Stop Telling Moms They’re “No Fun” For Actually Parenting
Reddit is rallying around a mom who’s tired of being cast as the bad guy for enforcing basic rules.
There are few things I hate more than when someone talks to me, but through my kid. It’s almost always a passive-aggressive attempt to say they disagree with my parenting choices or something I’m doing, and to say it to my kid — “Why is Mommy in such a bad mood?” — feels so disrespectful.
And one mom on Reddit has had enough.
In the subreddit /parenting, a mom of two (ages 5 and 2) shared a post where she wrote, “I’m so tired of being the ‘bad guy’ for enforcing basic routines with my kids.” The original poster (OP) added that she’s also in college part-time and that her family’s routines are what keep everything going.
“What drives me nuts is how often other adults act like I'm being mean for enforcing normal stuff,” OP wrote. “Yes, we have a bedtime. Yes, I say no to candy right before dinner. Yes, I make my 5-year-old pick up toys before moving on. No, I do not want to do a late-night ‘just this once’ at someone else's house because I do not want a cranky kid to ruin the visit.”
She said that the minute she holds the line on her boundaries, she feels like she’s cast as the villain. “Family members will say to my kid, right in front of me, ‘Oh, Mommy is strict’ or ‘Mommy is no fun,’ and then give me a look like I should laugh it off. Meanwhile, I'm the one getting up with the toddler at 6 a.m. and still trying to finish homework.”
She says that no matter how calm and consistent she tries to be, she feels like she’s in a weird “power struggle” with adults in her life who don’t have to parent her kids day-to-day. “I'm not trying to control everything; I'm trying to keep the house working and the kids regulated.”
OP ended the post by asking for advice on how to “shut down the ‘you’re no fun’ comments without starting family drama.”
And boy, did Reddit have thoughts.
“Pull your family members to the side next time you see them and say in a calm, firm tone, ‘You don't have to agree with my parenting, but you may not undermine me in front of my children.’ Look them in the eyes when you say that. Your frustration is valid. Good luck! Stay strong!” one commenter wrote.
“I correct them right in front of the kids. Oh, Grandma is mixed up again. Uncle X doesn't know how bad candy is for your teeth... then I take it offline and set boundaries. If they choose to disrespect the boundaries, there are consequences,” another parent added.
“People need to mind their business. ‘This is what works best for my family.’ End of discussion,” one simply wrote.
My personal favorite: “This makes me crazy! In the same vein as the baby is crying and someone immediately has to say, ‘Oh, Mama doesn't feed you, does she? She just starves you all day.’ Makes my blood boil instantly. I am extremely routine-flexible, and we're a very go-with-the-flow kind of family, and I still get these comments the second I don't let my 4- and 1-year-old stay at a party when it's already 9 p.m.”
Honestly, that’s usually the best way to handle busybodies like this. Whether they truly believe you’re “too strict” or “no fun” is beside the point — what they’re most upset about is that you’ve held a boundary involving your kids and they now have to adhere to that same boundary. When you think about it that way, and realize that they’re still pressing you and being rude, it makes it easier to tell them to f*ck off and let you parent your kids. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to be a part of anyone’s lives.
Several commenters also chimed in to remind OP that she knows what’s best... and that she’s doing a great job.
“Kids thrive on structure and routine. Some kids need it, some kids just do best on it, but are more flexible. Nothing you’re saying is too strict, it’s just good parenting,” one wrote.
“Just know you’re doing great. Kids absolutely need and thrive in structure. My kids are both teens now, and I’ve always done my best to keep a structured setting — because as a single parent, structure was necessary for my own sanity. And guess what — it sticks with them,” another added.
The funny thing is, these grandparents that were once our parents? They absolutely insisted on bedtime routines and ice cream only on Saturdays and doing your homework before playing video games. But there seems to be a huge memory lapse for older generations where they forget everything about raising kids — and everything about how it feels to have someone undermine you.
You aren’t too strict, you aren’t “no fun.” You’re a mom doing her best, making sure your kids thrive, your house doesn’t fall apart, and you aren’t so overwhelmed and tightly wound by the end of the day that you snap and make someone cry.
And if people keep harping on you, maybe let it out on them a bit instead.
