My wife and I only have one kid, which makes us worse than all those parents who have more than one. We’re worse parents and worse people. Truly.
At least we’re still better than all those people out there with no kids! Am I right?
The fact is, having one kid is so easy it’s a joke. It’s pretty much exactly like having zero kids, except you actually have the one kid. Thankfully, one kid barely even registers in your life.
I’m a stay-at-home dad, but since I only have one kid I’m really just a stay-at-home guy. I basically sit on my ass at home all day. Sometimes, I forget my son is even there! I honestly don’t know where he is right now, but I’m sure he’s fine. He’s just one person. He can handle himself.
I don’t know why only children even have parents.
We’ve put a lot of thought into whether or not we would ever want another kid. Lately, we’ve been coming down on the side of just having one, for a variety of reasons, but mostly for the awesome comedy it yields. Seriously, do you love to laugh? Then just have one kid! You’ll be a comedy magnet!
Here’s a list of some of the funniest stuff you can say to someone who isn’t parent enough to have more than one child. It’s even better if that person writes a blog about “parenting” that one child and occasionally bitches about how annoying it is. Hahaha! Only one child? What right do you have to complain? You can’t even call that parenting!
1. You only have one kid?
2. How come you only have one kid?
3. It must be really easy only having one kid.
4. Aren’t you worried he’ll be spoiled?
5. Wow. You’re a stay-at-home parent to one kid? That must be so hard. *snicker*
6. Aren’t you worried he’ll be lonely?
7. Wife’s not putting out, eh?
8. Why don’t you have another kid?
9. I wish I only had one kid. It’s so much easier.
10. What do you mean you’re only having one kid? What about Jesus?
11. What’s a matter, guy? Your balls don’t work?
There are a thousand different reasons to have more than one kid and only one reason not to: You’re a terrible, lazy, no-good parent who can’t handle the responsibility. (There are no reasons to have more than three kids.)
The bad news: Parents with only one child are letting the world down and are horrible people because of it.
The good news: The shiftless scumbags only have one kid.
This article was originally published on