As a mom, it’s so important to take time for yourself, and exercise keeps your body healthy and your mind centered. Sadly, though, there are so many obstacles in your way, and most of them have two legs and wear diapers. So, pick one of these reasons to get your mother-in-law off your case before she tells you again how she started Jazzercise in 1984 and hasn’t missed a week yet.
1. The baby didn’t sleep last night.
2. The baby and the toddler didn’t sleep last night.
3. The baby and the toddler both slept. But their sleep times did not overlap.
4. You had to get up last night to pee and then you stayed awake assuming the baby or the toddler would wake up any second, and then they both slept through the night. Funny, right?
5. You woke up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym and then you came downstairs and saw the mess and it was so overwhelming that instead of either going to the gym or cleaning you went back to bed.
6. You spent the day cleaning. Okay, fine, but you did look up some cleaning hacks on Pinterest.
7. You lost your sneakers. In 2013.
8. You and your friend were going to go for a run together since it was too nice out to go to the gym. But then she cancelled. Or maybe you did. What is this, an interrogation?
9. Your mom called and you spent an hour convincing her that your toddler doesn’t have a fever, that was just the Instagram filter you used. And that was all the stress you needed for the day.
10. Your husband offered to watch the kids so you could go to the gym, and it was so nice of him that you changed your mind and stayed home and made him waffles. No you didn’t eat one. (You ate two.)
11. Your baby was being so cuddly and cute that you couldn’t leave her.
12. Your baby was being so fussy and whiny that you couldn’t leave her.
13. Your toddler really wanted to spend time with you today. And everyone knows that they grow up so fast, and you have to cherish every moment.
14. Your toddler was such a PITA that you figured you needed to use your gym time to reflect on how to remain present and centered as a mom even when feeling stressed. Priorities, people.
15. You would have arrived too late for Zumba, which you really enjoy, and you read that you should only choose exercise that you genuinely like, or you’ll never stick to it. So you just bagged the whole gym idea in service of your commitment to exercise.
16. You couldn’t find your gym clothes. What? No, these yoga pants and this T-shirt are your regular clothes. Obviously.
17. The gym is right next to the kids’ consignment store and what the hell kind of location is that anyway? Are you made of steel?
18. You had a dance party with your toddler this morning and honestly, it was a hell of a workout. Easily the hardest 7 minutes of cardio you’ve done in a long time.
19. You didn’t think the gym was open on Arbor Day.
20. Your baby was asleep on you and you couldn’t move. No, you didn’t plan it that way. That is not a lullaby CD and a swaddlepod.
Whatever, you’ll obviously get to the gym tomorrow. Unless it’s raining or something. This minivan does not have four-wheel drive and risking your kids’ lives for your own personal benefit is just not who you are as a parent.