 9 for sure!

Michelle Jennings Johnston 5 months ago

They are such drama queens! And the weenies…endless. My boys have theirs do tricks. Wtf?

Amber Haulman 5 months ago

Literally. As I read this, with my 6 year old sitting next to me.

Jennifer Schmidt 5 months ago

Lol!!!!!!

Kelly Tucker 5 months ago

Injury vs hospital needed now injury are common with boys. Lol.

Debbie Noonan 5 months ago

Love this..so true!

Sunshine Medina 5 months ago

My little guy used to eat ants like it was nobody’s business. That phase lasted 2 summers.

Sammy Woodman 5 months ago

I have two boys and am expecting baby #3…. Which I’m just guessing… Will also be s boy lol. I think my uterus is blue and has a beard as well

Lynne Callahan Cavanaugh 5 months ago

I know soooo many people who could have written this….and maybe even added to it………it’s beyond true!

Ashley Lenz Keiser 5 months ago

I’ve seen this before and appreciated another read, Perry :)

Jordan Koelsch Carlson 5 months ago

I hate articles that perpetuate gender stereotypes. My daughter is much more dirty, adventurous, and rough and tumble than her brother. These are personality traits and have nothing to do with gender.

Quinetta Mitchell 5 months ago

Read her 10 best things about having boys.

Amber Dawn Lewis 5 months ago

Yes! I have a girl who is almost 4 and a son who just turned one. All of this is true- especially the eating part! My son already eats twice as much as his sister!

Ann Mueller 5 months ago

Wow so disappointed to see this is perpetuating gender stereotypes- no need to repost or you could have taken the effort to update it – I typical enjoy your humorous posts but except for #5 & 10 and the specific issues related to male anatomy this applies to many many girls . ( btw you do know you have boys because of their dads contribution right? )

Tracy Allen 5 months ago

I have all girls and this is true for them too. Except number ten.

Tara A. Mershon 5 months ago

Lol so true!!

Shels Michele 5 months ago

Yes.

Kristy Edwards 5 months ago

My son has grown out of his jeans faster than ruining them here lately!! Shot up almost a foot in a year! And the amount of food he can eat is astounding. Almost 6 foot tall at 14

Maggie Morgan Bacon 5 months ago

Gah…the pee….it will never end

Ashlee Murphree 5 months ago

So funny and so true!

Donna Dowd 5 months ago

Yes they do.

Tasha Gilbert 5 months ago

I would say more of these apply to my daughter than my son. Childhood gender expectations are garbage…

Siouxqie TwoKnuckle 5 months ago

Oh my god, yes! However, in my house, boys piss all over the toilet, they clean them. Because, hell no am I cleaning that nastiness.

Loco Domino 5 months ago

Lol!!

Elizabeth Bando 5 months ago

Truth

Lois Smith Callender 5 months ago

Yup. Pretty much all of these.

Lindsay Christine Atteberry 5 months ago

Omg, the jeans. My ten year-old daughter has jeans from four years ago that are in pristine condition. My seven year-old son? His jeans last about a week before I started noticing wear-and-tear on the knees. When that happens, it’s only a matter of time before we have a blow-out.

Lee Ann Rothrock Stroud 5 months ago

Mine did not do this when he was little. Jr High and High School were the years it is hard for them to not test the waters!!!! Lo!!

Anne Kline 5 months ago

The upstairs railings are still wobbly after having my son, Mark, climbing on them all the time. My girls never did this.

Nicole Blum Snell 5 months ago

Yep! 2 boys! ❤️

Kris 5 months ago

Love it! So true (although I only have one 12 year old boy). He would strip in the supermarket. Snorted crushed cheerios, get in fights then get all dramatic that it wasn’t his fault. Tore the crotch right out of a pair of new jeans first time he wore them. Of the list goes on. Thanks for the laughs.

Katie Griffiths 5 months ago

Boys are frightening looool. My girls had the odd bump and tumble especially in their early toddler years, but my son climbs on the couch and deliberately somersaults off of it. He terrifies me to no end. Boy needs a bubble suit looool

Sara Bechta 5 months ago

My lord, yes….

Vera DiMartino Whittler 5 months ago

I love this!!

Jonne Oden Wilson 5 months ago

By the way, #3, 7, and 10 never go away…

Maggie Clingman 5 months ago

I looked at the picture before reading the article and thought “no worries, it’s not that far of a drop”. I have 2 boys.

Jennifer Floyd 5 months ago

My girls are just as rough and tumble as their big brother lol.

Tamara Gandy O’Brian 5 months ago

Why just boys? Aside from the penis stuff….this goes for girls too……

Jess Studley 5 months ago

Very true! Loved this!

Rossella Frascoli 5 months ago

Totally true!!! Every. Single. Word. Thank you sooo much because you made me laugh for things that usually make me “cry”!!!

SaeMi Kim 5 months ago

This picture describes my son’s exactly! Lol but after having 3 boys….going through the battle GI joes, I had 2 girls. I’ve become a total wuss. Bugs creeps me out & my boys grosses me out me. In fact I think I’m raising them to be girls. My kids are going to have identity complications

Danielle Marie Caissie 5 months ago

Ugh my 6 year old son has ruined several pairs of his uniform pants for school the past two weeks. First a hole… Then completely ripped in half. And the rest… Yes all of it.

Janelys Servilla 5 months ago

BTW…. My daughter is much much worse

Janelys Servilla 5 months ago

Just had my first ER visit yesterday for stitches…. I have a feeling it won’t be my last

Beth Catron Boyle 5 months ago

Yes yes yes and especially #5. Who knew?!

Beth Decker 5 months ago

So I live in an all male household, two sons, one husband, two brothers. Oh yes and a male dog, three male cats too. Glad to hear that the penis grabbing isn’t limited to my testosterone factory.

Vicki Dickeson 5 months ago

One of the truest things I’ve ever read about parenting! My 17-yr-old boy rivals any girl for drama – and I mean worse than his older sister who deals with anxiety/depression and OCD!

Fran Rizzi 5 months ago

Wow…it’s lihe you’re in my head! “You must rethink your standards of “safety”…!!

Andrea 5 months ago

I am two days away from having our first little boy. We have two beautiful, sweet, clean little girls. This article literally made me cry. :( I don’t want a stinky, dirty, perpetually hungry, winky grabbing little person. Panic attack!!!

Sarah Jane Gross 5 months ago

My daughter does lot of these- I have one of each! My daughter is more dramatic but that doesn’t mean my son isn’t. She also sits too close to the front of the toilet so messed happen. My son def loves his penis -_- must take after his father

Monica Martinez 5 months ago

OMG!!!! Soooo funny and soooo true!!!

Julie Torres 5 months ago

My boy is 20 now, but this still made me chuckle. I love every minute of having a boy! :-)

Emily Mell 5 months ago

Does this have to be gender based ?

Sonia Arguijo 5 months ago

So true!!!!

Amanda von Herrmann 5 months ago

*9 Things moms of multiple children must do

There. Fixed it.

Sonya Christine Hooper 5 months ago

And daughters ours already attempted similar

Michele J Miller 5 months ago

Love it! But she forgot 2 things – first #8 also socks… jeans & socks! My youngest goes through socks like they were made of tissue paper! Second – prepare to be surprised by the Hugs! My boys give the best hugs!

Tracey Whyte 5 months ago

Love this article :)

Angie Shaw 5 months ago

Thank God I thought I was alone in this world of testosterone

Strega Nonadolci 5 months ago

Lol!! OMG! Sooo true!!

Heather Nolen Kelly 5 months ago

You don’t have to clean the toilet. I’ve been letting my son clean up after himself since he was 4. I give him a few Clorox wipes and tell him to go to town. He’s 7 now. Knowing that he will be the one to clean it up (hopefully) makes him more careful.

Amber-Jeremy Lee Coyle 5 months ago

This is girl
Spot On

Peggy L Gregory 5 months ago

Lolololol

Kellington Wafflebatch 5 months ago

So, kids in general.

Stacy Rodman-Bauer 5 months ago

This this!!!! So true

Scary Mommy 5 months ago

One of my favorite posts

Mary Maher 5 months ago

Love it

Gwen Olson Clark 5 months ago

#2… Poopy butt is a phrase I can’t stand and yet it is regular conversation in our house.

Angela M Galloway 5 months ago

True! 2 boys (3 counting hubby) and 1 girl (no goober grabbing) but everything else right on at our Mad House lol

Jamie Stewart 5 months ago

So very true..

Heidi Payne 5 months ago

My 11 year old son is ten times more dramatic than his 14 year old sister …

Sarah L King 5 months ago

Number 10…pmslol

Lizzie Whelan 5 months ago

18 month old lad and he’s showing all these traits already! But he doesn’t half love his mummy and thankfully isn’t too old yet for on demand cuddles and kisses 😀 xx

Sarah Jane Cole 5 months ago

All so true, except for the drama. Guess I got lucky! I have 3 sons; 15, 17, 18.

Holly Ribarchik Ferry 5 months ago

I have two boys with a girl sandwiched between. All three of mine fit this. Yeah. Right now the girl and oldest boy are wrestling and sliding off the couch.

Jackie Marcink 5 months ago

This totally applies to girls too… My son is nothing like this except for the toilet part. My daughter, however…

Sarah Graver Johnson 5 months ago

#5 – yes! My son is WAY more dramatic than his tween sister

Mary Chenette Genereux 5 months ago

I have 3 boys and these are spot on! lol

Rachelle Ross-Funk 5 months ago

This is children in general. Not just boys lol

Alison Gibson-Maiola 5 months ago

Omg lol

Amor Delsol Laluz 5 months ago

“Stop wrapping your penis around your fork”. I almost choked reading that line because I was eating and laughing at the same time.

Kate Henderson 5 months ago

All of that applies to my son. AND my daughter.

Lucy MacDonald 5 months ago

Apart from the penis one – the same can be applied to an all girl household (apart from daddy lol)!

Tammie 6 months ago

I have a soon to be 3 year old son and I’m a single mom and I agree with all of this and Have uttered the words please don’t put your penis in your juice cup…they are something else boys but I adore mine even if he is overly dramatic at times (I throw away a dirty Apple he starts screaming I LOVED THAT APPLE) boys are awesome!

alice 6 months ago

My boy is all of that and more. He gives drama a new name HOLY CRAP. The amount of times i smack myself head OMG you did NOT just say that…OMH you did not just do that. The only word that truly vomes to mindbis WOW i never wanyed a girl but WOW i had five bros non sisters so i relate easily to boys my son loves to try to hross me oit he has yet to try anything my brothers never did. My oldest cut my second to the oldedt fingers off we were eatting dinner he came in with fingers just hangin me: SO COOL can i try that…i was 4 then the quarter out the ear i tried and ate a nickle it never vame out my ear my brother lied it vame out another orphas grrr so yeah boys are for sure a whole new game. Mine is 12 my firl is 7 months and i was terrified at the thought im so tom boyish but you adapt

Sarah 6 months ago

Everything except #5. Yeah, my boy (4 year old son) is “dramatic” in a little kid way but he doesn’t break down for 40 minutes because it’s 40 degrees and he can’t wear his sundress to school (6 year old daughter), cry for over an hour that she doesn’t want to go to dance class and then after dance class declare it to be the best day ever, or tell me that she is the worst person in the whole world anytime she gets into trouble (oh and nobody loves her and she should just run away). But my “all boy” child… I just feel bad for Bear Grylls’ mother (Man vs. Wild) because my son is heading down that track…

RandomDude 6 months ago

So you want to write a piece on things specific to boys even though you don’t have girls. Even though your own experience is limited?

No, eating lots of food, safety, messes, and running around naked are things CHILDREN do. It’s ironic that you are writing a blog post on the things specific to boys when really it’s your own sexist projection of the male stereotype being projected onto your children. (with perhaps the grabbing of the penis – girls have difficulty with this part, naturally).

Really – think about this. You have no experience outside of boys yet you’re writing about things specific only to them? Cutesy is not amusing.

Divine 6 months ago

So true!!! Mom of 3 boys here.

Tasha H 6 months ago

Oh dear god. There are entirely too many people on here without a sense of humor. Lighten up for goodness sakes.

Gigi 6 months ago

I have one but he’s enough for 5. I often wonder what my nonna did 80 years ago on a farm raising FIVE boys. It must have been crazy. I wish that I could have heard her stories about raising my father and his brothers. Must have been lots of fun. God bless & rest her soul for getting through it.
Thanks for the giggles.

Gigi 6 months ago

Amen!

Stereotypes Are Fun 6 months ago

This is so true!!! I have two girls, thank god I don’t have to bathe them! Or feed them. They never fart and then laugh about it, nor do they ever try dangerous shenanigans. Nudity doesn’t exist in our house, because – girls, right? Plus, they are so neat and clean, no baths! I’ve never cleaned up a pee mess, either, since girls are born with an innate sense of how to use a potty. Too bad about all the drama, though.

Janet Myers 6 months ago

Oh my God! THIS IS MY LIFE! I kept expecting to be able to say, “Nope. Never experienced that one.” But I have first hand knowledge of Every. Single. One. I have to tell you, you made me feel so much better. It seems like I’m always comparing myself other mother’s who I think are more patient, more organized, more calm, more wise than I am. Like, am I the only mom who says at least once a week. “How did they get pee THERE?? Did they even TRY to aim??” Or who feels like she is yelling too much because every 5 minutes a new fight breaks out, (yes, boy-drama is real. Very real.)? Or, who continues to nonchalantly shop while her boys engage in a full-on WWE wrestling match because it’s an every day occurrence? But it turns out it’s all a facade. It seems that our boys are all doing the same things. So, thank you! Truly. For making me feel “normal”, and for the belly laughs (especially #10 – my kids call it a ‘wenis’ and ‘marble sack’. They pull the marble sack over the wenis and pretend it disappeared. And they are obsessed with it).

Julie 7 months ago

This was so funny…and true! After growing up with sisters and having 2 girls first, imagine my surprise when my little boys insisted on peeing at the same time and calling out “Criss-cross” and “Stop and Go!” What!?! Our youngest stood up at the dinner table and pulled down his boxers (all he had on at the time!!) to show us all that he had a pubic hair.
One surprise I’d add has to do with me. I used to make fun of (ie. judge) moms of teenagers who would “serve” them, like making them a sandwich or packing their duffel bag…seriously they could do those things for themselves! But now that I have a 15 and 13 year old and they don’t “need” me as much, I’m surprised how much I actually enjoy doing things like that for them. They aren’t around that much, and those are little ways I can help make their busy life a little easier. The good news is that they don’t expect the help or take it for granted. They say ‘thank you” and appreciate it.

Helena 7 months ago

I couldn’t stop laughing at #10. I mean busting out, can’t breathe, roaring laughter, I couldn’t even finish the paragraph for a while kind of laughter. I have 5 boys – 19, 15,14,13, 9 yrs old. If you think the grocery bill is bad now, HA! just wait. It increases exponentially! My consolation is my oldest and only daughter who is 21. She helped me with those boys until she left for college- thousands of miles away (boo hoo). Anyway, I really enjoyed this piece of writing and have passed it along to a new mom who is about to have her first child- a boy! And to others I have posted on FB. Thanks for the laugh.

Susan 7 months ago

Your post is right on–I’m the mother of three sons and they are now 21, 20 and 17 1/2. Just wait till you get to the dating stage….it amps up the drama. Wait till one or more of them becomes a serious athlete (one of mine just signed to play in college) you think your grocery bill is high now, just wait and then forget about buying jeans, keeping him in gear (sneakers, cleats, indoor soccer shoes, shorts, socks, t-shirts, etc) empties the wallet just as quickly and wait till they want to use the AXE body spray, deodorant and need hair gel to keep their “look” or the hours they spend in the shower or working on the hair-do, and teaching them to drive, and shave, and correctly tie their tie…..oh my, you have so much more to look forward to…and you know what? it is all AMAZING and the greatest experience of my life…..ENJOY IT!!!!!!!

Lisa 7 months ago

Just wait til you get to the “armpit hair” attitude. Pre-adolescence is so fun with boys. Changing voices, body hair, acne, shaving, girls, trying to get taller than mom… Love it!!!! I am raising my third male son and I am having a blast! Honesty, humor, unconditional love, and endless amout of forgiveness goes a long ways. Don’t worry, mommas…you will survive and your boys will become amazing men. Just pray daily and keep the faith!

Billye 7 months ago

I loved this! I am a mom of four boys too (five if you count my husband), and every thing you wrote is so true! It is awesome to know that someone understands my plight!

Dalynn 7 months ago

Oh my goodness! My hubby is the oldest son of 4 boys, and we now have 4 boys, with one girl in the second birth place. He tells me all the time to “chill’ or “relax” because they are just being boys :). Even with that, I am sooooo glad to hear that my 9 year old isn’t the only child in the world to wipe his NASTY OLE boogers all over the walls next to his bed, in the bathroom across from the toilet (not sure how he does that other than standing up from a poop just to wipe off a booger, bypassing the toilet paper RIGHT NEXT to him). We cured him of it by making him clean all the walls on his own. He didn’t like to touch them anymore than the rest of us, evidently. Also, boys licks floors too, UGH! They are a totally different breed! I have noticed they are even more “boyish” when there aren’t girls between them. In my home my brothers weren’t as disgusting as my boys are, and I am fairly certain its because they had girly girls between them. Just my observation, lol. I am not a girly girl myself, but WOW my eyes have been opened! I love being a mom to boys, but WOW, just WOW!

Kristin Smith 7 months ago

Haha #10… when I had my ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby, the first thing we saw was him grabbing his penis. That part of the brain must develop first. And as far as tantrums go? He’s having one right now because I put his juice in a cup instead of letting him drink it out of its original container.

Rhonda 7 months ago

I only had one boy, but this is spot on!

Robin 7 months ago

Thanks for the smiles…I’ve got 5 boys who are grown..kinda! 19-28. Every word you speak is true. I call that awful smell ‘boy funk’ trust me, it takes over your whole house when they are teenagers! Some days I wonder how in the world I made it through other days I cry because we are through! Our food bill has gone from $500 a week to maybe $75 a week. We’ve spent thousands on sports cars girlfriends tickets insurance and I could go on and on, but I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything, especially 5 girls : )

Liisi 7 months ago

Thank you! I have 2 boys, grew up with 4 brothers, but today I just needed this…because I laughed at everything because I’ve been there are some stage of my life. Thanks so much for helping remember how amazing boys are, and how much goes into them being them. AND most of all thanks for your blog and helping me realize I’m not the only mom who thinks she’s a Monster, and how to over come those negative thoughts. Thank you again!

karen 7 months ago

Thank you for such a great, true and cutting-edge blog! I have two boys (13 and 16 years old). What’s hilarious is that I just had to return a pair of Levi’s to the store yesterday due to an unfortunate hole in the butt…I’m still trying to figure out just how you get a hole in such a place – perhaps it was a fart to beat all others!!!

Regarding the grocery bill, I’m sorry to say, multiplies exponentially! We just came across a pay stub from when my husband had enlisted in the Coast Guard (20-years ago) that wouldn’t even cover HALF of our grocery bill nowadays.. much less rent, bills and let’s don’t forget….jeans and bandaids! :)

Niccole 7 months ago

This is so accurate and spot on that I don’t even have words… every single one of these is my daily life!! :)

My Life My Dudes 7 months ago

All true! I love 1,4,6 and 9! I’m starting my own blog about life with boys… Please check it out! http://www.mylifemydudes.com

crystal k 7 months ago

I have one son and he is the greatest gift. I have learned so much. Boys have a unique perspective you just have to have an open mind for.

HandKsmom 7 months ago

We started out teaching our oldest boy the correct terms for all the parts but it didn’t stick. He decided to call his penis a TURTLE after a visit to the zoo. Our little one just sorta picked it up too. And for now its fine, We still use the right words for it and they still tell me about their turtles when they need too…

Beth 7 months ago

My son is 8 and 1/2 and still pees sitting down. The only time he pees standing up is in a urinal, and even then if there is a stall, he prefers it. He also has never been interested in playing with his penis. Never grabbed it during diaper changes, etc. This was not what I expected! My daughter touches herself way more than my son ever has/does. My son was also way more dramatic as a baby and toddler than my daughter ever was. He is also much more sensitive and gets his feelings hurt more easily. I did not get the typical boy’s boy and I love him so! But this is a very entertaining and well written piece.

Sunshine 7 months ago

Don’t get why this is a list for boys only, seems like pretty standard kids things, boy or girl, unless of course you are very strict at limiting your girls. As a mum of four boys the author might not know too much about girls, but points out that boys can be drama queens too (really?) and that she can enjoy fart humor (strangely enough, despite being a woman). These kinds of articles just reinforce the constructed image and stereotypes we have of men and women and really limit kids. People are different, not boys and girls (yeah yeah the biological differences blah blah, but seriously, the human mind is so advanced and complex, that I cannot see how biology would determine if we like pink or blue, if we’re into cars or dolls etc.). No offense, I know a lot of people who really believe in these stereotypes, but I just don’t get it. I’d rather give my kids the opportunity to be themselves than to fit them into some predetermined roles.

David 7 months ago

Ermmmmm

Ya think this doesn’t apply to girls? The boys of this generation have a huge shock coming

Brittany Lawyer 7 months ago

I almost peed myself I laughed so hard! This is so true. I am always making a plethora of grilled cheese sandwiches and telling one of them to stop playing with their wee-wee. Thanks for shedding light on my glamorous life!

sarah 7 months ago

You just described my three kids. Two of which are girls!

Christina 7 months ago

Oh my gosh YES!!! Someone understands my pain!! @KylieBreeze the cuddly stage only lasts for a few years so ENJOY IT. That ‘in the refrigerator every five minutes and in the cabinets in between’ stage is FOREVER. So is nudity.

Karlien du Preez 8 months ago

This was simply AWESOME to read!!!
Thank you so much! Numbers 9 and 10 were driving me up the walls but I get it now!!!
Thank you

Karen 8 months ago

my 2 much older kids (boy and girl) I didn’t really see any of these boy concerns. Big sis convinced her shy bro to bend at her will and had him dressing up (in dresses and my shoes) along with just going along with anything else she came up with. He’s a financially stable wonderful married man today. My youngest son (now 8) …. Away from his siblings most of his life/like a single child….holy smokes! Your post had me cracking up and thinking “okay…. This is normal?” Take it one step further…. I have had to explain to son 2 why he should look a woman in the face when speaking to her instead of at her boobs. His response? That it’s just what men do and men really like boobs! Trying to find patience and humor every day…. I need strength! Thanks for a great post!

Valerie Harding 8 months ago

Best article about boys Ever! You described my boys and my life to a “T”. So happy to know we are all normal. 😉

Tambi 8 months ago

you forgot the parroting :tell one to stop and the next one starts you end up saying stop 3 times!!! by the forth time your voice has raised an entire decibel… I remember 4 sets of size 12 shoes tracking in dirt… So our rule was shoes off at the door; which resulted in at least 8 but usually 10 or more (because they all come with friends) size 12 shoes blocking the door and you are tripping over them… The testosterone battles with puffed out chests! I swear they look just like those fighting cocks.. But best of all I remember being totally adored by these gentle giants that love you and would protect you with their life!!! I love my sons!! Mine are in there 30’s now. I think back: and in my minds eye I see them and would give anything If I could have those sweet, funny, silly incredible taxing, trying times back …

Matriarch 8 months ago

I can still remember the day I told them they had to wear pants if they expected to eat dinner at the table. And by pants, I meant anything that covered their bottoms. The screams and wails and tear would have convinced anybody watching that I’d just killed the family dog.

jane 8 months ago

Don’t any of these parents know about training and discipline? Don’t blame the kids it’s the parents that are responsible. And yes I have kids and they never behaved like some on here.

Candice 8 months ago

I absolutely love this article. I’ve recently became a stay at home mom with my 5 yr old and wow I’m learning so much more about him.Oh and #4 was great for me to read. I’m not the over protective Mom, but I am one that thinks my son is too rough. However I’m growing to learn that’s just how boys play. He’s not hurting anyone just likes to wrestle, jump, stomp, slam, etc. Encouraging! I am definitely passing this onto a friend of mine that has a little boy turning 1 yr old in Feb. This will ease some of her worries. So glad I’ve found your website!

Robin 8 months ago

Love this as a Mom of three of those testosterone roaring lions. I don’t understand where the phrase “I am woman, hear me roar” came from when I swear it has got to come naturally from boys.

I surrendered the toilet. I can’t count how many times I got a wet butt on the toilet seat. Right after I cleaned it. All of the toilet; even behind and on the floor.And the ONLY time they lifted the toilet seat and didn’t bother putting it back is when you have to pee really bad and rush in the dark. Not just a cold porcelain toilet… it was peed on too.

How about no toilet… whipping it out anywhere they feel like it because they had to go bad. According to a 3 year old, the hot dog stand had some privacy at the corner of a bench seat.

Bathtime… after they made a soapy hairdo they ran to the mirror to check it out and then ran bare assed all through the house to show everyone how cool it is, leaving the wet trail of course. It’s more fun to slip and slide back to the tub.

Jeans… almost always turned into shorts after a month of use.

The farts get louder and funnier (to them) as they age. They rev up their arms and flex muscles to add more power behind them as they proudly announce “Listen! Top this”! Don’t forget the squinting faces for manly drama on a 10 year old. It’s a power trip.

Skateboarding was my nightmare. I was always afraid of them splitting their bodies into parts. I think that was when I started to drink wine… often.

Ages 31, 28, and 11 and they are still alive.

I do pray a lot. 😉

Carol Onorato 8 months ago

This was delightful and all 10 things are right on. Am sending to all my younger friends who have boys

Shannon 8 months ago

I have to say, your house sounds 100% like mine, boys ages and everything! This is the first article I’ve read of yours, but I will be most definitely following you…..just to know I’m not alone! Oh yeah and “if you can’t save them, don’t watch” is my motto!!

Carrie ashlock 8 months ago

I have 2 Girls and 4 Boys. Boys 12_7-5-4 girls14-3. Boys are so much fun every seccond something funny happens. And they realy truly love eachother i always wished i had a brother but had 2sisters lol i love my boys they give the best huggs and i love being surrounded by handsom guys all the time fyi i love my girls too.

Suzanne 8 months ago

So true and so so sooo funny! I literally laughed out loud so many times that my husband had to ask what I was reading!

Sheri Austin 8 months ago

Oh, laughed out loud while lamenting with you! I have three boys, now 22, 19 and 13. On thing I would add to the jeans comment is “ditto with socks”. I could never keep them in socks without holes!
I always said I should have purchased stock in air fresheners! Because my house smelled like a locker room for many years.

Sus’ 8 months ago

I Loved this article! I had lots of thoughts to help out for those struggling financially to get food, on # 7: The worst day for me was the day I had lost my job and unemployment had not come through yet, and my 12 year old son, who was growing so fast you could see it, stood at the fridge with the door open and said, “Mom, is it ok if I have something to eat? I”m really hungry and I know we don’t have any money.” I couldn’t help it, but started crying, and grabbed him, hugged him hard, and told him, “You will ALWAYS have food, and you NEVER have to ask me for food – eat as much as you want, anytime you want, and this is not for you to worry about, ever.” It killed me. (His dam step-mother “used” food in any way she could, including critiquing what they ate, ‘how much’ they ate, as well as complaining about “how much it cost to feed them” while they were eating, when he visited his father. According to our family doctor, that’s a good way to create an eating disorder, which runs in my family.) And, at that point in my life, I had been volunteering my entire life – you guessed it – for food banks and helping others to have plenty of food. I had never been to a food bank or had food stamps yet, and it hadn’t occurred to me to ask. But, two weeks later I was offered a really good job, so I didn’t check in at the local food bank until years later, but I would suggest it to anyone. And, if you can volunteer, it’s a good place to help out, especially if you can lift boxes!

There are 15+ million kids in this country who suffer from “food insecurity”, which is having food, but not enough, or sometimes going hungry, but not every day. It’s a real problem.

After talking to many others, I learned that most fights on the playground happen around dinner time – when some kids aren’t having dinner because they don’t have enough food, or their parents aren’t home to feed them because of awful work schedules. My kids knew to watch for signs and invite the kids home, so I fed plenty and word would get around. Hungry kids are easier to get angry, and getting involved in drama like fights in the neighborhood. (So are lonely, and tired kids, so I tried to remember “HALT” for “hungry, angry, lonely and tired” before I would lose it too much when my kids were young. It’s amazing what a cheeseburger, a chat, a hug & snuggles, and a nap can do.

I saw the programs about “couponing” recently though, and realized that a Mom of little guys could begin figuring out that process and have a pretty good couponing system in place by the time the boys are teens. I understand it does take awhile to figure out how to do it, and in our state there are only 3 stores that will “double” coupons and such so that a person could actually have one of those huge shopping trips and pay only a few dollars for them – but many times those amazing TV grocery shopping trips include 100 boxes of tic tacs or such, when you really need real food to fill up those tummies. But, still, it’s a thought to finance the teen years.

Another thought is to always have something ‘extra’ prepared in the fridge, whether it’s a pot of green pea soup you help make palatable with a little bacon or ham, and a half a handful of brown sugar if you can use it (the peas themselves are usually only .79 per bag, and that makes a ton of soup), or a huge mac n’ cheese casserole with some veggies thrown in, or how about a boatload of home made ‘hot pockets’ (not to be confused with item #10, LOL), that you can make yourself if they are expensive still (they were super expensive in my town, for awhile but I haven’t priced them lately) with boxed biscuit mix, bbq or spaghetti sauce, hamburger, some veggies (or whatever filling you want) and a bit of cheese, then bake them ahead, put in sandwich bags and freeze. They can be re-warmed on a cookie sheet at 200 so the cheese can melt and they defrost. There is also good ol’ toast, which seems to be sort of wonderful with real butter and jam. The lower shelves in the staples aisle are where they hide the inexpensive but nutritious stuff, like popcorn you pop yourself, and white beans for humus. Plus you’ll find the red beans for a chili cook off the boys could compete over, while learning how to cook it, which does double duty as it would also help add fuel for the fart contests, right?

