The 10 Most Annoying Moms You’ll Meet

annoying moms

At a birthday party last weekend, I got stuck with “That Mom.” Oh, you know the one — the mom you dread seeing at school functions, parties, playgrounds, and park outings? Sure, there are different types of “That Mom,” and different tactics to diffuse her bothersome traits or at least escape them.

Here’s a list of the most annoying moms I’ve come across and how to deal with them. Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be able to avoid them before they trap you, or at least make yourself disappear faster than David Copperfield at a One Direction concert (I don’t have insider info on whether David Copperfield dislikes One Direction… I just imagine he wouldn’t want to be there).

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1. PMS Pam: Talking with this “depress-fest” is more sobering than watching an aged Gary Busey perform live. Her weighty chit chat will include talk of diseases that could strike at any time, children who were poisoned by school lunches, and Botox gone horribly, irreversibly wrong. After a few short minutes, you’ll be sucked into an abyss of worry and despair that will have you questioning your safety, your health, and your marriage. Rule of Thumb: Never talk to her alone, as it will take another friend to pull you from the pit (hope that friend comes bearing cocktails)!

2. Fend For Yourself Fran: This mom sees your child as her respite. Your kid is distracting hers, so that she can get a moment of peace, a glass of wine, a few minutes to read “Mommy Porn.” She’s not concerned with what the kids are doing, as long as they’re doing it quietly… and far away. You may come to her house to find your child, miserable, hungry, bruised, or locked in a bathroom, which she will have no explanation for, as she was unaware your child needed supervision… or a glass of water, or a Bandaid, or some protective gear. Rule of Thumb: Always have her kid at your house or send yours over to hers with a survival kit.

3. Know it all Nicole: This mom is like Kris Jenner, but she won’t take your family to Hawaii. She will, however, advise you how to be a better mom and wife, because well, who doesn’t like unsolicited advice on parenting and marriage? She’ll tell you whether you should or shouldn’t vaccinate, how to get your whites their whitest, and why fast food is making your children dumb. Rule of Thumb: If you want her to impart her wisdom elsewhere, bring up a blush-worthy topic like blow jobs. If she doesn’t run for the hills, hear her out — you can never know too much about blow jobs — when she’s done, bring up vibrators.

4. Donna Droner: Talking to Donna will make you wish you had a cyanide pellet. This chatty chick finds every detail of her stories not only imperative, but scintillating — whether she’s describing how she rescheduled her children’s annual checkups, or rattling off her 39-step trick to get discoloration out of grout. Throughout your pow-wow you’ll feign interest and nod politely, while wondering if plastic party knives are strong enough to perform Hari Kari. Rule of Thumb: Take a fake call. If you’re not holding your phone, pick up anything, hold it to your ear and answer it.

5. Braggy Beth: This gal will make you question whether your child is stupid, lazy, or socially inept. No matter what your kid’s accomplishments are, Beth’s kids did it better, and did it earlier. “Your daughter doesn’t know her alphabet yet? Have you had that looked into? I mean, I’m sure she’s fine. It’s just that my Lily is just really advanced. She probably learned it in the womb — I mean, we taught her French in the womb. Does yours speak French yet? Sorry, that was insensitive… she barely speaks English.” Listening to her talk will bring out a shameful side of you that wants to give her perfect little angel the finger. Rule of Thumb: Don’t give her kid the finger… kick her in the shin and run.

6. TMI Tammy: Tammy is like a bad Facebook status in the flesh. She feels that the disgusting details of the ooze in her son’s ear and the consistency of her daughter’s last bowel movement is lunchtime fare. Though you may only know her from “Meet the Teacher Night,” you somehow also know that she has an inverted uterus and hence prefers it doggy style. Rule of Thumb: TMI Tammy can work in details that would make Eminem blush, so stick to “Hi” and “Bye” and NEVER ask how she’s doing.

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7. Delusional Denise: DeeDee has no clue what her child is REALLY like. She’s blissfully unaware that her darling offspring, whom you’ve seen suffocate a baby bunny, could do any wrong. If confronted, Denise will emphatically deny that it was her little angel, she’ll explain how it was surely an accident, or she’ll complain that her child always seems to be the scapegoat. Rule of Thumb: Keep yourself your kids and your pets as far away as possible — Denise’s kids are the ones who grow up to be serial killers.

