How many women out there really feel loved/wanted/romanced on Valentine’s Day? I’ll bet if you did a survey of moms, the percentage would be low. I mean, honestly, what do we really want more than anything? It ain’t flowers, I’ll tell you that. It’s fucking peace and quiet. It’s someone else handling dinner. It’s someone else handling bedtime. And it’s a day without “Mommy can you…” and “Mommy can I…” and “Mommy watch this…” 982 times per day.
So that’s why this holiday kind of sucks and never meets our expectations. Sure, maybe in our 20s, we loved the wining and dining and flowers and chocolates. (Okay, fine. We still like the wine and chocolates. But now we want to stay in our sweats, have our SO hand us the wine and chocolates, and let us be alone to read a book or watch reality TV.)
Especially after a year-long pandemic that has sucked the life out of mothers everywhere, please don’t expect sex, cards, gifts, energy, romance, or really anything from us. Instead, here’s the best Valentine’s Day plan: “I love you, I’ll put the kids to bed, go take some time for yourself.” Boom. You win the V-Day award!
Confessional #25768620“Perfect Valentines Day night... DH brought home take out and while he’s watching tv in another room, I’m watching Ryan Reynolds movies!!”
Confessional #25768573“all other members of the household are in a bad mood today. guess I'll just hide in my room with a good book. happy valentines day to me!”
Confessional #1695573“I have acne from shark week, a gigantic cold sore from stress, rashes from my wheat allergy, and negative balances in both bank accounts. Happy Valentines Day, H!”
Confessional #1603909“"Sorry Hun but my hemorrhoids hurt" not something I ever thought i'd be saying on valentines day :(”
Seriously, the chances of us feeling romantic are… slim to none. How about letting us do a face mask, take a hot bath, and snuggle up with a good book instead?
Confessional #25768398“Since last night "SO" told me to "make an effort" for Valentines day I will make sure I come down with a "cold" so he can go fuck himself some more until he "makes an effort" to spend less money on himself every month and not leave me covering everything.”
Confessional #21520758“I got nothing for H for Valentines day. He had the audacity to be shocked and hurt after treating me like shit for ten years and refusing my pleas for a separation. Now maybe he will believe me that I dont want to be with him anymore.”
Confessional #21511334“When DH and I were first married I tried twice to plan a nice Valentines Day. When DH never reciprocated I stopped. Fast forward 27 years and when DH wished me a Happy Valentines Day tonight all I could muster in response was, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."”
Confessional #21500829“My marriage is in a really bad place right now, in fact we fought last night and this morning. I just want Valentines Day to be over. It feels like I will never be in a happy relationship again.”
Confessional #25766035“Single and currently online looking for the roses I am going to send myself at work on Valentine's day. I don't care, everyone thinks I am married and unaware I'm divorced now..and I want flowers on Valentines day delivered at my job!”
Confessional #9790291“I am most definitely plotting to secretly go buy a bunch of discounted boxes of chocolate the day after Valentines Day to stash in the garage and eat all by myself.”
Confessional #2618656“Suppose to be working....reading confessions....eating breakfast...boberry biscuit, cupcake, potato chips......Happy Valentines Day to me!!!! My fat ass can get slim another day!!!”
Confessional #21498829“I buy valentines gifts for my DC, my DH and myself. That way I know I will have a happy valentines day too.”
Confessional #1603667“For valentines day I plan to eat about 30 cupcakes then settle into a warm bath with a bottle of vodka.”
Confessional #25757009“I don't even bother to ask where DH wants to eat for birthday/anniversary/Valentines day - his answer is ALWAYS "Japanese steak house". He's 50 yrs old, but he's as enthralled and delighted as a child to watch the chef put on his cooking performance.”
Confessional #21562401“My husband got me a 1000 miligram weed brownie for Valentines Day. He gets it”
Confessional #1535108“DH asked me if I'd rather flowers or a bag of pot for valentines day, since they cost the same. I picked pot”
Confessional #21521333“DH and I are a perfect match this Valentines Day. We both got each other a card but forgot to write in it. They will probably never see the tip of a pen but it’s the thought that counts right.”
If you are in a committed relationship, Valentine’s Day turns out a shit-ton better when you’re on the same page and know exactly what each other wants and is expecting. Especially if that expectation is a weed brownie over flowers that will die in three days.
Confessional #21505885“Valentines Day 1981: Forced to make boxes for school. Carried my completely empty box on my lap on the school bus all the way home. Not a single Valentine. Not even from the teacher. Remains the single, saddest, worst day of my life.”
Confessional #21501797“My 2nd husband walked out on me and my 3 kids last valentines day. Literally dropped me off at the end of our driveway and said I have stupid kids and a pisshole house and didn't live up to his dream of what we were supposed to be for him. Sad day.”
Confessional #21503672“I hate valentines day. No one loves me enough to make me feel special.”
Confessional #21619532“I hate this life. It all sucks. Valentines Day still haunts me. I want chocolate and a man to fuck me..”
For lots of people, this manufactured holiday serves no purpose other than dredging up painful memories and making us feel entirely alone. And that, frankly, sucks.
So, listen. This is not a real holiday that requires your time or energy if it doesn’t serve you. If you love Valentine’s Day because it gives you a reason to shower your loved ones with affection, have at it. But if February 14 is a dark, depressing day for you every year, change what this day means for you. Maybe it’s a day you binge your fave show on Netflix, order takeout, and snuggle under your warmest, softest blanket. Maybe it’s a day you buy yourself your favorite chocolates and flowers because you deserve to spoil yourself with love. Or maybe it’s a day that your kids surprise Grandma with a Valentine’s Day care package on her front porch, or bring donuts to the local fire station, or send their teachers thank you notes for being awesome. This can be a day to put out lots of love into the world, even if the card aisle says you need romance or a fancy dinner. Because the truth is, you don’t.
Valentine’s Day is whatever you make it. Personally, I plan on making it a takeout night, wearing my comfiest sweats, and binge-watching “Schitt’s Creek.” (Also known as pretty much every other weekend during this pandemic.) And it’s gonna be glorious.