20 Toddler First World Problems

by Clint Edwards
toddler first world problems

Let’s face it, being a toddler is rough. No one really understands toddlers because they don’t speak too well. They struggle with the basics: using the toilet, bathing, and getting dressed. But at the same time, they are so pampered it’s ridiculous. If my toddler doesn’t want to walk, I will carry her — talk about service!

But even with all that extra attention, boy, does she complain! She has some serious First World problem issues. So I thought I’d crawl inside her head for a bit, and share a few examples of the First World problems that face toddlers.

1. I couldn’t get out of the high chair, so I threw a waffle at my brother’s head.

2. I wanted a Popsicle, but my mouth was full of cereal, so I had to spit the cereal on the floor. And now my shirt is wet. Change me.

3. My cheese slice broke, and Mom wouldn’t give me another.

4. My diaper needed to be changed, so I had to hold still and not eat it.

5. Dad was doing dishes, so I had to comfort myself.

6. I played with dog poop, and now Mom is making me wash my hands.

7. I threw up all over myself, and no one will hug me.

8. I took my shoes off at the park because I don’t like wearing them and got a splinter. Kiss my feet.

9. Mom wouldn’t stop at McDonald’s, so I had to eat an organic granola bar.

10. Dora the Explorer isn’t on Netflix anymore, so I had to watch Blue’s Clues.

11. I had a pacifier in my mouth and one in each hand, but I also needed the one on the table.

12. I had to wear pants to the store.

13. Mom won’t let me play inside the new dishwasher, so I threw my sippy cup at the TV.

14. I had to get undressed to take a bath.

15. My Peppa Pig life jacket makes me float every time we go to the beach.

16. I can’t exclusively use the pet door.

17. Mom wouldn’t let me lick the sunscreen off my arms, even though they were sticky and smelled good.

18. I have to sleep in the Peppa Pig bed I picked out for my birthday.

19. The dog kicked me out of the dog bed.

20. Mom was busy, so Dad had to hold me.

Toddlers are basically a walking First World problem. They complain all the time about the simplest things and constantly feel picked on, when the fact is their lives are pretty sweet.

But honestly, that’s the hardest part about really little kids. They are such a raw product that you have to teach them everything — and I mean everything. The lessons are basic, but important, because the last thing any parent wants is a grown child acting like a toddler.