8. Stalky Samantha: Samantha wants your life. She will sidle her way into plans with you. She’ll make sure her kids get close to your kids, sign them up for the same activities, clubs, teams, and classes. She’ll call other people to determine where you are at any given time. Her covert detective skills include frequent drive-bys, constant contact through scouring pictures and updates on social media, and oddly “running into you” like, everywhere. Rule of Thumb: Be careful with this one, as we all know how stalker movies turn out… plus you’re probably convinced she has weird super powers like super hearing or ESP. (Well, that’s just silly because she’s actually a vampire.)

9. Judgy Julie: This delightful mom is assessing your every move. On play dates, she’s estimating how many toys you have in your dining room, the sugar content in your pantry, and when you last dusted your blinds. Her goal is simple: find enough evidence to confirm what she suspected all along: She is better than you. Rule of Thumb: Be careful how much you let Judgy Julie see because she doesn’t keep her verdicts to herself. Yep, the high fructose corn syrup snacks you offered up as team mom could be the talk of the next PTA meeting.

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10. Me Me Mimi: “Enough about you, more about Mimi,” is her slogan. “What? Your child is allergic to peanuts and went into anaphylactic shock at school?  I totally know what that’s like. That happens to my little Carly with chocolate. I mean, she’s not allergic, but it does a number on her tummy. Last Halloween she had such a bellyache… as you can imagine, it was awful.” Rule of Thumb: Avoid this time suck at all costs, as even a nod in her direction opens a door for her to tell you more about herself and her family… AND DON’T GET HER STARTED ON HER DELIVERY STORY!

Some days I may fall into at least one of these categories (I mean I had to be a Judgy Judy to write this), but I like to believe those days are few and far between. Of course.

About the writer

@SuburbanJungle

Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind The Suburban Jungle. A card carrying Gen Xer and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Join the insanity on Facebook and Twitter.

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condescendingmoms 5 months ago

11.) You are below me because you are not a mom Mommoy.
You don’t have a child? You can never understand me. You don’t have a child? You can never relate to me. Your pet? It’s just a fucking animal that can not compete with my child.

condescendingmoms 5 months ago

Thank you thank you NMP!
“I can relate.” doesn’t mean that they think it’s the same thing. How many of these animal lovers actually say that “they are the same thing.”? Can I not relate to you or understand you even though we aren’t going through the 100% exact same thing?

I just get such a condescending vibes from all these moms reading the comments.

For all the moms out there, I am sorry that I do not have children and will never again say anything like “I understand where you are coming from.” “I understand why you feel that way.” or the like, because you over sensitive moms that will get upset at comments like that merely because the other person does not have a child.

Disgusting.

Maribel Lanza 6 months ago

Lets not forget the Heather. The mom who has to be the head of EVERYTHING!!! She is home room mom, team mom of every sport or activity her kids are in. She doesn’t work but seems to look spectacular every moment. She is always talking to someone and 100% convo is kid related or her related. She has to compensate for leaving her fabulous life prior to having kids behind, and makes us think her life is more fab than before.

Jazzy 8 months ago

I work with all of these types of women. I am, of course, the unfortunate soul who is not only the one without children yet, but is also currently pregnant. If I hear one more “you can’t do xyz when you’re pregnant”, “you gon see cause you hard-headed”, “there’s an old wives tale that says…” I’m more like Vulgar Vanessa. After my co-workers inject their unwanted/unsolicited “advice”, they in turn receive a few of my “duly noted, now f**k off”…..oh and TMI Tammy as well . It’s a guilty pleasure to watch uptight ladies/girls-don’t-do-human get so uncomfortable……sorry lol

Adrienne 8 months ago

What about All about Causes Clare. It’s feed the whales, save the seals, recycle tampon tubes, literacy for alphabet soup. She knows the difference between Iran and Iraq, the names of all One Direction guys and the best way to thinner thighs. AACC has sign up sheets, petitions and implores you to wear rubber bracelets (no plants were used in its making) . She passionate about everything, but does no real philanthropic work. If she would shut up for a moment, you can tell here where to stuff it.

horseyb 9 months ago

I was at Walmart. 6pm. Volunteered at the Elementar uh school from 8th until 530pm, getting ready for the holidays. My autistic son (7 years old) had a major meltdown in the hallway at 345. My 5 year old was upset because he misses his cousin (who he’s spent approximately 3 hours with. In his life.). We’re trying to get 4 items, which I HAVE to have.

