10 Things I Never Thought I’d Have To Say…Until I Had Boys

I have three boys. They are pretty mellow, on the boy-energy scale, and they are pretty well-behaved, on the boy-behavior scale. They are, however, creative. And sometimes I have to wonder what is going through those little blond heads of theirs.

When I imagined motherhood, I obviously didn’t have a clue about what it would be like to raise only boys. I had no brothers and I think I imagined that the things that would come out of my mouth would mostly be wise and after-school-special-ish. Maybe we will get there, but I suspect not any time soon. For now, these are some of the things that have come out of my mouth. Each time, I have found myself thinking, “did I really just have to say that?” And so, I started keeping a running list. Here are some of my favorites:

1. It is NEVER okay to pee into the bed of your toy truck. Self explanatory, right? Not to my then 3-year-old. I remember it vividly. It was the front-loader WOW garbage truck. I guess I have to compliment his aim. The little bucket-part isn’t very big.

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2. Take your brother’s underwear off your head RIGHT NOW. You’d think the thought of wearing another person’s (ahem) “used” undies would be a natural turn-off, right? Not to that same 3-year-old.  Being goofy totally trumps hygiene.

3. Do not stick your finger anywhere near your brother’s eye ball. Ever. I honestly don’t remember which kid did this. Probably that same 3-year-old.

4. Do not eat your ear wax. That had to have been the other one. He seems Kleenex-averse. I keep wondering when that whole eating-boogers thing is going to go away. No matter how insistent I am on a) how gross it is, b) how unhealthy it is, c) the actual make-up of boogers, it just persists. I truly think it is done out of convenience. This does not give me comfort.

5. Do not throw banana peels on the ground and then attempt to slip on them. This one was actually witnessed by my husband.  I think it was an attempt by our 4-year-old (the aforementioned former-3-year-old) to recreate a Mythbusters episode. I should also mention that due to Mythbusters, my 7-year-old categorically refuses to wear jeans. Ever. Why? Because there was an episode about jeans spontaneously combusting (or something).He is quite seriously afraid if he wears jeans, he will catch on fire. No amount of discussion will convince him otherwise. Thank you, Discovery Channel, and thank you fashion-designers for all of a sudden making sweat pants hip and cool.

6. Do not leave your toothbrush on the floor next to the toilet where you might pee on it. That firehose is a dangerous thing. So much of what I thought I would never have to say relates to it. Not much that relates to pee or penises surprises me anymore. Well, okay, maybe #9.

7. Do not put boogers in your ear. Seriously. Did I just have to say that?

8. A pretend helmet can’t actually protect your head. That’s wise, right? You gotta love the imagination of a 4-year-old. Even if it might give me a near-heart-attack from time to time. This kid goes to the beach during 90-degree weather in full fireman-costume. And wears it the whole time.

9. Do not leave cups of pee in the bathtub. Okay, so my boys apparently needed to go mid-bath and didn’t want to get out of the tub.  So, they concocted a plan. They seriously thought they were doing some sort of science experiment to see what would happen if they left it there for a few days. This occurred during our 7-months-o’-colic-with-our-third, if you are wondering why there was not more supervision. I took out the trash. I scrubbed the floor around the toilet. I cleaned the toilet. I washed the rug. I could NOT figure out why I could not eradicate the smell. Then I found the offending cups. And we had to have a talk.

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10. Don’t put blackberries in your pockets. Blackberry bushes grow as weeds here in the Pacific Northwest. My oldest LOVES blackberries. He recently discovered these curious things built into his (non-denim) pants called pockets. Now he fills them with things. Like blackberries. Side-anecdote: somewhere around a month into Kindergarten last year, he decided he wanted to buy lunch for the first time. He was so enthusiastic about all the choices that when lunch was over, he stuffed his pocket with all the left-over stuff he didn’t have time to eat.  He came home with a pocket full of cherry tomatoes, snap peas, and peanuts. He was so excited to *show* us what he got for lunch.

I’m sure the list will continue for many years, and judging by the way the third boy-child is developing, he will add his own creative twist to mischief, but this is the stuff mommy-memories are made of, right?  No seriously, right?

Related post: Your Penis Won’t Fall Off And Other Things Boys Should Know

About the writer

Danielle Anderson is a full-time mother to three boys (ages 7, 4, and 1), and a very part-time architect.  She probably used to have hobbies, but now in her spare time (ha!) enjoys obsessively photographing her children and blogging about their adventures at aaaupdate.BlogSpot.com.

From Around the Web


Jessica 3 months ago

2 boys & a girl! Recently it’s been – no you cannot poop outside (in the backyard). No you cannot pee on your sister! At Dunkin Donuts – please stop licking the counter and STOP blowing kisses with the bottom of your sneaker! Those are just this past week!

Misty 3 months ago

“Don’t lick your sister.” “Don’t fart on your sister.” “We say excuse me when we burp. Not, ‘Wasn’t that AWESOME!?'” “Don’t break that. Don’t throw that.” “Don’t spit on the dog.”

TEC 3 months ago

I have three boys…….now 36, 38, and 40 …..and all married. Still have to say something every once in awhile and saying the “unimaginable” has become commonplace. Just think of all the great stories you get to tell THEIR kids someday (and I do…13 grandchildren, 2 great-grandchildren, and counting!)

Cricket 4 months ago

My son was horrible for being in things he hasn’t done it in a couple years but I swear I leave te house and come back I can still smell hints of it! He peed in a pop can once… That I took a drink of too sleepy to realize I hadn’t opened one. He peed in a dump truck in a piggy bank this is probably my fault we have one bathroom and for a year I almost kept diarrhea from a condition I have and would tell him to pee in the tub (which I would clean and bleach) but I somehow instilled in him that he can be anywhere. The weirdest thing I’ve had to yell was “QUIT CHASING ME WITH YOUR PENIS!!!!” For awhile if he was naked he was chasing me with it trying to touch me because he knew it bothered that’s when I learned the most important mommy lesson Never. Show. Fear.

Kim 4 months ago

Besides using all the above phrases….one of our favorites, to my then 4 year old, “when you stuck that pistachio in your nose….where did you thinking would go?” It was not as easy to retrieve as one might think!

Katarina 4 months ago

‘Yes – I can see your penis is strong enough to put a hole in the toilet paper. Now take the paper off and put it in the toilet’ 4½ years old… 😉

Amy Southern 4 months ago

NO! Your brothers baseball cup is not a snorkel, so get it off your face.

Kristi 4 months ago

“Don’t pee on [the neighbor’s] house!… no, it doesn’t matter if it will dry, we still don’t pee on people’s houses!” Or “keep your penis in your pants while you’re jumping on the trampoline!”or “Don’t put mud in your brother’s shirt… I don’t care if he says he likes it!”
Those were just in the last week, to name a few…

Hope 4 months ago

In 2003, I married a widower who had 2 boys, ages 3 and 5. I was a single mom to 2 girls, ages 9 and 5. In hindsight, I was 2,000% unprepared for the variety of challenges I was yet to experience when raising boys versus and in addition to girls!!! My most vivid memory was walking past the bathroom and catching a glimpse of both, standing in front of the toilet, side by side, peeing TOGETHER!! It still cracks me up to this day, but your MythBusters story is priceless!!! Also, like you, my boys always left random items on pockets. All those “surprises” led me to cut holes in the pockets to avoid ruining countless clothes and yet another washer/dryer! Problem solved!!

The Mean Mama 4 months ago

“Don’t PEE on your head!”

Found oldest son, middle son, and nephew had slid mattress off the side of the box springs like a slide, they were laying on it, head lower than feet, peeing… on their faces.

ami 4 months ago

Also mother of three boys, ages 6,8 and 9:

-shampoo bottles are not meant for penises.
-we don’t scrub your brother’s butt with Dad’s toothbrush.
-no, I don’t have a penis. (Convinced that I do because they can hear me pee… like I’m in some type of denial…)

Z 4 months ago

“Is that a jar of spit?”

Amy 4 months ago

“Kevin! Don’t ‘tea bag’ your brother!’ – while his brother, who couldn’t crawl yet, was laughing hysterically.

Rachel 4 months ago

“We do not throw underwear that you just pooped in, at people, especially your mother”

Rachel 4 months ago

“Don’t ever lick the toilet seat!”

sandy 4 months ago

What is it about boys and pee? Mine was “Don’t pee in the shampoo bottle!”

frynnsk 4 months ago

My favorite was “no you cant moon the store” my son at 3 years old discovered that pulling his pants down and displaying his butt made people laugh so he wanted to do it everywhere.

Elizabeth 5 months ago

Do NOT chase your sister with a bug. Keep all bugs to yourself! And he’s only 2. I’m in big trouble!

Sue 5 months ago

10/10 bt need an UK version … including …. let me know if you want the toilet in the night . In brackets cos you’ll spray the ceiling with that device of yours.
AND … younger brother at pre-school (aged almost 3) Teacher “Who’s got some news to share?” What a bloody stupid question to a group containing a child just back from sick leave for a Circumcision … who drops his pants…. and proudly says “Look! I’ve got one just like daddy’s now!”

Diana 6 months ago

My son calls scabs bacon too! I hope he’s not eating them though. :)

Diana 6 months ago

Haha! I’m told that my son’s butt tickles for the same reason.

Diana 6 months ago

At 9 I still have problems with him peeing on his sister just for spite. OK, she is the one who really has a problem with it.☺

Diana 6 months ago

Oh god! I thought I was the only one dealing with my boy peeing in the litter box. Still doesn’t make me feel better though. Lol.

LINDA HANTZ 6 months ago

i always have to ask my three gorgeous Grandsons….ages 5.5 (twins) and3 to point their peepee into the water….so it doesn’t go all over the toilet or the wall or the floor!

Amanda 6 months ago

LOL wow! I am a mother of three girls but I am pregnant with a boy due in June. Wondering how much fun we are going to have with this little mischief maker. Thanks for giving me an idea!

Clare Peterson Weber 6 months ago

Don’t ride your brother (6 months old) like a pony!
The three year old would sit on the baby and bounce. I said he had to wait to wrestle and push until brother was old enough to fight back.

Stephanie Pizor 7 months ago

“No, you can not have a cookie because you put chocolate syrup all over the dog”

Stephanie Pizor 7 months ago

Happened to me today..lol

Toni Gabbani 7 months ago

I had 3 brothers and they were not like this at all.

Leslie Jennison Nixon 7 months ago

Stop standing on your brother’s head.

Peta Howson 7 months ago

Kylie so much to look forward too!! Lol

Sharon Wheeler 7 months ago

In addition to the things I never thought I’d say, there are also the things I never thought I’d hear. On the way to daycare this week, my 4-year-old says, “Guess what, Mommy? Me and [friend] were playing with our wee-wees yesterday! We were making them talk!” Wait, what?!

Ruth Searcy 7 months ago

Me: “Put your peepee back in your pants”
My 4yr old: “No, it needs to breathe”

This is every day.

Or- please get your peepee off my leg (or furniture.. Whichever he feels it needs to rest on that day)

Lynda Kurth 7 months ago

Stop peeing down the air vents. Don’t pee under your bed to see how far u can hit . Don’t pee in your sisters boots.

Kelly Leigh 7 months ago

‘ don’t drink that water, you just pooped in there’ (hurry up and get out!!)

Cheryl Pickford 7 months ago

Hilarious !

Kaitlin Hoach 7 months ago

Hahaha! :)

Amber Thomas 7 months ago

my 4 year old “mommy my wee wee is too big to fit in my underwear” me “baby do you need to pee?”

Erica Birdman 7 months ago

Don’t lick the dog
I see you with that booger
Our baby just peed on his face!
Why are you naked

Tracey Rediker 7 months ago

just said this a few days ago: stop twerking and do your homework! I guess that one is unisex.

Jane Ball 7 months ago

Don’t stick you finger near the dogs butt!!

Camila Linhares Oliveira 7 months ago

I’ve never had to say any of that…

Becky Skeen 7 months ago

My son when he was two though it was cool to play shake the firehouse while peeing.

Becki Hahnen 7 months ago

Every time they get out of the bath they need to run around naked shaking their penis like a crazy animal:… Ugh. They even have their sister trying to find hers so she can join in this bath time dance ritual… :/

Erin Zielenski 7 months ago

“Stop pulling on your penis” “Wipe your butt before you pull up your pants” “Do NOT wipe your butt on the cat/dog/wall/me!” “Don’t eat that (booger, earwax, hairball, dirt, piece of candy from the floor……)”

Marian Stewart Moore 7 months ago

Me to a 3 year old in the bathroom who just got a toy digital camera as a gift: “no wee-wee pics”.
Him: “I already did.”

Rebecca Runnels Crotts 7 months ago

You can’t play in the oven…
Get your gum out of your toes…
You can’t pure on the neighbors flowers…

K.c. Covert 7 months ago

Grammars need to know this stuff too!

Jennifer Figueroa 7 months ago

these are so great. my husband and i were literally crying with laughter as we read them.

Jennifer Cure Kehler 7 months ago

Let’s not keep track of how much you pee I one day by peeing in a pitcher and leaving it under the bathroom sink.
Don’t play with dead things…go wash with soap.
Baby skunks can still pee on you! Now you know. I’ll get the tomato juice.
Your brother does look good in blue…clothes! Not paint! Get in the bathroom!

Veronica Dawn 7 months ago

Don’t pee on the dog…

Siouxqie TwoKnuckle 7 months ago

I’ve said, “quit peeing on the damn dog” so many times.

There’s also been “don’t stand on the swing and pee!” (To my oldest). And to my youngest, (shrieking in disgust) “OH MY GOD! QUIT FREAKING RUNNING THROUGH IT!”

Boys are just gross.

Jessica C 7 months ago

I have 3 boys too…6,3, and 1. My am constantly fielding penis, butt, and fart talk. “Stop putting your (naked) butt near his face” “please stop farting on each other”….etc.

Jennifer 7 months ago

“It’s not nice to pee on your brother…no, that doesn’t mean you can pee on the dog either!”

