I Have Debilitating Dental Anxiety. Here's What I Do To Combat It.

I am one of 73% of adults who have dental anxiety, and I’m not just talking about a bit of dread when the text reminder hits about an upcoming visit, or an I-should-have-flossed-more-before-my-appointment kind of anxiety. I’m talking about the debilitating, can’t-catch-my-breath, you-need-to-tie-me-down-to-the-chair-before-I-bolt kind of dental anxiety.

What’s so bad about the dentist, you might ask? I’m told there even are people out there (like my sister) who actually enjoy going. But, back when I was a kid, I had several dental experiences that were less than stellar. It wasn’t always physically painful, but the amount of judgment and shame I experienced (even though genetics just meant my dental health kind of sucks) stuck with me all the way into adulthood. Over the past few years, the anxiety grew and grew until something happened that I just couldn’t ignore anymore.

Honestly, as much as it pains me to say this, my dental fear and anxiety has been so debilitating that it took me several years to get back into the dentist chair. But, after experiencing an incredibly painful dental emergency, I had no choice but to finally get my ass back into the office. Of course, it couldn’t have simply been a cavity or gum irritation. No, it was the stuff of dental horror stories: I needed a root canal.

Now, before you say root canals have come a really long way since the early 2000s, I’m not here to argue that point. What I’m here to argue is the fact that I, along with many other adults in the world, have this extreme dental anxiety, and we don’t talk about it enough. Some people might think, eh, it’s just the dentist — and that’s true. But the thing about dental anxiety (or really any anxiety) is that it doesn’t usually speak in a rational language. I hated feeling like there was something so wrong with me because I just couldn’t bring myself to do the thing.

So when I finally called the office to make the appointment, I was very honest and upfront about my issues. To compound the shame I felt for struggling to make an appointment, I also had to tell them how long I’d neglected my dental health. Don’t get me wrong, I floss, brush twice a day, and use mouthwash. I do all the things you’re supposed to do to maintain good dental hygiene, except, you know, see the professionals twice a year.

The scheduler was patient and empathetic and assured me that coming in for an exam didn’t mean I’d be getting the work done that day. It was simply to meet with the dentist, have her evaluate the situation, and learn about my options. The day before my appointment was the longest 24 hours of my life, and I almost cancelled (12 and a half billion times), but finally, I did make it — and that’s when the magic really happened.

My dentist, the wonderful, incredible Dr. Kimberly Olesen, told me my trepidation wasn’t an uncommon feeling at all — in fact, over half her patients report having some kind of dental anxiety.

She offered me the option to administer nitrous oxide during any procedures I had in the office. For those who aren’t familiar, it’s also known as laughing gas. Just a little something — enough to take the edge off, but not so much that I would be totally knocked out (which honestly is what I thought I needed). My dentist said it would add an extra 15 minutes to my appointment. Since I’d never used the gas before, she wanted to make sure it was working well and that I was comfortable before she began any work.

Full disclosure: when my dentist offered the gas as an option, she did forewarn me that usually insurance companies don’t cover it. Typically patients will pay 100% out-of-pocket, which, ew. But for me it was a necessity, and bonus: my insurance did cover some of the cost.

I hadn’t heard about this option before, but it’s not totally uncommon. Dr. Olesen did mention that in our little corner of southeastern Wisconsin, she’s had patients transfer to her office because their current provider didn’t offer it. Out of curiosity, I asked around, and another dentist, Dr. Alice Hoang of Brooklyn Mint Dental, said older offices with existing plumbing are more likely to offer nitrous oxide, while newer, more boutique offices without may not.

Lucky for me, Dr. Olesen did. She recommended starting off with the gas and seeing how it went. Y’all — it went really, really well! Laughing gas might not be right for everyone, but it worked for me.

It might sound crazy that I had to have my dentist basically get me high to have some dental work done. Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a method of first choice... it was much more a last resort, but I truly appreciate her for meeting me where I was at. She made it clear from the beginning that I wasn’t alone in my struggle with dental anxiety and took my concerns seriously.

So, what did my laughing gas experience actually look like? The quiet hissing of the gas had begun, my dentist checked in with a thumbs up before diving in to drill (or whatever it was she was doing in there. The vice grip I’d had my hands in was unclenched on my lap. My toes felt the slightest tingle, and all I could think about, while counting how many dots were in the ceiling speaker above my head was, wow, if I’d have known how chill this could be, I would have done it years ago. Maybe if more people knew this was an option, we could all banish dental anxiety (yes, my internal dialogue was waxing poetic towards the end).

The point is, the shame and judgment that fueled my anxiety became a distant echo. Even after they turned the gas off, I felt lighter knowing I had dental work done, and contrary to my belief that it would be a cataclysmic, world-ending event, in the end, it was really no big deal. Also, it’s worth noting that finding the right provider who validated my concerns and built a foundation of trust from the first call made a world of difference. Because the reality is, none of us has anything to be embarrassed about.

The same way there should be no shame in taking an Advil for a headache, or prescriptions for mental health support, there is also zero shame in asking for support for your dental health — because health is health, full stop.

This might not be a solution for everyone, but if you’ve been putting off getting the care you need, it’s worth asking your dentist about this treatment option, or if they have something else they’d recommend. For me, it was as simple as asking my dentist to get me high. Hopefully one day, I won’t need the gas mask. So far, I’ve had three longer, more intensive treatments that have required this anxiety-easing solution, and each time, I’m getting closer to a point where the anxiety will be a distant memory.

Except for those wisdom teeth — they’re gonna have to knock me the f*ck out for that.

Holly Garcia writes about parenting, mental health, and all the lifestyle things. She hails from the Midwest, where she’s raising her daughters and drinking copious amounts of coffee.