*Cashier says, How are you today?
*I say, not too bad. Just tired.
*She says, oh I TOTALLY understand! My kiddies were up all night playing!
*I say, oh fun. I bet they’re toddlers.
*She says…Oh! No! I mean KITTENS!

*Headsmack. (An older cashier lady heard at least the last part of the conversation, and as I was walking away, the older gal went over and was talking to my young, OH, SO OOO Naive cashier. Poor girl!

horseyb 9 months ago

I was at Walmart. 6pm. Volunteered from 8th until 530pm, getting ready for the holidays. My autistic son (7 years old) had a major meltdown in the hallway at 345. My 5 year old was upset because he misses his cousin (who he’s spent approximately 3 hours with. In his life.). We’re trying to get 4 items, which I HAVE to have.

*Cashier says, How are you today?
*I say, not too bad. Just tired.
*She says, oh I TOTALLY understand! My kiddies were up all night playing!
*I say, oh fun. I bet they’re toddlers.
*She says…Oh! No! I mean KITTENS!

*Headsmack. (An older cashier lady heard at least the last part of the conversation, and as I was walking away, the older gal went over and was talking to my young, OH, SO OOO Naive cashier. Poor girl!

ammie 10 months ago

Oh my god… would you belive me if i told you i know a mom that is about 7 of these all in one??!! Lol i’m sure that i have been one or two of these before, i will now gladly take a mental note to NEVER be any of these again! Lol.

Stacy 10 months ago

Oh Sarah….I soooo love this. I avoid hanging with the other moms when there is some sort of activity for the kids. Like Cub Scouts. I really just want to bring my kid, let him do his thing, and sit alone “over there” and do my thing. I am not a social butterfly. I really don’t care to compare the nutritional content in the drinks that were brought with you. If my son likes it, then he can drink it. If he chooses to eat a cookie rather than a piece of celery from the snack table, then by all means, eat it. I’m not a helicopter mom who micromanages her child’s every waking minute of the day. I do care that my children eat a fairly healthy diet, but if we are at an activity and they want a goody, then they can have it. I guess you can substitute Don’t Give a Shit Sarah with Don’t Give a Shit Stacy. :)

Lynda 10 months ago

I love my cats….. I mean I LOVE my cats….. I talk to them and baby them, etc….. they’re indoor cats so when my oldest got out and disappeared for two weeks, I called for her every night and cried almost every day until she came home……… If one of my CHILDREN disappeared, I would have to be heavily medicated, put on suicide watch, and my life would pretty much cease to function. I know you love your animals……I really do get it, but they AREN’T children…… Please try and understand that.

Dani 12 months ago

We have a saying for the ‘Me Me Mimis’ – “if you’ve been to Tenerife, she’s been to Elevenerife”.

NMP 1 year ago

Not everyone can have kids. For some folks, their dogs, cats and other companion animals are their kids – because it’s the closest they’ll be able to come. To discount their feelings and the relationship they have with their companion animals is rude and condescending.

danielle 1 year ago

Lol. I know some mom’s like this. I have a dog and in no way is he even close to any of my children.

Kitty 1 year ago

lmao, Omg. Well-written, and I have to say, I am definitely number 6. Tmi Tammy fits me to a T, hahaha. I almost feel bad for the people around me, because I honestly have no boundaries, unless I realize that I’m making the people around me feel truly uncomfortable, haha.

Gail 1 year ago

I would fall more closely to DGSS or TMI TAMMY actually a little bit of both because if I don’t want to be bothered and people are insistent upon talking to me, I share, share and share some more. lol

Maria 1 year ago

Oh my, yes! Domestic Debbie! The woman who brings three kids to school and brought along home-baked fresh cookies (sugerfree, allergyfree, etc.) for everyone just because she had a spare ten minutes! The one who quilted her children’s bedlinnen, because children “should sleep enveloped in their mother’s love”. Sigh… I wish I was her. We got our bedlinnen at Ikea. (to our credit: it is possible to love your child and give her Ikea bedlinnen.)

