6 Things to Know About Becoming a Stay at Home Mom

OOCmom-002_flat_FINAL_webImage via Heath Robbins

Thinking of extending your maternity leave for a really long time? Or quitting the office job and becoming a stay at home mom instead? Here are six things you really ought to know or do:

1. You must embrace the the yoga pantsYou might go in to this whole endeavor thinking that there is NO WAY you are joining a gym or going to preschool pickup in yoga pants and tennis shoes. But you know what?  The reason why SAHMs have been doing these things for years is because they are good decisions. Joining a gym means childcare, time away from your kids, and a chance to be around other adults, usually in your same situation. And yoga pants are the ultimate multi-tasking legging choice!  There is absolutely no point in getting dressed up for a ten minute pick up of a four year old… unless you are doing it because other moms at the preschool are judging you. In which case, get a new preschool.

2. Your kids are in charge. And they are mean bastards. As much as we like to think it will happen, our husbands will never walk in to the house after their day and say, “Hey, you did a really great job today!  I am so proud of you and don’t know how you do it all!”  I mean, how often do you say to your husband, “I know it is so hard to get up every morning, head in to work despite the weather and our adventures here at home, work hard to keep your job, and come home to kids screaming because they are DONE for the day?” Right? We all take each other for granted. So if you are looking for words of encouragement, your partner is not the right place. Don’t expect it.

Your kids are the boss of you. They will run your day and your time in a grueling way.  And they will let you know when they are unhappy with screams and tears and embarrassing meltdowns in Chick-fil-A. It will be very rare that they will tell you how they appreciate what you do. But you know what?  When they are almost four and they randomly say “Mommy, I love you so much” or “Mommy, I am so glad you are here.” That’s like money in the bank.

3. Reevaluate your performance metricsYou will most likely get on blogs or websites or have Facebook friends who make being a SAHM seem like one easy ride of Martha Stewart baking, Pilates classes, and Pinterest-inspired crafts with their Janie+Jack dressed kids, all done in an immaculate house.

LIES!

Well, if not lies, they certainly are only putting their best face forward. Every mother has breakdown moments. Every mother has days where just getting eye makeup on while the teething baby is clinging to her desperately is a feat.  You will, many times in the upcoming years, yell “I just want to pee alone!”  So redefine what you feel “success” is. For me, success is now a day where my house is not a disaster at the end of the day (I like to start relaxing when my husband gets home, I don’t want more chores staring me in the face after dinner), I get to engage in one social situation in the course of the day (playdate, gym conversation, lengthy phone call, whatever it is I’ll take it), and I am dressed in a way that will not be embarrassing when the college kid comes by to sell us a newspaper subscription.

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4. You’ll need to have something of your own. Get or have something — ANYTHING — outside of motherhood. Whether this is getting involved in your church, helping on the preschool board, taking one night class a week, learning the guitar, being part of the leadership of your mothers’ club or your local alumni club (blogging?)…whatever it is, find it.  You’ll need an outlet outside of your house walls and your kids to give you something to feel like a contributor. It will make you feel respected and important. So discover what it is that can give you a small spark of passion and inspiration and devote a little bit of time to it.  After all, you need to be able to talk about anything other than the color of the last poopy diaper at the next cocktail party, and politics will not be your thing for another few years (no way you can watch the news with a two year old following you around).

5. Get some new friends. I know this sounds brutal, but you need some new friends. No, I’m not saying go ditch your old ones. In fact, work hard to hold on to relationships, but now more than ever you are going to need friends who understand you and what you are going through.

When you have a Monday where you feel irrationally depressed that you are not going to be able to get your IUD in easily because you cannot find childcare on a weekday afternoon OR because you have yet to eat lunch one time that week OR because you feel like death warmed over from the flu yet are home alone with two kids under under, find a friend that you can call. Find a friend where you can bring your kids over to her/his house on a moment’s notice, the kids can play and socialize, and you can pop open a glass of wine and lament about how good you had it when you worked.  Isolation will be staved off for one more day.  You need friends who are in a similar circumstance.

Because here’s the deal: there is a LOT of emotion out there, and literature, too, about the SAHM “versus” the working mom.  Who has it harder, who is more stressed?  Like it’s a giant competition and the most frazzled one wins. But the truth is it is damn hard for everyone.

6. It really is so fleeting and it truly is just a phase. I won’t bore you with the “savor the moment”  crap you probably hear all the time, but do remember that what seems so crazy hard now will be over in an instant. Some day, in the blink of an eye, you will be able to go back to work in some form and you will probably cry over how great your years at home were with little kids who needed you so badly.

Possibly.

Related post: The Stay At Home Mom Challenge

About the writer

@allisonbarrettc

Allison is a freelance writer who lives in Chapel Hill, NC. She blogs at Go Dansker Mom, but also spends a lot of her time managing a local parents' guide, Mom in Chapel Hill. She and her husband have a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old boy so she spends a lot of time yelling, frantically, "BAD IDEA." She wouldn't have it any other way.

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Kadisha 1 day ago

I love this! Especially the piece about the friends! I live in NC too near App State and as young parents, my husband and I really find it hard to find and keep any friends in this college town! Thank you for this list! I will be bookmarking this!!!!

Don’t Choose the Right Wingers 5 days ago

I wouldn’t be taking them to Chik-fil-A in the first place. I’d try someplace with a bit less discrimination.

Anonymous 6 days ago

Allison, it’s obvious that you appreciate what your husband does for your family. Maybe if you started telling him on a regular basis, in little ways – a random phone call, a quick text, a little (or big) kiss and thank you from time to time – he may reciprocate. Your statement that a spouse is the last place to look for encouragement made me sad. While an, “I love you mommy!” makes your heart sing, kids grow up and your husband is the one who is supposed to be by your side. Always remember to support that important emotional connection.

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Jessica 3 months ago

Thank you. I have a six month old son who means the world to me but being a stay at home mom is lonely. This article gave me the permission that for some absurd reason I’ve been seeing. Permission to feel a love hate relationship with the work of staying home all day.

Sharon 4 months ago

Never have truer words ever been spoken. I have been a SAHM for five years and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my children and my husband. I am really thankful for both, but I have gone through a period of really realizing that I was pretty fried. I didn’t have anything going in my life outside of taking care of the kids, nothing for me. I mean NOTHING, not even the gym. I came to a place where I realized that I need to make some changes. Here is what I started to do 1. I started a blog. I have tens of followers but that isn’t the point. It gave me an outlet. 2. I started taking walks without my kids early in the morning. It gives me time to pray and be sane. 3. I started my own little business. I am still a SAHM but I am genuinely enjoying doing something that has nothing to do with kids. It is fun and I really needed something in my life that reminds me of who I am, outside of being a mother. I encourage you moms to take the advice on here and find something all your own. It will help you a lot!. https://sprinklesofpeace.wordpress.com/

Jenn 5 months ago

I was feeling especially crazy today as if I’ve lost my mind choosing to be a SAHM. So, 10 minutes ago, I googled the search terms ‘not good at being a stay at home mom’ and your post was the first result listed. You pretty much gave an exact description of my experience—except for the gym which my husband hasn’t come on board with that idea although I would looove to be able to use a workout as a break from the kiddos. Thank you so much for reassuring me that I’m not the only one. It turns out that I actually am a great SAHM and it’s worth all the craziness to be able to have this time with my kids.

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This is GREAT!! Love it =D I’m going to be a stay at home mom forever!!

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Jessie Romero-Mitacchione 6 months ago

Being a SAHM certainly has it’s challenges and definitely IT’S rewards! I can NEVER thank my husband enough for allowing me the privilege. I never missed a milestone. :’) ♡♡

Nicole Lynn 6 months ago

I really enjoyed staying home when my kids were little but now they are 9 years old and 4 1/2 I like working. Even though I only work 3 days a week I find myself bored too many days off in a row w school aged kids. It’s enjoyable for me when they are small, but not at this point

Rebekah Ray Rankin Jessop 6 months ago

I completely agree Lorrie. I’m a neat freak, but if there are more important things to be done I don’t care if there’s toys/clothes everywhere whatever it may be. As long as it’s not out right disgusting! I’ve been to many a house where it looks like they haven’t swept or vacuumed in about a week and when they have a lot of kids, that means crusty sticky gross. Food in the fridge uncovered, dry and crusty. Food out all over the counters, food on the floor. It makes me sick. Especially when most of then have kids old enough to help out immensely…

Jessica White 6 months ago

I love the pic…looks like my life just add a cat. Lol

Joanne 6 months ago

@Debbie – oh God. Could all you grandmothers jyst STOP telling current mothers what is and isn’t right and wrong please? Be a grandparent, don’t try to relive the days when you were a paren – The world has changed and all the judgemental rubbish that comes out of your mouths does NOTHING but make good mothers (who may or may not work) feel bad when there’s no real reason they should. Go see a psychologist and ask for help in resolving your own issues. Honestly, they can help.

Rachel Romano 6 months ago

My 5 year old got a huge kick out of the photo! He thought that it was hilarious that the kids were “hiding”…Being a SAHM is hard some days, and it always comforts me to read articles about others going through the same things…

Kelly MacFerren 6 months ago

Being a sahm mom is hard & yes sometimes I miss working. Lunches, happy hours, adult conversations, using my degree. However, other people raising our children all day wasn’t something we wanted. Daycares weren’t for us. Nor was using family. We didn’t want someone else telling us “your child did the sweetest/smartest/first” thing today”

Jessica Farrell 6 months ago

I don’t understand why moms keep comparing their oranges to someone else’s apples. yes, of course you should be able to lock the bathroom door when you have an 8 and 11 year old. But a 1 or 2 year old who needs a lot more supervision? I would prefer the door open so I know what that little toddler is up to!

Anne Hipwell 6 months ago

This is a normal photo, for anyone who has no kids!

Kristin Racz 6 months ago

meh, not really. I think I will at some point once I figure out what I’d like to do…volunteer somewhere, join a book club…nothing major

Amanda Ramsis 6 months ago

I can do all of that in jeans. Personal preference on how you choose to present yourself. I will never understand, as I said. Kids welfare is number one priority regardless. If they are taken care of then who am I to judge? I just know others will.

Erica Martinez 6 months ago

I don’t know what “me” time is lol. Work and kids consume every ounce of me

Cynthia Sirmons 6 months ago

I would have added that a good portion of my day is spent cleaning – constantly cleaning spills, messes, crayons, paint, toys, and whatever else she’s getting into and spreading all over the house. I think the time I spend cleaning was my biggest shock.

Vanessa Orozco 6 months ago

The picture reflects exactly the way I felt when I was a stay-at-home mom, lol. Loveeee my girls but I sure felt like a maid. I work when they r at school now and delegate shores at home. I feel much better!

Natalie 6 months ago

The only thing Ireally disagree with is not relying on your spouse or significant other for praise. My husband and I make it a priority to show and speak our thanks for each other. He knows how hard I work at home with the kids, and I know how hard he works outside of the home. I think it’s incredibly important to show appreciation for your spouse. As for the rest of it? Right on. I’ve stayed at home for 10 years, and the only time I put on jeans these days is if it’s really cold out and I need the extra thickness.

Heather Lyn Bersaglia 6 months ago

I AM ALWAYS IN CHARGE, even with four kids. My children do their part, are respectful, I get all the alone time I need BECAUSE I am in charge.

Helen Russo 6 months ago

#1 DON’T DO IT!

Meli Slaucitajs 6 months ago

I love being a stay at home mom. Wouldn’t trade these moments for anything. But I think it’s good that moms have small hobbies or things that leave them for filled. If working out of the home makes you feel good then that’s great! It leaves you feeling great. But for some it makes them feel down because they are missing stuff they would feel happier doing. I love cuddling my kids and reading to them. I know it could be at night but then we are all just too tired. I love relaxing in the morning with them while cooking breakfast. We have wonderful soothing mornings that aren’t rushed. It’s like the joy you working moms have on Saturday and Sunday but we have it Monday through Friday as well. We can do fun outings and learn and grow together. I get to sing the songs and do the crafts. I have been a SAHM for 12 years. The first few years was a adjustment. This article was not a good one. It doesn’t paint a positive view of what stay at home moms feel. Not all of us are unhappy. I for one thank my husband every day that he gives me the opportunity to enjoy my kids. And I do actually say to him it is hard to go to work day in day out. He thanks me for my work too. Not all SAHM are having a hard time every day all day. Many have good and bad days. That’s normal. But we love it. Just like working moms love their jobs.

