Then: Casually wait in the living room for your parents to finally go to bed so you can get it on.
Now: Exhaustedly wait in bed for your teenager to finally go to sleep so you can get it on.
Then: Think about sex and when you can make it happen all the time.
Now: Think about sex once a week and how to avoid it the other days.
Then: Feel certain everyone your age is having more sex than you.
Now: Feel certain everyone your age is having more sex than you.
Then: Have sex on Sunday afternoon while your parents are out shopping.
Now: Have sex Sunday morning before your kids wake up.
Then: Sneak kisses in the basement, hallway, garage and behind the tool shed.
Now: Try to remember to kiss your spouse hello and goodbye.
Then: Always feel certain someone will catch you.
Now: Always feel the dog’s eyes on you when you’re doing it.
Then: Feel terrified of an unplanned pregnancy which would ruin your life.
Now: Feel terrified of an unplanned pregnancy which would ruin your life.
Then: Wait desperately for your parents to go out, anywhere, so you can get it on.
Now: Wait desperately for your kids to plug in their headphones so you can get it on.
Then: Try everything in bed.
Now: Get to what works immediately.
Then: Think sex in a bed is super exciting.
Now: Think sleep in a bed is super exciting.
Then: Always have a supply of condoms (because getting knocked up sucks).
Now: Always have a supply of lube (because perimenopause sucks).
Then: Be unable to focus on anything other than the next time you could do it.
Now: Be unable to focus on sex while you are doing it because of bills, laundry, work and carpool.
Then: Surreptitiously get to second or third base in movie theaters, cars, dark restaurants and on the front porch.
Now: Forget any foreplay and just do it as quickly as possible before you are interrupted.
Then: Wear sexy underwear.
Now: Wear clean underwear.
Then: Hope your parents don’t catch you because they have no idea what real sex is.
Now: Hope your teenagers don’t catch you because they have no idea what real sex is.
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