I have another one: “Plain Jane”, the mommy that frowns on all things she deems not-normal, girly, expensive or excessive. The polar-opposite of the “I teach my child Urdu and feed her acai-berries for lunch”. The one who will tell you your kids clothes are too expensive and your activities too “out there”. Who looks at your high heels and frowns. My personal “Plain Jane” told me that the “learn to move”-classes in our neighborhood were much more cheap, practical and appropriate for my four-year-old. To clarify, these “learn to move classes” are literally that… anything is good, as long as you move. No expectations, no balletclothes, no recitals. No fun…
Clearly she doesn’t know that my little girl 1) adores dance and will watch it for hours 2) loves to perform 3) totally will kill for a tutu and 4) has been nagging me for balletclasses for months. Sending her to “learn to move classes” would seem like a betrayal. But there’s no discussion with a Plain Jane, she’s made up her mind… I’m an overachieving idealist who should soon come to her senses. Sigh….

Oh, and the “your own mom/mother-in-law”… or are your mothers (inlaw) the godsent angels I was hoping to have? :)

aenflex 1 year ago

Mommy bloggers also annoy me to no end.

Akita 1 year ago

All these describe my mom. I hate her.
Also, I would like to add another to the list: Too Much Perfume Penny. She’s a walking potpourri I swear. I wish she would spray herself outside of the house. This is precisely why I don’t hug her. I also gave her reasons why she should stop wearing so much perfume, but she’s too stupid to listen.

Heather Ferris 2 years ago

Hi Jenny. I just stumbled onto this post and OMG I am laughing my face off. This is excellent! You have a new subscriber for sure. :) "You can never know too much about blow jobs!"

Megan 2 years ago

Say no more about Pollyanna Peggy. An old moms group I was in had plenty of those. They believed everything was always sprinkles & lollipops all the time. Sorry hon, life isn’t like that all the time.

Jamey Norman 2 years ago

Randi that is awesome! Agreed I think Facebook has opened up some weird world where everyone feels they can give input on how you raise your child or constantly brag about how perfect they are… Crackhead moms good advice!

Randi Weiss Watchorn 2 years ago

I was just saying to another mom who has older kids how glad I am that facebook wasn't around when my kids were little. I would have doubted every decision I made. I bottle fed, used regular diapers, used store bought baby food and allowed my daughter to have a pacifier until she was 4. And my kids, so far, have turned out amazing, if I do say so myself! I have no doubt that your sweet little one will too! (P.S. Have I ever told you how I like to compare myself to ghetto, crackhead moms?) Teehee

Jamey Norman 2 years ago

I think Green Granola Greta needs to be added. The woman who means well but inadvertently tells you every parenting decision you make is killing your baby or the Earth. Blah! Leave me alone! I also hate how they always talk about it and have to bring up their cloth diapers, home made baby food, breast feeding…. Stopping insinuating I am less of a mom because I do not do those things or didn't do them to your standards… Puke!

Jamey Norman 2 years ago

I think Green Granola Greta needs to be added. The woman who means well but inadvertently tells you every parenting decision you make is killing your baby or the Earth. Blah! Leave me alone! I also hate how they always talk about it and have to bring up their cloth diapers, home made baby food, breast feeding…. Stopping insinuating I am less of a mom because I do not do those things or didn't do them to your standards… Puke!

Kylie 2 years ago

Hmmm. I may be a TMI Tammy, but that’s just because of my inverted uterus.

Jennifer 2 years ago

I think I’m a reluctant DGSS. I say that compared to the other moms here I’m either too young, too smart, too liberal, or too sober to fit in. Why even try?

Jennifer Williams 2 years ago

I'm totally a Fran. I shut myself in the bedroom when my daughter has sleepovers. There is only so much squealing and tween TV I can take. But I do feed them and tend to aches and pains if needed.

Ashlee 2 years ago

I have encountered every single one of these ladies (some more than once) in my short, 18 months of motherhood. But I’ve gotta say, I think Know It All Nicole and Judgmental Judy are the worst. And the two of them together… oh Lord, you’ll see me run like never before.

