Trump tells Defense Department to establish a “Space Force”
Today, President Trump announced that he’s directing the Defense Department and Pentagon to set up a “Space Force” as the sixth United States military branch. The world is literally a god damn Saturday morning cartoon now, you guys. Our country’s leader is an evil villain and we’re about to get our very own Space Force™ branch of the military.
No, this isn’t a joke. Yes, we wish it were.
It was during a meeting of the National Space Council today that Trump announced his very Buzz Lightyear-like plan to create a Space Force. “I am hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a Space Force as the sixth branch of the armed forces,” he told the assembled group. “We are going to have the air force and we are going to have the space force. Separate but equal.”
"We are going to have the air force and we are going to have the space force": President Trump discusses plans for "sixth branch of the armed forces" at Nat'l Space Council meeting https://t.co/BU6U5hnobW pic.twitter.com/W0QgSnCeLQ
— CBS News (@CBSNews) June 18, 2018
Mother of god. He’s entirely serious. If you listen to him talk about this while imagining him as your uncle who’s slowly slipping into senility, it’s kind of hilarious. But when you realize this man is the literal President of the United States it takes on a decidedly darker vibe. He’s actually ordering a Space Force. To fight… space wars? What in the fuck is happening?
“Our destiny beyond the Earth is not only a matter of national identity but a matter of national security,” he said.
This isn’t the first time Trump has floated the idea of America having its own crew of interstellar warriors. Back in March, he first brought up the plan saying, “space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea.”
He ended his little speech with this baffling word salad.
Here's the transcript of Trump's conclusion to his space speech. pic.twitter.com/l4UxXr8tiq— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) June 18, 2018
Of course, Twitter came to the rescue with some very bleak humor to try and bring levity to the terrifying fact that a complete lunatic is currently running the country.
i can only assume Space Force's primary objective will be tearing alien babies from their mothers.
— m i t h (@ManInTheHoody) June 18, 2018
Trump: we need a space force.
Trump: to guard against all the illegal aliens.
Pentagon: sir, that’s not what that mea..
Trump: pew pew!
— Spanky McDutcherson (@thatdutchperson) June 18, 2018
MILLENNIALS: can we have Social Security maybe?
BABY BOOMERS: SPACE FORCE
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 18, 2018
Predator trump: I want to create a Space Force and rule the universe!
GOP/MAGA Cultists: Praise be! Blessed be the fruit!
Sane people: Help Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands, Hawaii, Flint, homeless veterans, low income families first?
GOP/MAGA Cultists: TOO MUCH MONEY! WAAAAH!
— Ricky Davila (@TheRickyDavila) June 18, 2018
Maybe if there's time @POTUS the Space Force could quickly rescue the kids locked in the cages in the Walmart?
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) June 18, 2018
Instead of a space force can we just get healthcare??
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) June 18, 2018
Perhaps the most disturbing part of today’s “what in the hell is happening to us”?” news is that by next week, it will all be forgotten. Replaced by something new and probably even more outlandish.
Until then, to idiocy….and beyond!