10 Ways to Piss Off a Pregnant Woman

angry-woman-yelling

I’ve been at this whole pregnancy website thing a year now and it didn’t take me long to realize that there are certain things that tick off most (although not all) pregnant women. Sure, sure we can go around telling them they looks great, but sometimes you just want to be a dick and what better way to do that than messing with a woman with child? Well, here are just a few universal nuggets that I’ve found if you’re looking to poke the pregnant bear.

10. Tell her your birth story. Even if she starts to walk away, just follow her with every gory detail about your birth. The more painful and horrible, the better. And be sure to keep asking her if she’s scared. If she says “no,” just ask her if she’s sure or tell her that she should be. Maybe she needs to hear about your episiotomy again.

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9. Suggest a name. It’s doubtful that she and her partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name, so it’s important that you weigh in on this decision with a couple of names you thought of on the way into work. If you come up with a funny one, be sure to greet her stomach with it. For example, scream “How’s it going in there, Ass-Clown-Charlie Brown?!” Be sure to lean on the surname when you say it.

8. Comment on her size. If she’s looking big, be sure to ask if she’s sure there isn’t two in there, or if she’s sure she’s due in two months and not at noon. If she looks small, be sure to ask her where she’s hiding it, or suggest maybe she just swallowed a grape. This one might also make her worry that something’s wrong so it’s a nice double whammy.

7. Jump in with “Just you wait until the baby comes” anytime she looks like she’s enjoying herself or if she’s a little too happy about the baby. Clearly she doesn’t realize how difficult it is to have a baby, so it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t get too excited. Babies are awful.

6. Tell her what she should and shouldn’t be doing. It really is amazing that she made it as far as she has, considering how reckless she’s being with her diet and daily routine. Normally you wouldn’t care, but seeing as there’s a baby involved, you better get in there and smack that coffee out of her hand; or better yet, just give her dirty looks and shake your head. That will teach her. You don’t want your tax dollars going towards that kid’s tail removal someday.

5. Ask her if her pregnancy was an accident. The less you know the woman the better because it will make her realize that you don’t approve of her reproductive schedule (of course you would never come out and say that because that would just be rude). An even more subtle comment would be, “You know how that happens, right?” Everybody in the room will think it’s funny, but now she knows, and you know, that you’ve just pointed out that she’s had sex. If she becomes offended, just tell her it was a joke and to lighten up, then roll your eyes and say “hormones”.

4. Ask her if she knows what she’s having. If she tells you the sex, ask her if she’s disappointed that she isn’t having the opposite. (On the off chance that she says “yes,” be sure to tell her child that their mother didn’t want them at an age-appropriate time). If she says that they aren’t finding out the sex, act surprised and say “Don’t you want to know?!” Say it in a way that implies that she isn’t interested in her baby.

3. Ask her if she conceived naturally, especially if you don’t know the woman very well. Be sure to ask her in front of other strangers if possible. It’s a great question, because if she used fertility treatments, then she has to reveal a very personal, private part of her life, and if she didn’t, she also has to reveal a very person, private part of her life. If she says that it’s none of your business, you can just hold up your hands in defense and say, “Whoa, easy, I was just asking a question. Someone is touchy today.” She can’t win. It’s a delicious Catch-22.

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2. Toward the end of her pregnancy, be surprised every time you see her. Say things like “Are you STILL pregnant?” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and an extra helpful “I guess it just doesn’t want to come out!” – which is nice, because it points out the delivery she is *clearly* putting off and it’s a little gross, too.

1. Touch her belly. The less you know her, the better. Just walk up to her and start molesting her stomach. Make an “MMmmmm” noise while you do it. If that doesn’t get her going, put your face right up to her belly button and talk into it like a microphone. Ask the baby how they’re doing and listen for an answer. If that still doesn’t upset her, comment how her baby doesn’t move much because it didn’t respond to your voice and how she may want to talk to her doctor about that.

Good luck!

Related post: 10 Things Pregnant Women Say And What They Really Mean

 

About the writer

Amy Morrison is the Canadian asshat behind Pregnant Chicken. She started the website when she found out that she could have safely consumed caffeinated coffee during both her pregnancies and she was livid. She decided that the truth needed to be told about the myths surrounding pregnancy and the crap that goes along with it.

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Wilde One 4 months ago

This is such a brilliant idea!!
I’ve been dreading the moment when somebody tries to touch me without my permission for the first time.

Kristy 5 months ago

Add on one more for postpartum… One woman told my husband how good I looked for how far along I must be. I had the baby two months before!!!

Shannon B 5 months ago

Can we add asking a women who is 7 weeks postpardum if she’s had her baby yet? That’s a fun one, too. What is wrong with people?

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Suzi 6 months ago

A friend of mine posted an article on FB about an hour ago about how women who give birth later in life may have greater longevity- the stock photo was of a woman in the last few weeks of pregnancy (HUGE). First comment was some older dude- I kid you not: “Sweet Jesus! What is that woman going to deliver? A calf???”

I responded with: “***, along with a 7 -9 pound human being, there’s all the fluid, a 50% increase in the amount of blood a woman normally possesses (so much so that her heart actually increases in size to be able to pump it), and the placenta which is the size of a large pot roast. (If you don’t believe me, I can post a picture of mine.) She’s about the normal size for the end of pregnancy, the last few weeks the baby puts on about a pound per week (think of what a pound of hamburger looks like.) Those kind of comments may seem innocent enough, but in reality it’s a way of fat-shaming pregnant women… PREGNANT WOMEN. It’s in poor taste.”

I really want to post that photo just to scare/ gross him out. Resisting the urge thus far.

Harz 6 months ago

My favorite thing when someone rubbed my belly was to maintain eye contact and begin to rub theirs. Comment on how big it is. When they begin to freak out just smile and tell them you thought it was a normal greeting, I mean they did it to you.

Faith 7 months ago

Tell her the sex of the baby because of how she looks or how she’s carrying her bump. If she says its the opposite sex that she found out through ultrasound, explain to her how an ultrasound is not 100% accurate

Haley 7 months ago

When I was 6 months pregnant my husband and I attened a 4th of July bbq and multiple people said “man your due any day aren’t you” after the 4th person I told my husband we had better leave because the next person that asked me that was going to get thrown in the lake. Mind you I was huge not twins I’m just 5’2 and my baby girl was almost 10 pounds and 22inches long. Pregnant girl problems.

Kaci 7 months ago

Can we add to the list, “Keeping her up past her decided bedtime because you aren’t tired”?

Katrina 8 months ago

The one question, next to what I was expecting, that i HATED equally, was didn’t you have anything better to do? Omg!! It was always strangers that would ask.

Karen Moses 8 months ago

When I was pregnant with my son, my daughter (then 4) used to talk into my belly button because she was sure he could only hear through there. Whenever someone tried to even touch my growing belly through both pregnancies I would give them such a stink eye that the hand would go back to its natural place very fast. Only two people were allowed to touch my belly: my husband and during the second pregnancy my husband and my daughter.

Charnae Decker 9 months ago

Lol. #5 is my faaaaavorite.

Sarah J Pearson 9 months ago

Lmao too funny!

Shanna McMillan 9 months ago

So true.

Connie 9 months ago

Yes to ALL of these! I would add : Be sure to ask the woman if she plans to breastfeed. The less you know her personally, the better. You don’t want that near stranger using formula now, since those breasts are what God gave her for feeding babies. Even better still if you are an older gentlemen, make sure you ask.

Lisa Deliri 9 months ago

When hubby didn’t take my urgent need to pee seriously and missed the exit to the rest area on purpose to be funny…he never did that again. Lol

Colle Peltier 9 months ago

Number 2 dad number 2 Timothy Ray I told you no pregnant women thinks the following words are compliments : “wow you look like you’re having twins” or “are you due tomorrow” when they know your due date is in six months it’s rude and anyone who thinks they are being funny are just asses huge asses.

Linda Ode 9 months ago

Perfection. #10. God the birth stories disgusted and terrified me.

Jenny Kruschke 9 months ago

OMG all of these. I went 10 days past due with my 2nd pregnancy, let me tell ya, the “You’re still pregnant?” gets old FAST! Why yes, thanks for reminding me of my misery! Also, questions about feeding choices are great too. Women love to discuss their breasts with random people. 😉

Jessica Smith Plant 9 months ago

When we were pregnant with our twins everyone would stop and ask when I was due. When they learned it was three months away they told the entire restaurant! The diners then proceeded to stare and ask questions for the next 45 mins!

David Cummings 9 months ago

Don’t forget to keep chocolate around at all times with a pregnant woman.

J Lyndsy Storer 9 months ago

Only 3 of them …

Michele Zantop Biggerstaff 9 months ago

I got all of these except #3. I think “just wait until the baby comes” is the worst. Like I’d regret my decision??

Kelsey Alonzo 9 months ago

Haha!!!

Jodi Beatty 9 months ago

Seriously!

I should have said, “when’s the last time you spread your legs and let a man into your vagina?”

“Yeah. Your remark was a bit too personal. Asking a stranger about her vagina the first moment you meet her.”

Meghann 9 months ago

wait, you forgot one.

11. If you see a pregnant women get away as fast you can. Do not approach her and do not try to make small talk. With a long list of things you can’t comment on and a tendency to talk whatever you say as an insult regardless of how it’s intended, it is best to avoid the situation altogether.

Jodi Beatty 9 months ago

I had fracking all of these. Ugh!!

I was exactly 7 days over due and very large. And a mall woman I met for 10 seconds asked me “have you dilated?” I stood there, completely frozen. This woman was asking me about the status of my vagina.

Because I didn’t answer, she added, “at all?”

I said, “I just think that’s an incredibly personal question.”

#AWKWARD

That one took the cake for me. In all 3 of my pregnancies, that was the one that was enough for me.

Leah Dickinson 9 months ago

Totally! People are sooooo annoying.

Kristina Watkins 9 months ago

LMAO. If you aren’t following this yet, I do recommend.

Sandy Birchall 9 months ago

So funny how so many people say these innocently without realizing that it can be so annoying

Sarah Mel 9 months ago

While still pregnant with our second boy, some people acted disappointed when they found out and asked when we would try for a girl….

Sarah Mel 9 months ago

So so true!!!!!

Katie Van Dick 9 months ago

It’s kind of like #5, but I hated being asked, “Were you trying?”

Casey Shea 9 months ago

Almost all of these happened. I actually started threatening people with assault charges if they came up to me and tried to start petting me. And some old lady called me fat so I told her she is calling the kettle black. Made me so damn mad. People have no concern for how stupid they are around pregnant people.

Bethany Granger Dioli 9 months ago

Next time say, I’m seven months pregnant. What’s your excuse?

Elizabeth Bush-King 9 months ago

9,8,7,6 and 4 for me

Kristin Hull Richmer 9 months ago

Nikki DeLeon Ewing #nailedit. They also left out “so when is your next one going to happen?” I want to punch people.

Leslie 9 months ago

#1, completely agree. Ugh! I am NOT Buddha, and the only luck you’ll find is that I’m restraining myself from smacking you.

Alicia Mondor 9 months ago

A big yes to all of these.

Mercedes Oettinger 9 months ago

I don’t mind being told that my belly is big, because I know my baby is a healthy and growing being. What I do mind, is being told that I’m “so big” that they “bet I won’t make it to my due date.” So suddenly you’re a doctor, and basically you’re saying you think I’m gonna have a premature baby? Yeah hilarrrriousss.

Andrea Marie 9 months ago

Umm huh??

Sarah Hogan 9 months ago

Cultural differences…when I was pregnant with my lo in Israel, it was SO different than my ones in the US. Strangers would help me with my groceries, get up for me on the bus, say blessings over me and the baby. It was truly a lovely experience comparatively speaking.

Crystal D 9 months ago

I started my day off today as I walked into work with a Co worker asking me if I was having triplets then when I smiled said no I just carry big she asked me if I was this big last time I was pregnant? To which I responded yes yes I was. I had to laugh it off which is better than crying at shit ignorant people say.

Patricia Pigeon 9 months ago

Haha. I was going to say that people are so touchy and should relax a little but when I read this I related to all the points!! One more is telling her she shouldn’t be lifting or bending but at the same time not offering to help her

Marie Greaux Gagliano 9 months ago

Exactly

Samantha Anderson 9 months ago

Breath wrong.!!!!

Sammiey Olsen 9 months ago

Mallorie Brewer you might appreciate this. “Ass-clown Charlie brown” ahaha. So glad we are done with these! Now we just get “are you breastfeeding? Are they vaccinated? Are you staying at home with them? You’re not putting them in daycare are you?” And so forth. Yay.

Sammiey Olsen 9 months ago

My personal favorite- Is the father in the picture? … Good thing he is or this would be even more painfully awkward. Oh and thanks for reminding me my finger is far too fat for my wedding ring :) just what I wanted to discuss with a stranger!

Alanna Klapp 9 months ago

Hilarious!!!

Brittany Taylor 9 months ago

#1 Would instantly ruin my day

Nicole S’Moore 9 months ago

My personal favorite is when they tell you that they gained “absolutely no weight” while they were pregnant. Stfu!

Alicia Neal 9 months ago

I hate when people commented about the size of my body. It’s wasn’t public property just because I was pregnant. Total strangers would say awful shit!

Jennifer Denson Black 9 months ago

I think every Knucklehead read this article before I was pregnant Mercedes Oettinger! You agree?!! Haha.

Catherine Mitchell 9 months ago

A check out operator at Target used to ask me (quite loudly) about my bowel habits, then would launch into a story about the constipation she suffered in pregnancy. She did this every time I saw her. Every time.

Charlie Park 9 months ago

And I thought all it took was being in the vicinity.

Melissa Daniels 9 months ago

Think I had just about every one done to me at some stage. And my god is it annoying!!!

Bill Fancher 9 months ago

Does she bite??

Tara Taylor Williams 9 months ago

I really enjoy being called “the fat lady” by my uncle.

Dan Boettger 9 months ago

I’m afraid to like this post

Tess M. Manicki 9 months ago

I loved hearing birth stories. And I don’t get why everyone is so damn sensitive about size. You’re pregnant, get over it, you’ve got a baby belly.

Reylanda Clark 9 months ago

When I was pregnant with twins, I carried small. When ppl asked what I was having I’d answer one of each. People would be so excited for twins, yet start to tell me stories about losing a twin during pregnancy, still born births if twins, premature twins that didn’t survive…I felt like they were so insensitive!!

Caitlin 9 months ago

When I found out I was pregnant with my second, my first wad 14 months old. Everyone, literally everyone, asked Me if I knew how babies happend. I so wanted to give smart as answers. The funny part is my second was planned. So yes. I am fully aware how it happens.

Stephania Nicole Nowak 9 months ago

This sounds like for first time moms because by number 3 those things don’t bother me so much. I get mad when you eat the last of something whether I wanted it or not at that moment. I might have wanted it later lol

Melissa Lowry 9 months ago

At the moment, it’s everyone and their dog asking “When is that baby going to come??…. Have you tried this? It worked for me, it’ll definitely work for you” (which it did not btw) 41 weeks pregnant and waiting to be induced hopefully soon is not the time to ask me where my baby is. If I had it, you would know.

Jennifer Kisner 9 months ago

Let’s face it this is a good list but far from even the tip of the iceberg. Me personally… I was pissed off about EVERYTHING during both of my pregnancies.

Suzanne 9 months ago

It has been 8 years since I had my daughter & I STILL remember being pissed about everything on that list!

jenn 9 months ago

It was so awkward when people, especially male coworkes, would ask if I planned to breastfeed. It was always people that I didn’t know well so I never understood why that was their business. One male coworker even asked if I planned to use the “titty room,” known to everyone else as the nursing room. Smh

Christina Prescott 9 months ago

As of right now im 14 weeks and i am very obviously pregnant. People keep saying im having twins or that my due date must be wrong because i shouldn’t be so big. My response has become “the baby is an attention grabber like it’s mother and just wants to be sure that you see it”

Cari Ann Perry 9 months ago

Not only did I get comments on my large belly the first time around and literally have a lady argue with me that the doctor must have gotten my due date incorrect but many other women found it appropriate to comment on my very large breasts…..

Danielle Lorance Gerringer 9 months ago

You forgot tell them you don’t like the name they picked out and that you know a dog with that name…. had that happen to me by someone I barely knew lol

Rachel Johnson 9 months ago

#8 I’m only 4 ’11” and people would actually ask me if I were having TWINS! It pissed me off so bad!

