Remember when food was that stuff you consumed when you were hungry? Me neither. Somehow parenting changes that. Gone are the days of cooking one meal that everyone will eat and consuming food that is actually warm….
1. Everything is stage. It will pass. Just like that penny your baby ingested.
2. On long trips, let your children eat whatever processed crap you can get your hands on.
3. If you count ketchup as a fruit or vegetable, it’s likely your child is eating a balanced diet.
4. Never tell your child that the ice cream truck sells ice cream. Tell them it sells vegetables.
5. If it’s 6 PM and you have not made supper, declare it “Backwards Day” and serve breakfast for dinner. Limit this to 6x per week.
6. Keep an emergency vegetable tray in the fridge. If other parents visit your home, pull it out and appear responsible.
7. Eating your child’s Halloween candy is akin to martyrdom: it saves your kids the pain and humiliation of cavities.
8. Look for opportunities to practice your child’s literacy skills. Buying food with unrecognizable ingredients aids this educational pursuit.
9. Teaching toddlers to smuggle candy into movie theatres is the first step towards teaching them to become financially independent.
10. Realizing that “meal” stands for “Mommy Eats, Always Last” will help you become accustomed to choking down cold food.