Tale as old as time. Lingerie questionable AF.
A few weeks ago, we brought you the news of Disney Princess-style bikinis, and though it’s not really our style, we are so here for women who are into it. Now, there’s Disney Princess-inspired lingerie, (not made by actual Disney) and we need to have a chat. Because holy shit, there’s a lot going on here and some of it’s giving us confusing feelings.
It involves some props you’ll need to pick up at the grocery store and a few bows. And straps. So many god damn straps.
If I came sauntering into the bedroom after a long day of mommin’ dressed as Adult Snow White sexily holding an apple, my husband would be on high alert. He’d be like, “Honey, do you have everything you need in life? Are you OK? Is there anything we need to talk about?” He would still have sex with me because, men. But there would be concerns.
And like, let’s talk practicality. After wearing cozy yoga pants all day, does any woman really want to involve herself with this contraption? Because I can promise you my attempting to work my way into this series of pulleys and strings would end in tears, sweat and a visit from the fire department with the jaws of life.
Gee willikers, that’s a lot of straps! Who has time for this shit? Actual princesses, that’s who.
It doesn’t stop with Snow White, either. Behold.
Tale as old as time. Lingerie questionable AF. “Bring out your honey’s inner beast,” opens the description of this little number. You’re going to need sharp teeth to spring yourself free because, check this out.
So now our ass needs to be tied in a corset? Why is that back there? How do you get it tied? We have so many questions.
You can also go the virginal route with this “midnight princess” ensemble, but the screaming kids in the other room will bring you back to reality with a quickness.
Yet another one where you’ll have to possibly plan to live in it forever because, holy fucking straps.
Show him your world in this Arabian nights-inspired get-up that will take 20 minutes to put on and even then, it looks like a titty could still flop out. If it were me, both of them would probably make a break for it. Chiffon is not made for holding in mom boobs.
Speaking of chiffon, anyone else imagining it getting caught up in their crack, or just me?
Logistics of shoving your mom body into these things aside, does anyone really want to channel teenage Disney characters before getting it on? You do you, but there’s something a tad squicky about turning family entertainment into sexy time fodder.
If you do decide to go for it, please promise us you’ll make your husband dress as one of the Seven Dwarves. It’s only right.