Raise your hand if you’ll miss Amy Schumer’s pregnancy photos and videos once she delivers her baby
Amy Schumer’s pregnancy documentation is arguably some of the best Mom Content on the internet, and her baby hasn’t even been born yet. Because when you combine a hilarious comedian known for keeping things refreshingly real with pregnancy, you don’t get Coachella halo pics at golden hour in the middle of a field. You get a woman in her third trimester just trying to put on some damn socks.
“If you’re pregnant, like I am, and you wanna put your socks on — it’s easy.” LOL. How can you not love her for this?
“First, the left foot. Okay, a little discomfort, but not really a problem.”
“And then the right foot. Oh, it’s easy. You just put your toe in. Okay, then you try it from behind, and hook your toe. Then you just…kind of slowly…will the sock up your foot. And that’s pregnant.”
If you haven’t seen Schumer’s new Netflix special, “Growing” — you better run to the couch and flick it on. Because it will leave you gasping for air, dabbing tears from the corners of your eyes, and falling off the couch dying of laughter because the question “What’s your pussy circumference?” is the best description of tampon sizes that ever existed.
She covers everything from pregnancy (hemorrhoids, the bulging bellybutton, and the nausea — Schumer has been suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum since her early weeks of pregnancy) to marriage, friendship, your mom’s pubic hair, and the sad way we all shaved our legs as tweens and teens.
When talking about her pregnancy, she mentions she’s absolutely not here for anyone who’s having an easy time of it. “I throw up an exorcist amount every day,” she notes. “I feel like, you know, if you had a good pregnancy — if you’re someone who enjoyed being pregnant — I just hope your car flips over. That’s what I wish for you.”
Honestly, who can blame her? I’m currently in my fifth month of pregnancy with my second kiddo and I spent six weeks heaving and barfing non-stop. I think I’d have lost all remaining sanity if that continued every single day for the duration of 40 weeks.
She’s not only completely unafraid to talk about the authentic parts of pregnancy, she’s not afraid to show it, either.
She recently shared a slew of photos of herself, naked, in a park, chasing ducks. “On a chilly Nola morning it’s best to chase ducks with nothing weighing you down except a baby.”
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On a chilly Nola morning it’s best to chase ducks with nothing weighing you down except a baby. Photo by @heathersten for the @nytimes on a rainy night it’s also a good idea. Thank you @zinomanjason for your profile on me. Brutally honest. My favorite kind of honesty. See you in another 10 when you write about me again. Article on nytimes.com
First of all, she looks fantastic. And when I say she’s “real” I don’t mean that in a passive-aggressive way that really means she doesn’t look as “good” as other pregnant celebrities. Because she’s gorgeous. But we wanna see pics of celebrities stuffing their faces on beignets in their third trimester, not posing naked on the cover of Vanity Fair with not one swollen extremity except their bellies. And Amy Schumer delivers.
Now someone go help her get her socks on, damn it. It’s still March and her tootsies are cold!