Allison J Grindley 9 months ago

Oh my goodness! I totally agree with all of these!

Eileen 9 months ago

My coment is the size of belly and my boobs and let me tell you I got big not huge bc my daughter was a premie at 1 pound 10 ounces and 12inches long so I do not like the belly coment bc you do not know if maybe they had the baby early and they did not lose the baby fat yet due to stress fatigue or depression so I hate that bc people just assumed I’m pregnant when I had the baby already but did lose right away people need to be careful of pregnant woman period point blank, side note my daughter is 5 now and healthy beautiful sweetie pie

Renee Cherry Krone 9 months ago

These are funny, but really I’m not sure who this happens to. I don’t believe I ever had anyone do these things to me well pregnant.

Laura Inman Sumpter 9 months ago

Yep people kept asking me if I was having a Christmas baby and I was due at the end of May…

Kathryn Manley 9 months ago

Strangers touching my bump.

Brittany Baumbarger Gonzalez 9 months ago

This is awesome!

Lydia Lettrick 9 months ago

Spot on! People can be so so soooooooo rude to pregnant women!
I was so ready to have a shirt made that said
No I’m only having one!
It’s a boy
He’s due August 2
His name is Jesse
I will be nursing
It is none of your business whether he was planned or not!
DO NOT TOUCH MY BELLY!

Valerie Davis 9 months ago

I had twins. The “get pregnant naturally” question happened waaaaay more after they were born. Still does 6 years later. It drives me crazy.

Gillian Nicole 9 months ago

Lol funny . I’m not that crazy but do get annoyed about this accident one …

Melissa Gilbert 9 months ago

I endured #10 on a daily basis at work. Apparently my saying, “Please don’t tell me your scary birth/pregnancy stories” was interpreted by my coworkers as, “Please pause for a moment and then continue your story with even more enthusiasm.”

Jennifer Krebs 9 months ago

My favorite was when a client at work noticed that I was not wearing a wedding ring and proceeded to ask me if I planned on keeping my baby and if I had thought about my ‘options’, WTF?? (fyi, my son was intentional and yes we did keep him! : ) )

Lorren Lemmons 9 months ago

Oh gosh… The one about the baby being an accident drove me crazy! I was a young first time mom (mid twenties) who conceived very much on purpose and I was asked this question way too many times!

Michelle Clark 9 months ago

If these comments actually upset someone, they are waayy over sensitive!

Allison 9 months ago

Also to add (because I’m 7 weeks pregnant and very sick, all day every day): TELL HER YOUR MORNING SICKNESS LASTED UNTIL THE DAY YOU GAVE BIRTH. Better yet, tell her your kid is 3 years old and you STILL haven’t gotten rid of morning sickness. Because even though they say it’s *usually* over after the first trimester, nothing will make her feel better as she’s running for the toilet to puke than the thought that this will never end.

Kelly Jones McGann 9 months ago

Although these do seem rude and a little out of manners. Most don’t say things to be hurtful. I would love to be pregnant right now someone asking I what I’m having! Move on don’t take things so personal!!

Kristin Coonce 9 months ago

Yes. Yes to all of it.

Laura Hohm 9 months ago

the “we’re waiting to find out the sex”- we waited and i got from countless people “omg how can you do that? i just HAD to know” as if i was doing some sort of disservice to humanity. um, it was actually very easy, just tell the tech “it’s a surprise.” i got through pregnancy and birth and registering without knowing the sex ahead of time just fine.

mommagem 9 months ago

I totally! did this today!!! because well I can, and because damn it I was in the middle of a f*in contraction and it hurt!!! and HELLO THAT’S my belly!!!

Lerissa Gonzales 9 months ago

I was told at 16 weeks “imagine how hungry you’ll be when your actually pregnant”
Ummmmm?!?!

Susan Thomas 9 months ago

While sitting in the priority seat in the crowded train, briefly look up from your phone at the pregnant woman standing up, and pretend you haven’t seen her.

Heather Monroe 9 months ago

All of this, so much 😉

Amie Conner 9 months ago

9, 8, and 4. So much 4!

Amanda O’Connell 9 months ago

I had someone (a server at my local diner) ask me how dilated I was when I was 3 days postdates…. Um… The status of my cervix is no ones business.

Jessica Chandler Ahern 9 months ago

1-10 are my favorite! Great list!!!!!!

Stephanie Terkelsen 9 months ago

Most of these are accurate. I don’t really mind the “do you know what you’re having?” question.

Anne Quatman 9 months ago

My favorite is asking (while still preg) “so how long are you going to wait to have a second one?” Then frowns and scolds you when you say “i dont know” bc it’s super lonely to be an only child.

Lindsay Goggan-Jones 9 months ago

Omgggg!! People just need to shut up and just say they are happy for you and that you look great and healthy! I am at week 35 and been told everything from being too small, which made me worry ALOT! To being asked about twins, and when i got so big. I just let those fuckers know that my belly measures perfectly. I tell myhusband and kids all the time about these jerk faces and the sad part is that most of them are women who have had kids! Ugh…grinds my “hormonal” gears

Mary Ann Stone 9 months ago

With my first I gained a lot of weight so I would hear all the time that I must be having twins. It irritated me even more when they said it because I have always wanted twins but there is less than a 1% chance I ever will have twins. This time around I keep getting asked if this baby was an accident since the age difference between my kids will be just over 10 years. Nope, she wasn’t an accident, 100% planned.

Bex Willis 9 months ago

Pmsl! Number 8 and number 2 particularly!!! Xxx

Jessica Roest 9 months ago

Lol

Ashley Pate Garrett 9 months ago

How about “you look like you’re having a girl!”…because, you know, girl bellies are bigger, and girls steal your beauty. THANKS!

Diane Bo 9 months ago

Say what you want doesn’t bother me at all. Just don’t touch my stomach…. Don’t…. Touch…. I am not suddenly public property.

Rachel Carrigan 9 months ago

Lol there’s so many more.. Especially if it’s your 3rd.. “you’re going to have your hands full.. You’re not having anymore right?”
Or
When you’re over due.. “Any pains yet?” Because at the end of your pregnancy, you don’t have pain unless it’s contractions.. Everything’s just easy peasy! You don’t feel constant pressure in your crotch, you don’t get your “practice” contractions at all during pregnancy..

Excuse my bitterness.. Lmao I’m currently over due lol

Cassandra Sommerfeldt 9 months ago

Yes well, being 39 weeks I am pretty damn sick of hearing most of these…. Honestly the biggest thing that’s making me crazy is everyone else thinking they have an opinion on our baby’s name.

Leesie Mummie Monogram 9 months ago

Don’t make eye contact with the pregnant women!

Amber Cavanagh 9 months ago

One upping everything that has happened during your pregnancy should be on there “I was in labor for 10 hours” “Well I was in labor for 35 hours”….seriously…

Bliss Harper-Dillon 9 months ago

Just had number 2 number 1 was almost 2 my fav was “was it planned? ” well yes but thats none of your business!! I always tell pregnant women my easy birth story from number 1 when they ask before my traumatic story of number 2. Because people are always quick to tell you their horrible birth stories not their easy ones!

Emily Huddleston 9 months ago

Ive heard that one too.

Regina 9 months ago

Oh god, #8 has been running rampant on me with everyone thinking they should comment on how small I am for 7 months.
Next person to say it, I’m gonna say that they look like they’ve gotten bigger, and ask if their left butt cheek is where they stored the Thanksgiving turkey.
My mom thought it was a compliment, but I don’t get how making someone worry is a compliment.

Crystal Harder 9 months ago

Who the hell would ask #3?! RUDE!

Jacqueline Noelle 9 months ago

Haha. This is spot on.

Melissa A. Lavoie 9 months ago

This is awesome…but I have to admit, I’m pretty witty and ALWAYS come up with a snappy comeback that pisses the person off… Ftm 37weeks 😉

Justine Gill 9 months ago

Haha the only one I don’t like is people telling you what you should be doing

Amanda Mirambell-Grice 9 months ago

Breathing………

Shea Sawyers 9 months ago

Mine would have to be the “so when are u gonna have this baby” comment or the “one upper” person who has to say their pregnancy was better or worse than urs no matter what u say lol

Emily McGrath Barnes 9 months ago

It irritates me when people find out I’m having a girl after having two boys, they’re first statement is “oh you got your girl! Are you done now?” WTF?!?! So much wrong with that statement!

Jessica Dennis 9 months ago

None of this stuff bothers me. Just don’t mess with my food, and don’t tell me to calm down when I’m having a hormonal moment.

Jen Olson 9 months ago

The best (and only) way to comment on a pregnant woman’s size is by saying that from behind they don’t look pregnant at all. My sister in law said that to me on Thanksgiving (I was 23 weeks pregnant and feeling like my butt was getting huge) and I wanted to give her a big hug!

Kelli Buenaño 9 months ago

My daughter came 5 days past her due date and everyone around me was freaking out! Plus I wasn’t very uncomfortable the last few weeks of my pregnancy so apparently that meant something was wrong with my baby. Every one told me that if she wasn’t moving around at all hours of the night, and keeping me up then clearly something must be wrong with her.

Erika Heeren 9 months ago

The only things that bothered me were the birth stories and the touching of the belly. I had one lady insist on telling me (in vivid detail) how her anesthesia didn’t work during her c-section – after I told her I medically had no other option. I asked her to stop three times, she just kept going! Ah – and repeatedly referring to said pregnant woman as an “incubator” (true story) – that’s a no-no.

Elizabeth Dale 9 months ago

Omg!! These!! Lmao, 3 kids in and the perfect response to that gawd awful ‘hormones’ is ‘I dont need hormones to be a bitch’:)

Aja Hollister Kinton 9 months ago

Only 10?

Jennifer Faulconer 9 months ago

the whole rubbing a pregnant woman’s belly is a huge violation of my personal space. One of the guys I worked with tried to touch my stomach I grabbed his hand bent his wrist back, he came to work in a splint the next day and had a write up for sexual harassment…If you wouldn’t go up to a woman with implants and grab her boobs, don’t ever put your hands on a pregnant woman that’s not your wife without asking first.

Laurie Braslins 9 months ago

LOL too funny. having my third and I’ve heard it all. most people ask if it was planned or point out that I’m “showing” (I’m not).

Melissa Arndt DeVoy 9 months ago

To suggest a name after someone tells you the name they have chosen is ignorant!

Amy McDonald- Waldron 9 months ago

This goes along with #8. Stare unabashedly if the pregnant woman also happens to be short. Yes, I’m 4’11 and I was hugely pregnant but that didn’t give some woman in a restaurant the right to stop dead in her tracks (seriously) and stare with her mouth hanging open at me. My poor MIL was with me and got to hear me say something that I won’t repeat here. 😀

Courtney Lynn Richie 9 months ago

Hahahaha ha!!!! I have a sense of humor so these things don’t bother me, my response however usually bothers the other person.

Christina Michelle Bouie 9 months ago

Or better yet, ask her if she knows who the father is! Got that from a fellow employee even though I’ve been with my partner for 6 years.

Casie Moore 9 months ago

YES. All of these,yes.

Gina Elizabeth 9 months ago

1. Breath
2. Eat
3. Sleep
4. Do nothing
5. Do everything
…..etc.

Emily Peterson 9 months ago

I heard every damn one!!

Elina Matson 9 months ago

The only one that has annoyed me is the belly touching, by a complete stranger.

Amy Ricker 9 months ago

Omg number 5 killed me! It was everyone I knew that asked it too!

Kelly Foster Ussery 9 months ago

Thanks for sharing!!!

Lindsay Mann 9 months ago

I hated “you didn’t have that baby yet?!” Um obviously not, look at my huge uncomfortable belly, does it look like he came out?

Vickey Sanchez 9 months ago

I’ve hit people for touching me. Don’t touch me!

Morgen Peters 9 months ago

Be a big beefy military guy who parks his big ass truck in the expectant moms spot near the mall doors when there is plenty of parking nearby.

Laura Noble 9 months ago

#8. I got both. I stayed tiny until 36 weeks and then I got huge!!!! I hated both sides of the spectrum. And if I wanted your birth story I’d ask

Randi Mifsud 9 months ago

I swear certain people read this article and then approached me during my pregnancy.

Roni Johnson 9 months ago

When I was 4 months pregnant, someone who didn’t really know me interrupted a conversation I was having with friends to say “oh I thought you were just fat”

Veronica Falk 9 months ago

#5 was asked by my mother-in-law when I was expecting my second child. For real.

Lindsay Mann 9 months ago

Omg so many of these things are so accurate

Chastity Pine 9 months ago

#8 is a big one for me. With my first son, I didn’t “pop” out or really gain weight until I hit the third trimester and all I heard was “are you sure you are pregnant” etc… Then with my second son I only gained 35 pounds and everybody was suddenly concerned I wasn’t gaining enough weight and I was starving myself, and then with my third son I gained 75 pounds and I got “well you can tell you are pregnant” that usually got a “no shit sherlock” response back and my personal favorite during my 9th month “you are as big as a house”.

Rose Marie Bogaard 9 months ago

My husband’s grandmother said she didn’t like the name I chose and made a list of names she liked and gave it to me. I still named him what I chose and she calls him TJ. My husband said it as a joke and I snapped. His name is Trace, after my mother who died when I was 12 (Tracy). He will be called Trace or I will flip my shit. I don’t care who doesn’t like it.

Valerie Wilmore Burton 9 months ago

#8 was the one that bugged me with my second pregnancy, it is NEVER okay to tell a woman she is huge (even if it is just her pregnant belly). The HR Manager (a guy) and the Facility Safety Manager (another guy) started making comments at my 7th month about how I looked like I could deliver at any moment and saying things like “are you sure you should be here? You’re making me nervous.” (unless they wanted to donate their leave, I had to be at work for the paycheck.) And, of course, by the following month they would ask me if I was sure it wasn’t twins.

Michele Reid 9 months ago

# 5. Omg! My mother-in-law AND my dentist. WTF?!

Haley Dollarhide 9 months ago

Amen.

Mary Redmond 9 months ago

Omg! Every. Single. One. On point!

Christy Whelan 9 months ago

I agree with all except birth stories. Several pregnant women have asked about my birth stories. I don’t volunteer them unless asked. Hate the size one. And when are you going to have the baby, you look like you will pop any minute! (At the time only 6 mo along).

Megan Murphy 9 months ago

Oh, the last one! I hated people trying to touch me, and then they would be offended if you jumped or said something.

Mary Swanson 9 months ago

HA HA HA HA – yes!!! Hit the nail on the head. I know people mean well but sometimes coming up with a nice response is just exhausting.
Admittedly I am engulfed in preggers hulk like rage today so take that for what it’s worth.

Tasneem Imam Khan 9 months ago

Hahahahhaa!!!! Almost every single one of these encounters happened with me! If I heard these comments when I was pregnant w my first, i would have been annoyed. But now that im pregnant w my second, these particular comments havent bugged me. Everyone gets so happy when they see a pregnant lady, i just chalk it up to good intentions and excitement. Blah!

Leah Capitini 9 months ago

Folks telling me to “get all the sleep [I] can now, because when the baby comes [I’ll] never sleep.” Because, you know, you can bank sleep hours and save them for later.

Tracy Kennerly 9 months ago

Nailed it with these especially #6 and #8. I love the newborn stage its awesome even if u dont sleep :)

Holly Walton 9 months ago

You know what? Add to the list the horror stories you get about what’s wrong with the speaker’s kid. From congenital birth defects, to birth injuries that resulted in cerebral palsy. Had one in the office who gave birth just a few months ahead of me, and she’d catch me in the breakroom, and tell me everything going wrong with her pregnancy: baby not moving much, heart defect, etc. Scared me so bad, I signed up for every test my Dr. Would give me.

Of course, that’s the same asshat who asked me before I got pregnant if I had kids, and when I answered no, told me she had friends struggling with infertility too. Who said anything about infertility?! So I didn’t feel particularly bad about countering her horror stories with my very positive prenatal checkup results.

Julie DeFrancesco Fletcher 9 months ago

This is when Resting Bitch Face came in really handy. No one said shit to me.

Amy Saavedra 9 months ago

Haha! Number 7 and 1 were the worst!

