Woman hides a piece of poop in her purse when her date’s toilet won’t flush
Nobody wants to poop in their man’s house on a first date — this is something we can all agree on, right? Yes, as the best children’s book ever written says, everyone poops, but that doesn’t mean you want to lead with that fact when you are embarking on a new relationship.
So what do you do when you’re on a first date, you’ve had too much coffee, and nature calls? If you’re Twitter user @_blotty, you use your date’s bathroom. Then you panic when the toilet won’t flush. A floater in a new beau’s toilet on a first date: it’s the first date quandary to end all quandaries.
Without further ado, the tale — told in a series of tweets:
I have a story to tell. It is about my poop
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
So, yesterday I went on a date with a man who asked me out in the grocery store the other day. All was going well. I went back to his place — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
I am a confident, calm and self assured woman…so I felt comfortable popping in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Properly. So, of course, like any calm, confident, self assured woman. I panicked. And flushed it a million times, making everything worse — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
By this point, I was really frantic because I had been in there for too long. There was only one single piece of poop. So in that moment
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Something came over me. And I knew exactly what I had to do. I got toilet paper and removed the one poop from the toilet. Once that was done — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
I realized I didn’t have a plan. What do I do with it now? I can’t fucking leave it there. By this point I was REALLY freaking out because
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
I’d DEFINITELY been in there too long. So, again, making another horrible decision. I did the only thing I could think to do. I wrapped it — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
In multiple layers of toilet paper, and put it in my purse
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
NO.
Alright, so now what? We are sitting there on his couch and kissing and all I can think of is the piece of poop in my purse — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
CANNOT. EVEN.
Him: you’re so beautiful. The moment you smiled at me,u had me
Me: that’s really sweet
Me in my head: I have a piece of my poo in my purse— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
LOL. Forever.
At this point, I text my sister for advice pic.twitter.com/lMeX55iiH4 — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
“WHAT IS HAPPENING?” This is every sister. Everywhere.
So, after a few hours he used the washroom and I heard it flush. I figured he fixed it. Maybe not, but I have to take the chance. I hAve to
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Try to flush the poop. So I brought my purse up to the washroom. Unwrapped the poop, prayed to every god I know, put it in and flushed — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
By the grace of God, it worked. The poo flushed. I was free. I was in the clear. Everything was going to be okay. I survived.I am a survivor
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
So that’s my story. A man, sat there telling me I’m the most amazing woman he’s ever met, not knowing, 10 feet away in my purse, was my poop — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
That I’d fished out of his toilet…
— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
This is v embarrassing for me. But seriously: dont drink coffee before a date, its better to be sleepy than to have to hide poop in ur purse — misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
THE END.
This story is everywhere and has the entire internet playing “What would you do?” I’m admittedly one of those who’s spent entirely too much time going back and forth with alternate scenarios this morning. Couldn’t she say she needed some fresh air and toss it into a bush? What exactly was going on with this toilet? Was there no plunger? Does she not know the trick to fill the tank with water so it flushes? So many questions. As someone who has dealt with many dirty diapers I can say with some confidence that I would throw that thing out the window before I would put it in my purse. Or — you know — leave it in the toilet.
What would you do????
Oh, @_blotty. You are a hero. Thank you for divulging this ridiculously embarrassing story and giving dating people everywhere another nightmare scenario to panic about. Also for the belly laugh so many of us desperately needed this week.