I also related to the jeans problem, big time, because of financial problems after a car accident. My kids were great at helping out after that, and one year I was really lucky because it was popular to go “thrifting” at their high school that year, and jeans for $6 per pair instead of $100 like the year before saved their bts (back to school) shopping for me. But, I think it only takes one “cool” kid to change the way many kids opinions, in a high school – and it isn’t really being “cool”, it’s really one kid with the guts to stand up and say, “Oh yeah – the thrift store is the ONLY place I’ll shop” to a bunch of girls who are drooling over him. That comment can turn the tide for every other parent (who will be forever grateful to your son for saying that, in this economy!)

The only other thing I would add to the list, for later, is the “late night phone calls from girls”, which started in 3rd grade. I was surprised to receive calls after 11 pm, almost every night. Once I told the girl to stop it, because we went to bed before 10 pm, so then she would just call and hang up on me, and tell my son what a “B*” she thought I was, on the playground. She never figured out that my son didn’t have a landline in his room, and the only other line was in my room. This was before cell phones, so sheesh, I don’t know now, other than letting the girl call to her hearts content and leave messages. Back then my son had a friend who was being abused, and my elderly Mom was quite ill, so I left the phone ringer on, for emergency calls.

Thanks so much for sharing that list, I now have 4 grandsons, and it was wonderfully funny, and helpful!

Sus’

Trudy 8 months ago

Well, if you put the effort into it, you can raise normal, well behaved boys who still get rough and play like boys do. You need to be in a partnership with a husband who is willing to discipline and spare not the rod when it is necessary. But most of all, show them love. Discipline without love, will cause them to be rebellious.

Nina 8 months ago

Hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh, great article!

Maria Serros 8 months ago

As a mother of 6 boys, ages, 27,26,24,16,9,& 7, I can so relate to all of these! Yes! I still do wish I would have had a girl, but I wouldn’t change a thing! My boys are all unique in their own special way! The weird thing though, my younger ones act very similar to the older ones!

Sue Davis 8 months ago

Never ever under any circumstance show your fear of snakes, spiders, blood or daring activities. My DILs didn’t listen and their boys chase them with all kinds of creatures. In your nicest mommy voice you just say “cool snake but it really belongs outside”. My four boys were so disappointed that I didn’t scare. Little did they know I could be smiling on the outside and shaking on the inside. lol

Janet Ramirez 8 months ago

Oh words of truth! I have 3 boys, 9, 6, and 4. They are arguing over breakfast right now and will soon be wrestling in the living room while promising they really are watching the cartoons. And there is toothpaste on my ceiling! I was blessed with my princess March of 2013, love her snuggles but as a little sister of boys she is tough.

Battleworn Mom 8 months ago

Oh you made me laugh! Such fond memories now. I have five boys, all grown (28, 26, 24, 22, 20). Several have already blessed me with grandchildren. And they are ALL girls (4 so far and one under construction)! So now all the frills and dolls and foofoo stuff I thought I’d missed, I get to enjoy and then leave the scene of the drama.
When my boys hit their teen years, the grocery bill equaled the national debt. Hand-me-down clothes were scare and threadbare after a couple of passings. Furniture was just a place to flop and wrestle.
It all goes by so fast, don’t blink. Hug them as often as you can, tightly. Don’t sweat the small stuff, it all works out.

W Palmer 8 months ago

Dear Women,

Get over the toilet seat thing. Better yet, if it’s such an issue for you, PUT IT UP WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED.

Shannon Bowman 8 months ago

Be prepared to die of a heart attack should be number one. My boy is only 1 and a half right now and he drives me up a wall with how unafraid he is

Pam Kostesky-Lodde 8 months ago

YES! 2. One older, one younger!

Sharmina Zaidi 8 months ago

I loved this one. I have three boys and can totally relate.

Ceinwen Reilly 8 months ago

I’m afraid to read

Rachel Dickerson 8 months ago

AMEN!!! You hit this one right on the head!!!!!

Trisha Fasini Sicurella 8 months ago

Lol um peeing & eating all the time already

Sonya Dekster 8 months ago

Nooooooooo!!!!!

Kirche Zeile 8 months ago

I’d have to say that most of these would apply to my husband as well. We’re expecting our first boy in May, and I am terrified. Excited, thrilled, and grateful, too. But mostly, terrified.

Daniel Jose Gilland 8 months ago

So epic

Melisa Jacquez-Briseno 8 months ago

Karina Melendez Georgie Briseño Jazzy Jay Janet Kruz Rocio Cabral I thought of you guys after I read this lol

Cyndie Adams 8 months ago

#2 & #9

Don 8 months ago

Once again, the fixation of women in our culture with penises.

Ever see any Dad’s writing blogs about their daughter’s breasts and vaginas? Or their menses?

Damn near EVERY blog aimed at mothers has pictures of naked little boys and articles on penises. The fixation is unbelievable.

News flash: Little girls get naked as much as little boys, but they’re conditioned out of it. A little girl comes out naked, and she’s covered up and admonished not to do that. A little boy comes out that way, and everyone laughs, and people pull out cell phones to snap the “cute” shot. The behavior is reinforced. The pictures are then posted on Facebook, and blogs, and shared with female friends, most with full genital nudity. Pictures of boys peeing are especially hilarious/cute. But snap a photo of a 5 year old girl naked, legs spread, and peeing, and the police would be at your door.

As for grabbing the crotch, I see PLENTY of little girls doing it.

Articles like this perpetuate an anti-male myth, and force a certain perception, which leads to a self fulfilling belief.

Are boys rambunctious, risk takers, and different than girls? Of course.

But this is the subtle propagation of the myth that males are over-sexualized and females are the reasonable ones in control. Men are molesters and women don’t look.

Mike’s mom 8 months ago

I recall seeing my 2yr. old running the hall. I yelled out “Dude, you do know you are running around naked?.” His answer in a frustrated tone was (as he held out one socked foot) “I can’t be naked. I am wearing socks mom.”

Connie Peterson 8 months ago

I have only had girls — two daughters and three granddaughters. I shudder every time I think that I might end up with a grand SON. What would I do with him? Your blog hits it, if I am to believe my friends who have had boys. Thank you for the laugh and nightmares.

Karen Hoffmann 8 months ago

Good job lmao. This is very true :)

Jessica Peltier 8 months ago

This is why I love having a boy. As trying as it may be I wouldn’t change it for the world. =). It doesn’t get any better in the teen years either or adulthood. My husband joins right on in, sometimes he is my biggest kid that needs the most supervision.

Jessica Peltier 8 months ago

Then they just become oversize man children lol.

Nikki Rogers Annison 8 months ago

Love this

they win 8 months ago

My bad to continue my last post…. to the living room floor. I try to understand but I don’t get it. My 15 yr old is even worse it smells like sweaty balls and cologne all around him. He wears his underwear every where. He never flush or wash his hands he leave a fresh roll of toilet paper on the floor.And girls like him like whu don’t touch hid hands please. I totally agree with this post for girls nd boys I have a girlie girl but it’s all the same barbies or action figures they will go through it all the same.

they win 8 months ago

I have 3 kids 2 boys 15, 5 nd one girl 7. It never gets better he still touch his self in his sleep or when he has a problem cause it’s growing. Yuck!!!! My younger ones walk around asshole naked all day in when I say put on clothes they have nothing clean cause they have tried to make cereal or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Mess from the countertops

kira 8 months ago

I just telly oldest there are ladies in the house an they dont wanna fall in works for him hahaha

Gina Vogel Miller 8 months ago

This is perfect! I was literally reading #4 (safety, lol) this afternoon when my 2yr old ran past with a string of plugged in Christmas lights. So I took them away & he threw himself on the floor. When I grabbed his hands to sit him up (as I’ve done 1000X) his elbow dislocated (for the 2nd time this mo) and off to urgent care we went… Never a dull moment!

Sharon Stratton 8 months ago

boys? girls? they are both disguting, dirty, gross, lovable, wonderful and amazing all at the same time!!

Sharon Favor 8 months ago

Girls do crazy stuff too…believe me

Sherry Bradshaw 8 months ago

let them enjoy their boyhood as along as possible, being a man comes soon enough

Harriet Crow 8 months ago

Oh the joys of parenthood! Funny!

Rachelle Rickman 8 months ago

Hey, it’s like you are right here in MY house!

Anne Pollis D’Angelo 8 months ago

Love!!

Jaroslava Struk 8 months ago

Hanging off the bannister like in the photo is not a boy thing … I use to do it when I was a small girl! Heck … I’m feeling like doing that now!

Jessica Hakes 8 months ago

Lol, #5!

Kristine Oscarson 8 months ago

Funny but true

Amanda Faint 8 months ago

I don’t know how many times I have had to say ” don’t lick that ” or really your eating dirt again !? In the past day or so

Pam Edwards-Hoffmann 8 months ago

To be a mother you just have to become intrepid (if you weren’t, before kids) no matter if they are of the male or female variety. I had two boys, BTW and they did stuff I would never have imagined doing myself. I had friends and family who had girls, and some of their experiences were pretty amazing as well. Humans are tricky to raise.

Theresa Arias 8 months ago

yes..lots of activity and abundance of food.those were the best years of my life and.I wouldn;t trade it for anything!

Evadene Crumrin 8 months ago

That is one of the things I learned about later, Jenn

Heather Boehmer 8 months ago

As a mother of FOUR boys ages 7, 12, 14, and 17, I can honestly say I have been there and done that! I agree with a good portion of this article especially #2. You must think farts are funny. No matter the age or the situation, boys always find farts funny! One would think that with age comes wisdom. I have to disagree, as my 40 year old brother proudly gave my 12 year old son a remote control fart machine for his birthday. Might I add that it arrived to my sons birthday get together open as my brother had to “test” it out at home. As a female I don’t completely understand this, but as a mother of boys have learned to look the other way or more importantly plug my nose. Number 4. (You must rethink your standards of “safety.”) is a MUST. You will quickly learn that you have to pick your battles and every situation is relative to another. For example is it bad that I watched as my 9 year old made his own zip line, 20 feet up a tree, out of a 2×4 and twine? I don’t think so, he followed my requests and put on his helmet before he took his maiden voyage. Is it sad that my only request when my boys are beating each other with wooden swords and sling shots is that they put a helmet on the youngest and go outside and do this? No, safety first around here! Whenever you are about to engage in dangerous behavior you MUST ALWAYS put on your helmet. I am “that mother”, I am a walking three ring circus, my house is full of holes in the walls and broken furniture. My yard is full of bikes, skateboards, tools, wood, and matches. My neighbors are parents of girls and I am sure they question my parenting skills, but that’s O.K. because I question my skills as well. I do have one request of my neighbors though……I cannot see the back of my garage from inside the house, so the next time you see my 7 year old on the roof, with a wheelchair, without a helmet, you should feel free to give me a call, send me a text, or just start yelling out your window……..Thank You!

Cynthia Durham 8 months ago

You missed a category–but maybe yours are too young for this. Wait until he goes into puberty and starts waking up with erections. You are going to be embarrassed at least once per child, maybe more. I used to accidentally catch a glimpse of my son heading to the bathroom first thing in the morning. I know that he’s going to make some girl very, very happy some day. It really was embarrassing and it was TMI, and that’s the way life was for about a year. Circumstances changed and I was no longer at home during the waking period, and I had pretty much forgotten about all of that until I read your list. He’s now a junior in college, majoring in mechanical engineering, and has made the Deans list the last two semesters. Not that I’m proud of him, or anything. :)

Jessica Burton 8 months ago

Yep. I know already with 2 boys of my own!

Amanda Trudeau 8 months ago

My one daughter is all this but the last lol she doesn’t have a tallywanker lol love that word lol

Sandra Hartman 8 months ago

I have 3 boys and when they were little they were acting particularly crazy at a mall. I was completely flustered and overwhelmed by the chaos. An older woman smiled at me and said, “Don’t you LOVE being the mother of boys?” I said something like, “Oh my gosh! They are just so LOUD and BUSY!” and she said, “yes, but that’s all. And that isn’t so bad to deal with.” At the time I though she was CUH-razy, but 12 years later I see the wisdom of her words. My boys are still loud, busy and messy; they get mad and stomp around and slam doors. But here is what I love the most about them: one time after a particularly rough day I said, “I’m sorry I yelled at you guys today. I feel really bad about that.” And all 3 of them looked at me confused and said, “did you yell at us?? ” God bless their short term memories!!

Tiffany Tower Snyder 8 months ago

Rotfl!! So true!

Nicole Marie Winborn 8 months ago

Haha… Sigh. Number10! Already and he just turned one. Since he was about 8 months old…diaper comes off , and the hands grab the weanie..lol I have 11&10 year old girls…sure wish someone would have warned me. Wendy Winborn

Mary Elizabeth Wilson 8 months ago

OMG I laughed so hard (sorry I don’t have kids) especially #10.

Jill Kukulka 8 months ago

It’s so true!!

Nannette Elizabeth Nielsen 8 months ago

Just last night as my husband, our two teenage daughters and I were at the table playing a card game, we looked over and our 4 year old son had stripped down to his underwear. About. 10 minutes later he wandered over to us completely naked. And he loves to smell our feet. Right now he is rubbing his face all over the bottom of his dad’s foot. But we all adore him and laugh at his funny antics. He is truly a blessing in our lives. Michael Nielsen

Peggy Galvin Baasch 8 months ago

Ha ha so true!

Emma Coulsting 8 months ago

This is brilliant-so true!!

Kathleen Hutting Caputo 8 months ago

I am CRYING!!! This is so my life!!!! I have 3 girls and 4 boys and yes while some girls are similar to boys , boys ARE boys! This is sooo right on! lol

Veronica 8 months ago

I have 3 boys, 2 years apart and close as puppies. I often times say there is no drama cause IVE SEEN DRAMA IN MY SIBLINGS GIRLS! Boys do all those things you mention but shrug it off quickly,and usually a reason. The best part is when they grow up (mine are in their 30s) they love and adore you fiercely!

christine 8 months ago

Very funny. #3 and #8. Sometimes he pees all over the seat and leaves a pool on the floor. I stop him from whatever he’s doing next and make him clean it up. Left a shit skid mark on his bed spread from sitting on it nude after I had just washed it after he used ‘supposedly’ washable markers on it. Left for one hour with my sister and brother in law to go to a school parent meeting, came back to him being showered because he pooped himself when he got too excited while playing with them to realize he needed to go to the bathroom. Thing was, they used the wrong soap and I had a rash ball for 3 days. Love the little guy. Oh, I spread it around too, his sister is going to be scrubbing the kitchen floor tonight by hand as a punishment for lying.

JohnandJenny Chain 8 months ago

This was the first post by Scary Mommy I ever read. It is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever read, too (I’m a mom of 2 boys, but I grew up only around girls, so I’m sooooo a newbie at the boy thing).
I’ve been hooked since.

Christina Hanes 8 months ago

All these apply to my girls. Besides 10. I have 5 daughters and they are more boyish than some of the boys I know lol

Katie Duncan 8 months ago

Oh my stars! You totally nailed it, and I only have two boys. The “locust” word is used frequently in my house. The week we were out for Thanksgiving, I spent $700 on groceries and somebody was always hanging on the pantry door yelling, “Mom, there’s nothing to eat…” And the fighting; oh the fighting… Yes, player 2 on the Wii remote is a constant struggle that usually ends up in a brawl on the living room floor. Thanks for making me laugh and realize that my kids are pretty much on par. Lol!

Devlen 8 months ago

Thank you for this. My boy is the youngest of 3. I thought I was going crazy after raising two girls. Good to know that it’s all normal. Especially him pulling on his ding ding all day and night.

Kim Early 8 months ago

This is so funny, because it’s my life!

Rachel E. K. Mitchell 8 months ago

Ok people, the woman has no girls to parent, and she’s a self-proclaimed girly girl. She’s writing from her perspective. It’s funny. Of course girls can be crazy and messy, duh. I played with my 2 brothers as a kid, so I mostly did the dirty “boy” stuff. However, many girls don’t. I now have two of each, and newsflash, boys and girls are different. IN GENERAL, they play differently.

Pamela K Maxey 8 months ago

Lol…#9 especially!

Melissa McEver Huckabay 8 months ago

My boy is 10 months. I’m afraid of the future now :)

Angela Rini Wilson 8 months ago

love the edited bits!

Angela Hudgins 8 months ago

Oh my geez I am in tears!!! These are ALL true of my boys…18, 13 & 5 years old. I love this!!!

Rochelle Maxfield 8 months ago

Thank you for this. I guess all boys are the same

Angela Thurman Bonneville 8 months ago

Haaaaaa!!!!! Love this

Karen Mehaffey 8 months ago

I only had 2 boys. But this is all true.

Rebecca Dorris Steiger 8 months ago

#s 1-10 = spot on!

Natalie Renee Rivas 8 months ago

Story of my life! And I have only one!!

Savanna Sue Hartman 8 months ago

Omg I LOVE this! I would be TOTALLY 100% Ok and love every minute of having a house full of little boys! 4 boys would scare some. But, to me that would just be a dream come true! Lol I have one boy who is only 3 and these all apply to him! I love every minute!

Jillian Maloney 8 months ago

This one is silly. As a mom of 3 boys and one girl and a 5 month old baby boy. Also as a daughter of parents who had 3 girls… All the things in this post are the same for girls. My sisters and I laughed at potty jokes, made messes, tore jeans, claimed trees.. My daughter now laughs harder at farts then my boys and is definitely messier. She has her hand down her pants just as much as my boys do too…. These aren’t boy things, they are kid things. Be prepared for all of these if you have kids, not just boys.

Jessica Gardea 8 months ago

Lol the last one is making me laugh. My son is still in the womb and he’s always playing with his “3rd leg” as the ultra sound technician calls it. I get a minimum of two ultra sounds a week and I’m starting to detests ultra sounds because my boy is a perv.

Kara DeLarco Hoppen 8 months ago

I loved this post!! Soooo dead on relatable! I laughed out loud at most numbers and the pics are great!!!

Jill L’Argent 8 months ago

For the jeans – buy them at Sears. The have a program called kid vantage that will let you swap a pair of jeans purchased at Sears, once the kids do something taxing like go to school and the jeans, which were perfect when the walked into school and now hardly qualify as a cleaning rag, for a replacement new pair in the same size. It won’t slow down the destruction of the jeans, but will leave more money for the food budget. As for bathroom habits? Make them clean the toilet and vicinity. The might get some of the sprinkling cleaned up and they will have something new to fight about. I mean they might start policing their aim (and their brothers) more. Really, it’ll give them a new reason to give their brother one but I am cleaning less pee off the seat now

Tracye 8 months ago

Since when was sitting to pee a “girly way” to go to the bathroom? It totally beats the uncontrollable sprinkler of piss first thing in the morning and in the middle of the night and I also don’t think that a boy wiping his penis is a bad idea either. Beats the embarrassing piss spot that most men wear as a badge of honor after leaving public restrooms.

Amanda Parker 8 months ago

You must love fart and balls jokes and weird questions, and finding weird google searches on your browser history.

Dana Doyle 8 months ago

The never ending “I’m hungry” made me laugh and nod my head in agreement. And I have only one child. A 13 year old boy.

Shana Rubin 8 months ago

I love this one!!!!!!!!! Its the best! My son just tore a brand new pair of sturdy pants.

Julie Fuglistahler 8 months ago

Funny article! Painfully true, I only have one girl (totally loud, naked and slightly feral) but the mere thought of multiplying any of these categories forces me to think more about insane asylums for me rather than colleges for the kids. This made my morning, I was howling over the author having actually said “stop wrapping your penis around your fork” at the dinner table! Hahaha!

Sarah Courson 8 months ago

Mom of 4 little boys right here, and this is all sooooo very true!!!

Mary Bailey Otieku 8 months ago

As I read this, my 3 year kid strips down naked and has roller skates on. Love this!

Sheri Kohlrusch 8 months ago

The nudity is soooo true! I think every neighbor of mine has been mooned by my sons naked butt in my bay window where he always would go after stripping!

Ashley ‘Schriefer’ Flaumenhaft 8 months ago

So true!

Tina Karina McKee 8 months ago

how did the list of ’58 things moms of boys’ do?

Melanie Jalbert 8 months ago

I have 3 boys and this is exactly how it is….I can’t believe how many jeans we go through. Lol

Nicole B Askew 8 months ago

So many jeans…

Tanya Willis 8 months ago

lol

Melina Renee McAlwee 8 months ago

Yeah my daughter fits this just as well as my two sons.

Robyn Taplinger Pearson 8 months ago

Any tips on keeping my 6 year old son from peeing all over the toilet and the floor?? I cannot handle wiping down the toilets and floor constantly!

Diane Kunkel 8 months ago

This so made my day!!!! and my “boys” are 16, 21,23!!!

Michelle Cartellone Holmes 8 months ago

Hysterical!

Catherine Gotthemoveslike Jagger 8 months ago

This is fab!

Lisa Young 8 months ago

so true!

Lesley Martin 8 months ago

#2 for sure… Even my 21 month old thinks farts are funny

Charlie Moon 8 months ago

Haha! Hilarious and true!

Mendy J. 8 months ago

I have 4 sons. Aged 11, 9, 6, and 3. I have a niece that lives with me as of 2 years ago. She was 16 when she moved in and she is worse at making messes than all 4 of my boys COMBINED. I prefer pick up comics, cars, swords and guns than makeup and nail polish (my 3 year old loves to paint with both of these and my white carpet gets the great honor of being his canvas). I was a tomboy growing up and I am so grateful for having only boys! LOL. P.S I love this article!

Jennifer Zapf 8 months ago

I have girls and can relate to all of this, except of course the grab! But I love fart jokes, so do my girls.
I was on a bus trip once with the GS and there was a group that wasn’t from our service unit, and they brought teenage girls. Funny thing, they were willing to let these girls sleep on the bus floor right out side the toilet door, but when one of our 4thgraders got some fart noise making glop in a cup from the Air and Space Museum, the one leader was so upset! All I could do was laugh in her face and point out to her the gross behavior of her own charges.
And I’m right there with you about safety, most moms of girls need a good lesson in life IMHO!! Somethings are way more unsafe than riding a bike around the block more than once.

K. Dawn Dilley 8 months ago

I have 2 boys and 2 girls. This applies to my boys more! I totally thought there really wasn’t a major difference between boys and girls, until I had two boys!!!
Number 5&6 are so true & they never realize the mess they make. They literally just don’t see it. (I’ve had their eyes checked!) My daughters will help clean & see the mess. Because of this, we have a boys bathroom & a girls bathroom. They are responsible for their own cleaning. Every other week I attack the boys with bleach spray & make them come wipe it down! I’ve given up on their bedrooms….

Kay Mahoney 8 months ago

I had 3 boys and one girl as my fourth! I was perfectly happy with the boys rough and tumble, climbing everything, etc. My one daughter rules the roost! Her bros protect and defend and fear her! It is not a stereotype, it is nature!

Phyllis Sanfilippo 8 months ago

I have a boy and girl and I can relate, you nailed it. However…my daughter, who is surrounded with boys constantly (brother, cousins, neighborhood kids). While she finally has “girlfriends” and is a girly girl, but when push comes to shove, she can go toe to toe with any of the boys I mentioned, this article fits her to a T as well…what refer to her as the “well rounded” child

Jocelyne Davis Gray 8 months ago

Three boys – 10, 14, & 15. The toilet is a nightmare, food vanishes down 3 bottomless pits, and there is no such thing as a clean or quiet house. All three boys were placed with us as older kids, age 10 and older.

Robert Besaw 8 months ago

The add that pops up won’t go away to view the article.

Nicole Cuomo 8 months ago

Love and agree

Krissii Nichole Guillory 8 months ago

I agree this can be addressed to having a daughter!!! My daughter is the exact way of all of this!!

Julie Spangler 8 months ago

I loooove this! As I write this, we are enjoying a snugly, snowy vacation day at home… My boys are “fully” clothed in just underwear and we are laughing over potty humor in a cartoon.

Danielle Maher Wetenkamp 8 months ago

TRUTH!! 5 boys- this is my life!

Christina Scarpa 8 months ago

Sounds just like my toddler girl!

Jeanine Daddario 8 months ago

Omg these are so true!!

Cloy Dellaripa O’Beirne 8 months ago

I’m so grateful you write the things I only think!

Benoit Girodie 8 months ago

This is hilarious!!! I have 4 girls myself and although they cannot match all ten points it does bring another set of “challenges” from a man view point :-) That being said I don’t think I am ready to trade with your 4 boys yet…

Amber Monteith 8 months ago

Lol this is funny…and true. I have two…couldn’t imagine four. Although after having two I couldn’t imagine having anything but boys.

Anna Scott 8 months ago

So true my 7 I S’s currently sitting naked in the recliner playing on his tablet

Katie Duplechain 8 months ago

This rings more true for my daughter. Lol

Teresa Allerton 8 months ago

Funny… I have 3 teenage sons and 2 daughters… I can deal with almost anythjng, but it’s the bathroom that makes me lose it! It’s a battle I will never win! What makes sense to me, they just never get…. I put Clorox wet wipes in the pop up canister right on the back of the toilet, hoping they will wipe up after they make a mess…. NOPE!!! I give up! Lol

Karis Hulbert 8 months ago

I think you are describing my house!! (Mother of 4 sons!)

Stella Nova 8 months ago

So true, love my sons!

Leandra Roesch Beshea 8 months ago

Most of these work for my daughter, number 10 is really the only one that can be boys only… just saying’.

Kelly Martin Matli 8 months ago

Funny yet extremely accurate…

Whitney 8 months ago

This! This so many times over. It’s a respect, think about others kind of thing. We all go to extra lengths to be sure we can make someone else’s day a little smoother.

Tori Kuehne 8 months ago

Oh my goodness, so very true…especially no. 10!!

Linda Languirand 8 months ago

Omg #5. By age 5 my oldest boy was full on drama queen! A year later and I’m still waiting for it to end.

Dalia Miseikyte 8 months ago

We have a boy after twin girls-yes yes and yes! Waiting for the eating part to start! :)))

Kathleen Miller 8 months ago

OMG too damn funny! Sounds like much doesn’t change as they get older…….

Daisy May 8 months ago

It doesn’t matter how many times I read this, I laugh hysterically. And nod my head in agreement. Especially rethinking safety. And the emotional outbursts. So funny.

Jackie Ihrman Reitsma 8 months ago

All except #10 entirely apply to my 4 and 5 year old girls. And they spend plenty of time trying to look at and discuss their lady parts. Why do we continue to perpetuate these stereotypes?

Laura Scarborough 8 months ago

Obviously you haven’t met my four daughters!

Ana Alicia Garcia 8 months ago

I love my son the bond between mom and son is so speical! I love this article thanks for the smile!

Mandi Terhune Headley 8 months ago

Ha! Yes!! As a mom of 3 boys, I agree.

Jen LeTron 8 months ago

…any of these points could be addressed to my 2.5 yr old daughter as well. Lets try to eliminate the “boys will be boys” cliché.

Jennifer Collette Geyer 8 months ago

That pic looks exactly like my old house…weird

Jessica Bradfield 8 months ago

#7!!!

Linda 9 months ago

I am the mama of 6 children, five of which are boys. Our daughter, who is the oldest, says she didn’t need to have sisters she already has them, because of the drama that is in our home.

You nailed it!!

CHERYL 9 months ago

I have 6 boys 3, 5, 5, 7, 9, & 19… Thank you, Thank you… This made my day……. Laughed till I cried… :-)

shawnda 9 months ago

Im pregnant with my 2nd boy. My first one is 4 and loves to be naked. My boyfriend comes over and this conversation takes place:
Me: Go put on some pants or shorts or underwear.
Son: Nah. Im fine.
Me: No, Jamie will be here soon. He doesnt want to see your penis.
Son: He’s fine. He’s seen it lots of times.
Me: Yes but he doesnt WANT to. Go put on your pants.
Son: Fiiiiiiine.

Christine Johnston 9 months ago

I have 8 boys and YES on all of those…. I can so relate. I was given boys I think to not make me so girly and to have more fun :) Thanks for the laugh and knowing Im not the only one out there

Irene 9 months ago

I agree entirely with Colleen and, since some of the guys in this thread are confused, you don’t have to stand to pee. Some guys think they must… apparently because they think it’s more “manly”? But if you choose to do so, then at least have the good manners to put the seat back down. Don’t make the world babysit you. In an ideal world, we’d all just sit and nobody would have to touch the nasty toilet seat. Your need to be “manly”, in your own mind, when peeing when nobody can even see you, is why the seat has to be moved at all.

Irene 9 months ago

THANK YOU!!! All of these behaviors just describe kids. They are all monkeys until their parents civilize them, and that is always long and hard work. Little girls aren’t born cleaning up after themselves either. Jon seems to think they are, which might explain why the mommy who wrote this blog is so skilled at it. Somewhere, somebody is probably raising the future wife of one of your sons. How much effort do you want those parents to put into that job? So much effort that your son won’t deserve her, so she’ll instead marry a gentleman, while your son marries a woman who tells fart jokes and is always nude except when the maid she used his money to hire is cleaning the house? Any parent can raise a monkey. You just sit back and pretend your child will always be little.

Susan 9 months ago

Mamma of three boys. It’s so good to hear I’m not alone.

Brandi Cota 9 months ago

This blog is 100% accurate. I have 5 kids 2 girls 3 boys and the boys are way harder then the girls. It’s like boys are on overdrive at all times. And the fits and whines from boys is far worse then girls. My daughter gets an attitude but then goes to her room until she decides she is talking to me again. When a boy is mad you never here the end of it there is I’m going to my room, slam the door, come out to let me here who and what they hate , slam the door and repeat. Boys take a special kinda mamma if your having more then one cuz they are out of control!!!!

Hilary 9 months ago

And I also live the picture of all 4 in the tub! So cute! Your kids are adorable!