Crystal Kusie 9 months ago

I worked at a grocery store while pregnant. I couldn’t believe the things people would say! I wasn’t married to my husband yet, and one customer actually slapped me and told me I was a bad girl, another customer was furious I didn’t want to name my baby ‘Gary’ after him??, so many men expected me to lift 75 lbs of potatoes out of their carts for them, my boss drove me home sick one time and the whole rude home he told me about his wife’s first pregnancy and how her baby died and she still had to give birth to it and there was so much blood!?!? THEN when I came back from mat leave so many people felt the need to tell me I was now fat. Ugh.

Jennifer Breen 9 months ago

I would have KILLED if anyone did any of these to me. esp. #1.

Breanna Jones 9 months ago

My biggest pregnancy irritation actually happened AFTER the delivery. we placed our daughter for adoption and she stayed in a room with her now parents, and all the nurses and doctors involved knew this. Probably 3-4 times a day somebody would come in looking for her to do whatever they do with newborns. -.- i may have gotten a little rude after day 2 lol

Michele Livingood 9 months ago

Just got back to my office after a #8 conversation. I’m 6 months pregnant, but apparently my coworkers think I look like I should be going into labor any minute. Ugh.

Holly Walton 9 months ago

Oh, yeah. And I got to hear about a coworker’s child kicking her so hard the cartilage separated from some ribs.

My grandfather asked my hubby and I if we knee how that happens. We are all sarcastic. We started to sarcastically give the birds and bees speech to him. 😛

Chelsea Weinzetl 9 months ago

Amen!

Cassandra Wycoff Rowe 9 months ago

One more thing should be added. Comment on every single thing she puts in her mouth to eat. Ask her, “didn’t you just eat lunch or is this your second lunch?”

Anny Valdez 9 months ago

Are you with the father?
I used to get so mad, we can’t be together 24/7 .

Christen Ann 9 months ago

Haha

Tina 9 months ago

Don’t forget making fun of how I walk, yes I’m waddling for attention because it’s sooooo cute.

Lily Read 9 months ago

People breathing pissed me off plenty.

Becky Francke 9 months ago

Yep!

Kelly Fowler 9 months ago

Make her wait in her ob office for an hour after the time she was supposed to be seen and have it be right at lunchtime when she hasn’t eaten yet…my current predicament…

Tehilla Luttig 9 months ago

I took an hour to get ready to finally leave home and go do some Christmas shopping. I’m 30 weeks pregnant. Within 40 minutes of leaving home 1,4,7,8 & 10 happened!!! I got asked about my size THREE times (twice if I’m sure it’s not twins)!!!! WTF!!! Waddled back home in self pity and anger! Just cause I’m pregnant why the f do you have a right to comment on my size – I’m still a woman!!!

Ashley Walker 9 months ago

My pet peeve is ” are you going to breastfeed?”. now, why is that any of your business?????

Candice Kilpatrick 9 months ago

someone did the birth story thing to me even though i was leaning my head on the wall to avoid fainting

Chalice Fraser 9 months ago

#8!! Thank you for mentioning women with smaller bellies. Because yes, when you constantly say something about how small the belly size is, it makes us worried or feel like we aren’t being a good mom! We want our baby’s to be big and bouncing but sometimes our placenta has other ideas!

Sarah Barnes 9 months ago

Birth horror stories. I can’t seem to escape them. Even if I make it known that I don’t want to know someone’s birth story, they usually share it anyways.

Sarah OnFire 9 months ago

Don’t poke the prego!! You will get eaten or beaten!

Margarita Burke 9 months ago

Right on! Please add if she drops something look at the object and walk away. Personally, I am not very big but have had this happen multiple times. Just because I’m not huge doesn’t mean this is an easy pregnancy.

Diane Rivers Nelms 9 months ago

And…my personal favorite as the mother of four, “Are you pregnant AGAIN?”

Amanda Horning Gonzalez 9 months ago

I love the… “why are so tired, you didn’t do anything ” or “you should be enjoying the other kids while you can”.

Beth Liz Stone-Broussard 9 months ago

Hahahahaha, that is so true

Jillian Lindberg Ballweber 9 months ago

Even after you have the baby it doesn’t stop. then it’s when will there be more babies and comments on your parenting! Some people just need to shut up!!

Rebecca Mecham Bagley 9 months ago

LOL! What’s sad is that these are barely even exaggerated! LOL People are idiots! Bonus BEFORE Pregnancy Question: The SECOND she gets back from her honeymoon, begin hounding her constantly about when she will get around to having a baby.

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 9 months ago

If you’ve lived through the toddler years, you’re prepared for teens. LOL Seriously, between hormones (mood swings!) and still-developing brains, they’re just tall 3yo’s. Awesome, crazy, annoying, and you’ve gotta love ’em, because just about when you’re ready to toss them out the nearest window, they’ll do or say something to melt your heart. :)

Christy Spires 9 months ago

My biggest pet peeve with my first one was there was a couple of chicks that I worked with at the time who never failed to tell me that there was a chance my girl could turn out to be a boy. This went on for weeks and it was because apparently their brother’s best friends’ cousin had it happen to them or some crap. I finally had to tell them, “look, I’ve seen her vagina, I’ve seen her ovaries, she’s a fucking girl”. They never bothered me after that.

Amanda Cooney 9 months ago

Omg yes!!!!!

Abby Blanch 9 months ago

Yes all of these. Also ‘do you know the sex?’ Yes it’s a girl. ‘Oh no i recon it’s a boy! The shape of that bump!’ Yes well…3 scans says another girl ‘well you never know!’ Yes.yes i’m pretty sure i DO know.

Sasha Lassley-Henderson 9 months ago

I ESP love the “oh you just wait” comments – grrrrrrrrr

Joey Graham 9 months ago

After she has the baby, be sure to ask her how much longer too….

Angie Lopez 9 months ago

Yes please tell me what the uggliest name you can come up with that you think I should name my baby! I so need your suggestions. Thank you

Ashlee Mae 9 months ago

These are all a very good way to get punched in the face lol and who goes out of their way looking to piss people off get a life.

Georgia Gabriel 9 months ago

Everything pisses of pregnant women its best to just not speak until spoken to lol

Callie Shelton 9 months ago

None of these bothered me in the least…

Katie P 9 months ago

I was 39 weeks pregnant with my 3rd at Thanksgiving this year, and my husband’s aunt’s fiance (sorry about that long train!) would NOT stop insisting that I was carrying twins. When I told him I’d had more than 10 ultrasounds and that we were 100% certain there was only 1 baby, he still kept saying that I just needed to wait till delivery because two babies were going to come out. (Spoiler alert: It wasn’t twins.) He is so damn lucky I didn’t punch him right in his stupid face.

Sarah Meyer 9 months ago

#1. OMG just don’t. If you’re a friend or family member, ask. Otherwise…DON’T. I know some pregnant women didn’t mind and that’s fantastic but I don’t like being touched much anyways so it was an extra invasion of space when I was already uncomfy and cranky. lol
I always hated references to my size. I looked 9 mos pregnant at 6 mos. People were shocked when I had 3 months (really ended up being almost 4 months…>.<) to go. Yes, I know I’m huge. But don’t tell me I look “ready to pop.” I hated that too. I’m not a balloon, I don’t simply pop. lol

Lauren Maxine 9 months ago

I got every single one as well!

Leandra D. Turner 9 months ago

Personally I don’t think it matters if you are pregnant or not some basic manners are in order as well as not taking things over board emotionally on the pregnant women’s side

Jennifer ‘Harder’ Thomas 9 months ago

Hahaha!! Very funny

Jamie Nicole 9 months ago

#6… preach!

Sian Graham 9 months ago

Every. Single. Freakin. One. Of. These. *deep breath* so over it. Only 15 weeks to go….

Matthew Dudek 9 months ago

I think I only had one “momzilla” moment while pregnant: a lady at a drive thru was completely incompetent and screwing up everything about my order. I was talking to my mom and said “This woman is in danger and she doesn’t even know it!!” Haha. I never had anyone touch my belly without asking, which is good cuz I wasn’t sure how I would respond. I did have one mean older lady at work tell me three times in my 2nd and 3rd trimesters that I didn’t look pregnant (I had a 10 pound 7 ounce baby: I looked very pregnant). But I was too sick to be mad the entire pregnancy. But this made me laugh. ❤️

Rebecca 9 months ago

I had the opposite problem with my OB. I have a slow thyroid (causing a slow metabolism) so the increased metabolism during pregnancy caused me to lose weight. I didn’t know about the thyroid issue at that point. I thought the weight loss was due to my inability to keep anything down. My doc kept lecturing me about dieting during pregnancy and telling me all of the horrible things my weight loss could do to my baby. I kept telling her that I wasn’t dieting and she all but called me a liar to my face. Pissed me off.

Lori 11 months ago

Same thing for me! EVERYONE and their dog told me I was having a boy. One even said that I must be having a boy because her girls stole her beauty from her (how sad!), but I still looked good. I had a beautiful baby girl – and I actually believe that my daughters don’t deprive me of beauty.

Julie 11 months ago

My mother talks to my belly button all the time, and in the weirdest voice, like she just doesn’t know how to be normal, I think it’s the excitement. I’m hoping she uses a more soothing voice once the baby comes, because I can see my baby crying if she uses that crazy voice. Lol.

Ashley 11 months ago

Lack of sleep made me skip the word “the” in the before the word “sex” in the reply of number 4. I was thinking replying sex to that question may be perfectly appropriate! lol

Jhaylin 11 months ago

I’m pregnant again wit a 7 month old and I’m so tired of people saying so you weren’t on birth control or you guys don’t use condoms. That’s personal information that has nothing to do with you. Obviously not if I’m pregnant again. Don’t ask me a question like that. It’s very rude and aggravating!

Katie Richardson 11 months ago

Omg I was four months pregnant and I had stopped working and people I used to work with wouldnsee me and say your haven’t had it yet?? Or are you still pregnant? I’d look at them stuid and say yh yeah still pregnant it takes 9 months not 4!!! Seriously people are so stupid sometime

laura 11 months ago

You forgot the number 11! The one where everyone needs to know your marital status, so they can judge you accordingly. Yes I’m married, but I don’t see how it matters…..

Nancy 11 months ago

These are all actual quotes from every 50+ man I have ever met while pregnant.

Cassidy 11 months ago

And by summertime I mean someone.haha

Cassidy 11 months ago

I’m totally going to ask those questions the next time summertime is nosy. Thanks!

Cassidy 11 months ago

I had a girl I worked with rub my belly strangely one time (as if any other time wasn’t weird…haha) and whispering. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied, “I’m giving her the gift of song.”

Of course I was weirded out, but I’m not joking when I say that my daughter definitely has the “gift of song” as far as singing and dancing goes. Six years later my husband and I still laugh about it!

PernRider 11 months ago

I got that when I was pregnant with my middle daughter. I’d already announced that I was NOT naming the baby after anyone in my family, his family, or my ex-husband’s family (I’m still close to them, especially since he’s my oldest’s father … and he has a HUGE family). I also said that I wanted a name that would be unique, because with a name like Anne, I’ve always shared mine with, oh, everyone: family members (three of them when I was born!), classmates (six others in my graduating class), coworkers … So I said that I wouldn’t do that to my daughter, she’d have her OWN name.

My sister-in-law spent over half of my pregnancy trying to convince me that I should name the baby after her.

BTW, my resolution not to name her after family is because my FIRST was named for HER late aunt. And just no, especially with regards to my mother-in-law’s (ongoing!) behavior with regards to parenting my child (I swear, I don’t share custody with my ex, I share it with his mother! Even my DAUGHTER says as much … )

When I told her repeatedly that I wasn’t naming the baby Nicole, either first OR middle, she then tried to guilt trip me. She had an aneurysm that was inoperable, and at the time, there was a chance it might rupture. She was convinced she was going to die any day. She tried to make me promise to name the baby for her if she died before she was born!! I told her I’d already named ONE child for a dead aunt, I wasn’t doing it again.

I have to wonder if that’s why she’s such an utter b!t¢h to me since then But then I remember that she’s like that to everyone.

And she’s still kicking nearly a decade later. At least she’s stopped trying to win the sympathy vote with her “oh I’m dying, you have to be nice to me no matter how horrible I am!” act …

Emily 12 months ago

Ugh, you know what? I don’t even mind people saying things like “Ahh look how big you are!” because yes, I am quite large. What gets me is when they follow it up with “Wow, yeah that’s definitely going to be a 10+ pounder!”

Really? I’m not scared enough of labour and delivery without the fear of having a monster baby added to it?

Mommaontherocks 1 year ago

Oh gawd how I needed this! Second pregnancy and I’m 4,500kms away from ANY family this time (no, no tears people. This is a GOOD thing)
I’ve had: “What, you’re too cheap to get a condom? The drugstore wasn’t open?” when announcing to my IN LAWS that we were pregnant with their first GRANDCHILD.
I was talking about how I didn’t get stretch marks until later in pregnancy and dear MIL turns to me and says “Well it’s not like you were going to be doing any swim-suit centerfolds anyways!”
Thanks.
When we found out we were pregnant with our next child all I got was:…”Are you serious? Oh well, it’s not like we’ll ever see THAT one either”.

Yay for people!

Jamie-Lynn 1 year ago

I was all all belly and had a girl too!

Jamie-Lynn 1 year ago

I always said I was going to go “OW!” and make them feel bad like they hurt me when they touched my belly but thankfully it never bothered me the people who did it.

Brittany 1 year ago

Not one of these things made me uncomfortable or pissed off when I was pregnant. Pregnancy is freaking cool, dude! I would totally want to touch my belly too! I totally get it.

Melissa 1 year ago

I was a DD pre-pregnancy and something like a J afterwards. I measured my daughter’s growth by comparing her head size to my boob size. At 3 1/2 her head has ALMOST caught up. Now expecting #2 in 5 weeks and thank all that’s holy they haven’t grown much this time. And my overall size? So freaking sick of the comments. Yes I’m a big girl, yes she’s a big girl and I have a lot of fluid. Those damn comments aren’t going to make either of us any damn smaller!!

Corinna 1 year ago

My absolute favourite question was “Do you know who the father is?” Seriously. I got this question maybe 30 times throughout my pregnancy. At first I would answer with a stunned “Of course I do.” I was so embarrassed that people would ask this and I wondered what they thought of me. I was 27, had always been in relationships that lasted years, why would they think I didn’t know? Eventually the answer turned to “What kind of fucking question is that?! No, seriously? Why would you EVER think you have the right to ask a woman that?” They’d usually just give a sheepish apology and leave. But a few brave souls would have that reaction and then just ask again only in a more “polite” tone!! Then I’d just leave.

lesbomom 1 year ago

Hahaha those are funny!!!

Anna 1 year ago

I was dreading shopping for nursing bras, but had kind of an odd experience when I went to Target. Pre-pregnancy, I was a DD, and they have OBVIOUSLY gotten bigger. I’m still a month out from delivery so I was looking for something cheap, comfy, and in-betweeny to wear from now until my milk comes in, and then maybe later as many people say that they deflate somewhat once your milk has settled into regular production. Anyway, I grabbed a DD from the same line that I always wear, except in a nursing bra. And not only did it not fit, it was comically oversized. I ended up walking out with a C.

Still not sure what the hell happened. I assumed I had grown a cup size at least – all of my pre-pregnancy DDs are too small for me to wear. So maybe nursing bras are sized differently?

Anna 1 year ago

I have actually only had one person (an older female friend) touch my belly without permission, and no stranger has even tried. I attribute this to my excellent resting bitch face. However, the pregnancy apparently makes me just approachable enough for strangers to chat with me – though I guess not to touch me, thank god. Just the other day, I was at the library and a librarian *who was not even checking out my books* came over from the other side of the desk to tell me about how she loves that maxi dresses are back in fashion because they hide her varicose veins and she hates shaving her legs.

Um, thanks for sharing?

Liliana Garcês 1 year ago

Isn’t it nice to know that one (!!!) pregnancy is enough to try each and everyone of this items? :)
I remember going to the hospital (my brother-in-law was sick) and I had an old lady who sat beside me and said “OH NO!!! You let him do that to you?! Do you know how much it hurts to make him come out?!” Now, I’d called that an”awkward moment” but then, 8 month pregnant, I was scared silly! And no, giving birth isn’t awful… It was the single most powerful moment of my life. 😉

Liliana Garcês 1 year ago

Hi! Nice one! I’ll pass that along to my 3 pregnant friends and I’ll see how it plays out! XD Great tip. 😉

Nuru 1 year ago

My”BFF” was the first person I told I was pregnant and she went on and on for over an hour about her pregnancy horror stories and never actually asked me how I was doing, feeling, etc.

