Enough with the themed dress-up days. Just. Enough.
Are you with me, moms? We limped through the 100th day of school in January, and threw together some shitstorm resembling a Dr. Seuss character for Theodor Geisel’s birthday. But now that the end of school is nigh, there ought to be a strict ban on “fun” dress days for school-age kids and their bedraggled parents.
No “Dress Like a Farmer Day.” No “Long Ago Day.” No “Hawaiian Shirt Day” or “Disney Character Day.” Even “Pajama Day” is just too much to ask us to remember this time of year.
The only themed-dress days I’d be willing to get behind at this point are ones that reflect what life actually looks like right now. Such as:
1. Dress in the Clothes You Slept in Day
Not to be confused with Pajama Day, which is all about fuzzy bunny slippers and matching sets. No, this day would involve children going from bed to class in exactly the outfit they slept in the night before. For my kids, this might include nothing but undies, an oversized shirt from a fraternity rush week circa 1997, or some too-small, mismatched Christmas pajamas.
2. Eat Breakfast in the Car Day
Cream cheese from cheek to cheek. Jelly fingers. Smoothie-stained teeth. Breath smelling of Eggo and Mrs. Butterworth. Oh, who am I kidding? Fish around for yesterday’s still-unpacked lunch leftovers and see if there’s anything in there that won’t kill you.
© Courtesy Sarah Powers
3. None of My Clothes Fit But It’s Almost Summer So What the Hell Day
It’s warm out all of a sudden, so pull out the shorts, kids! Never mind that this spring’s butt doesn’t fit into last fall’s shorts, or that dresses now barely pass for tunics. Who cares? It’s 80 degrees!
4. My Mom Is on Laundry Strike Day
It’s like a scavenger hunt! For anything clean! It might be in a pile at the end of the bed, in a basket in the hall, or gathering lint in the dryer. One place it sure as hell isn’t? Folded and put away in drawers. Hurry up, kids—grab the cleanest looking thing from each major clothing category and put it on your body. Go!
5. I Call This Look the Bob Marley Day
There’s no time for hair-brushing, people. Our mornings are too full already, what with the hurried half-assing of homework and forging of reading log signatures.
6. Just Wear Your Own Clothes and Look Like Your Normal Self Day
This is the day your kid will look halfway decent and nearly clean as he heads off to school. It will also be, inevitably, a themed dress day you completely forgot about.