Hilary 9 months ago

So funny! I have one boy who is 3… Number 9 is right on. The kid never wears clothes. We have to chase him down to get underwear on…

Julianne 9 months ago

I have 8 boys ranging from 25 down to 7 yrs old. There is nothing like a little boys love for his momma. And yes, the wiener thing!

Samantha 9 months ago

This is absolute perfection.

I have one. He’s 15 months old. & I already totally understand all of this. He is the ultimate definition of a boy already, from ‘the grab’ to the drama, the climbing and tumbles to the hilarious farts… I can’t wait for more! 😉

Jessica 9 months ago

As a mother of a 4yo son after having 4 girls, THANK YOU! Lol. I often wonder if what he is doing is normal for boys!! The grabbing thing, yes, All. The. Time!

He is lucky to be growing up in a house with a urinal, can’t wait until he’s tall enough to use it. Lol

Ariel 9 months ago

Wow, while reading this I both laughed and cries! So intensely SAD/TRUE/HILARIOUS! I love it thank you, and keep “rolling with it!”

dk 9 months ago

If you have never raised girls, what are you comparing your boys to? Way to gender bias and be a clickwh()®€ to generate blog hits. Having raised two girls i’ll take a urine splattered toilet over used pads and tampons on the bathroom counter all year long, not to mention the fishy smell they emit between 10 and 50 years of age.

Amelia 9 months ago

Dont bathe them together?!? Do you have kids? I toss my three(2 boys and a girl) in at the same time because if i didnt, the other two woukd run around destroying the house, eating everything they could get their hands on and using the phone to call everyone in our family. Oh and they would be naked doing it. Its so much easier to just toss them all in wiyh some bubbles and bath toys and close the clear curtain so you can see them yet keep yourself and bathroom semi dry. Its not always about them being squeaky clean bc lets be honest. It lasts all of 10 minutes anyway. BTW my daughter is just as bad as her brothers on all of these,lol.

shannon flanigan 9 months ago

I disagree, my brothers are certainly different then my sisters and we were all raised the same they were never treated differently…. And my son is so rough and tumble its insane he is very very different then my girls that way… not saying my girls cant be rough and tumble at times but certainly nowhere the level he is at constantly.

Larena Selzler 9 months ago

I have 2 girls and a boy and let me tell you besides 3 and 10 girls are exactly the same

Kevin DuBois 9 months ago

I do not have a daughter but I do have a son, a nephew, and five nieces. From my experiences this is much more true of my nieces than of my son or nephew with the exception of the male related parts points. I wonder if the mother of four boys has been around little girls as well.

sher 9 months ago

I raised 5 boys. OMG they were power eaters and always rough.lol they are grown now. Good times wouldnt trade it for anything

Nicola 9 months ago

This is a little off topic but……I am a mum of 3 girls and 1 boy. Society forces gender stereotyping on us all the time. When reading the comment about someone saying boys aren’t dramatic makes me think of te number of times people have said what girls and boys are like to me ……. I love boys and their energy and craziness. I thought girls would not be as fun based on what I was told by multiple different people ( well intentioned). They were wrong. I am the first to admit i have screwed up many timea along the way, but i have encouraged ALL the kids to be active, curious , adventurous , messy ( at times) and silly. So I got the kids my kids are. Who don’t fit into someone else’s idea of what a boy or girl should be like. I like the idea , as a parent , of buying in to who your kid is , whether a boy or a girl , and not placing a preconceived idea of what they should be on them. Not easy these days.

Amy 9 months ago

Love it! I am a very girly mom to a 5 year old boy and I am also single. I can relate to everyone of these! Thank you for the laugh this morning!!

charla 9 months ago

Mother of 3 boys. 28, 26, 21. All is 100% true. Im glad mine were a little better at not doing 9 and 10. But I had to learn to Love the outdoors. Im a mother of 3 hunters, fisherman, sports players, general outdoor lovers and 1 of them is a soldier. They are amazed at the dried white ring that is left on ther cap after sweating. They would run around the yard purposely to sweat profusely, (then would come the dirty dog smell)then check to see how wet the hat was. If not good enough, another couple rounds of running like the tazmanian devil were required. But trust me, now that they’re grown and out of the house raisi g theyre own families,, Ive re-adopted some of my girly ways. Well with the exception of makeup. Unless its a special occassion of course!! I am blessed with granddaughters who are very girly so for being the dirt wiping, toilet cleaning and fart loving mom, Ive been blessed to be able to play dressup, barbie, and be a little girl again!!! I also have grandsons. So I can play firetrucks or barbie. I ain’t a skeered!!!

Wilsa HS 9 months ago

I guess you don’t have girls so you can’t say. But I have a girl toddler, and she does most on your list. So far she’s only omitting 7, 8, and 10.
4 kids (of any gender) I’m sure is a loooot of work, but since I have my baby girl, I tend to think that babies are unisex.

karen 9 months ago

Funny stuff. I have grandsons, with two grandaughters, who try to do EVERYTHING the boys do. Keep it up I love a good laugh

Marie 9 months ago

I loved, loved, yes loved this post. Laughed histerically, related with every single point. I am preggo with boy#4. Will definitely be following this blog, need some humor, some tips, and someone I can relate with, to get me through these crazy days with my fantastic “truley 100% boy” kind of boys.

Carissa 9 months ago

I have three girls, and I swear the last two should’ve been boys!!!

Racquel 9 months ago

I laughed so hard when reading this. Number 10 had me in tears. 6 boys and 1 girl here (ages 10 months to 23yrs). We’re attempting to potty train a 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old now and trying things like letting them play a game on the iPad while they sit on the potty. I came in to find one of them using his penis on the touch screen! Nothing should shock me anymore.

Arline Tepper 9 months ago

I raised 4 sons and survived! It has made me a much stronger woman. They now range in age from 40 to almost 49. I had 3 in 3 1/2 years and then waited 5 years only to have #4 son! Everyday was like the campfire scene in the movie, Blazing Saddles, what with the belching and farting! Hate to say it, but they haven’t changed much either!!! Boys to men just don’t have much self control. And their bathroom upstairs?—I threatened to paint their bathroom yellow to match the shower curtain and walls while they were “free styling” it. If 2 were in there at the same time and one asked the other one a question, he would literally turn around to answer him. I must have done something right, though, because they are still extremely close. Only one son is married and has 3 sons. . PAYBACK!!!

Paul 9 months ago

My wife is a genius . We have 3 boys and 6 girls so I feel I speak with some knowledge about the subject. Girls have to sit boys don’t. If your boys have trouble hitting the water when urinating ,instead of the wall, floor and everything in between, my wife made potty training into a game. Put a Cheerio in the water and tell them to sink it. Works great for potty training as well.

Luana 9 months ago

HAHA! Trust me honey I know all too well what your talking about!! I have four boys if my own…ages 12, 11, 9, and 7! I completely understand, and have either witnessed, said, or done each of the things you mentioned…and so much more that I’m sure you just either forgot to mention, or haven’t experienced quite yet! I love my boys with all my heart….and my house?? Well the way I look at it is it’s their house too, and if someone comes over that doesn’t like the way my house looks (because as you mentioned…no matter how much or fast I clean they can destroy it WAY faster) they can turn around and walk back out. I actually have a sign that hangs just inside my front door that reads…”this house is lived in, it’s not for show, if you don’t like it, you know where to go” lol! On a positive note…I’m NEVER bored!!!!

Momof4Boys 9 months ago

All true. I would add,” cannot say the word balls, when referring to sports equipment, without giggling just a bit”

Karen 9 months ago

An anti-girl blog article… nice. Too bad all the mothers out there were once little girls themselves.

I’ll take girls ANY DAY over boys!!

Teach your boys to aim straight right off… and put the seat down. HYGEINC counts!! Nothing like never having that problem with our sons, but every other boy who’s been over. I make any boys clean it up when they’re over.. grandsons or not!!

Theresa 9 months ago

I laughed so hard, I farted. The response from the boys? “Good one, Mom!”

alley 9 months ago

This is no different than my house of 3 girls. Well…except the penis pulling…and now I have an 8 month old boy to add to my chaos…fun fun.

Mary Beth Hayes 9 months ago

I only have 2 boys…I say only because I would have readily taken more. I have always thoroughly enjoyed being able to use the term ‘my boys’!! They have been the greatest joy and greatest adventure of my life! My boys (lol) are now 27 & 22 – I am not sure where the time went. Enjoyed your post tremendously, especially the food part. I always used to say that family’s with boys should qualify for government subsidy where groceries are concerned…I have never seen anything like boys putting away food. My 22 year old still considers biscuits and gravy a ‘snack.’ When we go out to dinner he eats a full meal – then goes home and looks for snacks…oh to have his metabolism!!

paul 9 months ago

But shower gel is a wonderful lube for masturbation.

raven 9 months ago

Omg I love this I have 3 boys ages 7, 4, and 3 all of this is so true and puts a smile on my face reading this. It Truly just relieved some of my stress. Thank you fellow mommy of all boys for this wonderful blog. P.s. I fInd that I have accumulated quite a nice super hero t-shirt Collection for myself :)

Vikki 9 months ago

For food, try a day-old bread store if you can find one. When my boys ran in 1/2 an hour before dinner (just 20 minutes past the last snack), I’d hand ’em bread. 2 or 3 pieces. They’d tear the crust off, eat that, then ball the rest into a great big dough-ball, pop it into their mouths and they were good ’til dinner. :) Boys are an interesting lot! Well written, thank you for sharing!

patti govero 9 months ago

Haha! You’re living my life! No prissiness for my baby girl with 4 older brothers! Though she’s 13, and starting to enjoy a little girlyness, I never got to play with baby dolls and Barbies with my little tomboy! It’s ok, one day she will be a mom, and we’ll have a lot more in common! I do have to say, I had 2 drama kings out of those 4 boys, but NOTHING compared to a girl!

Jennifer Mull 9 months ago

Love it! I had four boys, too…. then a girl, then another boy, and then two girls… now my older boys are grown: 24, 22, 19, and 16…. so most of the time, I have three girls and a boy… oh my! How the tables have turned!!! the one boy is about to drive me batty, as he really seems to be more boy than all the other boys put together, but I think it is because he is always having to assert his boyness with his sisters! Great job writing about what it is like with a bunch of boys. As for me, the worst thing for me was when my boys had their friends over… I could not eat in the same room with all of them…. too gross for me!

Britney 9 months ago

all same with girls except the grab.
It’s a kid thing!

Emily 9 months ago

I love being a mom to two boys, and an Aunt to 14 boys.

MandyC 9 months ago

Erm, I am not sure the author of the article was trying to do a boys vs. girl comparison. I think she has four boys and zero daughters and it writing the article from that point of view. It would have been just as charming if written about two daughters, one son, a green alien monster baby, and a gold fish. What gets old is reading comments that that make something out of absolutely nothing. This is not gender stereotyping… it is just funny and cute.

Roxanne 9 months ago

Not in this house. My son is very complicated.especially with clothes and food. Lol

Roxanne 9 months ago

Exactly. This is what all mum’s go through no matter what the gender of their children.

Roxanne 9 months ago

As a mother of a boy and a girl…I can day this true for both genders. I go through all of this more so with my daughter than my son. Kids are kids. They are all crazy.

Kristin 9 months ago

Every word is true, but compared to girls the boys have a charm about them when they’re behaving this way that girls don’t have. That’s why they get away with so much. Plus boys are simple – food, clothes (sometimes), and something to put their energy into are pretty much the necessities – cuddles and sweet arm punches or fake wrestling moves to mom are part of the charm. Girls? They have a more complicated way about them. Little girls can have a devious way about them. They learn manipulation young. Luckily, they all grow out of it… LOL!! It will always be up to mom to set them straight and teach them how to act in public, at home all bets are off.

Marc 9 months ago

Apparently the babies sex is the fathers doing, not yours.

Karen 9 months ago

And my boys are 17,14, 12 and 2!

Karen 9 months ago

AMEN and halleluyer on that! Preach on sister!

Delta 9 months ago

Mine were eating 6 eggs and pound of bacon by first grade. Oldest is six ft four inch

Michele 9 months ago

I have a 16, 14 and 6 yr old boy… They are nasty at all stages!!! I have lived through everyone of these facts mentioned… In fact my 16 yr old is trolling for food in the kitchen at this very moment!! He will come through at least 3 more times before he crashes for the night!

Tracey 9 months ago

Thanks so much for writing about my life. I too have four boys. I have totally agree with all of these.

Nicole 9 months ago

This is great, but it should be renamed “10 Things Moms Must Do”. Aside from the anatomically related points (though little girls have an issue of touching themselves inappropriately in public as well), these are all points that relate to children of both genders. The vast majority of children are messy, like to do dangerous (but fun) crap (I can’t even begin to count the number of times I fell out of trees, off of boulders, off of jungle gyms, down mountains on my bike, etc.), are incredibly dramatic, go through clothes (particularly jeans) far too quickly for the pocketbook, and more food than should fit in a fifty pound body (actually, when I was a kid I could out-eat any other child, male or female). That’s what makes them kids!

Ferris 9 months ago

Love this list. 2 boys and a girl here. All of this is true for the girl too, except the aim. Lol!

Marliss 9 months ago

LOL…….I can relate to every single item on this list!!!! Of my 5 boys, only 2 are still at home…..my oldest is married and they have (you guessed it!!) 2 boys!!! I love my boys….wouldn’t have changed a thing…..and now my 2 grandbabies have a nana that doesn’t stress about too much “boy stuff” (although, admittedly, I stressed when my boys were all younger)

Lorna 9 months ago

Thank you for my morning giggle….just finished feeding, watering and packing up my brood of boys for school and so enjoyed this read.

Joanna 9 months ago

**Life Changing Tips for Moms with boys** 😉

Sears has/had? A program called KidVantage. You can take back shoes and pants that wear out-get holes-before they out grow them. This was a life/money saver for me! I took advantage of this through elemantry and middle school for my boys. It didn’t matter how long ago I purchased the jeans and I never had to try and explain how they could be in such terrible condition so quickly 😉

Smoothies! My boys are teenagers now and I’ve discovered smoothies actually fill them up! They use to snack so much more before. Believe it or not there will come a time that you can let them use a blender by themselves. My blender doesn’t turn on unless the lid is on! And they occasionally wash it by themselevs too, blade and all! Its a great way to get them to eat more fruit and veggies. They usually use banana, peanut butter, milk, frozen fruit and carrots/spinach.

Plunger, always have one by every toilet in the house and teach them to use it.

Things to look forward to with older teenager boys, pee around the toilet never ends but will only become greater in quantity, the trail of cereal never disappears, the wrestling is more nerve wreaking with their man size bodies, the grabbing on their junk is even more uncomfortable for us. But the hugs get bigger and the pride I feel with these towering young men is as big as they are. Wouldn’t change it for the world, glad I was blessed with only boys.

Michelle 9 months ago

Four boys one girl ages from 21 to 2 1/2. yeah boys are hard on things but you know what? so are girls. Mine will jump from couch to couch to chair… or jump off the bed and you hoping your ready enough to catch her. the boys did none of that. she can flip from girly girl “No Momma I want a dress today” to flinging herself off the furniture, wrong to say “If your a parents of boys/girls it’s like this” when you should say “If you have kids and possibly until they move out you will be questioning what planet they are from”

Anja 9 months ago

…no kids, yet. But this is the funniest thing I have read in a while. Had such a good laugh now.
Especially number 10, cause that’s true at any age for the male species!!!! Love this post…will definately come back for a giggle!

Crystal 9 months ago

I am a Mom Of two boys 4 & 3 and am due in Dec. With our 3rd boy!!! My husband and I could not stop laughing!!! This Is dead on! Thank for t Good laugh! At least we know it’s not just us!!

Denise K 9 months ago

Wow. Just read this for the first time (11/19/14). I have three grown sons but I remember the days. However, it doesn’t stop when they are grown. No, it just changes – a bit. They can clean up their own messes at their own house for instance. I remember the battle with the toilet seat, and the aiming, or lack thereof. I had one that loved to practice aiming. He just chose not to aim at the toilet. I remember picking up a “wet” wash rag from the bottom of the bathtub. It was soaked with ammonia smelling urine. I would find puddles at the base of the wall behind the toilet. The bathroom smelled like old urine most of the time. And farts are cool, funny, and apparently necessary to express your masculinity. One of my sons actually held me tight to prevent me from getting away. He wanted to make sure I smelled his fart. He believed in sharing. As far as food, take out stock in a grocery store chain, or join that bulk food club. They may eat a lot when they are young, but just wait. That is nothing compared to when they get to be teenagers. Do not expect left overs, no matter how much you make, and how many days you want the meal, or at least the meat dish, to last. It just won’t. As a teenager, after they have scarfed down enough to last me a week of meals, they make three peanut butter sandwiches immediately after dinner. I am serious, not exaggerating, six pieces of bread. How on earth can a boy still be hungry. And to watch them eat is a trip. They can eat a sandwich in two or three bits and have it completely swallowed in less than a minute. If you have a weak stomach, you might want to eat in a different room. Sometimes it sounded like I was near a hog trough. This isn’t all but I’ll stop here. Let me say, though, that despite all of the “boy” stuff, I would not give either of them up for anything at all. It is great when we can laugh about some of the antics of our boys. It is also great to walk down memory lane with them. I just don’t know if I want to know the things that they did and never told me. I have not quite got that brave.

Denise K 9 months ago

Wow. Just read this for the first time (11/19/14). I have three grown sons but I remember the days. However, it doesn’t stop when they are grown. No, it just changes – a bit. They can clean up their own messes at their own house for instance. I remember the battle with the toilet seat, and the aiming, or lack thereof. I had one that loved to practice aiming. He just chose not to aim at the toilet. I remember picking up a “wet” wash rag from the bottom of the bathtub. It was soaked with ammonia smelling urine. I would find puddles at the base of the wall behind the toilet. The bathroom smelled like old urine most of the time. And farts are cool, funny, and apparently necessary to express your masculinity. One of my sons actually held me tight to prevent me from getting away. He wanted to make sure I smelled his fart. He believed in sharing. As far as food, take out stock in a grocery store chain, or join that bulk food club. They may eat a lot when they are young, but just wait. That is nothing compared to when they get to be teenagers. Do not expect left overs, no matter how much you make, and how many days you want the meal, or at least the meat dish, to last. It just won’t. As a teenager, after they have scarfed down enough to last me a week of meals, they make three peanut butter sandwiches immediately after dinner. I am serious, not exaggerating, six pieces of bread. How on earth can a boy still be hungry. And to watch them eat is a trip. They can eat a sandwich in two or three bits and have it completely swallowed in less than a minute. If you have a weak stomach, you might want to eat in a different room. Sometimes it sounded like I was near a hog trough. This isn’t all but I’ll stop here. Let me say, though, that despite all of the “boy” stuff, I would not give either of them up for anything at all.

Durwin Baxter 9 months ago

#10~My wife is constantly telling our 11yr old to stop touching himself especially in front of us watching tv. He told us its itchy and can’t stop because it is hard and won’t go away! At point my wife looked over and said “He’s yours and I’m tapping out on this one, you can handle this one!”

Skye 9 months ago

Laughing at #4 “safety” and your note about a son eating candy that had been peed on. I was once in line at the pharmacy with my youngest of 3 sons. He hand been standing beside me holding my hand the WHOLE time but somehow , from somewhere in that pharmacy, he had found the remnant of a used cough drop and was sucking away like a champ..I almost died.

Becky 9 months ago

Amen sister. My two boys are now teenagers. They have been eating every 3 hours since birth. My daughter ( youngest child) hides her food. My husband hides his food. My parents hide their food when we go over. They smell , their room is disgusting but I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. They will still hug me and and tell me they love me.

PickleShmickle 9 months ago

Um, my three kids know them as

Penis
and
Vagina.

Shawn 9 months ago

Thank you for sharing I’ve totally summed up my life to what you’ve just said lol I love my boys but sometimes I just want to scream lol Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone and to not worry so much

Tracie Lane 10 months ago

I find this article pretty sexist. I have two sons and a daughter. It is sad that we have to sterotype children like this. Much of what is written is a child thing, not a gender thing. Let children be children.

Lilac Wolf 10 months ago

So true! My youngest refuses to wear underwear at all…the oldest only wears them on the rare occasion he wears jeans. And yes to potty humor…if they aren’t actually burping or farting, they are talking about it. LoL

Crystal 10 months ago

I have 2 boys 5 and 8. And I know for a fact that every word is true. Especially number 10 they hold on to it like they r going to loose it if they let it go.

Monica 10 months ago

4 and 7, for sure! Our local ER knows us by sight, and keeps one of the 3 cracked helmets they’ve removed from his head to show other kids why you shoultimate always wear their helmets. And my skinny little swimmer at 10 rast more than the three adults in this house combined!

Ann 10 months ago

Gotta say, I guess I’m pretty lucky. I have one pretty laid-back boy. The only one I can agree with is #3. The rest I’ve never really had any issues with. He’s not tough on his clothes, he doesn’t like rough play, nudity, fart jokes, or grabbing himself, lol.

Martha 10 months ago

Everything the author said is totally TRUE! I have 2 boys & 3 girls, & my girls were so much EASIER to raise than the boys! The boys DO make more messes, injure themselves more, stick their hands in their pants, & all of the other stuff she said! And she is RIGHT that boys can be just as dramatic as girls! Drama is NOT limited to girls at all! But it’s really stupid for some of the commenters to criticize eachother over the details of different methods of potty-training, & also stupid for other commenters to BRAG about how THEIR KIDS don’t have the same faults as everyone else’s kids. So here’s my REPLY TO THE NEGATIVE COMMENTERS: You’re not right about everything & your kids are not perfect, so get over yourself & grow up!

Janie Schuller 10 months ago

There is a special place in heaven for the Mother of sons. You left out the part about them trying to kill themselves at every opportunity.

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 10 months ago

Oh My Dear Lord- DO NOT make the mistake of clicking on the “candy that’s been peed on” link. It’s a trap! LOL Holy gagtastic story batman. Hilariously awful, and yep, that’s a boy for you. LOL Or any kid, really. My girl ate some pretty nasty things when she was short… Things I can’t speak of now because she’ll literally start gagging if I mention them.

Four boys… All I can say is, good luck to you, Mama!

Jaime 10 months ago

youngest is 20 & STILL exhibits most of these.

Krista 10 months ago

I so agree, I hate a wet seat worse than putting the seat down! :-)

Mica 10 months ago

I only have one 5 year old little boy, and found all of these to be oh so true. But he doesn’t just sprinkle when he tinkles, he straight up hoses down the wall behind the toilet. I asked his dad to talk to him about it, and the response was, “Dad, it’s not my fault. I’m paying attention, but my penis isn’t.” I almost fell out laughing so hard.

Kim 10 months ago

When cleaning a bathroom used by boys, NEVER EVER touch the cabinet next to the toilet with your hand!

Misty 10 months ago

LMAO. I have two boys, I know, I know

Charlotte 10 months ago

“As a Father of 7; 4 boys, 3 girls, I have to say I feel REALLY sorry for the emasculation of your boys. I have NEVER sought to judge another parent and their parenting quirks, but teaching a boy to ‘sit down and pee like a girl’ is sick and wrong”

Pardon me if I’m reading this wrong but you have JUST JUDGED another parent ^^^

My son has a broken leg at the moment and must sit down to pee. It makes him no less “masculine” and it’s far less messy!!

Great blog post overall.Boys will be boys will be boys. My second was a girl, but often she is as rough as my son. I’m surprised she is not the one with broken limbs lol

CK 10 months ago

I must be lucky… My little guy loves to climb, jump, push the danger limits, run around in his underwear, and play with his penis; however, he likes to tidy up (our friends with a girl his age were shocked as their girl is very messy and does not tidy up), is a very neat eater, likes to be clean and have things put in their proper place, and even puts the toilet seat down!! I guess I can count myself lucky, especially when I’m dealing with one of his dramatic meltdowns!

mil 10 months ago

Lol. Its getting worse when they get into puberty. Groceries for a week? Its gone in barely two days. Boys have no shame when it comes to nudity. Great blog

David Black 10 months ago

I know when I was a boy my mom bought me Toughskins even they were no match for me. I tore the knees out of every pair she bought.

Heather 10 months ago

Or they ride the dog, you can’t keep them off the floor, and no matter what age they are in the fridge or pantry haha. Mine are five and 1 a d I swear the fridge nor the pantry ever closes. Lol. And don’t forget the potty training anything is a potty to them. Just had to clean out the dishwasher because my one year old well you get the drift. Love my stinky boys.

Kelinda 10 months ago

I have 7 kids, 5 boys and 2 girls…although the girls are in pageants and can be so sweet, it’s no different than having 7 boys. I also have all the friends from school..we had 13 here about 2 weeks ago. All of it is true…I wanted boys and I got them and though they drive me crazy, I wouldn’t give not one up (or the friends they bring over).

Brittany Oglesby-Isbell 10 months ago

I’ve got 4 yr old twin boys & I can already identify with all u’ve said…most especially #1!!! If I’d let them, they’d “bathe” about 4 times a day!

Kristy Paynter 10 months ago

I have 5 boys and I couldn’t have written this better myself! Although I would definitely add not to have wallpaper in your bathroom EVER because pee never comes out of it! 😀 There is never a dull moment around here, that’s for sure!

Kristin 10 months ago

I have 3 boys, ages 11, 10, and 6. You are so right about all of this. Then, to add to it all, there are a few things they do as they get older. There is that uncanny ability for them to totally wreck anything with parts by somehow finding tools (thanks, hubby, for leaving them out) and proceeding to take it apart. Toys, furniture, electronics, everything in the house with bolts or screws is vulnerable. And if they find a hammer…oh. My. God.

Jen Schreiner 10 months ago

This is great. I have a boy and a girl. The funny part is they feed off of each other with the potty talk. Jeans..well… we go through a lot.

Kelli 10 months ago

We use correct terms for various reasons. So my girls use “vulva” or “private parts” pretty interchangeably.

Kelli 10 months ago

As a mom of 4 girls, EVERYTHING here applies to them except the last one (though they do plenty of gold digging)!!

Jen 10 months ago

Is it sad that one of the things I noticed is that in the photo of the boys in the tub (bathing them together is so much more time efficient!) is that you own the exact same 3 conditioners I do? I wonder what the odds of that are. Though, mine are far out of reach, because if they are not one of them will decide they like it and dump the entire bottle on their head … or their brothers head … or on the floor.

Jilli 10 months ago

That is the truth!!!

Jilli 10 months ago

I happened to come across this and found it very fitting. I have an 8yo son. #5 and #7 are the big ones in my house. This child of mine is a drama king. He is funny and I laugh at him. His smart@$$-ness is genetic so I can not get upset at him over it. And holy crap, the amount of bread I go through a month!!! I do not know where he puts it all. I swear we go through around 8 loaves a month. And that is those “giant” loaves. So not looking forward to the teenager years in that aspect.

He also finds farts hilarious. I tolerate it in good nature thankfully. He just has to be reminded sometimes that he cannot make fart noises when we are sitting in a restaurant or walking around Wal-Mart.

Brandy 10 months ago

You have never bathed with your siblings or friends when you were a kid?!?!? If you never have, you missed out on a childhood. I was never a dirty or nasty child and I regularly bathed with my siblings.

Holly 10 months ago

You can always count on the Santimommy to show up (See comment #6, Colleen).

Natalie 10 months ago

I think we could be best friends. My 4 boys and your 4 boys could make almost 2 basketball teams (as I’m sure you hear yourself). We could eat Bon bons and ignore the naked messes around us. Love your blog. Thanks for the laughs!

Nora 10 months ago

All very true! To add to number 3, just get used to the boy pee smell in your bathroom. NO matter how many times you scrub around the toilet or inside. Your bathroom with NEVER smell the same again!!!

Shelly 10 months ago

Oh my gosh. I am laughing so much I am crying! I have three boys and oh yes. All true!!! And my gosh, mine are SO darn dramatic! They are also sweet as can be. I have my oldest (8) recorded saying he wants me to live with him when he goes away to college~ I am taking you up on that one buddy! lol

Jenn Smith 10 months ago

How true! As a single mom of 4 boys I have spent many hours in our local ER. I know several members of the staff by name. The last time my 2nd son was in the ER he showed the ER tech how his knee was to be positioned for the xrays. Maybe all those hours in the ER rubbed off on him cause he is now studying to be a nurse.

Jenn 10 months ago

How true! I have spent many hours in the ER with my 4 boys. The last time my 2nd son went to the ER he was showing the xray tech what positions his knee needed to be in for the xrays. Maybe all those ER visits are the reason he is now studying to be a nurse.

Noel 10 months ago

It seems like most of these are appropriate for ALL children, with the exception of penis related advice. Girls are messy, fart, run around naked, touch themselves, and love to be active too. Shouldn’t this article be titled “10 Things Parents of All Children Must Do”? Also, since when do all these tasks fall to mom alone?

Let’s try to think outside the boxes we create.

jenn 10 months ago

I too have 4 boys, they surprisingly have survived to their teens & 20’s. You have hit the nail on the head, they are all this and more. I would add as a mom of boys you should also like sports cause you will be watching a lot of games/matches. I have been to 12 baseball games in one week. You also might want to brush up on the current sports stars, cause that will be a often discussed topic & if they like different teams it can sometimes become a
Little intense. I have actually banned talking Pro football in my house because my youngest two fight constantly about which team is better. I have found a way to control the teenage constant eating. Wrestling! Every winter during wrestling season I usually have at least 1 boy trying to keep his weigh down, which keeps the grocery bill down. Don’t worry mom you will survive & will come out a stronger woman. :)

TRoberts 10 months ago

I think the list for having is a girl is almost exactly the same 😉 Except they play with a slightly different body part.

Jen 10 months ago

PERFECTION. You hit the nail on the head – LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!

LueAnna 10 months ago

Thank you I needed this as I have 4 boys of my own and their friends tonight. I am now listening to the drama of the 6y telling the 8yo he needs to “care about his friends more” as they play minecraft.

