Whether your kids buy the hot lunch or bring from home, school lunches are a big freaking deal. They’re a major source of arguments, worry, stress and heartache. And that’s just for the parents.
You pack it? They hate it. You leave it out? They whine and cry. You tell them they’re buying hot lunch today? They go on strike. It might feel as though you literally can’t win the game of Getting Your Kids To Eat Something At School, and that’s where the funny parents of Twitter come in. They understand the lunch struggle and are here to add a dash of laughter to your usual (rejected) school lunches.
1. Something doesn’t add up.
Same kid who doesn’t like the dinner I make only wants to bring lunch from home to school. Must be my recipes for Uncrustables & Goldfish.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) September 21, 2016
At home, food is rejected by your mini Gordon Ramsey but when it comes time to bring lunch to school? Only a home-packed meal will do. Explain yourselves, tiny food critics. You make no sense.
2. Yup, pretty much.
I haven’t had to pack a lunch yet, but I have had to throw away a bunch of uneaten food. That’s pretty much the gist of it, right?
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) September 21, 2016
Or, it comes home as half-eaten sandwich chunks swimming in a mess of yogurt and trail mix. So rewarding.
3. We feel you, lunch ladies.
Those lunch ladies work hard thawing food for you kids to eat. The least you can do is poke at it w/ your plastic spork & pretend to like it
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 21, 2016
It’s hard enough feeding hundreds of kids without them refusing to eat most of what’s served. Though if they’re moms, they probably think nothing of it.
4. Good enough.
I used to lovingly cut crusts off sandwiches&put notes in 7’s lunchbox.
Now I throw a Lunchable &scream ILY while shoving him out the door.
— Jenn Harrell Scott (@Jenn_H_Scott) September 21, 2016
My kids actually prefer Lunchables giving my perfect little stacks of organic deli turkey and artisan cheese slices an abysmal review. “They aren’t as smooth as Lunchables turkey, momma!” Go eat some nitrates, kids. We’ve lost the will to give a shit.
5. Waste not, want not.
Today’s lunch is a collection of all the sandwich crusts my son hasn’t eaten over the past two weeks.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 28, 2016
Get back at your kids for acting like jerks by packing a juice box in their lunch without the straw.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 9, 2016
You want to play hardball, kid? Let’s dance.
7. Carson’s mom is not to be trifled with.
I packed a regular lunch for my child and Carson’s mom made the “throat cut” motion at me with her panda sandwich cutter.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 13, 2016
Establish dominance by being the only mom who refuses to cut their kid’s sandwiches into whimsical shapes.
8. Something for everyone.
Whatever snack my kid doesn’t finish in her lunchbox, I just leave in there.
By Friday, she’s got a Golden Corral style buffet.
— Marlebean (@Marlebean) March 1, 2016
It’s brilliant. A time-saver for you, a smorgasbord for them. As long as it’s not like, dairy products or meat being left for days. Shudder.
9. Satisfaction guaranteed.
If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can’t recommend parenting highly enough.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 9, 2015
Picky kids are annoying no matter what the hour but there’s something especially infuriating about fielding complaints from teeny food critics about how “slimy” their deli ham is before the sun’s up.
10. They see right through us.
Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day?
Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) September 21, 2016
Your kids might get suspicious if you only come around to see them at school on chicken patty day, but whatever. That shit is delicious.
11. Hold your head up high.
“You’re not the boss of me”, I whisper under my breath, as I make 4 different lunches for my kids.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 28, 2015
You always said you wouldn’t be that parent. Then, you had kids. It’s cool, no one in the trenches will ever judge you.
12. “Buy” is a four letter word.
Me to Husb: Can you pack their lunches I’ve got to get to work early.
Hub:Can’t they just buy lunch?
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 22, 2015
How dare you? They prefer refusing to eat and then throwing away food parents make. What are we, savages?
13. He asked for it.
6 was jealous about other kids getting notes in their lunches, so I put one in his:
“Sorry, I ate your pudding. Love, Dad.”
— My Meh Precedes Me (@TheAlexNevil) October 22, 2015
It will toughen him up in the end. Carry on.