Even my husband will be shocked reading this title. The thoughts “Who? Lili? Puts her husband first?” will probably run through his mind. Mind you, if you are reading this dear husband, I do try to put you first even if you might not feel it (yet).
There is no doubt that I can never quantify my love for the people in my life and put them in order. It just doesn’t work that way. My parents are special to me because they have been everything to me and still are. My sister has a place in my heart because I watched her growing up. My husband is the one I chose to spend the rest of my life with. My kids were wanted by me and given to me by God’s will, fate, nature, you name it. I love them all the same, no more, no less.
Yet, in life, we have to make choices. We can’t have it all; we can’t get everything done. That’s just how it works. We have to choose. And I make it my life philosophy to put my husband before my kids.
Anybody who knows me well enough, including my husband, would have thought that I love my children more than I love him. But no, I love them all the same, and it is my intention to always put my husband before my kids.
Kids, if you are reading this when you’re all grown up, I hope you will understand what I mean and always know that our family — every single one of you — means the world to me.
Here are my (very good) reasons (I would say) for making my life philosophy to put my husband before my kids:
We chose each other.
Out of all the people in my life, I get to choose one person to spend my life with. I get to choose one person to love. I get to choose one person to be my partner in everything. He doesn’t deserve second place after the kids come. After all, he’s still my first choice. I have to remember not to take him for granted. I have to remember to show him the love that I have for him. I have to remember that he was here before the kids.
There’s no one else who will put us first.
If we don’t put each other first in our family, there is no one else who will. We vowed to be there for each other through thick and thin, ’til death do us part. Why not be the person to always have our partner’s best interest at heart? My husband is the type that puts everyone else before himself. That is one quality I admire in him. However, it can be his strength and weakness at the same time. So I want to do my best to make sure he is well-taken care of and that his wants and needs are not ignored.
We are the foundation for the kids.
My life goal is to have a happy family above material possessions and financial status. Family comprises of my husband, me, and our children. We can only have a happy family if all of us are happy. If I put my children first, will my husband be happy? Of course he would be — he loves the children too. But he might feel neglected and less important, and that’s not how I want him to feel. When he feels that way, there will be a strain in the marriage; when that happens, the family is no longer a happy family. Thus, by putting each other first, we are doing our children a very big favor. There’s no doubt that we will love them the best we can, but it’s even better when we keep the family closer and stronger by putting our partner first.
So I do not raise self-centered children.
We are the first generation of parents to really put our kids’ interest first. We read hundreds of books and consult thousands of other mamas on Facebook groups that we join. All because we want what’s best for our children. It is easy for the kids to feel on top of the world. It is easy for the kids to feel they’re entitled. It is easy for the kids to feel their needs are more important than other people. But that’s not how we want them to feel. We want them to know their place.
We want them to know that everybody has their own place in life and that sometimes they can be on top, but other times, other people will come first.
So our sons will learn to put their wives first.
My husband and I are the closest married couple to our children. They will learn what marriage is, how it’s supposed to look, and what works and doesn’t work by looking at my relationship with my husband. There’s no doubt we want them to have their own happy family in the future — that is why I want them to know the importance of putting their spouse before their kids. It keeps the family together.
In the end, it will be “just us” again.
When the children are all grown and leave home to lead their own lives, it will be just me and my husband together. By then, it will be too late to rekindle any spark of love, and without kids, we might not feel the need to be together anymore. So to prevent that scenario, I intend to keep the love going strong from here onward.
Putting my husband first does not mean my kids will lose out at all.
If you’re still thinking I am a little crazy to put my husband first, I can understand where you’re coming from. You want what’s best for your children — so do I. But we have to remember that by putting our husbands first, it does not immediately translate to our kids being neglected, ignored, or overpowered.
It just means that while making decisions inside and outside of our home, I remember to take my husband’s feelings into consideration, and not only my kids.