Shannon F Esannason 10 months ago

OMG. MY son is the most dramatic child ever. I always tell him, if there was drama club in his school, I would totally sign him up.

Shannon F Esannason 10 months ago


You must not be surprised at drama. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me, “Oh, you’re so lucky – boys are way less dramatic than girls.” … Really? Because my boys are as dramatic as they come. There is plenty of stomping, eye rolling, sobbing, shouting, door slamming, and general sassiness going on around this place. I don’t know why everybody thinks boys are naturally easy-going, respectful, agreeable creatures. It must be because my sons’ dramatic outbursts are over “legit” things … like me not letting them use my good earphones, or getting relegated to “Player 2″ on the XBox. Right? -”
OMG. MY son is the most dramatic child ever. I always tell him if his school had drama club, I would totally sign him up.

deb 10 months ago

This is to Nick’s comment further down – READ carefully, she never says she wants them to pee sitting down!. She wants them to aim and put the seat down when they are done!

Emily 10 months ago

This made me laugh so hard, being a mom of three boys. if I ever had a girl now I don’t even know if Id know what to do! I just started my own blog to capture all of their ventures! http://Www.justmeandmyguys.com.
Love my little men 😉

Pita’s Mom 10 months ago

I have a husband and a 14 year old son. Everyone in our house puts down not only the seat, but the toilet lid too. I haven’t’ fallen into the toilet in over 7 years (when I got divorced from my first husband). This also helps to keep the dogs from drinking out of the toilet.

Julie 10 months ago

Thank you thank you thank you! So glad to have found this post today. You’ve restored my sanity. With 3 boys ages 8 and 9, I just knew I was failing (after having raised 1 girl and successfully assisted with a boy and another girl). You showed me my boys are normal and I’m not crazy!

krissy 10 months ago

my first born got my disposition, and he is a drama queen, super sensitive and a little miss priss. he doesn’t have the ‘girl’ drama of ‘such and such won’t sit by me and isn’t my friend anymore’, but in terms of overreacting to changes or bad news or getting dirty or whatever, wow. i see myself in him all the time and it’s not pretty lol. *MY* biggest concern has been his disposition, and trying to get my husband not to tease him for it; i already knew kids at school would tease him and he’d probably give into peer pressure to ‘man up’ at some time and didn’t need to be teased at home too. sometimes he really is such a little girl, but that’s okay, because sometimes my daughter and i are total dudes lol. they can’t wait until im not pregnant anymore so we can have our wrestling matches :)

krissy 10 months ago

ya know, my hubby accidentally peed on the toilet seat once pre-kids and i sat in it, whined (just woke up) and he laughed (still laughs to this day actually). now that he shares the bathroom with the boys, i laugh when he sits in pee b/c one of the boys forgot to put up both lids before they started lol.

krissy 10 months ago

sooooooo spot on. I am such a girlie girl and boys are gross, I refuse to share a bathroom with them. The toothpaste, the shampoo, the body wash, the pee everywhere, the toilet paper strung about, the pee and poop they ‘forget’ to flush constantly, the bath water on the floor, their disgusting bath toys i try to bleach once a week lol. and the food, the food. they eat more than i eat! entire boxes and bags of food, inhaling serving sizes meant to feed 3, i’m terrified at what my grocery bill will be when they’re actually teenagers! someone told me to always check their pockets carefully, b/c boys are known to put worms and frogs and whatever else they find in their pockets. i’m scared what i’ll find in there every wash day. i saw my son slide across an auditorium on his knees and realized why his pants were always banged up. anyone who has ever tried to buy second hand clothes knows boy pants are almost impossible to find!

Gretel 10 months ago

aww that is the sweetest thing I’ve heard in ages! just gorgeous :)

Markus 10 months ago

Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s the most rewarding job a person will ever have. Read on to find tips and ideas on how to become the best parent you can be. Once you have decided the path you will take, it’s just a matter of following through with the actions.

If you’re wrong or you’ve made a mistake, make sure your admit it. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s important that your child knows this. If you don’t admit to your mistakes, why should you expect you child to admit to theirs? Children learn by example, so make sure you’re setting a good example for them.

S 10 months ago

also, go ahead and get into the habit of emptying their pockets when you wash their clothes while they are still small. It’s amazing the stuff that turns up in the washer and dryer!

Megan 10 months ago

your five year old and my three year old would get along great, mine is a major drama king. Just today he xried because his timeout timer went off. Lol

Jon 10 months ago

why don’t you try injecting yourself with some testosterone, and then come back and tell me again how there’s no difference between boys and girls, except the obvious. (And I’m not talking about the physical changes you experience. You’ll notice marked difference in your behavior and emotions.)

Ashley J 11 months ago

I only have one three year old boy…and it is ALL true!

Jan Spencer 11 months ago

As the Mother of 1 son (and 2 daughters), I always said God knew not to give me more than one boy. Now, as Gramma to 5 boys (and 3 girls), I know that to be true! But these five grand sons could not be sweeter to me, had they all been girls. And my son has grown to be a most thoughtful man – with 3 sons (and a daughter) of his own.

Denewf 11 months ago

Having read (al)most all of these blogs, I can only state as a very old senior,
Piss on it!!!

Some very strange thinking people out there.

Susie 11 months ago

I’m a mom of 7 boys and 2 girls. I had 6 boys in a row before my first girl was born. Six of them are all grown now, and gone. Only one boy left… I miss those years! They are the best! Really, truly!

Gaby 11 months ago

Hola, soy madre de una niña y me divertí mucho con tu post. Entiendo que tu, al ser madre solo de varones no sabes que ser madre de una mujercita es exactamente igual. Lo malo es que para los niños esta bien ser así pero para las niñas está mal. Lo que de verdad admiro es que tengas 4. No podría lidiar con tanto.

Angelia 11 months ago

I honestly thought my boys were the only ones that strip down as soon as they come through the front door. They are now 13,14 and 16…they still spend their days at home in their underwear. And of course, they have no shame about being completely naked in front of me or each other.

Lisa L P 11 months ago

My brothers, son, nephew, and all the boys (about 20) that i babysat over the years and my 2 grand sons ages 1 and 3. Must be aliens because NONE i repeat NONE of these apply/applied to ANY OF THEM. instead of making messes mine were cleaning up at 3, my son refused to go naked. I could go on and on about each one but i wont.

MomofAlmost3 11 months ago

I am a mom of only one boy and numbers 4-8 TOTALLY apply!! And he is 11 now so the eat everything he can find applies every waking hour he is not in school!

Amos 11 months ago

I have to disagree with number 5. If your sons throw tantrums over being player 2 on the Xbox, it isn’t because he’s a boy. It’s because you allow it. I have 5 sons (1 D) and they don’t throw tantrums.

Also, anyone who makes a boy pee sitting down deserves a throat punch. Wipe the toilet and get over it. Before you know it, they will grow up and you will wish you had a toilet to wipe. :(

Boys are amazing and I wouldn’t trade them for anything!

Amanda :-) 11 months ago

When I was 22 (2008) I wanted a child so badly, I wanted to be a MOTHER. But I couldn’t get pregnant at ALL so as the time goes by it was January 2012 I told my fiancé that my breasts hurts a lot and I was not getting my period as it was normal for me because it was never regular. 9 March 2012 I bought myself as P/Test and it said positive, and I had to go back and buy another one just to make sure ( At the end of the day I bought 4) It showed that I was already pregnant for 5 weeks. It was the Happiest moment in my life I couldn’t have been more happier. 5 November 2012 my precious baby boy was born, he was the most beautiful baby that I had ever seen. He never cried was the sweetest little “thing”
So today he is almost 2 years old and he is like a unstoppable tornado he is climbing on everything, riding everything, torturing the cats it is an endless list. But I love him with my hole Heart and I will not change it for the world.
I have to tell you.
My husband was sleeping on the couch and Werner (BOY) was waking him and my husband said< now I'm hungry so Werner walks to the kitchen comes back with the bowl of cat food and said here daddy. Now this is things we should always remember.

M.A. 11 months ago

I have 3 boys, so I know exactly what you’re going through. You left out a couple of things, though…

#1 You will find dirty socks and underwear everywhere. My boys strip down and sling their clothes all around the house. They strip down in the middle of the living room as soon as they get in the front door, and I often find dirty underwear (complete with “bacon strips”) behind the couch, on tops of lamps, under the coffee table, etc.. Of course, I don’t allow them to do these things, but they still continue to haphazardly sling their clothing everywhere.

#2 Boys fight like they are in a boxing ring. They punch each other all of the time! When my 3 boys were babies, I decided that I was never going to let that happen. Well, guess what? They do it all of the time. I usually hear someone say “Shut up, stupid!” Then, I hear thumping and smacking sounds. They know they will be put on restriction for such behavior, but they still do it.

Jo 11 months ago

Right on Sonia.

marie 11 months ago

i have ttwo lovey boys, they are both growth up now. one boy had two girrl, they have ben maried 20 years. the other boy had two boys, his married,his maried did not last. my maried did not last so i had to raised my childern . by myself.

Dale 11 months ago

I have a total of munchkins. My oldest three are boy (7.5) girl (6) boy (6). Yes twins! Then I have my second set of twins, boy/girl age 1. I must say all of the above is true. However; there’s a stigmata that girls aren’t all of those things… NOT TRUE! I can say that my oldest girl gets dirtier than my boys. She laughs harder at farts, is just as rough and tumble, though I believe that has to do with her being clumsy more so than “boyish”. And playing with privates, well, while she’s not as apt to do it anywhere and all the time, she’s almost as bad. Mostly in the tub, but she does reference her bottom and her privates, especially for jokes, more than the boys. She’s harder on clothes, messier at the table, and (just like everyone thinks of girls) she can be extremely dramatic.

And, I nearly shot coffee out of my nose when I read “stop Wrapping your own is around your fork”! Seriously, sometimes I think I’m the only person who has to say ridiculous things like that!

Chrissy 11 months ago

As the mom to 4 boys ages 5, 4, 2 and 4 months, this all sounds so familiar. I will say I have managed to get the 5 and 4 year old to do chores. They gather and sort the laundry, clean their rooms, vacuum and help clean the dining room. Not too shabby for those ages. My 4 year old has even started trying to teach my 2 year old to sort the laundry. The bathroom is still a wreck though, the house is clean until they get home from school and the endless supplies of snacks that I keep on hand would be enough to stock a daycare. But I do love it all. Especially now that the oldest are starting sports. This year I got to be a football mom and, come Spring, I’ll get to be a baseball and soccer mom. This is where the real fun begins… even if it means washing sweaty uniforms and tripping over cleats.

Mia 11 months ago

Having read this I thought it was rather informative.
I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this content together.

I once again find myself personally spending a significant amount of time
both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

Stamanah 11 months ago

“Stop wrapping your penis around your fork.” I died.

Naomi 11 months ago

All of these are true, but it’s not necessary to partake in the farting and worm digging.

As a total girly girl Mum to five boys, I have made a point of teaching them that Mummy is a Princess, and teach them how to be gentle with and protective of the women that will come into their lives later on.

On the flip side of that, I’m the one who taught them all self defence and how to wrestle… and mum is still the reigning champion in this house. And I can still beat them at handball.

Naomi 11 months ago

No matter how tough they act, my boys are all snuggle bugs at heart. My grown teen still gives me cuddles, and my little boys (aged 8 1/2 – 11) still want me to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight every night. And they each come to me for cuddles at various times during the day. One of the little ones acts like he doesn’t like cuddles except at bedtime, when waking up and in his sleep he sleep walks out, snuggles into my lap and cuddles up to me.

Naomi 11 months ago

I have always told my children the anatomically correct name for their body parts and mine. I have one child in particular who can’t keep his hand out of his pants, which I have told him is fine, but that nobody else wants to see it, so to take it to his room to play with.

Christi 11 months ago

Hate to break it to you… girls (even a “girly girl” like mine) aren’t really any better… except POSSIBLY with the toilet. Other than that, all the other things apply just as much to my dainty little pixie. It is the odd child (boy or girl) that just comes with one of those rare delicate personalities.

Naomi 11 months ago

Yep. I had twins. Twice. And they’re all boys. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was an only child and I never wanted to have a child who was an only child… there’s a large gap between my eldest and the younger boys but I love that they came in pairs and they’ll always have each other as lifelong mates.

Naomi 11 months ago

And I have one child who has to be taken to the toilet during the night half asleep, and he always sits down when I take him at night, because he can’t focus, with his eyes shut, to aim his pee. There is nothing emasculating about teaching a child to pee while sitting… sometimes young children don’t know if they want to pee or poo and it’s easier to let them sit until they learn the difference.

Naomi 11 months ago

Oh, this is so my house. I have five boys (four of whom are within 2 1/2 years of each other) and the younger four have a tendency to be lazy and not lift the seat when they pee… my pet hate is rushing to the toilet (because let’s face it, I am usually in a rush due to being distracted by the million things that I realise need doing on the way to the bathroom) and sitting in their pee.

Joe Blow 11 months ago

Uh ladies, Nick is right. Men stand up to do number one and sit down to do number two. The only time you sit down to do number one is if you’re already down doing number two. IF you happen to be teaching your boys to do number one sitting down, then yes, you are emasculating them. And yes, I know you don’t care because you’re a woman and who am I (or anyone) to tell you anything. Don’t hate me when he grows up and doesn’t call you much.

Jan 11 months ago

Mom of 4 boys here, too. I have an almost exact bathtub photo of our boys, as well. This is my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. We are in the high school and college age now and the grocery bill is absolutely horrific! Since yours are still young, you might want to check Sears for jeans. They will replace them if the wear them out before they outgrow them. It doesn’t work for ours now, because Sears doesn’t sell the brands they think they have to have (which they have to buy on their own), but it was a huge savings for us 10 years ago. Enjoy the days ahead, they do really go fast. My “baby” is a freshman in high school now and it doesn’t seem possible. Maybe I’ll get some granddaughters?! :)

Cam 11 months ago

I have four boys and just loved reading all ten of your “Things Mothers of Boys Must Do. It brought back all the great memories since all of mine are grown and out of the house now. It’s funny – I have a picture of my four in the bathtub just like yours. I cherish all the memories of those hectic but wonderful times.

Jen 11 months ago

Omg this was great!! I have 2 month old twins, a boy and a girl. So it’s good to know these things. What’s really funny tho is most of these I have been forced to get used to because of my husband. So basically it starts at birth and never ends. Thank goodness for my little girl. :)

Sherri Hayter 11 months ago

I flat out laughed through this whole article!!! I have 2 boys and all the antics you so aptly describe! Thanks for lightening up my day <3

kathryn 12 months ago

We have two boys and four girls. The mess and amount of food can go for girls as well. I love number four, though, it shows their adventerous side. My boys took an old dryer drum, strapped on a helmet cam, climbed inside and decided to roll down a small hill. Snow comes? Forget the sled! Take the boat. We went through two years where we required them almost daily to wear a helmet, playing outside.

Maive 12 months ago

You forgot naked in public place to pee!

Talis 12 months ago

Way to buy into and reinforce outdated stereotypes.

1. When girls are “allowed” to play, they also require lots of baths.

2. All kids think farts are funny, but when boys fart adults laugh, and girls do, adults immediatly scold them for “not being lady-like”.

3. Women use the lid down, Men use it up. If they can put it down for you, you can put it up for them. And no, *you* don’t have to clean up the pee. Want their aim to improve, put a cleaning cloth in their hand and make *them* clean it up. And, “If there is pee, there is no Wii” will fix that problem right quick.

4. Again, girls do the exact same things when the parents aren’t being hyper controlling, dressing them up like dolls, and demanding they be meek and mild.

5-9. See above.

10. Ah. One item that is *actually* unique to males.

Want your boys to behave? Start hammering it home that they must always “Be a gentlemen or no one will like you”. Much like people like you tell their girls “be a lady or no one will like you.”

Emily 12 months ago

Mother of 3 here. Two older boys and youngest a girl. She’s rougher and tougher than the boys! I’m always amazed at how the new clothes I just bought get holes and stains before they even make it to being worn the first time! And community baths! A must if you want to keep your sanity. Spray them off when their done! Wow. I love this post!!!!! I always used that bath time to clean the bathroom and done the hazmat suit to clean the toilet.

Crystal 12 months ago

Definitely need a built in jungle gym, I have 2 boys 3 and under right now and boy number 3 is coming in feb, Im feeling out numbered here

gypsymoonflower 12 months ago

Just because…I am the mother of12, yes12, boys.
Let that one sink in.
Take a peek on instagram.

I fully agree with all you have said here. Could add a few…like start a savings account for broken bones and…be prepared to tAlk about that bearded blue uterus with every stranger you meet.

Have a great day.

Randi 12 months ago

I always wonder why people who seem to have no sense of humor read these kinds of blogs. :)

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Denise B. 12 months ago

This is hilarious! And SO true.

DRR 12 months ago

I’m just laughing here Tori. Of course bathe them together! Stick in a little bubble bath and some toys, (especially army men, star wars, cars), and mum can sit there and read for an hour! Boys ready to get out of tub? Have them stand up, shower off quick…. and they are good to go! (I had 7 brothers, I’m the only girl….) I was jealous of the community bath time fun.

Matt 12 months ago

wow a woman at last acknowledges the correct way to use a toilet is to put both seats down after use. So many seem to act like Hitler and then leave the lid up like their poo doesn’t stink and continue to blame men when they can do the same thing too!

Tanya OGrady 12 months ago

Boys are a whole different kettle of fish. I totally agree about the drama… it’s drama central, not just between brothers but who isn’t talking, walking or eating lunch with this or that person. My 8 year old, super sensitive man, FEELS everything as a personal slight. His 5 yr brother is solid, ground and I’m thinking deaf – at least to my voice. 5 yr old just chugs along and the 8 yr old thinks that he’s ignored…
So I’ve developed a thicker skin, wear ear buds more often and just let them work it out. If there’s no bone or blood – then figure it out yourselves!
And I was in Child Protection… the irony of it all!
T.

Audrey 12 months ago

All true for girls except number 10 lol. I have four, similar ages. The house is a mess, they are constantly getting into the dirt and climbing on things. Including the nude thing :)

Diana Young Hall 12 months ago

Three sons here. All I can advise after living with that much testosterone with ONE bathroom is that you can survive! Lol. So, when the are teens and change their clothes every 5 minutes and take multiple showers a day, just say goodbye to bathroom time except for truly short times. My best advice is to teach them to do their own laundry and cook! You will not regret it and it will give you s tint bit of a break! Loved this article.

Ginny Nickoloff 12 months ago

This week I became Great Grandma Ginny to my second great grandson. As an only child and mother of five boys, I wrote a book called Grossly Outnumbered. My first grandchild was a boy and the next five were girls!! A happy happy grandma! Now it looks like the next generation is returning to the boy column. Everything reported about boys is true and every mother will learn how to handle it in her own way. Luckily we had two bathrooms. Mine was the big bathroom with shower over the tub. My husband and the five boys used the small one with the shower. I luxuriated in the tub. I did have one good idea. Their towels were monogrammed and in shades from black to light gray. The other good idea, I didn’t figure out for far too many years: milk should be served in fat, short glasses. Why did I not think of that when knocked over glasses of milk was almost a daily happening! I remember I was not happy when one son brought a pregnant snake home from camp in his pocket and mom and nine baby snakes got out of their cage one morning. And the time when a cottage cheese carton of little tree frogs acquired at Camp Bluff Lake escaped in the car while driving down the San Bernardino Freeway. Besides the usual cats and dogs, we had a monkey, half-moon parrot, kangaroo rat, guinea pigs, disk fish and countless guppies. Reaching my ninetieth birthday last week, surrounded by my family, I can only say that boys and girls are wonderful. The more the merrier!

Jeane Cockey 12 months ago

I raised 2 boys and would not have traded a single moment. Well, okay a few moments. The one about constantly eating is very true. Once they’re old enough to pay for their own good, their appetite seems to come in check! Lots of hugs will come back to you!

Carol 12 months ago

Oh, my…I hate these articles written by parents who think they know everything about kids but the title grabbed me. I have one daughter and one son, both in college now. The boy stuff is right on. The stories I could tell from only one son! I’ll just say that between the ages of 1 1/2 and 13 he had 8 ER visits. Constantly moving, creating, taking apart…and showers? I think he rubs soap on his whole body and calls himself washed.

Melody Masi 12 months ago

Not being a “dick”, just have a different opinion. I think boys are “this way” because we want them to be this way. We don’t want to do anything that will break the spirit of their “boyness”. I think of mothers of 150 years ago who raised 10 or 12 children, about half of them … boys. And any mother of that generation would be mortified, and considered a bad mother, not raising her sons to be proper men, good men, if she allowed certain behavior. She’d be doing them an injustice by not teaching them civil behavior. I don’t think things have improved by allowing children of either sex to be rude, or crude, or boorish, and calling it “normal”. Normal is what we, as adults, define it to be. This is putting boys on the track of holding the “get out of jail free card” for every situation simply because they have a penis. I really think we’d all benefit by reevaluating this thinking.

Jane 12 months ago

I just want to add this to #3…

NEVER talk to your little boy when he’s standing at the toilet peeing…his natural inclination is to turn towards you…not just his face, his whole body will turn and he’s now peeing on the floor, the cabinets, you….and it’s your fault so you can’t yell at him…this used to crack me up when my guys were little. They are so freaking funny.

Tia Weber 12 months ago

Oh my dear! All of this so true but you have only just begun! The fun really begins once they hit puberty and beyond. Very lengthy showers, very smelly gym clothes, very lengthy phone calls made late at night. I could go on and on. But best of all they still love and need their mom!!

Ann L.B. 12 months ago

OMIGOSH. I have that *exact* same picture of my daughter with the Cool Whip container on the floor. SAME cheesy grin. EXACTLY the same shot, different kid. Whoa!! [mind blown]

Jamie 12 months ago

4 boys + 1 girl. Ages 12,11,8,5 &2! My daughter is 11.

House full of loud, obnoxious, dangerous noise! Plus all the neighborhood strays we seem to attract… who also happen to be all boys…

We do have the “YOU MUST WEAR UNDERWEAR at the LEAST, to the DINNER TABLE!”

ROCK STAR MOMS!

Pam Wade 12 months ago

4 sons here!!!!! I had only brothers until I was 15 and finally got my sister. My younger brothers fought all the time and I prayed to God never to give me sons!!! They joke was on me. I love my boys and wouldn’t trade them for any girl.

Helen 12 months ago

I once had to utter the phrase ‘Your wily is not a bookmark!’ to my son!

GoodWitchPA 12 months ago

I always tell new /prospective mothers that boys learn everything they need to know by the time they’re 8 weeks old: 1) their penis is a toy, and 2) farts are funny. And for #10, we call it “taking inventory.” How many have you got today? One? Oh, good, you didn’t misplace it.

Jessica 12 months ago

Omg!! I can relate to all of these.. i have 4 boys and a little girl.. im so glad im not the only one that deals with this!!!

angie 12 months ago

#7!!! 3 boys, 7 broken arms, 2 broken collarbones, a broken hand, a broken nose, dislocations, sprains, torn ligaments…. but thank goodness not one stitch!!

And a little tip – have them sit to pee at home! Solves the lid and the sprinkle in one! They can stand away from home!

Denise 12 months ago

Three boys here, including twins. I laughed SO HARD, I’m crying! I could relate to everything! So happy I discovered you. I will enjoy reading more.

Maria 1 year ago

around him* (sorry grammatical error)

Maria 1 year ago

pf…I still rock climb and play in the mud, but now it’s with my soon to be step son. I don’t like the gender role stereotypes that people have now days. One for example…evidently it makes you less of a man to pee sitting down? No… it doesn’t. Or does it make you less of a man to be kind and sweet and have an emotional side? No…that doesn’t either, if anything that makes you sensitive and understanding to a woman’s feelings, especially when you find your own woman. Next, why is it that we expect our boys to be rough and rowdy but when our girls do it we tell them it’s not lady-like? That’s wrong. Completely wrong. Stop having these gender roles just because the physical appearance and parts are different. Even girls can have more tough or “masculine” personalities…and boys can have more calm and sweet ones. Doesn’t matter their gender. I find a “male” is more of a man when he’s not afraid to have a sweet sensitive side. when he’s not afraid to pee sitting down and watch romantic movies, especially with his wife or girlfriend because he loves her and enjoys it with her. a man who, yes, will open a door for a woman and if she wants to do it, then let her. Let her feel a little empowered to be an independent woman…and respects those around me. THAT to me…is a man. the same goes for women. enough of the gender roles. To be honest though, I thought this was adorable and funny, and it made me laugh. My soon to be step son bounces off the walls like no other. And boy, are these things true. haha.

sonia 1 year ago

This article nailed it!!!!!!!!!!!!yessssssssss!!!!!

B 1 year ago

Try Dickies jeans, or even their basic work pants on amazon for 16 bucks or so. I am extremely rough on jeans and pants, and Dickies are one of the few brands that haven’t thinned their denim or made it stretchy over the past 10 years or so… buy them for the oldest, they should last through to the youngest with maybe only a few fashionable holes…

Jan Bentdahl 1 year ago

is your boy circumcised? that could be the problem because it might have been done wrong. if he was not circumcised you may have to be careful when you are cleaning around his penis.

Denise 1 year ago

Oh, so true. Just dropped the oldest of my three sons at college.

thorn ziegler 1 year ago

stop placing blame on gender. Assholes.

Nash 1 year ago

Hahahaha this was cute.
The only thing I have to disagree with is the drama. Maybe because those who only have boys can’t see the difference. I have both and girls BY FAR bring the drama. Boys have their moments but compared to a little girl, boys are nothing in my experience. But when it comes to crazy stuff, boys totaly take the cake. They do stuff you wouldn’t imagine was possible for a human their size. If there is a way, they will figure it out. It’s fun to watch the differences as they grow. Boys are truly different from day one. They are ingrained with a love for all things boy!! Mud, dirt, anything mechanical….etc. Girls are ingrained with a love for pink, makeup, dresses, etc. Luckily on top of all the girlie stuff I have managed to keep a balance between tom boy and girlie girl….having both really helps with that! My girl will laugh at farts the same as any boy (rolling my eyes lol). I think she got that from her daddy cuz I don’t find farts funny even though I’ve been inundated with people who do (son, daughter, their daddy) lol!!!!! Gotta love the mommy life! It’s truly a blessing!! :-)

Marv Ellis 1 year ago

This was a great article! I laugh when I read stuff like this and hear a prof I had in gender studies (one course, never took another in that subject) say how differences regarding interests between boys and girls are learned from society and not innate (this coming from a prof with no science or biological background).. ummm ya, ok, no differences, right. This is just what boys are like, and they are perfect just the way they are.

Kristin 1 year ago

I just had my first boy but I have 2 older daughters, and let me tell you, most of these, if not all of them, my girls already do. Even my “girly-girl” will do at least 1/2 of them on a regular basis! In my case, this is just kid behavior! Lol

Ashley 1 year ago

I LOVE this! I have four boys, ages 6 and under. Wouldn’t have it any other way!

Ashley 1 year ago

I also have 4 boys! Ages 4-3months!! Love them to pieces, I was a girly girl but now I’m the one killing bugs, lol. And having dirt fights and digging for worms! Never thought I had it in me. My two year old eats bugs…,ewwww. And the 3 older boys are constantly doing number 10. The 3 month old hasn’t found his yet!

Marguerite 1 year ago

This is absolutely, hands-down the funniest thing I have ever read in my 35 years of life.
Yes, I am a boy mom. I have three sons…every single word you wrote is hilarious and true. I love that I found this article after a day like today.
Metal BB gun pellets in my beautiful jetted tub…the floor and carpet soaked after they got out of the tub and ran across my hardwood floor soaking wet to get more toys…twice.
Marshmallow roasting sticks resting on my brand new camping bench…melting the material…and covering it with marshmallow goo. Boy #2 touching the roasting stick and burning himself….after last week when he absentmindedly jumped up and sat on the nearly red hot ceramic stove top and got a 3rd degree burn on his bottom. And boy did I see a lot of butt for the last two weeks with the burn and all. And running around with his pants and underwear down around his ankles.
Son #1 ‘bathing’ the dog in the shower….with Dove body wash….(that just doesn’t do much except make the wet dog smell even worse).
Drama over video games that turned into a brawl.
Pee.
everywhere.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t DARE go into their bathroom…(what I can’t see won’t hurt me). Sometimes I wait so long to go potty (because I’m cleaning up their messes) that I almost wet my pants (incontinence from child birthing 3 monsters) while running to the bathroom…and there’s absolutely no time to wipe the (boys) pee off the toilet seat so I have to get up with a wet butt (cursing).
When a guest comes over and needs to use the restroom I hold my breath and pray that one of my sons has not been in there recently.
Going into the guest room where son #1 is sleeping (because he wet the bed in his room and I haven’t found time to put new sheets on) and finding popcorn everywhere….and the wet dog…and a plastic storage tub turned into a ‘pet bed’ using my comforter pillows.
Going into my room for a brief respite….only to find a Danimal container, popcorn all over in my room too…dirty, smelly, rotten socks rolled into donuts thrown on the floor and several pair of stinky boy shoes.
This is only a glimpse of my day today….I must close due to the fact that it’s 12:30 a.m. and son #3 will be squeaking anytime now wanting to nurse,

Gina 1 year ago

OMG! I can totally relate. I have 5 boys and 1 girl. When they become teenagers your food bill will double. We would go through 8 gallon of milk, 5 dozen eggs and 4 lbs of bacon and 3 lbs of cheese and 12 boxes of mac n cheese a WEEK!
The arguments turn into fist fights. I would want to step in but my husband would say to let them duke it out a bit. Then one would use his casted arm as weapon. ..then I got the ok to step in. It’s boy thing. You will curse and love it at the same time. Boys are awesome.

RoseMary King 1 year ago

OMG, I almost wet my pants laughing so hard. I am a grandmother to 2 boys and they never take their hands of their penis’, EVER! You just made my day. Thanks.