Cari Parker 6 months ago

showering and shopping solo don’t magically happen bc you have an out of home job.

Amy Hussar 6 months ago

So true! Thank you for this. … Awesomeness

Karen Ryan Vukovic Chancey 6 months ago

Lmao

Carole Wilkins 6 months ago

too funny

Megan Priester 6 months ago

#2 my old man does tell me he appreciates what I do and has said he couldn’t do it

Amanda 6 months ago

After reading your entire post I cannot help but feel that maybe the only reason this struck a cord with you is guilt. The guilt that you feel for pushing your mother away, I am not going to pretend to know what is your entire situation. But I really hope you are now trying to take the time to build a relationship with your mother. She sounds like a wonderful person who really cares for you. :)

Nom DePlume 6 months ago

I do tell my husband “I know it is so hard to get up every morning, head in to work despite the weather and our adventures here at home, work hard to keep your job, and come home to kids screaming because they are DONE for the day?” At least once a month I say it . . .

Krista Jeffries 6 months ago

As I’m adjusting to the SAHM mom life, I can eventually see myself being OK with all of these, EXCEPT number two. No. I’m in charge. I’ll skip showers and wear the same pair of yoga pants for a week before my offspring think they’re calling the shots.

Ania Noyes 6 months ago

Ladies, I believe by saying that kids are in charge, author meant that they have their needs and you will, willingly or not adjust to it and try to the best for them. Doesn’t have anything to do with discipline. And it might be more comfortable to do it in the yoga pants. I cannot believe all this judgemental crap you put in the comments.

Amy Morris Christensen 6 months ago

Ahhhh, #2 sure did hit home for me.

Rissa MakingitVintage 6 months ago

Kids are certainly not in charge but their demands and constant needs make you feel like they run your life!

Lisa Cote 6 months ago

#4 & #6 are the only true ones…the rest of the article is bullshit! Articles like this make SAH motherhood sound like such a horrid adventure. Start posting some REAL, FACTUAL articles, not all these bullshit opinion pieces from bitter mothers!

Alicia Bostick Clark 6 months ago

Y’all…I have two healthy beautiful girls who were both babies once..I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years now. You certainly can tell a toddler ‘no’ and train them early. A newborn is an entirely different subject matter. Do not try to ‘get anything across to me’ …I am done. Fight amongst yourselves…we can agree to disagree…

Erin Thomson Gerstmeyer 6 months ago

Probably not a healthy relationship Debbie.. Get out.

Life With Teens & Other Wild Things 6 months ago

I love how many “The kids should never be in charge” comments pop up on these posts, and it makes me wonder if those people have ever tried to potty-train a toddler.

Life With Teens & Other Wild Things 6 months ago

Some of us don’t have jeans that fit properly. Yoga pants are so simple, comfortable, and easy to slip on. Why would you care if someone else wears them? If you don’t want to wear them, more power to you, but don’t knock those of us who do!

Life With Teens & Other Wild Things 6 months ago

I grew up in a large family, and having more than 2-3 is actually an advantage- the older kids learn to pitch in.

Rebekah Ray Rankin Jessop 6 months ago

Thanks for your input ladies! We are all wonderful mothers in our own way and we all have our own style. As for children not being dogs, I agree. But if we can’t learn to teach our children to RESPECT and obey their parents, they won’t respect or obey correctly to anyone. When parents don’t teach their children right from wrong, then that’s how we get the messed up kids in our world today.

Melanie Jane Blair 6 months ago

Why do some mom’s lash at this? It’s meant to be funny. And why be so judgmental like your parenting is better. If you don’t like the articles, stop following the damn page! Jeez…lighten up already! Every kid is different, and not every person lives the same life.

Melynee Fontenot Finch 6 months ago

Sometimes, going to the dentist is like a mini-vacation :)

Juliana Roca 6 months ago

There are some days though when I just say fine do whatever you want. I have said to my older kids that they do stress me out to the point where I want to ram my head into the wall. The middle kid loves to pick on his little sister and then my oldest gets mad at the middle. He has even put him in a head lock and then sat on him. I don’t get in the middle of that lol. Its never bad. They are laughing the whole time. Oh and my oldest has told his little sister to go ahead and smack his brother on the butt for messing with her lol

Hanna Williams 6 months ago

That’s what I’m trying to get across to her too lol. Babies are in charge. That’s why it’s suppose to be funny!!!

Calliope Du Hymnia Gerber 6 months ago

Uhh, have you not had a baby or a one year old?? Yea try disciplining one of those, that there IS A phase dear. They don’t follow you, you chase after them. you feed, change, pick up & ect babies on command.. In which case, the baby IS in charge unless your a neglectful parent. This article isn’t sad, it’s called the reality of a stay at home home mom

Hanna Williams 6 months ago

My kids are not in charge, by any means. My 6yo is very well behaved and anyone that knows me as a parent knows that but my 7 months sure is in charge. I am there to take care of him all day. See the point here???

Debbie Nicole Neal 6 months ago

It’s about not missing anything it sucks to leave a crawling babbling baby and come home to them walking up to you like mom get me juice… well when did that happen?

Susan Thomas 6 months ago

Agreed! I always say it takes the same amount of time to put on jeans as it does to put on leggings!

Alicia Bostick Clark 6 months ago

And if you all think it’s just a phase….bahahaha!!! Teach them they control you and see how long your little ‘phase,’ lasts…lol teach respect.

Lily Campbell 6 months ago

I don’t want to give off the assumption that I stay home and take care of just my daughter..I do ALOT more than that..We are starting a business to leave to our children.. I am blessed to have my husbands help also and don’t take that for granted.

Susan Thomas 6 months ago

After 6 months maternity leave I called work and begged to go back before my anticipated 12 months was up!

Alicia Bostick Clark 6 months ago

There is nothing funny about this article…just sadness…

Alicia Bostick Clark 6 months ago

Yes Hanna…I DID read it… You are entitled to your opinion as I am mine. If you wanna let your kids run all over you, go ahead. This what’s wrong with half the world now a days…people teach rebellion instead of obedience….honestly, I don’t know why I follow this stupid page….no wonder mother’s are all stressed all the time…if this is how you all see yourselves, you r causing your own problems!

Cathy McQuistion 6 months ago

If you can’t deal with one kid, stop. I realize this is suppose to be funny. But seriously, it’s not that damn hard.

Vanessa Anderson 6 months ago

That’s AWESOME!

Lily Campbell 6 months ago

I’m not a stay at home mom.. I’m a lifestyle manager.

Vanessa Anderson 6 months ago

Me too.. still at home tho for the time being lol

Hanna Williams 6 months ago

Why do uptight people even follow Scary Mommy? I’m noticing day after day people posting comments such as this when these articles are meant to be funny and for parents that get it???

Also, Alicia did you even bother reading the article or just going by the comment at the top of it?? Geez

Shaye Boucher 6 months ago

I’m always in charge. Don’t let the lunatics run the asylum and never negotiate with terrorists! 😉 Just some days, I want to bang my head into the wall…(before you bite my head off, it’s called snark!)

Emily Moyer 6 months ago

I’m just domestically challenged and I’m realistic about it. My house wasn’t organized and clutter free before kids, I don’t expect it to be now, though I am working with my kids on some basic picking up and I do clean things that get gross regularly.

Shaye Boucher 6 months ago

My house is always clean. Even my 17 month old helps clean up. I was raised same way. With 7 kids, order and chores were a necessity!!!

Val Lepage McCann Missaoui 6 months ago

Being able to have a stay at home parent is a privilege as most families can t go by on one income. i think it s a blessing, even if it has it s challenges.

Marissa Bamberger 6 months ago

Eh, we are all different. But, I’d give anything to stay home again. For me, it was a thousand times easier.

Marissa Bamberger 6 months ago

I took it to mean they are your “boss”. So you aren’t getting any thank you’s…

Jill Remer 6 months ago

Jokes, people. Haha. Have a sense of humor.

Jenn McPherson 6 months ago

I agree. I have Never gone to the bathroom without locking the door. I have, however, had to reinforce the rule that when Mommy is in the shower, she is Only to be disturbed in the case of emergency, like, a death or accidental amputation lol. Also, my 8 and 11 year old are quite versed in First Aid and will even bandage themselves when knees are scraped

Anitra Garcia 6 months ago

My. Life.

TamurChristy Zahir 6 months ago

One word: time management. it is really not hard if you’re able to utilize your time wisely.

Amber Bollinger 6 months ago

Every mom is different and what one mom can do/does isn’t always the same as another mother. My house is sometimes a mess but mostly it’s not. I pee and shower by myself but my daughter will scream if I’m in the bathroom too long. And I only shower when my husband is home so I don’t have to worry about my daughter and actually get a few moments of piece. I don’t have anyone else to look after my 6 month daughter and make sure she’s happy when I need to do something by myself. Every mother is different just like every child. A mother with a clean house is no better then a mother with a messy house. We’re all just trying to raise our kids the best we can while still keeping in touch with our innerselves

Kelsey Novacek 6 months ago

This article is all in good fun, of course the children are not literally in charge. Sometimes it might just feel that way. You’re reading too far into it.

Leandra Roesch Beshea 6 months ago

I sorry, that’s not nice…

Jennifer Miller 6 months ago

Why do you put up with that?

Jeff-Clairey Williams 6 months ago

I agree! I have four kids and two dogs, I can’t stand having a messy house it makes me insane.

Rendi Jordon 6 months ago

Agreed!

Sheryl Ferguson 6 months ago

#5 is huge!!

Sarah Mahan 6 months ago

I have also done both, and from the perspective of keeping a clean home, cooking, and having time to just get “stuff” done (whatever that is), I totally agree that being a stay at home mom is WAY easier; HOWEVER, it was much more emotionally taxing for me, and I felt so unstimulated. I need the intellectual stimulation of my career. I’m a scientist, and it’s almost impossible to get that level of intellectual stimulation as a SAHM. I was working in retail when I had my first daughter, though, and I took a nice hiatus from that job after she was born. I’d rather stay home than work retail, but I love my career now. I don’t think I’d ever just quit.

Tara Ortiz 6 months ago

I’m the same way. SAHM for 2 yrs

Shailyn Volk 6 months ago

Lol Erica my sister said the same thing. They’re both hard, think depends on the person.

Erica Martinez 6 months ago

I’ll probably get shit for asking how the hell do people enjoy being stay at home moms? I have 3 kids and have no desire whatsoever staying home all day with kids. I enjoy working & being the main breadwinner in my house. I tried the SAHM thing for 5 years and lost my damn mind.

Erica Martinez 6 months ago

I’ll probably get shit for asking how the hell do people enjoy being stay at home moms? I have 3 kids ang have no desire whatsoever staying home all day with kids. I enjoy working & being the main breadwinner in my house. I tried the SAHM thing for 5 years and lost my damn mind.

Debbie Nicole Neal 6 months ago

I used to do yoga lost 100 lbs in a little over a year. My old man said I didn’t look right skinny hated that men were looking at me so he fattened me back up so he can ignore me and comment about how fat I am :(

Cathy-Marcella Reaver 6 months ago

I don’ t have children but I have my husband’s nieces at home for 18 months now. And I had to stop my job this year. Because it is almost a full-time work. I am very tired but they re gonna have their own flat in 5 weeks!

Juliana Roca 6 months ago

My boys do clean up after themselves and for the past few weeks have even taken up mowing the lawn and weed wacking also. They are older 12 & 9 so I do depend on them a lot to help me out. Their wives will thank me later for teaching them about yard work

Sarah Mahan 6 months ago

We have 6 kids and our house isn’t in a constant state of disarray. I work full time, but I have also been a SAHM, and I’m always a bit perplexed when I hear things about SAHMs not being able to do things like shower, keep a decent home, or not having time to do things like that. I work full time, and with 6 kids between the ages of 1 and 8, and I feel like I’ve got my shit relatively together. And I definitely pee and shower alone. Every day.

Crystal Carter 6 months ago

I can’t wait for babies to be old enough to have them do laundry. As soon as they can they are soooo helping with that

KeepinIt Movin 6 months ago

O.m.g.

