They’re tiny, they resemble shopping items, and they’ve taken over your life! If you know what I’m referring to, then your household, like mine, has been infected with Shopkins mania, and it’s scarier than any zombie apocalypse. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, be prepared: Your kids will become obsessed with this line of miniature collectible toys, and things are about to get adorably out of control. There are certain ways to tell if you’re experiencing Shopkins mania, and if you recognize any of the following symptoms, then I’m sorry to say that it’s already too late for you.
1. You start coming up with your own Shopkins names.
Shopkins are small plastic figurines shaped like produce, baked goods, shoes, appliances—basically anything you can buy at Target. They sport adorable little expressions and feature cute names like Chloe Flower and Zappy Microwave. Even my 3-year-old has memorized more than a hundred Shopkins names, and I’ve spent more time than I should coming up with some of my own. Russell Sprouts. Vroom Vroom Vacuum. Rhu-Barbara. Fran Flan. I could go on. (Shopkins HQ—call me!)
2. You’d do anything to get your hands on an ‘ultra-rare.’
Shopkins come two to a miniature shopping basket, and you don’t know what you’re getting until you open up the packaging. A collector’s guide that resembles a shopping list comes with each package, so that you can check off the ones you have. Some Shopkins are less common than others (this is denoted in the guide), so of course the ultra-rares are highly coveted and worth committing a misdemeanor for … right? Asking for a friend. Anyway, the result is that now my kids are foaming at the mouth to get their hands on as many Shopkins as they can, to collect them all. It’s basically evil in its purest form.
3. You’ve memorized your toy store’s delivery schedule.
Adding to the mania is the fact that Shopkins are insanely popular and therefore not readily available for purchase. All the stores are constantly sold out. So on certain days, I actually find myself circling the local toy store in my SUV, waiting for the delivery truck to arrive … just kidding! Ha ha. Who would do such a thing? Must be another mom in a white Subaru.
4. Most of your YouTube subscriptions feature Shopkins reveal videos.
An absurd angle to this craze is that YouTube has been completely inundated with Shopkins reveal videos—videos of people simply opening up their Shopkins packages to find out which ones they got. That’s literally all they’re doing, unwrapping toys. And these videos get like six billion views. Two billion of which were probably from my own kids.
5. You’re jealous of your own children.
As much as you love to hate Shopkins, you can’t help but feel a little envious of your kids. After all, what did we get to collect when we were young? Garbage Pail Kids cards? Trolls with neon hair? Why were we obsessed with such hideous things? I’ll take a Pecanna Pie or Saucy Pan any day.