Danielle 1 year ago

This is spot on! I have 6 boys (no twins) from 14 to 5 years old and the only thing I haven’t experienced from this post is the fork incident. Although there are plenty of other things I’ve had to tell them to get their junk away from! I am dying with laughter right now!

Marilyn 1 year ago

The best comment yet!
And so true!

Sally Brown 1 year ago

I have 4 boys and then, quite accidentally, had a girl when I was 40! I was smiling reading your blog because it’s entirely true. Raising boys is everything you say it
is, but it is great fun and full of joy. Having my long awaited daughter, she is different
in that I find it harder to pull the wool over her eyes. She is more difficult to manipulate, she asks ‘why?’ a lot more than more sons did who were happy to go along with things. She is very girly but having 4 big brothers has really rubbed on her and she still thinks farting is funny and burping and does so quite a lot and she’s 11! Hoping that might change when she starts college in September! Whatever their gender, they are a blessing. It’s hard work but so rewarding and now my boys are 16, 19, 21 and 24 I mourn their childhood. I’d give anything for them to be small again, just for one day though!

RookieMom Heather 1 year ago

Mom of 3 boys here. I agree with many of your observations but for the love of all that’s holy, my three will not wear jeans. I don’t get it. So, it’s sweats and track pants over here. And I think they eat holes in their shoes.

Just Trixie 1 year ago

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. Facebook sent me here with one of their little “related article” deals that they do – but anyway – who cares, right?

I just wanted to thank you for the amusing post, thank you for raising boys, and thank God for giving them to the Mommies who can handle it. I only have one child, and SHE is now 17. I don’t think I would have survived if she were a boy. I salute you, moms of boys, and thank you for your service. :)

Sandy 1 year ago

Love this! My boys are teenagers now, and I’ve loved every step of the way with them!! Thanks for helping me remember some of the sweetness from the earlier years. For those of you who wrote negative things – please don’t do that again here or on any similar blog. Especially those of you who bragged about your own superior child rearing. Get over yourself. Let the rest of us enjoy the humor and happy thoughts.

DJ 1 year ago

I was always a tomboy, but my 2 oldest are girls, and my baby (almost 3) is a boy..but I think most of this also applies to my girls too…I have watched my 7 year old climb ontop of the swing set and leap the 5 foot towards the shed to try and get on the roof of it…heart attack

Dana 1 year ago

HILARIOUS!!!! I needed this article today for the laugh factor! I have three boys (the first two, and the last) and three girls (in between the first two and the last). This article had me crying laughing at some points, especially at this: “Recently, my eight-year-old ‘hated this house and all his brothers’ after a burping contest escalated. And after tripping over his shoelace, my Kindergartner flattened himself out on the floor and wailed, complete with tears, ‘This world is too dangerous for someone like meeeeeee!'” I mean it; I CRIED laughing….. Thanks, Rita! :-)

Heather 1 year ago

I may only have one son but every neighborhood boy is in our yard. (I feel like a babysitter just not getting paid.) LOL
It’s amazing how true this is. Thanks for the chuckle! I really needed that today!!!
Oh an my husband has 3 bothers. We have our son, my husbands brother, Phil has 2 sons and his brother Chris has a boy due in October.
I see no girls in the future…well that’s if my sister or brother have one or my husbands other brother Billy and his wife decide to have children.
At least our cats are girls…. 😉

welliegirl16 1 year ago

I’ve got news for you. It’s not just boys. I have nothing but girls and they all, without exception, do everything on that list. .. (minus “the Grab”of course although it’s not unheard of to see them with thier hands down thier pants at random times either) I think it’s just part of being a normal kid.

Richard T 1 year ago

I agree. Except for having a penis most of these are not solely the purview of boys. I enjoyed the article but not the manufactured differences between pre-pubescent children. Do some things change after puberty? Certainly, but my 5-yr old daughter rock climbs, plays in the mud, holds all manner of creatures, and rides rings around boys her age on her bicycle. I especially enjoy it when the moms at the park tell their boys to “be careful with the girl” when she is tackling them. It is confusing to all involved.

Jill 1 year ago

Yes, yes, yes, to all of this. I started reading yoru blog shortly after we brought home our second son (adopted at 3). It was (and still is) both reassuing that “it’s not just me” and “OMG is that what I have to look forward to”. And what is up with the dog smell? I was just saying how our (freshly shampooed) boys’ heads smelled like puppy. We have no dog. How do they even do that? Great read, Rita!

Brenda Melahn 1 year ago

As a mother of 4 boys and now grandmother to almost 4 girls (last one in November) — let me say Amen — you are spot on all 10 points. Note — the grandmother comment — that’s the pay back for all those messes, farts, jeans, and nudity. granddaughters.

Dyreka 1 year ago

4 boys here, too. Two 12 yos, one 6yo, and one 18mo. And we homeschool (WTF was I thinking?!) Truer words have never been spoken. Stock up on wine, and learn to do your snacking and reading in the bathroom (while they’re endangering life and limb on the other side of the door with the derring-do du jour).

JimmyJohns 1 year ago

Riddle me this… If guys pee standing up and girls pee sitting down, why is it that boys catch grief over not putting the seat down? Maybe the girls should learn to put the seat back up, the way they found it.

Melissa 1 year ago

I have 7 boys. Ages 11, 13 yr old twins, 15, 17, 21 and 23. I swear it’s a raging home of testosterone! All of the above are oh so true. You can never have enough dishes, food, clothing or shoes!

Teagan 1 year ago

I have 2 boys with a girl in the middle. and all I can say, is that she’s this… (minus the peeing on the wall and grabbing the junk obviously :D) probably more so than my boys. Everyone thinks girls are all pretty and nice and sweet, sugar and spice 😀 seriously… no… maybe some of them…. but neither my daughter, nor her two female cousins, are that 😀 the only real difference between my girl and my boys, is that she’s more stubborn, a lot tougher when she injures herself, and has this Houdini ability where she can get into any cupboard, regardless of whether its a mile off the ground or locked…. (especially if it’s my makeup/creams cupboard) and she talks… so… much…. more….

Martha 1 year ago

Well, as a mom of 3 grown sons, I know many of these things to be true, the good, the bad, the ugly…. lol but, I like ’em anyway. As my oldest son told me once…. Mom, all the Angels in Heaven are boys, too. so how can we complain?

Jessica 1 year ago

Nick, what is wrong with you?? In what way does sitting on a toilet make someone less of a man? Colleen never said, as you quoted, that she taught them to “sit down and pee like a girl”. YOU said that it’s feminine, not her. Then you call her parenting techniques “sick and wrong”, because her boys don’t spray urine all over her bathroom? You know what’s sick and wrong? The fact that you would teach your sons that their masculinity depends on something so trivial as the position they take when they pee.

Marley 1 year ago

Four boys here from 35 to 19! And 8 grandchildren 6 girls and 2 boys! Use to think I wanted a girl, don’t get me wrong my first grandchild was a girl as well as the second and I love them with all my heart but they are more demanding and more dramatic then my boys. Myself, I was more of a tomboy growing up so all this Princess stuff and girly girly stuff is kind of different for me. I do have a couple in there that are tomboys and am adjusting to girly girly ways! BUT would not trade any of them for anything.

Verna Underhill 1 year ago

Grandma of three little boys (1,3 and 5) I’am reading this laughing with tears in my eyes watching my daughter (an only child) go through these same scenarios. All I can say Moms, is that it will all be over with so fast you’ll wonder where the time went and then you’ll really want to cry! These are “Precious Moments” even for a Grandma!

Verna Underhill 1 year ago

Grandma of 3 little boys. Iam reading this laughing with tears in my eyes, watching my daughter ( an only child) going through these same scenarios. All I can say Moms is “hang in there” it will all be over with so fast you’ll wonder where the time went and then you’ll really want to cry. These are such precious moments even for a Grandma!

Camielle 1 year ago

So true. I have a 3 year old and 10 month old boys. I came from a family of sisters and im adjusting to the differences between the genders. My eldest already exhibits 7/10 of the points you raised. Boys really are wired differently to girls but its reassuring to know all boys are a like.

Katie 1 year ago

I have two additions: NOISE and COMPETITION. I am constantly telling my boys to quiet down. They are quiet for maybe 10 seconds, and then they are right back to the siren noises, train whistling, growling, banging on any surface they can find as LOUD as they can, singing at the top of their lungs, trying to talk louder than each other, stomping/jumping around, etc. We have intentionally tried to avoid putting our kids in competition with each other, but they have come to it on their own, anyway. Just tonight, both of my boys were pooping, one on the toilet and one on the potty chair, and I hear my five-year-old say to my three-year-old, “I bet I can poop faster than you can!” followed by a lot of exaggerated grunting noises. Boys will be boys, right?

Brumley Chianese 1 year ago

Loved this!

Melissa Senecal 1 year ago

I completely agree with picking your battles! I’ve had my mom question me on decisions and I tell her the same thing! My 12 year old is also a Type 1diabetic and has hyperthyroidism, which is a whole other set of boy problems!

Another I could add is don’t ask what the smell in the laundry is, believe me you don’t want to know. Just check the pockets for animals (alive or not), anything sticky or possibly capable of staining what it is in or the rest of the load, or anything else not machine washable. I have picked up his hamper in his room and been assaulted by the smell. I just refer to it as his funky monkeys in the laundry and most of the time they wash out!!

Stephanie 1 year ago

I’m a mom of two teenage boys aged 17 and 15. I can relate to everything in this article. But I wouldn’t change a thing.

amy 1 year ago

It’s great to know that it’s not just my son!! He’s been naked for three years now!

Erin 1 year ago

Is it weird that my oldest daughter, although totally girly, does almost all of the things you listed too? Huge messes, gets hurt a lot, is super active, eats like crazy etc. The only things she doesn’t do are the peeing everywhere and the last part about grabbing herself. HAHA. Maybe it’s just a bunch of kids in general that create such chaos. ( I have three kids)

angelmom 1 year ago

Oh man I’m gonna have to remember this! Thanks for this!

M. Garzon 1 year ago

As others have pointed out, what you’re describing aren’t BOY things, they’re KID things. I have a boy and a girl. My daughter’s the crazy death-defying climber (seriously, I have grey hairs with her name on them), while my son’s afraid of heights. My daughter’s stoic and reserved, while my son is a total drama king. And both boys and girls can make a total mess of the toilet. The good thing for me is that now they’re old enough to learn to clean it, and guess what? There’s been a sudden dramatic decrease in the messes they make, LOL. My daughter also excels at math while my son loves to read… I could go on and on. And I know it seems innocent enough, to laugh about their “fart humour” and everything, but constantly attributing differences to gender only reinforces gender stereotypes, and they’re so very limiting to both girls AND boys. What if you’ve got a son who likes clothes and doesn’t want to climb trees? Is he going to feel less masculine? It’s the 21st century, I think we can afford to move past that stuff now :)

Susan 1 year ago

OMG!! Number 10!! Number 10!!! Such a constant occurrence in our house. So tired of the watching tv and hand down his pants thing. Agh!!

Karen M in FL 1 year ago

Other than #9 all so true in my house. My 4 boys are grown or almost grown at 31,23,19,16. But here is some scary drama info we were surprised and blessed with a girl who is now 12 and she are even more dramatic the her brothers.

Shelly Lynne 1 year ago

Thanks for posting and sharing your comments.

I am mom to 3 adult daughters.
And 4 boy grandsons, with the 5th boy due in September.

My oldest has 4 of the 5 boys and wants a farm.
I didn’t understand why at first, as they are under 6.
But she said since dad is 6’6″, they need a pig and chicken farm.
Or they’ll go broke before their huge boys hit their teen years.
The oldest is only 5 but up to my shoulders.

Thanks again for posting, as you are bang on, for all aspects :)

Grandma in Canada, of Sammy 5, Gabe 4, Danny 3, Carter 2 and Oliver due in September 2014.

Theresa Watkins 1 year ago

Just to finish my comment since I hit – post comment before I was finished lol~ is never wish that your grandchildren act out and “re-pay” their parents for all the times they drive us nuts because hey we forget ~ we as grandparents babysit …..

Theresa watkins 1 year ago

I had little girls-my older sister had girls- my daughters are 11 years apart. My oldest daughter respected my wishes and had my 2 beautiful granddaughters 11 months apart 21 years ago so why or better yet what did I do to deserve for my my baby daughter to betray me with these 2 little creatures AKA my grandsons 11 months apart and presently ages 3 and 4 years old??? Lol ~OMG WOW most days I’m stunned at how my daughter just breaths period…
But man am I the *Most loved and adored nanny in the world* YEP bet that cause these 2 little guys from birth stole this grandmothers heart and soul and I can truly say without doubt I have not been this loved in my entire 50+ years by nothing or no one.. Little boys are soooo different than little girls to bring up. I do however think that Instructions should come with them.lol
And for the icing on my cake I just discovered I’m going to be Great Grandmother to yet another little guy soon.
My only real advice on being a major part of raising a little boy from a grandmother’s perspective is never tell your child , the grandsons mom or dad when they are growing up that “one day you will have a child of your own and I hope they act just like you do cause

Kelly 1 year ago

I wish I could meet you and hug you because you just perfectly explained my life. I have 3 boys and I couldn’t have described my life to anyone anymore clearly. Thank you I don’t feel so alone anymore! Xo

karen 1 year ago

I have 4 boys as well and totally relate to everything you wrote lol. My grocery bill is unreal…and i’m not sure where they are putting the food as they could almost be poster kids for a third world country (no offense).

Fiona 1 year ago

All apply to daughters (although #10 needs adapting). “10 things moms of young kids….”

Stephanie Diaz 1 year ago

I am a mom of 3 boys, 14,7, and 5, and then surprise we had a baby girl who is 4. The toilet thing and the funky body oder… Oh my word YES!!! Then I started making my oldest son clean their bathroom… My 2 little boys are the cleanest modest silliest little boys ever…. They have to keep clothes on uless iit’s bath time which I have one who cries when it’s bath time… They do not like bugs
bc they bite and they have reactions to the bites… They dislike the color
pink bc it’s sisters fab color… My 7 yr old eats like a bird and my 5 yr old eats a bit better while my 14 yr old eats moderately…. They do not wrestle but we do have tickle fights…. All 4 of our kids are extremely ticklish… Good article funny at most…. I guess I am super lucky bc their daddy taught them modesty manners and respect of bodily functions and fluids…

Silla 1 year ago

I have four boys as well. I would add messy hair to this, unless you buzz it off they want it wild. The rest is spot on.

Gary Herman 1 year ago

Thanks for the good laughs! We literally LOL’ed . We have 2 boys ages 8 and 10. It’s an adventure!

Trish 1 year ago

THANK YOU!!! As a single mom to a 4 1/2 year old boy, it is such a relief to know that I’m not alone. All of my friends have girls and they simply don’t understand why my son is always using me as a jungle gym and running around naked. I try. REALLY hard. It just doesn’t work. The little bugger can manipulate and negotiate like a pro! Thanks again for helping me to know that I’m not alone:-)

Amy K 1 year ago

Sears used to (not sure if they still do as my 4 boys are now 19-26) have a thing on boys jeans that if the kids ripped them out, you could take them back to Sears and exchange them. No questions asked. I bought my oldest son a pair one time and the first time he wore them he decided to slide down a railing. Nail sticking out. Jeans ripped for almost a foot.

Just a thought for parents with smaller kids since that exchange program made it well worth my while to buy jeans from Sears – even if they were more expensive.

Kim 1 year ago

Haha, so basically my son will be like my husband! :)

I have a calm 4 year old daughter and my 11 month son is already turning out to be so different from her. I love the boy energy, but man he is so much stronger and energetic. And he has already discovered his pee pee!

laura 1 year ago

This is so accurate, but don’t forget the belching. In the mind of my son, belching is just as funny as farting. He also believes “The more the merrier” when it comes to both. And don’t think girls are so delicate when it comes to either one. More than once my son and daughter have had belching/farting contests and she wins.

Melissa 1 year ago

Literally cried as I read this out loud to my husband. Two boys, 14 months apart and you are SO dead on! Thanks for making me see the humor in the insanity!

Annika 1 year ago

Very, very funny – and a lot of my friends have (broods of) boys like that – while Jr. is – so far – a different breed altogether. :)

My soon-to-be seven year old is fond of climbing, running and doing all those crazy things – but he doesn’t wear out his clothes, he doesn’t strip down at home (and I expected that, because I’m an older sister, a former au-pair and summer-nanny, AND a foster-sister – I’ve seen more nekkid kids than I can shake a stick at!), prefers to sit on the loo and NEVER – and I mean NEVER – makes a mess in the kitchen.
Probably because he’s an only child and is fairly spoiled in the “Mommy, can I please have”-department – he doesn’t WANT to go in the fridge and grab stuff, he’ll ask for it instead, and if I TELL him to get it himself, he’ll do just that, nothing more/less.

And bathtimes are fairly rare – he just doesn’t get all that dirty, most of the time we just do a superquick shower a few times a week.

But best of all – he’s super geeky, as are both of his parents, and we’re both looking forward to when we can go to all the cool sci-fi and action movies with him and play the same computer games. 😉

Jack 1 year ago

One day some lady is going to admit that smart people look before they sit everywhere and that the toilet deal is nonsense. Look before you sit and you’ll never have to worry about what condition it is in.

Katie 1 year ago

If you have a ShopKo nearby, consider getting jeans there. They have a guarantee (at least, they used to, so maybe check) on their jeans that if they are worn out before your kids grow out of them, you get a new pair (also great for hand-me-downs!).

Joy 1 year ago

I second the comment about getting him to a doctor if he cries whenever he needs to pee. Not normal!

Aundria Premo 1 year ago

Political correctness is killing our boys. Stop trying to force boys to be feminine! There are important fundamental differences between boys & girls, both biologically & socially. It’s ok for boys to be rough & tumble… It’s ok for girls to like makeup. There are exceptions on occasion, but given their own way, most kids will go straight towards the “stereotype.” And that’s just how it is.

Bekkah 1 year ago

I have the best of both worlds. One girl then one boy. I tell everyone that having one then having another with a different gender is like parenting for the first time all over again. My daughter is very inquisitive and outspoken to where my son is VERY hands on and observant. I literally have the brain and the brawn. ( They are both smart but one uses her words more and the other uses his hands more). Its crazy how different yet similar genders are.

paula schuck 1 year ago

I love this! I am a Mom of girls and so this is somewhat foreign to me but I love reading some of the funny things they do and the style that you write in is lovely and matter of fact. Very funny especially the last point. I assume that is true because I have nephews.

kristina 1 year ago

I have a 4 year old son and a three year old daughter but my daughter is the biggest tom boy ever she loves to play in the dirt and chase bugs and wrestle with daddy. While my son is very clean and sensitive and caring and doesn’t like to play wrestle because he doesn’t like to get hurt. Can’t stand dirty hands and loves to cuddle up and watch movies with mommy!!

Miss Chardy 1 year ago

Hi Rita, you are tooooo funny! I can completely relate to EVERY. SINGLE. THING. on this post….4 boys (I am just listening to the 2 year old sing “i’m sexy and I know it” while wrestling the 7 year old). Even though it is very cold the 7 year old has nothing on but jocks so I have to have the heater blasting at 30 degrees C to ensure the place is like an oven for him and don’t even get me started on the toilet….. and as for farting, god I just don’t understand how people don’t think that is funny…….So loved reading this post (from Down Under in Australia) and I am so pleased to hear that it isn’t just my boys who completely flood the bathroom and use all of the towels….. I think I may become a regular reader here!!!

suviving mum of adullt 3 boys 1 year ago

great point made above. I remember been peed on in hospital by 24 yo when he was a new bub. He was the first of 3. The first thing I did when he peed was to look above to see where it had come from ….roof leaking in hospital—yeah right….My boys are 24 22 19 and have grown up to be polite young men. They may not like cleaning but who dose, and they will do it. Good luck to those all boys house holds. My mum and dad have 8 grand children ranging from 25 -11 and guess what all boys. I have nieces on my husbands side and love them all as well as the nephews on both side. We have a small female dog maltese x cavalier and the boys treat her like a princess she also likes to play tough and rough and loves men. She is 10yo and has survived and is in amazing health. She loves the boys and loves anyone who visits. The post at top brings back so many memories .Thankyou

Cate 1 year ago

i giggled my way through this whole post! We have 4 boys too, 17,14, 9 and 8.
I love them to pieces and am so proud to ahve all boys, despite what so many others have to say on that topic!

leanne 1 year ago

This has to be the best blog I’ve read about raising boys, I thoroughly enjoyed and has to say am a little relieved my house seems a bit more normal now!

Ashley 1 year ago

Thank you for the laugh!I have two little boys and this is spot on! Especially #3 & #10 :)

Kristi 1 year ago

I am pmsl @ ‘stop wrapping your penis around your fork’! Oh man…so true! Bwhahaha!

Joanne 1 year ago

I birthed 3 boys, but as they grew the number of boys that call me mom has greatly increased. And I understand about the “Mass Quantity of Food ” required in the house. Once the youngest had joined the Navy, it has taken me 2 years to get back to cooking in more quantity of food for 2. Now I am looking forward to the birth of my first Grandchild. The way she is carrying it looks like it might be ANOTHER BOY to the family!

Amy Moss 1 year ago

Hilarious! I have two boys and completely agree with everything in your post! Especially the drama and food posts. I have been waiting for my teenage son to tell me he started his period because of the high level of drama and emotions. I could feed my entire block with the snacks in my pantry if a natural disaster were to hit; but, according to my kids, we have nothing to eat!

And number 10, is spot on; they love those things!

Rebecca Eubank 1 year ago

My 2 boys are 12 & 10. They started calling their testicles “toasty nuggets”. Not sure where it came from. LOL My girls are 14 & 8. They just say vagina.

Catriona 1 year ago

I dont have any boys, but I did help bring up my adopted nephew, and for this I found myself agreeing with every point you have made, it also made me laugh – hard.

Amanda 1 year ago

This!!! Oh my god, THIS!!!! I’ve never seen a more accurate description of the world the world of mothering boys!!! Lmfao

Tika Nicole 1 year ago

I have 2 boys and 3 “bonus boys”. With ages 11, 12, 13, 14, & 16 regularly storming my fridge and pantry, I’m beginning to wonder why I’m not a farmer growing food! Not only do we go through LOTS of it, I have 5 strong helpers right here and always needing something to keep them busy and out of trouble!

lin win 1 year ago

t solve the toilet set probem, put the seat down and the lid too! because then every one is doing the same. and less chance of something falling in. i have 3 boys (twins) and 2 girls #1 girl full of drama. #2 boy no problems protector of #3 girl (i called her quiet thunder as a small person, as a teen queen elizabeth) and #4 & #5 twin boys omg! good together as babies, as todders to about 16-17 yr fighting and good times . now best buds

j.t. 1 year ago

Can we, as mothers of the next generation, stop perpetuating this sexist, narrow-minded crap about the essential differences between boys and girls? Anyone who has ever parented a girl knows how much of this list applies to girls as well. I know it is meant to be funny (well, i hope so) but what a load of crap. Let’s let go of the narrow, limiting boxes that gender essentialism promotes, and raise our children as children.

Hart mom 1 year ago

I usually don’t comment much on blog posts but I just have to say thank you for this delightful read. I am a mother of THREE boys, all born within 5 years. I laughed so hard picturing my brood doing all these things and some. It’s quite a task raising these young men but I am amazed how truly fulfilling it is. You sound like a wonderful mom. Keep up the good work (and humor)

– Mama Hart

Barbi T. 1 year ago

I lost count how many times I’ve told him to watch where he’s peeing! (Potty training boy #2)
And the smell of boys… And the fight to get them to shower (ugh)…
And constantly… I’m hungry. (Pulling hair out).
And drama, OH YES. Big time.
Boys are hard. That’s for sure. But I wouldn’t trade mine for anything.
I just hope one of them gives me a granddaughter someday (as I’m telling them to quit hitting each other in the private place just for fun).

Karyn Watton 1 year ago

OMG Number 10 – my Master of Mayhem! I’m so glad it’s not just me!

Kay Morrison 1 year ago

On man I’m laughing so hard.. I have 7 boys and I have all this too.. As teenagers they eat constantly… I have awaken at 0100 in the morning to a sandwich fest going on in my kitchen. Thanks for the laughs

Carrie 1 year ago

All very true, every single one. Can I just add to number 3, that potty training is NEVER over apparently? As a mother to 6-year-old twin boys (almost 7), I am ashamed to admit that there are still occasionally full-blown bouts of full-on loaded underwear (both numbers 1 and 2). And not in their sleep, no. I have had to have the babysitter go pick up one of my sons at Kindergarten because he had two accidents in one day, and used up the very last pair of spare pants the school had with the first one. Somehow I always thought this would be over at age 2, maybe 3, but no, despite my best efforts to cajole, bribe, punish, shame, and reason them into their senses.

Lisa Weinstein 1 year ago

I have only one and she’s a girl and the love of my life (a teenager mind you, so full of drama). My friends have boys so I got a real chuckle reading your blog. I would have loved to have had more kids, and would have loved to have also had a son!

Grackle 1 year ago

Agreed. If your boys are asking a certain way it’s because of how you raised them and the culture we live in, not because “boys” and “girls” have some magical fundamental difference….er, besides the obvious.

Aliya 1 year ago

in our house we have the rule, “Penis below the table.” It’s a sentence we utter more than an non-parent might believe to be possible. I blurted out a laugh at the wrapping the penis around the fork. I believe because I so well relate. 😀

Amanda Knape 1 year ago

3 boys. 3 nephews that are always here. Plus all the friends. 1 grandson on the way. I needed to read this blog. I’ve been so down because I was stressed about how messy my house had been lately. This made me feel better. Thank you!! Lol. It’s so true!

Mark Davies 1 year ago

Hilarious and so true!

Michelle 1 year ago

We taught our son and daughter penis and vulva, too. Then my now ex-husband got a Volvo and our daughter called it a vulva. LMAO!! Oh the joys!! I guess it wasn’t as bad as when my ex would be on call and the beeper (yes a beeper) would go off and he would yell “F$!#”. Our son thought that’s what it was called and one day on speaker phone with my MIL (of course) our son caught sight of the beeper and started yelling “F$!#”. My MIL was asking “What? Truck? Did you hear a truck? Did a truck just go by?” and we were saying “Yes! A truck just went by” as my ex removed the beeper from the room. xp

C Prestons 1 year ago

I beg to differ mom is NOT emasculating her male children by teaching them to sit to do their business. as a mom of two boys, my first couldn’t pee sitting down,(he had a long term bladder lining inflamation, His brother always went sitting down until he went off to kindergarten and grade one. There father is comfortable either way and definitely sits when heads to the loo in the middle of the night half asleep. Nothing unmasculine about any of them.

Maggie 1 year ago

So… I read this bc I have a boy, 15 months now and wanted to get some insight as to what I will encounter in the future. my little one is extremely dramatic and only says 5 words but when he’s angry I’m sure his string of syllables is him telling me off. While most of these made me laugh, I realized that by the time I finished reading #10 I found myself in a daze with my hand covering my mouth. I will have to roll with it. My anxiety prone husband may have a harder time dealing with this than I will!

Maggie 1 year ago

Ha ha, my little boy has been grabbing his since about 9 or 10 months. He’s 15 months now and every diaper change and bath he gets his hands are all over it. I give him a few minutes of naked time after his bath so he can run around and “explore” so that it’s not a fight to get the diaper on before bed.

Kylie 1 year ago

And the balls…. the bouncing of the balls. Constantly. Against the walls. Against the floor. Against the ceiling. Against the rules. At all hours.

And what to do about all the toy guns and toy war machines? I’m so sick of the culture that pushes those on their boys. Let them wrestle. Let them wrap their penises around forks. But they don’t have to pretend to kill us, do they??

Jeannette Tetz 1 year ago

Jeans, Socks and Underwear. There is no ownership. There are just great freaking piles of laundry. They even steal MY T-Shirts, MINE. I can’t tell the panties and socks apart so I stopped trying, they disgustingly do not seem to care. I buy the socks everyone hates for me cause MAMA DON’T SHARE FOOT FUNK.

Lisa 1 year ago

The BEST part I found about successfully raising boys (and yes, I was hoping my fourth pregnancy would be a girl too and yes my youngest son knows I cried and yes at age 17 he loves to hear the story, he knows I was just being mommy) is watching my oldest son being a magnificent and compassionate father to his young daughter! He also committed the apparently unpardonable sin of wanting a same sex child (boy, in case that wasn’t clear). One day I’m sure his daughter will also laugh at that!

Karen 1 year ago

As a mom of four boys and three girls, you are right on! Now my kids are having their own boys and girls. I just smile and laugh when they complain :) The moms curse ” I hope you have children just like you” LOL! Seriously, it’s turned out great and with 16 grandchildren my kids are getting their own stories to tell :)

Meredith 1 year ago

Oh my gosh. Love this. I especially love the part about drama. My boys have PLENTY of drama. I’m hoping they outgrow it and become the too cool for anything kind of boys I expect them to be. :)

Theres Just One Mommy 1 year ago

Boys, gotta love ’em! I mean, somebody has to, right?

Tina-Marie 1 year ago

Forget about grabbing at it when they are out of the womb…when I had an ultrasound the tech said to me “Hmmmm…well…I’ve never seen this before but apparently your baby wants you to know he’s a boy because he’s pulling on it”. My poor husband! My mother was in the room with us and said “Like father, like son”. True Story!

MadMum 1 year ago

I fondly recall having a burping contest with my two older sisters when we were all in the 10-14 year old range. My mom just shrugged and looked the other way. We didn’t do it in public and were actually getting along… so why interfere? Good times…

Sandra Galati 1 year ago

As the mother of three (boys), I agree wholeheartedly! I wish I could have read this years ago. Enjoy your day and weekend, Rita.