Debbie Nicole Neal 6 months ago

True I can’t even wear yoga pants or pajamas because my old man comments about them as well as everything else but he comes home naps, texts, calls, looks up youtube, watches porn but if I say babe watch her for an hour so I can clean and shower properly it’s hell no I gotta work tomorrow worked all day I’m tired but ewe your feet are hard, you’re fat, your hairs a mess, the house is dirty, you didn’t cook, you didn’t shower you’re disgusting! Never mind that I run on 2 hours of sleep a day and of course he’s mad that I don’t sleep with him anymore we don’t even have sex and he’s got nothing but insults offers no help I keep telling him what’s the point when I don’t have time because you wont help me and you don’t touch me so why worry about looking nice? The baby doesn’t mind mommies hairy legs you don’t touch them shut up or get stuck. And even on his days off I don’t get a break unless he wants to take her to his mom’s but still no time for me I gotta spend that time cooking and cleaning!

Laura Carter 6 months ago

My kids are not in charge, they are demanding! I do not think they mean kids are in charge by dictating what you can or can not do,, but more in the sense that you are dealing with most of their demands! I have three under four! The four year is helping more along with the 6 and 10 year old, but the two year old and one year old I take care of! I have diapers to change, potty training, they seem to want food every 30 minutes so I am getting snacks, finding toys, putting toys together, breaking up arguments, and so on and so on! So to a certain degree the kids are in charge! They are not self sufficient yet, so a lot of demands have to be met! I like my yoga pants, I have great friends, don’t have time to make new ones right now, unless the situation presents itself! My time of my own is shower time! I do not get an atta girl from my husband at the end of the day and I don’t care! I am in survival mode, specially after these past ten days off due to weather! For the moms that can do it all, that’s awesome, I wish I could but I am not that kind of mom and I am ok with that! My kids are loved, clean and taken care of! I am not sure if I will ever look back at these days and cry bc they are over, I still have not got to that point after I had my tubal after five kids, am not sad to no longer have anymore, I am fine with it and just want to get to raising them! I get this article to a certain extent!

Scott N Lindsay Meyer 6 months ago

My husband was off work yesterday, so I took my dog to Petco by myself. I felt like I was 20 again. I haven’t went anywhere without a child in 2 years.

Juliana Roca 6 months ago

My husband loves when I wear them because he can see my butt and legs.

Brittney Morgan 6 months ago

Being a stay at home mom of 3 does get crazy sometimes but I still seemed to get things done. Now I also run an in home daycare…now that’s crazy. I definitely have a 24/7 job but I love it and wouldn’t change anything about it. Kids grow up so fast and I’m thankful that I get to stay at home with them and not miss out on it :) as for yoga pants I wear them like Crazy But When I go in public I put jeans on lol. And your kids are in charge? I’m not sure I agree with that. They are definitely very opinionated but in no way they should be in charge of you!

Leandra Roesch Beshea 6 months ago

I’m not saying they’re not comfortable, but for me personally, I feel like I’m cheating myself and husband if I don’t make a small effort to look some what “put together”. :-)

Wendy Roehr Martin 6 months ago

No, nope, no way. Kids should not ever be in charge. YOU are the parent. Along with that, teach your kids respect for themselves, their things and other people as the grow and by the time they are in pre-school, they will be able to help pick up and allow you time and space to yourself.

As far as yoga pants, wear the shit out of them, no matter who you are. They rock.

Krystal Brian Piccirillo 6 months ago

I have 5 kids and can still get things done with all of them

Megan King 6 months ago

I agree to a point that we can at least do the bare minimum some days I can get a lot done and some not at all. I don’t stress over it but I won’t let it get like a tornado either. I think there’s a nice medium if I have all food put away and a mostly clean living room in good. Lol my 3 month old comes first tho. :)

Boloria Carys Bullet 6 months ago

Yes. Me too. Too many kids lazing round, doing nothing whilst their mothers are driving themselves crazy trying to do it all. My boys do the laundry, washing up, the wipe the toilet after themselves and tidy their room. Okay, not to my standards, but I’m teaching them to be responsible men x

Wendy Roehr Martin 6 months ago

My kids can’t remember to flush the toilet. Why the hell would I EVER let them be in charge?

Boloria Carys Bullet 6 months ago

My kids are never the boss of me. Nope. I love them like a lioness but I am in charge.

Amanda Ramsis 6 months ago

Not sure I love this article. Kids should never be in charge. I know mine isn’t. And as far as wearing yoga pants..I think that’s just silly. I wear pjs all day but I respect myself too much to wear them in public. To make it sound like putting jeans on is a chore or time consuming is ridiculous. It’s just as easy as any other piece of clothing..I’ll never understand.

Wendy Roehr Martin 6 months ago

Yep. 1 million times!

Wendy Roehr Martin 6 months ago

I agree. The children, all for of them, are NOT in charge at my house. And yes, children should obey. If you can’t understand that, please give your children away.

Christina Ferris 6 months ago

I’ve been a stay at home mom and a working mom. I’d choose staying at home any day. It’s easy peasy compared to being a working mom.

Jessica Williams 6 months ago

Kelly, I do that too! It is like a vacation!

Cyndi Rome 6 months ago

100% agree
My kids pick up, do dishes and even take out the trash without being asked :)

Jamie Callow 6 months ago

I agree to a certain extent…there is no way on earth my 15 month will help me keep a straight home however, he will help me put blocks and toys away. I do however clean up after him when he sleeps and the rest of the house (ie bathrooms and kitchen) stay clean. I do try to teach to teach him to “clean”. He loves to vacuum and will try to help but for the most part is tearing up stuff I’ve put away:)

Misty Rodems 6 months ago

Can I send you my 3 year old twin boys for training? They don’t seem to get it and my house is always littered with toys and dirt they track in. I’ll keep the 11 month old for now. She’s only moderately messy and untrained. :-)

Anna Leilich Clark 6 months ago

I used to go to target all the time. Now I live in the boonies, Target is an hour away, I have no child care, and dad’s been working out of state for the past six months. I seriously have had dreams about going to target alone again

Christina Ferris 6 months ago

Obedience? They aren’t dogs for Christ’s sake.

Cassandra Lee Jones 6 months ago

Uh, FYI kids should never be in charge.

Richele Schrum 6 months ago

If your kids are in charge then all these would be true.. Geesh

Elizabeth Ann 6 months ago

I will probably get shit for this but with 4 kids I dont understand how mothers say they dont get to pee alone, shower alone, there house is always a wreck or get time away. I am a SINGLE mother and I get to do all of those things, not always but I make sure to make time for myself. If I dont I go bat shit crazy and then everything falls apart. Should I mention I do this with help from 1 friend (the father of my oldest) I have no family where I live. Its all about utilizing your resources

Alicia Bostick Clark 6 months ago

Articles like this are just ridiculous… Your children are NOT in charge….gracious…

Monica Augustine 6 months ago

Is it o.k. that I’m having the sheer moment of panic at the thought of having to do my hair, makeup, and dress like a business professional for an upcoming event?!?!?!!? (seriously – I used to own clothes like this, now they come out so rarely I honestly haven’t a clue where they are now!!!)

Mika Lawson 6 months ago

Feel the same

Katie Schmidt McMurry 6 months ago

for me “yoga pants” means the same pair of comfy jeans for a week straight. so, to each his own i guess!

Alicia Bostick Clark 6 months ago

I agree as well!!

Kelly Bovitz 6 months ago

Lol Holly! I spend more time at the grocery when I go alone because I just slowly wonder down all the aisles!

Kristin Parteko Athy 6 months ago

I don’t even own yoga pants. I feel like I’m missing out on something lol

Elina Matson 6 months ago

I agree!

Rebekah Ray Rankin Jessop 6 months ago

I know every mother does her best, and every child is different. I know there are crazy days. But I also believe that you can have plenty of children and still have a clean home. The problem is, there are so many mothers that don’t teach their children the basic principles of obedience and learning how to clean up for themselves.

I know I sound judgemental, I apologize to any of those I may offend.

Taara Datta Donley 6 months ago

Going to Target after 10 P.M. on a weeknight BY YOURSELF (to buy chocolate and other secret stash items) will become your “Girl’s Night Out.” Sad, but true.

Ashli Hussey 6 months ago

It took me 3 babies to embrace leggings (still have to have a long shirt or sweater on) but yoga pants are still only for yoga

Holly Fisher Register 6 months ago

And going to the grocery store alone is a vacation

Joeyheather Capozzi 6 months ago

#4 is a great outlet to have .

Leandra Roesch Beshea 6 months ago

You don’t HAVE to embrace yoga pants… I only pull those out when I’m actually doing yoga. :-)

Madisen Oldfield 6 months ago

You forgot about how much taking a shower is like going to the spa :(

Gina Boyd Bryers 6 months ago

Your bargaining skills will improve greatly as well.

Juanita 7 months ago

Lmao. Great post! Being a SAHM definitely has its ups and downs but if it weren’t for my little girls I probably would have never taken working online seriously. Now that I’ve made a business out of my efforts I’m trying to show other SAHM’s how I got started. It’s definitely work! But the rewards far outweigh it all in the end.

https://www.fiverr.com/bootyhead/show-you-how-i-made-my-first-200-dollars-online

Haley 7 months ago

I am also a stay at home mom. I have two beautiful daughters under the age of 2 and trust me I know it can be difficult at time. Don’t give up. You will look back one day and smile.I work from home at http://payripo.com/?share=62577 You can help provide for your family as well.

Lella 7 months ago

love being at SAHM but yup a but is coming I hate comments people make about SAHM (especially men). My husband does well for me to be able to stay home but I don’t just stay at home & pick my ass (sorry). Our home is clean, our children are cared for, hot meals, all holidays are done in our home, an active PTA mom, the list is endless as u all know.
Plus at times I feel my husband does not appreciate all that I do & this hurts me. I shouldn’t let him or other people’s opinions or comments bother me but they do. I guess my question is -have any of u ladies felt this way? And if so how do u deal with this?

Susan 7 months ago

It looks like you took a snap shot of my life in that one picture. I have been a SAHM for 5 years with 3 girls. It is always loud and chaos. I am a terrible cleaner. I do a single room a day, the rest grab a shovel to get through. Lol. But I am an awesome chef and totally organized with meal planning. Everything from scratch or semi homemade. That’s my outlet. But I have no friends or supportive husband. I force myself to boldly walk up, introduce myself and see how it goes. Which most of time is awkward. I am just now getting around to learning the internet and everything. Last month I began a yahoo account. I have no idea how to drive and walk everywhere, husband no patience to teach me. I just don’t have much in common with the moms here but really want a friend, a real one not books anymore. Any ideas? Thankx

Letitia 8 months ago

Oh get a grip. I am not even a stay at home mom yet but even I understand where she is coming from. Everyday cannot possible be peaches and cream no matter how much one dreams. I like that she is giving us what her reality is. We can’t sugar coat everything just because. Some may experience all of what she had written about and others only some but it doesn’t mean that its passive aggressive view it just a view that is different from yours.

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KateG 8 months ago

I enjoyed reading everything but #2. Our husbands are our partners and i make it a point to tell him how appreciative I am that he gets up every morning to go to work so that I can raise our children at home. And when he walks in the door in the evening he greats me with a kiss and says thank you to me for taking care of our home and our kids. Maybe not EVERY day – but 3-4 times a week. We understand that each person plays their part in this family and each role is coupled with its struggles. The first person we SHOULD rely on for encouragement is our spouse because they are the ones that benefit most, and vice versa.

ibraheem abukhdair 8 months ago

I want to try my hacking skills because I am too lazy to create my own site and test for vulnerabilities, I wont do any changes to the website, if you see my basic html on a post then I did not succeed and this site is safe. If you don’t see my code then it was successful. If you want me to stop I have left my name and contact info above. Just to tell you I won’t make any changes or anything else that is harmful to the website. I will just have a little popup come on the page that sais Hi and welcome when a user comes on the page. I might change the background color from black to red then just change it back.

alert(“Hi and welcome to my blog”);

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Michelle 8 months ago

Yes I am a new SAHM as well and I did not get a passive aggressive feeling from this article either. I found humorous and like the other poster said: soothing. I texted the link to another SAHM friend of mine! I think maybe you are the one with the chip on your shoulder. And another thing, I’m tired of people whining about how broke they are when they go on to have 3 or 4 kids. This is 2015 people, quit making babies if you can’t afford them.

Barbara 9 months ago

I would give ANYTHING to be a stay at home mom!!! Not that I think the task is easy… Hey I’m a teacher.. I deal with kids all day already. Just in nicer clothes.