#4-I didn’t realize that I was in such a minority, I didn’t want to know my baby’s gender (unless medically there was a reason) and it was amazing how many people thought I was nuts. What color is the nursery? (yellow) What if it’s a girl? (I’m a girl and I like yellow) What about your baby shower? (all sorts of stuff babies need that is not gender specific, like diapers and money) Aren’t you curious? (well of course I am! but I am more interested in his/her lung, heart, brain, spine, kidneys, etc…fyi he/she is perfect)

I kept hearing women talk about strangers touching them and that never happened to me but I had always figured if someone did I would just rub their bellies too, seems fair.

Because I was older (38) with my first, there was a lot of assumption that we had fertility issues from strangers and I did tell one woman who asked if it took us long to get pregnant “nope, the usual 3 minutes” the look of confusion and then embarrassment was priceless. I also got very annoyed when people would ask me why we waited so long to have a baby and I would tell people I was only waiting the usual 9 months.

Ask any question that starts with “Are you planning to…” Have a natural birth, breastfeed, co-sleep, go back to work, work right up until, have your mom move in, get a midwife, a doula, c-section, home birth, take classes, do yoga…followed by a lecture about why or why not I absolutely should do or not do whatever it was you just asked me.

Anna 1 year ago

And if you’re the woman’s doctor, it’s totally okay to radiate disapproval when you find out that the pregnancy was unplanned. Because, you know, your patient just told you that she has a Master’s degree and has been married for a number of years (so presumably knows how to use birth control), and that the baby’s a little sooner than they planned but they’re still excited about it. At the next appointment, you can lecture her for not gaining enough weight right after she’s told you that she can’t seem to stop throwing up and that the anti-nausea medication isn’t working, and suggest that she try eating something that always makes her feel sick. 😛

Stacey 1 year ago

These are all great. Worst moment ever with number 5. I had a compete stranger with my first pregnancy asking me questions about my conception, being far too personal and the creep was like “oh yeah.. that juicy love”. Again, worst moment ever. I couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable.

Kimberly Furnell 1 year ago

You’re awesome.

S 1 year ago

I’ve received the flip side. I still fit into the same size pant if I really wanted to squeeze, but of course being 7 months along I can’t fit my belly in. That’s fine. My legs are still the same as are my hips save for a little bit of normal swelling… well one guy came in and said “wow that little one is really making you spread!” EXCUSE ME? I already feel as big as a house because my bulging belly is in the way of everything at work… was that necessary? Even if I DID gain some weight… never ever say that to a pregnant woman! lol

S 1 year ago

Wow neenee, you are being a bit of a bitch yourself. Whether or not a woman is defensive or upset over something someone said, WHO CARES?! What exactly is it to YOU? You may think you’re a saint, but by the way you’re typing on here you’re just like everyone else. Sorry to disappoint.

rose 2 years ago

when i was 38 weeks with a huge belly, my midwife would ask me every week until i finally had my baby at 42 weeks, ”still no baby? geeze…” i wanted to give her a high five…in the face…with a chair…every fucking week ^_^

TheBaxter 2 years ago

Troll-tastic.

Michelle Britton 2 years ago

Why are you even on this site then?

diolkisceld 2 years ago

__________________________________

Deanne 2 years ago

I’m a mom of 5, 4 boys and 1 girl, with the boys coming first. With my last, and final, pregnancy, everyone asked what I was having. When I answered a girl, I always got “Couldn’t stop until you had a girl?!?”, or “Are you Catholic”, or my other fave (sarcasm here) “Do they all have the same father?!?” I got to the point where when people would start to ask about my pregnancy, I would just look at them and say “Yes, I know what causes it, No, I’m not Catholic, Yes, they all have the same father, and Yes, they are all wanted, planned or not!” People’s rudeness and stupidity knows no bounds!!!

Shonna 2 years ago

People routinely ask how far along I am, but when I would I tell them they’d ALWAYS respond with “Wow, are you having twins?” I have one of those bellies that is showing big for sure, and I’m sure people don’t mean to make me feel self conscious, but it’s awkward to have to say “nope, not twins, my belly is just gigantic.” So, I have now learned to head them off at the pass and answer, “I know I look like I’m due next week, but I actually have 3 months to go. Crazy right?” It works much better, because they immediately go into reassuring mode and tell me not to worry, I look great, or it’s all belly.

Jessica Mack Simerl 2 years ago

When I was pregnant with my first a waitress asked how far along I was, rubbed my belly, commented on my choice of biscuits and gravy and a taco, then told me that she was currently miscarrying and had been hoping that hers was a girl, like mine. It was the most awkward moment of my life.

Frances Assefa 2 years ago

stupid, ignorant, annoying people who can't shut up when it comes to how you look and weigh. may they become pregnant at 1000lbs and become so ugly and people around them tell them how theyre going to have a boy because theyre ugly and fat! ehfgu;awehfg;iosehv;ioshvs!!!!

Krystyn Wukitsch Foran 2 years ago

I had to do that too several times! most often while in BabiesRUs or one of those stores

Robin 2 years ago

I met my husband when I was 17, we married five years later, and got pregnant (planned) within a year after that. Apparently I still looked like a teen mom to a lot of people because oh, the invasive questions I got from complete strangers or acquaintances! “Is the dad still in the picture?” (Considering we’ve lived together for six years and are married, I’m fairly sure he’s intending to stick around.) “How did your baby daddy react?” (Thrilled, we’ve been together six years and it was planned.) “Are you going to finish school?” (You mean university? I graduated high school half a decade ago.) “How did your parents react?” (They’re really excited about a new grand-kid.) “Are you going to give it up for adoption?” (Why in the world would we give up a planned baby?)

The worst though was a woman who came up to me in a store when my son was about a month old. I was a zombie, out of my head with sleep deprivation, pushing him in a stroller through the store at 7 AM because I was desperately hoping he’d fall asleep. (I usually wore him in a wrap, but if he fell asleep in there then he’d always wake up when I removed the wrap.)

This stupid, thoughtless woman came up to me, clasped my wrists with her manicured hands, and said earnestly while looking me full in the eyes, “THANK YOU for CHOOSING LIFE, honey.”

I was too exhausted to do anything but stare at her in bafflement, so she continued, “I know there’s so much pressure on young women to kill their babies. You did the right thing.”

It finally sank in. I managed to say, “Oh. F*** you.” Not my best retort ever, but I was too tired to come up with anything better.

She got all offended and stormed off. After I got some sleep and thought about the encounter when I woke up, I was pretty offended too and wished I could have another chance at telling her off. If she’d caught me when I was awake enough to think, the result would have made her ears burn for weeks!

Bunny 2 years ago

Well, this just hit spot on. I admit I’m even swatting away my kids’ and husband’s hands when they rub my tummy. It is so uncomfortable and the kid kicks enough that I don’t want folks prodding and stimulating that extra cervix punt. Yet I am more irritated with things like asking me if my child was an accident – Nope, I knew if we had sex this could happen – or when they ask me if I am done having kids. That is a seriously intimate and personal question and to be honest, just to spite you, the answer is: I’m aspiring to become the next Dugger family. The size is another huge issue. I’m so sick of people making snide remarks because of my size and how my excitement over my size is not noteworthy. Excuse me, let me have a conversation with my body about its inappropriate size and we will get this all sorted out easily. I’m certain. Horror stories of birth, I have my own and I have some from my mother, aunts and sister to share as well. Shall I also tell you about my mom’s breeding dog whose pups got stuck in the birthing canal – there is a doosie for you. I saw someone in comments mention parking – people who take the expectant mother parking, they have a carseat in the back but no kid with them today, they are on crutches, the disabled slots are full, they are just too lazy, and well they won’t be getting fined for it so who cares if a high risk mama who has a 2lb baby’s head nestled into her pelvis has to walk an extra 30 feet to the store. Not like pregnancy makes you tired or anything…

Abby 2 years ago

ass-clown-charlie-brown…hahaha, I was dying. I just love when people ask if I have decided on a name and then look at me disapprovingly. Of course it doesn’t go all over me and I definitely don’t end up giving them a sarcastic comeback.

Bonnie Emmenegger 2 years ago

Park too close to her car. I was 8-9 months pregnant and ended up crawling through the passenger side because I couldn't fit through the tiny space they left me. I was so furious I wanted to crawl back out just to leave them a nasty note.

Marina Christine Friedrich 2 years ago

Every one of those happened to me in the midst of the three we had! All I could think was "really?….yes and please DON'T TOUCH ME! I did not become public property the moment my child was conceived!" I need to get over this, my youngest "child" is going to be 23! :) Great article!

Margie Viers 2 years ago

Too funny! My friend and I were discussing names when we were both pregnant and she said they were thinking of Scarlett for a girl, but her mother had said, "it rhymes with harlot!" Then my friend asked what our girl name was… Charlotte. We just sat there and laughed. Her mom got a twofer with one stone.

dW 2 years ago

Dear lord, I’ll be 35 when my second comes. Those people must think I’m the Cryptkeeper.

Pgw 2 years ago

This is funny stuff. However i have to say lighten up on being offended by someone telling you “you’re so big”. You’re pregnant – you’re supposed to be big. The bigger the better! You have another life growing inside you. I never saw this as offensive when I was huge for each of my three pregnancies. One time, i told a beautifully big pregnant woman how big her belly was; she was cute, because she was very fit and had this bag of basketballs sticking out from her petite frame. Then I overheard her telling her friend about the crazy lady who had just insulted her with what I had meant as a compliment.

It’s like telling a new mom how cute and chubby her new baby is – the chubbier the better. Enjoy being big when you are pregnant, you are growing a another human being, or beings!

Susan 2 years ago

When I was 37, my husband (48 at the time) and I decided to try for our third (and final) child. I got pregnant pretty quickly and he’s now 4 years old. His older siblings are 14 and 11, and not a month goes by that someone doesn’t ask if he was a surprise or an ‘oops’ baby… I got the same reaction when I was pregnant.

Megan Rankin 2 years ago

Ew, I had this girl working at a booth at the fair tell me how much she "loves a big, fat pregnant girl." Wasn't sure if she meant that as a compliment, but she finished it off by touching me multiple times. I guess people think its okay to touch a total stranger when they're pregnant.

Melinda 2 years ago

I think I did my pregnant friends a disservice. When they asked about L&D, I would say, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. You go in, push a baby out of your lady bits, and you go home. No biggie.” Do you think they believed me?

Jyliec 2 years ago

If u are on welfare and pregnant I find u disgusting. If u have kids with different fathers I find u disgusting. I cannot stand pregnant women. I have no interest on u. It’s beyond me why anyone would notice u or care.

Brina 2 years ago

Yeah I got a lot of these while pregnant with my son. Granted I was only 18 but I graduated high school at 17. I had been out of high school for a year when I got pregnant but was constantly asked if I was going to drop out. The other thing that grated my nerves was when overly religious people would grab my belly and start praying for my ‘bastard child’ because I didn’t have a ring on my finger! Even now though, at 23 and having my 4 year old son (he was born just days before my 19th bday), I’m asked how hard high school is with a child in tow. :/ Really people?

Emily 2 years ago

Seriously. I refuse to tell anyone the names now, because honestly, every time I tell anyone, they get weird looks on their faces, say, “I don’t know about that…” Or “Don’t name them that…” Or give me a suggestion.

My mother literally did almost all of the things on this list. Gave me name suggestions, told me how ‘hard’ it’s going to be, and constantly reminds me. She also asked how this could have possibly happened, since she thought I was ‘supposed to be on birth control’. Seriously pissed me off. I am 26 years old and married. Don’t ask me ‘how this happened’!

robyn 2 years ago

my favorite pregnancy moment was the midwife visit at 38 weeks.
“We may have to induce. I mean, your belly is HUGE!”
i only wish i had smacked her upside the head while i still had the hormone excuse to back me up.

lisa 2 years ago

I love this sight… had to comment on this one. I named my daughter after my mother in law :)

Lisa 2 years ago

I had a woman come up to me and start touching my stomach. I told her she had 1.2 seconds to remove her hands or get punched in the nose. She ran away.

Kati 2 years ago

My favorite is when I am six months pregnant and hear “You don’t look pregnant!” So what this extra weight and round belly, I just look fat? Thanks…STFU!! Say congrats and move on keep the comments to yourself!

Theresa 2 years ago

“you still haven’t had that baby?!”, “no, I’m being selfish and keeping him to myself as long as I can.”

While I’m drinking a six oz cuppa coffee:
“oh isn’t it great how good moms can give up something that might hurt their baby?”
they should have been there while I did my line of coke. (yes I’m joking).

Husband and I go out for a sushi lunch, oh the stares you endure and whispers uttered with a mega-phone. I’m almost there, nothing else sounded good, I ordered the deep fried something and didn’t anyone know that ginger and wasabi has antiseptic properties? No? Then stop trying to be Japanese you haku-jin.

Joyce 2 years ago

This is hilarious! I’m so glad I found this website. I’m due on March first and no one in either of our families knows, so none of this has happened yet. I cannot fathom why people would randomly touch a pregnant person’s stomach! One thing I have also noticed is that so many people with multiple children tell new mothers “Just wait ’til you have two” or “Just wait until one is in school”. That annoys me so much. Thanks, but NO. I will not “Just wait”. I will enjoy or bemoan each stage no matter what it brings. “Just waiting” is for the birds.

M 2 years ago

Funny. Except #3. What if she told you it took 5 miscarriages to get a hopefully healthy one? That would be my answer, and trust me, it’d be a buzz killer for anyone trying to piss off a pregnant woman. In fact, I’d only recommend asking that question if you’re a truly hateful person, because odds are you might be talking to a woman who has had an incredibly painful experience to finally be (and hopefully have) a healthy child.

Aleah Wiese 2 years ago

When I got pregnant with our middle daughter my mother in law was waiting for a liver transplant and was very sick. We decided to name our daughter after her (Jane) and call her Jaynie. After she was born my father in law & his horrible girlfriend came to see her and had the nerve to ask if they could call her by her middle name so they didn't have to say "her" name. Absolutely not!! Grow up!

Aleah Wiese 2 years ago

Love this!!

Ray Knitterman Whiting 2 years ago

glad I'm not pregnant now. :-)

Allison 2 years ago

Honestly just reading that pissed me off. lol

Courtney Christine Buhrman 2 years ago

Pretty much spot on.

Amanda 2 years ago

You need to have someone with a camera following you around when this phase starts. Omg that is hilarious.

Amanda 2 years ago

I found out I was pregnant with twins in January of 2008. So of course I got all of these. Both my older sisters had had twins as well so I got to hear all about how my one sister managed a natural birth (I told my doctor right from the start if she didn’t give the order ahead of time for me to have a C Section I would find another doctor who WOULD) and I also recalled how my other sister’s belly got so big she barely fit through doorways and I had to tie her shoes for her when she came to visit….

For me, the belly touching was so annoying I developed “Kung Fu Hands”. Anyone who even looked like they might try to touch my belly were treated to my best impression of Poe from “Kung Fu Panda” and God forbid if they were still stupid enough to reach out a hand to try anything. For some reason, strangers think it’s OK to touch a pregnant woman’s belly. I have no idea why. I carried very high almost the entire time I had my two little freeloaders onboard and had no qualms smacking hands. Eventually I must have been radiating “Don’t Touch Me” vibes.

On a positive note the “Kung Fu Hands” came in useful when my twins arrived early and my son had to spend his first month living in the NICU. His sister was released 2 weeks before him so I carted her back and forth from home twice a day to feed and care for him. Now I generally assume that people in the hospital are there because something is wrong, or because they either are employed to work with people who have something wrong with them or have been visiting people who have something wrong with them. Now I realize a lot of those “somethings” were likely things weren’t contagious. But as a SLEEP DEPRIVED OVER PROTECTIVE NEW MOTHER of an OBVIOUS PREEMIE who’s only been out of the hospital for a FEW DAYS (and before I was struck pregnant I had been a cop for 6 years so defensive tactics were nothing new to me)…. Well let’s just say more than a few people got their hands slapped. Hard.

Betcha they never did anything so stupid ever again though so hey, a bonus for the pregnant gals or over protective new mothers who came after me!

Jessica Pollock 2 years ago

especially 6 7 and 8!