Sara Marshall 7 months ago

I have a 3 year old boy with another boy on the way… I think I might need my own room… In another house…. Lol

Bethany Draime 7 months ago

Why are you pooping out side, 4 year old, mommy the dog did it too… How do you keep a straight face through that?

Bethany Draime 7 months ago

Please stop sing the song “shake your booty” everywhere we go, do not roll the car window down and yell at other cars! Oh and we do not have to pick up every rock we fine at the park :-)

Debbie Caruso 7 months ago

“Die already then brush your teeth!” Said in the context of that he was playing a computer game and I told him to go to bed. He said, “after I die.”

Debra McCourt Hostas 7 months ago

It is scary what goes through boys mind!

Nicole Lynn 7 months ago

Honestly, my girl is way less into hygiene than my boy! She is older too! the only thing that differs is that my boy is obsessed with his penis and my girl is not obsessed with her parts. What is up with that???!

Heather Fulginiti 7 months ago

Never thought I’d hear this one:
“Mommy, I just peed in the tubby!” No, he wasn’t taking a bath, he just spoof up on the side, pulled his weiner out and did his business.
He’s all about taking pictures of his poop too. “Mommy, I’m done going poopies, will you take a picture of it?!?”

Clarissa 7 months ago

I’m had to threaten my 3 year old with a de-capping as he was being a mean superhero.

Jessica Rolfe 7 months ago

That’s tame. Mine are so much worse.

Cindy Anthony 7 months ago

Lol glad I had s girl

Emma 7 months ago

“Don’t hit your brother in the face with your penis”. Followed by (to the other one) “do NOT bite your brother’s penis”. Boys.

Meredith 7 months ago

Said to my two boys on more than one occasion: “Licking your brother is not acceptable even as self-defense.”

NaDesha Allman Hubbell 7 months ago

I’d like to add to that list ” get off the roof”.

Kristin 7 months ago

Sadly I have had to say, “Elyas, get your penis off the iPad.”

Crystal Moore 7 months ago

“Stop sticking Cheerios on your penis”

Laura Palmer 7 months ago

Get batman off your penis has actually been said in our house. ..

Carol Greiner 7 months ago

Why can’t this be titled “10 things I never thought I’d have to say…until I had KIDS”? These sexist “boys-are-gross-but-we-love-them-anyway” articles are irritating. I have 3 girls and I’ve said some version of all of these many times. Girls do the exact same things as boys, just replace “penis” with “vagina”. Girls are just as gross, weird, and fart-obsessed as boys!

Sherry G. York 7 months ago

4 boys and a grson, I’ve heard it all..still don’t know the full story of how my second son, Steven split his head open, and how his older brother Brian was involved..I never will I’m sure.

Julie Oldfield 7 months ago

Don’t lick the cat!

Heather A 7 months ago

Definitely had to say a few of these! Lol love my boys

Mary Callahan Kisamore 7 months ago

Just be glad it was blackberries. My boys stuffed their pockets with frogs some still alive some not and once there was just half a frog, they found it on the road, the other half they said was squashed. Pockets were also their favorite place to put used gum. Lol.

Debbie Decker Marsack 7 months ago

I think #5 is something I could teach them.

Ellen Schappe Jurado 7 months ago

When I taught preschool, one of my top comments was, “The hole for your penis goes in the front of your underwear.” (When getting dressed after swimming)

Kathy Voisin Zeuty 7 months ago

Number 9!! I thought I was going out of my mind. Could not find the source of the stench for hours!!

Madison Mello 7 months ago

We have a cup he likes to play with in the bath. So “get your feet out of the cup, you’re gonna fall” comes out way more often than I ever thought. Also at bath time “stop pulling on your pee pee! Doesn’t that hurt?” He has way more toys than he needs. And that’s still his favorite toy..

Brie Gruber 7 months ago

No…mommy’s underwear doesn’t go in your mouth… (I was folding clothes and he got a clean pair). I love these!

Amy Smith 7 months ago

Ha! My girls are 9 & 10… my boy is 3 and I feel like I have to explain so much more to him. Like I shouldn’t have to tell him to keep his finger out of his butt. And that you shouldn’t tell strangers when you fart. And how many times do I have to explain that “what the hell” should not be in his vocabulary? Boys are great. I’m beyond thankful I only have 1 though!

Amber-lynn Vigini 7 months ago

Oh boys, gotta love them. We’ve got two and it’s only going to get better as they get older

Tammy Zimmer Halligan 7 months ago

#7 – I had to tell my boy, “Do not put boogers in your sister’s ear.” He was taking the wet willy up a notch.

Janet Louden Schafer 7 months ago

My ever favorite….”Get your hands out of your pants.”

Nell Farrant-Stanley 7 months ago

I fact hears a list of things I’ve said to my daughter that lists like this would attribute to ‘boy’ behaviour, rather than a young child’s behaviour.

1. Get your head and arms out of the lavatory! You may not fish your poo out!

2. Please don’t smear bogies on your picture, you are not Tracey Emin – although secretly I thought her bogey collage was quite creative……

3. If you need to scratch [your vagina], perhaps do it in the lavatory, we don’t need to see that.

4. Take your backside out of my face and put your pants back on now please………….Did you just fart in my face?!?

5. No thank you, I would not like to be cuddled [squeezed] until my blood comes out of my eyes.

6. No, I do t think we can remove the top of your head so you look more like a zombie.

7. Stop licking my face please.

8. Stop licking your friends faces please.

9. Stop trying to lick Nanny’s dog please………. Well yes, if you’re going to lick the dog, you’re going to get a mouthful of hair. Lesson learned [not].

10. Yes it does feel nice but please remember that what lies in your pants is private, that means not in front of people.

11. Please don’t pee on the lawn………. Well trying to kill the dandelions is great, but not with pee.

12. You peed in the paddling pool, great……….. No don’t drink the water!

13. No you could not use your poo like a chalk on the patio…………… Where did you poo?

14. Why are you naked, again?

The list goes on. It’s childish, creative, naughty, dirty fun behaviour. Not boy’s behaviour. That just contributes to gender stereotyping.

SmyleeFly 7 months ago

Why did you shove your Jello down your pants?

Mary Caitlin 7 months ago

My personal favorite was during DS’s swaddle transition: “if you don’t stop hitting yourself, you’re loosing arm privileges” In my defense it was day three of no sleep bc he constantly hit himself

Diane 7 months ago

“No super powers at the table!!” For my 2 and 3 year old boys who were entertaining the 1 year old boy by shooting “spiderwebs” at mommy.

Rebecah Woltersdorf Degnan 7 months ago

Don’t pee on the dog! If you’re outside and you have to play then you need to come inside and pee, not pee outside, standing next to the stop sign!

Alana Sypsomos 7 months ago

The random things said in our house that would make sense no where else on this planet still amuse me. =)

Deborah Stemp 7 months ago


Kimberly Hunt 7 months ago

I want to “like” everyone’s comments. Lol

Dana Marie Cain 7 months ago

“Don’t ever pee on the playground slide again!”

Jessica Peltier 7 months ago

Despite all the gross things of boys and being the only female in my house, wouldn’t trade it for the world =). The boys maybe gross but I’ve had the most fun!

JT 7 months ago

“No you can not wash and eat the Nerd and M&M you found on the school bus floor.” …. Single Nerd, BTW. Do you know how small those are?

Jessica Peltier 7 months ago

I vividly remember him telling me when he was little and picking his nose, “it’s good for my immunady”. Still gross lol. Now that he is 17 it’s all new gross things, plus him and his father egg each other on now as well to come up all new gross things too. Lol. Still “stores” things in his pockets too /smdh

Kari Naylor 7 months ago

Oh wow, these comments are cracking me up! I’m reading them while doing an early-morning feeding and keep waking up the hubby (just gave birth to our second boy and wondering what we’re getting ourselves into!!)

Eric Scott 7 months ago

I’ve been told all of those. I’m sure of it.

Cathi DuBose 7 months ago

Hilarious list!! Mom knows best!!

ShaDell Garrett Howard 7 months ago

Stop licking everything! The wall, the table, your sister, my arm, the chair, dirt, the DIRT!,

Kerry Pirie 7 months ago

I see there’s no mention of shitting on hands here.

Megan Carman Walker 7 months ago

“Don’t let the dog lick your penis”. Direct quote from me to our 8 year old last night!

Kimberly Douglas Morgan 7 months ago

“Get the LEGO out of your mouth!! I am NOT digging through your poop again!!”

Cindy Jones-Muller 7 months ago

Not so much blackberries in the pocket.. But slugs.. Yes.

Debra Cassidy 7 months ago

Boys keep your silk scarves put up

Letty Ramirez Galindo 7 months ago

“Do not eat your boogers!” “No I don’t want to see your butt”

Krista 7 months ago

6 boys for me…”We do not pee in the heat vent, on the guest bed, out the window (2nd story through the screen), on the laundry, in the sink, or on your brother.” “Stop trying to flush the cat down the toilet.” “Put your clothes back on! (To my 8 and 5 year olds while they were jumping on the trampoline in the backyard.). I could go on and on.

Wendi Brown Johnson 7 months ago

To my 2 year old: You HAVE to wear pants in public! Ugh… FINE then at LEAST keep on your underwear!

Tawnya Faulkner Munroe 7 months ago

My then four yr old son had a bath and I took him to his room to dress while my 5 yr old daughter played with her friend in another room. I went to hang up his bath towel and I heard “feel it, it’s so soft” from him and the girls “ewwww, put it away.!” I didn’t know whether to lock myself in the bathroom or go rescue the girls from “wonder penis!”

Phyllis Pegg 7 months ago

Tubes of toothpaste are not the same as squirt guns and should not be used as squirt guns. Don not pee into the cat’s litter box.

Debbie Hogan Wood 7 months ago

Love this!

Julia MacMillan Edwards 7 months ago

“Do not lick the television screen.”
“Do not do not stick your toothbrush in your sister’s butthole.”
“Do not stick your finger in the dog’s vagina.”
“Do not put worms in your pockets.”
I could go on and on…..

Raymond Dowd 7 months ago

no you penis is not a copperhead and dont use my lipstick to make it look like one….me at age 3 i used my mothers red lipstick to paint my penis then ran thru grannys house telling everyody i caught a copperhead. my granny had to leave the house to keep me from seeing her laugh.

Nancy Marie Haley 7 months ago

I have one boy and the only thing I have to say to him is “aim that thing when you pee” his sisters are the hellions. He is an angel.

Kaitlyn Rosa 7 months ago

“It’s not ok to pee in a water bottle and leave it in your room”… “get your hands out of the catbox!”… “get your fingers out of your butt!”… “We don’t drink bath water”… I have two boys so the list goes on and on. Lol

Lori Hudson 7 months ago

It will make your penis fall off is my go to explanation for everything.

Dyan Chisum 7 months ago

From the other end of the hall and moments too late….”dont flush your socks down the toilet!!!!”

Trieu Nguyen 7 months ago

Reflecting on my childhood, I fondly remember a time when I wasn’t afraid of pee, invisible or otherwise. If you don’t understand peeing in the bed of a toy truck, just imagine having a penis for a day, and tell me you wouldn’t write your name in the snow.

Janie Sprout Moore 7 months ago

That’s why we don’t run in the house with buckets on our head!

Lei 7 months ago

We were playing “got your nose”
7yo boy “got” his 3yo brothers face. 3yo FLIPPED out.
“Give your brother his face back. Just give his face back to him” to my stupefied 7yo.
I left the room speechless at that one :)

Kayla Muncie Luckie 7 months ago

Lol what I got out of that… What school lets you have peanuts? Craziness lol

Jessica Lynn 7 months ago

Twice I had to say to my 15 month old son, your penis doesn’t eat food. I was changing his diaper and he had food in his hand. The first time he took his pancake and tried to feed me the pancake that was on his penis. I was like no thank you.

Chelsea McGee 7 months ago

“Don’t pee in your boot then dump it in the laundry basket.” I mean, why???

Aimee Polevoy 7 months ago

OMG thank you for this. Especially #9! When I finally find the origin of the pee smell, I feel like I’ve won the lottery. Our 4 year old is very ‘creative’.

Joanna Shelling 7 months ago

“Don’t try and stick your finger up your brothers bum.”

Rachel Padgett- Robinson 7 months ago

While laughing hysterically, “Why did you pee in your brother’s shampoo?” Short back story: 7 year old was mad at the 9 year old so he peed in his shampoo. I smelled the 9 yr olds hair after he showered one evening and didn’t believe him when he told me he had indeed washed it. That’s when our 7 yr old giggled and “had to tell me something”……We had this conversation FOUR DAYS AFTER “the incident ” :)

Rachel R 7 months ago

While laughing hysterically, “Why did you pee in your brother’s shampoo?” Short back story: 7 year old was mad at the 9 year old so he peed in his shampoo. I smelled the 9 yr olds hair after he showered one evening and didn’t believe him when he told me he had indeed washed it. That’s when our 7 yr old giggled and “had to tell me something”……We had this conversation FOUR DAYS AFTER “the incident” :)

Diana 7 months ago

Oh my, I was dying! I have three boys and a baby girl, and all of these are sooo close to home! They’ve peed on trees in the front yard-we live in town but they learned to do this when we lived in the country. They try to stuff the cat into drawers and down the floor vent to see if she’ll fit. And they jump off and over EVERYTHING!!!

Bethany Alden Riggs 7 months ago

Many of these pee/penis-related ones are common around here, but I’ve had to say plenty of other weird stuff too. For example:
-Don’t use cheese as a bookmark
-Don’t wipe boogers on the dog
-Don’t put carrots in your underwear drawer
-Don’t put dead bugs in your ears
-Why are there Legos in the pantry and a can of beans in my purse?

Michelle Woolston 7 months ago

I said to my 16 year old, “oranges are not for juggling”. Maybe they are for juggling just stop dropping them! He also likes to fart on the cats head.

Sarah Baldwin 7 months ago

Before I even read it, I knew it.. The obsession with their wieners.

