Sex is everywhere. There are some who believe it should only be discussed in solitude and privacy. And there are others who believe it’s perfectly acceptable to engage in sexual activity on planes — true story, folks. With so much sex-based discussion, there seems to be only one thing we know for sure: women often get the short end of the stick. (No pun intended.)
Our social customs and even tv programs have normalized women having sex without finishing. Think of it this way: If I was handed a dollar each time I saw or read a sex scene ending with some variation of “did you finish,” I’d be a rich lass.
The gendered nature of sex seems to have something to do with it. We know this because women who have sex with women typically report more fulfilling sex lives than women who don’t. There are plenty of theories for why this is true, but for the sake of this article, we’re going to assume it’s because many men — and plenty of women too, for that matter — are completely in the dark about the female anatomy.
It’s impossible to discuss women’s sexual pleasure without talking about the G-spot. This illusive area is rumored to be the source of Godly sexual pleasure for women, but there’s still a lot of confusion about whether this promised land actually exists and where it’s located.
I’m no doctor, but I am a sexually active woman trying to figure out how to have the best sex possible. So in the interest of better sex for everyone, let’s talk about the G-spot for a minute…
The “G-spot,” which was named after Ernest Gräfenberg, is an erogenous zone that isn’t so much a distinct part of the anatomy as part of the clitoral network. There are many theories, but the G-spot is most widely believed to be the area the urethra, clitoris, and vagina join together and become a source of powerful orgasms.
The G-spot has garnered so much attention that some medical professionals have even developed procedures like the G-SHOT® or the G-Spot Amplification procedure said to be capable of amplifying its effects. However, this and other G-spot aimed procedures, like surgical tissue removal referred to as a G-Spotplasty, aren’t advised as sexual solutions. An obvious reason is there are still many unknowns about female sexual anatomy, but the most important is that there haven’t been enough trials and experimental groups to check their effectiveness or safety. Not to mention, the G-spot isn’t a specific and defined location, as it is part of a broader area of the body and it will likely vary in shape and location from woman to woman like everything else does.
If you want to find your G-spot, it’s best to do a little self-exploration, if you will. You can lay on your back with your legs spread and use two fingers (likely the middle and ring fingers) to stimulate the upper wall of your vagina. It feels ridged, similar to the roof of your mouth, and can be easily felt when you’re aroused. Signs that the area is being stimulated by your hand, during sex, or with toys might include a sudden intense urge to pee that stops as soon as you remove the pressure to the area.
The good news is, pleasure doesn’t discriminate, and the search can be done with a partner too. Couples can all enjoy this scavenger hunt to find each other’s G-spot — and yes, even dudes can get in on the fun (although this piece doesn’t focus on you). If you want to maximize the experience, you can even draw a nice bath with some candles, jazz, and your favorite porn or erotica.
G-spot or not, if the area feels good to you, touch it. Good sex is possible for women, and if we want better sex, we’re going to have to play an active role in the process.
It’s important to acknowledge that playing an active role means different things for different people. For some, it might mean addressing past sexual trauma. For others, that could mean honestly communicating about what does and doesn’t work for us. It can also mean that we have to learn to speak up and demand reciprocity in the sheets. Our sexual partners can’t please us without authentic feedback. And sometimes we need to start with having guilt-free experiences pleasuring ourselves. It’s easier to tell someone else how to please you once you know how to please you.
The truest answer to the question of where the G-spot is might be wherever you get the most pleasure. And like most adventures, it’s the journey that matters so why not make the hunt for it one more reason to get those mind-blowing orgasms that you deserve.