7 Ways Your Teenager Is Way Worse Than a Toddler

So the policy in our house is to laugh at the Ridiculous Teen Behaviors as much as possible. If we don’t laugh, we will scream. Here’s a list of ways your teen may be an asshole, without ever opening his mouth. Because toddlers aren’t the only assholes around.

1. The door slam.

Obviously this is a classic Teen Move that’s used to let us know that they are right and we are wrong. Or that we are right and they are unwilling to admit it. Or that they just hate us, currently.

2. The heavy sigh.

You know the one. That sigh is loud enough that the neighbors across the street heard it. Chances are, it was in response to the reasonable request that they finish their homework. Exasperation, anyone?

3. The eye roll.

This form of communication is their way of telling you they think you’re an idiot, without actually saying the words and thus being disrespectful to their parents. Ha. Often done surreptitiously, in case you accuse them of sass. “Oh, there was just something in my eye!” Yeah, right.

4. The stomp shuffle.

This is often how they leave the room when angry, and will likely be followed by #1. How loud and pronounced the stomping is will relate directly to how upset they are.

5. The dinner table slump.

You’re at the table, eating dinner, but you can’t see your teen’s face. Why? Because he is slumped so far down and forward, his nose is practically in his food. He’s obviously pissed off, but you could ask him if he’d like a million dollars and he’d still only grunt in answer.

6. The stony wall of silence.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, and pretty ubiquitous. You could be getting the Stony Wall at the dinner table, or through their closed bedroom door. It could be in response to a question as simple as, “How was your day?” or as loaded as, “How much homework do you have left?” Either way, the message is clear, and it usually begins with “F” and ends in “off.”

7. The look of death.

Withering stares. The writer who came up with that phrase must have had a teenager, because these are the years when they perfect this communication technique. This look is often the replacement for phrases such as, “STOP IT,” “You’re embarrassing me,” or, quite possibly, “I can’t believe we’re related.” Get used to this one.

Remember that part of your job as the parent of a teen is to laugh at them. It’s the best coping mechanism when they’re busy challenging your sanity. Sure, your teen can be sweet and thoughtful and make you think. Those are the great moments! But when you’re in a bang-your-head-against-the-wall moment, sometimes it’s best to laugh so hard at them that they can’t help but join in as well.