Diane Burke Ptacin 7 months ago

Soooooo much #4.

Shelley Walls 7 months ago

your butt crack is not a pocket…. take those cards, toys, and comb out of there!!!

Nicole France 7 months ago

I could add to this list with 3 boys of my own. Growing up in a house of 4 girls I had NO IDEA how gross little boys could be.

Joan Wedege Lundkvist 7 months ago

This is so me!

Sarahannë Starms 7 months ago

“Please put your penis away, we don’t rub it on the gate.”

Amy Giancola Soule 7 months ago

Never put a paper clip down the hole in your penis again! He follows with…. What can I stick down there?…… NOTHING;)

Mom2four 7 months ago

Mine was get the dvd off your penis! I know now that I prefer it to the plunger.

Kimberly Ketcham 7 months ago

Found this in my shower tonight…mother of two boys.

Jessica 7 months ago

tonight I told my almost three year old: “don’t rub your penis on your grandmother!”

Steph C 7 months ago

The one statement I seem to be stating regularly “No your sisters do NOT want to smell your fingers!” and “that slit in your undies is not a way to play peek a boo!”

My only boy and 2 daughters – the things he does regularly amaze me!

Jessamyn Jones 7 months ago

Almost none of these seem particularly boy-specific.

Michelle Nebbs 7 months ago

#2 and #3 …. All. The. Time.

Rhianna Demson 7 months ago

“DON’T lick your boogers, get your tongue out of your nose!”

Jen Holland Page 7 months ago

.. worst ever. No you can’t blow farts back in your sister!

Linda 7 months ago

Yup. Told boys 1 & 2 to come out of the closet several times. Don’t pee on your brother. Cats are not for licking. Boy #3 likes to squash his poopie butt on his brother’s head and shove toys into the diaper pail. Not much surprises me anymore.

P.S. I’m pretty sure there is a toothbrush on the floor by the toilet right now. I think it’s my husband’s, so…. meh.

Marilyn Denny 7 months ago

Please do not rub my hair between your palms; it tangles. No, you may NOT snap my bra straps. Get your hands out of my lap. You may not walk up and headbutt me. Walking up and squeezing my breasts is not okay, either, even though Daddy does it. No, I just told you not to snap my bra straps. It’s not okay to snap Savanna’s either. No, seriously, LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE OR I SWEAR I WILL CHOP IT ALL OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!

Jeni McFarlane 7 months ago

Yesterday I found myself saying “it’s not ok to ask if you can put your finger in somebody else’s butt crack”…..really! ?

Mary Hilston Keener 7 months ago

“Do not out Cheerios in your nose.”

Brooke DeVoge 7 months ago

“Get your bum off of your sisters face”

Skye Ostheim 7 months ago

“Stop chasing your brother with the rutabaga!” To my three year old terrorizing my seven year old . Mothering boys is AWESOME! Michelle

Carolyn Bott 7 months ago

Yesterday, “Darling, please stop licking your shoe” …smh

Kristin Miers Reiss 7 months ago

Numbers 2-8. Yep.

DustinKristina Gatliff 7 months ago

No! Don’t eat the poo….p….

Leslie Lewis 7 months ago

I was putting ,then 5 yo daughter and 2 yo son, in bath. I said, “QUIT playing with that or it’s going to fall of like your sisters did.” Another 1- To the guy at Home Depot, ” Do you have anything that will take a raw potato out of a flushed toilet, no I can’t see it anymore?” FYI Shop vacs will suck raw potatoes out of the lower pipes of a toliet.

B 7 months ago

Oh thank god! I have a one year old and I have to tell him often not to brush his penis with his toothbrush. I was hoping I wasn’t the only one with this issue.

Allegra Waggener 7 months ago

Please don’t put your penis in the electric socket buddy.

Blair Danielle Empey 7 months ago

“You shouldn’t lick the sidewalk.”

Teresa Bobo 7 months ago

‘Stop licking the cat’ & ‘stop licking the tree’

Heather Dahmen Turner 7 months ago

I truly thought the pee cup was just my boys. Did the same darn cleaning trying to find smell.

Maricela Hernandez Laverde 7 months ago

-Take your head out of the toilet
-don’t lick the dog
-don’t wipe your pee pee with your hand!

Tanya Dalton 7 months ago

After bath time. Your penis is not a gun. Stop pretend shooting me with it please. (Shot at 20 more times with hysterical giggling)

Jennifer Espinosa 7 months ago

Don’t eat crayons. Don’t eat your boogers. Don’t pinch your penis. Get your hands out of your butt. Don’t lick the drawers.

Nicole Feigl 7 months ago

Don’t pee on the outdoor Christmas lights you will electrocute yourself like the dog did last year :/

Chandra Ayres Hall 7 months ago

I had to tell my boys the other day that playing “Kick each other in the privates” was not a game. Also, I have actually said “Do not lick the car” before.

Candace Miller 7 months ago

“Is the weiner theif on the loose?” … “No, put their shirt down! You can’t see if she has a belly button. Sissy, you and your friend can shut the door” … “why is the word boobies so funny?”… “No honking moms boobs”

Samantha T Chouinard 7 months ago

Stop trying to kill your brother. He doesn’t want to play walker. (3 year old trying to be walker texas ranger. 2 year old just wanted to eat his orange)

Sherri Richards Eggett 7 months ago

Pregnant with my first. It’s a boy. I am scared

Buckley 7 months ago

“Don’t poke your brother with your wiener.”

Corey Mackison 7 months ago

A few from my archives: Don’t lick that! No, you can’t write an illustrate “poop” on your homework assignment. Why did you put the plastic gem in your ear? [Answer: it kept falling out of my sock.]

Irene Taschek 7 months ago

To my 14yo: Son, please don’t put quarters in your nose.

Charity Miraflor 7 months ago

“Mom you lost your penis!” Everytime he sees me change.

Christy Jaques 7 months ago

I had to tell my son not to make his own parachute. Good times.

Susanne Farrar 7 months ago

Tell me you didn’t put rocks up your nose.

Erin Logan 7 months ago

“no swords in the butt”

Patty Racer Worsham 7 months ago

Boys are so much more fun!!!!

Michelle Smith 7 months ago

I have 1 boy now im worrying I always have to tell him drink it not hold in mouth

Aubrey 7 months ago

Ugh my 6 1/2 year old constantly has his hand down his pants rearranging things… now I just give him a look lol. His dad is worse! And his little brother is headed down the same path… He’s only 6 months old lol!

Deirdrah DeanQuinting Racine 7 months ago

I was the only girl and the oldest in a house full of boys so I said many of these before my son’s were born. I’ve added to my weird phrase arsenal since. These two boys are even more gross/adrenaline crazed/mischievous than their uncles.

Cajuncody 7 months ago

Don’t lick the cat … Or the dog. I don’t care if they lick themselves or you.
Also, don’t balance the glass of milk between the wall and your shoulder.
And finally, don’t chew gum you found on the floor ESPECIALLY if it has already been chewed.

Jill Gregory Mabe 7 months ago

“We do not wipe boogers on the dog.” Yep.

Julie Craven Sexton 7 months ago

“A grocery bag isn’t a parachute for your younger brother!!”

Brandi Ahrendt 7 months ago

“Don’t wrap your penis around your fork!”

Nicole Holderfield 7 months ago

My comment I have to repeat recently is “Son, we DONT lick the dustpan!!”lol

Kathy 7 months ago

Do not put your brothers candy in your butt crack and then put said candy back in the bag, no matter mad you are. Now, go clean the rug where your brother threw up.

Rachel Maloney Keller 7 months ago

It doesn’t stop when they are teens either. I actually had to say “No, you will not pull out your brother’s pubic hair out while he sleeps.”

Melissa Kaldestad Shook 7 months ago

I have three boys as well. The list of “I never thought I would…” is never ending

Melissa Bennett 7 months ago

I have 2 girls. And with the exception of 2 of these, I’ve said them all. Lol

Michelle Behun 7 months ago

“Do not threaten to touch your brother with used toilet paper. That’s just gross!”-as he’s waving used toilet paper in the direction of his brother. At least they were both in the bathroom.

Kelli Swanson 7 months ago

“You can’t put frogs in your pocket!” Yup, TEN of them….they were endangered!!!!

Nicole DeCollibus Moses 7 months ago

I never thought “please flush the toilet after you go” would be necessary to say…esp to a fourteen year old! Weirdest though was ” give your brother back his RAM (from his laptop), you can’t just steal his memory”.

LIsa 7 months ago

totally get where your Coming from. I grew up with sisters. Then I had two girls before my son came along. It’s an eye opener for sure having boys.

Bobby Stark 7 months ago

How about the “don’t pee on spiders NEXT to the toilet!”

Pamela Nordal 7 months ago

No! You can’t poop on the tree outside! No! It’s not the same as peeing outside! Lol

Liz VanGalder Steimer 7 months ago

Please don’t stick your hand down Mommy’s shirt. Seriously, he does it every time he talks to me!

Jennifer Fisher Banzet 7 months ago

“Hands off your penis, hands out of your butt crack, yes you have to wash your hands after you have had them in your butt crack, no you cannot touch me until after you wash them, no you can’t touch food until you wash your booty funk covered hands. Yes the dog will lick them but the dog licks her own butt, that does not make them clean.” Every. Flippin’. Day.

Danielle Wetenkamp 7 months ago

Oh yes and way way more.

Peggy Sussmann Izzo 7 months ago

My personal favorite was “Put down the machete”. I am not making this up

Sandra Leigh 7 months ago

Oh wow I can’t wait!

Mary Ittak 7 months ago

The eyeball thing–I lost count of how many times I had to remind my son not to touch ANY eyeballs (mine, his, or the cats)!

Ashley Young Roppolo 7 months ago

The other day, I my 4 year old had to pee in an empty orange juice bottle in the back seat of my car. That’s never happened with my daughter before. LOL

Lizandra Torres 7 months ago

where are your pants????

Stephanie Dye 7 months ago

My personal favorite and the most recent is “we do not store things in our underwear!”

Lori McCarthy Ahler 7 months ago

It is not ok to poke your brother in the head with s fork at the dinner table.

Kate White 7 months ago

I caught my 18 month old son trying to measure his penis with his Home Depot tools.

Valerie 7 months ago

To my 10 year old son- please get the deer skeleton out of the basement.

Michelle Williams 7 months ago

This list seems pretty mild. The thing I say most often is “Can we please not say the word poop at the dinner table!!?!?!”

Lei 7 months ago

Do not lick the cat.
Take your penis off the wall.
Why is your pee blue? (uncircumcised+blue marker. Had just learned about retracting)
Stop sniffing you brothers bottom

Hannah Marie 7 months ago

This article and the comments are scaring me! I’ve been a mom to all girls for 10 years, my only son is 3 months old! Is this really in my future?! Lol

Daniella Mendoza 7 months ago

“Hands off your weiner dude” I use it about 10848484 x day

Kemi Williams Latiolais 7 months ago

“stop eating sunflower seeds on the toilet”

Li Ling 7 months ago

To my 2 yo.. Don’t put your hand in you’re older brother’s pee spray!

Tara Mowry 7 months ago

“Don’t sit on the dog when you’re naked…you’ll get a furry butt crack!”

Enid Pyle 7 months ago

I live in the country… My pee stories are as long as your arm…!!

Thera Lucas 7 months ago

I’m glad to see comments that reassure me that my son is not the only penis-obsessed toddler out there.

Rebecca Louise Herbunot 7 months ago

Maybe toilet train your child/ren better instead of letting them pee in cups. I’ve got 3 boys so I know but there’s no need for them to per everywhere.

Michelle Dunn 7 months ago

“The Christmas ornaments are NOT for your penis!”

Ashley Pennington 7 months ago

“We don’t pee off the balcony onto the living room floor!”

Christy Heier-LaMantia 7 months ago

My 2.5 year old son has started sniffing peoples’ butts after they fart-including my 5 year old’s, my husband’s and my 4 week old’s.

Whitney Botkins 7 months ago


Lori Byrd Vitale 7 months ago

Do not sit on your sister’s friend when you are naked!

Paige Cleary Somol 7 months ago

Your brothers cup is not a face mask!

Natasha Leung 7 months ago

don’t put your penis in the dishwasher – me

Cristina Nathan 7 months ago

Oh #9 kills me every time!!!

Taara Datta Donley 7 months ago

“No, Mommy doesn’t have a penis.”

Luci Johnson Craig Grubbs 7 months ago

I have two boys. ‘Don’t sit on your brother’s face without pants on, don’t put that dinosaur in your butt” are some of what I have said. Oh and my youngest peed in the toilet of a Play Mobile Winnebago! Really? Boys are weird.

Kelly 7 months ago

Don’t kick your sister’s butt. Don’t jump over the dog.

Jackie Witcher 7 months ago

“Don’t put your spoon on your penis.”

Sarah Brubaker 7 months ago

Boys sure do love their tallywackers.

Maria P 7 months ago

“Take your penis off the table (coffee table).” Followed by “Stop squishing your penis on the table.” ……doesn’t that hurt??!?!

Elizabeth MissLiz Tyler 7 months ago

Stop telling the dog to smell your farts.

Tonya 7 months ago

Tell Aunt Sarah you’re sorry for anything you may have broken or peed on.

Juli Lutes Garon 7 months ago

No, it’s not okay to pee in the litter box.

Wendy 7 months ago

I have had to say many of these things and more to my 3 daughters. The most common one for all of them has been to tell them to stop licking something or someone.

Hilary Johnson Cook 7 months ago

Don’t pee in a cup and then drink out of it! Actually a lot of mine are about peeing on things…..

gdaymom 7 months ago

“We do not play the ipad naked” after I walked in and found a little penis resting on the screen while he played an app.

Also “nobody wants to play with a Lego that’s been in your butt”

Lisa Morgan 7 months ago

“Don’t smack your sister with your sandwich”

Chrissy Spart-Farfalla 7 months ago

Lol the cup of pee in the bathtub ! Yup!!

