Andy Richter is here to make you laugh at parenting
There are a few celebrities whose Twitter feeds remind us that no matter how rich or beautiful you are, parenting is mostly the worst. We appreciate their commitment to truth, honesty, and hilarity, because who needs a laugh more than parents? One of those celebs is Andy Richter, whose tweets about being a dad will make you laugh so hard you’ll temporarily forget that you’re never going to sleep again.
Richter, who’s best known as late show host Conan O’ Brien’s sidekick, is married to actor and writer Sarah Thyre. The couple has two children: William, 17, and Mercy, 11. We went through Richter’s tweets to check out what he had to say on a variety of parenting topics and we were far from disappointed in the results.
On how hard parenting is:
I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 28, 2014
Daughter: "In that Xmas song where they say 'mom & dad can hardly wait for school to start again,' do you ever feel that way?"
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 12, 2016
If you're wondering if you're cut out for parenthood, you need to ask yourself "am I ready to have all my shit fucked with forever?"
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) July 1, 2017
On how to be a good dad:
When my kids and I have a water fight it still takes me at least two full minutes to remember to not ruthlessly dominate
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 26, 2015
ADVICE FOR NEW FATHERS: Nobody likes raising kids, so just shut up and pitch in.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 1, 2014
My wife is an excellent mother, & I try to be the best father I can be because fuck her she's not going to beat me at this
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 11, 2014
On other parents:
Some parenting news from the outlet mall: you CAN just tell your crying toddler to shut up. It doesn't work, but it can be done, apparently
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 11, 2012
We get it, you love your kid and are a super-involved parent. You can stop shouting.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 5, 2012
On having some perspective:
Sometimes get impatient w my kids' forgetfulness & then I recall I was in my 30s when I figured out I should get a towel b4 I get in shower
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) May 12, 2017
Finding out that, while I love my daughter very much, I guess I don't sit-and-watch-her-play-Minecraft love her.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 27, 2016
If my daughter cries in the night & I go to her & say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT I'M THE ONE WHO'LL BE DEAD IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) September 21, 2016
On enjoying your time with your kids:
"Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad." – from upstairs, my son the hint-taker
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) September 24, 2013
“Hey honey let’s us and the kids all rent bikes and ride around Manhattan” – a fucking lunatic
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 8, 2017
I've been on TV for 20+ yrs, so it's pretty special that watching kids' cable sit coms w my daughter can make me hate comedy all over again
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) July 7, 2016
"Dad, teamwork never quits!" – my idiot 7yo daughter when I wanted to stop building her stupid puzzle
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 13, 2013
On bedtime and wake-up time and the lack of sleep between the two:
Some days my kids act like I invented morning and school
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 1, 2016
Told my daughter to go to bed tonight by saying, "I've had enough of the awake you today."
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 12, 2015
Had just fallen asleep when my daughter threw our door open and exclaimed "Good night!" That was almost an hour ago.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 29, 2017
And, finally, on your dreams for your child’s future:
I try not to project too many of my own expectations on my kids, but I do secretly hope that whatever tattoos they get aren’t too stupid
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 16, 2018
Andy Richter: parenting truth-teller.
(h/t Huffington Post)