Jessica 2 years ago

My favorite this time around was from my former employer asking me, at 3 months mind you, what EXACTLY my birth plan was and when I would be having the babies, or think I’m having the babies. YEA, let me refer to my uterus and get back to you on that one. We all totally know when our kids come on out!!! Hey twins, give me a heads up before making the big exit why don’t ya!

Ambria 2 years ago

Ugh. I don’t even want to think about how awful bra shopping is going to be. It was hard enough finding my size (32 DDD) to begin with.

Jodi 2 years ago

#4 – Let’s not forget about those who chose to not find out what they’re having be judgy to those who choose to find out. Someone walked up to me, asked me if we were finding out the gender, when I said “yes”, this person proceeded to give me a thumbs down and yell “BOO!!!”.

Dad to Be 2 years ago

Things that piss me off as a soon-to-be father.

#4 – When I say “we didn’t find out” it’s as if I’ve committed a felony. I have just resorted to saying “boy” because it causes the least amount of follow up questions. I just say sh!t like “I hope he’s a lefty like momma so he’ll have a hell of a future in the big leagues as a pitcher” and they shut up. Why not “girl?” Because then I get the “oh, you are gonna hate your f#cking life, man!!!” (usually from the d0uche who has ZERO children and still can’t get a date; a real-subject matter expert if there ever was one.

#2 – I don’t have to deal with it face to face like my wife, but I’ve received 12 texts today asking if the baby arrived yet. As if I wouldn’t have plastered that sh!t ALL over Facebook as soon as it happened. The only legitimate excuse for checking in was from my brother; he is currently on a cross-country flight in a helicopter from Alaska to California and was in Canadian Airspace in the Rockies. He was not in touch with civilization for 3 days. Legit concern. All others? F#ck off.

#9 – Where do you think I came up with names Clutch MacGyver -and- Sledge Rockwell? I knew the endless rotisserie of names would be coming our way so I used those as a force-field to defuse conversation before they even started.

-and lastly…

#7 – I DON’T F#CKING CARE. Do you think that I’m completely incompetent as a human being to care for my wife and child upon the arrival of my baby? My father and mother took care of 3 boys during the early 80’s recession and Reganomics in their early 20’s with no f#cking pot to piss in. I’m 33, have proven time and again that I cannot only wipe my own a$$, but carry the load of about 120 employees at my company as well; not to mention visit 18 foreign countries, lead soldiers in an Iraqi battlefield, live abroad and throughout the USA, graduate from college and go for my Masters, own two houses and not miss mortgage payments, coach two HS track teams “just because”, and much more… but this giant change will be way too much for me to handle!! Granted, things will be changing, but not enough for me to go cry in the corner and worry about this “demon-spawn that is about to erupt from my wife and ruin our lives FOREVER”!!!!!!

Kelly 2 years ago

Can I add “get between a pregnant woman and the fridge” and “get
between a pregnant woman and the bathroom?” They are kind of interchangeable, but depending on the day, do these things and your life will end. I remember being 6 months pregnant, driving home from a car trip with a full bladder, almost home, but hit every… single… motherf#cking red light and was VERY prepared to ram, smash, or otherwise drive over everyone and thing in my sight… lol.

Ruth Sheldon 2 years ago

I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in my life or rolled my eyes quite so often reading some of the comments.
I have 3 older sisters, 2 nieces, a mother and Mil who had all had kids before me so I was open to advice but I got a lot of horror stories and worse yet people demanding that I not get an epidural and whatever you do, make sure you have a doola and a midwife etc.
Most of it I took with a grain of salt and just smiled and said “I’ll keep that in mind” but when my mother told me about her horror story about her epidural I said, ‘Mom, first of all it’s been 30 years since you got yours. Times have changed. Secondly, I”m getting a walking epidural.” “What the heck is a walking epidural?” *facepalm* I love my mom.

second story and favorite, I went to the restroom at a mcdonald’s when I was very pregnant and this girl said loudly “if I ever get so fat I can’t close my clothes over my enormous gut, I’m getting Lypo” I’m like, “excuse me, I’m pregnant. in about a month and a half, I’ll have a baby and my ‘enormous gut’ will be gone, and you’ll still be a rude idiot.” and I walked out. I have no problem being confrontational. Bring on the stupidity!

Suz 2 years ago

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suz 2 years ago

Number 9 – *sigh*
We had planned on calling out first born Izaac and we told our parents. Literally every phone call I got from my mother she would ask “have you thought of any other names?” “No mum, we like Izaac”
Eventually she just started asking “have you thought of any BETTER names?”.
Needless to say we don’t speak anymore.

Suz 2 years ago

Same thing happened to me Kate. The doctors sent me to a dietician claiming I couldn’t possible be eating properly if I was so big. The dietician had a look at my eating diary and asked “why have they sent you? The only thing you need to alter is halve the milk drink you have at morning tea to 200 mls and this is practically a perfect meal plan”. My husband was training for a marathon at the time and he did all my meal/food prep (as I was too tired and lazy) so I was literally eating the perfect meal plan and still the doctors went on and on about my weight. It all came off pronto post birth.

neenee 2 years ago

awwww did I press a sore button after you had something to say, you started the name calling. I am obviously a very assertive woman, the big difference is that I don’t allow strangers to cause me grief due to their bitchiness. As for having a pass for anything, YES I do have a pass, I have several in fact, now I suggest you get the sand out of your vagina and move on as I plan to do…your obvious retarded retort isn’t required…I SAID GOOD DAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jen 2 years ago

So being judgemental and demeaning towards others for taking things to heart is better than being defensive over rude, hurtful comments? Come on- it seems to me you are just looking for a reason to call any woman who doesn’t allow people to treat them poorly a bitch. I am sure you’ve had your struggles, as we all have. That doesn’t give you a pass to call emotional, over taxed women “bitches” for asserting themselves.

neenee 2 years ago

YES jen, I am a saint compared to others. As you have just proven, it doesn’t matter what the situation, there is always some snarky grump ass with her panties in a twist. I find that in this world there are so many people looking for a reason to be annoyed, insulted or just plain retarded for the least little reason. life is too short and the world is hard enough to navigate without looking for reasons to be miserable. Maybe it’s my age and having gone through 3 difficult pregnancies with babies that arrived weighing over 11 pounds each or having survived breast cancer and walking around with no breasts and having others look at me like i’m some kind of freak show. This generation is just using every excuse they can to hate others and get attention.

neenee 2 years ago

Just ignore the stomach and see how quick they get mad then…there is a no win no matter how nice you are to a pregnant person it seems. I usually says grats and carry on and that sometimes pisses them off. I was pregnant three times and never used my pregnancies as an excuse to be a bitch. Yes people can be rude but over all I think pregnancy is still a wonderful thing and there are no set guidelines of how to act around a pregnant person. I have had a double mastectomy and chose not to have reconstruction and you would not believe the stares or the questions I have gotten over that, I still maintain my dignity…makes the problems with being pregnant and the attention it gets like a cakewalk compared to having no boobs at all. things can always be worse

Jen 2 years ago

Honestly, the tummy patterns didn’t bother me. I HATED people constantly telling me which names they liked and hated, though. Often times, they unwittingly insulted me by making fun of a family name. (I have a huge family and was considering family names for both kids.)

By far, the worst was when people would gasp as if it was terrible that I was pregnant with baby #2. Or when they would tell me how guilty I would feel for deriving my first by having another so soon.

Jen 2 years ago

…. Well, aren’t you a saint.

Lisa 2 years ago

So true! Love this! #2, asking her over and over, “You’re STILL here?” Totally happened to me at work with my first pregnancy. It was soooooo very annoying. Everyone wanted to talk about my pregnancy ALL the time. And of course I had to pee like every hour or less so I was constantly leaving my office, dreading the walk to the bathroom on how many people would just go on and on about how pregnant I was and how amazing it was I was still at work. I worked up until my due date totally fine. I could have kept going (son was 10 days late and I was never uncomfortable– and it was Aug! needless to say, in the end he was a c-sec!) I literally went on leave early because I was so tired of being at work with everyone asking me all day long how I could possibly still be there. I learned that first time around NEVER tell your co-workers your actual due date, give like 30 extra days so they’ll leave you alone about it. That and, “How are you feeling???” I wanted a t-shirt that said– “I feel FINE!” just so I didn’t have to keep answering the question over and over. “I have a brain, though slightly impaired, and can talk about something work related, seriously!” …. This list hit close to home, so funny!

Laura 2 years ago

I was a very full D before I got pregnant. I grew 2 cup sizes in the first 3 weeks after finding out I was pregnant (ouch) and have added yet another cup size since. For those of you playing along at home, that’s a G – and my milk hasn’t come in yet. Shoot me now.

For anyone looking, I had the best luck finding bras at Lane Bryant. The band sizes start at 36 (sorry skinny ladies) and they have extended cup sizes. The ones I have aren’t my favorites ever, but they get the job done and didn’t cost me an arm and a leg. The only hitch is you have to buy online for much of the selection, but they make in-store returns easy so you can just buy anything that might work and return the rejects.

Motherunit 2 years ago

I had my kids in 1980 & 1981. Back then, the gender was usually a surprise, as they didn’t routinely do ultrasounds. People would ask, “Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?” My standard answer to that one was, “yes.”
HATED the tummy-patters, especially total strangers. I got very big with my second one, and everybody had to weigh in on just how many babies might be in there. Some things never change. People still say the most ignorant things to a pregnant woman.

Nerium 2 years ago

I’m 21 weeks with my first and most of these have happened. My mom talks (yells) through my belly button while shaking my stomach and then gets upset that she can never, EVER, feel it moving.

A couple good ones to add would be “Ask where the father is and/or what happened to him” and “Tell her exactly where her child should sleep after three days”

Cindy 2 years ago

I have been asked a few times “are you still pregnant” Or “Hasn’t that thing come out yet?” Actually most of your list has happened to me! Including the “You know how that happend right?” Most of it asked and done by my…… FATHER! My husband usually just laughs and joins in! Needless to say my husband and I sleep on separate couches (for the last 2 years)

P 2 years ago

Everyone and their dog told me I was having a boy because I was carrying all out in front – strangers even stopped me in the street to tell me (wtf?). I thought I was having a girl but everyone was so sure I started to believe them.
We had a beautiful baby girl. Ha, I was glad they were all wrong – only because they had all annoyed me so much, not because I had any preference!

ziggy 2 years ago

iwas told that they must have been wrong about my due date .iwent to the hospital at 9 am they said your baby is only about 5-6 pounds and you have another month to go I returned at 9 pm that night and delivered a 9 pound 13 oz baby

Erin 2 years ago

I’d like to add this question to the list. I work in a restaurant and have been asked by two people on two separate occasions, “do you know who the father is?”( I wear a wedding band.)

Louisa 2 years ago

I always wanted to reply to the “you must be close / you look ready to burst” with “yes, and when are you due?” figured it would work equally well for large women or men… never quite brave enough to try it though!

K 2 years ago

I get the exact opposite. My husband and I have the problem of being extremely fertile. We have a 3 year old, a 2 year old (15 months apart) and I’m due with twins any day now. Most people comment on how close together they are and, “did you plan to have them so close?” And, “oh, wow, you are going to be one busy mom!” Etc.

K 2 years ago

I’m about to have twins and those are questions I often get when people find out.

And asking if they are IVF or real? What are IVF babies not REAL babies?

K 2 years ago

I agree, it didn’t matter if we had picked the names or not, we do NOT tell the baby’s name until after they are born. We tell everyone the sex though. I have family who want’s to buy things for the babies and I prefer clothing and accessories to match the gender.

This time around whenever people ask us if we have picked out names, I just answer that we haven’t decided on names yet. Then I get the annoying comment, “Well, you need to decide soon, these babies aren’t going to wait until you pick out names for them.” (Or some similar comment.)

K 2 years ago

So funny. For my 3rd pregnancy, I went to the Dr. when I was 11 weeks 1 day along, I told him how far along I was and that I know it sounds crazy, but I felt the baby move 3 days ago. He then looked at me and said, “Let’s do an ultrasound to make sure you are as far along as you think you are.”

I said, “Ok, but I know how far along I am, and I was right about my first 2 children’s due dates.” I figured, at least I could see the baby.

Once we saw the screen, I couldn’t believe it. It was twins! I knew how far along I was, but that was a total surprise.

K 2 years ago

Wow! That’s funny!

K 2 years ago

I get all of those comments and questions too. I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old and I’m about to have twins in a couple of weeks.

I LOVE your comment about your husband not figuring it out yet! I think I’ll have to start using that one!

K 2 years ago

That one was the worst! Someone asked me (5 days after my daughter was born) when I was due.

K 2 years ago

After having my first child, my 5 day old baby was in the nursery at church and someone asked when the baby was due. I just looked at her and said that she was born 5 days ago. It was a little embarrassing for both of us. What else would I have said though, they were going to announce it in the service in a few minutes.

K 2 years ago

My husband likes to waddle in front of my like a penguin when we are out in public. I don’t worry about it, it just makes him look like a jerk for making fun of his pregnant wife.

BabyDaddy 2 years ago

They forgot one:

“Do you know who the father is?”

Michelle 2 years ago

The best thing is just to come up with some really fun come backs like when they rub your belly rub their chest and when they freak out say oh I sorry I thought we were admiring the inner workings of the human body. The heart is really amazing. Or if total strangers comment on your size tell them thanks for commenting on my tumor. If they ask about fertility ask them if different positions count.

Miranda 2 years ago

Oh #6. I am at 11 weeks and I play slow-pitch softball. Let me repeat: SLOW-pitch SOFTball. Every day someone says, “I can’t believe you’re still playing sports!” or “You’re not playing softball anymore, are you??” Yes, actually, I am. Is that any of your business? It’s quite infuriating. My favorite is “What if the ball hits your belly?” I’ve been playing for 4 years and I have never once been hit in the belly. I play catcher. Which, in slow-pitch, means I do basically nothing except throw the ball back to the pitcher. Don’t even catch it because it hits the ground first.
Hmm. That little rant felt good.

ashley 2 years ago

28 weeks….”are you having twins?” “can i touch?” “it seems like youve been pregnant forever.” “wow! you still have a ways to go”(my most hated comment btw) and older ladies being like…” iused to smoke, drink, ect, dr. tell you that you cant do anything…it was never like that for me…” that was also 40 years ago…. grrrrrr…

NeeNee 2 years ago

I find that a lot of pregnant woman just love having the excuse of having so much attention laid on them just so they can grumble and gripe later. I went through three pregnancies and births and not once did I let someone else’s rudeness or ignorance get to me. I adored the concern of my friends and family and just ignored all the rest as politely as I could. Being pregnant didn’t give me license to become a total bitch. If anyone offered me advice or wanted to tell their “war” stories of their pregnancies I let it bounce right off of me because i accepted the fact that everyone I met was also excited for me to be having a baby, and if they weren’t, then I avoided them. No one has the right, especially strangers to heap unwanted attention on to you when you are pregnant but I think it’s nice to know that the thought of a precious new life coming in to the world still manages to get people excited for the most part.

Bobbiann 2 years ago

How about, “I heard you were pregnant; congratulations!”

Renee 2 years ago

Condom, what’s a condom? You mean there is something that could have prevented this. OMG, why don’t they teach this in school. Oh wait they do? Well why wasn’t I listening? Oh probably because I was busy being a tramp!!! (Said with heavy sarcasm!) People are absolutely NUTS…. ask how her last breast exam went or maybe her last pap. If it was a guy see if he’s had his protology exam recently. Like honestly, how do they get through life being so friggin NOSEY!

Katie 2 years ago

I actually started smacking people’s hands away when they would touch my belly. I used the excuse that it was a reflex action.

Tesh 2 years ago

I would deny being pregnant to make them feel bad for assuming. Even if glaringly obvious.

Bridget 2 years ago

This would have been funnier if it had been proofread. The run-on sentences and lack of commas was a little distracting. That being said, I am so sick of my extended family telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat. I have GDM (and I am not the typical case- underweight before pregnancy, didn’t gain much weight during, blah blah blah). If my father-in-law comments one more time on what I’m eating, I’m not allowing my husband to talk to him about food ever again!