Wendy 7 months ago

My niece did that one.

Corrine Galli 7 months ago

I said “we don’t put your penis on the iPad” and my husband has said “don’t pee on your baby brother” BOYS

Stephanie F-s 7 months ago

Today it was “did you HAVE to fart in mommy’s face?”

Carrie 7 months ago

I have 2 boys…12 and 5. They were wrestling a couple weeks ago and my 12 year old said “get your weiner off my neck! “

Sharon Dipasupil Benerofe 7 months ago

“That party hat is for your head not your penis.”

Neysa Bowles 7 months ago


Heidi Storey 7 months ago

I have a son and two daughters, this is applicable all way around….

Beth Renfro Nowak 7 months ago

Love it! Lol

Crystal Kristinek 7 months ago

#’s 1 2 6 and 9 smh

Bethany Bukowinski 7 months ago

“Stop licking his toes. You can only lick your own toes.”

Jennifer Thiele 7 months ago

I said “don’t put cheese in mommy’s ear” today

Susanne Farrar 7 months ago

Don’t stick my house key in the electrical socket.

Taylor Stewart 7 months ago

Leave your wiener alone!

bonnie 7 months ago

I come from a family of all girls except for two boys.

“Don’t put your mouth on that” (at the store )

Latrisha 7 months ago

Do not sniff your brother’s butt! . Geez. I love them, but come on! Lol. On the plus side, none of my kids like boogers. Probably because I am super creeped out about them. My oldest son told me one day that he didn’t know which girl at school that he liked better, girl A or girl B. Because they were both so pretty. I asked him why did he not like girl C, who I know thinks he’s cute. He said no mom. She picks her nose and eats the boogers. I agree, girl c is a no. Lol.

Thom 7 months ago

“don’t stand on your brother’s head, it’ll pop”

“Please don’t kick footballs into the [open, full] dishwasher”

Mike 7 months ago

I have twin 5 year old girls, and they are guilty of at least 7 of these. So it’s not just boys :)

Katie 7 months ago

OMG, I laughed so hard at the tortilla that I had to blow my nose…and then I started laughing again. Funniest thing I’ve read in weeks.

lynzee 7 months ago

Don’t bite the dog, and surprisingly from my only girl, poop is not a toy.

Dina 7 months ago

My favorite comment to any of my kids “get your finger out of the cat’s butt” said to my daughter. They can be just as bad sometimes!

Jen K 7 months ago

I have two boys, ages 8 years, and 3 years.
Over the years I have found myself saying things like:
1) We do not pick the dog’s nose.

2) We do NOT eat the dog’s buggers!

3) We do NOT pee down the vent in the bathroom, under the sink, on the sink’s faucet, on the door hinges, on the door, on the mirror, on the light switch, in the electrical outlet, on the towels, etc.

4) You may NOT take a hammer to Mommy’s car.

5) The chandelier is not a swing. It will, in fact, come crashing down and take the ceiling with it.

There are many, many others. It would take me days to list them all. However, I must rescue the poor dog from getting bounced on by the 3 year old…

Mary k. 8 months ago

1. Don’t chew on your sisters flip flops
2. No, it’s not OK to put a booger back IN your nose
3. Don’t ever “taste” the toilet water again to see if you really will get sick.
4. Stop punching your sister in the face when she tries to hug you
5. Thank you for asking if it was OK to fart on my lap first.
6. Stop yelling “Penis!” (in the middle of Wendy’s)
7. I know you’re cold but first mommy has to scoop your poop out then sanitize the bath tub… then give you a bath AGAIN!
8. I love you more than boogers and farts too.

Prudece 8 months ago


Prudece 8 months ago

All I can say is, “Yeah…..” I learned so much about men by having a son!. Again, “yeah”…. not even mad… just… “yeah”

Meagan Caton 8 months ago

Take all crayons out of your pockets before momma puts your khaki shorts in the washer then the DRYER! OMG I was horrified. However I got all the red crayon out.

BTW My 4 year old son has done almost all of the above and I’ve caught myself saying some of the same stuff. Boys are so fun.

andrea 8 months ago

oh we had this one! I felt so bad for him and his dark purple wanker

andrea 8 months ago

it is not okay to pee off of the trampoline and onto your sisters!

Phyllis Harris 8 months ago

Yesterday…”Get the lasso off of the ceiling fan, put down the potato and bring me a broom!” …seriously, that was one sentence

laura 8 months ago

My 16 year-old son was just caught for the third time with bottles of stored pee in his room. Why can’t I break this?

Missy Erickson 8 months ago

How about the first time they actually slam their privates in the lid of the toilet? As a woman I obviously cannot relate from personal experience but I can certainly empathize!

janina 8 months ago

Lol. Sounds like my household!

janina 8 months ago

I never thought I would have to say “Stop playing with your brother’s penis!”. Bath time and natural curiosity.

Lana D 8 months ago

Regarding #1….oh how I wish my three had that kind of aim!!

Stace P 8 months ago

You can’t wear the same socks for 48 hours straight – after he just had.

tom earp 8 months ago

“Please take daddy’s work shoe out of mummy’s cup of tea”, “please take your finger out of you bum… yes you can see in it… no it’s not a tunnel for your choo choos” gotta love boys

Ann 8 months ago

“Do NOT put that booger BACK in your nose… OR on the car door!”

“STOP chasing your brother with the waffles!”

“No, we don’t eat dinner naked.”

krissy 10 months ago

Man, reading the comments reminded me of more, unfortunately, from my middle son. Don’t put your penis in your sisters face (she was crawling), don’t let the dog lick your penis, don’t touch your brother’s penis, stop drinking your brother’s pee, is that poop or chococlate!?!?!?!, we don’t drink our bathwater, we don’t lick people, stop licking the windows/door/walls/whatever, stop flushing sponges in the toilet (those little capsule toys? son put those in and there was a slow flush until daddy replaced the toilet). he’s replaced the toilet 3 or 4 times in the past two years b/c of the boys putting stuff in them, standing on them, jumping off them, etc. Once my parents had to take the middle one away for a couple days b/c I thought hubby was going to kill him over the sponge incident.

krissy 10 months ago

Mine at cat food for 3 years, I had to use a baby gate to keep him out of the cat food….

krissy 10 months ago

My middle boy ate a packet of flower food, that was our first call to poison control lol

krissy 10 months ago

My oldest sits down to pee at school (and sometimes home) because he hasn’t gotten the hang (he’s 7!) of taking his penis out to pee. He drops his underwear and pants completely to the floor. He realizes the other kids make fun of him for this, but he can’t seem to stop. Drives me crazy. Esp b/c his 3 year old brother has no problem just taking out his penis, peeing, and putting it back. Then again, this is the kid who changes his clothes if he gets a drop of anything on them….. He says that’s why he drops everything to pee, so he doesn’t get pee on his clothes. I wish he’d just go back to wiping his penis with toilet paper sometimes :\

krissy 10 months ago

I literally stopped the car in the middle of the street and had a full blown attack when I saw my middle son peeing in the front yard. I couldn’t even form words I was so horrified. My husband just laughed.

krissy 10 months ago

I never thought I’d have to tell someone to stop eating out of the trash can, and to not eat other people’s food (like strangers half eaten sandwiches left at their tables). He stopped mouthing things for GOOD when he picked up a worm he thought was a stick, and was not expecting it to move *snickers* heheh. As low maintenance as he was as a baby, he turned into a stubborn and pretty gross child. Now my husband asks why I let our daughter do ‘gross’ stuff, and I’m like, I don’t even notice anymore. Is she eating 2 week old food from the garbage can? No? Then I don’t care so much, sorry.

Rebecca 11 months ago

I also have 3 boys. One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t throw your brother!” I walked back into the living room just in time to see my then 6 year old throw his then one and a half year old brother over the coffee table and onto the couch. I was met with protest. “But he likes it!” Sigh. My boys are now 3, 6, and 8. We recently had our first broken bones as my youngest thinks it’s his mission in life to see how high he can climb… and then jump off. He broke four toes on his left foot. They are boys, after all.

jackie adams 11 months ago

I too have no brothers and was blessed with 3 sons. I now have 4 grandsons, and my greatest joy in life is watching my sons deal with theirs!

Laurie 11 months ago

“Don’t throw the cat up into the ceiling fan to see how far it will fly!” (They had already thrown dish towels, tennis balls, and whatever else they could find..) I caught one of them just in time to stop the cat in mid flight!

Danielle A 11 months ago

Oh fuck. I’m so screwed. My boy is 2. I can see it’s all downhill from here.

Robin 11 months ago

“Stop licking the washing machine.” For some reason my two-year-old loves to lick the water droplets off of the washing machine door.

Lily Epperson 11 months ago

To my fiancee’s son, of course, “Quit scratching your wrong spot (penis) in front of people!” To which he replied, “Willy (his nickname for me) I think I’m going to need a new wrong spot, an ant bit me on mine.”

alex 11 months ago

as much as it’s hard to believe, it’s for a good reason. I don’t know if I can speak for every guy, but it’s really easy for things to get in an uncomfortable position / uncomfortably hot down there, so you gotta put your hand and re-arrange. And no, you can’t re-arrange from outside your pants.

Lindsey 11 months ago

I’ve had to tell my little guy not to lick the cat. More than once.

ashlee 11 months ago

My favorite from my 4 year old is “kaden get the pennies out of your underwear!”

Meg 11 months ago

STOP licking your armpit and the dog!

karyin 11 months ago

yup! ive had to tell my son not to bite the dogs eyeball when he was 2.. now almost 5 and i still have days where i cant believe what im saying..

Diana 11 months ago

“No licking armpits!” was heard recently in my house!

Monique 11 months ago

I am using this one on my 7 year old…. and possibly my husband too….. Sigh, they never out grow it

Amber 11 months ago

We do not pee on the baby. (he was 3 the brother was just barely crawling)
why are there spaghetti noodles hanging from the chandelier and the ceiling?
who got spit balls all over the living room wall?
If you are gonna pee outside then at least do it where the neighbors can’t see you!
That car just honked cause they can see your naked butt, I said stop peeing in the front yard!
who pooped in the neighbors driveway? What? Why?

Boys are so funny, they do the weirdest thing, lol. Mine are 14, 11, 8, 6, and 4.

Christine 12 months ago

“How many times do I have to tell you? Stop carrying cheese in your pockets! “

Deborah 12 months ago

Yeah I keep threatening to write a book, I have one of each and some of the stuff I hear myself say is stuff I never expected to hear another human say … ever… ie, don’t bite the cat , get out of the dishwasher, we do not use toothpaste as a cleaner for the mirror… no not that mirror either, please stop using my toothbrush to clean the tv (closely followed by : the toothbrushes are on the medicine cabinet so you stop using them to wash the tv, I’ll give it to you when it’s time to brush your teeth), yes black cats do eat bad dreams (this is useful, remember it…), streaking is an “in the house” activity only!
there are a lot more, these are the ones I remember saying in the past week to my 4 and 6 yr olds… I have to say stuff to them all the time, I’ve had cashiers look at me like I’m insane (young ones, guessing not parents) or with knowing looks in their eyes (you know you found a fellow parent there). So trust me I’m with ya.

April 12 months ago

“Take the Pool Ball out of your underwear” was the last thing I said that I actually followed up with, “another thing to add to the list of things that I never thought I would say.”

Patti Page White 12 months ago

I could have written this one myself…I have three boys, all grown up now. How many times did I ask, “why is there a frog in your pocket?” or “Did you have to run through a barbed wire fence on that thing?” Precious memories.

Colleen 12 months ago

“That’s fine. Snot bubbles gives mommy something to aim for with the tissue.”

Lindsey 12 months ago

Please don’t put your penis in the m&ms.

Diana 12 months ago

Tears are running down my face!! LOL

Kim 12 months ago

I have 5 boys, currently ages 7 through 21, and totally understand all of these. Every single one. :)

Lisa E. 12 months ago

How about things your kids say that you can’t believe? The forst time i met my future brother-in-law’s parents, they were treating my sister, me and my two sons to dinner; my youngest (at the time) stood up in his chair and announced “my penis is above the table, then he

Kerry 12 months ago

No, you cannot keep maggots for pets and I don’t care if you already named them.

Peyton 12 months ago

Actually, eating boogers IS healthy in that it helps build up your immune system, as gross as that is.

Sharon 12 months ago

I will never forget the first week my two boys went to day camp, where they wear swimsuits all day, every day. And they joyfully called it “no underwear week” — and can’t wait for that summertime treat every year!

Shannon 12 months ago

“I’ve told you twice already to shot shooting your brother in the face, give me the laser gun!”

N/A 12 months ago

I’m a nanny, my favorite is “You cannot pee on your naked brother”

Jenn 12 months ago

“Get your finger out of your butt!”
“Do not smell your armpits at the dinner table!”
“Stop trying to pick your brother’s nose with your toes!”

Gotta love boys.

Erin Dolce 12 months ago

We are constantly telling our son “do not pee on your sisters”

Jaclyn Taylor 12 months ago

Please don’t spit on your brother…no That’s not considered giving him a bath.

I have 3 boys also

Linda Wright 12 months ago

Don’t slam the toilet lid! you might not move fast enough! Yep it happened! Told you so!

Aeriel 12 months ago

LOL! My son did this too! I had to ask my husband to intervene. He also showed me that he could make his penis disappear by pulling his scrotum up over it. All I could think was “it might be a good thing if he can’t reproduce due to childhood penile trauma”.

Aeriel 12 months ago

“Do NOT lick your sister’s butt cheek”

Not even kidding! My son (4) Licked, I repeat, LICKED his 1 year old sister’s butt cheek…while I was putting on a fresh diaper after her bath. What the EFF!

Ed 12 months ago

Stop scratching your butt with your toothbrush

Lianne 12 months ago

How funny! I have three boys but never had any of these yet!

