What No One Tells You About Parenting Through An HS Flare

You know the feeling: the stabbing, throbbing pressure building under the skin, every movement a reminder that your body is fighting something you didn’t ask for. Now add a five-year-old who wants to build magnetic mini mansions on the floor.

That’s the reality Dawmart C., 33, navigates regularly. A mom to a 15-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, Dawmart was officially diagnosed with hidradenitis suppurativa (HS) at 28 — though she’d been quietly managing symptoms since she was 16. Here, she gets honest about what parenting through an HS flare actually looks like.

The Physical Demands Don’t Pause For Pain

“The biggest challenge during a flare is keeping up with the physical demands of parenting,” Dawmart says. “My five-year-old is active and always on the go, and there are days when simply getting up and moving around is difficult. Things like playing on the floor, running around outside, household chores, and even errands can become much harder.” Add in the emotional burden of wanting to show up fully but being limited by your body, and it can feel like another weight on your shoulders.

You’ll Miss Out On Things — And That’s Its Own Kind Of Grief

This is the part no one prepares you for. Dawmart had to miss her daughter’s dance competition during a severe flare. Later, recovering from a major deroofing surgery, she couldn’t join her son’s school trip. “Those moments were heartbreaking,” she says. “Even when your children understand, there’s still a sense of sadness and guilt that comes with knowing your condition prevented you from showing up the way you wanted to.”

Simplifying Isn’t Giving Up

On high-pain days, Dawmart has learned to do less, rest more, and adapt. “Our routine becomes much simpler. I focus on the most important tasks, conserve my energy, and give myself permission to rest when needed.” Her kids have grown up understanding that some days, mom needs quiet, and that quieter days can look like movies on the couch instead of the park — and that’s OK.

Asking For Help Is A Skill (And It Takes Time)

“At first, asking for help was difficult because I wanted to do everything myself,” Dawmart admits. “Over time, I’ve learned that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a way of making sure both my children and I are cared for.” So if you’re waiting until you’re at the breaking point to lean on your village, consider this your permission to start earlier.

Your Kids Are Watching, And They’re Taking Notes

The missed milestones stung, but they also revealed something. “Those experiences showed me how resilient and understanding my children are,” Dawmart says. “Their support and love during those challenging times have meant everything to me.” There’s something they’re learning from watching you push through — patience, empathy, and that hard things don’t have to break you.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

“Your children don’t measure your love by how much you accomplish,” Dawmart stresses. “Give yourself grace. Your presence, love, and support matter far more than being able to do everything.” The self-proclaimed HS warrior notes that the good days feel different when you’ve lived through the hard ones… and that’s a valuable lesson for all of us.

Your village should include a great dermatologist — find one near you here.

Presented by BDG Studios