20 Lies 40-Something Husbands Tell Themselves

by Bill Murphy Jr.
Originally Published: 

2. “I haven’t checked my 401(k) in a while, but I’m sure it’s fine.”

3. “Everyone else at this reunion looks much older than I do.”

4. “Nobody at work will notice I wore this shirt already this week.”

5. “I would never want to get divorced. But if I did, my girlfriend would probably be about 28 (age divided by 2 plus 7, right?)”

6. “Everyone is watching me dance because I’m really good at it.”

7. “The crowd at the bar I like to go to in our neighborhood has grown a lot younger over the last few years.”

8. “I don’t need Viagra. I just had a little too much to drink that night. Or I was stressed… Or…”

9. “A $699-a-month lease payment is a pretty good deal on such a nice car.”

10. “These jeans are pretty new. I think I got them in 2002.”

11. “I’m too young to be called middle-aged.”

12. “There’s still a slight chance I could become a world-class athlete. I just have to pick the right sport.”

13. “I can have another drink; I’ll just have a glass of water before bed and I’ll be fine.”

14. “I should probably stand up at this wedding and say a few words.”

15. “Nobody said anything, so I guess they didn’t notice that fart.”

16. “I ought to go join that pickup basketball/soccer game.”

17. “My Spanish is pretty good. The waiter at the all-inclusive resort last year told me so.”

18. “When I cut my hair really short, you can hardly notice the grey.”

19. “I look sharp and in shape in my bike shorts and helmet.”

20. “I’m totally cool with the fact that my boss is younger than I am.”

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