My husband’s older than me. 12 years to be exact. When you play the time travel game, he was graduating from high school when I in first grade. He was starting up his own company when I was in middle school. He was dating when I was calling boys “cootie monsters.” We could play this game all day.
Yes, he’s a tad older, but I was actually 33 years old when we met. He was hardly robbing the cradle. In fact, I was the tarnished goods, if you will. I was already married and divorced at this point. I was jaded and slightly broken. He, on the other hand, had never walked down the aisle nor had kids, which is far from what you’d expect from many men at that age. But he was still older and, in many ways, wiser. He had more time to grow, and establish himself and his identity. He knew what he wanted in life and for me, at least, that was sexy AF.
Having recently ended a relationship with a 26-year-old (going on 4), I was blown away with the maturity and self-sufficiency of my now-husband. And here, as we near our five year anniversary, I have one very clear message to say: older men are the bomb. Let me explain (and yes, I’m generalizing here):
1. They have their shit together.
They are paying their bill monthly. Yes, monthly! They know how to invest, how to balance a checkbook, and the pros and cons of owning versus renting. They don’t ask to borrow money, and that means you too, partner. Hell no. And while they like to pay for dinner, they also assume you’ll pony up too, or at least offer, because this is 2019, not 1950.
2. They’re thoughtful.
They tip, they tithe, and/or they donate to charity. They know the world doesn’t revolve around them, and understand the importance of being a part of the community. The give back — some way, somehow. They open doors for their partner, but they continue to hold them for the two folks directly behind.
3. They’re experienced.
I’m not just talking in the bedroom here. I’m talking about relationships in general. They know the importance of bringing home flowers “just because.” They’ve also learned how to cook, or at least boil pasta. They are good kissers, they are well aware of the importance of communication in a relationship, and they’ve already learned the hard knocks of taking their partner for granted.
4. They’ve sowed their wild oats already.
Girls, travel, all-night ragers… they’ve been there, done that. They’ve had time to be spontaneous, reckless, and just plain assholes. They already know there’s no long-term satisfaction there. They see long-term in a very different light than someone who is 25. Goals, passions, and what drives them look a hell of a lot different than they did one or two decades ago. And that’s a good thing, because ask a 20-something-year-old guy what his passions are, and they seem to revolve around getting laid and indie music.
5. They recognize their mortality.
My husband just turned 50. If that isn’t a blow to the ego of our indestructible 20s, then nothing is. Retirement is not that far away and that savings account we’ve been ignoring for a while suddenly becomes very real. Time is precious. Our bucket lists need to be addressed soon. There’s no more time to waste. So traveling to exotic places, that fancy remodel we been talking about as “someday,” and writing that book we’ve been crafting in our head for the last ten years start to take shape. The pen starts to hit the paper. Dreams become reality.
Look, it’s not all fun and games. Hearing the knees and hips pop every time your husband sits down is a little unnerving. And hair starts to grow in strange places. Sorry, TMI? But dude, if you’re dating an older man and wondering what your future would look like if you got more serious, grab a pair of tweezers and hop in the car. You will soon be riding off into the beautiful sunset (it just might be a shorter ride, FYI).
This article was originally published on