Margaret 2 years ago

I have a friend who threatened to say her butt had gotten bigger also. Did they want to pat it as well? I don’t know if she ever did it but……

Sarah 2 years ago

I had kind of the opposite… I gained a TON of weight even though I didn’t eat that much junk. My doctor was always pretty much calling me a liar and then told me to expect my baby to be approx 9lbs. My son was born barely above six lbs and we were both extremely healthy. Doctors make me crazy sometimes!!

Lorie Shewbridge 2 years ago

This is too hysterical. I’ve actually had people do every single one of these things to me when I was pregnant. People are SO rude sometimes. I have learned to never do any of these to another person, especially touching a pregnant woman – ICK!!

Trena 2 years ago

So if you ARE Jewish, there IS medical reason for that “torture”??? Some people are soooo RUDE!!!

Nice response. :)

Trena 2 years ago

I got the same comments!!! My older 2 are 17 months apart and when they were about 1 & 2.5, people used to ask if they were twins…REALLY?!?
I did wait until #2 was 3 before we talked about another child, but #4 was a COMPLETE surprise…”Don’t you know what causes that?” I started answering that he (youngest) was the .01% on the Trojan box…LOVED that reaction!!! lol

Ashley C 2 years ago

he woulda gotten mule kicked halfway across the store

Ashley C 2 years ago

So help me God if someone came up to me and did any of this….I might be a mommy in training, but I’m still me and I’ll seriously punch them in the solar plexus and then when they’re on the ground gasping for air…I’ll stand over them with my pregnant belly and say “your mom should have taught you way better manners!” People rub my belly NOW and I don’t like it. I mean yeah I’m pregnant and yeah its cute, but PLEASE stop touching me!

Katie 2 years ago

I had a surprise pregnancy, and someone honestly said to me “Oh, did the condom break?” ARE YOU SERIOUS? How is that any of your business, ever? Wtf???

charlene 2 years ago

I have two children my daughter Lilyrose 3 will be 4 in june and my son Alexander2 wil be 3 in july and we are currently expecting our third and last baby in May eventhough i have my two children already ppl still ask me stupid questions like are u ready? What are you gonna do ? Do u take vitamins ?can i touch your belly ? And the best one of all that somebody asked me do all of your children have the same father? Also why are you so mad your pregnant you dont have anything to be mad about? Are you gonna have meds when you deliver cause it hurts the babt says the man who has never pushed out a baby smh

The Next Step 2 years ago

when pregnant with my first child, I worked with a man who asked me *every* single time I saw him, “How are the twins?” – he was making a joke that I was carrying twins, but the first time he asked I was SO flabbergasted because I thought he was referencing my boobs.

baby #2, turned out to be twins.

Sara 2 years ago

So I have a great question, how is it that I do none of these things, and yet every pregnant woman I have ever known has immediately become vicious towards me. It’s to the point where I can tell if another woman is pregnant, because as soon as I enter a room, I get viciously verbally assaulted. (This is actually exactly how I discovered my sister was pregnant a month before even she knew…) I don’t even have to say anything, just be in the room, minding my own business. I’m terrified of becoming pregnant myself and ending up he same way. Is there some kind of “anti-pregnancy hormone” that makes this happen? Is there something about me that makes only pregnant women mad at me?

Tiffany 2 years ago

I’ve got another one…. “You’re going to miss being pregnant!”… hmm.. the contant acid reflux, pelvis pain, back pain, swollen ankles and feet, karate kicks to the cervix, night sweats… Not so much…

Also, it was always out plan to adopt our second child, after having conceived our first… and people keep assuming it is because of an uncomfortable pregnancy… “oh you will change your mind!”… um no, this was a decision we made BEFORE I got pregnant, and after the difficulties, it is totally cemented. Please stop telling me how I should build my family!

Tiffany 2 years ago

me too!!!!! I don’t think I have slept more then 3 hours a night in the last 2 months! (currently 39 weeks) and I kept getting the “You think you’re tired now…” Yeah, when baby is here, I will still not be getting much sleep, but I wont have to go to work, and deal with people all day!

Tiffany 2 years ago

My hubby does it on purpose. He calls me fatty in public, just to see peoples reactions, and plays whale sounds on his phone when I get in and out of bed… he’s such a charmer!

Tiffany 2 years ago

This one drives me crazy! I’m at 39 weeks, and the other day my mom called me (at work) and the first thing she asked was if my water had broken… yes mom, and I am such a dedicated worker that I am still at the office, sitting at my desk!

I also got a text from a friend when I didn’t comment on a facebook post asking if I was ok, and when I told her I was watching TV, she asked me where… uh… on my couch… in my living room…

Tiffany 2 years ago

The gender thing here too!! I had people begging me to find out… even asking if they can find out, if they promise not to tell me…

Also, the grandmas were scrutinizing ultrasound pics to see if they could see a little penis… Just wait and see, will ya?

Tiffany 2 years ago

OMG me too! I am a week from my due-date and people keep telling me I am carrying high… really? Cause that head in my pelvis has been hitting my cervix for the last 2 months!!

And I am told all the time that it must be a boy, cause I’m all in front… Um… thanks?

AmyZ 2 years ago

I used to take the wrist, and hand them their hand back, saying “I think you misplaced this.”

Kristen Brakeman 2 years ago

Love these. After three pregnancies I think I’ve heard/experienced all these things. It doesn’t help that when you’re pregnant you tend to be easily annoyed either. People mean well, but pretty much anything they say can set off a pregnant woman’s rage! I’m still irked that someone asked me, “How can you feed that diet coke to the baby you’re carrying?” (And that was 17 years ago)
In retrospect, I should have poured it on the guy’s head.

Suzanne @ Mixing It Up 2 years ago

I must be way laid back because none of these really bothered me with either of my pregnancies. Actually, I was quite proud when I would turn around and someone would say, “I couldn’t even tell you were pregnant from behind”. I guess maybe if I had gotten the “huge” comments, my mind would be changed, lol!!

Anita 2 years ago

My favorite was- “you know, you really should have had your kids closer together.” Umm, yeah, see we tried that and it didn’t happen but I didn’t go around announcing our infertility woes, so you didn’t know that I didn’t really intend them to be 6.5 years apart and hurt me. Oh and wait- regardless, isn’t it a bit late for that gem of advice? Oy.

~Anita
@ http://losingaustin.blogspot.com

Amy 2 years ago

OMG…I’m 27 and 6 months along with my first and I was told THE SAME THING last week!

“Why did you wait so long to have children? Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to keep up?”

I then told her that my husband will be 50 in a month and they nearly had a stroke. Don’t you worry none, kind stranger, we’ll manage.

Laura 2 years ago

Also, constantly tell her that she’s just adorable or so cute. Pregnant women love being treated like 3 year olds, especially while at work.

Mercy 2 years ago

I know someone who gave me the dirty looks and lectures about drinking coffee – after I had my baby. She was so proud that she hadn’t had any coffee during her pregnancy or afterwards until her baby was over 8 months, and even then it was “just a little”. I had a 17 month old and a newborn at that time, and I had been having one coffee a day since the 5th month of pregnancy (once the nausea was gone and I could stomach it) just because I liked it. And that was her 5th child. Maybe some coffee would have kept her from yelling at her family all the time. :)

Stephanie 2 years ago

After an 8 week maternity leave, I returned to work, only to have a new employee come up to me on my first day back in the office, pat my tummy and ask, “Ohhhh Stephanie, are you expecting??”

Katy 2 years ago

Same thing here. The doc told me on Monday that I was having an 8 pounder. Three days later, 9.4. I told them they needed better equipment.

Caroline 3 years ago

Some people, my gosh…

I’ve never been pregnant but I’m 26 years old and constantly get told that I look “too young”, “like a teenager” or “like a little girl”. During my last vacation a woman stood up from her table and come to ask my boyfriend how old I was!!
So I’m terrified that the day I get pregnant people will start commenting that I’m a teen mom who had to give up school to have her baby. I’ve been on the verge of insulting them so I that if I get pregnant my hormones will turn me into a serial killer of jerks!!

Lindsey 3 years ago

My Mother in law did EVERY ONE of these.

Kari 3 years ago

Just curious…what are some “safe” topics to ask a pregnant woman? Is it better to stick to topics not related to the pregnancy, because that seems rude to not to bring it up at all. I think some people ask the typical questions because they think its expected of them and aren’t really sure what to talk about. For example whenever someone I know gets engaged I ask to see the ring. I actually don’t care about engagement rings but it seems expected/rude not to.

Emmi 3 years ago

I got number 5 all the time from complete strangers! Except it was phrased “Was it planned?” That, and old ladies would scowl at me as though I had done something horrible (they now smile at me with my 4 month old, go figure). But yeah, I got all of these throughout my pregnancy and toward the end was very close to smacking someone. Thanks for posting and giving me a laugh!

Natasha 3 years ago

Great post! #8 and #1 almost got a few people punched in the face when I was pregnant. I knew I looked like a house, but hey I was pregnant. And I told one woman in the grocery store that if she touched my stomach again, I was going to smack her with it. I don’t know why people feel like they have the right to touch you just because you’re pregnant.

Ros Akilapa 3 years ago

When I was having my first child I bought a lovely maternity dress assuming it was going to fit me right through the pregnancy. I was a 34″ bust, 5’10” tall. The dress lasted me till I was approx 5 months pregnant. I wasnt plus size they just werent well designed. As I am a dressmaker I designed and made all my clothes for future pregnancies, all 3 of them.

The number of times I heard people telling me that I was so big my bump would explode if it got any bigger – I made a lot of water. The ultra-sound technician once told me that she was surprised my baby hadn’t drowned in all the water I made. One social worker who I worked with suggested that giving birth should be like shelling peas for me as I was married to an African man. I pointed out that he might be African but I am not so I was not likely to crouch down at the roadside and then get up and take the baby home.

Amy Lyn Kelsey 3 years ago

I hate it when people keep aking Me how many kids I have and if this Is my last one. How rude is that. Especially when they go on and on about it.

Slackeyj 3 years ago

Awesome list. I am 32 weeks with my first and have been around pregnancy my entire life. Most of these things really don’t bother me-I just find people ridiculous. The ones that DO get under my skin are the comments on Mom’s size. What happened to internal monologue? Almost as annoying as the “you are huge” people are the people who constantly try telling a woman who has put on 30 pounds that she hardly looks pregnant at all. You are either a liar or you thought I was large to begin with and neither are very polite things to tell someone.

Christine 3 years ago

My favorite – get your sleep now because you won’t when the baby comes. SLEEP?!?!? What sleep…I don’t remember what that is? I’m 34 weeks now and if one more person says this to me, I might lose it.

Emma 3 years ago

Love it. Sadly, so true. Best advice I got: ignore every piece of advice or guidance anyone else gives you! It’s your baby – do it your way!

Mercy 3 years ago

Oh, the caffine thing really got me. In the early months, I didn’t drink it because it made me sick, but after the 4th month, I had at least one a day and my kids are all normal. After my second came, a mother of 5 that I know was lecturing me because I was drinking coffee while breastfeeding, and she was going on about how she didn’t have any until her baby was 8 months, etc. Real anoying. I couldn’t manage without it.

As far as I know, the only time caffine is dangerous is in the first 3 months and I assume that means in large quantites. If you can stomach it, I don’t think one cup a day is dangerous.

I have another friend who recently had a baby and she was sick throughout most of the 9 months. Her hubby heard she shoudn’t have soda and wouldn’t get it even though it was the only thing she could keep down. I made him get it for her cause it was the only thing that worked for me too.

Mercy 3 years ago

Wish I had thought of that. Great idea!

saq 3 years ago

been here and had it done to me now its all for the younger generation and it was not funny then but as i read it i could not stop laughing hormones r a special thing in this world
god bless

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

You. Are. Awesome.

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

Sweet Jesus, I have two kids, and YET I have done like EIGHT of the ten things on that list! *AWKWARD*

Guerrilla Mom 3 years ago

Oh god. I had a woman at a bodega cup my pregnant belly, look at me in the eyes and say, “this beautiful blessing is a girl.” I restrained myself from saying, “Wow. Thanks. Didn’t know I could bypass the weird gels, paper robe, and ultrasound by coming into 7 eleven and finding the woman with the least boundaries.”

Also, it was so not a girl. Weirdo.

Motherhood on the Rocks 3 years ago

Oh and I should mention that 2 hours into pushing, my OB said “come on! This is the easy part!” She’s lucky I didn’t kick her in the face.

Motherhood on the Rocks 3 years ago

I LOVE all of these! So true and so funny! WHAT is it with the belly touchers!

Kate 3 years ago

When people pulled this shit with me, I took that opportunity to turn it around on them. I HATED being pregnant, so I was very very sure to start talking to them (in great detail!) about my hemorroids, the nasty chafing rash I was developing between my thighs (and under my boobs), just HOW he was conceived (in a poorly-thought out quickie) and how I wasn’t “even sure I wanted to keep it”…and did they know anyone who might want to “take it off my hands – for a small price”?
Usually stopped ’em dead in their tracks.

Tripletmommy 3 years ago

I totally agree! I have triplets and they were the results of fertility treatments so it’s always a tricky question to navigate! My new response is “They were a surprise”. Or I can get away with saying multiples run in the family since my aunt has twins. It’s amazing how thoughtless people can be though!

wbrady 4 years ago

ugh. im 33 weeks pregnant with my first. im a waitress and have had 4 random people touch my stomach. its very uncumfortable. especially since im at work so i cant say what i really want to. ive had people ask me what my mom thinks about it. aparently i dont look old enough to be married even though i am married. and even if i wasnt its just rude to assume im not. and ive had quite a few people just guess how far along i am and then when i correct them they ask if im only having one. people are very nosy about pregnant women. its really annoying.

Jett 4 years ago

lol wow very funny :) but of course wouldn’t be I guess in there and blah blah, etc. Anyway interesting post, take care :)_

Leigh Ann 4 years ago

Oh my gosh. #5: Because I already had twins and then got pregnant again, and it was NOT planned. So people asking me that only made me feel worse and more anxious.

#3: Why is it that people think it’s appropriate to ask twin moms if they conceived naturally? Because I have twins that gives you the right to butt into my business? Or my favorite: “Are your twins IVF or real?”

Lindsey 4 years ago

As I began reading this I thought to myself that “TOUCH HER BELLY” had better be #1!
Bang on.

Sarah 4 years ago

I’m not the only one?!?!? I grew 8 cup sizes with my first and they never went away!!!! They were too big to begin with, esp since I wear a 32, so now that I am done with the babies I just look like a tramp. My DH likes them, which clearly makes him a freak. Like me. *sigh*

b harper 4 years ago

This is an entirely perfect post. I was victimized by all ten of these jerks while pregnant!

Rooja Azam 4 years ago

ha ha ha ha ha … i sooo want someone to touch my belly now … lolz
awesome

Tracey 4 years ago

We didn’t tell anyone the name for our son, and it drove people crazy. They kept asking why we were keeping it a secret, and then offered advice on what we should name the baby. We kept it from everyone because we didn’t them to comment or try to talk us out of it. And in the end it felt wickedly fun to keep something secret from everyone else.

Jessica 4 years ago

Along with mentioning how big she is, make sure you tell her that she must be having a girl. The old wives’ tale is that the the girls take all your beauty, leaving you a fat, ugly mess while preggers. So it’s just dandy (trust me on this) if you tell her each and every time you see her that she looks like she’s carrying a girl. She’ll love that.

Joie 4 years ago

Ditto.

I would grab my best friend’s stomach and wiggle/jiggle it back and forth whilst yelling the baby’s name out at the top of my lungs into her belly button. (she had 4 kids).

Honestly, how could they NOT love this?!

Joie 4 years ago

Before my friend found out she was pregnant, we were at lunch with a group of friends discussing names we liked for kids, etc. She announced that she did NOT like names that were “ok” for both genders like Cameron, etc. And she did not like the name Joey/Joie. Hi, I am Joie. Remember me?! She looked at me and after a second realized what she said. Uh, thanks!

Oh, and then I said the names I liked…I was told that those names don’t sound too good. Thanks. Just thanks.

Joie 4 years ago

In Olympia and Tacoma? AWESOME! I have a lot of friends that are preggo right now (it’s in the water…I know it is!!!) and could definitely use this info!!

Amanda 4 years ago

With our son we got oh that name stinks, use this one. With our daughter we said, we’re naming her when we see her. No one knew her name until she was born.

San Diego Farmgirl 4 years ago

I’m reading all the comments and I’m a little shocked at how many have had problems with people touching their bellies. Hardly anybody has touched or asked to touch mine. I guess I’m already a Scary Mommy … woo hoo!

