Back To School Is Supposed To Feel Like Relief. So Why Does It Feel So Sad?

Who am I going to eat lunch with? Will I fit in? How do I make a good first impression? As a five-time “new kid” before the age of 15, I knew those first-day jitters by heart. What I didn’t know was that my mom was quietly asking herself the same questions.

That’s the thing about back-to-school season. On the outside, it’s all smiles, “happy first day” photos, and parents sharing excitement about quieter houses and more predictable routines. What rarely comes up is what’s happening underneath — the complicated feelings that catch even the most prepared parents (including mine) off guard.

If you’ve ever felt an unexpected pang of sadness while zipping up a backpack, you’re not alone. Child development specialist, mom of two, and stepmom of three Dr. Lauren Loquasto has been there, too. “Strong attachment naturally creates emotion during transitions,” she says. “It means you’re deeply engaged in loving your child, and that’s what healthy parenting looks like.”

But while we’re busy supporting our children, who’s supporting us? That’s the question The Goddard School, a leading early childhood education provider serving nearly 100,000 children across more than 680 schools, is constantly seeking to answer. As The Goddard School’s senior vice president and chief academic officer, Dr. Loquasto says family involvement is viewed as an extension of children’s education.

“Parents in a Goddard School feel like they're joining a community that knows, values, and supports their entire family,” she says. Each school is committed to cultivating strong, meaningful relationships with families. In addition to daily engagement, schools host family events throughout the year that bring parents together with school leaders, faculty and one another, strengthening their sense of community. Online, the Parent Resource Center provides support via articles, videos, webinars, and research-based guidance on everything from behavior and emotional development to routines, learning, and family well-being.

Below, Dr. Loquasto shares more ways parents can move through this season with more grace and a lot less guilt.

Give It A Name: Transition-Related Grief

“Our culture tends to celebrate beginnings more than endings,” Dr. Loquasto says. “We cheer the first day of school but rarely acknowledge that it’s also the end of another season of childhood.” That’s transition-related grief: nothing technically wrong, just our child growing up way faster than we’d like.

Acknowledging exactly what you feel — relieved, sad, proud, lonely, grateful — is usually the first step toward moving through it instead of white-knuckling past it. The next step: Taking five minutes to check in with yourself and ask:

• What am I feeling?
• What do I need more of?
• What have I been neglecting lately?
• Who or what helps refill my cup?

Give yourself a moment to think through these answers, acknowledge how you feel, and focus on the actions you can take to help level yourself out.

Let Your Kids See The Real (Regulated) Version Of You

Kids borrow their emotional cues from us. When we show them a healthy range of emotions, what naturally follows is resilience, emotional intelligence, and confidence. But it matters how you say it.

Instead of: "I'm so lonely without you. I don't know what I'll do all day."

Try saying: "I'm going to miss our summer together because I love spending time with you."

The first covertly hands your kid your feelings to manage; the second builds emotional literacy. “One of the greatest gifts we can give children is showing them that emotions are temporary, manageable, and safe to experience,” Dr. Loquasto says.

Find Your Village, One Meaningful Connection At A Time

We all know the struggle of making new friends as an adult. Add in being a parent who’s moved away from family, lost their old support system, or just hasn’t found their people yet, and this season can feel especially isolating. Trying to carry everything alone puts you at risk for increased stress, burnout, loneliness, and exhaustion.

Swap the pressure to build a whole community overnight with a simple conversation or small action. “Community is built through repeated, ordinary moments of showing up,” Dr. Loquasto says. Try staying five extra minutes at pickup, introducing yourself to another parent, or showing up to one event. You never know what that one new connection might bring you.

Don’t Overlook The Teacher Sitting Right In Front Of You

One family’s Goddard experience sticks with Dr. Loquasto: they’d just relocated with no relatives nearby and a child working through separation anxiety. Their Goddard School teacher didn’t just help the child adjust — they checked in on the parents, celebrated milestones, and connected them with other families. Months later, the parents told her: “We enrolled expecting a school. What we found was our village.”

If there’s one thing you remember this school year, let it be this: Behind almost every smiling first-day photo is a parent wondering if they’re doing enough. Ask for help sooner. Accept support more readily. Celebrate the small wins. Your kid doesn’t need a perfect parent this year. They need a connected one — and that’s a lot easier to be when you’re not doing it alone.