I feel like our country is throwing a temper tantrum right now, and it needs a time-out. It’s flailing its arms, calling people names, fighting over toys, and not wanting to include everyone. This country needs a mom. A mom wouldn’t fall for its bullshit whining and excuses and bad attitude. A mom would be able to give the whole country a good hard mom stare and then tell it to straighten up and use its manners and wash its hands for dinner.
That’s why we need Hillary Clinton. Have we forgotten that she’s a mom? A pretty successful one at that, if you look at Chelsea. My kids can’t even talk to the waitress at a restaurant without blushing and mumbling, and Chelsea’s out there campaigning and talking to thousands of people every day (with a newborn!). Our country needs a good mom who can walk right in with her power pantsuit and her take-no-shit attitude.
Here are some reasons why it would be great to have a mom as president:
1. Moms get shit done.
And usually, we get shit done all at the same time. Armed with lists and calendars and agendas, we can kick ass with any task that is put in front of us. And we can do it on no sleep and no food because this is what we’ve always done.
2. We know how to settle arguments.
All right Congress, you’re up. Can’t get along? Can’t make a single compromise, so everything is left at a standstill and nothing ever moves forward? We see you, Congress, and we think you need a mom. A mom isn’t going to mess around, and if we can settle arguments with angry, irrational toddlers, we can surely get a bunch of grown-ass adults to make some choices.
3. We know how to avoid catastrophes.
There is no one better suited to avoid conflict than a mom. We can always see when our kid’s eyes go all glassy and looney, and we know exactly when they are going to snap and crack their sibling across the head with a toy or take off their pants in the middle of Target. Our instincts are razor-sharp, and we can step in at just the right time to stop that crazy train from messing up our world.
4. We work through our worst days.
Moms are the toughest of the tough. We work through being sick, pregnant, hungry, or tired. We don’t stop because, well, basically we can’t. We have people depending on us every single day, so we just tuck some extra tissues in our purse, put our head down, and get it done.
5. Multitasking is second nature.
We can make breakfast, comfort a child, do a load of laundry, and invent something all at the same time. We have been trained to multitask by the greatest threat to mankind’s sanity ever known: toddlers. Making it through the toddler years should automatically get us all a medal in multitasking because those little shits are fast and smart. If moms can deal with toddlers, they for sure can make sure North Korea is under control.
6. We fight for families.
I would say that this is the most important thing that a mom does, and we need this in a president now more than ever. Number one priority? Paid family maternity leave. Every single mom out there knows how crucial this is to helping families after a child is born. A mom is going to make this a priority. Hillary is going to make this a priority.
7. We stand up to bullies.
One way to poke a mama bear is to tell her that someone she loves is being bullied. And Hillary has already proven again and again that she won’t back down from bullies. Obviously, we can talk about Donald Trump, but Hillary has been bullied by millions of people over the years, people who just can’t stand the thought of women in the most powerful position in the world, and she has refused to give up.
8. We focus on children’s health.
Moms’ lives get turned upside down when their kids are sick. I want a president who has fought for kids’ health. Hillary worked with Republicans and Democrats to help create the Children’s Health Insurance Program. CHIP cut the uninsured rate of American children by half, and today it provides health care to more than 8 million kids.
9. We clean shit up.
We get in there, we take control, we wipe down the countertops, scrub the pots and pans, and mop that frickin’ floor. Moms know how to get it all done and still have time to pack the lunches, check the homework, do a load of laundry, and make Congress do its job and maintain world peace before bedtime.
10.We know how to make people feel better.
I feel like after this election cycle, our country will have some healing to do. Things have been heated and awful, and a lot of trust has been lost. We need to count on each other in this country; we can’t be building up walls (literal or figurative) or just decide that hate is the answer. A mom is good at soothing and comforting and hopefully getting everyone to see that we should all love each other.
So, time to put our tantruming toddlers to bed (with their wild hair and poor language skills) and put a mom in charge. I trust Hillary Clinton to do this, not only because she’s a mom, but because she’s shown us again and again that out country is the most important thing to her. But also because, as a mom, I know she has the ability to get shit done.
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