Cristina 9 months ago

I’m a first time mom from Chile (all the way down here) and I’m starting my life as a SAHM. I’m afraid, I must say… I have the conviction that this is the best for LO and I’m willing to go through the adventure. Yet I cannot say I believe it will be a piece of cake… I’m afraid of feeling lonely. It’s just me and LO all day until hubby comes home from work.
I’ve been thinking I have to have some kind of routine and backup plan so the days won’t feel so endless. I found what you wrote very helpfull. Thank you.
PS: I really enjoy your blog, my hubby always asks me what am I laughing so much at

sai 9 months ago

this website is very nice. I am very happy to post the commands. As it teaches how the women should behave in the homes

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Kaileigh 10 months ago

This is true. As a stay at home mom, I have definitely embraced the Yoga Pants and baggy sweat shirt. I sleep in my workout clothes, and normally stay in them all day. I do my best to have my structure and my kids do their best to break me of this. It is always a struggle to balance kids, life, and hubbys work, but it is just one day at a time right??

Esther Anderson 10 months ago

I’m a stay at home mom and a TERRIBLE HOUSEWIFE but I was still slighty offended by Obama’s recent comment about stay at home moms being worthless, so I made a video to poke fun at all the ridiculous things we stay at home moms do at all =) I figured scarymommy would appreciate it!!! enjoy!

http://youtu.be/BPPx3MHeHys

Diana 10 months ago

Being a mother is both a wonderful and scary however when the children go to school I began a part time business http://www.ibourl.net/dineromoney

Julie 10 months ago

I did not get passive-aggressive from this at all. I’m a SAHM, and found this, I’m not sure of the right word…soothing? comforting? Something in that ballpark, anyway. You post was baffling to say the least. The comment that set you off, the one about dressing up for preschool pick-up? Yeah, that’s 3 days a week for me. I constantly struggle with it. So many of the moms look like the have been out doing stuff and are dressed for going out. I’m in sweatpants, a sweatshirt, UGG boots, and am unshowered. Yeah. Really puzzled by your comment.

hotgirlsinyogapants 10 months ago

If you want to put on a large low cost may well have an inseam of 34″ yoga pants for long-term investors as short-sellers eventually buy back their shares. Not just the colours yoga pants in question on or after you get into it right away, you will need.

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Bobby Joe 11 months ago

I just went back to work. There is a lot of support for working women, little for the stay at home mom. I know you think you wrote this to be funny… I find it very… Very passive aggressive. The comment ” There is absolutely no point in getting dressed up for a ten minute pick up of a four year old” is really mean and just as ignorant as the awful things that were said to my mother when she went to back to work when I was an infant, Stay at home moms are raising about 75% of working mom’s kids. Who do you call when you need help & your kid is sick? A stay at home mom. Who do you call when you are running late & your baby needs to be picked up from childcare? The stay at home mom. Who can you count on, no matter what…the stay at home mom. Who is always available? The stay at home mom. I really liked your site until I read this post. In the 60’s, 70′ & even the early 80’s women were judged negatively by other women because they worked. Do you think it’s possible you are doing the same thing? Maybe a little jealous because they do have a choice? Some don’t, some have sick kids & parents that need 24 hour attention. Some have too many kids for childcare to be an option. Some stay at home mom’s have illnesses themselves & really can’t work. I know for a fact that my mother’s stay at home friends & relatives were jealous of her as she drove away in her convertible, wearing a suit, traveling across the country for her job. They would say the meanest things to her & I would laugh with them, because these were the people I was with most of the day. I had no clue how it broke her heart. All she wanted was the option of staying home with me. She didn’t have that option. Women need to support each other no matter what they do. Some of your comments like have something of your own, is valid. But harder then you think. Stay at home mom’s have less time then working mom’s. They don’t get breaks or lunch hours. Their days are 24/7. They are not valued. Stay at home dad’s have more value…. He’s a great guy…raising his kids while she works building her career. My mom had to work or we wouldn’t eat. I was always getting sick at day care so my mom fell back on relatives to watch me. I only recently found out about her guilt & the depression she had leaving me while she worked, in those days working women had no support just smart ass remarks like your yoga pants post. They didn’t hear her cry over me when she thought no one was listening. I love my mother, but we don’t have a relationship. She has tried. Her whole life, she tried. I’m sad to say I’m the one who pushed her away. The irony of all of this is, she worked for me & my welfare yet I bonded with the relatives, the stay at home mom’s & grandparents who took care of me, not her. Although she paid all the bills. My grandmother would tell me to call her mommy. She went as far as making fun of my mother. So I made fun of my mom too. Everyone thought it was funny when my mom got upset.I never heard my mom making fun of her or anyone. Now I understand. My working mom spent every free moment she had with me & only me. She even took me to work with her. Yet we never bonded. It’s so much easier to like & bond with people who give you anything you want, and let you do what ever you want, not a mom who has rules and says no to the things you want her to buy. I recently watched home movies & looked at hundreds of family photos for the first time in years for an art project. I learned about who my mom really was. When asked questions she was always honest with me. Until recently, I never bothered to ask her anything, I had my surrogate family tell me their opinions & they were wrong and I was wrong about my mom. One picture can really tell a story.
Maybe do an article of advice on women on bonding with their children while working… would be more helpful then making fun of & looking down at the stay at home mom because she’s wearing yoga pants..Allison,you have a lot of followers, me leaving isn’t going to make much of a difference. Google women’s books & magazines from the late 60 & 70, ….they were passive aggressive too.

Diana Matthews 11 months ago

I worked for 6 years with my first. after staying home for almost 3 years with my second, i realized how much I missed with #1. breaks my heart to not have those memories with him :(
however, there are days I wish I did work lol. and the friends part? if anyone in NOVA needs a sahm buddy, I’m so open. can’t seem to find any decent people around.

Jennifer Zapf 11 months ago

I miss being the SAHM.. my husband has that job now, my house is not as clean, I need to tell him it is April/October and the window sills need to be cleaned (yes I’m and old fashioned house cleaner – I’m old!) or that is it September and the basement needs to be vacuumed. He does alright with ususal, but when he started out having to clean the bathroom everyweek – still needs reminding – but at least now he’s not wearing a HAZMAT suit! – he’s the only male in the place.. Sometimes there is dinner, but never at the table, tasks get started but often not finished…
I sure miss being the SAHM… he’s off to the park, homework isn’t started until they’re so tired they can’t see straight… sure must be fun being him.

Stephanie Neuheardt 11 months ago

Best, hardest, worst paying job you’ll ever have. But worth it.
My husband had a long weekend of being the sole caregiver when our kids were little (while our house was for sale & needing to be clean on demand to boot!) When I came home he said: “I don’t know how you do this, I’d be a serial killer.” Still one of the best compliments ever 😀
As a mom of college kids looking back…
please know the fleeting part is all too true. You’ll even remember some of the tantrums & chaos in a favorable light one day.

And btw, I’m kinda p.o.’d that yoga pants weren’t around when I first had my kids.

Courtenay Cicchino 11 months ago

Meri Howard, my sitter does a good job keeping the messes under control. But that is what i consider ‘maintenance’ and not actual housecleaning (mopping floors, cleaning toilets, you know the list goes on and on…)She does cook for them also, and is great with my kids. I can’t ask her to do housecleaning, errands and laundry, etc. because it would only be fair if i paid her more to do those things…Can’t quite afford that right now….:-)

Meri Howard 11 months ago

Sounds like you need a new sitter. Your house must be a disaster area when you get home. I used to be a nanny, kids always first priority, but, I did your list plus cooked for family, while also making sure kids were happy. Even when I was just a sitter, I did what you listed minus the laundry. Well hang in there.

Meri Howard 11 months ago

Yoga pants are like sweatpants but look nicer. Comfort all the way! Greatest invention ever.

Marisol Perfecto-Cisneros 11 months ago

Absolutely loved this!!!

Shamim_joon 11 months ago

This is great Jessica. Your posts make me cry (with laughter). It’s really important to note too, that I love the way you write, without judgement. I am a full time mum that works full time – and almost every mum that works full time could tell you, that the guilt you feel about being without your kids as they grow up is unbearable. I wish I was at home, but I love your raw and honest take on that path. We all have it hard in our own ways and I respect that you are brutally truthful about the challenges that you face when home with the kids.

Reema Asad 11 months ago

God I needed to read this years ago Rosie Thomas Abt

Vicky Lee 11 months ago

So true all of these!

Viki Kinnikin 11 months ago

Good one

Louise Czarniecki 11 months ago

Was so fortunate to be able to be home when my kids were little best time of my life!

Amber Mabry 11 months ago

good read

AprilWilliam Garard 11 months ago

Well I worked 45-50 hours a week and was a single mom with my first from the time she was 5 months old(until she was just over 5 years old) and I still feel being a sahm is tougher… But that’s just my own opinion

Lynn Jones 11 months ago

“Savour the moment” may be a cliche but I am just amazed at how quickly my son (9 months) is growing up. I am so going to miss his little bumbly butt.

Amy Taylor 11 months ago

My people!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Tammy Brown Poore 11 months ago

Things I wish I knew 14 years ago.

Stephanie Cuomo Dillon 11 months ago

I have taken up the cool sweatpants trend that just started recently. :)

Lizzeth Valdivieso 11 months ago

I am totally afraid of becoming a SHM.. I admire them but I don’t know if I would be able to do it. I am a working mom right now and I kind of like it even though working full time is too much sometimes.

Jennifer Osso 11 months ago

YES! Brittany Hopkins! When I first made the transition to SAHM I was like, ” I get to be with my kids all day now.. Ya!” A couple months later, “I am home all day from sunrise from sunset.. wtf did I get myself into! But, of course most days I love being with my babies, but somedays I wish I could run back to my quiet little corner desk with my coffee .

Kimberly Brown Sarmiento 11 months ago

I could not agree more about how important it is to stave off isolation. I am so glad to be a working mom now – even though I work from home. I really wish I had kept working at least part-time when I had my second child. With my first, I kept working as an adjunct teacher and was volunteering and it kept me going. When I had my second, the situation was much different and I didn’t build myself a support group and it negatively impacted me personally and my marriage. Being a stay-at-home-mom now is SO different than when neighborhoods were more of a sub-culture than they are today. Your cannot rely on your husband to be all the adult interaction you need – make sure you get out of your house and interfacing with other adults – it is SO important.

Delaney Rosales 11 months ago

I work overnights 3 nights a week so i can stay all day with my baby. I cry when i get a two hour nap in :/

Brittany Hopkins 11 months ago

I have been a working mom of 2 and now a stay at home mom of two… Personally for me I love staying home but it’s so much harder on me then it was when I was working. When I was working yes it was stressful but I got a break from my kids, bad to say that moms need a break but now that I’m at home I’m like seriously can I just have a minute without a child whining attached to my leg or hip? I miss having co workers to have adult conversation with and lunch breaks where I could actually have time to sit down and eat

kelly f 11 months ago

You nailed it. I’m a SAHM but with only one. I never drank coffee until I become a SAHM. Love every minute of it.

Charlene Dokter 11 months ago

Maybe I’m just super lucky, but number 2 (partners giving credit where it’s due) happens all the time here.

Cindy Montgomery 11 months ago

I agree with it all except the last one. I’ve told my husband that after the youngest kid turns 18 and I can pat my back for a job completed, I’m going to need at least another 18 years to sit on my ass (or go to Hawaii… you know, whatever) and recover before even thinking about doing anything again. And hell, by then I’ll be 70 years old.

Grainne Gibson 11 months ago

A whole lot of LOL! :-)

Elisa Carnevale 11 months ago

Thank you so much for this post.

Abi Tuddenham 11 months ago

Actually I *do* do number 2 (the husband one) but that’s because I am a fab wife

Michelle Dehnke 11 months ago

Hit the nail on the head with this one. 2.5 years at home with 2 kids and counting.

Kim Pamela Bliss 11 months ago

Omg we have all done or felt like this, I’m a stay at home Mum but feel often under valued, or that my “work” is not important

Melanie Anderson 11 months ago

This is starting to look like my situation!

Lisa Gaskill 11 months ago

And most of all, remember that being a MOM is the most important job right now. Your kids need you and you will never ever regret the time you had with them.

Sara Petrick 11 months ago

A SAHM for 7 years, and I still don’t have 4.

Kortney Eichenberger Malkin 11 months ago

yes. yes. YASS.

Susi Montoya 11 months ago

I’m actually not fond of the term sahm. I’m not different from other moms. We are all moms with different lifestyles. I rather just say I’m currently unemployed. The rest is nobody’s business. :)

Alessha Edwards-Little 11 months ago

Omg why no posted this four months ago I feel bamboozled….lol love my babies but who knew aspirin would become my BFF

Samantha McIntosh 11 months ago

I’ve done both. Being a SAHM isn’t for the weak but I am thankful everyday I can stay home with my kids.