Elva Roberts 1 year ago

I had two boys at either end of three girls in the middle. That makes life easier for me because you have to have two or more after one another to get the real ‘male’ ;thing going on in your home. Although the older boy taught the younger one one to ‘rassle’ and gave lessons while the younger one’s shoulder was strapped from a dislocated shoulder.. Didn;;t g over well with Mom.
This is certainly an amusing post and I know it is all true. Hugs.

enoje 1 year ago

I have three boys and one girl. My daughter’s name (in Yoruba) literally means “We prayed for a girl.”

Rainydayboys 1 year ago

Mine are ambitious. I’m forever saying things like “stop wrapping your penis around the table leg.”
And I need to fire bomb my bathroom. We have 1. Just 1 bathroom. I swear, they walk through the door already spraying and only the last few drops – if I’m lucky – make it in the bowl.

Taylor Brione 1 year ago

Wow! I come from a family of 6 girls! The nudity and the eating is similar but I can’t imagine your other notes! Sounds fun though! And yes growing girls eat a lot too! My dad often said, “Do I have six boys or six girls?” Lol

Emily 1 year ago

Three boys over here – ages 10, 14 and 16…I wrote a post on this site not that long ago similar to yours except mine was about teen boys…just wait because that’s when the fun REALLY starts. :) Enjoy – being a boy mom is THE BEST, farts and all!!

Kady 1 year ago

Exactly. Moreover, it’s about teaching my son to be considerate and polite. My husband’s best friend leaves the seat up when he visits and it shocked me. Now it just disgusts me. I had never seen a seat up in a home until I met him, and yes I have a father, brother, cousins, nephews, bros-in-law, male friends, etc.
Face it: women put down the LID; boys and men can put down the SEAT as well.
Anyway, great post. I adore my boy.

Nick 1 year ago

As a Father of 7; 4 boys, 3 girls, I have to say I feel REALLY sorry for the emasculation of your boys. I have NEVER sought to judge another parent and their parenting quirks, but teaching a boy to ‘sit down and pee like a girl’ is sick and wrong. Also – do you not understand that this is a blog written by a good writer who is dramatically illustrating some funny truths of life? I doubt her bathroom is ALWAYS a peed on mess; but it can feel that way at times. Just like I doubt her boys are ALWAYS running around with forks on their wankers. Hyperbole – it’s a great tactic for entertaining writing especially when commenting on the crazy things of life. (Does your husband also sit on the pot when he tinkles? U must have quite the lock box.)

Ricki Martin 1 year ago

Best. Blog Post. Ever!
I have 4 boys ages 21-9 and I totally get this!

Vidya Sury 1 year ago

I feel like a lowly Mom, Rita!. I only have ONE boy! But hey, I’ve experienced all of this. I am giggling so hard now! The Mothering never ever seems to end!

Laurie 1 year ago

Wait until you get to the teen years when your choke on the fumes from Axe Body Spray!

Bree 1 year ago

Lol!!! TRIPLET boys who will be a year old next month here… Boy am I in for some fun!! 😉

MILK 1 year ago

Agreed. Charming as this is, I get a bit tired of the “girl vs boy” thing. Girls are messy and tough and gross, boys are emotional and imaginative and affectionate. We don’t really need to build little boxes for them based on what they grab when they’re sticking their hands down their pants.

MILK 1 year ago

I taught my daughter the word vulva for the external stuff – which I figured was more accurate in terms of what she was seeing and wanting to name. Then I ruined my whole accuracy thing by mentioning that her friend’s mom drives a Vulva – because our genitals are so cool they named a car company after them.

K 1 year ago

This is the best article I’ve read in a LONG time. I can relate to every bit of it! I just found out my baby #3 is another boy! That makes 3/3. Thank you, I needed this today!

candi 1 year ago

This is wonderful I have 2 boys and 2 girls and they are equally messy and crazy bad and you have to be prepared fir lots o f2f hodpital/ doctors trips and you have to learn to laugh it off but it is all worth it this was the best thing i have read all day

Crystal Green 1 year ago

This is totally utterly an amazing blog post! Anyone who has influenced the raising of boys will truly appreciate this blog post. I love the pictures!

The Milk Meg 1 year ago

OMG yes, yes and yes. I have three boys and this is spot on! Especially the farts, food intake and frequency of nudity…

Danielle 1 year ago

I love your blog. Ive come across it a number of times via mommy friends on FB. But this article take the cake. I may only have 1 boy, but # 9 and #10 take the cake. My 2 year loves to run around naked and fling is dangling whenever possible. Or put it in elm’s face or his bear’s face. or…wherever…..Thanks for making this journey more laughable.

Dawn Sonntag 1 year ago

This brings back so many memories. If only I had known this was all “normal” when I was raising my two sons.

Wendy 1 year ago

“Stop wrapping your penis around your fork.” I laughed till I cried. Thank God I only have two of them.

Courtney 1 year ago

OMG. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing this. You hit this dead on

Ruth Craddock 1 year ago

Your right on the money about everything. number 10 cracks me up cause I’ve literally had ladies from Church show up out of the blue on my door step to talk to me about my oldest sons problem with touching himself. whats surprising is that they both have sons of their own! I looked at them like they were crazy and said “he’s a boy they all do that. just remind him not to when you see him do it in class or give him something else to hold on to if your that worried about it!” I have three sons thus far and am the youngest of eight kids five of which were boys. I’ve always gotten along better with men and dated a ton before I got married. I can’t recall a single man in my life including my father who I haven’t witnessed adjust himself at some point or other. Its normal. There’s nothing wrong with teaching them proper etiquette about it but when they’re relaxed they’ll do it without even thinking about. only thing on your list my boys don’t do is strip down and I’m greatful to miss out on that one! lolololol

leanne 1 year ago

I have 2 boys and this article made me laugh out loud. I love my 2 wild, crazy little men more than anything. My house is constantly untidy, you can never walk across my front room without stepping on a car or soldier and my mum almost has a heart attack whenever she’s round because she’s not used to the way the pair of them fight with each other. In fact she hangs around the phone, half expecting to have to call for an ambulance for one or both of them because of how bad they fight (grown men drunkenly fighting in a bar have nothing on my boys!). My eldest is so skinny he looks half-starved but eats more than the rest of us put together and I don’t even want to talk about the mess they leave in my bathroom every day. But one thing I will say is, I also have 2 girls and in my opinion, boys are so much more loving than girls. My boys are the first to come to me if I’m upset, the first to wrap their arms around me and tell me they love me and though they do fight, it’s almost always playful fighting, not the kind of hair-pulling, scratching and screaming kind of fighting that my girls do. I loved this article because every single part rang true, thanks for giving me a good laugh.

Robin Pitt 1 year ago

my daughter (now grown) was raised with three older brothers. she did the same things they did, down to running around in her underwear. neither I or their father thought much of it as we don’t gender stereotype and she was just doing what kids do. except the grabbing the weiner thing. she fought with them, laughed about fart jokes, brought home various creepy crawlies, exactly like her brothers did. and she’d be the first to tell you that she wasn’t abused, wasn’t left out, didn’t have to feel like she was weak because she happens to have a vagina. if anything, it left her knowing she can be the equal of a man without fear.

Robin Pitt 1 year ago

raised three boys and this article brings back memories. only thing you forgot is how you MUST be able to figure out a way to give them a superhero cape because they always want one. could be my fault for reading them Captain Underpants before bed though. haahaha!

Drew Elson 1 year ago

I never noticed any difference between girls and boys. It’s all a crazy wonderful ride. I have 2 of each. I guess most people are influenced easily by sexual generalizations. I would suggest trying to be a little more objective when it comes to your children. Girls can be labelled as difficult as they are bombarded with more social & moral constraints. So, girls have more to fight against. It would be the same if these constraints were placed on boys. People accept things like farting, dirtiness, laziness, rudeness, nakedness, boogers, dangerous behaviors from boys more than they would from girls. How would you feel about your 2 year old daughter walking into a public place naked, finger up her nose, deciding to slide down the slide head first into a pile of mud? Your son? Yeah, just as I thought. You would not allow your daughter to do this…. but your son….. exactly.

Jen 1 year ago

Yep these are kid things, not boy things. Actually, while reading I automatically thought, “wait, am I not supposed to teach my son not to splash outside the bathtub? That wouldn’t be very fair to my daughter,”who I have to remind with every bath. Then it hit me, yes, all kids do these things. Unfortunately, some people with boys tell themselves that boys will be boys and just allow it and clean up after them while not being so lenient and apologetic for girls. I know the author doesn’t have girls, so this is just her permissive parenting style. But anyway, I think this attitude, when directed only at boys, helps them grow into those men who think it’s their right to sit around and make messes while their wife caters to them in their obvliviousness. I think it’s unfortunate.

Sabine 1 year ago

True and great comment- i have an 8 years old boy and sometimes i’m so tired and sometimes so angry- and sometimes really happy- and i have only one… but to think, that time is a gift and that they will grow up so quick, that will help, to go through the hard moments :-)! After Laotse: help them to grow up, but don’t expect anything, teach them, but don’t be a dictator, this is the secret of virtue!
Sabine, Germany

Lisa 1 year ago

I had a daughter first. Totally misled me. Then 3 boys later…oh my. The toilet, the bathroom itself, walls, LAUNDRY…all over, the walls (how do they dirty walls so fast?!?), they don’t even sit still to watch tv! They sit in positions yogis would be proud to claim. My oldest used to wrap his penis around his finger and tug on it. He claimed it didn’t hurt. It hurt me just to watch it.
They will get in knock down, drag out, kicking, screaming, clawing fights and be beat buddies 5 seconds later. And they would probably swear in court that I don’t feed them, but my empty bank account could attest to just how much they eat. Locusts are like snails compared to my boys.

mom4boyz 1 year ago

Love my 4 boys!!! And most importantly….they love their momma!!

Chari 1 year ago

5 boys here, ages 9 – 5 months. I just want to say thank you for this. My husband and I had a good laugh, and can relate to EVERY one of these and some. :-)

Heather 1 year ago

I had to chuckle because a few of these actually reminded me of my daughter. She is a girly, girl. But sometimes she is more rough and tumble then my son. It’s a great list. Thanks for sharing.

debb 1 year ago

I am a mom of four grown sons. ages 26 through 33 now. My stairsteps. You have wonderfully covered almost all points but I would add one more. Learn to Pick your Battles. Some things are not worth the battle and do more damage than good. Positive reinforcement and allowing them to be individuals pays off big when they are grown. My boys have thanked me for disciplining them, but letting them be individuals. One is now a Minister of Music. 2 is a Master Sgt in the airforce security forces, 3 is a computer geek works on big airplane communication systems in the airforce. 4 is an international model, actor and store manager. all different and all special to their momma. When number 2 wanted an ear pierced, we told him to find in the bible where a man got his ear pierced and why, and how would it apply to him today.. He found it and we split a piercing session together when he got one ear pierced. My ear has an extra piercing from that episode, but when I put in that earring, I pray for my son, who is now a daddy of three. You just have to decide what battles are gonna be worth it in forming character. Teaching them to clean up messes came in handy for us when my own car ran over me and suddenly Mom couldn’t clean up any more. But because of my accident, my boys can clean and cook and take care of a house hold. at one point I had 3 in Highschool at once, and one in college.. Talk about going broke.. it wasn’t just the grocery bills. It was clothes, and sports gear for football, cross country, wrestling, roller hockey, soccer and more, drama class costumes, chorus tuxes, yearbooks, marching band camp, classrings, yearbooks. Choir tour, summer camps, one went to music camp, one to sports camp one to art camp, another to youth camp.. on my it goes on and on, start saving now :) When mine were in HS we went through 2 to 3 gallons of milk a day.. my husband stopped on the way home from work as a habit to pick up 2 gallons cause that was what fit in the frig. My best advice is be consistent. Let your NO mean NO, and if you say yes, follow through. Don’t make promises you can’t or don’t want to keep. Pick you battles, and nurture them to be decision making men. Be wise and slow to anger, but don’t be lax in your parenting. Be the Parent, not the buddy. God gave them to you to parent, take that seriously. I get so frustrating seeing lazy parenting… being a good parent takes commitment and work, and presence. Be a presence in your child’s life. My husband and I saw many times kids at school functions with absent parents who were sad because mom or dad were absent. NO JOB is more important than your children.. so if something needs sacrificing, reevaluate your job… I left a high paying management job at a major corporation, and opened a daycare in my home for 10 years to be home with my boys. I don’t regret it and count it a blessing to have had the time with them. Blessings to all you mommas. Count each day as a blessing, no matter the messes and such, as you will turn around and they are grown.. I miss the boys, and now my greatest moments are when I can manage to get them all together and enjoy the fun.. blessings to you all

Becky@BoysRuleMyLife 1 year ago

Yes! you worded that so well :) Mom to 3 boys here. Thanks for the smiles and laughs. #10 really got me! hahahaha

Samantha Thompson 1 year ago

I nearly wet myself laughing, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m in the toilet right now reading this to escape MY 4 boys!!! It’s ALL TRUE! I could’ve written this myself! So much mess but sooo much love to go with it!! I love being a mum! And now I have no. 5 who is my one and only Princess and boy does she have her 4 big brothers wrapped around her fingers!! Well done to all you mums AND DADS of wonderful (challenging) boys!! They’re soooo worth it! X

Lainey 1 year ago

I’m sure she meant etymology.

Mommy Adventures 1 year ago

I am SO GLAD it’s not just my son who touches himself every chance he gets. He’s only 2, so I was getting kind of worried….. “Mommy, I’m twirling my penis.” He tells me. Every. Single. Day. But I also have an almost 5 year old girl, so I’m thinking it’s time to stop letting them bathe together because we all know what naked little boys like to do in the bath tub, and even though she is young still, I don’t know that her seeing it is very appropriate. But then what am I supposed to do, lock her out of the bathroom all by herself while my son has a bath? Sigh. Before having a boy, I seriously thought the penis grabbing wouldn’t start until at least 11. Maybe they need to warn us in antenatal class….

Paul 1 year ago

I have one girl and four boys. Last year my wife went on a 3 day 2 night school trip with my daughter (Grade 6) and came home talking about the drama with the girls. This year I went on the same trip with our oldest boy – and all the drama was again with the girls. Your boys may seem dramatic but I’ll take the drama from my boys over tween girls any day!

all girl househole 1 year ago

I was one of three girls, and we were like that, even the girls who are now careful of their nails and hair had most of the traits. We loved creepy crawlies, nudity, baths and I’m surprised we didn’t kill ourselves with our activities! The number of times mum would shout at us to ‘go outside to play like that’ I’m surprised she didn’t lose her voice! But I hate Farts, the others think they are kinda funny.

shane 1 year ago

OK… toilet seat up or down is a personal preference…. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY… it’s up to the idividual… boys like it up because we need it up, girls like it down because they need it down…. that does not make one way more correct than the other…. you don’t hear us complaining about the seat being left up again….

and the srpinkle when we tinkle thing…

oh dear….. it shows that girls don’t understand….
we don’t miss because we’re lazy or don’t aim….
imagine you’re standing there pointing in the right direction and half way through, it changes angle or even better, a second stream appears… yes a second stream…. the only thing left to do there is aim the thickest stream at the bowl…. or maybe a temporary wild fluctuation in pressure…
these are things girls don’t have to deal with so they think “what’s the problem? how hard can it be?”…

and BTW farts ARE funny.. hillarious in fact.

Jay 1 year ago

On #3, my mother used to put looped( open circled) cereal in the bowl to help my aim with target pratice.

pam 1 year ago

I had 4 boys and now 6 grandsons believe all this is true,no matter how you planned it with boys its a whole new world.

Colleen 1 year ago

Oh, the drama!! I only have one boy. My one daughter actually attends drama camp, and is prepared to become a full-on diva, but her drama CANNOT EVEN TOUCH the drama of my boy!! I remember when he was three or four I took him into the doctor, who told me they usually call children like this “drama mamas”, but he was going to have to think up a new term now!! When he was one, his temper tantrums consisted of dramatically throwing his head back hard onto the tile floor. He is nine now, he stomps his feet, throws things across the room, kicks whatever he finds on the floor (entire piles of clean, folded clothes waiting to go up the stairs), rips the covers off of his bed and screams at me. Why, you ask? Because unlike his father (who is remarried), I will tell this child no.. No, you may not play Xbox anymore today, you’ve already had your two hours… No, you cannot have that package of sour belts, you just had pizza and cake for both lunch and dinner (two birthday parties)…. No, I will not allow you to keep both presents I got you for your birthday AND go buy you Minecraft for the Xbox, you may choose two of the three. Not anything life-ending, right? I’ve been making his father take him to a therapist so they can fix this.

Sonia Curtis 1 year ago

The above comment wasn’t meant to post here … stupid thing!
Anyway … what I wanted to say to you is … Why do you use silly words for his penis and scrotum?
My 4.5 yr old knows it’s his penis and scrotum … and he understands that girls and women have vagina’s … because that is what they ARE! Penises and vagina’s …
I don’t understand why these are such horrid terms to teach our children??? This totally baffles me!
Your son has a penis and scrotum and you have a vagina and breasts … deal with it! It’s the facts!

Sonia Curtis 1 year ago

@ Maylynn …
If he’s crying every time he pee’s, I’d be seeing a Dr and getting him checked for a UTI. I have a boy … he LOVES his penis! … but he’ never cried when he’s pee’d … but the second the nappy (I’m Australian) was removed, the hands where down there like a shot! I also have a grandson … and he’s exactly the same. I’ve never know a kid who wants to pee on his own hand … they just like to play with the hose! … and they’re not born with the natural instinct to hold their penis when they pee … hell, I still have to remind my 4.5yr old to hold his and aim when he’s using the toilet! Otherwise, he’ll just stand there, rubbing his face or tummy with both hands and his pelvis thrust forward … “Um, No son … Hold that thing and aim for the water!!!!” I hate the sound of pee on the porcelain … I’m never sure if it’s going in the bowl … or all over it!!! Ahhh … they joys of boys! – See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/10-things-moms-of-boys-must-do/#comment-339849

Sonia Curtis 1 year ago

If he’s crying every time he pee’s, I’d be seeing a Dr and getting him checked for a UTI.
I have a boy … he LOVES his penis! … but he’ never cried when he’s pee’d … but the second the nappy (I’m Australian) was removed, the hands where down there like a shot!
I also have a grandson … and he’s exactly the same.
I’ve never know a kid who wants to pee on his own hand … they just like to play with the hose! … and they’re not born with the natural instinct to hold their penis when they pee … hell, I still have to remind my 4.5yr old to hold his and aim when he’s using the toilet! Otherwise, he’ll just stand there, rubbing his face or tummy with both hands and his pelvis thrust forward … “Um, No son … Hold that thing and aim for the water!!!!” I hate the sound of pee on the porcelain … I’m never sure if it’s going in the bowl … or all over it!!!
Ahhh … they joys of boys!

Melanie 1 year ago

Funny and true! I praise all of you mothers who have more than one kid! I have one 12 year old Son and he is a handful! Not looking forward to the teenage years, but I love him more than anything! I also came from a household with 3 boys and one girl, me being the baby of the family! It was rough being the only girl, but I was also spoiled at times because of it.

Bianca 1 year ago

LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW!

The ‘penis wrapping on a fork’ made me pee my pants :)

Serenity Law 1 year ago

“Stock up on Band aids and look the other way for a Second, For your own sanity!” That is NOO JOKE!!! 2 boys not including husband who plays just as hard as they do! His Family has the curse. Mother in-law has 4 grown boys, my husband the oldest, twin boys and a youngest boy and so far she has 6 grandsons, 5 of which she sees. But oh man I tell you what she is one of thee most sternest women i know and when she puts her foot down, say “yes Ma;ma” and she knows to let boys be boys even if that means jumping off a 4foot brickwall at 4years old. Medical insurance will take care of it! he won’t learn any other way! LOL! Yeah the JOYS of being Mothers to all boys! Go us women!!!! :)

Debra 1 year ago

I can so relate! I have 3 boys from 8 to 16 and every single one of these applies(d) to one or more at some point!

chanda 1 year ago

one 4 yr old…so I’m wondering what did everyone call the “female” part? He knows about his wee-wee and was just introduced to his “little balls.” So now he wants to know what mommy has since she doesnt have a wee and little balls, lol?

sarah 1 year ago

HILARIOUS!!! Love it and agree with everything. I could have written it! I have 4 sons, three grown up and in the Army and youngest 16. Enjoy the days as they grow so quickly. Now I have granddaughters and do not know what to do (ie hair, toiletting and tights but it it such fun!

Donna Roucoulet 1 year ago

Remember, it’s not your uterus that decides what it may or may not birth. I always blame my husband. Apparently, he only makes girl babies, and gets his boys from elsewhere (one from my first marriage, and one through adoption.) LOL And as for the naked thing – it’s not totally a boy thing. My youngest still prefers as few pieces of clothing as possible. Lord help us all! Great story though!! Loved it!

Tracy 1 year ago

I grew up in a household of boys and now they’re all in their 30’s and 40’s. Guess what? They NEVER get tired of the fart funnies. I think it gets even funnier as they get older because they document and remember ALL of their best farts/poops and compare them with one another. They even (to my poor mothers dismay) get the grandchildren involved. Makes for some interesting campfire conversation by times.

Joyce 1 year ago

Oh man, this was the funniest blog post I’ve read so far! I have a little boy and after reading this I feel better for knowing my son is pretty normal – I sometimes thought he was kinda crazy.. Hehe

Brandy 1 year ago

I have a boy. He has had 2 teeth knocked out replace 6 times. Cuts, bruises, lots of jumping of stuff climbing stuff, playing in dirt, mud. News thing plays with snails. Grabs ladies butts. He is only six.

Samantha White 1 year ago

We have 2 boys and what you wrote made me laugh. Dead on the money. Farts, poo, food on the floor, living in just their jocks or nappy… the blog made my night. Thanks for sharing. x

Kim 1 year ago

Great article! I laughed the whole time. I have two boys, ages 2 and 4. They always make me laugh with their burping contests and beefs (their word for fart) and supply me with endless hugs, kisses, and “I love you’s”. For those being critical, it’s a read for enjoyment, not a handbook on how to raise children. Lighten up.

Megs 1 year ago

Oh boys are so DIFFERENT look at how DIFFERENT and MANLY these BOYS ARE. Tired and played out gender bullshit.

Colleen 1 year ago

I’m a mother of three adult boys and one teenage boy. I’ve never had a problem with a messy bathroom or toilet. It’s all in the training. Just because they can stand to urinate doesn’t mean they have to! My husband and I trained our boys to sit down at home and stand up when using a public toilet.

Additionally, they all know how to clean the house because they’ve been taught and expected to share in the responsibility. Stop cleaning up after your boys messes and teach them how to do it! They’ll learn to be neater and your future daughter-in-law will thank you.

gdub 1 year ago

I’m a dude/dad. And all I can say is: “Is that kid eating Cool Whip from the container?” I mean, what? No wonder they’re bouncing off the walls. If you fed girls Cool Whip and whatever else goes with it, they’d be swinging around and acting like monkeys as well.

Amanda D 1 year ago

My boys are 2 & 4 and every single one of those is true for them already. I find diapers (sometime wet, but never dirty) all over my house because the two year old prefers to be naked. The good news is he is potty training himself while being naked.

Andre Lagrange 1 year ago

This article ist fun. We raised 4 girls. Other type of problems, but no lack of hilarious situations!

Josh 1 year ago

I have to chime in since A. I’m a male and B. Have a son! She left off 1 thing that is a must know for diaper changing baby boys! Keep one close because as soon as his maleness hit the air it tends to fire! I was a fast learner after I took a zoro to the face! I almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard and so was he!

Bruce McDonald 1 year ago

Why? , because I can!

Maria 1 year ago

This made my night. I only have two boys, but totally experiencing all of this and wondering if others do too. Thanks for this it’s great!

Crystal 1 year ago

Good to know my 3 yr old is normal!!!!
Bet I’m not the only one to find a bucket of pee in the toy room on a puddle under the x-mas tree.

Joanne Sudall Lee 1 year ago

As the mother of three boys and grandmother of 4, I have faced everyone of those situations, except maybe the penis around the fork. I did however have one that pulled a real pig snout out of his pocket at dinner.

Imelda 1 year ago

This is exactly where we are. We have four boys like you and boy-oh-boy, it’s like being in a boys’ locker room all the time. And you are so right – boys don’t change their habits much – judging from the way my husband does. (Sometimes). :-)

Amy rose 1 year ago

Amen!! I have 3 boys and this is my life!!! I was your definition of a Barbie before, perfect hair, full glam make up, perfect outfit and matching heels!! Just to get milk!!! Now its baggy tees, dirty jeans and mud fights!!

Tanya 1 year ago

The noise—yes! My 4 YO son loves airplanes and rocketships. He runs around making blast-off noises. He puts so much force into it that the little veins and tendons in his neck stick out. I didn’t even know that could happen with a preschooler, because somehow, my 7 YO daughter never gave us this experience!

{Running} Rachel 1 year ago

I am a boy momx3 and LOVE and AGREE with this post!! Yes! Yes! Yes!!! :)

Tanya 1 year ago

“Stop wrapping your penis around your fork!”

I can’t stop laughing!!! I’ve got one boy and one girl, and you are absolutely right that they are different! Great article.

Sylvia Boothe 1 year ago

I raised 5 boys and 5 girls….3 biological and 7 chosen ones (adopted) . All 10 points is absolutely true, regardless of gender (other than the aiming and penis massages ). I can honestly tell you I have NO IDEA how I managed to feed them……all 10 are in a 5 year age span…..all I needed was each one to bring home a friend and now I was feeding 20 of them…but I did…and I can tell you that after an afternoon of barrel racing my girls could out eat my boys…..and now I have the honor of not only being proud of them and actually liking them, I hear them repeat almost verbatim all my “motherly advise” . For you young mother’s the only advise I have is teach them respect and appreciation and be ready to laugh…. and make sure you have your pediatrician’s phone number on speed dial…..I can say….It get’s a whole lot funnier when you become a grama…….

Jonelle 1 year ago

I enjoyed the article. I have 2 boys, oldest is 2 so I have a lot to look forward to. I laughed out loud at the wrapping the penis around the fork! Thanks for the laugh!

Kearstan 1 year ago

I know your pain. I have three boys. After a long car ride, I often have to make a mad dash to the bathroom to pee. I got tired of having to make a split second decision of whether bi want to hover or take the time to clean it up. So, about the toilet seat I posted a “lift seat before you pee” sign. I haven’t had a problem since. I also make it a point to leave clorox wipes on the back of the toilet, as well.

Lauren 1 year ago

My son and his friend peed on some chips and gave it the older brother to eat! I had to act horrified (but could barely contain the giggles). Every point above is spot on – point no.11 – don’t think any pet is safe around boys. They are used as horses, they teach the dogs to howl and when they are younger then 3 dog food becomes very tasty. I won’t say anything about the cats … really enjoyed your blog.

Jan 1 year ago

I have 3 brothers and my mother and uncle were neighbours for almost 10years when we grew up and my uncle only had girls, 3 to be exact and till this day my mother says she is so grateful she never had girls as they are nightmares! Your insights are based on parenting and by the look of it, it aint that disciplined…

mary 1 year ago

this is so true. i had four boys in four years and still wonder how i survived. i was always a tomboy growing up and thank god for it when raising my four boys. the emergency room knew me by first name and yes i was even there twice in one day.

Amy 1 year ago

I have 4 girls and 1 boy and I totally agree! :) And most of my girls love ripping a fart. LOL! I am so thankful, though, that #3 has NEVER applied to my boy. He is almost 12, so maybe later? I don’t know how I got so lucky!

darcisue 1 year ago

there’s nothin, nothin, nothin, like runnin wild and free… hahaha. TRUTH. Subaru nailed it. So did this blog!

Kathleen 1 year ago

Mom of 4 kids, ages 23, 18, 6 and 4; and before anyone asks, YES, same marriage! God just has a sense of humor!!
Thank you for writing this! I needed this reminder!!! My 18 and 6 yos are boys so as you can imagine, I had forgotten what I had gone through and survived!
I’m getting lots of strange looks because you had me laughing hysterically in the oil change waiting lounge. Thank you!!!

Jeff 1 year ago

Thanks for this post, which, as father to two daughters, I appreciated. But I have to note that some of these are not boy-specific. 1, 2, 5, 6, 9 you might expect to be similar, but I was greatly surprised that 7 is familiar. My daughters constantly want to eat, except for the lengthy interludes when they don’t want to eat the particular things we’ve laid out for them. And while their desire to disrobe was not surprising to me, the fact that they have their own version of #10 was quite a shock. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve had to discreetly remove their hands from their crotches in public I’d be able to pay for their lunches for a year.

Sarah 1 year ago

My daughter (5) and son (4) were peeping over my shoulder as I read this. It’s interesting their different reactions and comments to the pics. My son upon seeing the pic of your two boys and the incident at the stairs said, “I want to go their house! Do they live on a different planet?” After I finished laughing, I kind of had a big head that he had so much faith in my abilities to track you down if I confirmed for him that you lived on planet Earth.

My daughter’s reaction to your son the, ‘Pirate Super Cowboy’ asked, “Is that Davis, Mommy?” because it’s apparently the ubiquitous pic of the nekkid 4 year old and his multiple superhero alter ego.

I am with you about their peeing habits that is why I have taught my son to pee with the seat down and it’s now his “special job” (we have to hype up chores however we can!) to clean the floor around the toilet and the toilet seat. Believe it or not, it has worked as a deterent from spraying the 3′ vicinity of the toilet!