Tracey 2 years ago

My children are older now, and I can say I have met every single one of these Mom’s plus the ones who were mentioned in the comments….I have to say one time while talking to one mom and how she went on and on about everything she did and capped it off with how she was up till 2:30 am baking cupcakes, cause you know, with everything else she did, when else was someone supposed to bake? I literally said, “You’re scaring me” and I said I gotta go….lol. Not sure which ones I fall into, But I do hope I wasn’t as bad….

Alisa 2 years ago

Remind me to run the other way if I ever see this author coming my way. Too much perfection demanded to be her acquaintance.

Michelle Buscher 2 years ago

Funny, I was so busy finding my friends among these women that I almost overlooked myself in almost all of them. Thanks.

Tiffany 2 years ago

I agree with Oona. We all just want to feel like we belong and some may find it more difficult than others. Be kind and don’t add to the judging.

Sara 2 years ago

I’m me me Mimi and Donna droner. Lol I just like to talk!

Ganzii 2 years ago

But what about Negative Nancy? The mom who ONLY has bad things to say about her kids, husband, job, etc. She will talk your ear off about how bratty the kids are, how much of a lazy bastard her husband is, how much she just hates her new boss. Conversations with her may start with you giving her a compliment such as “Oh little Johnny is so cute!” To which she will reply, “You think so? Do you want him? I can’t stand him anymore today! And I guess he’s cute, even though he takes after his father, who is a worthless piece of crap….” And pretty much a downward spiral of awfulness from that point on.

(Yes, we all want to vent sometimes, but Negative Nancy doesn’t care if she has only met you twice for 5 minutes at the playground, and she NEVER has anything good to say.)

Ganzii 2 years ago

Oh my goodness, YES. The dog people who have no children but believe having dogs is the same thing. “Gosh, it’s so hard to get anything done when the dog just wants to play all day!” Seriously? And they steal the funny memes about life with kids and just change them to “life with dogs” and act like it’s the same thing. I want to punch the dog people.

Charlotte Lapierre Lasek 2 years ago

I'm a Fran, too! "Go outside and play!" No screaming = everything's just fine

Puckgal 2 years ago

You forgot one all important mom…the sports mom. They take the Braggy Beths and the Me Me Mimi to a new extreme.

Oona 2 years ago

Yep.

Shelley @ThatGirlShelley 2 years ago

This was absolutely hilarious!!! I am cracking up!!!

jenny from the blog 2 years ago

You sound fun … and loud.

Rain Hubbard 2 years ago

i fall under this one too and i think its a way to show that i get it and ive been there. "oh yeah i get that my kid did that too!" i dont belittle the big things and compare them equally like chocolate overload and peanut allergy

MILF Runner 2 years ago

I’m not on that list. Good-time Gertie. Annoying to most because I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING FUN…ALWAYS!!!! and I tend to get a little shouty.

Jericho Anderson 2 years ago

yea a good dad

Melissa Hancock 2 years ago

Oh except the serial killer one. Yea that's my neighbor's daughter lol!

Melissa Hancock 2 years ago

I'm pretty sure me & every friend I've ever had falls into every one of these categories all the time! =) Love the post!!

Globetrotting Mommy 2 years ago

OMG soooo funny!!! I think I’ve met all these moms in my 4-years of mommyhood. What about the super duper know-it-all mother-in-law aka Erika the Expert??

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

I know one of these gals she always suggests sleepovers and playdates without consulting first. I usually end up with a child that's upset we had previous plans with Grandma and Grandpa – AWESOME!

Keri 2 years ago

I actually like all these types, EXCEPT for Braggy Beth. There is another type (my arch-nemesis of all types) that I don’t think anyone has mentioned: Pollyanna Peggy. She will never vent, can’t relate to your venting, loves every second of parenting, and writes a blog about how blessed she is. Oh, and her kid has supposedly never cried and was born smiling and laughing.

Cheisa 2 years ago

Hahaha.. I’m a little know it all person,.. but just a little, I’m sure.. 😀
And since I’m not yet socializing on Mommy’s area, I found some of the category(braggy beth, PMS Pam, Me me mimi) on one person: The MIL..

