Dear overworked and under appreciated mom,
I see you. You work hard all day to feel like you add value to your household but find yourself feeling like you’ve never done enough. You put your children in all the programs you can in an attempt to enrich their character. You want your family to be prosperous, and you’re willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to make it happen.
Or maybe you just want to be appreciated by someone and for once have your individual value be seen — not just what you do as a mother. As moms, we’ve chosen one of life’s most thankless occupations. There are a ton of things that get us down. But we always have to remember to get up back.
Motherhood is hard.
As mothers, we can be ridiculously hard on ourselves. Much of this comes from comparing ourselves to everyone around us. It doesn’t matter what your parents say, there’s no point in attempting to model after your friends, and screw Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
As long as you are working hard to raise decent human beings and putting in effort each day you’re succeeding. Having children doesn’t make you any less of a successful woman. It’s alright if you choose to have them later in life. It’s okay if you decide to have them early. All that matters is you choose where you want to head each day and make it happen. You are an excellent mother — don’t forget that.
Career and family balance feels impossible sometimes.
It’s hard not to feel unfulfilled or experience FOMO towards our hopes and dreams. Especially when we see women who opted out of marriage and motherhood making strides. Even if you have the world’s most awesome partner, chances are one of you will carry a lot more of the burden of nurturing and your children will select you as the go-to for all things parenting.
The good news is, while we may feel powerless, we have all of the power. There are countless tales of women with various relationship styles and numbers of children who have found ways to overcome feelings of unfulfillment and make their dreams happen. Being a mother does not mean giving up your goals of continuing your education or growing in your career. Motherhood does not stop you from starting that business you made the plan for several years ago. And it surely does not mean you lack the skills to bring to the table. Use motherhood as an excuse to grow not a limitation.
Relationships take work.
We are at the axis of everything. We are impacted by the way our children feel, as well as how our partners feel. And sometimes the burden of all of those things in addition to our daily functioning can be too much to handle. Because we are so in tune with others emotions, there will be times that we noticed our overall well-being suffering because of conflicts in those relationships. I have been in that position before.
If you find yourself having trouble with your partner for long periods of time, consider seeking relationship help. We had to. It may not be comfortable or easy, but if successful, it can have a long-standing positive impact on your relationship. There are other circumstances where relationship therapy isn’t necessary, and it is important to remember why you chose your partner in the first place.
And yes, sometimes, it’s better for everyone if you call it quits. The most important quality you can have as a mother is knowing when it is best to cut ties within a relationship both for your personal health and the health of your children. Only you can decide which of the three categories you fit into. Trust your judgment and choose wisely.
Finances are stressful.
So many of us are broke. Unfortunately, we do not live in a financial system that upward mobility comes easily. If the most significant source of your stress is financial, it can be helpful to budget, attempt to find part-time work, or do like many millennials and get a side hustle. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. It isn’t shameful; it’s wise.
But you’ve heard all that. I wish finances had an easy fix, but they don’t. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to financial issues. As someone who has spent all of their life as a working-class individual, my life experiences and joy have been priceless. Mothers are mystical creatures. We always find a way to make it work whether it is out of intention or survival.
I’ve experienced some of those setbacks and still struggling through others. Careers, relationships, money, and motherhood can weigh heavy on us — but they don’t make us and they can never break us. It’s true, some days will be much worse than others. And God knows I have those days when I feel like I’m failing as well. But remember: it’s all about the journey, and you’re on the right path.
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