Gretchen Walter 12 months ago

my son (3 at the time) used his penis to touch everything!!! the coffee table, the couch, my leg, the cat, the list goes on and on! i thought he would never stop! my daughter did NOT prepare me for a son. lol

Dannah 12 months ago

“Don’t try to pee on your nose, that’s gross.” Had to say that during bath time the other day only to have him reply he was trying to get it in his mouth… I walked away.

Beth @Goodness Gracious Living 12 months ago

OMG these comments are almost as funny as the post! My son wasn’t so “curious” but he threw everything that he came in contact with. I had to glue the train tracks to the train table because he would dismantle it everyday and see how far he could throw all of the pieces. Once they were glued down, he could only throw the train. He’s 14 now and still throws everything; pencils, shoes, and even his phone, which he broke while doing so (finally a consequence that he gets!) Boys are crazy but they are so fun :-)

Rebecca 12 months ago

This type of article is useful, highly amusing and frightening! My 3 month old has yet to partake in such goofiness, but I like to arm myself with knowledge in order to be prepared. One random thing that struck me as strange, however, is that you mentioned your oldest actually bought peanuts for lunch at school…are peanuts actually allowed in schools in the Pacific Northwest? Here in Ontario we’re barely allowed to have peanut butter in our houses let alone send peanut products to school! Gone are the days of PB and J and I miss them.

Emily 12 months ago

Couldn’t believe it when I had to say to 3yo boy “don’t pee in your sister’s face!” And to 1 yo girl “stop laughing it’s not funny for brother to pee in your face!” Lessons I didn’t know if have to teach!

Nola Murphy 12 months ago

Mr 4. – mum, do you know if you hold the end of your penis when you wee, you get a balloon? …..LOOK,

Katie 12 months ago

Oh just wait till they get older. Mine are 19,18,11 and wonders never cease. None of mine like wearing clothes. So at home they strip down to their undies. Ugh. No you can’t hang the poster of the girl in the thong bikini over your little brother (9 yo, at the time) bed. I never thought I’d break up an argument over weather her boobs are real or fake. And lastly you’ve decided to become a police officer in the Navy and you’re going where for a year. So yeah just wait.

Katie 12 months ago

Omg yes!!!! My boys are 19,18, and11 and I still have to say this.

Whitney 12 months ago

I found pee in the dryer last night. :( That’s a new one.

Rebecca Wheaton 12 months ago

Do you think it is going somewhere? No, then take your hand out of your pants.

Please do not wipe snot on the train window.

No you can’t do a bush wee in the shopping centre plant pot, we will find a toilet.

Stop laying on your little brother. When he is crying like that he is no longer enjoying your “cuddles”.

Jill 12 months ago

Mine too! It was too much trouble to come upstairs to the bathroom, or heaven forbid walk out of the garage and go in the backyard!

madden nfl mobile hack 12 months ago

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Amber 1 year ago

Yes… those questions!!! They always lead to MORE questions. I’m like you, I try to find an “out” before things get too complicated!! LOL

Amber 1 year ago

I, too, have 3 boys… ages 6, 5 and 18 months. My five year old was laying in the bathtub with a full-on woody the other night. When I asked him why, he proceeds to pull his foreskin down and announce, “Look mom, it’s a castle!!” And I had to turn my head and snicker because it did kinda look like the the tower where Rapunzel was kept!! LMBO!! Sometimes, NOT laughing is the most difficult part about being a mom!!

Carolyn 1 year ago

Laughed out loud! As the mother of 4 boys, now 24-30, this gave me great pleasure to read. Enjoy your adventure! I still am.

Donata 1 year ago

had to have a conversation with my son (he’s 8) i never thought i would have to have for a long time and wasnt prepared for it. he didnt hold his ‘thingy’ down all the way and a little got on his underwear. i told him it happens, just be careful next time. he asked if it ever happened to me, did i ever forget to hold mine down. ummmmmm lol. tried to explain to him that boys stick out and girls dont have one. he said “you mean you cant pee?” by the time the conversation was over i was stammering and finally described genitalia as belly buttons. boys have outies and girls have innies lmao. he said” ohhh ok”.

Tamra 1 year ago

This is all 100% true!!! Wait until you see what you have to say when they are Tweens and teens……life with 3 boys is fun and challenging on a daily basis! No….you never get to stop saying “don’t eat your boogers.

Janette 1 year ago

So far my worst is to my daughter, “please do not put m & m’s in your vagina.” We were in the middle of pant less potty training.

Helen 1 year ago

It’s what I DIDN’T say. He was running laps on the roof of our house. I never told him he wasn’t allowed to do that.

Janette 1 year ago

Um…I have to repeat this often, to my husband.

Heather 1 year ago

“Quit touching your penis on everything” – to my two year old after his shower as he was taking all of my cosmetic containers and one at a time carefully touching them to his penis.

Adrianne Ward Burney 1 year ago

OMGosh, I am laughing SO HARD, yet hoping my son never does these!

Adrianne Ward Burney 1 year ago

DO NOT play with your cereal! (He uses it to have something to “scoop” into his dump trucks. I have seen him waste a few boxes of Kix using this method of play!)
DO NOT eat out of the back of your toy dump trucks; use a bowl & spoon!

Gen 1 year ago

“don’t eat spaghetti out of your brother’s hair”.

Gloria 1 year ago

I have 3 boys and 2 girls… I’ve had to say lots of things including: don’t lick the windshield. Don’t eat the icicle (that formed in the gutter). Don’t throw holy water in your sister (they said she was a crying demon)..if the dog gets to the pizza its his– Do NOT take it out of the dogs mouth and eat it.

Kristin 1 year ago

Yep, I’ve got three boys too. Barely over 3 years apart. I used to bathe them together and I’ve actually said, “Stop playing with your brothers penis!”

amanda ornat 1 year ago

Don’t wipe your nose on the wall. It’s not ok to pee on your brother to wake him up. Don’t pee in the trash can. Don’t pee in the hamper… seriously, why the aversion to the toilet? Four boys here.

Sarah Sundberg 1 year ago

The comments on this article are hilarious! My boys are tame in comparison.

trisha kilpatrick 1 year ago

Too germophobic! Yikes! Holy typo, Batman!

trisha kilpatrick 1 year ago

Don’t eat candy off the ground at the zoo… especially after someone stepped on it. I didn’t get to him in time. He ate it. He also ate a mystery item that he found beneath the stage at church in the youth room. He has eaten gum from beneath tables. He even drank an opened soda that someone left on the sidewalk. At the time, I felt like the worse mother who ever lived. How dare I get distracted by my other children when this one clearly needs 24-7 hawk-like supervision. Yet, today he is the healthiest kid on the planet. He is immune to everything! I now wonder if I screwed up my other children by being to germophobic. They catch everything that comes around.

Becca 1 year ago

“Don’t pee on your brother.” After giving his big brother a golden wake up call.

agshare 1 year ago

mine must have been perfect,the only thing I had to tell them was put the seat down.
maybe my expectations of acceptable behavior were higher.

Rachel 1 year ago

I don’t have kids yet but I teach 8 yr olds during Sunday School. Last Sunday I had to tell one of the boys to stop touching other people’s babies. So weird.

Jennifer Lawrence 1 year ago

Do not put anymore popcorn kernels in your brothers ear! This was filled by a visit to the ER to get said kernel out of ear! The kernel now resides in a test tube as a keepsake

Jamie 1 year ago

(Age 8) Just because we have trees in the backyard now, this does not mean we live in the woods and no you can’t pee outside. (From 4 ad up) Just because you can do something, does not mean you should do it. (About age 3 or 4) We don’t feed the dog crayons, ever! (Age 7) We don’t light paper rockets in our rooms. (Age 4) We don’t bite the end off the thermometer. (Age 4) We don’t swallow thumb tacks. Honestly there are too many to count, but he is 19 now and still alive by the grace of Heavenly Father and some angels that fly at lightening speed.

Tammie Nelson 1 year ago

We do not put Silly Putty in our pants pockets.

Christina Harris 1 year ago

You don’t let other people touch your penis, and you Don’t touch other people WITH your penis. Put your penis inside your underwear/pants. Don’t pull your penis like that…don’t touch the toilet seat with your penis. STOP with the penis!!!

Rebecca Tarlazzi 1 year ago

I will add #11 – Don’t sail your toy boats in the cat litter box.

Lori Stallings Patterson 1 year ago

Except #1, I have said all these and I have 2 girls! I have also had to say “don’t bite the dog”. Oh the joys of motherhood!

Jill Christensen 1 year ago

” get your hand out of your pants. Its not going to fall off, so you can stop hanging on to it. “

Jen 1 year ago

“We don’t put things on our penis.”

He was in the bath with the foam letter “O” on his penis and was attempting to add the letter “G”

Erin McDonough Wedemeyer 1 year ago

So funny

Nichole Boyovich 1 year ago

Thank goodness I’m not alone! :)

Heidi Shore Schultz 1 year ago

Do not put your finger in your butt. No, you can’t touch daddy’s penis. At least he asked first!

Laurie Landes 1 year ago

The one I will never forget: Stop licking the jewelry case. I am sure the Kmart employees loved that.

Uris Bslick 1 year ago

hahahaha ♥ it

Matt Popken 1 year ago

“It’s not a handle you can let go of it some times.”
You can’t sit on that naked!

Chasity Jett-Acosta 1 year ago

#1 Mostly because he used the side bucket on his tool bench as a urinal. I looked for the pee smell in his room for weeks and finally found that bucket was nearly half full of very concentrated from evaporation pee. Gotta love raising boys.

Bren 1 year ago

After a call from my then 4 year old’s teacher I had to tell him that he wasn’t allowed to fix little girl’s panties for them even if they were crooked (his excuse) and another time I had to discuss the fact that eating dirt, water, and a seed would not grow a flower in his stomach.

Nicole Slaughter 1 year ago

this is so gross… i’m soooo glad i have a girl :)

Denise Robinson 1 year ago

I told my son ” don’t put a tampon in your diaper!!!!!!”

Kari Dean McCarthy 1 year ago

Girls, too! Unfortunately 😉

Felicia N. Leivas 1 year ago

Girls can be just as gross… I work in a one of our school districts in Az and I am always saying things I thought I’d never say… I work in early childhood development and one of the, “omg did I just say that” moments have been… Please stop licking the bathroom walls…it’s gross and has lots of germs!!! Two seconds later the ground is not appropriate as well, please keep your tounge in your mouth…. A little while later with the same girl i had to say… Please stop licking your fingers and sticking them on your belly button. It was quite the day with that little one everyday!

Jennifer Gorman 1 year ago

Do not use your sister/my curtains/the couch as a tissue!!!! Fun fact: when you dial 911 WITH YOUR TOES!!!!!(yes, my son did this) the police still come and lecture Mommy. Fun fact #2 Peanut butter is not actually what Uncle Freddy uses as hair gel to make his hair stand up that way. If you get lost while we are at the carnival and have to find a police officer, your full name is not actually Joseph Patrick Gorman Go Stand In The Corner!!!! And when Mommy is counting under her breath for patience not to actually strangle you, it is not a good time to “help you count, Mommy!!” and show her what Sesame Street has been teaching you. And please do not change the entire operating system language of our new desktop computer to German. Then there are the things only mothers of boys hear, like while he was in the bathtub at three, “Mommy!!!!! Look!!! Look at this PENIS!!!!!!! It’s BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” How does a mother respond to that exactly that won’t require years of counseling for both of us??? ……. Looking at what I just wrote I can’t believe he and I both survived until now, he is now 17. But do any men mature emotionally, really, past the age of what 6? 12? Sexist I know, but living with my two men plus knowing my father and brother I’m just wondering.

Kristine 1 year ago

I seriously had to tell my 14 year old daughter the other day to “please get the cat’s tail out of your mouth” lol

jennlw 1 year ago

“We do not eat old gummy worms off the floor!” Possibly screamed loud enough for the entire Kmart to hear when my son found an old dusty crusty dirty gummy worm under the shelf in the shoe department, and appeared to be bringing it toward his mouth. He later said he wasn’t REALLY going to eat it, but you just never know, especially with boys!

jennlw 1 year ago

Glad to see we are not the only ones who use the term “balls” and “nuts” with the kids! My kids say it so casually but I swear when I was a kid it was considered vulgar talk.

Raymond Uribe 1 year ago

We have 1 year old b/g twins. A month or two ago during bath time, had to tell them, get your butt out of your sister’s face, and stop trying to bite your brother’s butt!

Leslie Jennison Nixon 1 year ago

“Stop standing on brother’s head”. Yep, I’ve said that…

Shannon 1 year ago

My son has peed in the cat litter box!

Abbie McHenry Hilbert 1 year ago

Mom of three boys here. I’ve recently had to yell, “If I hear any of you say poop, fart, butthole, or tenders (their made up word for their privates) again, I’m taking money out of your allowance!!” And also, “put your penis back in your pants!” They just laugh and laugh…

Rachael Tate 1 year ago

Mine were all breasted so?..
No, you can’t rub my boobies
Stop running your cars over my boobs
You can’t eat dinner until you put on your pants
Stop licking the shopping cart
And to the neighbor who sent her poor husband to complain…
It’s perfectly normal for boys to pee outside, remember?

Barbara Malone 1 year ago

16 and 25 now, my boys, should I really scare people and admit that it doesn’t get much better? Possibly not, why shatter peoples illusions ☺

Meaghan 1 year ago

Oh my I love these…. My favorite so far is… No you may not bury your sister to see if she grows into a watermelon, I don’t care what Danny (his cousin of the same age) said would happen.

Granted she was all for it and was helping them dig the hole……

Carrie Pundzak 1 year ago

Two of my rules this summer were “Do not set those paper airplanes on fire” and “Shovels are not weapons”
These were preemptive warnings causing my oldest to ask how I always seem to know what they’re thinking.