Annie K. 11 months ago

Thank…….you!!!! SO much!!!

Eunice Myers 11 months ago

Be afraid, be very afraid…..

Sandra Spicher Kneib 11 months ago

Love scary mommie !!

Ana Rebelo Daley 11 months ago

I was just thinking today while bending over for the hundredth time to pick up toys, what ungrateful, demanding little brats I have. Good thing for them I love them to pieces and think they are adorable. That’s the only thing that ensures we survive the day!

Ashley Montgomery 11 months ago

Yep sure is..

Esther Reyes 11 months ago

Right on.

Sarah Willcox Andrews 11 months ago

Brilliant. Hit the nail on the head!

Jennifer Gibbs 11 months ago

i get thank yous… sometimes. he knows it’s a bitch and a half to keep this house afloat.

Ines Matsunaga 11 months ago

Btw there is no easy way out. I have been on both sides of motherhood and there is no easy. Just childless people trying to tell us this lies. lets unite not fight girls

Ines Matsunaga 11 months ago

That is me in that picture today. 3 wild playing with legos, two in school and I feel like walking dead. I looked so bad yesterday evening when my hub came home he cleaned this morning before he left for work <3

Holly Kiker Sadowski 11 months ago

#6 says it all. Love being a SAHM.

Karin Mohlke 11 months ago

It’s soooo hard

Desiree DeLooze 11 months ago

I LOVE my yoga pants

Jessica Gatlin 11 months ago

It’s a blog to make parenting entertaining. I’ve done both. It’s just for kicks people! SMH, toooooo many ppl are beyond sensitive and or defensive. This doesn’t effect your life. If you don’t like the blog don’t read it, case closed panties back in place….of course that’s IMOP

Lareina Harris Clark 11 months ago

Motherhood. It’s hard no matter what your work setting.

AprilWilliam Garard 11 months ago

Done both… Worked with the first, sahm with my second one who is 18 months now…. It’s definitely harder being a sahm, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world :)

Lilian Hamby 11 months ago

I have to remind myself of #6 every day…. and then it makes me sad.

Amy Mitchell 11 months ago

Can we all just agree that husbands should help more 😉

JoAnn Schlosser 11 months ago

it is hard but it was also the best time of my life. you just have to remember that once you reach your equilibrium you are actually keeping up. hubby thinks something should be done differently? let him knock himself out.

Valerie Ann 11 months ago

No thanks to the yoga pants, and I am the boss of my kids thanks – my friends are great (Rachel!)…but I do desperately need something other than “being mom”

Amy Mitchell 11 months ago

I think more than a few working moms have made my point on this thread, no? Geeeeeez

Beth Wankel 11 months ago

#4 yes yes yes!

Amy Mitchell 11 months ago

I, for one, do not think it’s easier to be a working mother. But, my point is that it’s unfair for women to treat me like what I’m doing is easy. It is absolutely true that all decisions made on this subject are personal and perfectly okay.

Leanne Willingham 11 months ago

done both. both are crazy hard. But for me being a sham of a 2 and 4 year old is way harder then when i worked However totally worth sacrificing these next few years for them but once they start kindergarten excited to go back to work! Also if u have not done both you should not have an opinion about it however before being a sham I was very ignorant about what it was llike.

Cassie Cordova 11 months ago

I’ve got three kids, 7, 8, and 15 months. I work from home as a transcriptionist, and am trying to start up my own computer repair business, and I also attend college online. My day starts at about 5:30 a.m. on a normal day. I get up, start up my computer, make my coffee, then head for my girls’ rooms to wake them for school. Then I pick out their clothes for them, and ask them to get dressed. My younger daughter has PDD, which stands for pervasive developmental disorder, which is a form of autism, but she is very high functioning. She doesn’t always want to get up in the morning and will literally make me help her put on her clothes…even though she can do it herself. Then, in the meantime, I grab a cup of coffee, then head for my son’s room. I get him up and changed, and put his “daytime” clothes on. Then at about 7:30 we all pack into the car and drive the kiddos to school. When I come back, it’s playtime, and in between, I do my schoolwork. Once my son lays down for a nap, I get back on the computer and transcribe as many files as I can to make as much money as I can. Then, my son wakes up, we have lunch, and we have playtime and reading and whatever else. Then it’s cleanup time! Time to clean the kitchen, living room, and do some laundry. After that’s done, it’s time to pick up the girls from school. Homework time! We complete their homework, then I get to retrieve a multitude of snacks for them every ten minutes. Cleanup time again! Now it’s time to get dinner started, and I normally make something completely different every single night. Once dinner’s started, it’s time to pick up my husband. Then I try to make him happy by making him comfortable, and getting him a beer (he works really hard at his job, seriously). Then I serve dinner to everyone. Time for a bath for my son, youngest daughter, and a shower for my oldest. Jammies, and then goodnight kisses and hugs, and telling me about their worries and fears, and assuring them that everything will be okay. Then I plop down next to my husband on the couch, have a drink and call it quits! Oh, and Thursdays and Fridays, I take my daughters to gymnastics and dance class. Frankly, I don’t realize how I even had time to write this. <3 to all those SAHMs out there. I feel your pain. 😀 And this Friday, I broke my arm, so I have no idea how the heck I’m going to do all of this for the next six weeks!!!

Lauren Rohr 11 months ago

Yoga pants are for yoga, and sleeping. End of discussion.

Jaime Montgomery 11 months ago

Love this!!!

Courtenay Cicchino 11 months ago

I feel like the SAHM feel us working moms are relieved of all parental duties and household responsibilities somehow. No, not the case at all. Just less time and more pressure to get those things done, all while trying to spend quality time with my little ones…

Anne Hutchison 11 months ago

I wish everyone would just enjoy these blogs for what they are. I enjoy reading these because they make me laugh and I can usually relate in some way (sometimes ALL of it). Everyone just needs to relax and get a sense of humor. Motherhood is awesome and tiring, joyful and a big pain all rolled together. Let’s all support each other and take the time to laugh a little too. And I LOVE yoga pants. :)

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 11 months ago

Courtney you’re actually not correct the biggest difference isn’t the less time to do house hold things it’s the 40+ hours… Those hours you are working out of the home someone else is responsible for entertaining, feeding, & educating your child.. Typically that person gets paid for their services… In the case of a sahm they fulfill that job unpaid verses going to work to pay another person… That’s the difference… Both sahm & working moms have equal amount of stress & importance & equal duties just one is solely responsible while the other uses resources to assist.

Mandy Hess 11 months ago

Yoga pants, a thousand times yes!

Claire Anne 11 months ago

I’ve done the stay-at-home-mom thing, and the working-full-time thing. The latter was a lot harder, because I still had to do all of my mom things. Now, I work part-time and from home too. It’s so important to find that life/work balance. Sure, I earn less (a lot less) but I’m less stressed, my house isn’t a total disaster and I get to spend a lot of time with the offspring.

Stephanie Broaders Brewer 11 months ago

yoga pants are my bestie

Amber Nicole 11 months ago

I was a working mom and my sitter did those things at her house and kept the mess there and I came home to a clean house. Work at home moms, now they do it all. How I don’t know! Lol

Alkini Baldwin 11 months ago

I hope you got the photographers permission to use this image!!

Danielle R DeVoll 11 months ago

#2 I wish I would have been more prepared for… but how, I know. I never had even a little support from my spouse when we (I thought, both) agreed that it’d be worth it for me to stay home a few years. I can even say that it partially lead to our split….

Matt Weachter 11 months ago

Bring a police officer can be trying with never ending crap and CRAZY at times but I don’t know how Bernadette Nolan Weachter does it. I come home and immediately and want to bury my head in sand, the noise alone.

Rebekah little miss Davidson 11 months ago

The worst part of this is the one that says the kids are the boss. This is why all your children are demons and expect the world to be handed to them on a silver platter. A bunch of retarded people giving birth to kids and raising them to think they are entitled. If you are letting your kids run your house, you aren’t doing you job.

Lynda Kurth 11 months ago

SAHM for friggin 12 years with four kids. One still in preschool. Is brutal and seems it will never end. I can see how working and being mom hard too, but just stuck in this mindset for so long is killing me. Is like having four bosses that think you suck and tell you all the time. And after the fourth which was unplanned, I do suck lol. House fallin apart.

Marci Millington Lary 11 months ago

I couldn’t have written it better myself.

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 11 months ago

#2 is the truest statement ever… I need #4 desperately & #5… Friends.. Am I still allowed to have those???

Jaselle Drexler 11 months ago

I wanna buy the mom in this pick a membership to the wine of the month club 😉

Mc D Britton 11 months ago

Preach!!!!!

Jamie Benjamin O’Hare 11 months ago

It’s terrifying. That’s why I went back to work full time after 11 years.

Kristin 11 months ago

Great article! Being a SAHM was not really my choice. After I was suddenly and unexpectedly laid off from my job, I found myself at home alone with an 18 month old (now a couple months past 2 years old). It has been so trying at times. There are even days when I beg my husband to trade me places. There are also those special moments, though, like when he first uses the potty or asks mommy to read him his favorite book. The “uv ew too mommy” at bedtime and the kisses and hugs and even cuddles when he’s sick make it all worth it. Not that it’s a walk in the park by any means, but I know some day soon I will be missing it.

Amber McDonald 11 months ago

i think the envy comes from a financial standpoint maybe? i dont know and im not biased. I work..and i work hard…but maybe the working moms envy the sahms because they can afford to stay at home? i dont know.

Amanda Carlton 11 months ago

I was a SAHM for 8 months and now I’m a working mom and I have to say they are both challenging! I’m still up at 5:30am everyday and the day doesn’t stop until I’m back in bed! I do miss staying home with my son, but for financial and sanity reasons, I needed to go back to work. I’m ready for my son to be in school and I can be a stay at home wife haha! One thing we all have in common… We love our children!

Karen Harrington Coles 11 months ago

All true! I was home with my daughters for 4-1/2 years and have been back to work full time for almost as long. I constantly miss those days when my girls were babies.

Traci Muller Rylands 11 months ago

I think my favorite part is “redefine success” because if you don’t you’ll be checking into the Rubber Ramada. Some days just fixing breakfast is a major success. Truth be told, the first two years were a BLUR. Probably better that way in my case. 😉

Demir Emina Ćulić 11 months ago

Yup, #4 is a must!!! The gym is my alone time and I love the 3x a week I get to work out and read some gossip magazines while on the treadmill! Lol

Jessica Cannistraro Lazuka 11 months ago

I experienced all of this! :)

Debbie Hartman 11 months ago

I remember these very challenging days…especially locking myself in the bathroom calling my husband on the phone so he could “talk me down” lol

Jen Ely 11 months ago

Lol! My husband owns a landscaping business and he was off last winter with the kids and I…. Needless to say I get all the praise in the world from him everyday now that he has experienced my life firsthand! Lmao

Dinene Knighten 11 months ago

Still my dream to be a SAHM. *shrug*

Vanessa Lane 11 months ago

I wish I could stay home but I’m fortunate to have a flexible job and a husband that will cook dinner. My kids are so spread out (23, 15 & 7) and part of that time I was a single mom that didn’t get much child support. Bless both the SAHM’s and the moms who work outside the home…we all love our kids and try to do the best by them. At the end of the day, raising a (mostly) functional human is what we all hope for!

Mishelle Moore 11 months ago

My husband apologizes every single day for leaving me with them as he heads off to work… and he thanks me every day for working so hard to keep our house nice… so thankful for that! Because being a sahm is HARD. There are.plenty of days I feel like I’m going to go insane.

Lauren Francis 11 months ago

I go back to work next week after a month at home with my 1.5 & 4 year olds. I love them with every ounce of my being and that is EXACTLY why I can’t wait to get back to work. I wish I could be a SAHM, but even if finances allowed it I couldn’t. I would lose. my. mind.

Stephanie Cuomo Dillon 11 months ago

Not all sahm moms fit in this generalization. I never wear yoga pants (tough at times but it’s more of a mental thing for me after having a career in fashion pr:) and my kids are not mean bastards bc I run the home (not them:) Like anything in life, we are solely responsible for how full our lives are (whether working or not). I learned that early on and decided to have fun being home and make the most of it.

Elizabeth Mau Healey 11 months ago

No one told me about #4 either…

Amber Nicole 11 months ago

SAHM haters gonna hate in 3…2…1..