So, when is your living canonization?

esha 1 year ago

For my own personal reasons I never ever ever wanted a BOY. Society can be rough no matter if you intelligent, come from a good home and have two amazing parents who taught you respect, morals and values. I have always been terrified to have a son. So when I lived in Belgium so far, far, far away from my family with my new husband finding out the sex of our new bundle of joy was stressful. So I waited until a visit to the states I wanted it to be accurate. Devastated at the results, I literally cried from Travis AFB home. I was having a boy. I flew back to Europe ver y sad. I had another appointment later that week. I was hell bent on having a girl. Low and behold my first child end up being girls I was estatic. I knew what to do with girls I was a pro (and so I thought). My daughters have turned my expertise upside down and inside out. I said all of that, to say this….7 years ago I was blessed to be the mother to one of the most amazing little boys I know. Bryce is my joy. He jumps, scratches, spits and believes he is a ninja master. I have a newfound love for TMNT and Pokemon. And although I am literally afraid for any of my children to enter this world I will ensure they are equipped with the tools they need and most importantly they feel LOVED.Please forgive me for the long comment being a mom is so rewarding. I learn something new from them all the time.

Ann 1 year ago

I have 3 boys, ages 14, almost 12 and 10. And I’m sitting at my desk at work in tears from laughing so hard. This post is so true!! Thank you for walk down “toddler lane” and emphasizing how incredibly wonderful it is to share the motherhood of sons! LOVED IT!!

Catriona Crombie Gayraud 1 year ago

I have just read this post and both me and my husband are crying with laughter at my favourite quote of ALL TIME “STOP WRAPPING YOUR PENIS AROUND YOUR FORK”!!!! Genius! So so funny – thank you!

Katy 1 year ago

You forgot to mention the perpetually dirty walls! They climb them with dirty hands and feet and you need to paint the house every year as it won’t wash off!

Gail Pippin 1 year ago

Laughed myself sick 1) Bath time. My son used to shower until the water ran cold, then come out still reeking of that lboy funk. I can only imagine what he was doing in there. Which leads me to 10) Penis Son adored my sister’s best friend, who was a Pediatric nurse. Due to his sensitive skin, rather than towel dry him, I’d let him “streak” through the house. One evening, Judy was there, so he crawled onto her lap to snuggle. She flipped a blanket over him, whereupon we all continued our conversation. We all noticed that my son was scratching himself, (see previous on sensitive skin), so Judy flipped blanket back to check – and he wasn’t scratching. Judy screamed, & jumped up, dumping my son off her lap. Still funny 35 years later. 7) Food – Came home from work one day, planning to broil a 2# London Broil for dinner for son, my mom & me to share. Broiler pan was sitting, abandoned, on stove top, steak was gone. When asked, Michael admitted he’d been a “little hungry” when he got home from school (he was 15). So, yeah, we ate sandwiches for dinner that night. 4) Safety. Mike decided to show off doing a wall climb at a a rib burn-off where I was volunteering. Long story short, fell 30 feet straight down (cops measured). Ended up with 2 lightly sprained ankles, 7 stitches in his hand (broken glass at bottom) and a lunch plate-sized deep “road rash” on his back. He was 12, then. Mommies, you WILL survive all this stuff. Sorry this is so long, but had to share with women who understand

Caroline 1 year ago

I grew up in a family of girls, so when I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I was terrified and went out and bought all the books on parenting boys I can find in the bookstore. But no books prepare you for the whirlwind that boys bring to the home. I now have two teenage boys and it’s been an immensely life changing and eye-opening experience. One that has been very difficult (those temper out bursts that only testosterone can bring, and those doors I have to replace because of them falling off the hinges or having holes through them….) but one I wouldn’t change for anything. Nothing can compare to the love boys give their mom.
I love this blog because everything is true.
There is no need to worry about whether they are clean or not after the bath, because for one, most of the bath water is on the floor and you can’t tell what colour the water is, and secondly, they require a cleaning about 5 minutes later already.
Anyhow, getting downright grubby and dirty means they are having fun OUTDOORS, and that is a good thing. My boys have built up enough immunity from all the dirty nails and the “if it’s less than 30 sec on the floor, it’s clean” rule, that they now never get seriously sick. Just the rare odd sniffle that can be easily fixed with a glass of lemonade.
I laughed so hard at the grocery bill. I once fully stocked up the fridge, seriously FULLY stocked it to bursting, expecting to not have to worry about shopping for the rest of the week. You can imagine my shock when I opened it two days later and it was empty! They were active and hungry….what can I say? Head out the door and buy some more….
I do have one thing to add to the 10. When you have more than one boy in the house, everything is about competition. Who gets the best seat, who sits closest to mommy, who farts the loudest or longest, who gets the remote, who eats the most, who can put more in their mouths, who remembers the movie lines better, who knows more songs….. The only thing they don’t compare is who finishes their homework first!
I love them. If I have to have it all again, would I swap them for girls? Never! Not even the grey hairs would make me change any little bit, difficult or not.

fee 1 year ago

Very good – you’ve got boys nailed.
I particularly liked the last one. My father in law didn’t give me many words of wisdom when he was alive (or dead for that matter!) but he did warn me of the willy obsession. In fact he said ‘your boys will play with it at any opportunity until they are old enough to find someone else to play with it for them’. Brilliant.

I have three gorgeous boys and despite being desperate for a girl I adore their boyishness.
fee

Gail 1 year ago

OMW = Oh My Word

Alison 1 year ago

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is absolutely brilliant! I have one son aged 5 and a daughter aged 3..My one little boy is all those things!!! and YES boys are way more dramatic! The world ends when you say ‘wash yourself now’ or ‘time for bed’ or basically any instruction that interferes with play/mess time. Although he is slowly rubbing off on little sister and making her do a lot of the boy things like wrestling and seeing who can spit the farthest..I love my kiddies to bits, but am glad I have one of each, don’t think I would still be sane if I had 3 or 4 running around!LOL! So hats off to all the moms of 2 or more boys or girls!

M.L.S. 1 year ago

I have two girls and a boy. Honestly most of these things apply to girls as well. They don’t play with their penis but other than that… it’s pretty much the same thing. My girls are girly and love make up and dress up, but you best believe if they see s frog or worm it’s going to be snuck in my house. And one has literally stated stripping naked in Apple bees and get favorite past time is booger eating& picking! It’s a very cute post and totally true but not just for boys.

Amy 1 year ago

I have 3 boys and from what you have written it feels like you have been spying in my home :) so good to know my three terrors are the “normal” thanks for the laughs

Geraldine 1 year ago

Men AND women use the toilet seat down… only men use it up.. unless I’m missing something, in which case law of averages (and common courtesy) dictates that men and boys should put the seat sown when they’re finished their no.1!

Julie 1 year ago

As the baby of 3 children (2 older brothers & myself) & a biological mother of one 8 yr old boy & a stepmother to 14 yr old (he’s been my stepson since he was 8 months old), I can totally related to this blog. My biggest pet peeve is that I know the sound of when the toilet is being missed & it hits the floor, my living room cannot stay clean for more than 6 hours, my youngest cannot control his humor of a good fart, my 14 yr old cannot help his hormones from taking control, my 8 yr old cannot stop referring, touching or even laughing at the word, “penis” & the smell that radiates from my children when they are in the same room is almost unbearable. But I wouldn’t change them for anything. They are the most helpful, loving & hilarious children I have encountered. They are so open minded & so willing to make me happy as a mom. They know I hate “Fart Competitions” but they have manners & know when it’s appropriate. I wouldn’t change them for the world.

Cindee 1 year ago

Oops…. that comment belongs elsewhere. I meant to say that I think OMW means Oh My Word.

Cindee 1 year ago

I mostly agree with this post however, I have 3 boys and 3 girls and the boys are WAAAY less dramatic.

Tammy 1 year ago

I am a Mum of three boys (12, 9 & 7) and we linked the toilet cleaning to screen time – ie you can play the Minecraft or Wii only when the toilets are clean! Not a 100% perfect solution – but satisfying that I don’t have to clean them. And we’ve been doing this for three years – it’s amazing what those little ones can do with the right motivation.

Tandy | Lavender and Lime 1 year ago

eventually, after much cajoling about showering and changing clothes and brushing teeth and eating enough food to feed an army and falling out of trees, off roofs and off motorbikes, they grow up! That is the best part of being a mother to a boy :)

Mat 1 year ago

Haha awesome

Lisa Klassen 1 year ago

I grew up with 6 brothers and I also have 4 boys of my own (all under the age of 6) and I find all 10 of these to be true. My youngest is only 4 months but the other 3 are very active! My oldest loves “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is almost constantly learning some kind of martial arts move. My 3yr old is a teaser (he loves to get his brothers mad or make them cry). My 2yr old also likes to tease and fight.

Nicole 1 year ago

I have twin 3 year old boys and this is so true. I especially love the part about drama. My boys have been dramatic from birth. At 1 year old we were frequently referring to them as our little drama kings. The stripping has been going on since they could stand to take their clothes off. Its nothing for us to be sitting in the den and see a naked body or 2 coming running down the hallway lol. I wouldn’t change any of it though. Its certainly never boring ha ha :)

Laura 1 year ago

I couldn’t stop laughing at this because it is SOOOO VERY TRUE!!! And TIMES 9 in our home!!!!!! (10 if you include daddy!!!) We only have 1 girl, but with 9 brothers (who try their damnedest to get her to be a tomboy!)… I think that I’d go crazy without her in my life. I’ve often threatened to build a little cottage in the back of our house for my daughter and I, and put up a sign that says “NO BOYS ALLOWED!!!” Averleigh and I have decided to call our dream cottage, OUR “time out” place. 😉 lol
But you’ve got to love the wild ride that our sons take us on. I’m just surprised that I haven’t died of a heart attack… yet!! (And believe me… they have given me PLENTY of opportunities to keel over!!! I’m starting to think that we just need to rent a room at the hospital! lol)

Lk marrs 1 year ago

It’s all true. Parenting boys is not for the weak. We haven’t even begun to discuss the “dead smelly things” that manifest in their room, they all start stinking at around 10 and the scary things they bring from out of doors. I used to pause the wash cycle to scoop the dead things that came of of our youngest son’s pockets. We raised every kind of bug, reptile and rodents (cause boys don’t plea for pink fuzzy kittens).

Lk marrs 1 year ago

Perfect advice on all 10 points. My two “boys” are in their mid 20’s and still leave the seat up, cannot exchange a toilet paper roll, love flatus or any kind of gastric noise, visit with their faces in either the pantry or refrigerator, move their, ahem, body parts without consideration for present company (it must really itch down there), hopefully gave up the bugger thing, live the drama of young people and I would not trade my life with them for anything. Boys are awesome.

maylynn chartrand 1 year ago

(what does OMW mean?)

maylynn chartrand 1 year ago

With 4 girls and now a new baby boy … I am blown away by this article and all the commentary! I wannna reply to everybody almost…ha …. with gratitude for their precious insight. I am baffled by some of the similarities between boys and girls tho’. I’m with Jen if it means I’ll be dry, because when I sit on any’one else’s pee I turn into ‘one scarey Mommy’. it sounds like it’s all fun and games raising boys. With girls, in my experience (the eldest is 25 and the Youngest is 5) it seems sweeter, softer, gentler is not all girls can be! My Son! I am gonna need alot of humour and insight to keep my sanity through this one ….(lmfao)…. on the subject of boys and their pee-pee’s and having their hands on it …. could it be why my lil guy cries when has to pee….. he can’t get his hands on it. So the diaper impedes this ‘natural reflex/instinct’?

Alison O’Quin 1 year ago

You realise Entomology is the study of insects right?

Miquel 1 year ago

I love this. I am a mother of five boys. They range in age from 6 months to 10 years old. Everything written in here is so true. I would add that in addition to band aids, make sure you have a great insurance plan because heaven knows you are going to visit the Dr, ER, or urgent care at least once a month, depending on how many boys you have. We just ended up at the Dr tonight with a concussion! It never fails, trust me!

maylynn chartrand 1 year ago

My son is two months old and He already makes Me blush! ( with the farting I mean…lol)

Lauren 1 year ago

It’s been a while since i last read a blog post that made me laugh so much because I completely connected with everything. I’m so glad I came across your post…I don’t feel zany anymore :)

Stephanie Tsai 1 year ago

So so helpful. With a toddler I’m only starting to learn about these things. Kudos to you for raising MULTIPLE boys. You are my hero.

maylynn chartrand 1 year ago

Wow!! I am glad I stumbled upon this one!! …. I am surely gonna need alot of insight for I just had my fifth child. a boy ….

Ellen 1 year ago

I grew up with 3 older brothers – no sisters – so I thought I knew boys pretty well before embarking on parenthood.
After my two sons went to college, I raised 5 puppies over 5 years to be guide dogs for the blind. Your reminders of life with boys was like made me realise that raising sons was great training and preparation for raising dogs! You brought to mind such hilarious memories! I am STILL laughing about the tallywhacker around the fork!

Candace 1 year ago

Two boys (three, if you count my husband/their dad). One day, when they move out and I have exhausted all of my tears, I’m going to just sit on the toilet seat ALL DAY LONG and luxuriate in the fact that there is no pee on the seat. I will not have to buy Lysol wipes for the side of the damned cabinet beside my toilet, because apparently, one of my boys has stream like a fire hydrant. I will also not walk by their rooms going “WHAT IS THAT SMELL?”.

But my oldest will be a high school senior in two short weeks, and I’m almost missing pulling my hair out. Almost.

Jessica Rahn 1 year ago

I LOVED this! I have 3 boys ages 8, 6, and 15 mos…just found out I am pregnant again..but won’t know for sure if it’s baby boy #4 until August or so….but as I tell all my family and friends, ” look at my track record” lol. I am not looking forward to the teenage years either….I seriously go to the store almost every other night because we run out of everything (milk the most & i buy 4 gallons at a time) all the time! Good luck to all the mommas of boys! Some days I wonder if my sanity can take it 😉

carrie 1 year ago

Thanks, one of the better written blogs I’ve seen! Funny!

Sheena Dee 1 year ago

This is hilarious and sooooo true!!!

Janet 1 year ago

LOL – awesome – I do NOT find farts funny!!! My 6 sons thought THAT was hilarious!! and still do …..this entire blog post is sooooo true! 7th kid is a girl who can burp with the best of them … all are grown and on their own and the best of friends! I learned to use Polyfilla and they learned to do toilets – s’all good! Now I have 2 grandsons and yay!! 1 granddaughter – I love being part of the grandma club!

Stacey 1 year ago

Oh so true! You hit the nail on the head with everything! So many things we never stop to think about. Thanks for the laugh and the confirmation that it IS like this in other households besides mine!

Nikki 1 year ago

Thanks for a great post! I have twin boys that have just turned 1 and i’ve been absolutely shocked by the amount of mischief they are already getting themselves into. This post certainly opened my eyes for what to expect in the near future :) But I wouldn’t change them for a girl anyday!!

Mary Harris 1 year ago

I have 4 boys too! The last one brought along a twin sister just for fun. Crazy times but I wouldn’t change a thing.

Sarah 1 year ago

I think 4 & 9 are often combined in our house!

Stef Rutledge 1 year ago

Number 10 is HILARIOUS

Sue 1 year ago

Don’t bathe 4 boys together … separate baths!? You clearly don’t have kids.

Leslie 1 year ago

LOVE this post! As the mama to 3 boys, followed by 3 girls…we went from testosterone zone to emotion zone! But the boys were so much fun!!! I have loved all of them, but there was something especially fun about those fellas! Hang in there! (And yes, now I am loving the girl years, too!)

Brandi 1 year ago

I laughed all the way through. I have one boy and three girls. Everything you wrote above is truth! The drama, the daredevil side of them, the “junk” (as my son calls it) grabbing. Boys are exhausting but so much fun!

Stephanie 1 year ago

In my house we all put the lid down. In all fairness it looks neater. Women and girls can learn to close it too. It’s a hard habit to learn. My husband put the lid down. Therefore I learned to put the lid down. So have my girls. My boy is young and he will learn also.

Jean 1 year ago

So true – all of it! I have two boys – 8 and 6. And it’s ALLLLLLLLL true!

Carol Barnett Thomas 1 year ago

Loved the article!! Cracked me up!!! But as a mom of one boy and one girl, I beg to differ, my girl has done all but number 10!!!!

Jodie 1 year ago

I have two boys and one girl…and I agree with all, except the drama comment. Yes boys can be dramatic…but they also get over it really quickly. Where as my daughter would still be brooding two days later!! That right there is the drama difference between boys and girls!!
Funny read. Throughly enjoyed it.

Andrew 1 year ago

Love the one where your son ate something with pee in it. Our son had a French fry from a restaurant floor with a shoe print on it!!

Wilma Bull 1 year ago

I have four grown sons they are GENTLE MEN!! I have experienced all of the above LOVED every experience we had. I would not trade these experiences of sons for daughters girls are whinny, pouty, picky, and not easy to please plus many other charateristices that are similar. I Prefer getting daughter’s (in laws) they are already grown but still get pouty, picky and whinny. But most times I can toloerate that behavior (to a point) These rowdy sons were always looking out for Mom and still do to this day!!!I love those BIG HUGS FROM THOSE BIG GENTEL MEN!! They all have sons except one he has 2 daughters, and these daughters have 4 girls and l boy ( he makes grandma smile)!!!!

Wilma Bull 1 year ago

I have four grown sons they are GENTLE MEN!! I have experienced all of the above LOVED every experience we had. I would not trade these experiences of sons for daughters girls are whinny, pouty, picky, and not easy to please plus many other charateristices that are similar. I Prefer getting daughter’s (in laws) they are already grown but still get pouty, picky and whinny. But most times I can toloerate that behavior (to a point) These rowdy sons were always looking out for Mom and still do to this day!!!I love those BIG HUGS FROM THOSE BIG GENTEL MEN!!

Marcy 1 year ago

This about sums up my life with my son, wow and you do it with more than one?? Kudos and thanks for making me look at the continuous mess around me with a wry smile, I think I will go hunt down my naked 5 year old (who is currently only wearing his crocs) and give him a big hug and tell him he is pretty cool.

Laura Bailey 1 year ago

Ha! You don’t need to have a son to do all these important things – you just need a HUSBAND! :)

Melissa Eskharia 1 year ago

Seriously so funny I cried. This is my 3 boys…. especially 9 & 10.

Heather Briatico 1 year ago

I have five boys. I no longer feel alone

Tammy Chapman 1 year ago

This is hilarious. I’m so glad I only had to deal with girls. The fork thing made me my Lmao. I found a way to ma.ke EVERYONE put the lid down. First you put up a sign then you make sure theIr toothbrushes are kept on the counter In a cup near the toilet. Then you tell them that if they flush with the seat up the water will make a very fine spray in the air and get on their toothbrushes. It worked at my house. I’ll say a little prayer for everyone that it will work at yours. Just ask them: “Do you want pee spray or poop spray on your toothbrushes??” By the way this is a scientifically proven fact. Good luck everyone. :-)

Amy F 1 year ago

omg I feel you live in my house. I have 7 children and 5 are boys. I see more messes, drama and naked rear ends than I like. I keep telling myself it will not always be this way. I thank you for the laughs. I am glad someone out there feels me

Sandra G 1 year ago

The grocery bills, I’ve heard people say oh my daughter eats a lot, but boys are a never ending garbage disposal. I also have 4 boys and have heard numerous times about how the boys will be cheaper because they don’t care about clothes/shoes/makeup etc. I say I pay anything saved by that out in groceries.

Cindy Do 1 year ago

On the money fml

Shelly Crowder Gosnell 1 year ago

this is the best website on the internet! pure truth, no judgement. moms can talk about the realities of motherhood without being called a terrible parent because there is sooooo much stuff that happens while raising kids .

Amanda 1 year ago

The first time my oldest found his jewels was hilarious. He found them, and squeezed!!!!!!!! Poor little nutcase is just like his daddy.

Nikki 1 year ago

So hilarious! I have a 5 year old and an 18 month old, so I’m starting to get used to each and every single one of these. I can’t even count on one hand how many times a day I utter, “Boys are so gross.” Because they are!!! As for #10 my rule is not while I’m in the room. I tell both of my boys play with it all you want, just wait until I’m out of the room. :)

J 1 year ago

I’m not even a mom yet, but your article was HYSTERICAL! I can attribute some of those traits to my grown boyfriend, especially #10. You seem like such a cool mom. GREAT writing. I’m glad I stumbled on your article. :-)

Jennifer L.W. Fink (@jlwf) 1 year ago

LOVE this! I kept nodding my head in agreement. Will be sharing on BuildingBoys next week.

Lieren 1 year ago

Oh thank you, thank you for this post!! I needed to read this and have a really good laugh today. I’ve got three boys, ages 5, ,3, and 2, and no girls. It is crazy and I sometimes want to rip my hair out. But then there are moments everyday that are just awesome. I wouldn’t trade them for anything! Thanks again for the good laugh! And, I loved the pictures of your boys, they are darling.

Fiamma 1 year ago

These are hilarious

#5 I hear it all the time and I am like, “I am sorry, did you not just miss that boy over there having a hissy fit??” But I have to say, boys and girls do whine differently, but they both can have that piercing your soul screech with high pitches of woe.

#7 – TRUTH!!!! Our son eats blueberries like I own a farm.

As for #10, Girls do it too so that one gets a pass. I did teach my son to say Penis though :)

Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense 1 year ago

This is awesome. I will say one thing, though – I have a boy and a girl, and I’m pretty sure my girl loves farting and burping even more than my boy does. Although, he IS the one who taught her how! 😉

TN 1 year ago

This was too funny!!! And so true!! I only have one…and don’t know how I would manage more than one.

Carie 1 year ago

I went through two kleenexes reading this post because it made me laugh so hard. We have 7 boys, and I am here to testify that every single thing you listed is absolutely true.

Rae 1 year ago

So sad when moms keep pumping out boys until they get a girl, or give up. The boys will realise this when they get older, especially the younger ones. “She really wanted me to be a girl”. “I wouldnt be here if my older brother had been a girl”. Sad.

Denisse 1 year ago

I hope this is true, because it made me feel so much better about it all. When you mentioned the chewed up gum stuck under the tables of restaurants, but especially that peed on candy! OMG I feel like i have a witness that it does happen haha Mother of 4 boys and two of those twin 16 month olds. Will read more of these for a boost on motherhood in the boy world lol

monkia 1 year ago

yep i have 3 boys and yes broken bones think they are heroes such as Spider man or Superman, drive bikes down the stairs slam fingers in doors, fight wrestle and think that rabbit poop is marbles

Jolee Molitor 1 year ago

OMG! So funny and completely true on all accounts! I have two boys. Thanks for telling it like it truly is – we can keep trying but some things are just all “boy”. Farts – “Mom, was that you or the ketchup bottle” – just gotta laugh. Food – we had a big dinner, then baseball, then came home and had a “bedtime snack” – three pop tarts, two bananas, a bowl of cereal, some cheese and crackers and two glasses of milk!

Lori 1 year ago

I have two girls, 3 and 5 but they are so similar to boys!!! HAHAHA the toilet paper being left in weird places, my girls do that all the time!!! And they eat all the time too!!! And they are naked quite a bit too LOL. Maybe someday I will get a boy but I’m not holding my breath!

Kay S 1 year ago

Loved this! My boys are now 16 and 22 (graduating from college this weekend!), and I have to say that everything you wrote is true! Boys are wild and so much fun! I have to agree with someone else who said that boys are cuddly and love their moms. Mine have always wanted me when they were hurt, sick or needed to talk. My 22 yo still calls me when he’s having troubles or when he just feels like talking about life. Enjoy every crazy stage of raising your boys because they will be young men before you know it (and you will love that stage too!)

Donna 1 year ago

If I was a better writer, my 4 boys would’ve thought I wrote this. Mine are all grown now (22yo to 32yo) and I laughed till I cried, because I realize that I miss those days.Thanks for the helping me to remember the best days of my life! I have two admissions: yes, I always dreamed of having a girl…finally was presented with a granddaughter and it is WONDERFUL, and yes, there were times when I wanted to run away. haha

Chris 1 year ago

MEH….Let them fart in church, too…my now 6 year old son did – right in the middle of prayer during Christmas Eve midnight service – and announced it to the whole congregation! Was I mortified? For about 2 seconds – until I looked up at our minister trying to stifle his laughter.

<3

Eikha 1 year ago

I am a mom of three boys and I agree with every single point! HAHA! I congratulate myself every night for keeping my sanity intact, especially after all the stunts they pull all day (my number 2, 2 years old is a real daredevil). But love the sweethearts anyways!

Bridget Smith 1 year ago

SOoooooooo spot on with this blog!! Twin 7 year old boys (lots of drama!!!) :-)

Adrienne Mannix 1 year ago

Thats too funny!!

Nicole 1 year ago

OMG, this was one of the funniest blogs I have read, and so very true! I am the mother of 3 boys and I can relate to every single point!!!

Diana 1 year ago

I am the mother of 6 boys (men). Let me tell you I have been thru all this with mine from the oldest who is 31 to the youngest who is 11. It hasn’t always been fun but it definetly has been interesting to say the least. Probably my biggest warning to new mothers of boys is. .. They are slobs (she says with a smile), no matter what you do, they just are.

On a good note, my boys are having children of their own and I am now being blessed with all granddaughter so far. (evil grin) I think that this has to be pay back to them for what I have lived thru all these years.

Emily 1 year ago

I laughed out loud through this entire article because I seriously could have written it. I have three little boys of my own and you nailed it! Thanks for the laugh (or 20).

kat 1 year ago

I agree with all but the the dramatic one. Boys are less dramatic than girls. I can have a house full of boys all day and only have to stop one fight. But if i have just two girls in my house I will be constantly pulling girls the girls apart and saying play nice or not at all, or anything along those lines. Hell spending day with just one girl makes my head feel like exploding because they throw fits about everything. Boys are just crazy balls of dirt lol.

Pamela 1 year ago

I am the mother of three grown boys the oldest is 26, the middle one is about to be 25, and my youngest is 21. I remember all of this happening at my house! I even began catching creepy crawlies to show them! My sister had girls and she would always comment “Why do your boys always fight?” I would reply, because their boys, she would say “My girls never do this or that” I would say, its different when you have boys. Then she started having grandchildren….the first 3 were all boys! When her grandsons were about 2,3, and 4, she finally told me that she understands what I meant by raising boys is different! I finally have a grandchild, (2 years old now) and wouldn’t you know it! It was another BOY! I would love to have a granddaughter someday, but I sure am proud of all my Boys! You just can’t beat a momma’s boy!

Ginger Davila 1 year ago

Says the person who stands most of the time. Try trotting to the bathroom in the middle of dark-thirty dodging legos and plastic dinosaurs and walls to get to the bathroom and having to pee so bad because you’re carrying baby boy number 5 and your bladder i shot to heck…only to sit down and find yourself not only with a totally COLD and wet bum but you’re also stuck like a turtle until you can wake your comatose hubby to come rescue you….yeah fun times! It’s actually pretty easy to ‘drop’ a seat rather than to have the attitude that ‘I need it up therefore deal with it’ lolololol

Having been through that so often, my boys (3 grown and on their own) know that putting the seat down is beneficial to a happy wife who doesn’t leave the car seat so far forward that he has to cram himself n knees to throat and readjust every mirror and radio station before he goes to work- not once did I do that with the attitude that I am short, listen to better music therefore he can change it all back himself….. oh now I know what I was getting at with my ramblings- it’s called consideration… LOL….

Joanna 1 year ago

Hahaha! YES! The shower!! I could take a bath in the water left on the bathroom floor after my 15 year old showers!

Joanna 1 year ago

Two boys here. Well, one teenage boy, and one boy on the way (BIG age gap, going to be interesting starting all over), and the only thing I would add to this would be an addendum to #9 that reads “the amount of pairs of jeans bought prior to the age of ten is directly proportional to the amount of pairs of shoes you will buy AFTER the age of ten.” My 15 year old, who at around 9 or 10 found his love of extreme sports, has run the gamut of scootering, skateboarding, BMXing, MotoXing, 4-wheeling, and bridge jumping into the ocean, manages to ruin more shoes in a year than I’ve bought myself since the day he was born. Who needs breaks on a BMX when you can just stick your foot in your back tire and stop that way? *sigh*

This was spot on though, and made me cringe remembering all the fun I’m going to be going through again, 15 years later, haha!

Rosemary 1 year ago

The debate over the toilet seat is always a good one! I personally believe if a man wishes to touch the toilet seat to put it up, then he needs to put it down because I personally don’t want to touch it! When I was raising boys, I taught them the difference between a toilet and a urinal, they are different and peeing standing up into a toilet puts urine all over the toilet, and surrounding walls. Just because you can pee standing up easily, doesn’t’ mean you have to to avoid becoming emasculated!

Mahi 1 year ago

This is story of my life except that I have only one 4 year old.
Pee pee and poo poo are his fav. Words nowadays :).

Brigetta 1 year ago

Oh how I loved this piece. I have 4 boys – 14, 13, 9 & 5. They eat my money. I’m convinced of it because I grocery shop and the cabinets and fridge are EMPTY within moments. The booger wiping kills me though- so glad I’m not alone in that. xo

JanetFCTC 1 year ago

Six kids here- FIVE of them boys. You think they eat NOW? Wait till they hit their teens. And the drama intensifies then too lol

Jen Wiegele 1 year ago

We have SIX boys In our house amd I actually prefer that they leave the seat up- both of them. Some of the boys are apparently too exhausted from playing and can’t even lift the seat up to pee. This results in lots of errant dribbles and a wet posterior when mommy needs to use the potty. I’ll put it down myself if it means it will be dry!

Preethi 1 year ago

Number 10 is a given! ALL THE TIME! Its second nature to keep saying..
“Brush your teeth sweetie, TAKE THAT HAND OFF YOUR PEE PEE”
“Eat your breakfast, TAKE THAT HAND OFF YOUR PEE PEE ”
“Pick up that toy please, TAKE THAT HAND OFF YOUR PEE PEE”
“….,TAKE THAT HAND OFF YOUR PEE PEE”
“….,TAKE THAT HAND OFF YOUR PEE PEE”
My almost one year old hears me saying it soo often to his brother that he’s going to think that’s his name!

