There’s going to be a “straight pride parade” and it’s getting roasted so, so hard
Apparently there are a select few people who feel very left out of Pride Month (whipping out the world’s most microscopic violin). So much so that three men are organizing a “straight pride parade,” because the straight community has been through so much hardship and discrimination and pain and deserves their day to shine. LOL, nope and these guys are being roasted very hard on Twitter — but none other than the Axe body spray account.
The parade is tentatively going to be held on August 31 and Mark Sahady, the organizer, took to Facebook to share an update on the event.”If you would like to come as an individual, march as a group, or bring a float or vehicle, then get in touch. This is our chance to have a patriotic parade in Boston as we celebrate straight pride,” he wrote, per Buzzfeed News.
One of the best burns of this whole thing came, somewhat surprisingly, from Axe body spray. It all started when Tony Posnanski took to Twitter to share a list of all the floats that he suspected would be in attendance at this ridiculous parade. They included: “Giant AXE body spray, Bag of Doritos, Big Mountain Dew, Tomi Lahren riding a Swastika…[and] the curly hair gun girl in a beige leotard riding an AR-15.”
Floats for the Straight Pride Parade…
– Giant AXE body spray
– Bag of Doritos
– Big Mountain Dew
– Tomi Lahren riding a Swastika
– Jacob Wohl waving on a Twinkie
– Charlie Kirk in a diaper
– The curly hair gun girl in a beige leotard riding an AR-15
– Giant Parent’s basement
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) June 4, 2019
Well, it turns out that Axe actually wants nothing to do with this parade. They tweeted back: “We’ll be at the parade that matters and this one isn’t it.”
we’ll be at the parade that matters and this one isn’t it— AXE (@AXE) June 5, 2019
Did Axe just become our new favorite body spray? Yup, definitely think so.
They didn’t stop there. A disgruntled user scolded the brand for not backing this parade and essentially accused them of discriminating against straight people. Side note: if this person just took the time to read ONE article about what the pride parade represents then maybe, just maybe she would understand why straight people need to sit this one out.
“Good to know you don’t support straight people,” one very upset woman named Jill tweeted. “How very uninclusive and intolerant of you. My straight son and my straight partner have decided to no longer use your products, since you don’t support them. I’m glad, because I think @Axe smells like garbage. #stayoutofpolitics.”
Good to know you don’t support straight people. How very uninclusive and intolerant of you. My straight son and my straight partner have decided to no longer use your products, since you don’t support them. I’m glad, because I think @Axe smells like garbage. #stayoutofpolitics— Jill Lennon (@karmatastrophe) June 5, 2019
To which Axe responded: “Gay rights are human rights but go off jill.”
Gay rights are human rights but go off jill— AXE (@AXE) June 5, 2019
People were really, really pleased with Axe. And Axe continued on that sassy, sassy Twitter train.
Social media intern, you deserve a raise. Well done!— Pat (@DVMPat) June 5, 2019
interns don't run the social media of major companies pat but thank you— AXE (@AXE) June 5, 2019
The roasts of this parade just kept on coming. “Props to everyone supporting the Straight Pride Parade,” Rogue NASA tweeted. “We know it was tough for you coming out to your parents, getting kicked out of your house, forced to get straight conversion therapy, lost your job, not allowed to marry who you love, and just generally discriminated against.”
Author Craig Rozniecki added: “Every day is a Straight Pride Parade, as regardless of intent, heterosexuals parade privilege across the country/world, not understanding that members of the LGBT community have continually fought and sacrificed for what they take for granted.”
And there were many, many, many jokes to be made.
What color khakis are we wearing to the straight pride parade? I was gonna go beige but I have an old navy gift card so I am also open to warm beige or light tan
— monica vasandani (@monicavas) June 5, 2019
Each float in the straight pride parade is 10 guys explaining a different Coen brothers movie to you.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) June 5, 2019
The Straight Pride Parade is just five guys wearing this pic.twitter.com/rBMUzdqjk7
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) June 4, 2019
a straight pride parade would unironically be excellent to watch because
1- parades are gay as hell
2- there’s no way a parade put on by straight dudes wouldn’t be hilariously bad. it would reach tpusa diaper levels
pls let the boston straights do this.
— hasanabi (@hasanthehun) June 5, 2019
Anyway, happy actual pride month, everybody. The majority of the sane country is celebrating all of you.