Amy Mitchell 11 months ago

Amen. Wish everyone would read this. It bothers me that it’s “okay” for working mothers to poo poo SAHMs but are outrageously offended when we even suggest that what we’re doing is TOUGH!!!!!

Amanda Burden 11 months ago

#4!! The most important thing no one told me!

Tina Tyler 11 months ago

Ahhh! Numbers one and two couldn’t be more correct!!!

Angela Caglia Reis 11 months ago

Word

Tammi Legree 11 months ago

It sucks!

christine 12 months ago

I am SAHM and use swagbucks to earn some money its really easy to earn points to redeem for gift cards use my referral code and try it out http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/cmmoult

Stacy Benoit 12 months ago

To be a stay at home mom you are truly blessed. You are able to raise your children your way! It is a far more stressful job than going to an office that is for sure. Much like the woman above I too was a stay at home mom for a short time. Unfortunately that was not for me. I decided going to work was more for me. That said I decided not only to work but recently decided to develop a program for stay at home moms! Our company is called Sahara Scents. I’m from Michigan a state in which so many people are looking for work. What do we know best from our unemployment times? We know that Social Media is an amazing place that does not suffer when unemployment rises. That said we are creating an Affiliate Program. When you sign up to be an Affiliate of Sahara Scents you promote our amazing Soy Candles on every social media site that you have. Every time someone orders through your link you are paid commission even if you order for yourself. Who wouldn’t want to share links and get paid. Check us out at http://www.saharascents.com and click on Affiliate Program to hear more.

Stephanie McNair 1 year ago

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Best Realtor in McAllen 1 year ago

the hardest part for me is finding new friends, its just so hard to find some new friends in my community specially most of the moms are working, the only time to meet new people is Sunday which is a family day..

ayesha 1 year ago

I really enjoyed this article. But for me as a parent to 3 lovely kids age ranges between 2 to 8 years old. I much more like them to stay at home rather than going outside and running around streets and meeting strangers that will cause dangers to them. Of course we admit that Tablets and smartphones can cause dangers too but is more far from getting abducted, raped and so on. I have introduced them to advance technology as this is a part of our society now and every kid as I believed should be entitled to know more about it since in this generation it is a big plus for kids now who knows technology and eventually use it for the future. All parent should do is know how to control and limit their playing time. And base on my research while struggling to limit my kids playing games on tablets and smartphones I have landed to a very helpful to all that limit what time they can use the tablet, control them and at the same time help them study mathematics. This Screenshot Ninja helps us parents to monitor them while we are busy working. So when their play time expires and they still want to play more they have to solve mathematics problem to gain more. Yeah its fantastic! As I have seen my daughters passionately solving it to gain more play time credits even my 3 year old daughter is asking me, “MOMMY what’s the answer to 2+7?” and I let her count and then all I know is that my daughter can solve math now. 😀

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Judy@Mommy Today Magazine 1 year ago

I agree on doing something of your own. You tend to get in the whole motherhood frame of mind where you can talk only talk about school issues or teething. I have taken up an advanced Excel course and want to learn another language. If you at some point re-enter the workplace, those skill just come in handy.

thandi 1 year ago

Im a a fulltime mum of a 8year old girl and a 5year old boy. It is sometimes very difficult isolated. It seems that people that is working dont think fulltime mum have stresss. Comments will be what do you do all day?. I needed to get my identity back as a person and started selling handbags . I feel alive again

Nancy M. Silva, MD 1 year ago

I recently became a SAHM. Having a second child & working FT as a doctor would mean a big loss for my family & family life. It’s a difficult transition that I just wrote about on my blog drsilvatotstweensandteens.com. I’ve added the link to your post in my article as it’s very helpful, real, down-to-earth and offers good advice. Thanks for a great article!

Rubi Rod 1 year ago

Not that I want to complain but da damn! All 6 Sooo true

Cassie House 1 year ago

I’m at this phase now were I really feel like I need to get out and work again. I haven’t worked since November of last year and this is the longest I have been off in the past 10 years. I am not the most sociable person but I DO miss interaction with adults. Much more than I thought.

LizzyinBoston 1 year ago

Blah, blah, blah. Soooo sick of hearing about this “issue”, i.e. stay-at-home moms vs. working moms. At the end of the day, as long as you love you children, give them unconditional love, support and direction, along with a roof over their head and food in their belly, the rest doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, we ALL love our children nd want what’s best for them, regardless of our professional and personal choices.

Get over it and let’s move on to bigger issues. Be happy with your choices in life and set a good example based on your own happiness and confidence. Those are the best qualities we can instill in our children.

Karla F. Neville 1 year ago

Best job on the world! Miss it!

Teresa Johnson 1 year ago

Yoga pants: not so comfortable if you haven’t shaved you legs for a week. Wahhhh!!!

Chloe Sebaugh 1 year ago

Ha ha!

Brandy 1 year ago

I hate being a SAHM. I miss adults. Even the dumb adults. I am lucky if I make it in pants, let alone YOGA pants. My kids RUN the house. They OWN the TV. They LOVE their father more than me. I am always the bad guy. My husband doesn’t get it. He never will. All he thinks is that I sleep all day and play. No. Actually I also work from home. I would pay money to watch him do it for longer than a day. *sigh* It’s good to know that I am not the only one who hates life as much as I do. Only a few more years…… Then they are the public school’s problem.

Shannon Stark King 1 year ago

I used to feel like this all the time. Luckily when kids get older it changes. I almost miss it and would like one more day. Not really!

Shauna Gunnink 1 year ago

Except I never wanted to go back to work!

Vanessa Vail Jensen 1 year ago

Number 4! I have been home with my son for 15 months & I have nothing of my own. I suck

Kelly Gates 1 year ago

Soooo true!

Cheryl Fuentes Fonseca 1 year ago

Omg, I love this :)

Samantha Evans 1 year ago

Wait….yoga pants aren’t considered dress pants?! Oops and I’ve been thinking how classy and put together I look as I stroll around the grocery in my sleek black yoga pants. Hehe :)

Mandy Engelbrecht 1 year ago

wed play group was my saving grace, & then it was pre-school, but it is NOT a walk in the park as you so rightly point out…

Catherine Zielinski 1 year ago

This is some real stuff right here.

Judy Hagen 1 year ago

I love number six!

Anna Schaeffer 1 year ago

I don’t wear yoga pants but maxi skirts…you bet!

Michelle Painter 1 year ago

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Angie Nelson Stara 1 year ago

Well said. Well. Said.

Nicole 1 year ago

I tried to be a stay at home mom. We had just moved to a different country, my son was a year old. And I didn’t want to go back to work. So I stayed at home and had another child. I should have had this list to begin with. While things like being in yoga pants came naturally, friends and an outlet outside of home didn’t.. I was very very lonely, frazzled, unhappy and then depressed. I am sure this is not the average stay at home mom experience but to this day I admire all of you. I think it is so hard what you do. I wish I could and to this day I feel I have sort of failed because I couldn’t. Going back to work was the best thing that happened to me. It made me a better person and a better mom.

Hannah Fabiani 1 year ago

Wow this is so spot on thank you!

Momma’s gone crazy 1 year ago

This made me lol, thanks :)

Heather Holter 1 year ago

I think older kids are much harder than little kids because it requires so much thinking. Plus more expensive and lots of scheduling. Little kids you just have to play and keep them clean and fed. I only have kids 6-12 and I hear teens are the hardest yet. Not looking forward to it. I wish I could turn them all little again.

Jen Fictum 1 year ago

My dressed up days I put on the yoga pants.

Sara Lentfer 1 year ago

Sara have you found one of these about Full time working SAHM? Lol.

Angela Craven 1 year ago

I think when you say the kids are the boss is not necessarily because they say and you do but you need to feed them, take them places like sporting events or other activities, bathe them, until they can on their own, when they are really young they cry you go to see what’s wrong and what you can do, you don’t truly schedule your day around what you want but whst they need when so they are in control in that manner. Would you not leave am event of your child was overly tired, or sick, or out of control in a tantrum? If yes then they aster in control. Control does not mean they write the rules but they depict what you plan for the day. If I didn’t have kids I would not spend time at soccer or taekwondo I would meet with friends I don’t see, read all day, or go out but I chose to stay with my kids so my day is centered on what they need.

Andrea Stranghoener 1 year ago

As a mommy blogger, who follows many other fellow bloggers, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts! Sharing for sure! :)

Meg Cooper 1 year ago

#6 speaks volumes

Jennifer Goodall Lauer 1 year ago

#2 & #4

Tut TheSphynx 1 year ago

People do realise putting on yoga pants takes the same amount of time and effort as real pants……right? Go for it, once in a while. Wear real clothes in public.

Tut TheSphynx 1 year ago

I stayed home until they were 11 and 12.

Jocelyn Pignolet 1 year ago

My husband asked me what my definition of stay at home mom is…this is 6 years in and he apparently wants a stay at home HOUSEKEEPER!

Christi 1 year ago

Nope… and that’s OK. I know that I’ve gotten to the point where I will do a “super clean” when I know company is coming, but for the most part, as long as nothing is about to fall on the little one’s head and there aren’t enough crumbs on the floor/counters to feed critters, it’s all good. They’ll be old enough to do chores soon enough. :-)

Christi 1 year ago

For the most part, pretty dead on… though I feel I must take exception to #2. My husband and I often tell each other how much we appreciate the other does to provide for and nurture our family, but I will concede it takes a cognizant effort. If you make it a priority to express your love and appreciation, so will he… and it makes everything a little bit easier. However, it has to go both ways. Start by making it a habit of your own to say “Thank you” and “I love you” at least once a week… and then build. You’ll find that he will start reciprocating. It takes next to no time or effort, but the payoff is huge. And once you both are in the habit of appreciating one another (the random text message love note in the middle of the day, a pack of cookies thrown into his lunch/ briefcase, the surprise pint of Ben & Jerry’s he brings home from work, etc…) it will make you both feel great, loved and remind you why you took this insane challenge called “family” in the first place. And the kids pick up on it, which is great for them too.

MarySunshine 1 year ago

Bah! Errors galore. Note to self don’t write blog comments after 9PM; your brain is mush.

MarySunshine 1 year ago

In respects to what mothers today think of motherhood- I think the difference between mothers of “today” and mothers of “yesterday” is the vocalization that parenting is not easy. Parenting is not always fun and no matter how prepared you think you are (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially), you really aren’t.

We have the ability to connect with other moms and dads (in those spare quiet moments we get) and we’re realizing we’re not alone in our thinking and feeling. “Oh man am I am having a really crappy day with the kids! Oh! You are, too? Hallelujah, I’m not alone.” I think part of the problem lies with those who was nostalgic over motherhood are far enough removed from the their days in the trenches to remember how miserable some times were. When we’re pregnant and waddling around and our husbands are nervous wrecks over getting the car seat in just right we hear how wonderful motherhood is. How joyous each and everyday is. I agree, motherhood is a blessing. But I would be bold-faced liar if I said it was wonderful and easy and joyous.

So in my mini-novel I guess what I’m trying to say is- yes you read some negative blog posts about motherhood and parenting in general. You can look at them like they are someone’s definitive opinion on the matter or, you can view them as one day in a lifetime of days being a parent. We all have bad days and it’s nice to know we’re not alone.

Debra Levine Curry 1 year ago

Emilia Gordon= great blog for new and ‘old ‘ moms!!

Tracy Hartman Darmofal 1 year ago

i will say this (after being a working mom and now a stay at home one even though i have a very, very small business) my husband sees that being with three kids all day (two in school but he still sees it as three) is not an easy thing and gives me lots of credit for what I do. Even when there are no meals on the table for him, dishes still in the sink and me about to go bat shit crazy. Yup, I got a good one for sure and he is awesome about making sure he recognizes as being Mom (working or at home) is a tough job.

Lauren Komenda Phillips 1 year ago

Kristen Phillips Myers Any of this familiar to you? It is to me lol!

Michelle Russell Spradling 1 year ago

I’m struggling with this….actually, losing lots of sleep. My daughter is 19 months and I’m working full time. It’s getting harder and harder every day to leave her. I’m tired of driving to work crying because my husband had to pry her off me while she’s screaming and crying (so he can take her to daycare.) I’m also terrified to leave my job. Will I be able to successfully enter the working world once she goes to school? What to do….what to do?!

Alisa Aaland 1 year ago

I have been a stay at home mom for about 6yrs. This list is perfect! Keep up the good work SAHM’s!

