30+ Hilarious And Relatable 'Modern Family' Quotes – Scary Mommy

30+ ‘Modern Family’ Quotes To Make You Feel Like A Tucker-Pritchett-Dunphy

March 16, 2020 Updated June 8, 2020

modern family final season group shot
ABC/Jill Greenberg

Modern Family has been entertaining us for over ten years. Between relatable sibling fights and rivalries, the hilarious but often complex realities of blending families, empty nest syndrome, LGBTQ+ parenting, and adoption, the comedy has allowed families of all make-ups to see themselves on screen. Better yet, it’s made us laugh hysterically while reminding us of the joy and occasional pain-in-the-ass that family can be.

With the show drawing to a close, we’re attempting to turn our tears of mourning into tears of laughter. We’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite Modern Family quotes that show the Tucker-Pritchett-Dunphy clan at their finest. Read on in celebration of the sitcom that dominated the 10s.

Haley: “In Legally Blonde, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.”
Phil: “Haley, this is real life, not an excellent movie.”

“I am brave. Roller coasters? Love ’em. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters like, 7 times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I’m pretty much not afraid of anything… except for clowns.” –Phil

“It’s obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It’s like accountants who buy a Harley.” –Alex

“What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?” –Gloria

“I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong like I had said, ‘Dad, I’m gray.'” –Mitchell

Claire: “These are crafts for the supplies table. I finally figured out what we’re going to be making.”
Phil: “Kids bored?”

“With great hotness comes great responsibility.” –Haley

“In my country, it is considered very very bad luck when your house burns down.” –Gloria

“Prepare to feel like an old denim vest because I’m about to be dazzling you.” –Cam

“The minute they got rid of rotary phones, everything went to hell.” –Jay

“More than anything, I want my girls to stop fighting and be close. I want them to share clothes and do each other’s hair and gossip about boys, like I used to do with Mitchell.” –Claire

“You’ll never go broke playing to a rich man’s ego. Write that down.” –Manny

“It’s gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle.” –Phil

modern family quotes
ABC

“I always wanted a daughter… to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everyone that he was my daughter. But just for a few times, I didn’t want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.” –Gloria

“You’re obviously going to get into one of those snooty schools, and sometimes you’re gonna come in second. Or fourth. Or maybe even tenth. But you’re gonna dust yourself off, maybe put on some lipstick for once, and keep going.” –Haley

“I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG: Oh my God. WTF: Why the face?” –Phil

Claire: “I was wondering if we could have a little chat.”
Dylan: “Oh, you want me to go home.”
Claire: “No, it’s the opposite of that.”
Dylan: “I want you to go home?”

“You’re really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?” –Alex

“Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.” –Cam

“I’ve been thinking of moving out for some time now. There’s a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don’t want to still be here when they get sick of candy.” –Luke

“I love filmmaking and I love love. I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film and I love doing it by myself.” –Phil

“Usually when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.” –Mitchell

“Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.” –Gloria

“That’s the fourth Hawaiian shirt he’s lost. I’m telling you this is a Dateline story waiting to happen!” –Jay

Cameron: “There’s nothing gays hate more than being treated like women, okay? We don’t want to go to your baby shower, we don’t have a time of the month, and we don’t love pink.”
Mitchell: “You love pink.”
Cameron: “No, pink loves me.”

Mitchell: [To Cameron] Wow, paisley and pink? Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?

Jay: No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don’t get hurt.

Phil: Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug… creates a tripping hazard… and open yourself up to lawsuits. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking.

Claire: You’re impossible to buy for! You never want anything.

Phil: [Confessional] Um, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks… I love my wife, but she sucks at giving gifts. I’m sorry for the pay-channel language, but- oh! Yogurt maker! I can’t not think of things I want.

Manny: I’ve tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing has worked.

Jay: Here’s the deal. Girls don’t go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success, and since you don’t have either one of those things… you’re gonna be the funny guy.

“I’m sort of like Costco. I’m big, I’m not fancy, and I dare you to not like me.” — Cameron

“Revenge is a dish best served cold. And even better two days later out of a 24-ounce, microwave-friendly, burp-sealed pack and store.” — Cameron

“There’s a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell’s relationship with his mother and say, ‘That’s messed up.’” — Cameron

“We sent those adoption papers out to Vietnam last summer! She said it could take up to 9 months to get a baby. It’s inhumane!” — Cameron

“I’m gonna share that one with my next husband when we’re spending your money.” — Gloria

“When you’re married to me you’re going to be yelled at many times.” — Gloria

“You want to hear the guest list for the night? So far it’s anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness. Congratulations Mitchell, you packed the house!” — Cameron

“I won cutest baby at the 1974 Jasper County Fair. People at the time said I could go Gerber.” — Cameron

Modern Family quotes
ABC