Emma @ P is for Preschooler 2 years ago

Phew, I don’t think I fit any of these annoying moms categories. I’d be more along the lines of a “Shy Sheila” – the mom you try to engage in conversation but can’t keep up her end! lol

AmyeLouise Long 2 years ago

I had a Stalky Samantha, it was as bad as any lifetime movie or I.D. show I've ever seen. When she moved away two years ago, I thought I could finally breath a sigh of relief. Until a huge package arrived in the mail last week. Unless you're a paranoid by nature, listen to that inner voice that tells you that bitch just aint right!!!

Sandy 2 years ago

I still remember taking my kids to a playground and hearing two mothers exchange really snarky gossip about some poor woman who wasn’t there. I’d sit through conversations with most of the above rather than have to hang around with Two Faced Tammy and her friend Venomous Vickie.

Amy Hernandez 2 years ago

I had a relative give me a parenting book written by Super Nanny for Christmas one year. Doesn't sound so bad? My daughter was FIVE at the time….. the relative had given birth to her child two MONTHS prior. I wanted to whack her upside the head with the book and say, " I've kept mine alive for 5 years now…. yours is barely supporting her own head. Stuff your parenting advice."

Adam Appel 2 years ago

This was funny except that the author choose as an example that the know-it-all mom would tell you if you should or shouldn't vaccinate. Should have left that false dilemma out, should have used a different example. Vaccinate your kids, it doesn't cause autism and helps to keep vectors of mutations down so there won't a pandemic. Back to laughing.

Catherine Murphy Rivera 2 years ago

I've got one: Controlling Carol, this lovely mom will put you on the spot with-"Guess what ? I asked your kids if they would like to go to Disneyland, Raging Waters, Knott's Berry Farm, or some other expensive place and they are sooooo excited! Never mind that she didn't talk to you! So now you have to be the bad mommy and explain to your children that we will not be going to Disneyland, Knott's, etc. just because Ms. Carol suggested it. By the way, if you dare suggest anything else, Controlling Carol will look at you and say, "Oh, but the kids are so excited! Besides what I suggested is so much more fun than what you have in mind."

How you handle her? Be sure to tell your kiddos that Ms. Carol likes to suggest things but is not the one PAYING for it, so make sure she knows that you have to ASK first. Or, forget a friendship with this one-she will never be happy with anything you want to do!

Super Mom 2 years ago

Funny. #10 is my least favorite – the time suck:(

Jamie 2 years ago

Those are great! I have a Permission Pan friend. Drives me nuts!

Coco 2 years ago

I’m only a model mom in my private little world, so I’m pretty sure I’ve crossed a line or three here. And then I get to drinking and really blow my cover.

Oh well.

Jamie 2 years ago

I met a TMI Tammy a few years ago when I was pregnant who insisted on telling me about her vaginal varicose veins and the number they did on her labia. Her LABIA for gods sake! Clearly I haven’t recovered. Not sure I ever will.

Coco 2 years ago

That’s really sweet, Oona. <3

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Don’t worry, that passes!!!

jenny from the blog 2 years ago

I feel like I’d be totally down with a Rainbow poop cookie. You’re like Martha Stewart on crack … I love it!

Kristi 2 years ago

Crap. I’m Desperate Debbie.

Mac 2 years ago

I think we all have fallen into a few of the at least once. I know I have! This is probably why I dread play dates.

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

I love Third Person Theresa!!! Brilliant!

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Don't worry Crystal — and Laurie, That means you're not true Mimi's that moniker is saved for the peeps who can't get through a conversation without an irrational comparison. XO – Jenny

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

That's the prob … it's a trap!

MarySunshine 2 years ago

Ha ha! Love it.

Although… I think I might fall under the Domestic Debbie…who crafts and bakes with ease. Oops!

On the bright side, I’m Mary Fucking Sunshine, so I bake stuff like unicorn poop cookies and snicker when the pearl clutchers get all offended my cookies look like perfect rainbow poop curls. Bwhahahahahahahaha.

Wendy 2 years ago

And then there’s the one who’s all these… Like me… Oops. This is why I don’t have friends.

Molly Knowles Day 2 years ago

That is too funny!!!