Carla Keller 1 year ago

I have to agree being a sahm can be BRUTAL. Most days. I have three kids, 6and under and 4 is due next month. 2 of my kids are autistic and one goes to therapy.
The gym? I joined it and worked out 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. That’s right Mom of three with a 6 pack. I hate excuses. Unless it’s pregnancy. 😉
I pick my daughter up from therapy DRESSED. NOT yoga pants. Although I love me some yoga pants.
Kids are not the boss. Any parent that let’s their child rule the roost has it coming 10 fold. Excuse me, but I’M the adult and this is MY house. I think this article is flawed and that while I am so far from being perfect and I think I lost at least a half head of hair today that these “things ” you say parents must know is really just a result of lazy parenting. These things can happen often enough but it’s not or shouldnt be everyday life for stay at home moms.

Angela Craven 1 year ago

My house looks like it takes all of stuff each day and throws up. This list is great. I am a SAHM but I also work as a dog walker/trainer. I only train dogs when I can find someone to watch the kids. When I walk dogs I take all three (5, almost 3 and 1) with me. On top of that I homeschool yet some people always ask if I am going back to work or if my oldest will start school next year. I always am like I may be stressed and they may annoy me but if I wasn’t here I would miss so many funny moments!

Karla Young 1 year ago

well she got food in the kitchen!!!!!

Daniella Kuzmich 1 year ago

Redefine success. This is so crucial! Especially if you are an overachiever, you will work hard all day and feel like nothing got done. You can do this moms!

Kendra Glass 1 year ago

Very true

Katie Elizabeth 1 year ago

I am 5 months into this stay at home business. I do not have yoga pants. I wish i did. I am super lonely even though surrounded by people (small, but still technically people). I am recently off caffeine. So beer and netflix til i get the rest together. :)

Sam Hughes 1 year ago

Wouldnt change it for the world tho :)

Sam Hughes 1 year ago

No.6 has always been my mantra,’its a phase,its a phase,its a phase’…
Trouble is,they grow out of 1 phase and into another….

Kris Mudrock 1 year ago

Am I the only SAHM whose house is always a disaster?! It’s impossible to get anything done with my almost-3-year-old running around and almost-8-month-old now on the move.

Katie Kaiser 1 year ago

One of my favorite articles!

Mariana Mendez 1 year ago
erma 1 year ago

Thank you for this article. I thought that i was going crazy or the biggest failure in the world. Thank you

Angela Moss 1 year ago

This is very accurate. Thank you

Melissa Carter Farrell 1 year ago

Exactly

Amy Paschal Keister 1 year ago

I really felt like I lost a little part of me when I quit work to stay at home. I just about went crazy for the first year and a half, but now I’m back in school working on my bachelor’s degree and will finish right before my youngest starts school. It at least makes me feel like I’m working toward a goal.

Melissa Kay Hampton 1 year ago

Loved this!

Irish Bz 1 year ago

Funny. A lot of this is true. And I agree with Brittany- it is lonely. Guess I’m lucky with #2, because my husband complements me daily & acknowledges how hard it is to be home with the kids. This made me appreciate that!!

Mary 1 year ago

Not so. Some of us, who write for a living, are just as passionate about proper spelling and grammar as Debbie is about positivity in parenting.

Grammar is important, whether you like hearing that or not. As they say, grammar is like personal hygiene. Ignore it if you will, but people will draw their own conclusions.

Alisha Price 1 year ago

#6…SO true. I miss my days with my kiddos. May be feeling it especially hard with one getting married and another graduating HS and only having A at home now. Wish I could spend more time with him though. :(

Brittany Ann 1 year ago

Its lonely as fuck should be the Number 1. (sigh)

Michelle Eden-Duval 1 year ago

loved this!!

Tara 1 year ago

This is hilarious! I’m a ‘Work from Home Mom’ but esteem to be a ‘SAHM’, though I still need an income so I just started with Rodan + Fields. If anyone wants to join me on the journey to become a SAHM, then come on! wschott@myrandf.biz We can go yoga pants shopping together! LOL!

Zubaer 1 year ago

Really a nice & interesting article. Now it’s an easy way to earn for you. You can get this opportunity to earn with “Own A Mall”. Make Money. http://ownamall.com .Fast because the company’s staff closes sales for you. So easy

Sharif 1 year ago

There are many things to becoming a home mom among them six things are one of the most.Without these a mom can not think that she is perfect to her child.They should take care of her child,play with them as friendly,supply the things which are needed to them etc.Without these things a mom can not become an ideal mom.

Stephanie 1 year ago

When I had my son, I knew I needed something I could do from home to be able to support him, without having to rely on strangers to take care of him. I never found a real WAH “Job,” but I did find a great work-from-home business that has the potential to build a 6 figure income in just a few years without home parties or products to inventory. It was rough getting started, but what really helped me was plugging in to Dani Johnson’s FREE bootcamp on smarternetworker.com. Whether or not you’re looking to work from home, the bootcamp is invaluable. It helped me so much, and it’s completely free! (No trials, no credit card required.) I hope it helps you, too!

paige 1 year ago

I agree with you Mrs.Debbie! I understood everything you said perfectly fine despite the couple of mundane errors people think that because they understand a fraction of the grammar rules they can criticize everybody else.

Christiane 1 year ago

Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but after going through
a few of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m certainly delighted I came across it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!

Stephanie Morton 1 year ago

Cristy Comrie you can shoot me a message and I would love to talk with you more. 😉

Elle Ibanez 1 year ago

GREAT ARTICLE!!!!! We have three kids and my husband stayed home for two years with the first two while getting his MBA. He went back to work, I was still working and became pregnant with baby #3. I now stay home with all three, but I’m glad he got a taste of what it’s like to be home with kids because now we both appreciate the other more and we totally relate to one another. And he’s extremely hands on! Your article was spot on– and almost word for word some of the thoughts that run through my head!

Katie 2 years ago

I found a great company that focuses on living a natural and healthy lifestyle. While being able to earn an income staying home with your kids. Take a look at http://scarymom.momsprovide.com

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Katie 2 years ago

I found a great company that focuses on living a natural and healthy lifestyle. While being able to earn an income staying home with your kids. Take a look at http://scarym.momsprovide.com

Myriam Borg 2 years ago

Doing Life On Her Own Terms….. here caught
leaving her favourite “office”; which consists of a super comfy couch, her
beloved dell laptop with wireless ‘everything’ at her finger tips…. Myriam says
“ Today, my babies live a life of privilege; This is the life I wanted for
myself and my family!”

Now any one that tells you that you don’t have to work for
success is lying to you, and anyone that tells you that it’s not worth it is
also lying to you!

http://cre8recovery.com/jobs-to-work-from-home/

Stephanie Morton 2 years ago

P.S. I need to do 4 more often. 😉

Stephanie Morton 2 years ago

Well said! I think all parents that are contemplating whether to go back to work or to become a sahm should definitely read this article! It's not easy and to me it is so rewarding! There are days I want to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs but I look back and realize that it really isn't that bad! Me having the ability to be a stay at home mother of my four beautiful daughters and own my own successful home based business is so rewarding! There are days when things around the house are crazy and I don't get the tasks done that need to be done but at the end of the day I know that I am apart of my children s' lives daily. I get the "oh you just stay at home with your kids all day long that must be nice?" and my response is usually mind boggling because "yes I "just" stay at home with my kids all day, and I love it! The fact that I can be home with them and enjoy the moments I will never get back and build a business from the comfort of my home while making more money than most people working 40 plus hours a week… yeah it is pretty nice! !"

Larry Wall 2 years ago

THIS IS HOLLY USING HER HUSBANDS ACCOUNTS LOL

ANYWAYS…

It's tough being a mom (I'm a mother of 2) but there are 2 confirmed working ways you can make easy money from home that I have found and trust me, it took a lot of failures before arriving at these 2 sites…take a look at 2 major websites I use as a STAY-AT-HOME-MOMMA to help my family out financially.

This first site gives away cash to people who do signups from home (you have to have a paypal account and reach the $10 minimum to receive an instant payment) pointstackers dot com

This second website you can use to lock your blog content (if you're an at-home blogger like me) and you earn a substantial commission everytime someone completes a zip or email submission on one of the offers that appear on your content locker, here that one is: fileswag dot com

Only thing required is that you have to have a paypal account to receive payments over the internet. It's easy just sign up at http://paypal.com and go through the process of linking it to your bank account, they will deposit some cents into your bank account then you confirm it after it hits the bank and voila, you're ready to start getting paid automagically momma!

Anyways! I hope this helps a few struggling moms out there because it sure has helped me!

Merry Christmas (its midnight, my 2 are in bed with huge smiles this year)
Holly Wall

Krisha Leasure Stewart 2 years ago

im a stay at home mommy, fairly new to the game, I have an etsy site with cute baby item (and adding more everyday) all stay at home parents are welcome to use my promo code sid1203 for 20% off their purchase total https://www.etsy.com/people/kls4052011?ref=si_pr

Bethany @ Homeschool 2 years ago

Allison! Great writing! You had me in stitches from the get go. I’m in yoga pants right now, sista!

Jessica 2 years ago

Love this post! I couldn’t agree more with the kids being in charge and finding new friends that understand what you’re going through. Once you get these two things, it starts to get slightly easier.

Susan Martel 2 years ago

I love scarymommy and this post is just another reason why. I wear yoga pants EVERYWHERE, they are a necessity for any stay home mom. Yet another great post, thanks Allison!

Stephanie Lormand 2 years ago

I spent a week sewing custom-minecraft-lunch boxes for my kids (don't judge– they ate hot dogs 3 times). The day after my 4 year old asked if I was done with his new belt.

Just once I'd like some praise for my perfectly, crust-free PB&J.

Mac 2 years ago

LOVE this!!

ALLPARENTSONDECK, LLC 2 years ago

Parents, need this resource when they stay at home with their children.

Sharon Edwardsbillings 2 years ago

Such a cool resource for parents, who make the plunge to stay at home and raise their children.

Sharon Edwardsbillings 2 years ago

@Belinda, so true about the article and needing it many years ago. When, I was a stay-at-home mom, there wasn't any information to glean from. My daily treat was one hour with Oprah on her television show at 4pm. That's how I made it through.

Debbie 2 years ago

I would rather concentrate on the blog post and not someones spelling or grammar in the comment they make. However I do love reading the comments.
Jessica after hearing your comments to me, I do not believe you are rude, you are being yourself and grammar is very important to you.

Look forward to seeing a blog from you.
Have a great day, I plan too!
Debbie

Frankie Laursen 2 years ago

Excellent points. I’m working really hard not to let my perfectionism try to run my day because I’m already feeling crazy enough with my kids telling me how I’m not doing things right, not giving them enough attention, etc.

I waited until my oldest was six years old, but I’ve finally allowed myself a real outlet, my blog. It meant putting my 3-year-old daughter in preschool and daycare four days a week, but I am such a happier wife and mommy now.

Thank you for these reminders of what it’s like to be a SAHM.

Avitta Afanador 2 years ago

I liked reading this…

HD 2 years ago

I liked the reminder to not take our spouses for granted. Both of us work and I know I keep track of who does more around the house. I’m working at getting better about asking for help (even though I don’t think I should have to) instead of bitterly holding it in and keeping score.

MomChalant 2 years ago

I give SAHM SO many kudos because I did it for 6 months and lost all sanity I had. But I do miss the yoga pants.

Charity 2 years ago

I thought the same thing. My husband and I are the reverse. He is the stay-at-home-dad. I tell him all the time that I appreciate everything he does for our girls and he, in-turn, tells me that he appreciates me getting up early and going to work every day. We sometimes wish our situations were reverse, but they are what they are out of circumstance and we have to make peace with that. We learned with our first daughter that no one wins the game of “I do more,” or “I have it worse.”

Jessica 2 years ago

There is a difference between “knocking” your grammar and pointing out obvious corrections you need to make if you want to come across as a blogger gathering research. I don’t think I said anything rude, so take it as it is and try to improve your writing. Or don’t; your choice.

Rebecca Flansburg “Franticmommy” 2 years ago

Yoga pants and a hoodie. The official uniform of this WAHM :)

caitie 2 years ago

I have to disagree because I think you absolutely should expect encouragement from your spouse as well as give it. No, you probably won’t get it from your children but your spouse is your partner and fellow parent. You are a team. Lift each other up. If you don’t, who will?

