Really, this could apply to any mom or parent. But being a stay at home mom creates a different kind of crazy. Time goes on and you don’t know what day it is anymore and people keep looking at you like you’re a mad woman. Here are 10 signs you really need to get out more—maybe a cup of coffee alone, a drive around town, or even a night out. (Like that will ever happen).
1. You pretend to be folding laundry in a far off room of the house, but instead you are just curling up on top of the laundry in the fetal position, counting the seconds until someone barges in and discovers your lie.
2. You have adapted to the way your children speak, instead of the other way around. You use odd phrases no one else understands like, “But the spicy chips weren’t on sale and they only had thin pasghetti.” Often times it’s not just the words you are using that are incoherent, but you are also slurring your words in a mumbled stream because you haven’t slept more than a few hours at a time in…months? Could it be years? You don’t know, you’ve lost track.
3. The smallest indiscretion starts to drive you batshit crazy. Your child spilled half of their dinner onto the floor. You aren’t mad directly at them (you are trying to stay out of the loony bin), but inside your head you’ve starting compiling the list of reasons you now know your children are conspiring against you. For real.
4. Any question that starts with “Did you see…” is cut off right at that point with hysterical laughter. Unless it involves bodily fluids or the newest addition to your kids Netflix suggestions, the answer is “no.” No, you haven’t seen that new movie, show, or that they are building a monstrous apartment building one block away.
5. You make actual lists of what you do in a day, even if it’s the same damn thing every. Single. Day. It’s really bad if your list actually includes cooking, showering and making coffee. But the action that takes it to a whole new level is when you add things to the list after you’ve done them just so you can cross it off/make the list longer. (Maybe no one else is this crazy…maybe it’s just me).
6. You have a running monologue with yourself in your head, and when your children interrupt you, you are very upset. You have lost your train of thought, and you were talking with the only other adult in the room. Wait…I didn’t mean that, I know it’s just me, myself and I here…promise…(sorta).
7. You left one or more of your children at home when you went to the store and it’s like a vacation. You have to actually remember that you did not, in fact, ru n away. With the noise level and general craziness cut at least in half, it’s almost like it’s silent and your child(ren) are suddenly angels.
8. You are super excited to go to the OB-GYN because they are like, your best friend now, right? You’ve seen them countless times over the course of your pregnancies and you can’t wait to update them on your family. Sadly, the staff has changed and no one really gives a fuck what’s gone on after those babies are out of you. (Again, this is a really bad sign and it might just be me).
9. You’ve accepted “date night” is drinking beer or wine, binge watching Netflix, and ordering Chinese food after the kids go to bed. It’s actually a lot of fun and you boast about it to normal people. They look at you like you are crazy and need to get out more. Because you do.
10. In fact, you don’t even know what “getting out” even means these days. You just know things get crazy when you go to Back-to-School Night and everyone is up half an hour past bed time.
But it’s okay, really. At least, through the internet, we know we aren’t alone in our crazy. And we all know the house would burn down without us. Unless you are like me and burn things quite often, then you’ll just have to find another expression to fit the situation.