San Diego Farmgirl 4 years ago

The next person who tells me a childbirth horror story is at high-risk of being kicked upside the head. I’m pretty sure I’m irritated enough at 37 weeks to physically pull it off, too. Same goes for the “your life is about to totally change” crowd. Um, yeah. That was the whole point of having the baby in the first place.

Mars 4 years ago

I used to yell at my sister’s stomach all the time, I fail to see how that could be irritating….

The Blogtessa 4 years ago

I had a really creepy experience in a grocery store once while expecting my firstborn, when a girl/woman (she was in her 20s and wearing a High School Musical shirt) came up to me and told me this horrible lengthy story (I’ll spare the details) about how she was a twin, but her mother took a fall in the mall and lost her sibling, yet she survived. Then she added, “Isn’t that cool?”

I was in an exceptionally hormonal mood that day and shouted “Are you f**king socially retarded?!” Everyone gasped and stared at me like I was pregosaurus rex or something… and then I found out she was. Well, perhaps not retarded, I can’t remember specifically, but she was ‘slow’ at any rate. And I felt awful.

I try so hard to be understanding now when people approach me this time around.

Kim 4 years ago

Regarding #4.
I ‘knew’ what I was having, and was not surprised when my suspicion was confirmed via u/s. When I returned one of my mother-in-laws 4,139 messages (she knew I was going in that day) to tell her, she said – and I quote:
“I KNEW it had to be a girl!!! Your face has been SO DISTORTED this entire pregnancy!!!!” with gleeful pride at her powers of observation.

Um, thanks.

Nicole 4 years ago

When I was pregnant with my second, I actually made up a sticker to wear on the safety vest I had to wear at work, because I was so tired of answering the same questions over and over again. I can’t remember what it said exactly but it was something like:

Yes, I’m pregnant.
I’m due in June.
There’s only one.
I’m fine.
We don’t know what the sex is.

It didn’t stop all the questions but it helped a little. :-)

Coconuts 4 years ago

Sweet mother of god. Good luck with that! You’re almost carrying 3 babies! I got no sympathy from my husband either. He would just get a dreamy look on this face when he looked at them.

Coconuts 4 years ago

LOL. I had 2 girls. My MIL only wanted boys. Even when we knew the 2nd was a girl she kept calling it a boy. I finally told her that calling it a boy was not going to put the stem on the apple.

Justine 4 years ago

I had EVERY one of those statements in my last 2 pregnancies. IT DROVE ME CRAZY!!! This was funny to read though.

Selena 4 years ago

Sorry for the poor grammar. Pregnancy brain casualty, it appears.
I do have an answer to the sizes though for Judy’s. Bands run 30-56, cup sizes run AA to M. I went ahead and googled them.

Selena 4 years ago

o_O You may want to start saving for the bra fund. LOL

Selena 4 years ago

Update…:
Well, we went to Motherhood yesterday. I said, “I’m needing to be sized, I’ve outgrown my ‘F'”. The associate did a double take. “Some people pay good money for that!”. She then said they don’t carry anythink higher, and suggested a few other stores, or a custom shop. We go to Macy’s and the associate is ringing up a few older ladies but she asks if I’ve got a quesiton. I ask, “How high does your sizing go?” “G” “Oh good!” My DH tells me that both ladies in line whipped their heads around and looked at me, then at my chest. We look at the bras… $70 (US). Kid you not! I tell my DH, “Yeah, that’s what I’m budgeting for a crib, not for a bra I’m going to outgrow in a month!” So we go to JC Penney, and I ask the same question. After a long time of the woman not getting why I’m not understanding the cryptic answer of “Double”, I finally ask “What letter?” “Huh?” “What letter is doubled?” “Oh, D. Double D.” Thanks anyway… that’s where I started this road at… I’m not onto higher hillsides and steeper valleys.
So I call the custom shop, and ask their prices. Just a tad higher than what I was paying pre-pregnancy but no where near $70. So we go…

*drumroll please*
I. As in “I have 10 /12 more weeks till delivery and I am an I!!!”
I’d also like to add that with just more size upgrade, I will hold the family record of biggest preggo chest in the family. I sure hope the medal you get with that accomplishment is huge so it doesn’t get lost in all that Mammary Madness!
(I’d like to add, if anyone is in the Tacoma area, and needs specialty bras, Judy’s on S. Pine was wonderful! Free bra fittings by appt. and I happened to sneak one in before some other appts since we were close. I honestly don’t know how far up the alphabet they go… but I have a feeling I’m about to find out. They have a shop in Olympia and one in Tacoma. The gals were so nice, and discreet, and were really helpful. Plus, as a fan of older sewing machines, it brought a smile to my face to see an older Singer is what they use to do additional alterations on.)

Kelley 4 years ago

That was hilarious!! So, so true. The part where the pregnant woman loses constantly because of her touchiness & hormones was spot on! Great p

Becca_Masters 4 years ago

Freaking hilarious.

Becca_Masters 4 years ago

This is hilarious and scary too.
I’m already a HH cup and I’m NOT even pregnant yet!
I’m dreading to think how much bigger they get. Part of me also worries that if I breast feed, I may crush my baby’s head under the weight of my huge boobs!

Oh god.

Kristine 4 years ago

oh my word!! I just had my third and I had the last 10 things said to me over the past 9 months. I loved it also when people assumed I was pregnant with my first when I was alone and jumped in with how horrible my life was about to get. I think we need to print this out and hand it out as flyers in public places!

Stephanie 4 years ago

I had a guy in a fruit market point to me and yell to the whole store that I was trying to steal a watermelon.

Stephanie 4 years ago

Hilarious. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Mom Went Crazy 4 years ago

Ha.lar.ious.
I think every pregnant woman can agree with everything on this list. I’ve been on the receiving end of every single one of those comments. I once had a woman in the grocery store put her hand on my stomach and start saying a prayer.
I was so shocked I actually was speechless. Normally I would smack her away, but I couldn’t move from sheer surprise!

Jade @ No Longer 25 4 years ago

This is such a great post – so funny but I’m sure so true!

One of the things that bothers me about being pregnant in the future is that everyone wil have their opinion to give you and that they know more than you – ok they have experienced something you haven’t but I hate when people do that to me.

If I ever have kids I am going to be one grumpy sarchastic pregnant lady!

Nancy 4 years ago

Too funny. When I was pregnant with my first, a woman in the grocery store asked me “If it’s a boy will you circumcise Him? Because unless you’re Jewish there is no medical reason for that torture.” Seriously, the nerve of people. I told her we were going to just in case he went to college and met a nice Jewish girl he wanted to marry. That way he wouldn’t have to slice the top off his 22 year old self. Her mouth hung open and she just stared at me. Shut her up though….perfect.

Lady Estrogen 4 years ago

YES!! #3!!
I couldn’t believe how many people that I barely knew would ask that! Like it’s any of their business. Isn’t that kind of an intimate detail? And what reaction do they expect depending on the answer? Is it “less” of a pregnancy if wasn’t conceived naturally? Feckin’ weird! AND this question continues even after the pregnancy – I’m sure I’ll still be getting asked this when the boys are 30.
PS. Yes, “naturally”; yes, they run in my family. Repeat.

Deeona 4 years ago

I have had 3 very large babies all at least a month early (one was 6 weeks) and everyone even the Dr’s have asked me “are you sure you had the dates right”…. ummm yep I am sure! I was there!

Edie 4 years ago

Freaking hilarious!!! We adopted our 6 year old from China and she has been home 3 1/2 months…she thinks all babies just “show up” at the orphanage gate. First time she saw a pregnant woman she said “Mommy…what’s that?” as she pointed at a swollen belly. I said there’s a baby in there…she pulled up the ladies shirt and said “uh uhhh that not a baby”. and went on to explain that was a fat belly.

Andreea @Our Journey To USA 4 years ago

A pregnant woman is another kind of human being, is almoust as vulnerable like a flower. Or should I say a carnivour flower. Cause she can devour you in a glimpse of an eye…

My uncle was a young naive teenager and knew nothing about these pregnancy rules. He met my mother best girlfriend, who was a bit chubby and the first thing he said to her was : ” Nice to meet you and congrats for your baby bump. It s a boy or a girl?”

Poor uncle…He was in pain for three days!

Tiffany 4 years ago

I love this article. What’s more, I love the smart, witty and ironic feedback posted by the readers. (So often, the Comments section beneath an article is a reservoir of utter rubbish: misspelled, illogical and downright nonsensical bollocks. But I enjoyed reading the comments on this piece almost as much as the piece itself.) ScaryMommy, your readers clearly have brains. Well done.

And thank you.

lesa 4 years ago

#8 reminded me of my FIL who used to ask anyone who saw me when we were in public if they thought I was having twins. I was not. I was just carrying an almost 9lb, 23 inch baby. I wanted to slap him. Fortunately for him, I am a pacifist.

Jen Stinson 4 years ago

I am pregnant with baby #3 and #1 and #2 are almost 3 and almost 1(22 months apart). Whenever I’m out with them I get “oh my you have your hands full”. This is before they realize I’m pregnant again, then it’d added with looks of pity and feeling sorry for me or if they are really bold they say “how are you ever going to leave the house?” or “oh my you’ll be even busier soon, won’t you?” I haven’t come up with a cleaver response to this one yet.
And then I ALWAYS get the “Haven’t you figured out how this happens?” I’ve started responding, “I have, but obviously my husband hasn’t yet!” and I just smile. :)
And we aren’t finding out and I don’t have an epidural by choice and I get all sorts of comments about these two!

Lisa 4 years ago

When I was 4 months along with my first son I went on a plane to Vegas from Detroit with the women in my family. As I walked down the aisle to my seat an older man in a suit said “If you go into labor we’re not landing this plane early, I’m on my way to an important business meeting!” REALY!?! My answer “I’m only 4 months along so if I do go into labor this plane will be landing very quickly where ever we are because somethings wrong! Screw your business meeting!” My family didn’t know whether to laugh at my bold retort or to be embarrassed by me!

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 4 years ago

When I was pregnant with twins, I loved when people would tell me about their cousin/friend/whogivesashit who was pregnant with twins and only one lived…WTF???

Nina 4 years ago

Spot on!

Moomser 4 years ago

OMG, I would get pregnant again just so I could do that! You’re a genius!

SydneyHouseHusband 4 years ago

My wife was going to make a t-shirt that read

“I’m 6 months pregnant, yes it was planned, it’s a boy, his name will be Matthew. Now F**K OFF!”

Your list made me laugh out aloud. Thanks for making my day :)

I look forward to the list of 10 things to say to a piss off a woman who has just had a baby, I’ll start it off for you…

10. When are you due?

Selena 4 years ago

Oh my! I’m already somewhere past F… and I have 11 more weeks till the due date!

And I just realized that to type this, I sat the washcloth I was folding on my new “shelf” without even thinking about it! That still doesn’t make them any cooler. LOL.

*worried look*

LibraryLady 4 years ago

You completely have my sympathy. Large-sized bras that actually fit are expensive! I went up to an H while I was pregnant, and after when my milk came it it went beyond comical to ominous and scary. It looked like I had twin death stars on my chest.

zeemaid 4 years ago

My favourite was the “you look like you’re going to pop.. oh oh everyone hide their sharp objects” Like who the hell would have sharp objects anyways.

I have to say, I wasn’t sure coming in here what the comments would be like. It seems like you never know how people are going to take a post these days.

Rusti 4 years ago

LOL – love this.

Theresa 4 years ago

I know, what is up with the twins comments??

I felt like screaming,

“Good Grief People! Haven’t you ever seen a pregnant lady before!!!” followed up with a punch in the face.

I would have gotten away with it, who would charge a pregnant lady? Ah, I miss being pregnant…

Cathy 4 years ago

I cannot tell you how many times I was asked if I was having twins. I told a friend of mine and she didn’t believe it…until we were out at Jamba Juice and some guy asked right in front of her. Rude, rude, rude!!!

Ally 4 years ago

THAT was a great needed laugh for my day! So funny!

Victoria KP 4 years ago

So true! A saleslady at “Babies R Us” asked me if I was having twins when I told her my due date (I wasn’t)! I felt like saying, you deal with pg women all the time, shouldn’t you KNOW better.

Almost as much fun as the coworker who I hardly knew who asked me if we had been planning it. Ummm… we’ve been married 5 years and are both in our 30’s–we do know how to prevent pregnancy at this point!

Jean 4 years ago

OH god, I hope that happens for me!! 30 weeks in and gained (i can’t even type it out loud)…a lot……
On a side note, we need to create better plus size maternity clothes!!

Lela 4 years ago

The WORST is being very NOT pregnant and being asked how far along you are. Two people used to live in my uterus, leave me the *&$%, it’s forever damaged. Haha!

Kristy @ Almost On Purpose 4 years ago

So funny and so true! I’ve had almost all of these said to me. As much as I hate them, I still find that I start to say stupid stuff. Ugh! Will I ever learn?

I always got “you haven’t had the baby yet?” Every once in a while, I’d be brave and respond (in a shocking voice), “What!!? I’m still pregnant!!?” They’d get the idea and leave me alone. Haha!

Thanks for the list!

Jaedeanne 4 years ago

When I was about 8.5 months pregnant, I was in line at a fast food restaurant during lunch. The restaurant happened to be right next to a construction site, so a lot of the construction workers were in there during their lunch breaks as well.

I was trying to decide between a salad with light dressing (like the good mother that I was going to be) or the double greasy cheesy burger with XL fries (which I ended up getting) when I noticed a hand was massaging my belly. And it wasn’t my hand. It was big and hairy and covered in dirt. I followed the arm to the person that it belonged to…… a large, portly, construction worker, hard hat and all, who was grinning at me like a cheshire cat.

I’m sure that had I been less shocked, I would’ve jumped away and/or screamed, but instead I reached my arm out and started massaging his beer belly, grinning back at him.

He stopped rubbing my belly and apologized. I stopped rubbing his and flipped him off.

I hate people sometimes.

Katy 4 years ago

I got the same thing from my husband! He had the nerve to tell me that with our first I just looked like myself with a basketball in my belly, and with our second, since my body was used to it, I was just big ‘everywhere’ And he wonders why I was so mean to tell him that yes, in fact from not going to the gym his chest had started looking like it belonged on a 12 year old boy…

Amanda 4 years ago

I absolutely hated it when strangers would touch my pregnant belly!!!! And then I refused to take my twins to the grocery store for a year and a half because I didn’t want strangers touching them. Great post!

Terri 4 years ago

On my 30th birthday, I was about 5 months along, and my husband looked at me while I was getting dressed in the morning and said, “Damn you really look pregnant today.” To this day he still doesnt get why that made me mad.
With my first child, I kept getting asked everywhere I went if it was twins. I’d say no and then they’d ask if I was sure. It’s always fun being told you’re huge.

Mandy 4 years ago

My favorite was, at eight months pregnant and carrying the most enormous belly ever, I had my back to a sales lady. When I turned to ask her a question she YELLED “Oh My God! Your are huge! There just has to be twins in there!” When I assured her that there was just one baby she INSISTED that I MUST be MISTAKEN!! Really??!!?? So Rude!

Melissa S 4 years ago

Yes, all of these drove me crazy… I hated people touching my belly. I worked in a restaurant when pregnant with my daughter and had guest always reaching over for a feel- even men. I left one afternoon so pissed off that when a women came up to me in the supermarket to get a feel- I asked her if I could touch her belly next… she had nothing to say.

With my son I got are you having twins often. Once when I responed no the dumb women asked “triplets?!”

Aren’t people awesome?

Veronica 4 years ago

I hated the looks that the nurse would give me when she took my weight. I am a bigger girl too, and I ate so healthy (junk food also made me want to yack) and carrying 20lbs of baby goop, when my baby was born I had lost 30lbs from my pre-prgnancy weight. So I would lose like 1oz and they would ask me “are you OK???!!!!” Uh…yes, just like last week….and the week before that. I would have to go through 10mins of explination each time about how, no I’m not sick, I was FAT before I got pregnant. Thanks for bringing that up…..

HeatherC 4 years ago

Love this! When I was pregnant with my son, my dry cleaner attendant told me to walk with my legs closer together. She even followed me out to my car to model how to walk and make sure my stride was good enough for her. Unbelievable!

Karla Valenti 4 years ago

First, I love pregnantchicken, first found you with the crazy photos of pregnant couples in totally ??? poses. Still can’t stop laughing about that.