Beth Yarnall 2 years ago

I thought for sure you'd mention Permission Pam who asks her kid for permission instead of telling the kid what to do. "Can you please put that down?" or "Please can we go in the store? Mommy needs to pick up a few things."

Which leads to Third Person Theresa who refers to herself in the third person ALL THE TIME. "Mommy wants you to put that down. Can you do that for mommy?"

And I, uh, might be a little bit Fend for Yourself Fran. If I don't smell fire, hear anyone screaming, and I know there's no way they can escape into the street there's no reason why I can't read a book on the other side of the house.

L.A. Say 2 years ago

This is funny because you do always run into at least one of those types of moms

Jean Swedberg Whipple 2 years ago

:)

Laurie Freeman 2 years ago

Ya… It's more like having a shared experience… however, I don't think I would ever go to the extreme as implying my childs upset tummy is anything akin to anaphylactic shock. lol

Laura 2 years ago

Oh, man, I’ve known ALL of these moms, including the ones added in the comments. The mom of a guy I dated was a Domestic Debbie, who not only kept a perfect house and cooked incredibly well and had lovely kids, but she sewed so well she actually made all her husband’s suits! Talk about feeling inadequate next to somebody! It took me a lot of years to realize that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to someone who so perfectly exemplifies an unattainable ideal for the rest of us unwashed masses. (But I’ve never been able to hate her, she was too nice! Also, she let us drive around in her hot little Porsche!)

Oona 2 years ago

These are funny, and I absolutely run into some of these types, but I can’t help but feel a bit of a pang when I read this. It kind of feels like high school where certain kids deem themselves the cool ones and make fun of everyone else. Try to be kind to other moms. It can be very lonely.

Leslie Grossi Roth 2 years ago

Don't forget the APGAR scores at birth. Braggy Beths also announce APGAR scores along with all other birth statistics. As if they can predict their future perfect SAT scores?

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Amber – there is genius in that too! I still run around with my underpants on my head and no one seems to care.

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Well DGASS – I love your new moms. I feel like we could all do this for days!

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

TMI Tammy ALWAYS makes for an interesting talk!

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Leslie – I go with the same theory as most 12 steppers… admitting it is half the battle :)

Suzy 2 years ago

My mother-in-law is a delightful combination of PMS Pam & Judgey Julie. Needless to say, we don’t get along very well :)

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Ooh Sarcastic Samantha – I’m glad I didn’t put her on the list, I’d be constantly guilty!

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Thanks Estelle!!! You’re not too shabby yourself!

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Oh… I feel bad for desperate Debbie… Singing B I N G O in her head even when the kids aren’t around. Luckily, that phase passes.

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

Susan sounds like a real blast… I know many people who capture every moment and miss many!

Cara Walen 2 years ago

Lord I know a few of these myself! Hilarious!!!!

Sarah Blinzler Bennett 2 years ago

HA! As always you made my day!

Amber 2 years ago

I believe I’ve met all these moms. Especially the brag one. I really want to roll my eyes when people constantly brag about their kids. Apparently everyone else’s kid is a genius or something. Meanwhile, my daughter is running around with underpants on her head.

Jenny From the Blog 2 years ago

I never thought of her… and I should’ve I know a few mamas like that. My mom loves to tell stories about her cats now that we’re all out of the house. They’re her screen saver etc… I’m calling her out now!

Crystal Green 2 years ago

I fall under the Me Me Mimi way more than I like, but I definitely don't intend to do it in a negative manner.

Gabrielle Guzik 2 years ago

I'm fairly certain I would be called a Fend For Yourself Fran, but without the hungry & miserable part. (I love to cook, so no problem making sure the tots are fed there!) My kids run off in the backyard or to the upstairs and brawl and play the day away and I feel like I don't see them until I call for meals. And I do spend a lot of that time buried in cleaning or reading, but to my credit I don't like wine. 😉

Sarah M. 2 years ago

Perhaps this is why I just don’t get along with other Moms.
But, you forgot a couple:
Domestic Debbie…who does all the stuff from Pinterest with ease, we’re pretty sure she makes her own cloth, sews everything by scratch, bakes for FUN….ONE of those. She finds it a bit odd when you tell her you don’t have time to cook, you popped a lasanga in the microwave. She belongs sometime in the 1950s when homemaking was a craft. Lots of women strive to be her with all her crafty skills and all her tasty treats but there is only one Domestic Debbie and she makes the rest of us look like crap. But we try…sometimes.