Autumn 1 year ago

I had to tell my boys just the other day to “Get your penis off the table!”. Also, I’m potty training my youngest so he spends most of the time at home without bottoms on. He pooped in the bed of his dump truck. Kinda brings on a whole new meaning to the term “dump truck”

Jessica Mazuryk 1 year ago

#3 for sure Hilary Paetsch. I’m sure as he gets older the list will get longer haha

Matthew King 1 year ago

One of the funniest things I’ve ever read coming from a house of mostly boys

Danielle Ann 1 year ago

That’s how you know your a great aunt lol! You got to experience all the craziness with me and you can share the insane stories as they get older

Joyce Marie Carroll 1 year ago

How about grocery bags cannot be parachutes when you hold them over your head and jump off the porch

Melissa Vanclief 1 year ago
Cindy King Colucy 1 year ago

I have three boys 13, 11 and 9 and I recently said in the car “Can we please stop talking about balls and penises?” It is a constant topic of conversation.

Julie S. 1 year ago

“Please don’t lick Target’s bathroom wall ever again!” He then screamed that I was a bad mommy as we’re heading out of Target.

Hollie 1 year ago

I cannot help but laugh hysterically because I have 3 boys (6, 4, & 2) I know all the pain and joys that follow.

Shannon Gavrilescu 1 year ago

Laughing till crying…
This is hilarious and awesome. I have two boys so far, and my three year old (the oldest) is starting to realize what is down there. I’ve already said more than I feel necessary to stop pulling on it! Love my boys though!!!

Sara 1 year ago

“I don’t think your penis is the appropriate place to hang that keychain.”

Laura Christopher Malartsik 1 year ago

I have 4 kids, 2 are boys ages 10 & 7 and I’ve never had to say anything like this. Just the usual, stop grabbing yourself in public. These comments crack me up!

Risa Bledsoe 1 year ago

Yesterday I said don’t put rice in your belly button.

John O’Neil 1 year ago

Stop daring your brother to do……….!!!

Jennifer DiCarlo 1 year ago

I had to tell my son when he was five “We don’t lick the door of bathroom stalls!” Who is ever in a public restroom and thinks “I wonder what this metal door tastes like?” My kid, that’s who.

Amanda Brady 1 year ago

How bout “dont hit yourself in the balls”?

Rita Templeton 1 year ago

One of my four boys (still unsure which, as the culprit won’t admit to anything) once peed in a watergun and left it in the toy closet. It was there for a while, apparently, because by the time I tracked down the source of the HORRIBLE smell, it was beyond rancid. ICK.

Zee 1 year ago

Me: Would you *please* stop playing with your penis. One of these days it will drop off!

Him: I’ll just go to the willy shop and get a new one.

Apparently, there are shops for everything these days, lol. 😉

sara 1 year ago

“Take that spoon put of your ear and eat your dinner” my 8 year old back when he was 3
“Take your brother’s Skylander off your penis so I can put on your diaper” my 22 month old.

Sarah Cousens 1 year ago

Girls are just as bad. The other day I said the words “we don’t put pennies in our front bottom!”

Lida Lindquist 1 year ago

Lololol. The comments are hilarious! Making my early morning coffee extra delicious!

Barbara Robinson Wells 1 year ago

I would rather tell them that than to have to have the conversation we black mothers have when our boys are approached by cops believe me these are real conversations we have Always say yes sir no sir don’t make any sudden moves don’t go in your pockets the list goes on

Rain 1 year ago

Actually, picking their nose and eating it is good for kids’ immunity. Being the fun (and highly inappropriate) Auntie, I have already shared this scientific fact with most of my nieces and nephews.

(No, really. Google it.)

Tina Schnadt 1 year ago

Right now our daily issues are “STOP LICKING _____!” (put in anything, you can imagine, like “me”, “the couch”, “your sister”, “the carpet” or anything else in his reach) and “stop biting!”, usually with the response “I’m a baby-dog!” in his cutest voice and followed by a sweet little bark…

Kerry Michalski 1 year ago

My 4 year old son sticks his head up mannequins skirts in shops, just checking 2 see if the mannequin has a mini

Tina Schnadt 1 year ago

OMG! My daughter is a boy! 😉 Okay, she doesn’t pee in cups or toys, but she totally would, if she could…

Say NO to Corporal Discipline on kids in Australia 1 year ago

Only have girls :) Boogers yep lol

Karen Lesley Cogher 1 year ago

So reminds me of my Grandson!!! Though I have to disagree about it being just a girl thing(some of it):)

Amanda Etcheto 1 year ago

today the words ” we don’t use our toy ladle to cup our testicles” came out of my mouth. I think my husband was more shocked by it than I was. he gave me that WTH look lol

Tasha 1 year ago

My son is now 7 months old and I can see my future with this post.

amanda 1 year ago

“we don’t use our toy ladle to cup our testicles” actually came out of my mouth today. hes 3. lmao

Carlie J Fox 1 year ago

I would like to add to that ‘Take your willy out of there now’ :-/

Stephanie 1 year ago

“Stop pulling on you penis, it’s attached, and you will miss it when you get older!”

Cheryl Ann 1 year ago

I swear, every 5 mins he is talking about poop! My son is 4!

MacKenzie Torres 1 year ago

Don’t draw with your poop. Yeah, kids are precious angels.

Lala 1 year ago

Growing up in Portland with our house having a forest as our back yard…yes very Cullen-esque lol I was always forgetting and putting blackberries in my pockets…even my back pockets and sitting down…in sometimes white shorts lol! So its not a boy thing just a NW kid thing I guess….yum yum.

Heather Kratzer 1 year ago

When the older two of my three boys were in pre-school and kindergarten I had to tell them they could not use Christmas lights to climb out of their bedroom window on the second story.

Ivan Figueroa-Ruiz 1 year ago

Emberlin brace yourself

Kelley Reese 1 year ago

Do not argue over worms. There are plenty of worms for everybody.

Caitlin Reuterskiold 1 year ago

Um all of those that don’t require certain anatomy (or siblings, but that might be quibbling since there are other people she encounters day to day) to accomplish are things that I have either told my daughter, or will in all likelihood have to tell her at some point. Add to the list, “That’s not bacon that’s cat hair, get it out of your mouth!” “There is no reason to put your hands in your poop!” and finally, “Why are you actively shoveling dirt into your shoes?”
If you have only boys and are longing for a girl, I gotta tell ya that other than the lack of external equipment (which granted, greatly decreases the amount of time cleaning up urine), girls aren’t that much different! lol

katharine copeland 1 year ago

I think my “don’t eat the wood chips” and “don’t lick ur sister’s face,ever” make the cut lol

Veronica Rutgers-Corso 1 year ago

Mine are 15 and almost 20– I’m killing myself laughing!

I remember about 13 years ago telling No. 1 Son to put on sunglasses because No. 2 Son was in meltdown on the back seat of my car —-“He’s looking at me!!!”

mommagem 1 year ago

Do not poop on your sister.
You taste like you need to wash your face.
Boys are so much fun…
I Love my son but his sister’s are so less wild!!!

Maricela Hernandez Laverde 1 year ago

“Don’t eat your principal”. Our 3 year old grabbed principals shirt with his teeth. He likes doing that or making growling noises at people. Sometimes he just licks things and people. “Don’t lick the dog”, “don’t lick the playground”….

Nance 1 year ago

“Do not pet the cat with your penis”

Nannette Nielsen 1 year ago

“Quit playing with yourself and get off the toilet!” Or “Quit farting in the bathtub! It makes you poo!” This kid is an adventure after having 3 girls.

Mary Driscoll-Bastian 1 year ago

How about keep your hands out of your pants

Mette Bang Jørgensen 1 year ago

Oh … Not just for boys

Monica Smith Pennington 1 year ago

My three year old would leave dog food for his brother to eat in his high chair or exersaucer. I would ask him how his brother got the dog food and his response was “did he eat it?”. My one year old loved to eat the dog food! Argh

Donna Hannan 1 year ago

Same with mine. 10 year old yogi!

Mark Tisdahl 1 year ago

Until I ran a marathon I thought the banana peel slipping was a myth. Try running on 1000 of them near a water stop. Oops

brandi 1 year ago

OMG!!! That is hysterical!!! Mine is only 3 and hasn’t started paying attention to that specific appendage yet. I can hardly wait for the fun to start.

Monica Smith Pennington 1 year ago


Marie Sharp Brown 1 year ago

“Why did you just lick carpet cleaner off the floor? I was trying to clean up dog pee!” That was our first call to poison control.

Monica Smith Pennington 1 year ago

I can relate

Sheila Stiles 1 year ago

Don’t bite your toe nails!! Too gross.

Sheila Stiles 1 year ago

Don’t stick M&M’s up your nose! He did!

Abigail Mitchell 1 year ago

One time I heard from the bathroom while hubby was giving baby boy a diaper change “no, My phone does not go on your penis”

Gina Hamilton 1 year ago

My daughter literally just told my two year old grandson not to lick the cat….lol

Ricki Lee Bristow 1 year ago

my new fav- “Do not use your penis as a stylist on my iphone!”

paul 1 year ago

on this subject, 3 boys, 2 girls, seen most erthang !!! just wanted to give y’all a shout out for such a cool site !!! thnx, n like was posted people, don’t be judgmental dicks.

Julie Linger 1 year ago

Don’t drink the bath water. Your butt is in that water. It’s butt water.
Don’t kiss your sister’s butt (when bathing toddlers together).

Melissa Hall 1 year ago

Lol so true

Sammomom 1 year ago

I have had to say that one!

Kayla 1 year ago

Hahaha, my four year old does this to his 18mo old brother all the time! “But mama, I’m just giving him loves!”

Amanda 1 year ago

“Get that waffle out of your penis!” and “Stop licking toilet seats…its gross!”

Misty Vickroy Parker 1 year ago

3 boys here as well! 2, 6, and 9 I’ve said…among many others.

Christina Baltazar Unga 1 year ago

I said several of these today

Fräulein Frühauf 1 year ago

I have 2 girls and am pregnant with my first boy, I’m almost scared to click this and see what’s in store for me lol

Danielle Anderson 1 year ago


Danielle Anderson 1 year ago

I love this one. This is definitely something my boys would do. :)

Amanda 1 year ago

“Get out of the dishwasher”
“Stop trying to catch wasps”
“Why are you naked?”
“Is that crayon or Sharpie on my wall?” (The correct answer was Sharpie)

April Sumner 1 year ago

when you have a little boy you spend a great deal of time telling them to leave their wee wees alone, discussing farting and burping and poo and pee, boogers, snot etc.

Heather 1 year ago

I have two little boys who love to pee in the front yard. We live out in the country but on the highway. so I am always telling them to either go inside or to the backyard to a tree not in the front yard. lol

Allison Akbay 1 year ago

I believe I’ve said (almost) all of these

Kellie Gillette Whitley 1 year ago

Dang. These are mild. Today alone I had to pull a child off a chandelier (twice), call poison control, and remind them that muffled screams mean that their brothers can’t breathe. Seriously, it will be a miracle if they survive each other.

Danielle Anderson 1 year ago

Okay – yeah. This one totally trumps any of mine above. Totally awesome. Thanks for sharing.

Heidi Overton 1 year ago

No We can’t pee at the same time… In the same toilet.

Please do not lick the dog. (As his face is already turning to me with mouth open and that look you get when you have dog hair in your mouth… From a shedding Corgi.)

Missy 1 year ago

My niece actually does that LOL. She will run out, drop her towel, shake her ass at us, and run off giggling.

Autumn Clark 1 year ago

I told my younger son to “Get your penis off the table!” Just the other day.

Angela Morris Hairston 1 year ago

Omg..I’m reading this and laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face

Kristi Lee Pace 1 year ago

I said “we do not poop outside in our yard. If we are home go poop in the toilet.” And “you cannot eat dog food, no matter how it smells!” “You cannot pee in the toilet while your sister is on it!!”

Medrith 1 year ago

“Quit trying to fart on each other.” (I have two boys almost 10 years apart.)

After over hearing my kiddo and his friend talking, “no, girls do not pee out of their butts.”

“We do not have our hands on our penis when we are —-fill in the blank. It is not going to disappear in the 20 minutes we are —–fill in the blank.”

Linda Stacy 1 year ago

OMG!!! crazy. Thanks for the heads up Marie

Megan Johnson 1 year ago

I’m potty-training my youngest and he likes to stick out his butt when he has to go and tell his brothers in his cutest 2 year old voice “I’m going to poop on you” so then it’s ‘no you can’t poop on your brothers, I don’t care what they did, we go in the potty’ all while he gives them that ‘just wait til she isn’t here’ look lol

Jennifer Jungers Kuljak 1 year ago

I had to tell my son not to lick the cat.

Leslie McGee 1 year ago

Haha. It’s great hearing other mom’s comments. My boys sound normal now. They fit right in!

Ayla Ervin 1 year ago

I have a girl. I never thought I would have to tell someone to get their fingers out of my belly button.

Missy 1 year ago

hahahaha, when I was about 1-2, I decided to put a popcorn kernel in my ear. We lived in a very wooded area and when I started exhibiting signs that my ear was bothering me, my mom looked into my ear and saw what she thought was the butt end of a tick. She rushed me to the ER to have the “tick” removed only to find out it was a popcorn kernel. She was not thrilled.

Nicole Rusnak 1 year ago

I’ve had to say some of these to my daughter lol

Kristi Lee Pace 1 year ago

I have been in the hospital all say with some heart concerns. I have to stop reading the comments on here because I am laughing so hard it probably is getting dangerous for my heart. I am glad I am not alone. My son is 5 and I never dreamed I would hear the words “butt crack” so often. What is the obsession with butts, poop, pee, and penises???

Victoria Mahdy-Bayon 1 year ago

3 and 10 right now… Plus- dont lick everything including the FLOOR!