Second, I have another one for you: when I was expecting my first, I got asked by a total random stranger if it had been hard for me to get pregnant being “so old” and if I was nervous about having a baby being “so old.” What made this comment so shocking (aside from the obvious) was that (a) I was 26 at the time and (b) the person who asked me this knew I was 26 because her first question had been, “do you mind if I ask how old you are?”

Jackie 4 years ago

About a week before my due date, I was at a large gathering with friends. One woman told me “oh you haven’t dropped at all yet, you still have at least two weeks to go.” About five minutes later I meandered around the room and another woman (who did not hear the first comment) remarked “oh, you’ve totally dropped, it’ll be any day now.” Of course, my belly’s appearance had not changed whatsoever from the first comment to the second. Just proves that all those smug know-it-alls dishing out assvice really have no idea what the hell they are talking about.

Alecia @ Hoobing Family Adventures 4 years ago

These are so perfect and true!!

Rebekah 4 years ago

Number 3: The perfect answer is “Natural? Only if you call the aliens with their diabolical probes natural! My doctor says it’s not true but I know it was! I called NASA but they won’t even listen to me! No one believes me! You believe me don’t you? Help me! Please. They might be back to take my baby. I hate that probe…”

ninjamommers 4 years ago

HILARIOUS! I will never get over the amount I was almost groped by random people at the grocery store….

“Ohhhh how far along are you!?” I was asked by one woman, her hands outstretched to touch my belly. In reality I was 6 months pregnant, but I did the mean thing.. acted appalled and shocked and retorted with: “What!? I am NOT Pregnant!” Needless to say I stopped her in her tracks, she didn’t grab my belly and I guarantee she never asked how far along a stranger was EVER again.

Kate 4 years ago

Sorry you were so sick, but I love this one. At my 38 week check-up, the Dr estimated my child (sex unknown BY CHOICE) was “going to end up around 7 lbs” as of the 38 week check-up. I the baby 5 days later – all 10 lbs oz of him 😉 I am a bigger girl and was told I didn’t need to gain much weight at all to have a healthy baby … I wasn’t a junk food addict – ate inredibly healthy (and not massive quantities of food), didn’t have GD, etc – but gained a crap ton of weight (around 50 lbs). I loved it when the Dr. kept suggesting we needed to ‘redo the diabetes test’ b/c she didn’t believe that I wasn’t eating massive amounts of crap, etc. By my 2 week post-c-sec check-up, I had lost 35 lbs. By 6 weeks, I had lost more than I gained during the pregnancy 😉

Tanya 4 years ago

” the coffee police” roflmao

Tanya 4 years ago

I have the best one yet. My MIL (well my boyfriend’s mom) showed up uninvited to the ultrasound. We didn’t want to find out the sex of the baby so she told the utrasound technician to WRITE THE SEX ON A PIECE OF PAPER AND GIVE IT TO HER!!! Excuse me bitch? The tech was smart enough to play dumb and say she couldn’t tell what it was. Just to spite my MIL I had the ultrasound tech tell me and I kept it a secret.

Alicia 4 years ago

So freaking funny! I am currently 6 mos preggos and some of these things have happened! If ONE more person tells me to get my sleep now, OR for husband and I to take a little getaway together now, because EVERYTHING will change when baby comes! Seriously? Do you think I don’t know that?? I am 33 years old. I kind of have an idea of what life is going to be like when baby arrives, thanks!

This weekend MIL asked me if I could have that cup of coffee I ordered at breakfast this past weekend. Yes. A cup of coffee is fine. I checked with my OB and the Coffee police for preggo women. It is fine. Geesh….

guarros 4 years ago

Why is it most people I meet have read this and think this is IN FACT the way to be? In related news: what IS wrong with people?

I find myself getting myself into situations that invite stupid. Example: when asked “what names are you thinking” do NOT answer, do not ever answer. Inevitably someone says something stupid. I was telling friends our favorite name is Luella – and immediately someone joked… “Cruella – Cruella Deville. Ha ha ha.” Pretty proud of my response, however hormone fueled it was. I’m (hopeful) he won’t make that mistake again fearing the wrath of the bananas preggo.

Siz 4 years ago

if one more person tells me i shud eat well and rest more, i swear!

Nicole 4 years ago

That is terrible! This is my second pregnancy and, let me tell you, the pants peeing is in full effect! When we learned we were having a little girl we decided to tell my Mother in law that it was another boy. She. Was. PISSED! “I really wanted a girl” she said. Eventually, only to shut her up, I told her the truth that it was indeed a girl. She had to tell me that she *knew* i was having a girl because of the way I was carrying her. Obviously my unemployed -because her neck hurts- mother in law, used to be a psychic. I think if she wants a girl so bad she should go have her own because she may not be seeing as much of mine as she thinks!

Sarah 4 years ago

Ouch!

Coconuts 4 years ago

My MIL sat on the hospital bed and informed me at the top of her lungs how much she hated my daughter’s name. Mind you it was my maiden name and I had just been cut open 2 hours prior to this nugget after 9 months of puking and peeing my pants.

katie t 4 years ago

Hahahaha. This is a perfect list and one that all should print out and memorize! :)

Coconuts 4 years ago

I feel your pain there. My boobs got so big you could hardly tell I was pregnant. I just looked like a fat stripper. Even more joy when the milk comes in. I woke my husband up and said “take a look at these bad boys”

Coconuts 4 years ago

To this day my mother will not call my neice Katie. Appartently her father had an affair with a scullary maid named Katie and that is a scullary maid’s name. I dont even know what the F a scullary maid is.

debkayjus 4 years ago

So basically, what I’m getting from the blog and the comments, is that you should just not acknowledge a pregnancy at All. Granted, I despised people touching, and even (gah! ) rubbing my belly, but had no issue with people asking if I knew the sex, or had a name picked out. But my sister is the biggest offender of this list, even informing me and her dil’s that she doesn’t like the chosen name. But we all go through it, including the unsolicited advice and judgement, and sadly, that doen’t end with childbirth!

Katy 4 years ago

One benefit of bed rest-didn’t have to deal with this crap during my second pregnancy!

Julie 4 years ago

I need to apologise to just about everyone on this list. I am a belly toucher… i know and i am truely and deeply sorry. I am a toucher anyway and there is just something so awesome about a pregnant belly!!! I get its inappropriate, offensive and rude but its not ment that way… its a sign of love, community and joy. Guess that dont make up for it and I promise to try my hardest to never ever do it again x

Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) 4 years ago

This cracked me up. I remember when i was 8 1/2 months pregnant a guy walked up to me and said “are you pregnant or are you just fat?” I replied “i’m just fat!” He said “really” and i said “no you asshole, i’m pregnant but do you realize how rude that is if i had just been fat?”

People are stupid. That is all

Christi 4 years ago

I often got the “are you sure you’re not having twins?”. Unbelievable!

Christi 4 years ago

OMG – my oldest daughter just gave me a funny look and must be wondering what’s wrong with her mom to be laughing at the computer so hard! Thanks for writing this – what a fun read for my morning!

suzanne @ pretty swell 4 years ago

LOVE this. I’m pregnant with #2, and not a single one of those things has changed since last time.

Thanks for the laugh!

Cassandra, 4 years ago

I love this. I thought I was the only one who felt that way about certain things. I am nine months now, and I get phone calls all day, especially early in the morning, “You ain’t have that baby yet?” First, what ever happened to greetings? Second, if I did, don’t you think it would have been posted on facebook, twitter or tumblr? Third, you silly duck, if my doctor says she can come anyday, do you really think you waking me up induces the labor process?

Greta 4 years ago

Oh, this is too funny. I’m 38 weeks and have heard it all, and mama bear has had her claws out lately. Thanks for the morning pick-me-up!

Rebecca 4 years ago

#5 is a good one – I have a 12 year gap in between my two boys… I got asked quite a bit if it was “planned”… I guess that’s the politically correct way(???) to ask if he was an accident. They still ask over a year later if those are my only two and why I waited so long. Gets under my skin! Does it really matter?

Cindy 4 years ago

Love that!!

Sarah 4 years ago

Some people have no shame.

Nicole 4 years ago

I love when people think of every way your kid could possibly get made fun of for his or her name. I have heard “they will call her Lazy Jane!” No they wont because mommy will kick their ass!

GG 4 years ago

I shared with a co-worker what my husband and I were thinking of for a girl’s name and she replied, “I wouldn’t tell anyone else. They’re not going to like it and you don’t want to hear that.” Gee – thanks!!

Sarah 4 years ago

Aren’t Mother-in-laws just great?

Tanya 4 years ago

“You don’t want your tax dollars going towards that kid’s tail removal someday.” Absolutely hysterical!

Tanya 4 years ago

winning!!!!!

Megan (Best of Fates) 4 years ago

The tax-supported tail surgery – of course!

Man, I’ve been looking for an excuse to harass a pregnant woman for years now, I can’t believe I never thought of that!

Alexis 4 years ago

I hate those “babies are so precious enjoy every minute” people almost as much as the “it only gets harder” people. Frankly both of my kids got infinitely more fun as they got older (and were decidedly NOT fun when they were babies).

Nicole 4 years ago

My mother in law recently asked me what name we had picked. Let me remind you, this name has been set in stone and there is not turning back. I told her Lacey Jane. She said.. EW i dont like it. Then suggested I give my baby her name as the middle name. HA! After how wonderful she has been for the last 3 years, why would I name my baby after her? (insert sarcasm here)

Memoirs of a Single Dad 4 years ago

Ha! I even got one of these. “So, gained some sympathy weight, huh?” Uh…what? Good morning to you, too, Grandma. =P

Kate & Lydia 4 years ago

DAMN IT, AMY. Why do you always do this? We were giggling through the whole post until we got to “tail removal surgery” and then came the coffee spray and the involuntary “BA HAW HAW!” Pregnant Chicken & Scary Mommy are like an awesome sandwich of vodka and grapefruit juice. Wait? What. Oh right, that’s not a sandwich. But it’s still awesome.

Great post! xo, Kate & Lydia

Alexandria 4 years ago

I think the worse is the unsolicited advice. Just let me figure out motherhood the same way you did.

Allison 4 years ago

Ahhhh yes, she hit the nail on the head with these :) My baby is a week old and the thought of any of these questions/comments still make me flinch!

Selena 4 years ago

Boobs: Also, being naturally larger, I’ve had about enough of “You’re soooo lucky!”. First off, no. I pay more for bras, they’re uncomfortable, and for what? To look at? Big whoop. Now that I’m preggo, it’s even more fun! Now I’ve grown many sizes… and of course, my genetics being how they are… I will not return to normal unless I have surgery. My hubby even admitted that they’re just TOO big now! (Seriously. I guess some men DO have limits. LOL!) We now like to have fun with descriptive words that start with “F”. However, it appears I will have to move on to the next letter. (TGI only 11 more weeks to go! Can’t buy another bra!!!)
So to have someone tell me now that they’re jealous?
I wanna smack them. Hard. Repeatedly. Till they whimper. Yeah. (and I’m in healthcare. I ooze compassion! Usually.)
Is it enough to already be clumsy and now have a heavy belly in front? No! Let’s throw off the balance some more with boulders to match!

Thank you for this time to vent. :)

Selena 4 years ago

Oh boy! I’ve had all of these happen! Thankfully, as soon as I saw the word “Pregnant” on the stick, I knew what I was getting into. So far, only 2 people have taken it upon themselves to touch me. First, was a nurse I didn’t know well at work, who would rub and talk to my belly at about 10 weeks. No ears yet, but the baby can hear? The second person was my F-i-L a few days ago patted my belly when he passed by me, asking me how the kiddo was doing. That one was taken in a mix of discomfort as well as endearment. He’s just so excited about his new grandbaby.
Now, when I visit my old job (there was a big politically charged turn around, and I was one of the folks fired. 4 days before Christmas. 14 weeks pregnant. Jerks.) to have lunch with my friends there, a few of them seem to get bummed that I’m not HUGE. I told my hubby, “Funny, I feel huge!” and he let me know (nicely) that I am definitely showing, but that my chest has grown to match my stomach and it’s deceiving.
And yeah, why is it that A: everyone assumes that now that we have the ability to know the sex of the baby, we MUST know it, and B: when we, the parents, chose not to know, we’re making it inconvient for THEM?

Loved this whole article. :)

myevil3yearold 4 years ago

I hated #1. What made complete strangers feel like they could walk up to me and rub me? I tried to look super pissed off every time I went to the store so this would not happen but apparently it just made me look “cuter” and more people rub my belly.

Amanda 4 years ago

You can add the OB telling you to stop eating so much junk food because you’re gaining too much weight, and when you explain that ALL food, especially the greasy and not good for you, makes you physically ill, she insists you’re lying. Then she tells you your baby is 7lbs at the most, but when you say, “No, he’s at least 9-10lbs,” she tells you you don’t know anything you’re just the mom. And when he’s born, he’s about 9lbs, and you’re down to your puking weight by your 6 weeks check up without exercising – because it was all that junk food you know. No, I’m not bitter at all.

Kristine 4 years ago

Every last one happened and every last one set my teeth on edge…GAH.

lifeintheboomerlane 4 years ago

Hilarious. The #1 thing that used to drive me nuts was when people would look at me and say “Oh, I see you are carrying (high/low/upside down/sideways/whatever.) You are going to have a (insert one of two genders).” Then they would tell me every example they knew where that was the case. People still tell me they can tell the sex of the baby by how the mom carries it. Now that I’m much older, I don’t bother to argue. I just whack them with my cane.

Sarah 4 years ago

Sounds like a perfect plan!!

Sarah 4 years ago

If I had known that I could have told her, “I’m carrying a water baby!”

Lisa 4 years ago

My mom loves to tell me about how when she was pregnant with me she was so huge that even her doctor believed there was a twin hiding in there somewhere…he did extra ultrasounds and everything all the way up to the end of the pregnancy! Turns out it was just little ol’ me and nearly a swimming pool’s worth of water!

Lisa 4 years ago

I have this plan for when I eventually get pregnant: whenever a stranger touches my stomach, I’m going to reach out and grab a handful of boob (or crotch, I suppose, if it’s a guy). When they get offended, I’ll just say something about how I thought we must have obviously been at the touchy-feely stage of our relationship. It’ll be the only time in my life I can get away with being such a bitch because I can just be all cliche and blame it on the hormones 😉

Sarah 4 years ago

Number 9 My mother-in-law asked my sister if she’d picked a name. “Lara,” she answered, “If it’s a girl.”
Retort, “Sounds like a prostitute.”

Number 8 In the fifth month of my fourth pregnancy my son’s Kindergarten teacher commented on my size and asked if I was carrying twins. I informed her that I was not. Rather then be embarrassed, she asked me if I were sure and if I had had a scan!!!

Aren’t people just delightful at times?

janelle 4 years ago

#3!!! I have twins (since you will ask, yes, they are identical, two boys) and I ALWAYS get asked “do twins run in your family?” (yes and no. do my second cousins count? ) “where does their red hair come from?” (the milkman, I’m sure.) “Did you freak out when you found out you were having twins?” (Would you like me to tell you that I was already freaked out because it was an unplanned pregnancy so when I found out at 10 weeks, we actually laughed, because how more absurd could this be?)

And while I don’t remember anyone else in the last five years asking me if my kids were conceived naturally or with fertility drugs (because all my friends and family knew this was not planned and strangers just assume I’m married) some lady yesterday had the audacity to ask me at the funeral of my kids grandmother if I had been on fertility treatments! Oh. My. God. Inappropriate, much? Not to mention she made a fool of herself because I was sitting with my children’s father and his family. Their father and I have never been married and have not been in a relationship for four years. Way to ask a stupid question.

Mrs BC 4 years ago

ALL of those points make me think that this post was ghost written by Jim Carey!
x

Beth 4 years ago

I hated hearing number 7. Even now, I get, “Just you wait until the terrible twos.” Or, “Wait until she’s a teenager.” I HATE that! I’ll take it when it comes, thanks.

Great Post!

Life with Kaishon 4 years ago

This lady is all sorts of hilarious : )
I love this list and plan on printing it out so I will be able to ‘win’ some new pregnant friends : )

Jessica 4 years ago

It would drive me crazy when people would walk up and touch my stomach when I was pregnant. Never did have anyone talk into my belly button though, that would have really been creepy. Hilarious list!