Janet 1 year ago

Oh, I love my boys. My husband and I each have an 8 year old from a previous marriage. My son stopped smelling sweet last year, even after his shower! I’ve had him get back in to rinse his hair, so I KNOW he washed it and still the damp dog smell remains.
And the farts! I actually had to check his bottom the other night when he was sleeping. I though he had a ‘productive’ fart in his sleep, his room smelled so awful. Nope! just gas.
And all 55 pounds of him eats more than any other person in our house. He has a regular breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. Then one hour later asks for his ‘second breakfast’ of yogurt and granola. Then lunch, sandwich and homemade soup, then ‘second lunch’ at 3 of same. Regular dinner with the family, then second dinner of seconds about an hour before bed.
It is astounding how much food one little lad can consume. He rarely wants junk food or sweets, either. He has to eat a whole food, gluten free diet as he has celiac disease, so our food bill for just him is astronomical. I wonder about when he is a teenager. I remember my older brothers eating so much!

Thanks for a great article!

DJ 1 year ago

I have 6 little boys aged 10 to 3 1/2. The youngest one is autistic. This list sounds exactly like my boys. They are such a handful, but they can also be the most loving. I w

Bill 1 year ago

Sex is determined by the male. nothing to do with your uterus.

Glen 1 year ago

I have a 3 year old boy. I agree with a lot of these, but personally he has never had a problem with nudity…never really tries to take his clothes off at all. And the thing about the wiener, maybe a bit at bath time, but no real obsession with it.

Theresa 1 year ago

Yes yes! And there’s more. Please make a list for preteens and teenagers. I was just having an argument with someone at work monday about raising girls vs boys, she and a childless friend must read this.

Krista Cooper 1 year ago

I have 5. 3 still at home. Twins 15 and one 14. All of this is still true in my life. Only they eat soooo soooo much more. And they are literally already eating their second plate FULL before you have even finnished fixing your first! They can down a 20 Oz drink in one seriously ONE swallow. They are bigger. They are louder….normal walking is a constant stomping. You can hear the punches from across the house. And Im telling you….I think when they shower they stand out side the tub and just aim the water out. Only thing different…..was from the time they were old enough they have been cleaning the toilet. I’m not touch in that mess.

Holly 1 year ago

OMG!! You totally described my boys!! I Laughed so hard reading this every step!! Exactly!!! my boys!!

Jennifer 1 year ago

#10 – I am forever telling my 5 yr old to let go of his “pee-er” as he calls it. It itches, it pokes out of his underwear, blah blah blah. Just please let go of it when you’re running at soccer, and especially tonight at pre-k graduation. Thanks… lol

Mindy @ Road Runner Girl 1 year ago

Oh my goodness I am in tears from laughing so hard while reading this! I have 2 boys and all this is sooo sooo true!!!

Jennifer 1 year ago

My son just turned 5. He’s convinced that he wants to stay in our house forever and marry me when he’s old enough. Then I can be married to both him and Daddy and he’ll never have to move out of the house… I tried telling him that someday he’ll meet a nice girl and want to marry her. He says I’m the nicest girl in the whole world 😉

Tom 1 year ago

Regarding #3, my wife’s rule is that EVERYBODY sits on the toilet, every time. I teach my son that it is okay to stand when we are outside or at a urinal (or at a public restroom), but we both honor my wife at home.

Bonnie Hampel 1 year ago

OMG #4.. I have literally walked out my front door seen what they are doing to trun around walk back in and pretend I didn’t see them swinging out of the tree or any other insane things they do.

Jen Thorne 1 year ago

Four boys and one girl. Let me just prep you for young adult males. Take their current activities and put them into adult size bodies. All my boys have learned to do drywall repair as their living exploits at home have put numerous holes into the walls of varying sizes. Some holes from just rough and tumble play and others from knock down drag out fights. Keep smiling.

Andrea 1 year ago

Only one boy and every.single.one is my life! I’m hysterical laughing over here!

chasity harrington 1 year ago

I remember wondering why my little babies hands always smelt like pee, then one day I caught him, every time I looked away he would be in his diaper. now its just every moment lol

Sue Van Osdel 1 year ago

I remember all too well!

Leanne 1 year ago

this describes my only son down to a T over the years hes almost 10 now , i was prepared for all boy things before i had him , ii had 3 younger brothers and 4 nephews before i had my son so witnessed it all first hand lol

jennifer 1 year ago

Thank you for this :) I have a 6 year old step son who I love to the moon and back. After reading this I have a much better understanding of why he does what he does ..he is a boy!

Michelle Meddings 1 year ago

I should have read this 9 years ago when my first son was born! It explains so many things! It is nice to know that it isn’t me loosing my mind with the same things it sounds like all parents of boys face. Thank you for posting this. Great ideas too..urinal in the bathroom…so doing this!

ericdb 1 year ago

Just for clarification… are we talking about the middle of the toilet that you sit on, or the top lid? 😀

tammi 1 year ago

You are dead on! Laughing so hard… tears are fallin! Thank you!

Jennifer 1 year ago

You hit the nail on the head!! We have 3 boys…14, 13, and 10…and all 10 of the above absolutely apply. But, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because, as they get older, they give the best bear hugs, especially when you need them the most! It’s also been fun watching them grow into young men, even though when they were younger, my husband and I weren’t too sure they’d make it this far! Imagine our surprise when the other day a father of one of our boys’ friends told us the other day that our oldest is turning out to be an awesome young man and that he is just a blast to have around. This warmed our hearts because, believe me, it’s been a long road and that road is far from over!

Kelly 1 year ago

I have 3 sons (2 teens and an 8yr old), as well as my husband– so basically 4 little boys at home. Though I adore the buttheads, this is the most accurate article I’ve ever read. I must share one thing on #8: shop at Sears and sign up for the rewards thing. When they destroy clothes bought there, you take them back, DIRTY AND HOLEY, and they will give you NEW ONES in the same size. No receipt, no BS. Great for hand-me-downs, when you can stretch that one pair for all eternity. I have paid $24 for size 7 Levis and passed them through 3 kids. Score.

JustMe 1 year ago

Why do you think that was done only in the UK??

Hannah 1 year ago

I’ve had to on multiple occasions, after waiting a unreasonable amount of time, to just put my lil guys pamper on with his hands still busy playing with himself. Which of course he finds HILARIOUS! I have to laugh too, lol

Julie 1 year ago

Oh yes, the drama! The DRAMA. To quote my 5yr old boy screaming at me in the garden “WHY ARE YOU DESTROYING MY LIFE!”. My crime? I was too busy hanging out the laundry to go inside and get him a biscuit, and was making him wait for 2 minutes! Food and drama, nudity and toilets, who knew my life would be so enriched?! God bless our boys!

Dana 1 year ago

Thank you for making me laugh! Mom of 4 sons, oldest 27, youngest 15. Although all 10 things in this list ring true #5 is a cold hard fact! Girls do NOT have the market cornered on drama and moodiness!!! lol

One other fact is true, I wouldn’t trade on second of it for the world!! I am a proud mom of 4 boys!!

Emily Maher 1 year ago

Hah, the final one made me cry tears of joy.

Elizabeth 1 year ago

How true this is… After two complete princesses my son is only ten months and already everything you’ve said is spot on. I can’t wait for the next 17 or so years… or can I?! Thanks for the read.

Mum of three 1 year ago

Yes my son has done most of these things, but so have my two girls especially the no clothes and bath splashing. I also have four brothers and one sister how were equally likely to do most of those things on the list.
After my son got concussion I spoke to him and my daughter about what to do next time they both tried to go on the ride on together so no one ended up in A and E, I rather stupidly expected a we should take turns mummy, nope the answer I got was wear helmets so whoever looses the battle doesn’t get concussion. 😉

Samantha 1 year ago

I screamed, kicked, cried, and cursed the gods when I found out I was pregnant! Doesn’t mean I don’t love my son, he changed my life, for the better. but I was…very…upset when I found out uf!

Louise 1 year ago

My husband and I have SEVEN boys…and two girls. Thankfully, there are only 4 left at home but 3 of those are teens. The youngest is now 8. You didn’t mention the incredibly stinky feet. And you haven’t begun to live until you ride with a newly licensed teen boy behind the steering wheel of a vehicle because that’s when you realize just how much you value your life. However, my boys still at home didn’t come from my body. I choose them through adoption so I have no one to blame but myself. But it’s a blame I gladly accept and am very thankful for. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Samantha 1 year ago

I live in a house with 7 men and my 3 year old son. I don’t understand the big deal with the toilet seat, yes, I have fell into several toilets. At home when I go the bathroom, I drop the lid and when I am done I put the lid back up! No problems! Being that I am the only female, I don’t think I have the “right” to ask 8 people to put the seat down, I will just do it myself!

Jennifer 1 year ago

Kid thing.

Jennifer 1 year ago

Yep. “Boy moms” love to keep in stilling the sexism though.

Jennifer 1 year ago

The problem with posts like these “moms of boys” ones is that it’s really just veiled sexism. You reinforce that boys are loud, messy, unruly, throw your hands up and say “oh well! Boys will be boys!” Girls are held to much higher standards and repressed and expected to be little china dolls. They’re NOT. By any stretch of the imagination. Then a girl acts normal and everyone gasps that something must be wrong with her. And all the gender stereotypes are enforced on the poor girl who can’t just be a freaking kid. This is the beginning of sexism and it’s so ingrained in your heads that you can’t see it.
These are kid behaviors. Please stop insisting that “boy moms” have everything soooo much harder because…boys. It’s absolutely ridiculous and so untrue. Please stop persisting this garbage.

Mel 1 year ago

I must say – all of these things apply to my daughter much more than they do to my son. Maybe I just create rowdy, boistrous, children.

Katie Davis 1 year ago

Oh my. Haven’t gotten to the naked stage yet, but I’m sure it’ll be amazing.

Al 1 year ago

Not forgetting No.11 – make a mental map of the quickest way to the Children’s Hospital. You will need it, often.

Gen 1 year ago

Me too Tonya. I have six brothers and I told the nurse “I have enough boys in my life”

Don’t judge, Jennifer. We feel what we feel and there is nothing wrong with admitting it. I would tell my son I wanted a girl – and then I would tell him how wrong I was. He is perfect and I love him. I wouldn’t even know what to do with a girl. My six brothers have taught me how to be a great with boys.

Dianne 1 year ago

Five boys here. I grew up in a house full of girls, and couldn’t understand why my aunt, who had four ginormous boys, used to keep food locked in her room. Now I understand. :-) And getting them ready for school? Oy.

But don’t forget the best part. There is nothing on earth that can give a bear hug like a teenage boy.

Jennifer 1 year ago

Agreed. I get so freaking angry when I see drivel like this. Reinforcing sexism daily.

Jennifer 1 year ago

Sexism. Sexism. Sexism. Don’t confuse individual (sounds like forced stereotype behavior) define all genders.

sue smith 1 year ago

And the cuddles do not stop when they grow. My 22 yr old son loves his momma, hugs me often, and is my “protector” or so he thinks. He was quite the dare devil, still is, and finally to keep my sanity I had to say “God he is in your hands” and look away. Tank God he kept him safe and strong. Love my daughter, different kind of bond though.

Angela Richardson 1 year ago

Wow, could not of said it any better! Although becoming to relaxed with their crazy mischievous behavior can result in a new saying within the home. “It’s all fun and games until someone loses a finger! ” Literally my 6 yr old thought it would be fun to play Ninja with the window blind cord and amputated his right dominant index finger to the first knuckle! He’s doing great with his lucky (they couldn’t reattach) and reassures me he’ll make sure it’s his thumb next time…… Ugh, boys!

Fiona 1 year ago

Fantastic – Thank you. I have just the two (aged 8 and 9) and I feel much better having read your blog. The nakedness, the ‘I have the worst life ever!’ (because I’d not noticed the chocolate cookies had all gone), the toilet paper strewn around, the climbing on EVERYTHING… The farts, the fights, the giggles and willies. The everything. And I love them to bits. I’m trying to enjoy this little window before they get really smelly and their minds get pre-occupied with girls and socks and apple pies 😉

BJT 1 year ago

Given that there are 4 boys to one mum, it would be more considerate to leave the seat up, as the next person to use the loo is most likely to be male…

Juleee 1 year ago

ROFL at all of these great “memories”. Mine are 18 and 20 and even now when the older one visits the first thing he does when he sees his brother is put him in a headlock and try to take him down. We had to learn how to repair drywall because there was always a knee, or elbow or head going through a wall somewhere. Be prepared.

If your only pee problem is the dirty toilet feel lucky. Mine use to go to the bathroom together until I found them in there first having a PEE FIGHT, yes that’s right. After I yelled at them about throwing pee all over the bathroom they took their pee fight to the bathtub. Yep that’s right too. Feel very lucky.

On your food issue don’t let them be picky, make them eat whatever you have available, trust me it makes it easier later on. We bought whatever was on sale, discount or coupon’d snack food we could buy. And just a note for future reference those family packs of El Monterrey burritos are a single serving to a teen boy. My son says you can stack them like a pyramid and wrap them in a paper towel in the microwave for quicker heating. Pretzels can be an easy and fairly healthy snack too. Plus the stick ones are also entertaining to them.

As they age you will learn a few other things like: you must view everything as a how it can be used as a weapon. There are common household items I never bought because I remember how my older brother tortured me with it. I also never let my son have a bb gun, I figured his brother didn’t need to be shot. Like I was. Everything we gave them came with the explicit instructions of DON’T SHOOT YOUR BROTHER. Well not everything, airsoft: one of the few toys they can use to hurt each other without needing a trip to the hospital or Home Depot afterwards.

You might even learn that sometimes there is no way around BO. My oldest is thin as a rail, but since hitting puberty he has had a battle with BO. He can come out of the shower spelling like a rose but 10 minutes later stink like a boy’s locker room. My other son didn’t have that much of a problem, but was born with smelly feet. Oh and if you live in a warm place there’s a whole other medical issue that its best to let dad talk to him about. Just buy a bottle of Gold Bond, some new underwear and leave them to be.

Boys are in general a whole lot of crazy to handle but they are never dull.

Avril 1 year ago

4 boys here and as a ‘reward’ my 5th was a girl.
They are all grown now and I am grandma to … you’ve guessed it… a boy.

Everything you write above is true (buy shares in a grocery chain is my advice), however I looked forward to being a girly mom again after having my only girl. Forget it – she was the worst tomboy on the planet and had 1 dad and 4 ‘fathers’ which she did/does not appreciate. I can tell you tales about boyfriends being brought home and being chased away, yes really.

Dane 1 year ago

You need it down; put it down. Men need it up; they put it up. It’s really pretty simple.

Sarah 1 year ago

Only just found your blog and it is amazing. I only have 2 boys but everything you have said is so true

Bree James 1 year ago

I have two boys and everything in this article is spot on! Very funny read and great to know its a boy thing, not just a MY boy thing. 😉

Sarah 1 year ago

This made me laugh out loud as I have encountered each and every single one of these (2 boys aged 11 & 13). I am the only female in the house and my toilet seat is never down and if it is it certainly isn’t dry. Also find pee in places that makes you wonder how on earth they got it there.

That said my boys are so affectionate and love nothing more than a snuggle and chat before bedtime.

Eli Savet 1 year ago

I laughed so much I cried. Or maybe it stopped being funny and I was crying for myself.

HerbsandHags 1 year ago

My girl does all this too.

Slightly more than my boy actually.

I think kids behave like kids and their behaviour only starts to comply with gender norms when they become aware that they’re supposed to behave in certain ways depending on their sex.

Jessica 1 year ago

This represents my daughter more than my son, all the way down to the “touching of parts” part. My son is neat, clean & generally easy mannered and well behaved. My daughter? Not so much. And I (usually) wouldn’t trade it for anything 😀

Candice Harris 1 year ago

This was hilarious. I am a mother of 3 boys (9,8,5) and I feel like I personally wrote this Lol.

Diana Figueroa 1 year ago

I also have 5 boys & all brothers. I also have 5 grandsons & counting. However, we’ve now added 3 little girls. I was very sporty growing up & so are granddaughters.

Diana Figueroa 1 year ago

All so true. I am the mother of 5 grown sons and 5 grandsons between the ages of 4 months and 13. I was the only girl in my own family, so I had lots of boy experience before my boys were born. We now have 3 granddaughters. They are strange species. Lol. And yes, boys can be very dramatic, and they do wine. You gotta learn to love everything sports, if you don’t already; football, basketball, baseball, lacrosse, soccer, track, foot hockey & wrestling, all year round was part if our daily life. I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Dana P 1 year ago

Three boys, now ages 19,17 & 15. They are loud. They eat a lot. And WTF do they DO in that bathroom? (I feel really sorry for my oldest’s roommates now that he is in college.) Loved this.

Sam 1 year ago

Thats funny, I have seen boys much neater than girls. I have a nephew who is a neat freak while his older sisters were extremely messy. These really apply to both genders.

Tessa 1 year ago

I have 3 girls, 17, 14 and 8 and all except #10, I’ve been thru it all with them. They are NOT girly like at all. In fact my 14 yr old informed me today she would like to join the football team at school. My eldest 2 have belching contests all the time and my youngest is wishing she could be as good as them, they belch louder than most grown men. Now I’m no girly girl myself but they never cease to amaze me. From fist fighting to fishing (baiting their own hooks and taking the fish off) to farting and “cycloning” each other (this is where they will fart and run circles around each other) it’s never ending. My 8 year old will come in the house covered in mud and ready to go to the store looking as such. The older two are a lil more self conscious about their looks and clothing but that’s as girlish as it gets. No dresses and high heels here! In fact my 17 year old tried to get her prom date to let her wear a tux to prom. She told him, quote “You wear a dress then and see how uncomfortable you are!”. She finally gave in and wore a dress when I told her father and I told her we’d pay for a dress, not a tux! Lol.

Kristen Morton 1 year ago

These are spot on 100%!

Laurence 1 year ago

#3-i always sat my boy on the toilet, so far so good no battle with lid or drops, even school hasn t taught him to stand up. But for flushing, wiping and paper consumption, 100% boy there!!

Yolanda 1 year ago

I have two boys and couldn’t stop laughing…. this is my house all day, everyday… and every since they have ‘discovered’ themselves…. it has been non stop….I told them if they keep touching it, its going to disappear in their sleep…. My oldest woke up and said, mama, its still there!!!! lmbo!!!

I love the article…growing up with boys, I can relate!!!

Erin Gillies 1 year ago

By the time he’s old enough to use the Internet and read, he will will have many years of happy memories with a mom he KNOWS loves him! Get off your high horse! Everyone is allowed to grieve the loss of a dream…it doesn’t mean you love your son any less, just that you are sad you may never have a daughter.

Josh 1 year ago

Yeah, the ‘putting the lid down’ rule is pretty pointless. If you don’t want to fall in, you should have learned to put it down yourself by now. I can’t see in the dark, but that doesn’t mean I tell everyone else to keep the light on when they leave a room.

Eliza 1 year ago

So funny and too true!!! I have 5 brothers and 2 sons. My boys are only 5 and 2, but have already covered most of this list. I almost dread bath time – such a mess to clean up after them!! And my 5 yo wants to eat all.the.time. I’ve been wondering what that was all about so I’m glad to know it’s normal! (I think I’m glad :) )

Carla 1 year ago

Haha, what? I doubt he will ever read it, and I hope you find better things to do with your time in the future!

This article was great! I have ONE boy, and I couldn’t agree more hahahaa.

Allison McNeill 1 year ago

I only have one little boy, and he’s 18 months old, already this rings true, and I laughed so hard. Oh the things I have to look forward to!

Mother of 5 boys 1 year ago

I have 5 boys and I can relate to all 10 items. I often joke that when my boys are teenagers (the oldest almost is), that I will have to get a second job just to buy food and then a small fridge with a lock so that I will have something to eat. My boys sure can eat a lot! Yes there is the penis grabbing, the messes, the drama, the fighting, the looking away at the park when they make me nervous, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything! I love my boys and they keep life fun!

Kinga 1 year ago

Wow this is funny as a mother of 4 boys I must agree with it all ! My boys are 5,7,8,10 .

Deb 1 year ago

Loved the article, i smiled the whole way through. Though I disagree with #5. I have 4 sons and a daughter and have been a 4th grade teacher for 12yrs and girls have it in the drama department HANDS DOWN!
Very cute post

Tonya Weir 1 year ago

OMG!!!! LMAO!!!! I’m crying I’m laughing so hard!!! This is my reality every day as well!!! 4 boys…8, 6, and 3 year old twins!!! :-)

Melissa Ruble McCain 1 year ago

Mother of 3 boys. I was telling my boys in the car tonight about reading this today, especially the part about playing with their junk, because one of mine was absolutely obsessed with his when he was a toddler. (To the point that he’d give himself an erection playing in the tub, and then telling me “it broke” when it went away.) I shared comment about penis and fork,. and my 15-year-old said, “uhm, I’ve never wrapped mine around a fork, but I can tie it in knots.” and there you go… SMH

Nicole Sica Lombardi 1 year ago

I have 3 sons, 12, 9 & 3 years old. You are 100% right on every point!!!

Lori 1 year ago

Totally can agree with the fork thing. I had one boy and then a little girl. You really have to have a sense of humor with boys. When my little guy started having “stiffies” he would run and show it to me and I would hang his undies on it and he would run rampant thru the house. TOTALLY cracked me up.

Annette GP 1 year ago

Oh, #10….the crazy truth of #10

mejaka 1 year ago

I’m the wildly lucky Mama of five boys (and one girl), including five-year-old twinsects born 6 weeks before my 43rd birthday. Boys ROCK. I laughed my head off at this whole essay, and then thanked my lucky stars that my boys never gave me much trouble with #s 2 (bathroom humor) or 3 (bathroom messes). Some of them eat a lot; a couple don’t. They all understand that their penises are not toys. We bought a lot of jeans but they don’t go through them any faster than their sister did…although maybe that’s because of the kind of girl she is? After all–it was one of my sons that begged for a rat, but it was my girl who brought home (and kept alive for over a year) the salamander, and who started the stick-bug colony, and who is currently doing her falconry apprenticeship (she’s 14). My most dramatic–both are boys. My tidiest–also one of the boys. Most obsessed with clothes, the one who took forever to fix his hair–one of the boys. Snappiest dresser–yep, one of the boys. Best shot–one of the boys, with the girl close behind.

They are the most fun I can imagine having in my life, and while I’m not going to be one of those idiotic half-amnesiatic mothers who claims to have cherished every single minute–I sure do cherish a dang lot of them!

And like you–I write funny articles about the rest. There was the time Nate stripped naked and wandered around the library…Good times, yeah.

Amy Tyler 1 year ago

Fantastic post! I think you may have convinced me to stop at two girls! lol

Marta Perez 1 year ago

Como la vida misma…

Tera Pouliotte Starrett 1 year ago

Yep. That’s my life!

Tera Pouliotte Starrett 1 year ago

Yep. That

SammyMomof1boy&1girl 1 year ago

Most of these applied more to my fearless daughter more than my quiet son. Except for 6, 7, 8 & 10, (young boys are FULL of drama, they grow out of it, girls grow into it) these would apply more to my daughter than my son. Both are teens now, and she is a girly girl and he is a manly man, but she loves a good fart joke and he thinks they are gross.

Oh and how can I be posting too fast if this is the only post I’ve made THIS WEEK?

Mila Kñež-Mārj 1 year ago
Ana 1 year ago

This list is the story of my household. Every.Single.Word. Sometimes I just look at my 3 boys in sheer horror and wonder “what freaking planet do you all come from?!?!?”

Melody 1 year ago

Mom of 6 boys (1 yr – 11 yrs), this is my life, can really relate to 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, & 10

Mona Walls 1 year ago

As a mother of 5 (2 girls and 3 boys), all are grown except last boy – he’s 15. All of this article is true about my boys. And still is. They still wrestle and knock stuff over, fart on each other and think it’s hilarious, leave a mess wherever they go, and my oldest son (who now has a 18 month old of his own) he and his brothers have already initiated my grandson into their horseplay. It’s hilarious. I wouldn’t change a thing.

April 1 year ago

Also a mom of four boys here–and yes, on every word of this.

Julie 1 year ago

I don’t know about number 5…I have a girl and 2 boys. And while my boys are dramatic (I call them drama kings) it pales in comparison to their sister’s drama!

Louise Saler-Reinier 1 year ago

#3 is not an issue in this house. all “boys” who live here SIT, if they don’t THEY clean the bathroom. I don’t miss

kate 1 year ago

This article should be retitled “10 THings Moms Must Do.” I have a house full of girls and we run into every single problem on here (except for the last one, sub in pee for boobies “Mom, why do you have big boobies and mine are tiny?” grab grab grab lol) These articles drive me crazy, I feel like they imply girls just sit around having princess tea parties all day. Sure some do, but mostly, a kid is a kid, wanting to be crazy and get messy.

Louise R 1 year ago

#3 is NOT an issue in our house…all the “boys” that live here SIT to pee. If they don’t THEY clean the bathroom as I don’t miss.

Barbara 1 year ago

My friend has 6 boys and they have urinals (yes, plural) in their bathroom. I only have 3 boys & wish I had one!

Nadia Sorenson 1 year ago

Hilarious! And oh so true…

Bev 1 year ago

Four boys and 1 daughter here all grown now and blessing me with grand babies:) I had my gang close together – and by close, I mean I had 5 at ages 5 and under – yowza:) would do it again in a heartbeat!

Meg 1 year ago

You are one funny lady Rita Templeton! I was sitting here reading your blog while putting my daughter to sleep and I could hardly control my shakes of laughter! Lol! BTW, I have one son, and I agree with everything – especially the jeans! I throw them right in the garbage a few times a year – WTF is right! Thanks for the laughs 😉

Janel Cunningham 1 year ago

#10! All the damn time! Since BIRTH!

Phillip 1 year ago

My mom had 3 boys. Two oldest were 2 years apart then me 5 years later then adopted a girl 3 years after having me. She always said raising 3 boys was so much easier than raising a girl. Boys are just naturally tough. Tell them the rules and let them be boys and it will all sort itself out in the end.

jenny 1 year ago

You nailed it! Mother of 3 boys! Sometimes feel like the only one out there with these issues, so thanks for putting your experiences out there!

Sharon Glynn Pananos 1 year ago

My sons are grown but this is them! How about using the penis as a sailboat while in the tub…

Sonia 1 year ago

Lol. I’ve got two girls and a boy and my boy is way better about most of these than the girls. My son is crazy about cleanliness. His sisters couldn’t care less. As for the eating they all eat a ton! And I think moms of girls should let them fall down just as much as boys. That’s how they learn to get back up.

Aubri 1 year ago

Very well said! I’m about to have boy #6 and I’m still learning to not go crazy over the constant mess. My 20 mo just dumped out a box of qtips, a bucket of socks and unfolded a pile a laundry all in about 20 seconds. My 8 and 10 yo are in charge if the boy toilets until I brave them every other week. And wieners and farts are definite words and subjects in this house! But they all definitely love their mama and can be so so sweet.

Rebecca Watson 1 year ago

Man, I so needed that laugh. I only have one child, one boy, and I think at this rate he is going to be an only child forever!

Thanks for 5 minutes of pure entertainment!

Deri Beard 1 year ago

I have raised 4 boys (they are now 36,33,31 & 26), and my mantra was “As long as there’s no bleeding, or stoppage of breathing, just work it out among yourselves”. We have all survived, and I now have 2 1/2 grandchildren, 2 boys and a girl, and the promise of many more. I wouldn’t trade one single second of my time with them.

Colleen Kimberley 1 year ago

RUDE AND SEXIST

Jennifer Herd 1 year ago

LOL !!

Samantha HairGoddess Heredia 1 year ago

My son goes through shoes like nobodies business!! I can’t even think about donating his clothes because by the time he is through with them they’re rags. I love that son of mine.

kristi 1 year ago

If my son makes pees in thr toilet I could care less if the seat is up or down. We still have aim issues in this house.

Karen Blacher 1 year ago

You’re absolutely right about absolutely everything you said here, lol. So living it!
However, as the mom of two boys AND one girl, I feel the need to clarify the “girls are more dramatic” point.

They aren’t MORE dramatic. They’re DIFFERENT dramatic.
Boys are very straightforward creatures. When they’re upset, it’s simple–loud, perhaps, but simple. They scream, or hit things, or throw stuff, or cry. When the do this, it’s for a simple reason. Silly, often, but simple. Having to be player 2. Tripping over a shoelace.

Your daughter, on the other hand, might come home from kindergarten and matter-of-factly inform you that you have to move to a new town because she’s never going back to school again. When you politely point out the impossibility of that plan, she’ll stop speaking to you for the rest of the evening. She’ll sulk, pick at her food, and shoot you dirty looks. When you finally corner her and demand to know what’s up, she’ll burst into tears and explain that Maya told Alexa told Cynthia told Jane that Melissa and Judith shouldn’t be friends anymore, and Alexa says that now Maya and Judith are best friends, and today Judith and Cynthia wore matching orange shirts. But they KNOW that your daughter hates orange. So she’s convinced that Maya must have told Judith not to be friends with HER anymore and that’s why now she’s hanging out with Cynthia, so your daughter can’t possibly show her face in school tomorrow or all the girls will play Mommy without her at recess and she’ll have to play by herself with the yucky doll that no one wants, and she’ll have to name it Fred because Judith will be angry if she names it Cynthia.

AND SHE’LL BE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

Because girls are complicated, calculating creatures. And that, my friend, is what the parents of girls mean by “drama.”

It’s not louder. It’s just…different. And more than a little scary.

Stephanie Reiss Newell 1 year ago

Your quote in #10 is insanely hilarious!!!!! I can’t stop laughing!

Maria 1 year ago

LOL this is all true I am the only one in the family with more then 1 boy so no one understands and I thought maybe I was losing it as a mom for all the things they have done, are doing and will do!!!!! I am rasieng 3 boys on my own since they were young….. glad to know that all this is normal!!!! Oh and the rub thing. of course they all go together if you leave the other 2 in a different room its all the more those two can get into!!! Been there done that all in the tub!!!!!!!!!!

Jerry Baldwin 1 year ago