Pandemics used to be something we read about in books and then went back to our venti Frappuccino and half-assed handwashing. Those days are over Karen. Coronavirus is the new manager and she didn’t come to play. We are facing a global public health crisis and we need to change our behavior NOW. While the news is more unsettling by the hour, let’s consider a few small life hacks to focus on instead of freaking out.
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Chill out on the panic shopping
Have your children ever eaten garbanzo beans? Um, mine won’t even eat a fresh baby carrot, so taking home 900 cans of exotic legumes is probably not realistic. Stick to your fair share Stephanie, and at least throw a Trader Joe’s turkey chili (actually edible) into your basket instead of 75 rolls of toilet paper.
Think of the grandma who has gone to seven stores and is actually out of toilet paper. She’s risking getting sick just leaving her home and doesn’t need to stand in line behind you and your full shelf of skipjack tuna. Having a month supply of food for family and pets is recommended, just don’t go overboard. Also don’t forget to order prescriptions in advance, have medical center phone numbers handy and check on vulnerable folks in your network. All this is better than more toilet paper. Hello, take a lesson from the Walking Dead. No zombie slayer ever risked life and limb for 3-ply Charmin.
Get with the Bow Now
A woman at a school event extended her hand to greet me the other day and I froze. I really didn’t want to shake, but it felt rude not to. Guess what? RUDE IS THE NEW BLACK! And the bow is the new way to slow the spread of deadly infection. Elbow bump, toe tap, heck even do a hip bump if you are feeling groovy just don’t touch anyone’s actual skin. OK lady at school? Get ready to bow if I ever leave the house again and run into you. For now, I’m totes fine with social distancing so watch me bow over FaceTime.
Make Handwashing a Dance Party
My kids are the most half-assed handwashers ever. I have to constantly send them back to repeat their pathetic handwashing. The only thing that has helped is…. wait for it – The Backstreet Boys. Yes, I want it That Way is quite possibly the best song to prolong handwashing for everyone in your house. Also, if you are like me and a sucker for retro tunes check out these three other beauties with twenty second choruses to keep your suds going long enough to wash away any shred of Coronavirus:
- Africa, Toto – I mean if you are going to be stuck at home with children, you better be teaching them the continents the right way.
- Hit Me Baby One More Time, Brittany Spears – Dare you to try play this and not sing or dance.
- Raspberry Beret, Prince – Hands up for working from home and wearing comfy pants, that look like the kind you find in a secondhand store. Just cover your camera before you go on the VC call with work!
Choose Fact over Panic
Let’s not take this lightly. K? Think of the elderly at risk and the friends our own age who we may not even know have asthma, or compromised hearts or lungs. Our actions matter right now more than ever. So let’s all listen to the experts, take precautions seriously and for god sakes Karen have fun brewing your homemade hand sanitizer (P.S soap works better) but don’t be a racist. PEACE OUT and stay safe Scary Mommies!