I love my kids but the only things that they are experts at are hiding food that they don’t want to eat and ruining pictures. When my son was in first grade, he inexplicably started smiling this creepy half smile that looked like he was quietly contemplating eating someone. When we got his school pictures back, I was surprised that we didn’t get a bill from the photographer’s therapist as well.
Here are some other ways that your children will inevitably ruin school picture day:
1. At lunch they decide to bathe in chocolate milk. My mom once put me in a white sweater on school picture day and then I ruined her life.
2. They completely forget how to work their face. Smiling is totally out of the question. The best you can really hope for is that they don’t look like they are in physical pain.
3. The nerves get to them and they burst into tears. My children are not pretty criers. And if one kid starts crying, it usually starts off a cascade of criers throughout the waiting crowd. In other news, you really couldn’t pay me enough money to be a school photographer.
4. They let the photographer comb their hair. Not a good choice for my son who tends to look like Lloyd from “Dumb and Dumber” if anyone other than me touches his bangs.
5. They exhibit open hostility. I imagine this will be a 3 yo’s tactic when she gets in front of school photographer. “You can’t make me smile. I just won’t. In fact, I’ll make sure this picture is so bad, you’ll never be hired again.” That’s my girl.
6. They self-destruct under all the pressure. If your kid’s hair is completely wet in their school picture, understand that there is a backstory there that you can’t possibly comprehend that possibly involved paste and poor life choices.
7. They don’t like what you made them wear so they try to cover their body with their arms. This happened to one of my friends’ kids. Because attempting to cover your body with your arms during a picture looks so much better than allowing one piece of that plaid collared shirt to show through.
8. They are actively frightened of the photographer. In the picture they may be smiling, but they can’t hide the fear in their eyes so they end up looking like they are in a hostage situation.
9. They forget what they are doing. I think my children do this more often than I even know. The flash of the camera goes off and they are like, what just happened? Did somebody say recess?
10. And maybe worst of all, they decide that they LOVE having their picture taken and that posing will be the way to go. The only thing worse than a child who is openly hostile to having their picture taken, is a child that really gets into it. They press their hands against their face and tilt their head in a way that they think is cute, but ends up looking like are suffering from demonic possession.
My advice is to let them wear what they want and smile how they want. Just don’t forget to hang on to those awkward pictures in a Ziploc® brand bag (you’ll thank me when they’re older).
When it’s photo day at school, nothing is predictable. Check out this video from Ziploc® brand. Everybody say “cheese!” … Please?
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