Ah, Elf on the Shelf. He’s a divisive little creature with parents falling in one of two camps: love him, or hate him. Many parents who do the Elf on the Shelf for their children take great pride in coming up with fun scenarios for the Elf that their kids eagerly discover the next morning. Some simply ferry him from one place to another and keep things light. While others forget to move the Elf most nights and kind of give up halfway through. But one thing all parents can probably agree on is that the entire thing can be a giant pain in the ass. Even the biggest Elf lovers must have moments where they want to toss that creepy little bugger into the garbage disposal. The parents of Twitter certainly understand and are not at all shy about letting out their Elf-related frustrations.
1. You could always suffocate him.
As I jammed the cold, lifeless body in a plastic bag so the kids wouldn’t find it, I whispered softly, “Good riddance, Elf on the Shelf.”
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) November 27, 2015
Don’t lie. You know you’ve fantasized about putting the damn thing out of it’s misery. And yours.
2. It’s so tempting.
*stands in the middle of Toys R Us* ELF ON THE SHELF IS A LIE!!! — KC of TX (@kcmoore51) November 28, 2014
You could end it all for so many beleaguered parents and in the midst of holiday stress, it could start to feel like a viable option.
3. Facebook feeds full of Elf-scapes.
It’s almost that time of year where I don’t care where your kid found the Elf on the Shelf.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 17, 2015
No other parents want to see your Elf ice skating rink made out of a baking pan and your own blood, sweat and tears. Don’t bother posting the pictures. Trust us.
4. Maybe an advent calendar full of mini bottles of liquor?
Like an advent calendar but counting down the days until this elf on a shelf is over. — Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 17, 2014
Once the novelty of the first few days wears off, it starts to feel like a chore. A month-long ordeal that would go a lot smoother with little grown-up treats along the way.
5. He’s sees you when you’re sleeping. And stares when you’re awake.
Elf on the Shelf is a great way to get kids accustomed to having their every move monitored.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) December 20, 2013
Our kids are growing up under surveillance anyway. Might as well soften the blow at home with a fun little Elf creepily over-seeing their every move.
6. If you can’t beat him, make him your scapegoat.
Can’t wait to blame the Elf on the Shelf for eating all my kids cereal. — Busty Rusty (@RaylaRimpson) November 25, 2015
You ate all of your kids’ Fruit Loops in a 2:00 am kitchen raid? Fear not! Blame that smug little bastard and they’ll think it’s all in good fun.
7. Well, that’s just unfair.
The Tooth Fairy & the Elf on the Shelf synchronized their visit this year. It’s like they’re purposefully mocking my amnesia as a parent.
— CherriAnn (@_CherriAnn_) December 1, 2013
If your child loses a tooth during Elf on the Shelf season, better set some phone alarms so you don’t forget to bring all that pain-in-the-ass magic!
8. July? Why?
A playgroup mom brought the elf on the shelf back for Christmas in July. So cute! Anyway, long story short, how do u frame an elf for murder — Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 19, 2015
Seriously? Is December (and even part of November) not enough? We cannot stand for this or before you know it, Year-Round Elf will be a thing.
9. At least now he’s living his truth.
Sorry I painted your Elf on the Shelf’s eyes red and told the kids he watches them while they sleep because he’s possessed.
— Nathan (@stockejock) December 7, 2014
Let’s face it. That look on his face is NOT innocent. And if you scare them half to death, at least the kids might actually behave!
10. Do mall Santas have that kind of power?
I told my son to give an Elf on the Shelf to the mall Santa & whisper in his ear, “Send him back to hell where he belongs, mall Santa.” — Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 23, 2014
Come on, mall Santas. Help us out here. You’ve gotta be good for something other than terrifying toddlers.