AND….
Don’t Give a Shit Sarah
Don’t Give a Shit Sarah doesn’t really give two farts about you, your baking, your Pinterest activity, she doesn’t really tolerate any of you. She puts on a happy face but she sticks to herself, knowing that she cannot relate to a single one of you. She won’t join in your little “reindeer games”, she’s a Rudolph by choice. Her main goal is getting in and out without having to say anymore than “Hi” and “Bye” and a cordial smile. She knows she gets judged for her avoidance of all things that are so stereotypically Mom, but being Don’t Give a Shit Sarah…she don’t give a shit.
TRY to guess which one I fall under…. 😉

Sabrina 2 years ago

I think that all moms are some kind of “that mom”. I avoid the ones that have their camera strapped to them and nature mamas. I’m not going to deny that I’m a little bit of a Judgy Julie. In the end, we all annoy some other mom(s) for whatever reason.

Megan Hartley 2 years ago

This is hysterical and true… I know where I fall…lol

Kristin 2 years ago

Put me down as the “Mom who tries to hold off talking about her activism, but eventually has to blab about it.”

I really do try. A bit.

Heather 2 years ago

If you have to get stuck talking with any of these moms at least TMI Tammy is entertaining. Of course if your kids are in hearing range you may end up answering awkward questions later!
And I agree with Chelle – the furbaby moms. I get it. I love my animals too, but no it is not the same thing.

Leslie Mom of 4 2 years ago

uh oh. pretty sure I’m a little bit of all of these. but since i’m aware of it, i can control it, right? well, that’s the theory anyway.

Tyanne Rosquist Wallin 2 years ago

Ahhh … just the laugh I needed !!! This was great

Christine Powell Gomez 2 years ago

LOL…I don't know why I'm laughing since I know these people and always fall into their traps.

Julia Starr Laughlin Arnold 2 years ago

Oh my god, the Stalky Samantha exists! And the Braggy Beths always drive me nuts. I don't care what percentile your kid's head is.

Ariana is Still Growing 2 years ago

I’ll admit to being droning Donna. I write a blog, which means I’m capable of going on and on and on about the tiniest of minutia and feel pretty sure others are interested. Right? Uh oh, now I’m Sarcastic Samantha.

Estelle Sobel Erasmus 2 years ago

Jenny,
You crack me up. That’s all. Love this; and I know quite a few of these mothers.
Estelle

Jasmine H. 2 years ago

You forgot Desperate Debbie! The one who has three or more small children and hasn’t had a meaningful conversation with an adult outside her immediate family in over two years. That’s why I couldn’t find myself on your list…..well, okay, I’m definitely TMI Tammy, when I can actually glom onto someone for a playdate. :)

Missy Homemaker 2 years ago

This is brilliant! Let us not forget Susan. Susan is a real person who wears a dslr camera around her neck while holding her video camera to document Every.single.thing. her son does. She’s been thrown off the sidelines at football games for yelling at the coach and refs. She claims she was once a superintendent of schools for a rather large city and the athletic director, so that gives her the knowledge to run all programs for all schools anywhere. Susan rents out an entire pumpkin patch for her kid’s birthday party…for 40 children. Oh I could go on, but one of the best things about moving from that town was not having to see Susan any longer.

Melissa 2 years ago

I know every single one of these moms! Not sure if which, if any category I fall into but after reading this, it will be my life goal to not fall into any of them!

Chelle 2 years ago

You left off my favorite “mom” of all: Furball Fran.

You know, the “moms” who try to relate to you because they have a dog. And dogs are just like your kids…even going as far as wishing other furmoms a happy mother’s day because, well, dogs are just furry children in disguise…

Jenelle W. 2 years ago

aww crap! Which one am I??? LOL! Hilarious!

jenny from the blog 2 years ago

XO – Monica

monica 2 years ago

you had me at “you can never know too much about blow jobs.” this should be required reading for new moms.