Alexandra Sliwinski Kavana 1 year ago

HAHAHAHAHAHA My little man is only 7 months old. I can only imagine what is to come

Megan Johnson 1 year ago

My daily one to my newly turned 5 year old is “we do not stick out or shake our wee-wees in peoples faces” cause he likes to wait till his older and younger brother sit down and then he does it, every day, and if he’s not doing that his hands are in his pants. He’s still clothed when he does this but I just can’t figure out why he does it, my oldest just always put his hands in his pants ALL THE TIME, lord only knows what my 2yr old will do lol. I’m just glad I’m not the only one

Stormy Miller 1 year ago

Be careful. ..mommy doesn’t feel like a trip to the emergency room today. Of course if I HAD TO i would, but still weird to say. Every. Single. Day. … my two are constantly pushing the boundaries of gravity, throwing things at each other, sticking things in strange places, creating concoctions of who knows what and daring one another to eat it. .. (actually that usually involves big sis). Every day is s new adventure with boys and the things they do and us mommas say! You nailed this one:)

Manon St.Onge 1 year ago

Love the pee related and penis ones… my 5 yr old has been peeing in the weirdest places! So much trouble but he tries anyway’ No peeing in your sisters room’, don’t pee in the sink’ ‘not on ur bedroom floor!’ Stop playing with it! Hands off were eating lol hope he is done with this stuff soon!

Dawn Jones 1 year ago

The one I currently have to use “your belly button is NOT hungry so quit putting Cheetos in it!”

Shaunna Tidwell 1 year ago

Those seem pretty good and normal compared to the things I have had to say lol I’ve got some pretty rough n wild ones

Elisa Martin 1 year ago

You can not ride your brother like a horse!

Hey we do not eat poo!!!

Katherine Cook 1 year ago

3,5,6,8.. “Don’t sit in the fridge, especially don’t sit in it naked!”, ” While potty training “you poop in the toilet not on the living room rug!”, ” don’t fart on or burp in your brothers face!”.. So many more.. Katherine Greco Glynn you have a lot to look forward to with Zak!

Joeyandkatie Graham 1 year ago


Sara Byk 1 year ago

My son got a CD stuck on his penis.

Amanda Brown 1 year ago

Lol. My future!

Liana Goldsmith 1 year ago

I laughed so hard, I cried! Then, I read the comments….thank you for this post!!

Tammy Zimmer Halligan 1 year ago

#7 – I had to tell my 7 year old son to not put boogers in his sister’s ear. Jacked up version of a “wet willie.”

Holly Elizabeth Green 1 year ago

omg my son was under two when we had our second boy, and was very interested in brothers “peeknee”, and now the baby, who is 10 months, is real interested in his big brothers!

Holly Elizabeth Green 1 year ago

I still remember my husband all of a sudden yelling, “Bennett, get your balls off of my headphones!!” My 2 year old had decided to sit naked on my husbands headphones

Amanda J. Howard 1 year ago

Marissa, I was putting away groceries and the watermelon was on the floor. I turn around to find her bare-backing the produce

Marissa Peterson 1 year ago


Malia Jones 1 year ago

Don’t chase the cat with a fork.

Crystal Pariseau 1 year ago

“Please stop using the flap in your underwear as a pocket.”

“Take your shoelace out of your nose!”

“I cannot hear your words unless you’re wearing underwear.”

“Only one of you is allowed to pee at a time.”

“You may NOT pee while your brother is sitting on the toilet, no matter how much space he makes for you…”

Marissa Peterson 1 year ago

Got a mental picture of the first one and I’m DYING!

Krista Grandstaff 1 year ago

Def #1…I had a boy that was potty trained in a matter of days…until I found out that he was peeing in anything that remotely looked like a container… I ended up throwing out a toybox because of the standing puddles in it…ewww

Elizabeth Stice Burkwist 1 year ago

I’ve said “do not ever lick anything off the bottom of your shoe. Even melted chocolate.”

Alana Adams 1 year ago

During bath time, my 4 yr old says to my 3 yr old “hold still so I can pee on you”. Without flinching, “you cannot pee on your brother!”

Beth McManus 1 year ago

Put your guns in the gun bucket! Seriously. Never. Ever. Thought I would say. Forget about even having a gun bucket!! Good grief. These little men in my life.

Marissa Peterson 1 year ago


Marissa Peterson 1 year ago


Marissa Peterson 1 year ago

Crying laughing!

Marissa Peterson 1 year ago

I actually LOL’ed. Mom thinks I’m insane guffawing at the computer.

Marissa Peterson 1 year ago


Patsy 1 year ago

My kids are adults now…..when my son was 3 and his sister was 2….she was fascinated with the fact her brother could pee standing up……and insisted (for many months) that that was the way SHE was going to pee as well…….and a neighbor overheard a chatter of my daughter hollering from the bathroom “Momma!!! Danny’s pecker is hard!!!” and me hollering back…..”leave your brothers pecker alone”……The neighbor still laughs about having heard this through open windows….!8yrs later……oh yes!! Parenting is definitely an eye opener…… :)

Mary Panstingel 1 year ago

One of my boys peed on his own head trying to see how high he could arc it. I couldn’t even think of anything to say at the time.

Tina Ristaino Schwab 1 year ago

It’s amazing the things you have to say with boys. Besides the usual “please don’t grab your penis in public, I promise it won’t fall off or run away”; I have to constantly remind my boys it’s not okay to fart in crowded places. People are gagging around us and the offender stands proud and announces “that was a good one!” And my boys are 10 and 12. Sorry to those who thought there was a chance they would improve with age.

Stacy Spencer Dean 1 year ago

Don’t poop on the trampoline.

Angelo N Aimee 1 year ago

3 boys and all my comments are penis and fart related. The most popular one “Don’t fart at the table when we’re eating”. That one gets yelled daily.

Ashley Nichole Waller 1 year ago

I have a 3 yr old son and I have said “don’t poop on your bedroom floor” “don’t pee on the floor we have a potty” ” don’t play with your butthole” “don’t put your penis on your sisters head” ughhh

Valerie Ann 1 year ago

Unless you unroll the whole roll to play with – then don’t try to flush it lol :)

Anne Rudberg LeRoy 1 year ago

“We don’t play with our penis at the dinner table.”

Cindy Miller 1 year ago

Lmao funny, I have two boys, three if you count their dad lol

Christina Elston Gallagher 1 year ago

Lol I have a one year old that REALLY likes the dog dishes too..must be the age

Mary Panstingel 1 year ago

As the mother of 4 boys under the age of 8, I totally get this!

Valerie Ann 1 year ago

My one year old is obsessed with the dogs food dish – I imagine this is in my future lol

Brooke Cullen 1 year ago

While using a public restroom “when my penis falls off, will I be a mommy like you?”

nicole 1 year ago

My son thinks it hilarious to “flash” me pre- and post-bath wearing nothing but a robe, and giggles when he shows me all his glory. Then he proceeds to impersonate a dancing Elvis. I can’t help but look away and laugh!!!!!!! BOYS!!!!

Bianca Wojcik Johnson 1 year ago

“Buddy, please stop squeezing your balls like that.”

Sherry Dean 1 year ago

I have three boys and I’ve never had to say any of these. :-)

Shannon Willett 1 year ago

Lol, #7

Alison Cavanaugh 1 year ago

Hahahaha!! Gotta love little boys!

Valerie Ann 1 year ago

Did he get in trouble lol! I would have just laughed!!

Erica Reid Zwahr 1 year ago

I have 3 boys, enough said!!! Of course my sweet little girl is just as bad if not worse, but she does have the 3 older brothers influence!!! Lol

Karina Jones 1 year ago

Omg the comments are way funnier the article, with 3 boys and another on the way , I’m so happy to know my boys aren’t the only weird little creatures out there. The penis comments are def the funniest. Get ur penis off ur brother , stop pulling on it so hard , you’ll hurt yourself, don’t pee on your brothers leg in the shower, oh yes and the naked wrestling always kinda creeps me out, lol …

Lacy Kay Zachary 1 year ago

I’ve said 1, 2, and 3…. To my daughter.

Otis Fine 1 year ago

I have said number six, but it was one of the girls’ toothbrushes and the person who might have peed on it was me.

Sarah 1 year ago

My all time favorite:

(Watching my 5 year old son rooting around in his pants)

Me: “Stop touching your wiener.”

Him: “I’m no…. (then with amazement) how did you know???”

Jill Alyse Davis 1 year ago

We have a rule at our house. “No big penis at the dining table”. My boys are 2 and 3. Omg.

Christina Clift Mikhail 1 year ago

Oh, my word. I am actually scared now. I have three boys under 5 and I’ve said some off-the-wall stuff. But some of these comments make me want to go hide in a corner.

Nicole Barton 1 year ago

Your penis will not fall off if you let it go once in awhile. I promise it won’t run away… Never thought I would talk about penises so much!!!

deanne 1 year ago

Take your toys out of your pants!

Shawn 1 year ago

Honey, bless your heart. It has just began. I gave birth to 3 boys, the first two were only 16 months apart, the third came 6 years later. I also have 4 foster sons that for all intents and purposes have been mine since they were around 12-14 and I am not giving them back, they’re mine period. That said, when puberty starts RUN! FAST!…Don’t come back until it’s over.. They once again return to sweet, loving young men around 19 or 20… This is probably my fault since we started taking in children around 12 years of age or so, so basically I loaded 4 testosterone filled pre-teens in my home at once. (I’ve never claimed to be brilliant).
Now for the peeing issues..lol You’re lucky so far, see mine took to peeing on each other, apparently that that shit is funny. They also went through a period of the oldest spitting on the next in line. Breaking them of these things was a long hard road that finally ended with my threatening to tie those things in a knot and (I know it’s terrible) me hocking a spit ball on the ground and asking my oldest if he would like me to spit on him every time he spit on his brother. He decided that wouldn’t be nearly as funny.
As for booger issues, my middle son did the same thing and finally after like the 9 thousandth lecture from me and my sister, he looked us in the eyes and said, “they’re my boogies and I’ll eat them if I want to”. He was 3… He’s also the one who when he was three told me “I don’t want you for a parent anymore” then went to the living room to tell his dad to get a new mom. This was my punishment for making him eat a green bean, didn’t matter that he loved it, just mattered that I made him try it. SMH..
Now as for the third one, my precious baby, last in the line, sweet, little premie. Yeah…. that one is now 16 and I am missing his brothers when they were that age, all 6 of them. I now know why he was last. If he had been first I would have stopped.. By the time he could walk my poor laid back hubby and I were running down. He figured out climbing before walking, worked out how to unlock the door and let out the dog before he was 16 months old, even after we tried moving all the locks up to where I could barely reach, he just went and got the broom and used it to lift the lock. It seems as if all the testosterone the others left behind somehow seeped into my precious baby, making him bigger by at least 5 inches in height and 25 pounds in weight than any of his brothers and drawing most of the female population in our area within a 3 year age gap.
These are just a few stories, there are millions. I leave you with this: Keep your chin up, laugh as much as possible, rest as much and often as you can (you’re going to need it), and remember they are a gift like no other.

Nicole Barton 1 year ago

Stop touching your penis on the couch, at the dinner table, in the car (insert place here). Just let it go!

Amanda Barnett 1 year ago

I think she forgot “Stop trying to put your penis in that.” It’s one I have to use quite frequently, and probably will well into their adulthood.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Sorry I meant my son -he probably got it from my husband lol

Stephanie 1 year ago

My husband has a strong connection to his poop and feels it necessary to name them before he flushes the toilet….

April Paras Larsen 1 year ago

Great stuff but don’t kid yourself – I have had to say similar things to my daughter.

Amanda Hammon 1 year ago

“Stop licking the dog” and “No, your weiner is not stuck between the crib rails, it isn’t big enough

Kathy Mann 1 year ago

I raised 5 boys and wouldn’t have traded any for a girl!!!!!

Amanda Hammon 1 year ago

“Stop licking the dog” and “No, your weiner is not stuck between the crib bars”

Scarlett Kintop 1 year ago

Don’t lick the toilet seat, who spit apples behind the couch, don’t play with the dogs penis, those are not logs-that is cat poop-and quit arguing why you now need to wash your hands, why did you spay paint the house?

Monica Marie 1 year ago

Nooo! Stop! U can’t febreeze your baby brother!

Meg Zownir 1 year ago

#1!!! Us and our 3 yr old right now. Everywhere.

Jamie Den Herder Clark 1 year ago

You don’t pee on your friends!

sangeetha menon 1 year ago

Hahaha . Hilarious .. I have seen mommies shouting at their boys this too ‘Stop touching your penis now ‘..

Theresa Passamani Kloster 1 year ago

I don’t even know how many times I’ve told my boys to stop exposing themselves at the dinner table…no we don’t need to look at your penis while we are eating dinner. And stop exposing yourselves UNDERNEATH the table to each other…it’s still not funny!!!!

Denise Evans 1 year ago

Um… I’ve only ever said number 8. And my boy is 7 now. Should I be worried that he may be behind the curve???

Elizabeth Kerwin 1 year ago

OMG! “If you stop playing with it, it will go down” – this has been said in my house every day for the last week to my hysterical two year old who gets SO upset that his penis won’t go down! It’s crazy funny, but also – just crazy! I’m so glad we’re not the only ones having this conversation!!

Audrey Blakeman 1 year ago

To my 3yo, multiple times this summer: Stop drinking out of that puddle! This kid will lay down and lap up water from any puddle, like a dog. Disgusting!

Heather Merideth Lujano 1 year ago

“Do not throw poopy toilet paper in the trash can. All toilet paper goes in the toilet!” Seriously!

Jess Haney Przybylski 1 year ago

Twin 2 1/2 year old boys here….. “please don’t pee ON your brother”….. to which the other replied…. “i said yes pee on brother”….. really?

Theresa Pollard 1 year ago

Haha! So glad I had two girls. My friend told me a story of minding her nephew (3). He peed in a cup, put a tea bag in it & put it in the microwave to make a cup of tea. Lol! Eew!

Megan Jamison 1 year ago

I’ve said the underware one!

Jessie Soto 1 year ago

I have two boys, ages 3 and 2, and have been forced to say some weird stuff, such as the following:

“You won’t eat pizza, but you’ll eat boogers?”

“Stop touching your penis at the dinner table”

“Stop licking me”

“You do not need to take your pants off to take your passport picture”

“Get your butt off my pillow”

“No, that is not a DECEPTICON. No we can’t shoot it”.

