Many women’s claws come out and they assume their ass-kickin’ Matrix stance when they hear some gal say her husband is babysitting.
This man is a father – his children’s legal guardian for flip’s sake. He. Is. Not. Babysitting.
True dat. But a lot of the time, it feels like he might as well be.
1. It’s a business arrangement. You might not have to stick some Jacksons in his waistband, but you’ll pay. Whether it’s a night out with the guys, keeping your yap shut when he ignores the dirty dishes (again!) or some major baum-chicka-wow-wow time, you owe him for his services.
2. You feel like you’re overindulging. Given the pay arrangement outlined above you’ve got to ask yourself, “Can I really afford this?
3. They are only fully employed when you aren’t there or are on your deathbed. Literally on your deathbed. If you are home and not lying in bed with several broken bones and oozing sores someone’s going to ask you to do something.
4. You leave a ton of instructions. You want to make their life easier by making sure they know the schedule, the rules, and things like So-and-so likes her hot-dogs peeled and cut into ½ inch think semicircles.
5. The fear factor. While you’re gone you envision everything from an army of first responders being dispatched to your doorstep to the kitchen floor carpeted in Doritos.
6. You lay down the law regarding TV, Internet and phone use. Because some people need reminding that watching a game or surfing the web for hours on end while the kids do God-knows-what is not the best childcare method.
7. Due to unfamiliarity with the house, you put things out where they can’t be missed. A box of diapers on the kitchen counter seems like overkill. But. . . if someone doesn’t know where you keep fresh tubes of toothpaste should you really leave such matters to chance?
8. Your kids will have a great time doing shit you’d never let them get away with. Goldfish and fruit snacks for dinner. Playing dress up with Mommy’s keep-your-grubby-hands-off new outfit. Going to bed two hours late on a school night. Yes. Yes. And (Dude it’s an effing school night?!) yes.
9. If they clean up and do some laundry you do a happy dance. You didn’t think this was in the job description, so, woo-hoo, this is going above and beyond expectation.
10. Somehow, even when things go not exactly as you’d have liked, everything is fine when you get home.
If you are one of those women whose husbands totally kill it in taking an equal if not greater share of the housework/childcare load, then shut the front door, and know we envy you.
Make your hubs give Daddy lessons to the rest of our dudes, who dance between being an extra child and a full-fledged partner.
So yeah, technically no father should be called the babysitter.
But if the title fits, go make him a t-shirt.
This article was originally published on