One of the most frustrating parts of parenting is feeding your kids. Between the pickiness, whining, tantrums and bargaining for dessert, it’s enough to make anyone throw in the towel and make boxed mac and cheese with a side of dino nuggets six days a week.
But we’re parents and this comes with the territory. We field all the ridiculous requests and endure the never-ending complaints, then start all over the next day making more meals that will be summarily rejected. Luckily, the funny parents of Twitter know the exquisite pain of a kid that will only eat chicken nuggets and are here to make you laugh through all the tears and wasted food.
1. Because, of course.
When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016
It’s Kid Law — what’s on someone else’s plate is infinitely more delicious than anything on their own. Lucky us.
2. Dramatic AF.
When your kids ask what's for dinner, the answer doesn't matter.
They will react like you're about to feed them marinated monkey butts.
— Daisy Chain (@putyoursisterd1) February 6, 2017
Is it like, programmed into a child to writhe around as though they’re in actual pain when you tell them what’s for dinner, even if it’s their “favorite” food? If so, I want a factory reset on my son.
3. Snack is a four-letter word.
I haven't even had lunch yet but by all means offspring, tell me what you'd like for a snack after your second lunch.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) June 15, 2016
I don’t know about ya’ll, but hearing the word “snack” basically makes me break out in hives now. Snacks are the bane of my existence as a parent.
My preschooler is a pretty picky eater for someone who snacks on boogers all day.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) May 5, 2016
Funny how their palate is suddenly so particular once dinner time rolls around.
5. That’s gotta be it.
Same kid who doesn't like the dinner I make only wants to bring lunch from home to school. Must be my recipes for Uncrustables & Goldfish.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) September 21, 2016
Maybe try serving dinner out of his lunchbox? Desperate times and all.
6. End scene.
What I say: Eat the whole thing.
What my kid hears: Eat the whole thing in one bite. Gag. Spit it out. End of dinner. Go play with cars.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 31, 2016
The same drama plays out every night. You know every line. Just give him the god damn cars and pour yourself a glass of pinot.
7. As you do.
If you wake before the birds and ask for breakfast, I'm plunging my hand into a cereal box and throwing it on the floor chicken feed style.
— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@sip_at_home_mom) June 25, 2016
Is this like, abnormal? Because I’ve been doing this since my kids were able to eat solid food. Shrug.
8. Right on time.
My favorite part of every day is exactly 3.8 minutes after dinner, once my kid has declared he's "not hungry" then asks for a snack.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 11, 2017
The dreaded “S” word. Try serving them their vegetable from dinner as a snack.
9. So nice.
Packing a school lunch is nice because someone else throws away all of the food I prepare that my kid doesn't eat.
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) September 21, 2016
You can at least pretend briefly that they ate it. You have no evidence to the contrary.
What's your kids' favorite food to heat up and throw away? Mine is french toast sticks with real maple syrup.
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) December 10, 2016
I prefer chicken nuggets and fries but I also eat them before they get cold. Welcome to why I’m perpetually 10 pounds overweight.
11. Tell us how you really feel.
4yo: You know what the worst food ever is? Poop and pee and this.
*points at the dinner I just cooked*
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) March 6, 2017
Well then. Not mincing words huh, buddy?
12. So, pretty much never?
The sun will burn through its hydrogen fuel and send all of mankind into a fiery demise before my 5 yo finishes her 3 big bites of broccoli.
— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) March 24, 2016
Like an actual post-apocalyptic event. Sounds about right.
13. They literally don’t care.
Me: [hanging off side of cliff begging for help]
My kids: MOMMA CAN YOU GET US A SNACK
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 11, 2017
You could be at death’s door and your kids will still see you as merely a vehicle for producing the almighty snack. It’s nice to be needed? I guess?
14. Parenting hack.
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 12, 2014
Time to be real and save yourself a lot of heartache.
I made food for my son, set it in front of him like he was going to eat it and then we just laughed and laughed.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 21, 2016
Wash, rinse, repeat. Happy feeding, parents!