“Stop sucking on your big toe”

“Please take off your Hook hand to go to sleep”.

“Don’t lick the wall”.

Alicia Marie Boisson 1 year ago

I never thought I’d say stop peeing on ur sister… but I have…. and more than once :)

Amber Whitt Mercil 1 year ago

laughing my ass off!

Rachael Parker Davis 1 year ago

Don’t hang your waffle off your penis!

Christina Elston Gallagher 1 year ago

I have two boys and it’s a new (usually gross) adventure everyday -a few weeks ago, I had to discipline my three year old for peeing into the dog’s food dish. He peed into the dog’s dish in the middle of the kitchen like it was no big deal..lol

Jenn Theriault 1 year ago

Yay a funny outlook

Amber Whitt Mercil 1 year ago

in glad I’m not the only one with a son who likes to pee in places other than the toilet….like in his bedroom, in the toy chest, in his closet, etc. I had to have it professionally cleaned to make the smell go away.

Jenni Keeler 1 year ago

I have 2 girls and I’ve said some of these lol

Cyndi Hoptry 1 year ago

More than a few!!!

Jeannie Andrews-Dean 1 year ago

I would say 2 & 3 but with my daughter..

CPG 1 year ago

“Stop wrapping your penis around Thomas the train….I don’t care if you are making up a store called ‘Thomas and the giant pee pee'”

“Please don’t put your toothbrush on your penis”

“Stop biting your brother’s toes”

“Please stop farting on the cat”

Kayla Doan 1 year ago

It is amazing how many times and in how many different ways I have to tell my four year old to stop touching his penis! “Don’t put your penis on the entertainment center”. “Stop rubbing your penis against the wall.” “Don’t you dare take your penis out of your pants in the middle of the parking lot!” Ohh, man.

Helen Sue Wolery Sallee 1 year ago

Having been raised with two brothers in a neighborhood of 21 boys & 5 girls, I am not surprised by anything boys do. I can add many more to this list!!

Erin Ricciardi 1 year ago

I remember when my I had just brought my 3rd son home, my second son decided to lock himself in the bathroom with the cat, spray her with air freshener, and roll her in the litter box…

Lauren Andrews 1 year ago

Sarah Maciejewski I’ve never seen so much poo in my life until I had these two their brother wasn’t like that

Christina ‘Lee’ Gasich 1 year ago

Stop peeing on each other! While in the bathtub. Lol

Diane Tran Enarson 1 year ago

Emily Fogle I can’t decide what is funnier…this list or all the comments!! HAhahha. Thanks for the laughs!

Amy Parsons Kemp 1 year ago

“Being goofy trumps hygiene”. Yes! All the time! And most of the time, trumps manners too. Belching, farting, licking…

Alyssa Mander Jackson 1 year ago

Don’t lick the floor of the veterinary exam room! Don’t lick the bottom of your shoe! Don’t share your spoon with the dog! (As he puts the spoon back in his mouth!) Don’t pull on your penis! Don’t lick Mommy in the face! Don’t stick your tongue in Mommy’s mouth!

Jennifer Lee Neithercott 1 year ago

I recently had to tell my son not to eat his scabs. He said they tasted like bacon. The most disgusting yet most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard!

Kayla 1 year ago

1) don’t pee in front of the girls
2) don’t chase ur sisters around trying to “touch” them with you tee-tee.
3) don’t bring that mud in my house!!
4) get down from there! (Hanging from the top of the swing set where the chains attach)
5) quit being mean to your sisters! Their going to gang up on you one day!
6) don’t pee on my car tire just bc u saw the dog do it!
7) don’t pee on the steps to the house! Go to the bathroom!

***Keep in mind he’s the middle child, the only boy in the household besides his step-dad, with a older sister (9) & a younger sister (going on 4) he will be 5 in November. Raised in the country…

Christina 1 year ago

I have a 6 year old daughter and she was so easy compared to my son, who’s now 21 months. He likes to follow us girls to the bathroom, talking to his sister and pointing out how my body is different from his; run around butt naked, giggling and watching his little weewee bounce; and his favorite thing to do is find a spot in the middle of the living room carpet (not the linoleum in the kitchen!) and pee. While laughing.
We got a dog 7 months ago, which leads to my “never thought I’d say” moment: stop headbutting the dog!

jessica 1 year ago


LueAnna 1 year ago

My 5 yo insists that if he is scared his penis tickles so he knows what is happening. I guess it’s good to have a built in warning system for those scary times. LOL

Jennifer Hoover Riddle 1 year ago

This makes me feel better. My most surprising (so far) was “Don’t pee in a ziplock sandwich bag and run across the park with it.”

Gina Vogel Miller 1 year ago

I have 3 boys. Oh so many penis issues in our house too! Also, I find myself routinely yelling “You, get your butt off your brother’s head! You, get your head out of your brother’s butt!” WTH is it with boys? LOL

Heather Marzullo 1 year ago

Oh my God, I love this!

Katherine Anderson 1 year ago

“Stop licking your brother”. Said at the grocery store to the great amusement of other shoppers.

Sioux Mocerino 1 year ago

OMG I just spat out my coffee. This is pure GOLD. Disturbing, but GOLD. Secretly though, I love having a little boy … they are the nuttiest little fruit cakes around!

Amanda Kurstean Matteson 1 year ago

Lol, that is great!!

Amy Murdock Young 1 year ago

I had to tell my son not to stick his finger in his behind.

Jennifer Pipkin 1 year ago

My twin boys are 3, we are having this exact issue every single day!

Ashley Jordan Rickel 1 year ago

So much to look forward to! Ha!

Jaclyn Croke 1 year ago

Ha ha ha!! You gotta love little boys!

Amy Paschal Keister 1 year ago

Too funny!

Lisa Cowan 1 year ago


Megan McCorvey 1 year ago

“Please stop eating your Nerf Football”

Cathlene Funk Pauliny 1 year ago


Cynthia Payne 1 year ago

Get your balls of my pillow/off your brother/off my couch/off my make up/ and get your balls off me!” Last one repeated almost daily.

Carolyn Wanatee 1 year ago

Let’s talk about 4 b. There is a study floating around somewhere that eating boogies boosts the immune system.

Amanda J. Howard 1 year ago

Boys aren’t the only one. To my 3 y/o daughter: “Get your vagina off the watermelon.”

Robin Lea 1 year ago

Too funny! We did have to explain to #1 son why it was NOT okay to pee on the church playground, and #2 son why it was NOT okay to show his best friend (girl) his ‘cup’ while he was wearing it!

Tammy Smith 1 year ago

I had to tell my daughter that she cannot leave her boogers on the armrest of the car door or on her closet door. And she can’t keep her boogers, even if it is a “collection”.

Jesse Calsetta 1 year ago

Some of this I’ve said and some I’m sure to say sometime in the future lol!!

Lacey Lynch 1 year ago

I just posted a lost of weird things I say now that I have a boy. I mostly tell him to stop touching his penis. It’s so casual but I imagine that other people are appalled! Lol!

Sherri Fleischer 1 year ago

Do not lick your brother.

Audry Messersmith 1 year ago

Do not lay on the cat after I get you out of the tub. Followed by come back I have to wipe the cat hair off your nuts. Yeah didn’t listen to that whole don’t lay naked on the cat thing.

Kira Poh Jenkins 1 year ago

Get that toy sword out of your nose

Julie Hatheway 1 year ago

Stop licking the door, it’s gross, he licks everything it’s disgusting

Erin Ricciardi 1 year ago

With my second, I was constantly yelling “Take the ______ (insert any noun) out of your underwear!!” It’s surprising what will fit in there.

Amanda Braswell Jimenez 1 year ago

Don’t ever again pee on your brother while he is laying in his bed because you are mad at him!!!

Heather Leggett 1 year ago

My personal favorite I had to say to my son was “Stop licking the carpet!”

Melissa Munkers 1 year ago

Don’t put your finger in your butt.
Don’t try to put your finger in your sister’s butt.
Stop licking yourself
If you stop playing with it, it will go down. Just stop playing with it.
Why did you put popcorn kernels in your ears?

Erin 1 year ago

“No, you may not try to catch the fish in the tank for fun!”

“No, you may not collect your blood in a bowl.”

“If you don’t want me to see you naked, don’t come into my room naked!”

I got lots more!!!! LOL

Jennifer Griffin Berry 1 year ago

OMG – this is the funniest one and having a 4 year old boy, I so get it! :)

Joellen Staggs Cowden 1 year ago

To my daughter: “Don’t put poo in the washing machine!” (it was placed in the fabric softener reservoir)

Amy Pate Robinson 1 year ago

“Do not fart on the dog!”

Cassaundra Malisch Mohr 1 year ago

My best having boys comment….. I have twin boys…. You can touch your own penis but leave your brothers alone!

Mary Briggeler 1 year ago

When my son was 3ish his 2 older sisters were trapped in the hammock and he took his opportunity to exact revenge, he pulled down his pants and peed on them while they could not get away.

Tracy Jo Hilden 1 year ago

2 girls. Said it all except the pee ones…although I did have to tell my then 3yo she could not run outside to pee and poop like the dog.

Kjersten Herkel 1 year ago

Get your tongue out of your nose….

Kelli Brizendine 1 year ago

I’ve actually had to tell my son not to put his spoon on his penis. Lol

Rhonda Jones 1 year ago

I have 5 boys & this made me laugh so hard I had tears!

Julie 1 year ago

Damien, please stop licking the door. He is 6 I have no idea why he licks everything it’s disgusting.

Theresa Passamani Kloster 1 year ago

I just had to tell my son to not put his balls on the iPad. I find it extremely disturbing that I even have to say this.

Heather MacLeod Stevens 1 year ago

Mine was “please get your penis off the dining room table”. I’ve said it twice. Out loud.

Amanda McCarver 1 year ago

No you may not pull down your swimming trunks and pee beside the pool :) Happened today. Lol

Jerrica Schlyer 1 year ago

Don’t wipe your boogers on your brother! I’ve said this so many times the past couple of days lol

Jennifer Jerina 1 year ago

“You can’t win a farting contest by trying so hard that you poop yourself.”

Kristi Donison 1 year ago

I’ve said ‘don’t put your penis … ‘ more times than I can remember!

Mary Briggeler 1 year ago

Mine are….
1. Stop peeing into the bathtub in the morning, just wait it out.
2. Stop playing with dead animals.
3. Do not put worms or frogs in your pocket.

Amanda Robinson 1 year ago

“Please do not lick your baby sister’s entire head” and “Stop using your poop for wall paint!” Honestly… why?! WHY?! *cries*

Crystal Brianne Geronimo 1 year ago

Haha omg the places they pee! In the toys is the most annoying thing ever!

Emmi 1 year ago

Thank your for sharing these! I keep a running list too: I was shocked when I had to say “Put your penis back in your diaper” the first time, but it’s a regular occurrence now. The latest one is “We do NOT feed the dogs out of our mouth!” as my 22 month old generously shared the piece of popcorn held between his teeth with our chihuahua. I kinda can’t wait to hear what comes out of my mouth next 😉

Kathryn Young 1 year ago

1.9.10 all in the last week!!

Jess Niemet 1 year ago

“stop biting your toenails!” I say that one daily…

Holly Elizabeth Green 1 year ago

“get that breast pump tube out of your nose!” “we do not put fruit snacks in our ears.” “do not pee in my cup!!” “Thats a trash can, not a potty.” Yeah…I have three sisters, and two daughters, then I had a boy, and then another boy, I am SO out of my element here

Julie Hickman-Rincon 1 year ago

Lol, there are too many things I think to list when having boys! Stop bouncing on the bed to see your penis bounce. Careful if you keep jumping and kicking up your heels like that to hit your butt you are going to hit your nuts and it will hurt; as he’s laying there holding himself in pain, see I told you so! But that doesn’t seem to stop him…can’t explain boys!

Brittney Demeter 1 year ago

I had to say “no, we do not put our penis in the DVD player” to my 2 year old the other day…

Rachel Spudes 1 year ago

I have a little girl and I’ve said a couple of these!

Melissa Caruth Yonchuk 1 year ago

I’d like to add, ” do you have an itch or are you just making sure it’s still there?”

Jennifer Holland 1 year ago

“Do not blow your nose in your tortilla” and “No, you cannot go to the bathroom in the cat pan”

Pam 1 year ago

“Stop playing with your junk when you’re standing there talking to me.”

Alissa Souza 1 year ago

I have 3 boys and a girl. Boys are super gross. They say and do the weirdest things.

Gina Jina 1 year ago

My sons are freaking ANGELS compared to this list … My daughter is the one who likes to fart during church. Lol

shannon 1 year ago

“Stop biting the dog”

Zenia Martinez 1 year ago

Gotta love boys!

Lindsey Endrikat 1 year ago

1,9 &10 and he’s only 3 :)

Lisa Kovar Watterson 1 year ago

Oh, I just said #7 last night! Seriously son, boogers in the ear??

Midnite Fultz 1 year ago

I have 2 girls and then I finally for my son he’s only 1 right now but I can just imagine what’s to come. He’s already taking off his diaper and playing with his you know what lol!!! My girls never took off their diapers!

newbuffalomom 1 year ago

I never knew hugs could be used as weapons until my boys. “I’m just hugging him!” as the sibling screams and struggles.

Meagan Vasquez 1 year ago

1,2,3,5 and 8 for me! gotta ❤ our boys

Valerie Carter 1 year ago

“It is not alright to trade underwear after you used them”…I vividly recall this with my sons. I was doing laundry one week and they had a lot of clean underwear and I had to investigate. When they showered they traded (dirty) underwear.

Stacy Weatherred Davis 1 year ago


Stacie Batdorf Radabaugh 1 year ago

My favorite never thought I’d say…….”get your penis out of the fridge!!!!!!”

Jennifer 1 year ago

“Get the plunger off your penis.”

Alisha Brokaw 1 year ago

I have all girls !! Lol.