Twitter users share their creepiest kid stories.
Children can be cute. Children can be precious. Children can say some really, really creepy shit, and make you wonder if they’re maybe secretly a demon sent to haunt you for all eternity. No, seriously — there’s a Twitter thread exploding right now that details some weirdly cryptic stuff kids have said. Read on, and brace yourself. You should probably (definitely) sleep with one eye open from now on.
Last week, writer Mikki Kendall put out a Twitter call for some creepy, real-life quotes from children. And, oh boy, did people deliver. There are more than 1,000 stories and counting — each one more hilariously, terrifyingly bizarre than the next.
People who interact with kids, what is the single weirdest/creepiest thing a kid has ever said to you? It's Saturday night so why not creep yourself out? pic.twitter.com/6pK92nOkmG
— Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) January 28, 2018
First of all, there appears to be a lot of evidence that children are both psychic and have lived multiple lives.
I was was watching a prek class while the teacher was out and this little girl walked up to my belly pointed and said "There's a little tiny baby in there. There's a little baby right there." I was pregnant but hadn't told my job.— Noonie Kat (@KitaMargarita) January 28, 2018
My daughter was about 5 when she says you’re the best mommy I ever had. I said I’m the only mommy you’ve ever had. She looks at me and says no your the 3rd one but I like you the best😳— NosugarNocream (@daahlingnikki) January 28, 2018
Back in the day my younger brother used to tell us about his “other” grandparents, and the blue house they used to live in.— phenetiks (@phenetiks) January 28, 2018
After always telling him he was making it up he told our mother he could bring her there.
So, we went for a drive...
And this 5yo old little psycho gave her turn by turn directions for close to 45 minutes. We ended up 4-5 towns away at a dead end street with an abandoned blue house.— phenetiks (@phenetiks) January 28, 2018
There is also the real possibility that they’re straight up murderers.
So many to choose from, but it would have to be the day sitting on my sofa, heard a scratching noise meant to get my attention, looked up, and saw this: pic.twitter.com/uI5XQiFUjl— Melanie Dione (@themelaniedione) January 28, 2018
My son, at five years old:— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) January 28, 2018
"Daddy, I'm gonna eat you up."
"Yeah, I'm gonna cut you into little pieces."
They know when you’re going to die — and apparently it’s much sooner than you hoped it would be.
My mom went upstairs for a nap. My middle son asked her if she was happy she’d be seeing Jesus soon.— YourFavBlackAuntie (@greendoondoon) January 28, 2018
"We're all gonna die."— Nayhoooooooooo (@ms_chel_ayyye) January 28, 2018
"I know sweetie. That's just part of-"
"You're gonna die tomorrow."
Terrified, yet? It’s just going to keep getting weirder.
Like, there are some kids who will love you so much that they might try to kidnap you forever and/or make a replica of you without your organs. Because, natch.
It’s not as creepy as the rest of these, but I was babysitting for my mom’s coworker (6-7). He was playing some video game when he got up and somehow locked us in the basement. Standing in front of the door he slowly turned to me and said “now you’re stuck with us” pic.twitter.com/dr5LND3RRD— Cardi Leak 🦋 (@_LeakSpeaks) January 28, 2018
He was an only child so I was confused as to who tf “us” was. I called his mom to say we’re locked in the basement and she goes “I told him not to do that. He likes to keep everyone he likes down there” pic.twitter.com/yFKRjx5Faj— Cardi Leak 🦋 (@_LeakSpeaks) January 28, 2018
Other stories include a child who was in a coma and now, whenever it rains, she says that she smells God. “So if you ever wondered what God smells like, you’re welcome,” her mom quipped. “Makes you wonder where she spent those three days.”
There was also a kid who literally TUCKED HER BONE back into her skin after she broke her arm, grabbed her bike, and headed back home.
It is becoming abundantly clear that some children have weird supernatural powers, and we all have to accept this as fact and try to live our lives the best we can. Preferably with some garlic and holy water at our sides at all times.
Now, go hug your creepy child tight — while quietly praying that they don’t attempt to perform some sort of weird ghost ritual on you in your sleep.