I Feel Like I'm Never Doing Enough
I am not a lazy person. But there are days when my surroundings seem to make me feel otherwise.
Let me explain.
Do you see all of those frames? We moved into our home nearly five years ago. I unpacked those photos and put them on the floor — temporarily, of course — in the corner of my bedroom. Until I had a moment to hang them up on our bare walls.
Well, that photo was taken yesterday. Yes, those frames have somehow been sitting there collecting dust for five years. Every time I look at them I think, “I should hang them” or “I should give them away” or “I should update the photos.” But I do none of these things. I am paralyzed with indecision.
I have an overflowing notebook of delicious-looking recipes I have torn out of magazines with the best of intentions. Yet I serve the same meals to my family, week after week, month after month.
I sorted through my clothes and bagged them up to donate. They’ve been riding around with me in the trunk of my car for two months now, causing me grief every time I turn a corner too fast and they spill out.
I have piles of paper on my desk. Reminders of things that need to be done. Transfer my wedding video to DVD before it fades away. Call the insurance company about a medical claim. Use that movie pass before it expires. Shred the old bills so I can file the new ones into the bulging folders. Make the orthodontist appointment. Buy that birthday gift.
I’m not special. This is the life of a mom. With a family of five, most days I’m only able to accomplish the have-tos. Have to go grocery shopping. Have to feed the kids. Have to take the dog to the vet. Have to do laundry. Have to pay the bills.
So all those want-tos? They just sit there, serving as constant reminders of my own perceived inadequacy. I walk around my home, and see those frames, and those recipes, and those piles of papers and I feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m not “getting it all done.”
But here’s what I’m beginning to realize, or rather, what I need to realize. Moms are not machines. We can’t go and go and go without stopping or we will break. And there is no free replacement if we do.
I may want to hang those picture frames or shred those bills tonight when the have-tos of my day are done. But honestly, what I need to do is to sit on the couch, curl up next to my sweet dog, and watch some Netflix.
And I also need to change the voice in my head to tell myself this doesn’t make me lazy. It makes me human.
So to all the moms out there, like me, who fall exhausted into bed each night thinking they didn’t do enough today, I hope you remember this:
You are the wheels that keep the train that is a family moving along. You are the engine that powers it and you are the conductor that steers it. You are amazing. And I’m betting that, today, you did enough.
This article was originally published on