Mom. Score. I’m loving this frozen teething thingy that you just gave me. It’s making these two new bottom teeth so much less of a downer.
So, about this diaper-changing thing. We need to work like a team here. Help me, help you, and we will both be much happier. I’ve put together a few best practices for how things could run a little smoother.
Take a read and let me know if you have any questions. Cheers, Mom.
10. I love cold wipes. Seriously, they feel really refreshing, so keep those coming.
9. Respect the folds. I know I’m basically a Michelin man down there, and there is a lot of territory to cover, but please get into all the folds. The effort does not go unnoticed.
8. Sorry in advance for peeing on you. Sometimes you make those funny faces at me, and since I’m feeling so excited to be free of that hot steamy diaper I just can’t help myself.
7. Use the force. I know you always try to be gentle but don’t be shy about bringing on the firm hand with the wiping — really get in there quick and strong. That’s so much better than a million wimpy little wipes.
6. Commando is awesome. Live a little. Let me run around without the diaper once in a while. You know I love the air down there.
5. Up the back means I’m growing. Look I don’t mean to be so over the top (no pun intended) but that should be a sign that we need to move on to the next diaper size. Roger that?
4. Don’t ignore the red. See that teeny red spot on my left cheek? Tomorrow it will triple in size without some TLC. The spray-on ointment is my go-to, so apply it liberally and often.
3. Be on push alert. If my face turns red, it’s time for a change. And maybe some prunes. Enough said.
2. I’d do the same for you. One day, who knows, the tables could be turned, and I’ll be there for you with the same meticulous dedication.
1. I have no desire to use the potty. Just sayin’. Let’s agree to not even bring that up for a while. OK?
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