107-Year-Old Woman's Secret To Long Life: Never Get Married

by Christina Marfice

Getting married shortens your lifespan and this hero woman is scientific proof

Here’s something all the single ladies need to hear today. A woman from the Bronx, New York, celebrated her 107th birthday this week. At her birthday party, Louise Signore told reporters what she thinks is the secret to living for well over a century: She’s never gotten married.

“I think the secret of 107: I never got married. I think that’s the secret,” she told reporters at her birthday party, which was held at the JASA Bartow Community Center in Co-op City. “My sister says, ‘I wish I never got married.'”

Sure, Louise’s sister is 102, so it’s technically possible that there’s a genetic component at play here. But if Louise says the secret to living such a long life is to never get married, then we’re gonna assume she got here because she never got married. Louise hasn’t been around twice as long as the average person to not have her life advice taken as bible.

Also, we stan a fierce, forever single queen. Sure, Louise has a lot of healthy habits. She makes sure to eat good food, and she works out on the regular. But she doesn’t think those things are the reason she’s now made 107 revolutions around the sun. Nope, she maintains it’s because she has never tied the knot. And honestly, who’s to say she’s wrong? Anyone who’s ever dated knows that men are a constant source of stress and annoyance. And stress can kill you. Science has already determined that. Remove men, remove stress, live a long, happy, healthy life. The math checks out.

Also, Louise knows how to party on her birthday. Here’s what was on the schedule for the big day, which more than 100 people attended: “If they have exercise, I do the exercise. If they have dancing, I dance. I still do a little dancing. After my lunch, I will play bingo, so I had a full day.”

BRB, canceling all my future birthday plans and telling my friends we’re gonna exercise, dance, eat lunch, and play bingo. What a perfect day. Louise and her 107 years of wisdom know what’s up.

People have long been trying to unlock the key to living as long as Louise has. Science has a lot of guesses, and they’re all probably worth trying out. For example, one scientific study determined that people who live to 100 years old or more tend to be gardeners, so maybe having a green thumb is the key to living for a century. An even better study than that one found links between living a long life and drinking both coffee and alcohol every day, so bottoms up.

Or you could follow Louise’s lead and just never bother with men. Where my single ladies at?