When I found out I was having twins, I felt very established in my role as a mom. After all, I already had two kids.
But what I knew was only a fraction of who I was as a mom. I had no idea how much bending and breaking I was capable of. I had no idea how low my standards for things that were once very important to me could drop.
I thought I had everything under control, only to realize that I had no control.
Twin connections are amazing. From the moment they are conceived, they have each other. I couldn’t wait to witness my boys’ bond and experience life as a twin mom.
But nothing could have prepared me for how their unique bond and behavior as a duo would impact me as a mom.
I remember nursing them together and watching their tiny hands become intertwined. It was one of the sweetest things I had ever seen. But this small connection they shared reminded me of my older two at the same age…twirling their fingers around my hair and gazing at me sweetly. In that moment, I realized that their bond in life would likely be stronger than my bond with either of them.
(It’s fine, I’m fine).
But the most challenging difference for me with twins has been the courage and boldness they seem to send and receive to one another so effortlessly. With just a glance. They feed off of each other like drunken college friends, egging each other on and acting outrageous simply for shock value.
They pee on the floor….and put goldfish in it. They dump honey and coconut oil on the carpet. They fill the toilet to the brim with various toys. They try, and often succeed, in breaking everything. They get into trouble on a daily basis that my other two kids never would have been brave enough to attempt. And they laugh about it. Because they can’t resist laughing when they look at each other.
And it makes me feel all sorts of bonkers — like I have never felt.
On an average night, playing our favorite game of “Let’s Get The Twins To Sleep,” I will walk into my bedroom and say something to my husband like, “You’re up! They don’t take me seriously.” He will walk in shortly after and say something like, “You’re up! They think I’m a joke.” And so on and so forth for hours. Every. Night.
We feel like there must be a better way, something we are doing wrong or missing. It wasn’t this hard with the first two kids. And believe me when I say that we try everything. But by the time we have resolved one issue we are right on to the next. Some days it feels impossible with them.
A Real Whodunit
Most of the time I can’t discipline them because I have no clue who the guilty one is. They both say the other was responsible. And when I walk away (defeated) they laugh hysterically.
And as they have grown, their bond has only strengthened. As toddlers they have conversations with each other in their own language that no one else is privy to. And as amazing and adorable as that is, dealing with twin toddlers who don’t talk much in my language has proved to be difficult.
Who Is Hiring?
I have loved being a stay-at-home mom and feel truly lucky to have had the opportunity to spend time with my kids during their younger years. But I must admit, since right around the time my twins turned two, I have found myself wanting to go back to work. Like anywhere. I should just wear a a shirt that says, “Hire me, I only need to cover daycare” everywhere I go. You know, as a plea for help. I don’t need a fancy career right now. I just want to regain my sanity.
This Too Shall Pass
We are not out of the woods. Not even close. But a light at the end of the tunnel has peaked through. The bond they share is something I have come to encourage and feel immensely thankful for. They can play with and entertain each other (although they are also scheming up even more mischief these days).
But I try to remind myself how unique and wonderful it is that they have someone in this world that they share such a deep connection with. It makes me wish I had an identical twin. (She would help me raise my kids for sure…right?) Hey, maybe all kids should be born in pairs! Or maybe not. I don’t know if there is enough wine in the world.
Anyway. They have made me a different mom than I intended to be. My perfect mom plan took a slight detour. But while off-roading, I somehow became a mom I never knew I could be. One who handles a level of wildness and chaos that I never knew I could be capable of. (Also one who yells way louder than I ever thought I would.)
So if you find yourself patting your back and feeling like you’ve got the whole mom thing down…watch out. You might just get twinned.