Kids Say The Darnedest Things, And Sometimes They Write Them Down

Kids Leave The Most Hilarious Notes, And We Can’t Stop Laughing

June 4, 2021 Updated June 7, 2021

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Julia Meslener for Scary Mommy

Kids say the darnedest things … and sometimes they even put those things in writing. We love saving these scribbled notes so we have a tangible record of our kids’ first hilarious forays into written communication. Whether they’re announcing a clogged toilet or proclaiming their hatred for a sibling (or us), these are the mementos we cherish. Not to mention, it’s quality material to include in the rehearsal dinner slideshow at their future wedding.

I asked on social media for people to send along their favorite funny notes their kids have written. Here are some of the standouts:

Jen’s daughter Lilly is all set with her dad’s punny dad jokes.

Alessandra’s child has an idea of what happens on a wedding night. Winkwink.

Ashley’s son Zach apologizes for his “horrible actions” and then passive aggressively labels himself her “least favorite.”

Bethany’s child left an inspiring birthday message telling her she doesn’t need makeup. With a penis pointing at it.

Alessandra’s child has apparently discovered Sir Mix-a-Lot.

“I hote you beecs you will not let me haf fun with close.” — Bridston’s daughter was furious with her because she wouldn’t allow her to cut off the legs of her leggings to make them into shorts.

When Caila was a child, she left the Tooth Fairy a note about where she could be located in her messy room. “Look for a bed I am on it.”

Heather’s child wrote a furious note to the dentist who claimed he was working on a “kavity” but instead pulled out a loose tooth. The deception.

“Please don’t make me eat ham.” Same, kid. I don’t care what Dr. Seuss says.

Jean’s 7-year-old has determined that if the lights stay on, bedtime could be indefinitely delayed.

After playing with their friend’s baby chicks, Jeanine’s child has some really good reasons why it would be a great idea to get some baby chicks. “THAY AR ADORABL” and “EGG MAKE KAKE.” Where is the lie?

“Ceep this butween use but you are awesamer then dad.” — submitted by Jessica, who is clearly awesome.

Jessica’s child gave her a lovely heads up: “Toilet is fluded P.S. there is poop in it.”

Jessica’s child has been stockpiling the pantry for the “epocolipse” and wants people to consume provisions “responsobly.”

Don’t fuck with Joelle. She will straight up disown you.

Julie’s sons are having a rough day. At least one of them is being a “but hole.”

Karen’s son wrote out a grocery list of all the snacks he wants. FYI, #5 is not “cock-sit.” It’s chocolate. This is a G-rated shopping list, we promise.

Katie’s daughter penned this thoughtful note for her parents on St. Patrick’s Day.

Kerri’s daughter Kendall is not “greety.” She just knows her molars’ worth.

Kyla’s child wants you to know the “lazers” are “fake” and will not slice you into tiny pieces during “lazer fun time.” You’re safe.

Lauren’s son Graham just exed her out. He simply does not have the patience for her bullshit.

Leah’s daughter was required to write letters home from summer camp. But sometimes she isn’t in the mood to write a damn lengthy letter, okay?!

“Evry thing your falt.” Lynsey’s kid is displeased with her.

This was Melissa’s son’s first apology note. “Sorry for farting next to you.”

Nicole’s son had a low opinion of his sister when he wrote this note.

Renee’s daughter thought it was worth a shot to ask Santa for some early deliveries. She should sign up for Santa Prime.

Rita translates this note from her young son for us: “I love mom. And Coby is in the toilet.” Coby is Rita’s other child.

Rita’s son is selective about the days on which he likes her.

Samara asked her son to write a list of things he wanted to remember to pack for their upcoming trip.

During a family quarantine after being exposed to COVID-19, Tana’s 10-year-old passed this note to her while she was on the phone.

Kids are the absolute most.