The retailer’s pricey Barracuda Straight Leg Jean is coated in faux mud
It’s 2017 and literally nothing is sacred when it comes to fashion. So far, retailers have offered us clear-kneed mom jeans, $1200 sock-sandals and expensive leggings that blow holes within hours of putting them on. Now Nordstrom is adding another questionable item to that list by trolling us with quite possibly the most ridiculous item of clothing ever sold. Somehow, even more ridiculous than $1200 sock-sandals. Brace yourself.
Pricey designer jeans covered in faux mud. Yes, you read that right. No, we’re not shitting you.
Nordstrom, apparently with a straight face, is offering a pair of artfully pre-dirtied jeans for the low, low price of $425-mother-fucking-dollars.
Behold the description of the Barracuda Straight Leg Jean on their website.
“Americana workwear that’s seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you’re not afraid to get down and dirty.”
So….expensive jeans for rich dudes who want to pretend they do dirty work like farming or construction without actually lifting a finger? Sounds like something a Trump son would wear and be photographed in proudly, resulting in a meme that never dies.
This live action version of "The Giving Tree" looks horrible. pic.twitter.com/5r4sAUSzjD
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) March 18, 2017
Nordstrom is extra helpful in providing several vantage points from which to confirm that, yes, you will in fact look like a total asshole in these $425 fake mud jeans.
Asshole from the front.
And the side.
Just a complete douche from the back.
While looking especially ridiculous from up close.
The good news? You could literally poop your pants and no one would be able to tell. Or work in your garden, deal with a backed up septic tank, complete a mud run or just roll around in the parking lot of the Kansas state fair after a particularly rainy day. The options are endless and you’ll look the part no matter the filthy situation you find yourself in.
And for parents with $425 to spare (lol, is that even a thing?) these jeans might actually make sense.
While we’re at it, could we sell our authentically spit-up and baby poop-stained shirts? Nordstrom is proving there may be an audience for it and diapers are expensive, so cough up, weird rich people.
We’re going to hold out hope that maybe these jeans are a joke Nordstrom is executing to give themselves a cheeky vibe on social media. Stranger things have happened. Until then, BRB. Heading to Walmart to buy a bunch of $19 jeans to muddy up and sell on Etsy for serious profit.