12 Reasons Mom Is Awake At 12 A.M.

Before kids, I was an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of person. Motherhood has turned me into a late-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of person. (Oh, sleep. I miss you so.) Talking to my mom friends, I know I’m not the only one awake in the wee hours. If you find yourself watching the clock turn over in the middle of the night, know you are joined by countless mothers everywhere.

Here are 12 reasons Mom might be burning the midnight oil:

1. Her bun in the oven thinks nighttime is the right time for partying and won’t stop kicking her in the ribs and bladder.

2. Her newborn still thinks nighttime is the right time for partying, only now partying means crying inconsolably.

3. Her baby is going through a growth spurt and nursing every hour, on the hour.

4. Her baby, who lulled her into a sense of complacency by sleeping through the night for two months, is suddenly waking through the night again for no apparent reason. She blames teething.

5. Her toddler wet the bed. Again.

6. Her preschooler woke her up crying because he had a bad dream.

7. Her preschooler woke her up screaming because he had a night terror, also known as “Oh my God, I think my child is being possessed by a freaking demon. Someone schedule an exorcism.”

8. She remembered at 11 p.m. that the school bake sale is tomorrow, and she signed up to bake four dozen cookies. Damn.

9. She drastically underestimated how long it would take to make her child’s costume for the school play, and dress rehearsals start tomorrow. Damn again.

10. Her preteen is going through an existential crisis and for some reason feels the need to start awesome heart-to-heart talks with Mom at ungodly hours.

11. Her teen, whose curfew is midnight, just texted “Running a little late,” and Mom’s flip-flopping between worry and anger.

12. Everyone else is sleeping peacefully and there’s nothing she has to do. She should have been asleep an hour ago, but this is the only time she’s had to herself all day, so she’s curled up in bed binge-watching Netflix shows and fooling herself into thinking she won’t pay for it tomorrow.