Jacob Chansley’s mom says her wittle baby boy gets vewwy sick if he doesn’t eat owganic food
After treasonous insurgents terrorized the Capitol building last week, many of the easily-identifiable, maskless rioters have seen the consequences of their actions firsthand: They’re being placed on no-fly lists, they’re getting canned from their jobs, and some of them are in jail. Self-described “QAnon Shaman” Jake Angeli (real name: Jacob Chansley) is currently being held in an Arizona detention facility. And, gosh darn it, he’s very unhappy with the food they’re serving there because it’s not organic.
Folks, you really can’t make this stuff up.
Jacob Chansley, AKA Jake Angeli, Arizona man makes first court appearance in for charges related to storming the U.S. Capitol. His mom says he hasn’t eaten since Friday because the detention facility won’t feed him all organic food. @abc15 pic.twitter.com/doTLFal4At
— Melissa Blasius (@MelissaBlasius) January 11, 2021
Chansley turned himself in to the FBI field office in Phoenix, where he’s from, after returning from the riot in Washington, D.C. He’s been charged with knowingly entering or remaining in any restricted building or grounds without lawful authority and violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds. Both charges are federal misdemeanors.
Chansley, 33, is a big QAnon conspiracy theorist who often participates in local pro-Trump rallies, according to ABC15 Arizona. He frequently dons, for whatever reason (toxic masculinity and a weird obsession with horned beasts?), a costume of horns and fur headdresses while shirtless. He appeared in court to face his charges virtually, charges he told ABC15 he’s “not worried” about.
“I’m not really all that worried about it because, in all honesty…I didn’t break any laws. I walked through open doors,” he said.
What he is worried about is not being able to eat organic food, apparently. In court earlier this week, his public defender told the judge that Chansley was on an “extremely restrictive diet” and had not eaten since being taken into custody. The judge told his lawyer that the U.S. Marshal’s Office would be alerted of the dietary concerns.
His mommy, Martha Chansley, was also in court on Monday, and helped to clarify her son’s dietary needs. Oh, and don’t worry, they’re not for any valid health-related reasons. The big macho horn man just prefers organic food.
“He gets very sick if he doesn’t eat organic food – literally will get physically sick,“ Martha Chansley said.
Maybe he didn’t get the memo that he’s not being detained at Whole Foods? Hmm. Naturally, the entire internet had some thoughts about Chansley’s dietary request.https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/1348762673362644992
He’s still in better conditions than kids on concrete floors with Mylar blankets.— Patricia Arquette (@PattyArquette) January 12, 2021
Hell, if left up to GOP, he would be in better conditions than school age American kids in poorer areas needing lunches.— Lana DaFree (@HomeDabrave) January 12, 2021
This dude sounds super ready for the hardships of a protracted civil war— Mike Dorsey (@DorseyFilm) January 11, 2021
My dearest Clementine— Going the Social Distance (@jimmypjones) January 11, 2021
Tonight we feast upon Kale, Quinoa, and Locally Sourced Heirloom Tomatoes for tomorrow, we attack those that wish to give us healthcare. We light out at dawn...No wait, we can't find any free trade coffee, so we pushed it to noon
So that snowflake thing 4 years ago seems more and more like a projection borne from deeply rooted insecurity.— Reese(Marquis de Lafayette) (@JackJackington) January 11, 2021
If this ain’t the whitest headline I ever seen— baby (@allthisfendi) January 11, 2021
So, Mom is more concerned about her son’s elitist diet than about the leading role he played in an attempted coup.— Bigly.Nasty.Blue (@RoseVicki) January 11, 2021
I’m suddenly feeling quite good about my parenting skills.
The shaman of white privilege — sorry, QAnon — will have his dietary preferences catered to, per the U.S. Marshal for the District of Arizona.
As for Chansley, it’s not hard to see why he might be the entitled terrorist he is, because instead of feeling embarrassment or shame about her son’s actions, Martha Chansley (channeling PEAK “not MY kid” white mom of the classroom bully vibes) told ABC15 her son is a “patriot” and “the gentlest person I know.”
Hmm. So it’s probably not participation trophies that breed entitlement after all, then. It’s racist parents raising racist, “I’ll kill the Vice President of the United States, but no pesticides in my quinoa PLEASE” kids. Yup, that tracks.