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons 2 years ago

Yes! Yes! Yes!! Especially #3-6!! :-)

Lauren (Don’t Lick the Trash Can) 2 years ago

This was great and so true. For two years, I loved nothing nothing more than my yoga pants!

S 2 years ago

Let’s get down to the real point of this story: what is the big deal about yoga pants/sweatpants/leggings? They are super comfortable and can still be made to look good. :) I wore these all the time before becoming a SAHM. Maybe I’m the only one hehe.

Maureen 2 years ago

I wish they yoga pants when I was home with my kids. My oldest did tell me he was glad that I was home when he was young.He is now 25.

Allison 2 years ago

DO IT, come join us! It is so pretty and lovely here. 😉
Thanks so much for your comment!

Allison 2 years ago

This is a beautiful, honest post. Thank you for sharing this and for your comment. Everyone has to follow their heart, for sure. And the SAHM business is not right for everyone all the time. I was fortunate in that I was at a career crossroads when our first baby arrived anyhow and knew that whatever I was doing was “starting over.” The timing was just good for me to make the decision I did. I do think that the business world is opening up a little more with flexibility and nearly all the women I know who stay-at-home are still able to keep one toe in the water when it comes to work and career. I am hopeful that this is a new wave of opportunity for us women that will become more normal. Fingers crossed…

Allison 2 years ago

This is very wise advice, thank you so much for this. I agree, husbands should pitch in, help out, and spend time with their children. I have found that most of the guilt I have when it comes to me going out is self-inflicted. Hard lesson to learn. http://www.godanskermom.com/2013/06/26/moms-night-out/

Allison 2 years ago

I still can’t believe we live so close to each other…and NEVER SEE EACH OTHER. Let’s change that, mmmkay?

Allison 2 years ago

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply. I love what you shared. And I love that you were able to follow your heart and make the decisions best for you! (& brains are overrated, right? I mean, that scarecrow is FAMOUS and he didn’t have one)

Allison 2 years ago

I feel like this is a eureka moment: LEGGINGS! Thanks for stopping in – as you know, I so admire you.

Allison 2 years ago

I wrote another post on my blog called the “I Never Game for Parents” and there was a line about having a glass of wine on a “playdate.” So, clearly, that is cool with me! I am in even if we have to Google Chat it.

Allison 2 years ago

AMEN! Thanks for that!

Jamie 2 years ago

Yes! Identifying other drinking mom’s has been a goal of mine :-) We must unite!

Allison 2 years ago

I am so happy that this resonated with you! Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts. And I like that smiling + screaming were words you used together. That about sums it up!

Allison 2 years ago

There are so many ways I love you Ilene. Thanks so much for stopping in to say HI and for the support! (& get on me about getting my yoga practice back on track… I need the encouragement)

Allison 2 years ago

OF COURSE. And can we please be BFFs?

Ilene 2 years ago

Great to see you here Allison! True story: I have 5 pairs of IDENTICAL yoga pants. It’s my SAHM uniform. They are comfortable and kind of flattering and it’s easy. And yes, once you have kids, go get some new friends who understand. My mom group when my kids were little saved my butt big time. And yes, it’s so fleeting. These days, I can have an hour or more of uninterrupted times to do yoga or write a blog post while all of my kids are *in the house* with me. It goes fast. Great advice girl. xo

Jamie 2 years ago

Um, does wine tasting and happy hour count as that thing that is ‘just yours’ to help keep your sanity? Hope so!

Jamie 2 years ago

Well said!

TK 2 years ago

This is by far the most honest post I have seen about being a SAHM. I am one too, and it was such a relief reading all this. I was smiling all along, because I’m not the only one who wants to scream sometimes!

Lee 2 years ago

I agree with everything in this … except one: this does not only apply to SAH moms. Working moms should remember these things too: I have no shame wearing yoga pants in the office, I rely on my mommy friends for support, and the kids rule the house AND my work schedule.

Michelle McNamara Norgaard 2 years ago

Awesome lol

Liz Steininger Benishek 2 years ago

Awesome, so true:)

Jessica Smock 2 years ago

So true! There are so many wonderful things about being a SAHM mom. But it’s truly not going to be what you expect. I love the flexibility and I get to wear leggings every day. (I actually wear leggings more than yoga pants.)
And I agree 100% that you need to find your “thing”: something outside of your family and your house to keep all of your own. For me, that’s mainly been blogging. (It’s no longer running; my waistline can tell the difference!)

Erin Lane 2 years ago

Rock on Mama!

Jacqueline 2 years ago

Such a great post. I need to find some mommy friends ASAP! I stopped working 2 months and am slow to embrace the yoga pants, but I am def on my way. Still trying to figure out this stay at home thing.

Laura 2 years ago

Such truth! I was a SAHM for both my kids for several years each before I went back to work (they were separated by 8 years, so I had to quit two times to become a SAHM), and I’ve never regretted a second of it. I also didn’t regret going back to work when the time was right. But after my second, I found the perfect compromise — a job I could do at home that was flexible enough I could have time for my kids, and work when they were at school or after they were asleep.

Not everybody can find something that flexible, but it was certainly the perfect solution for me — although, honestly, it was harder sometimes to convince other moms that I was at home working than it was kids, that there were times I couldn’t just drop everything and rush over and help out with a PTA project.

I honestly don’t think there’s a big difference in the career paths of women who stay at home while their kids are small and those who go right back to work. There was once upon a time, but when women see my resume with the periods that say “Stayed home with kids,” they’re often envious that I was able to manage it since I realize that not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to afford it no matter how much they want to. It can be a big financial sacrifice, and there were many, many days when I felt like what little brains I had left were melting out of my head! But for me, it was a good decision.

Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered) 2 years ago

YES. And just when I didn’t think I could adore you more? You write this and I so do. :)

days on my own 2 years ago

So true! The time flies, my child is in 7th grade and I am now in that other category…”Iamstillhomebutreallyshouldbeworking mom.” Don’t stress about the change in income, days of not hearing another adult except Dr. Oz, uncompleted tasks and taking a nap. It’s good to nap, I still do sometimes. Simply because there is endless tears, rolling of the eyes and sassy “okay”s being lobbed at me now. It is tiring. But I Knew I wanted to be a SAHM and I knew I would miss it when the only one home was me.
Make sure you have “me” time once a week My husband started caring for our child at two weeks just for a few hours. (I just wanted my postnatal haircut.) I was surprised at how many of my friends would tell me their husband would never babysit the kids. Huh???!! It gave me comfort to know he could “handle” it, Sometimes they went to the park early Saturday morning so I could sleep in. He has loved the one on one time and now those are precious memories. They still go out together once a week, just for a few hours to dinner or movie or just to sit at the book store. Being a SAHM doesn’t mean your husband is not supposed to do anything around the house or for/with the kids. Don’t feel like you have to do everything for everyone. The kids can help even a toddler can learn to put toys away and help with laundry. It’s fun to teach them how to do it…sometimes these chores can turn into all day affairs but that is okay. The smiles and I did it, are worth it!

Debbie 2 years ago

Thanks Jessica for the English and spelling course. If you are interested I was a smart enough mom to know that I shouldn’t help my kids with their English class when they were in school.
Now if you through knocking my grammer; have a nice day. And thanks again for the corrections.
We are never to old to learn.
Debbie

Go Dansker Mom 2 years ago

Absolutely! My husband and I try to do this but we lose track and focus among all the crazy. So proud of you and yours for making the effort to make this happen. I am recommitting to this goal!

Carpool Goddess 2 years ago

Oh where was this post umpteen years ago?! P.S. I’m still in my yoga pants :)

Jessica 2 years ago

To help you with your research for your blog:
….”take my hat off to stay at home mom’s” – should be just “moms” not mom’s.

“They do give up a lot for there kids…” – should be “their kids”.

Good luck with the blog.

Grown and Flown 2 years ago

With my youngest in high school this fall I realized that I have profound regrets about being a stay at home mom. I was on the Today Show explaining that it is very difficult to realize the sacrifices you have made until it is too late, no matter how much you love being with your kids! These are my 9 regrets: http://grownandflown.com/regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom/

Kelly 2 years ago

Love this!

momofeveryone 2 years ago

Who has it harder, who is more stressed? Like it’s a giant competition and the most frazzled one wins. But the truth is it is damn hard for everyone.

truer words have never been spoken.

Debbie 2 years ago

Judy, In my opinion have to take my hat off to stay at home mom’s. They do give up a lot for there kids and they are to be admired for that.
As for visiting this blog, I find it very sad at some of the things mothers today say about motherhood. You might call what I am doing research. You see my kids are grown, now I am a grandmother trying to keep up with the changes in motherhood.
I loved every minute of being a mother and now a grandmother. Kids grow up so fast that you have to enjoy ever minute. Even those bad days. Those are the ones that you will look back at someday and laugh.
I did not say scary mommy was a horrible website! It has more negative reading about motherhood rather than postive in many of the post. I find this a little sad, since we as the adults decide to have that baby.
Thanks for helping with my research and teaching me how mothers today think!
Debbie

Belinda Daniels Briggs 2 years ago

Mine are school age now…sure wish I could have read this post 10 years ago! Great!!!

Curious Little Kid 2 years ago

being a stay at home mom is an emotional journey that will have you laughing and crying all at the same time. it's amazingly beautiful, messy and make me want to pull my hair out but I wouldn't change my position as a SAHM for the world :)

Lynn from For Love or Funny 2 years ago

I plan to be a SAHM until my kids are 30 years old…and not a day longer. :)

judy 2 years ago

@allison….
Great article. I love how non-judgemental you are.
@debbie. ….
What the hell?? Nowhere in this piece does this say staying at home is best.
I went to your blog, and you have an article about Scary Mommy being a horrible web site, so I am not sure why you are here reading or commenting.

Momma Bish 2 years ago

I just bought yoga pants this weekend… I am conforming… and starting to embrace.

Shannon VanMilligan Furtah 2 years ago

Love this!

Holly Anne Balish 2 years ago

"As much as we like to think it will happen, our husbands will never walk in to the house after their day and say, “Hey, you did a really great job today! I am so proud of you and don’t know how you do it all!” I mean, how often do you say to your husband, “I know it is so hard to get up every morning, head in to work despite the weather and our adventures here at home, work hard to keep your job, and come home to kids screaming because they are DONE for the day?” Right? We all take each other for granted. So if you are looking for words of encouragement, your partner is not the right place. Don’t expect it."

Maybe it's time we start saying these things to our spouses. Actually, Matt and I DO say these things to each other. We just need to say them more often.

Megan 2 years ago

I remember in a teaching workshop learning that the majority of kids have their first sexual encounter between 3-5. That stuck with me. Lots of kids coming home from school to empty houses & lots of kids needing guidance.

Heather Ann 2 years ago

I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years. This article nailed it. The stress, the loneliness and the WONDER of it all! It really does go by so fast. I substitute teach now so my two girls have me home at the end of the day and on school breaks. Two statements stick in my mind from when I was making the decision to stay home. One was from my co-worker, whose kids were then in college. She told me that quitting my job to stay home was the “best career move I could make.” The second was when someone said “With you children the days are long, but the years are short.” You will look back and be amazed at how fast it all went. But you will also look back knowing you gave all you had to your kids! So. Worth. It. All.

Shelley @ThatGirlShelley 2 years ago

My kids run the house. I wear yoga pants at least 4 (probably 5) times a week. In the process, I dove into a new profession. The life of a SAHM.

Debbie 2 years ago

Hi Allison,
Stay-at-Home Mom’s are the best. But it is not just those first years that are important to kids. Mine always remind me how they loved it when they were in school and come home at the end of the day and I was there to listen to how there day went.
Sometimes as parents we think that those first years are the most important ones to spend with your kids. In reality do you remember the first 5 years of your life?
But we sure remember those years after we started school. If you can get through those first 5 years it does get easier, teen years are more mental, staying ahead of there thinking.
Tip 5 is very important, we all need friends. make sure you make them.
As for appreciation from hubby, it can be amazing how he starts appreciate us ladies when we start giving him appreciation. If nothing else let him know that you need the appreciation. Or take a weekend off and go visit a friend or family member and let him take care of the kids for a few days. This can wake those dads up!
Thank Allison for sharing a mothers world.
Debbie

Jen 2 years ago

Yes to all of it. 100%!

Grace | Yummy Baby Gifts LLC 2 years ago

Being a stay-at-home-mom myself, I love being at home with our girls and being able to work from home. It’s flexible and it’s important to us that they have their mommy around.