Um, Have I Taken Body Positivity Too Far with My Kids?

I don’t usually take parenting advice from celebrities. But I once saw a clip of Kate Winslet that stuck with me.

On an episode of Running Wild with Bear Grylls, Winslet explained that she makes a point to talk positively about her body in front of her daughter. Growing up, she said, she never heard women say anything kind about their bodies — only criticism. So she stands in front of the mirror and says things like, “We’re so lucky we’re curvy” and “We’re so lucky that we’ve got good bums.”

Her daughter’s response? “Mummy, I know. Thank God.” Which, frankly, is the kind of body confidence most adults are still trying to achieve in therapy.

As someone who grew up in the toxic diet culture of the late ’90s and early 2000s— the era of low-rise jeans, celebrity weigh-ins and the phrase “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”— that message really stuck with me.

And so when I became a parent, I made a conscious decision: my kids were going to hear positive things about bodies on the regular. In our house, we celebrate strong legs, big bellies, and soft thighs. When my daughter lifts up her shirt and proudly declares, “Look at my big belly!” I respond like an enthusiastic art critic. “Yes! What a beautiful belly!”

And honestly? It’s working. Maybe a little too well.

Not long ago, my daughter was helping me change her brother’s diaper when she lovingly announced, “Oh baby, I love your beautiful penis.” I nearly died.

Then there’s my son, who regularly marvels at my “jiggly arms.”

Or the phase when my daughter was fascinated by breastfeeding and felt it was her civic duty to inform friends, family members and the occasional stranger about my “big nipples.” And the fact that, left to their own devices, all three of my kids would happily live in a clothing-optional world rather than put on boring things like pants and underwear.

Which raises an important question: Have I taken this whole body positivity thing… too far?

Why Kids Talk About Bodies Like Tiny Drunk People

If you’ve ever taken a small child out in public, you already know that kids have absolutely zero filter. They love nothing more than loudly narrating the world around them like tiny anthropologists.

“Does that man have a baby in his tummy?” “Wow, she is really tall.” “Mama your butt jiggles.”

According to therapist and eating disorder specialist Zoë Bisbing, that bluntness is completely developmentally normal. “Young kids haven’t been socialized yet,” she explains. “They’re still learning empathy and social rules, so they tend to name what they see out loud.”

In other words: your child isn’t trying to embarrass you in the checkout line. They’re just… observing. Very loudly.

Kids are also naturally curious about bodies because they’re one of the big ways they learn to organize the world. Everything they see is new information that they’re trying to make sense of.

What You Say Matters

While my daughter publicly praising her brother’s anatomy may not have been the parenting moment I envisioned, the bigger picture is actually reassuring.

“Research does show that the way caregivers message about both food and bodies does impact children's relationship to food and bodies,” says Bisbing.

“That means that if we speak critically about bodies — our own or our kids’ — that is likely to increase risk for negative body thoughts, negative body image, even increased risk for eating disorders.”

In other words, hearing a parent say “I hate my thighs” every day leaves a mark. So does hearing, “My body is strong and it lets me do amazing things.” Which makes sense when you think about it. Kids are like sponges, absorbing everything we say (even when we don’t realize they’re listening).

So… Have Millennial Parents Overcorrected?

If you’re a millennial parent, chances are you grew up during the absolute peak of diet culture. Thin was treated as the only acceptable body type, magazine covers analyzed celebrity cellulite like it was breaking news, and entire food groups were labeled “bad.”

So it’s not surprising that many of us are determined to do things differently with our own kids. In fact, millennial parenting seems to follow a pretty familiar pattern of reacting hard against whatever our parents did.

Case in point: Many of us grew up in households where yelling was normal and “children should be seen and not heard” was the prevailing philosophy. Our response? Gentle parenting—lots of validating feelings, calm voices, and talking things through.

And while that sounds great in theory, there are definitely moments—like when I’m calmly narrating my toddler’s big feelings as he’s throwing blueberries at my face—when I wonder if maybe the pendulum has swung a tiny bit too far. (Or as another mom recently wrote about gentle parenting, “Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely delusional?”)

Are we reacting so strongly to how we grew up that we’ve swung the pendulum a little too far the other way when it comes to bodies, too?

We went from hearing “don’t eat that, you’ll get fat” to teaching our kids that all bodies are beautiful, which is objectively a massive improvement. But every now and then, it does lead to situations where a six-year-old enthusiastically announces, “Mom, your butt is so squishy!” at drop-off.

Bisbing reassures me that moments like that are actually pretty normal.

“My daughter does this to me, too,” she says with a laugh. “Sometimes I just say, ‘Yep, it is!’ and jiggle it.”

The Real Lesson Kids Need

According to the expert, parents should focus on teaching kids two separate lessons.

First: bodies are diverse. Different shapes, sizes, abilities, and appearances are simply part of being human — just like there are different types of trees in a forest or dogs at the park.

Second: not every observation needs to be shared out loud. “It’s normal for kids to notice bodies,” she says. “But we also teach them that talking about someone’s body without permission isn’t okay.”

In other words, it’s totally fine to be curious. But save the public commentary for Mom in the car later.

The Surprising Sign It’s Working

So as a parent, how do you know that you’re doing things right? It turns out that the best indicator that your messaging around bodies is healthy is pretty simple.

“The biggest sign,” Bisbing says, “is when kids are just living peacefully in their bodies.”

Running, playing, eating ice cream, wearing shorts without a second thought. Not worrying about how they look. Just being kids.

And if that occasionally means hearing your kid shout “beautiful penis!” during a diaper change? Well, I suppose there are worse side effects of breaking the cycle.

Alexia Dellner is a mom of three, writer, and editor with bylines in PureWow, Women’s Health, SHAPE and more. She writes about parenting, travel, wellness, life hacks, and surviving the chaos. You can find her on Instagram @adellner.